InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Throw Caution To The Wind ❯ Still They Stand ( Chapter 9 )

AN: Hey there everyone. Thanks for the awesome reviews on FF.net and MM.org. I'm sorry this took so long, but, again, I've got myself in a mess. Sesshoumaru may seem slightly OOC in this chapter, but bare with me here. Also, Sesshoumaru, as you may have figured out, has both arms. Just pointing that out. I also attempt a rather weak sort of poem thing. It's lame as can be, but makes a good point/symbol. Also, keep in mind, this story is not going to be twenty chapters long, so yeah…enjoy!

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_CHAPTER9_STILL THEY STAND

Things don't always turn out how you want them to or how you expect them to (which can be two totally different things, I might add) and sometimes they don't turn out how they should, either. It's really just hit and miss. For instance, I never dreamed that Shippou would be killed. I never expected that I would end up tutoring Sesshoumaru's little human girl. And I wasn't ever supposed to even end up in the damn Sengoku Jidai in the first place. Or maybe I was.

Victim of odd circumstances, most definitely. Victim of a twisted and warped fate, perhaps. Victim of choices and decisions, we're all victims of those. The point is, we can't control everything that fate or destiny, or whatever you want to call it, decides to dish out to us. The only thing we can control is how we deal with the moment and what we make of it.

At the moment, I was screaming.

And swooping in on the foreign object.

When I realized what it was, an exasperated sigh ran through my body. My head moved back and forth in the all-to-familiar actions of one who is tired of dealing with things over and over again. This was way more than I had ever bargained for.

"I know I said that Rin doesn't get enough protein, but this IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!" I swooped in on the pot for another assault, brandishing the ladle like a shark net. I found what I was looking for and lifted it up, out of the huge boiling pot. "I know Rin may be a very enthusiastic, ok, rabid eater, and Sesshoumaru may have made you responsible for her health, but self-sacrifice isn't needed for her nutrition at the moment, Jaken. Save it for the Donner party."

I fished out the dizzy and somewhat unconscious toad, placing him on the table. "It's a good thing I came in to store up these herbs for Maki, otherwise we'd all be…" I squirmed, my face distorting in horribly-hidden disgust "frog leg stew for dinner." I shook him off, sending splatters of stew base and pieces of daikon radish all over the countertop. I placed Jaken in a wash bin and poured cold water over him, waiting for the coming response.

He twitched for a second then sputtered, ridding his lungs of stew, his eyes growing even larger than normal as he mumbled curses about human spawn and psychotic children.

"Let me guess, you and Rin were playing hide and seek again and you fell in." Jaken looked at me as if I were mad, but the look slowly melted away as he observed his stew-sodden shape, and it mutated into a look of thankfulness that took over immediately. I nodded, deciding that I had had enough fun with him. He scurried off, out of the door by the cooking pit, his squat green form disappearing from sight.

It was going to be a good day.

_______________________________________________________

I had continued with Rin's schooling and swimming lessons and was proud to say that she was making wonderful progress in both areas, but her guardian, it seemed, had given up the swimming lessons he had commissioned. Perhaps because he already knew how to swim. Whatever. All I knew was that after his odd behavior at the spring, I had almost twice as much work and I had seen Sesshoumaru a grand total of one time since then, on which he had completely given me the cold shoulder. Once again, I got the distinct feeling that he was avoiding me, though I have no clue why. Don't get me wrong. I could care less if I saw him, but for him to ignore me when I did see him, well, that was just wrong. Rude jerk. But maybe his actions were freaking him out a bit too. I mean, do taiyoukai just suddenly flip out in hot springs all the time? Ok, maybe flip out wasn't the right diction to describe it, but he definitely wasn't acting like himself. Maybe he was sick.

Oh no. I thought. If he's sick, he'll never admit it to anybody! The stubborn idiot is probably sitting in his room, dying of a fever or something, and nobody would know until the servants sucked up enough courage to enter the room when it stated smelling like a rotten corpse. The feudal era does wonders for your imagination.

With that thought, I ran to one of the gardens where I knew I would find a servant. Slamming four shoji doors behind me as I went, I got to the last door that led outside. It occurred to me that perhaps I was overreacting just a teensy bit because I hadn't seen him for three days. Maybe he was just really busy, perhaps he had gone off on some sort of business. I mean, Sesshoumaru does not seem like the type to be lying prostrate in bed with strep throat. Heck, I betted that he had never been sick in his life. He was a youkai after all, but then again, Maki had gone ill, why couldn't he? I decided that I would check up on him if the other servants didn't have news, but slowed down as I ran towards the garden.

Sliding the door shut behind me slowly and quietly, I descended the few wooden steps and headed towards the vegetable garden. There, hunched over a row of green plants was Kaji and another younger youkai servant that I had met, named Fumie.

"Kaji, have you seen Sesshoumaru-sama the last few days?"

Kaji pulled up a plant, roots and all and brushed the dirt off.

"Hmm…now that you mention it, I don't recall seeing him…is something wrong, kagome-sama?"

N-no. Nothing's wrong. Do you know where he is?"

Kaji placed the plant in a cloth bag with other previously collected and dried plantation.

"No, but I would venture to guess that if he has not left, he is in his room or study."

"Really? Great. Uh..where is that?"

Kaji smiled at me kindly and nodded.

"Fumie, will you escort Kagome-sama to Sesshoumaru-sama's quarters?"

