InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Throw Caution To The Wind ❯ Revelations of Wind and Stone ( Chapter 13 )

AN: Well, I would like to thank all of you ahead of time for your support. You've been wonderful and I've thoroughly enjoyed everyone's input and I'm very happy that this story has been enjoyed by so many. I hope you've enjoyed reading this story as much as I have writing it.

This chapter is dedicated to Grandpa, J.R., and Aunt B who my family has lost this year and who I wish I could have known better…

hinezumi no koromo-Inuyasha's robe of the fire-rat

Oba-san-grandmother

Oji-san-grandfather

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_CHAPTER 13_ REVELATIONS OF WIND AND

STONE

If those around us are the ones who shape us, do we control anything about who we become? Are we just clay in the hands of those that are in are lives, waiting to be sculpted, molded to their liking? Our experiences, all brought about by something before hand in the domino effect which is our lives, cut or smooth our edges out, trace our contour lines and fill in the details with our feelings which, more often than not, are not even our own feelings but those pressed upon us. So, are we in control of anything? Can we decided what type of person we are going to be, or is it left to fate and influence? I've asked this question often, seeing as how my life has been one of mountains and deep chasms, of roadblocks and clear freeways and of blue skies and thunderstorms. