InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ This Can't Be Good ❯ Run Like Hell ( Chapter 39 )

How did it go?

KURAMA: Loath as I am to admit it, it went well.

***FLASHBACK***

KUWABARA: I didn't know we had a flagpole.

KURAMA: We don't.

YUSUKE: Those kind of look like those teddy bear shorts that got you beat up in gym class all those times, Kuwabara.

KURAMA: They are.

KUWABARA: What?!

KURAMA: The ogres seem quite amused. I think we'll be even in a few minutes.

***END FLASHBACK***

Hooray.

KURAMA: That boxer-stealing routine is a useful trick.

Have a piece of special cake to celebrate.

KURAMA: Very well. I've missed at least five meals because of this fiasco. (Takes a piece) So what makes it special?

One of the readers told me to make it with special ingredients.

KURAMA: That doesn't sound so bad.

They're called, "sedd-ah-teeves."

KURAMA: . . !

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"I think there's some more dry wood under here, Miroku!" Shippo lifted the edge of a newly fallen log as the firecat trilled her agreement.

"Thank you, Shippo, Kirara," answered the monk.

"With what you and Kouga gathered earlier," said Sango, bundling some branches under her good arm, "this should be more than enough to keep us through the night."

"Sango, you shouldn't be carrying those until your arm is healed," he answered immediately. At the last minute, he added a Concerned Frown with Head Half-Bowed.

"I'm fine Houshi-sama, really."

"I must insist, Sango," he said, careful to keep his tone Firm, Yet Urbane. "Your arm must be given proper time to heal."

The barest flush of pink appeared on Sango's cheeks as she feigned great interest in the sticks she'd gathered.

Miroku chuckled inwardly. Hojo might have his boyish innocence, natural talent, and genuine interest in the welfare of other human beings, but Miroku had spent years training under one of the best-informed holy men of all time.

"Remember, boy, the smart ones take special treatment. Usually, I'd tell you to lay it on as thick as it comes, but the clever ones will see right through any flatteries that are less than half true. Ah, and it helps to make the compliment fit the woman."

"After all," he continued. "Where would the rest of us be if you were robbed of your-" Impeccable? Unsurpassed? Damn-hot-in-that-armor? Consummate? "-your invaluable skill with the hiraikotsu?"

"I suppose you're right," Sango agreed, handing him her load.

"But Master, if they are so much trouble, why not just pick regular girls?"

"For one thing, smart women tend to have smart sons. I'd take it as a personal favor if you wouldn't leave some other high monk with an idiot such as yourself as his only apprentice. For most momentary stops, a young lady of less accomplished attributes might be a better choice, but if you're shooting for the long term - a month or more - you'll want your companion to know more than how to tell one end of your dick from the other. Believe it or not, too much of even that particular good thing can become troublesome. There was one time when I was snowed in at this nunnery in the mountains..."

"Miroku?" chirped Shippo.

"Ah, forgive me," he apologized. "I became lost in thought for a moment."

"It doesn't take a genius to figure out what occupies your mind, Priest," Sango answered darkly. "Next time, could you fix your eyes somewhere other than my chest?"

"Eheh..." Miroku trailed off, scratching the back of his neck. "Oh no, Sango. I was just staring into space!" He took a step back. "Besides, now that you've fixed that tear in your yukata, I can't even-"

"What?!"

"Oops..." the monk murmured as the displeased exterminator bore down on him like a shark on a juicy fish."I have got to stop saying those things out loud..."

"You'll only run into trouble if she's smarter than you are. When that happens, run like hell."

"So anyway," he snatched up as much of the dry wood as he could safely reach, "I'd better be getting these back to camp. Thank you both for keeping me company." He turned and fled.

"Come back here, pervert!"

"If it's all the same to you, Sango, I think I-"

Miroku looked up from his armload of firewood at a very familiar sound. "Quiet!" hissed the kitsune.

"-last time! Go back to the camp and wait for me there."

"No way!" Kagome's voice shot through the branches, "What is going on?"

"I'll take care of it. Now go!"

"A minute ago, you couldn't leave me alone!"

"If he's in my sight, then I'll know he's not with you. Besides, if you're there-"

"You're being paranoid."

"I thought you wanted this Hojo idiot to stay alive."

The monk sighed, but not out of concern. From experience, he had learned that it was when the two of them stopped arguing that something was seriously amiss. "What seems to be the matter?" he called out, making his way toward them through the brush.

"Ooooh," Shippo pouted. "I wanted to hear what they were saying.

"Miroku, is that you?" Kagome called back, just as Inuyasha shouted, "Oy, monk!"

"Help me talk some sense into-"

"-him."

"-her!"

Miroku sighed, passing one beaded hand in front of his face before parting the last of the low-hanging branches, Sango just behind him. "I thought you two were going to stay with the camp," Sango volunteered.

"We were until Kagome let melonhead run off with stinkrag," shot the dog demon.

There was a pause.