"Sure, Kaji." Yu finished, gathering her bunch of uprooted vegetation, brushing her dirty hands off on her simple kimono. She smiled and told me to follow her. We went by the kitchen where she dropped off the food then I followed her through the house in what seemed suspiciously like a circle.

"Um…Fumie?"

"Yes, Kagome-sama?"

"If you ever need a clean kimono, you're welcome to help yourself to mine. Sesshoumaru seems to have given me quite enough."

"I could never do that, Kagome-sama. Those are for you alone. But…thank you very much. It means a lot to me that you would offer such a thing."

"No problem! I'm not that into clothes anyways.

"Oh. Is that common, where you come from?"

"Wha-what? Oh no, it's not like I walk around nude whenever I can, or something. That would be-"

"Foolish? Unacceptable? Something you would do?" a smooth voice offered.

"Yes, foolish or even-Sesshoumaru! You scared me!" I ran up to him, unconsciously checking over his physical condition, placing a hand on his forehead then grabbing his hand, searching for a strong pulse.

"May I enquire as to what you are doing." He looked slightly putt off and I could tell he had no idea what I was doing in the least bit, or why I was accosting him.

I froze, realizing what I was doing, but I didn't drop his hand. Instead, I studied it as if it were my safety net, something to focus on besides his face, while mine was turning pink.

"W-well" I stammered, turning a brighter pink. " you see-"

"Kagome-sama was worried about your health condition, since she had not seen you for several days. She wished to confirm that you were in good health. I believe she is checking your pulse." Fumie looked back and forth at us then seemed to think she had said something wrong. " Um, yes, so here's Sesshoumaru-sama! Looks like Kagome-sama has found what she was looking for!" I was thankful to Fumie, but worried too. I knew that tone of voice. It was the voice I used right before jumping into the well.

I blushed a blush that would shame Elmo.

"Heh, heh. Thanks, Fumie. That about sums it up…heh heh." a drop of sweat was beginning to take shape on my brow and Fumie slipped away before I could call her back or make an excuse to join her. I didn't want to be alone with the Lord of Bored.

"My health is as good as ever, thank you." I looked up at Sesshoumaru who gazed pointedly at the wrist I was still clutching.

"Oh. Sorry."

He slid open a shoji door and it seemed I was meant to follow him, so I did accordingly. We entered what I could only presume to be a study. Scrolls and even what seemed to be some very old books lined the room on shelves, the occasional burnt or yellow sheaf of parchment resting between texts. There was a low table with many papers spread over it in a disarray of organization. It looked positively cluttered, but on closer inspection, letters were in numerical order, separated into categories of senders, or in order by date and purpose. What did I expect? A brush and a partly-filled sheet of paper lay like musicians' instruments, waiting to be picked up and made to sing. This, I guessed, was Sesshoumaru's office.

It was decorated scantily besides the shelves, with barely even a hint that someone ever occupied the space. The shelves that housed the magnificent books were made of a dark wood that matched the table and there were four red cushions on each side of the, what I now guessed to be, desk for Sesshoumaru's study.

He motioned for me to sit down and I did. He found the half-filled piece of parchment and dipped the brush into the black ink. He moved the sleeve of his haori back with one hand while writing with the other. He was left handed, I observred. Funny, but that's kind of what I expected.

Not wanting to pry, I glanced quickly at the paper, taking in the smooth, sure strokes of his writing. Mine paled in comparison, the jerk. Not only was the writing for his name nicer, and his hair more beautiful than I could ever make mine with all the hair supplies of the twenty-first century, but his hand writing was a hundred times better too.

Slightly disgruntled with it all, and getting bored with his lack of participation, I glanced once more around the room, finding one more article of decoration. On the wall to my right, was a hanging scroll. I got up and moved across the room, knowing he wouldn't even notice. It was odd, being anywhere near him, and he was odd. But, who was I to judge?

Wind beats

Assaulting the mountains

Still they stand

A poem..not a haiku…maybe. I rebuked myself for not paying more attention in language class. The poem was simple, yet complicated. Somehow, this explained a lot of things. Somehow, a few things fell into place after reading that. Complicated, yet simple. I understood Sesshoumaru a little better right then, I think.

I rose to leave, knowing he wouldn't protest like Inuyasha would, knowing he wouldn't come after me like Inuyasha would. And I was ok with that. Sesshoumaru wasn't Inuyasha, he was Sesshoumaru. And always would be.

I turned from the hanging scroll and walked to the shoji door.

"Where are you going."

I was actually quite surprised he said anything at all. I thought he had forgotten I was there.

"I'm leaving you alone, so you can work."

"That is not consistent with your enjoyment in annoying me. You came to find me, what did you want."

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't dead and rotting since I hadn't seen you for three days. Fumie told you that already."

"Perhaps I merely did not wish to speak to you."

"Perhaps.." Normally, this would have started me off into one of my yelling fits, but I didn't feel like fighting then. Perhaps I was just a little tired, perhaps I figured it was useless anyways. After all, he wasn't Inuyasha. " perhaps you didn't." I opened the shoji door. It slid smoothly and silently, yet seemed so much harder to open then all the others.

"I have noticed that Jaken has seemed to have taken to you."

I turned and smiled weakly.

"I helped him out of a couple hot situations, that's all."

"I see." He returned to the parchment which was, undoubtedly, far more interesting than myself. I meant to leave, but stood there, merely looking at him. Sure, I couldn't know if he planned to kill me any second. I was useless to him anyways, yet he seemed unsure also. Stable, but unstable. Silently, I wondered if he knew this.

