InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ This Sesshoumaru Doesn't Do Christmas ❯ Your Own Biggest Problem ( Chapter 10 )

I do not own Inuyasha and Company, no matter how happy it would make me. Rumiko Takahashi is the lucky one there. I do not profit from these stories, unless sweet reviews, supportive emails, and shiny banners count. I think they're worth more far than money though, so let just go with I do not profit financially from these stories.

 

Is it sad that it's three months since Christmas and I haven't even made it into December with this fic yet? Well, if you haven't seen the update in my profiles, I'm having sinus surgery (my second… ugh) on March 18th, and hopefully once I recover my head will work properly again. At the moment I live with icepacks on my face and a perpetual headache. It blows, big time. Good news though is since I quit smoking I started actually eating like a normal human being instead of eating one thing only for months at a time, and I'm beginning to feel… well, more human I guess. Always a plus I figure. *grin* I miss y'all, I really do!

 

Oh, and more of this is nearly ready too, so hopefully no three months this time!

 

 

This Sesshoumaru Doesn't Do Christmas

Chapter 10 - Your Own Biggest Problem

Sunday, November 30,2008

 

 

The couple had barely spoken for the rest of the night, and the morning wasn't much better. Kagome was hurt and humiliated and Sesshoumaru was too angry at himself to notice. It felt like it was getting harder and harder to keep his beasts demands under control and he didn't doubt that given the chance the beast would reveal everything to her without a second's thought to the consequences.

 

The taiyoukai was again engaged in a mental battle with his beast, his other half trying and failing to convince him that he was looking at everything the wrong way. Sesshoumaru was being incredibly stubborn however, and refused to even consider his beast's point of view and opinions on the matter. To top it all off, the stress and exhaustion was getting to him, making him rather irrational and suspicious, bordering on paranoid.

 

`Even if you do not believe me, you need to go speak with her, apologize for your ridiculous behavior last night! She is still very upset.'

 

`Why do you think she is upset? This Sesshoumaru has not noticed.'

 

`That's because `this Sesshoumaru' has his head up his ass! Kagome is in the office with the door closed. When has she ever closed that door when we have been home? She is closing herself off from you to shield from further pain.'

 

While he didn't like it, Sesshoumaru had to admit that the beast had a point. Kagome had never been one to close doors. She said she felt like closing doors was the same as building invisible emotional walls, so the fact that she now had indeed closed herself in a room away from him spoke volumes. She was putting up walls, more obstacles between them and their happiness that he certainly didn't need.

 

He ran the incident the previous evening through his mind again, trying to figure out how to apologize for jumping her like an animal when he realized it. She wasn't only upset by the way he'd acted. `There is no point in this Sesshoumaru apologizing. I may as well begin packing my things. She has no reason to forgive me and I do not deserve her forgiveness.'

 

`What the hell are you talking about?' his beast snarled, beyond frustrated with his other half.

 

`Not only did I act like a mindless sex driven beast…'

 

`I take offense to that,' the beast interjected.

 

`…but I caused her injury as well. How could this Sesshoumaru be so careless?'

 

`What makes you think you caused her injury of all things?'

 

`Just before I regained control Kagome let out a gasp of pain. We must have cut her somehow.'

 

`I can promise you that was not a sound of pain. Was there the scent of blood? No. We didn't hurt her. I don't understand how you can be so blind! She was enjoying it! I believe she is upset by the way you stopped so suddenly with no explanation. She is not put off by me, she is aroused by me! She wanted you to react to her in that position the way you did, I know it!'

 

`How could she possibly have wanted such a thing? Kagome knows nothing of inu, of our mating habits especially. She was trying to open the flue for the fireplace!'

 

`It's official. You are blind, deaf, and dumb.. very, very dumb.'

 

`And you are the cause of all of my problems. If it wasn't for you everything between Kagome and I would be perfect. I am beginning to think you are attempting to sabotage this relationship.'

 

`Why would I do that when I want her as our mate?' the beast roared, enraged by the very implication.

 

`You are jealous that I will not allow you out to be with her so you are trying to ruin everything!'

 

`I want you to allow me freedom to be with her because I love and desire her just as much as you do! I am half of you and she should know the both of us! Hiding your true nature from her does nothing but harm. Do you have any idea how stupid you sound? Why would I sabotage a relationship I wish to make permanent?'

 

`You think that if she leaves us then I will have to find another female, one that I will allow you out with. Well let me tell you something. If you ruin my relationship with Kagome I will not let you out again for all of eternity! I will keep you locked away forever.'

 

`Our relationship! And I would never try to damage it! If I wanted to ruin things then I could have easily done so when you fell asleep! I could have allowed your spell to fall and let her see just what you've been trying so hard to hide from her. I could have exposed all your lies, but I didn't.' The beast didn't dare admit that he'd allowed Kagome to see some of the hidden markings, not with the way Sesshoumaru was acting. He would never believe that she had responded positively. He would only see it as more proof of his imagined interference. `You are being foolish, trying to separate us. We are two halves of one whole.'

 

`And Kagome only knows and loves this Sesshoumaru, yet another reason for your jealousy and sabotage.'

 

`If anyone is going to ruin this relationship it will be you. Your lies and deceit will end it all if you do not come clean and tell her the truth. You know she is upset, hurt and hiding from us, and yet you still stay here essentially fighting with yourself, making outlandish accusations rather than going to her and making things right. You are your own biggest problem. You are the reason our relationship with Kagome is at risk.'

 

`I may not have made the best decisions but I am trying to find a way to fix my mistakes.' Sesshoumaru admitted, the sting of his beast's words and the truth behind them calming his anger.

 

The beast decided he needed to give his other half a nudge in the right direction, to put an end to the ridiculous fight and get him to go speak to her, to apologize. Maybe Kagome would clear things up and make him understand that he didn't hurt her, that she was enjoying herself, and that she'd wanted him to continue. Only she would be able to do so, because it was obvious Sesshoumaru wouldn't listen to him.

 

`She still sits alone, waiting for you to apologize. Even if she was injured last night, she will still forgive you. You underestimated her when you decided you had to hide your true self and act human for her to love you. Do not underestimate Kagome and her powers of forgiveness now.'