Kagome sighed, "He means that Hojo went out for a walk with Kouga."

"Oh," Miroku acknowledged. "That probably isn't good."

"But Inuyasha," Sango chimed in, "didn't you make Kouga promise not to harm Hojo?"

A look of surprise filled Kagome's open face. "You did?"

"No," Inuyasha snapped defensively, "only that he wouldn't kill him."

"Well, still!" Kagome replied. "It was really thoughtful of you to do that."

The dog demon shrugged, "It was nothing, really."

Miroku hid a smile as Inuyasha's posture softened just a bit. Perhaps there was hope for the untrained ruffian after all.

"I mean," the dog demon went on, "I was grinding the stupid wolf's head into the gravel anyway, so I figured I might as well get him to do something."

Or not.

"Inuyasha," said Kagome, holding out both hands in her best let's-be-reasonable pose, "what makes you think that Kouga is going to break his promise and do away with Hojo?"

"You want to know?" he shot back. "The wolf turd telling me so; that's what!"

Miroku cringed. "Wrong answer," he muttered. Sango gave an affirmative nod.

Mushin's words sprung to mind. "So when the pass cleared, I snuck out at false dawn before mother superior could have me brought back. Anyway, what were we talking about? Ah yes. Smart girls HATE it when they don't get to decide things. Now I'm not saying that you should let clever women in on your plans - they're no more to be trusted than clever men - I'm saying that when you do keep her in the dark, never-"

Kagome's tone was level and still, like a bomb in its last moments, "And just when did this happen, Inuyasha?"

"-never-"

"This afternoon, Ms. Know-It-All!"

"-never let her find out about it."

BOOM!

"And why," Kagome demanded, "did you think it was a good idea to not tell me about this?! For heaven's sake, Inuyasha, I could have warned him! I could have convinced Kouga not to do it! I could have done something!"

"Well, I-"

"Oooooooh!"

"Wait!" Sango cut in. "Kouga said that he was going to kill Hojo-san? In those words?"

"He said he would 'dispose of' him, Sango," volunteered Shippo.

"You knew about this too?" Kagome demanded.

Shippo cowered. "Kinda'..."

"Inuyasha, I can't believe you would keep this from-"

"Does anyone realize that we're sitting here arguing while Hojo-san might already be dead?" hissed the taijiya.

Deep down, there was one infinitesimal part of Miroku that was totally honest. Yes, it said, it screamed, it danced on the stupid toad-breath's interloping grave. The rest of Miroku, however, was much more interested in not getting pummeled by Sango, "You are right," it said. "We should find him immediately, and settle the rest later.

"He's right," Inuyasha agreed. "Kagome, go back to the camp with Sango."

Miroku blinked. "What?"

"What did you say?" hissed Sango.

"And wait by the fire until the big strong men return?" Kagome demanded. "First you don't tell me what's going on, and now that I know-"

"Kouga won't back down if you're there," Inuyasha cut in.

Kagome froze in mid-tirade. "Huh?"

"If you are there, Kouga won't do anything that makes him look weak," finished the dog demon. "...at least not on purpose. I'll have to kick his ass into fertilizer before he'll let go of the human."

"He's right, Kagome," chirped Shippo, hopping decisively onto Inuyasha's shoulder, and folding both little arms. "This is an issue that has to be settled between men."

Inuyasha flicked him off. "So what makes you think that you're going, runt?"

"Why you-!" the kitsune jumped up and started to gnaw viciously on one of Inuyasha's forearms as Kagome's eyes narrowed.

"Sango," she asked, "is he making that up?"

A tiny but explosive sigh left the exterminator's throat. "No," she said at last.

"Thank you. Now go back to the camp," Inuyasha demanded.

"No!"

The dog demon seemed to think for a minute. "Fine," he said. "You and Sango can take Kirara and look for them in that direction, and Miroku and I will go-"

"That's not the way they went, Inuyasha!" she seethed. "Besides, if Kouga doesn't want to look bad in front of me, then why kill Hojo while I'm there?"

"Because he-"

"And you said not half an hour ago that being with you was safer than being with Sango and Kirara- No offense," she shot to the taijiya.

"None taken," answered Sango, as the firecat tipped her head in agreement.

"But they-"

"And Kouga does usually do what I ask him to."

"But when-"

"But nothing, Inuyasha, I'm going!!"

"Every once in the while," Miroku remembered Mushin saying as he watched Kagome verbally force Inuyasha into a corner. "You'll run into a girl who can match you at almost any trick you can pull."

The monk covered his mouth to hide a smile. Yes, the dog demon was certainly outdone as far as logic was concerned. ...not that that was usually a challenge.

"What should I do then, Master?" he recalled as Inuyasha hefted Kagome onto his back for the run toward Kouga and Hojo.

"Do?" Mushin had asked. "Whatever the hell she wants, usually."

.

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KURAMA: Wha... Where am I?

You're boring when you're asleep.

KURAMA: You will never know how glad I am to hear it.