He looked up from his work.

"What else did you want?" he asked, sounding, ineffectively, annoyed.

"Sometimes wind shapes stone."

I smiled meekly and turned, sliding the door closed behind me. I headed towards the garden to finish my chores alone or hopefully with Maki or Kaji, someone who was comforting. It was a relief to be out of that study. On the whole, the atmosphere was quite gloomy. Made me want to go to sleep.

______________________________________________________

I usually woke at sunrise like clockwork now. I would perform my chores and teach Rin, then watch over her for a while. Then perhaps I would have an hour before bed to read or something. It was a pattern. Humans are creatures of habit.

I remembered my friends and family every day, but refused to think about them for too long. If I focused on the tasks I had to do at hand, I could almost forget that I was working for someone I was supposed to hate, my friends were probably searching for me, if they hadn't given up, and my family was probably beginning to think that I had either ditched them for five hundred years or was dead. Hopefully Inuyasha had gone to talk to Mom. Silently I wondered if my life would ever be normal again. But then, when had my life ever been normal?

Today I had woken up earlier than normal in a cold sweat, pieces and pictures of a disturbing dream floating in and out of my mind's sight. It was a common thing now, to dream of Shippou dying and my other friends morphing into Naraku as I hugged them. Even though I denounced psychologists earlier, if I ever got out of the place, I would be in some serious need of one. Or maybe two.

Seeing as I had woken up early, I decided to make use of my time alone. I got up, arranging the blankets on the futon in an orderly fashion. I dug through my yellow pack, or what was left of it, and pulled out a blue skirt and one of my favorite tops that had a cute picture of a whale with four fins, crawling on land. Even though Sesshoumaru had supplied me with plenty of new clothes, I much preferred my old favorites. I brushed my hair quickly and headed for the garden and some blessed, and, might I add, well deserved, peace.

Somehow, I found myself in the flower garden. I sat down on the earth, not minding if my skirt got a bit dirty, next to a rose bush, which I found odd. Did Japan have roses during the warring states era? I had always assumed they were imported from western Europe later on. It seemed odd that there would be a plant there that I had supposed the people of that time didn't even know about.

It was a beautiful plant. It's leaves were green, its stalks healthy, and its blossoms possibly the most amazing I had ever seen. A light violet with pieces of white interwoven. It was the most gorgeous rose plant I had ever seen, delicate, yet strong and healthy, but so very out of place. It didn't belong there amongst the native flowers. Yet, despite its awkwardness, it had taken root and was prospering like no other plant in the garden. It was a beautiful plant, yet a glaring intrusion amongst the others. I loved it even more.

Perhaps I could learn to deal with what I had been given, perhaps I could learn not to hate where I was and what I was doing. Maybe I could even learn to enjoy it a little. After all, I had Rin there and nowhere else. But I missed my friends and family so much… And yet, when I thought about them, I thought about how much I wanted them to survive and didn't want them to have to fight. And that required my presence and hard work at the home of Sesshoumaru. I would learn to live.

I felt him before I saw him. He approached silently and I might not have ever known he was there if I hadn't been able to sense him. He stood for a second by me and I saw him out of the corner of my eye. As if coming to a conclusion, he sat down quietly next to me, his movements deaf and his eyes trained at the horizon. I turned to glance at his white form, then returned to my observations of the rose bush.

We sat for a long time, saying nothing. But, for once, it really didn't bother me. It was a comfortable silence. Like with friends and family. I think just being around the stiff-as-heck Sesshoumaru was starting to mellow me out, heaven forbid. I don't think I'd be able to cope with myself.

I was surprised when he spoke first.

"It was a gift to my mother from the continent. A friend of the family returned with it and my mother planted it there."

I nodded. But, why was he telling me that? Sesshoumaru did not seem to type to go on some recollection of the past story at a mere whim. He seemed much more private.

"It's beautiful." It was all I could say.

"Yes, but it doesn't belong here."

I smiled softly.

"You're right, but still…it knew that it had to keep living, and look at it now. Even if it doesn't belong, it's done its best to survive and stay healthy."

We were silent again, an activity filling the air as if we were both thinking about this deeply.

"Sesshoumaru, why did you make the offer to me. To not attack Inuyasha if I would become a servant of your house.?"

He was silent for a second then turned to look at me sincerely, his eyes diving into mine.

"That is simple. Good servants are hard to find these days."

I growled. He was messing with me. I frowned and glared at him. He cocked an eyebrow then sighed. It was a barely audible sigh, but still I had heard it.

"Without you, my brother is lesser than when in your presence. You are a drive for him, a resource for strength and perseverance because he is so emotionally attached to you. He is not a danger to me when he is alone."

"Oh." I averted my eyes. There were flecks of yellow within the petals of the roses, hidden among the purples and white.

Again I was surprised when his smooth voice broke the silence.

"Why did you agree? You faced me many times with Inuyasha. Why did you remain here to stop me from attacking him when you had held me off so many times before?"

"I was tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of my friends having to fight. One less battle is one less battle." I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, resting my chin on top of them. Suddenly, I felt weakness wash over me in a lukewarm wave. Tears began to form and sting at the corners of my eyes. They spilled out silently, rolling down my cheeks in warm droplets. I wiped them away; I didn't want Sesshoumaru to see me crying, especially when there was no apparent reason to.

He did not look at me, and I was thankful, although I know he saw my tears or could at least smell them. Perhaps he was trying to be considerate, or maybe he thought me weak because of my momentary break down. I scrunched my face up, willing the last of the tears to disappear.

Why was I the one to fall through the well. I was useless. I couldn't even protect my friends, let alone myself. I had basically abandoned my family that was probably waiting to see if I would be home for dinner, five hundred years in the future. I couldn't protect any one. Was this the only way I was any good to anybody? Serving in Sesshoumaru's home to save my friends instead of fighting with them? Was this the only place where my presence made a difference? I wanted so bad to wake up in my bed and discover it was all just a dream.

This wasn't my life. I was going to high school and lived with my mother, grandfather, and little brother. I had normal friends. I had a normal life. I never asked for this, not that I would have it gone in a flash. That's why a dream would be perfect. You can remember a dream, though it's not real. And, most of all, you can chose what you want to remember.

I felt something cool run against my cheek. I leaned into Sesshoumaru's hand, taking comfort in the soothing feeling and temperature that came from it. My mind was a mess, five different parts screaming five different things at one moment. I cringed as my skin suddenly stung and I felt warm liquid slide down my cheek. Not tears.

"Why-"

Sesshoumaru ran a finger across the slice he had made in my skin. He brought his finger up to his mouth and smelled the blood then licked it off his finger. I watched, in confusion as he did these odd actions. I felt as if someone had taken a hammer to my brain.

"You look human, smell human, and taste human. This is human blood. It is my experience that humans are not perfect. Do not berate yourself for your faults. They are what make you who you are. Learn to live with them and utilize them to your advantage. They can become powerful tools if wielded the correct ways." His voice was cold and smooth, the ever present monotone. Yet, in this case, it was comforting. Something stable.

"Thank you." I sighed, realizing how foolish I had probably seemed. I flopped back, gazing at the sky that would soon be lit by the first rays of the sun's rays, spreading out like the fingers of Midas, to cover everything in gold. Sesshoumaru rose gracefully and looked at the rose bush as if contemplating its existence.

"Why did you remain with my half brother. You never left him, though you were attacked many times. Why did you stay by his side?"

I sighed, one obvious reason coming to mind. Though, it seemed so less obvious the last few days.

"The same reason why you keep Rin. You said it yourself, Inuyasha needs me. And…he's my friend. A very good friend, and friends don't abandon friends."

"I do not keep Rin around because she needs me."

I sighed and rose to a sitting position, then stood to brush myself off.

"Of course not.." I whispered softly. "You love her." In a flash, five fingers were around my neck, claws digging into my flesh.

" Again you speak of what you do not understand. I do not need your wise comments, woman." I glared at him and his fingers tightened. So we had reverted back to woman and wench, had we? I was annoyed.

"The mountains may not be moved by wind, but their faults may be shaped by it."

Sesshoumaru's claws dug deeper into my skin, only to loosen. His hand dropped down to his side and I gasped, my hand rubbing my throat.

I wasn't done. "Sesshoumaru, you can deny it all you want. Sesshoumaru, Rin may be strong, but she needs your attention. Why do you think she attaches herself to myself of Jaken? She needs your attention and you need hers!"

In a flash, he was inches away from me. He grabbed my shoulders, his claws drawing blood, as he glared at me, a look of absolute hate in his eyes.

"How dare you presume to tell me what I need." he growled savagely. Suddenly, his grasp tightened and he pulled me against his body, and brought his lips down forcibly against mine. I gasped and he took advantage of my surprise to deepen the kiss. My entire body went limp and my mind refused to function. It drew a blank then everything seemed to fly into action at once, sending my mind reeling off. Twenty different emotions fought to preside over me. I stood, limp in his grasp. My body worked to do anything, say something. I managed to move my lips ever so slightly against his. With a jerk, he pulled back as if snapping out of a trance. A look I had never seen flitted across his features then disappeared immediately.

I stared at him, completely shocked, then turned. Suddenly, I found my voice. Then only thing that would come out, the only thing I could think of to say.

"I'm sorry."

He seemed to stiffen at my words.

"There is work to be done." he said, calmly and brushed past me, back to the castle his presence fading away. Whether it was missed or not, I don't know. My mind was too busy doing a good impression of tapioca pudding to notice.

I stood for a minute more. The sun had peeked out and its golden orange beams lingered on the forests, touching the tops of the trees and outlining them in gold. Everything was beautiful. Almost fake. So beautiful, and I didn't understand why. Why did the sun take so much care in covering everything with a golden blanket? Why was the moon so cautious when folding the speckled sheets of the sky over a sleeping earth? Nobody cared anyways.

My fingers rose and grazed the cut on my face lightly. It had stopped bleeding.

That night, I dreamt of Inuyasha. I was being held and comforted by Sesshoumaru. He was whispering something to me and hugging my body to his, trying to comfort me. Then Inuyasha appeared with a smile on his face. He told me how happy he was that I was alright and, while wiping away my tears, told me that Sango and Miroku were waiting and Mom had cooked Oden for all of us. Sesshoumaru's form vanished into the air around me.

_______________________________________________________

I refused to dwell on what had happened with Sesshoumaru. It meant nothing to him and I convinced myself it meant nothing to me, so I blocked it from my mind and shoved it in another corner of my subconscious that would need some serious vacuuming after I was through with all this stuff. Yet, it wasn't easy to forget. Since 'The Incident' as I had named it in my mind, things had been strange. I no longer doubted that Sesshoumaru avoided me, giving me more work than ever to keep me going constantly. When I did see him, he would either refuse to acknowledge my presence, or stared at me to such a degree that I would blush and turn away, or turn red with annoyance and storm off. Sure it had only been two days, but I wasn't stuck on it, so why should he be? He did kiss me after all. Egotistical jerk. Maybe some things are genetic, I observed.

But, other than the lord of the house I was currently a servant of completely ignoring my existence, everything seemed fine. Rin hadn't been mad at me for breaking her rock, though she liked it more when it was covered in dirt. But that was a good thing. Then when I would take it, and I eventually would have to, I wouldn't be parting her from something she liked deeply. I don't think I could do that to Rin. Heck, I'd have a hard time parting with Rin, on that note. The little girl just kind of grew on me, you know. Perhaps that's what happened with Sesshoumaru. Maybe he just needed something in his life that was actually happy some of the time. I mean, with his attitude, and traveling around with that constipated toad would put a bit of a damper on your range of emotional feelings. Maybe Rin added a little variety to his life, although I'm not saying he would readily accept it or enjoy it.

I wondered how much my attitude combined with Rin's put him on edge. He was probably ODing on giddy personalities. Maybe that's why he was acting so strange. Or maybe, as I didn't doubt in the least bit, I just didn't understand him yet. Though, I think I was slowly deciphering him. I don't know. He is complicated. Everyone is complicated. We all have our stories and our reasons. They are ours, and ours alone. They make us who we are. Sesshoumaru isn't the only one that must have a background that would make him what he was.

Even Inuyasha is complicated. At first, I thought I had him figured out right away. Egotistical, ignorant, annoying. But, as I found out, he has his reasons. Reasons like the heart-breaking incident with Kikyo. Reasons like growing up, not belonging anywhere. I wouldn't challenge his reasons. Ever.

Silently, I wondered what Sesshoumaru's reasons were. What was his story? I know that being the lord of Saigoku must require his stoical demeanor. He could not be seen as weak, or enemies would take advantage of it. But then again, he could just be, and always have been, a plain old stick in the mud. Rethinking the matter, I found it highly possible and more than likely. I sighed.

I wondered, if I was to remain in Sesshoumaru's home the rest of my life, would I become like him? I realized that I missed my family more than I ever had my entire life. Maybe…no. There was a better chance of Miroku turning gay. I would just have to cope.

________________________________________________________

"Kagom e-neechan? Do you have a family? Where's your mommy and daddy?"

Rin sat, imitating my strokes, copying them messily onto a piece of paper. She looked up at me with big eyes. The ones that you couldn't say no to. The one's that reminded me so much of Shippou.

They were innocent enough questions. She deserved a reply.

"Yes, I do have a family. I have a great mom who is very understanding. My Dad is dead, but he loved us very much and I think about him a lot. A have a grandpa who is really into magic and charms. He's very…different but tries his best to help people. And I have a little brother who is just a bit older than you. His name is Souta and he likes to play a game called Soccer. He helps me a lot. I love all of them."

"Where are they?" Rin put the finishing stroke on the symbol for kokoro-heart.

"They're very far away. But I don't worry about them because I know they are ok and they have each other." I picked up an extra brush and twirled it in my fingers, flashes of my family running through my head like an ancient slide show.

"But don't you miss them?" Rin looked at her parchment, a frown appearing on her small features.

"Yes." I sighed, but managed to rustle up a small smile. "Very much."

"Oh." Rin looked at the paper, as if judging it and finding it not to her standards.

"But..I have you, Rin. And you make me happy."

Rin turned from her paper and smiled a huge, genuine smile that almost made me shield my eyes, it was so bright.

"Yep! Kagome-neechan will always have me and Maki and Kaji and Jaken and Sesshoumaru-sama! Oh! I know, Kagome-neechan!"

"Hm?" I set down the brush and looked at her, inquiringly.

Rin abandoned her work and I cringed as the ink pot was knocked over, the ink dripping over the table. She ran over two me and wrapped her small arms around me in an embrace that would have left Inuyasha choking for air.

"We can be your number two family! Kagome-neechan can have two families and she will never be sad!"

I smiled and wrapped my arms around her, burying my face in her messy black hair. I don't know how long I hugged her for before I was brought out of my thoughts by Rin's voice.

"Kagome-neechan, why are you crying?"

The black ink spread over the parchment, covering the strokes that formed the word tamogachi-friend. The writing melted away, swallowed by the black.

___________________________________________________________

I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. Man, what I would give for some Clorox! Hadn't these people ever heard of Downey? I must have been working on that single piece of cloth for and hour. The brown-red simply refused to come out. I wiped the sweat off my brow, thinking that there was no way in hell anything was worth what I had been going through. Ok, so that's not true, but still.

I bent over the wooden wash barrel, wringing out the white silk haori. I examined it and mused that it looked better than it had twenty minutes before. I set it in a basket to be air dried outside, along with the gi that were considerably cleaner than their matching top.

"What on earth is this stuff anyway, Maki? How can a demon lord get so dirty. I thought Sesshoumaru was a bit of a neat freak."

Maki shuffled over and picked up the haori, examining it then placing it back in the basket. She raised an eyebrow.

"That is blood, Kagome-sama." she muttered offhandedly.

I choked for a second.

"Oh. I see." It wasn't a huge deal. Sesshoumaru had probably killed some poor youkai and inadvertently ended up with a piece of it on him.

Maki nodded and returned to her work load, humming something softly.

"Is it…Sesshoumaru's blood? Or another demon's?" I asked thoughtfully. Somehow, he did not seem like a bleeder to me.

"Yes."

"Oh. Don't be too vague."

Maki sighed and dropped her item of clothing into the wash bucket.

"It is probably not my place to tell you this, but today Sesshoumaru had a ….visitor of sorts."

Immediately I thought of Naraku. He must have injured Sesshoumaru during a fight. How could he! First he hurt my friends, now he was attacking my new ones. Damn him to hell, the….yeah.

"Oooo…" I fumed, my fists clenched at my sides. "How dare that monster show up and try to kill everyone I've ever known!"

"Kagome-sama, I think there is something you should know. It was-"

"Heh heh heh! Did you hear, Baa-chan?" The equivalent of my science project about green mold walked down the hall towards us in all his toady glory that is Jaken. "Sesshoumaru-sama drove away that bastard half brother of his in minutes! Inuyasha was gone and couldn't come back if he wanted to! Lord Sesshoumaru gave him the lesson of all time! Serves him right!" The toad paraded around triumphantly as if he had had some major part in the battle.

"That's great, Jaken-sama." Maki said weakly, obviously painfully aware of me by her side. "But really, is that any way to treat family?"

"Who cares. It was that lowly hanyou Inuyasha! It matters not!" he croaked what I was sure was the last time he ever would because, before I knew what I was doing, my hands were around his throat.

"Inuyasha was here?! What did he want? Is he gone?! Where is he?!" I jumped up, shaking Jaken by the collar of his robes.

Jaken eyed me warily then scoffed.

"Put me down, human!"

"And here I thought we were on an actual name basis. Tell me where Inuyasha is!!" I growled at him so deep that I even scared myself. Jaken looked slightly shaken, but turned his head away and scoffed.

"Heh. That worthless hanyou? He's long gone by now! My maste-"

"Oh." I dropped Jaken and he hit the floor in a disarray of green and brown. I slumped to the ground, my feelings of hope completely dashed by the words of one reptilian youkai. "Alright." I put my hands around my knees and drew them up to my chin. "Do you know anything else?"

"I was busy, tending to Ah-Un but I was there to see Sesshou-"

"Thanks. That's enough." I sighed, turning back to my work, but thought deeply while performing my tasks.

I decided then that I would go to Sesshoumaru and ask him. Perhaps the chances of Miroku becoming gay aren't too small after all. Yeah right. I'd just have to throw caution to the wind and go for it.

_______________________________________________________________

" Argh! What is wrong with you people?!!"

Since I had discovered that Inuyasha had come and left the day before, everyone was avoiding me. Maki and Kaji were "trying to give me space", Jaken was nowhere to be seen (went to the closest village), and Sesshoumaru…well he hadn't shown up at all, but what's new, and Rin had gone with Jaken. Everyone had successfully escaped my wrath. That was, until….

"Hey Fumie, Wakiko!" I called, waving at the other servants. I had finished my work early since Rin wasn't there to teach, and those two still had work to do. "Want my help?" Fumie and Wakiko looked at each other warily then turned back to me.

"Thank you, Kagome-sama, but we're perfectly fine on our own." Wakiko smiled at me unconvincingly.

"Yeah, if you're finished, why don't you rest a bit? You've seemed…tired lately."

Tired? Well that's a nice way to put it. I thought grudgingly.

"Yeah, sure. Good idea. Rest." I turned away and could feel their eyes watching me nervously until I turned down the nearest hallway. I could almost smell their relief. Did they all know about me and Inuyasha? Was I that obviously on edge? I had snapped at Jaken, but that's only normal..for anybody. Well, whatever. One thing was for sure though, I wasn't about to rest right that moment. No way. While I was on my adrenaline rush, complimentary of a sleepless night and giant headache, I was going to get it over with.

I wanted to know. Wanted to know why Sesshoumaru kept me there when it would be easier to just kill me and not have to worry about breaking a promise by killing my friends. I wanted to know why he chose me to teach Rin. I wanted to know why the hell I wasn't with Inuyasha right that second! Why had Inuyasha left? Had Sesshoumaru tricked him, told him I was dead? Had he said he had no idea where I was? Sesshoumaru should have gladly given me up.

I stomped, in what can only be described as psychotically, down the halls, the ground almost shaking under my feet. I think I saw a mirror crack and a picture fall down somewhere along the way.

"Alright." I shoved the shoji screen open with enough force to split a rock. " I want to know why Inuyasha is gone and I am still here!!!" I slammed the door shut behind me and it collided with the wall, rattling like crazy. " I want to know why no one bothered on telling me personally that Inuyasha had come!! Why the hell am I still in this place!!"

I screamed at him. He was the problem, not me. It was suddenly all his fault. All his fault.

"What--Sesshoumaru? What happened?!"

Sesshoumaru sat, glaring at me from his desk, his haori draped lightly over his shoulders, bandages wrapped tightly around his torso. They were slowly turning a rich, deep red. He looked at me as if I were the devil reincarnate, obviously ordering me to leave, but I defied the expression and moved to sit next to him.

"What happened, Sesshoumaru?"

"Leave me." he bit out coldly.

"But, you're bleeding! What happened?"

Suddenly it came to me. I didn't need to ask him. I inhaled sharply. The bloody shirt that I was washing…then Jaken told me about Inuyasha.

"Sesshoumaru…" I reached out a hand, but he growled and his body jerked slightly backwards. "Did Inuyasha do this to you?" I reached out and my hand grazed along the bandages. Sesshoumaru growled even deeper at me and I realized what I was doing was dangerous, that it was like messing with a cornered, wounded dog, but it escaped my attention at the time.

"I said leave." It was more a feral growl than an order now.

"Why did you let him do this to you?"

"It is nothing. I have work I must attend to, Kagome. I will not ask you to leave me again." It was threatening, but somehow the fact that he said my name put some humanity back into the growl that sounded so like a beast.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me how and why this happened and you're now longer bleeding buckets. Where should we start?"

"Do you treasure your life, wench?"

My hands went to my hips and I plopped myself down more comfortably. There was no way he was about to boss me around. Not after avoiding me for a week and giving me extra work. If he thought-

"Inuyasha came, searching for you. He left. It's over." his tone was that of a warning, but I'm renowned for brushing warning signs aside.

"Gee. Don't put in too much detail. We'd be here all day." I looked at him, utterly underwhelmed.

Sesshoumaru sighed and looked as if he came to terms, deciding he wouldn't decapitate me right then and there.

"As I said, Inuyasha came, searching for you."

"And…?"

He looked at me dispassionately. "He accused me of kidnapping you."

"What did you tell him?"

"The truth, although he does not deserve it. I told him that you were staying here of your own free will."

"You What?!!" Oh gods! I thought hopelessly. Inuyasha is bound to take that the wrong way!

"Need I repeat myself, human?" he looked really disgruntled. Really.

"No. Anyways, what happened."

"Inuyasha.." at that Sesshoumaru chuckled, albeit a deep, dark chuckle, but a chuckle nonetheless. "accused me of being a..I believe it was…fluffy, white, kidnapper of a bastard. Really, the hanyou has no imagination."

I stared on in horror as a small smirk crossed his face.

"And you two fought?"

"Inuyasha fought. Thus…" He gestured to his ever-reddening bandages. I gasped again, the sight only too familiar, with all the damage I had seen on Inuyasha.

"Why didn't you fight back? You're so much more powerful than him." I moved, untying his bandage. I discovered a box of wrappings nearby, presumably from earlier usage. I unraveled the white gauze bandages slowly, pressing a cloth over the wound. He paid no attention to my ministrations, merely allowing me to continue. It looked like it would heal quickly, but he was still bleeding quite profusely. I washed it quickly, my hands almost working subconsciously from years of practice.

"Because I made a promise not to hurt your companions as long as you kept your end of the bargain. If I were to fight, Inuyasha would have sustained…significant injuries."

I stopped momentarily, nodded, then grabbed fresh bandages. It was really amazing that he was letting me do this. My anger seemed to simmer as I took care of his wound. I wrapped the material around his chest with some difficulty, but eventually managed.

"Because" he grabbed my hand which was tying the bandages, pressing them against his chest. "you are here."

My face began to burn. I nodded, but he still held my hand against his chest.

"Um..I need to finish…" I looked pointedly at the cloth wrappings and he snapped out of wherever he had been, dropping my hand wordlessly.

I finished tying the bandages and placed the leftovers back in the box by the wall. I turned back to him, two more matters needing to be attended to, now that he wasn't bleeding everywhere.

"Sesshoumaru, I have two things I want to ask you." Why not be frank? It takes less time. With Sesshoumaru, less is more. Well… "First, I wanna know why you've been avoiding me!" My old spark was back and wasn't about to be pushed down again until I got the answer out of him. "I can deal with the extra work, but I can't deal with people purposely avoiding me!" I marched back over to him and sat right in front of him, pushing the table away easily. I stared straight at him. "I can handle all that stuff, the work and…what happened that one day…but I don't appreciate people completely refusing to acknowledge my existence. I may be a servant here, but I'm a human being also. I deserve recognition!"

Sesshoumaru stared straight back at me, unenthused and uninterested, but replied despite it.

"You are a human. Humans are weak. If I am constantly being shadowed by a human woman, it may be interpreted as a weakness. You are a weakness."

I scowled at him, my awareness of him in all his glory demon-ness and me in all my "pathetic humanity" ever increasing.

"I see. Then, perhaps, since I am such a weakness, you could allow me to go see my family for a day, considering my weak human self would not be missed."

He eyed me warily, the appraising look only too familiar now. I smiled, mockingly, yet as prettily as I could.

"I can not permit that." He pushed me aside easily and went back to his work on the desk.

"Why not?!"

"It is a matter of position."

I was really mad now. I got up and walked to the table. I slammed my hands against it, almost cracking it.

"What do you mean matter of position?! I need to see my family!!" I was steaming mad and on the verge of tears. I was nearly yelling in his face, I was that close. This was no way to be in front of Sesshoumaru.

"You are free to leave any time you wish, but our bargain will be broken and you may not come back."

I couldn't believe it. It was right, but I needed to see my family so bad. I was going crazy, thinking of what they might think happened to me. I missed them so much, and my friends.

"I understand. I'm sorry I bothered you. I'm going now." I turned to stand up, but Sesshoumaru's hand caught my wrist and held me in place.

"Why did you change my bandages?"

"Second habit, I guess." I looked at the wall, not wanting to see his face.

"It is rude to ignore those addressing you."

"Well you're just rude altogether."

"Do not jest with me, Kagome."

"I don't jest with anybody, Sesshoumaru-sama."

Sesshoumaru growled deeply, a growl I hadn't heard before.

"Look at me when you are spoken to."

I glared at the wall then turned to stare him in the face, only to be taken back instantly. His eyes were a deep golden color that literally astonished me. They were absolutely amazing. And they were staring directly into mine.

He stared at me, a spark of confusion cracking his stoic mask for a mere instant. He rose up until he stood over me. His hand let go of my wrist and my arm fell to my side. A clawed finger raised and traced along my jaw line, sending shivers down my spine. The whole while, my eyes were locked with his, an almost hypnotizing beauty to them. His claw stopped tracing my jaw and his hand cupped my cheek, the warmth of it surprising me.

"You are not a normal human, Kagome." He whispered in my ear, my whole body shaking with the chills running through it. "Inuyasha will come back for you." His lips brushed against my ear and I knew what was coming next. He was going to-no, Inuyasha would come for me. I pulled away and Sesshoumaru's hand dropped instantly from my face.

"I-I'm sorry. I have to go finish my duties. And…I expect I'll have some more in addition, tomorrow. I-he-" I sighed, my tongue betraying me, twisting in knots. I turned, but stopped when I opened the door.

"I hope you heal well. I suspect I won't be seeing you for a while, what with you being so busy." I forced a smile on the room before turning to the door again.

"Kagome. I can not allow you to go off to see your family." was a cold statement from the Sesshoumaru, already back at the desk, going over rolls of parchment.

I nodded, not expecting any more than that result.

"And Kagome. Double lessons for Rin tomorrow."

I nodded and slid the door shut, hoping that he would avoid me again…for the rest of my life.

__________________________________________________________________

"Come and get me, Kagome-neechan!" Rin sprinted off across the meadow, her head bobbing up and down, barely visible above the grasses.

I bent over, almost hyperventilating. I clutched at my chest, wondering how on earth it was humanly possible for something so small to have so much energy. She was literally bouncing off the trees. Literally.

"Ouch!" She fell backwards into the grass.

"Rin! Rin!" I ran to her as fast as I could, only to jump back when she suddenly popped back up out of nowhere.

"Come on, Kagome-neechan! Come catch me!" She ran off and almost disappeared in the fauna.

I almost fainted.

I wondered why on earth Rin had been put with me for not only her study period, but for the whole day. Not that it really I didn't enjoy spending time with her, mind you, but every time I finished one of my jobs, she immediately wanted to play. It wasn't a bad thing…it was a tiring thing. But, otherwise, I couldn't complain. She occupied herself when I was busy with various games such as a makeshift version of fetch where she would throw a stick…and go run after it. Needless to say, she provided plenty of entertainment.

But her running off was not a laughing matter…until I would find her. Then it would be a tickle war.

Somewhere I heard her voice, calling for me to follow her.

I ran towards the trees, my breath catching in my chest, feeling slightly dizzy. Something was wrong. I watched her form disappear as I chased after her, the flowers seeming to stretch out before my eyes. I ran in her wake, hoping that I could catch up to her. It seemed like the surroundings were dulling somehow. The flowers were moving like phantoms. Something was very wrong. I slowed down then stopped and slumped against the nearest tree. I clutched at my chest to assuage a sudden feeling of constriction that formed. Breathing became tedious as my chest was squeezed from within.

"Rin?"

There was a rustling in the bushes near me and I turned, the trees blurring into one dark shadow.

"Rin?" I called out again, a bit quieter as a form appeared slowly in the corner of my vision. I wavered and lost balance, slumping to my knees. The ground shifted and staggered before me, forming a nauseous sensation in my stomach. The quiet shuffle of ghostly footsteps. White feet.

"Rin…Sesshoumaru…" I muttered, the words barely escaping my lips. A dull haze seeped out from me and the white face stepped closer.

I collapsed to the ground, all colors seeped from my sight and I could no longer feel the ground beneath me. The haze coming from me was fading slowly.

"KAGOME-NEECHAN!" I heard the shriek come from somewhere and nowhere. The word formed on my lips.

"Run…" I could feel her leave, hear a muffled pounding from the ground as her feet thudded against it when she ran. It disintegrated along with my sight.

"Just me…. Right, Kanna?"

Somewhere there was a vibration, barely felt before all left.

Silence is like solitude, sightless is lonesome, unfeeling is isolation. Fright. And release.

AN: Ok, to answer a few questions….As for Shippou's death, I really haven't decided if I'm going to explain it. I think it might have a greater effect if you did not actually know what happened, but you could read Kagome's reaction. After all, that's the important part now. As for a lemon, you'll have to go somewhere else. I have nothing against lemons, in fact I sometimes enjoy the more mature nature they add, but I can not do a lemon the appropriate service. In other words, I can't write them, but I may eventually work on my citrus skills. So do not count on any lemony goodness, but know that it is a possibility. Depends on where I want their relationship to go. Oh, here are some vocab words.

Haori-as far as I know, the type of top/shirt/Yucatan thing Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha wear. (the white tope with red flower pattern) Might be a hakama though. ???

Gi -the type of pants Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha wear

Saigoku-the western lands (Sesshoumaru's territory)

Baa-chan-grandma (basically)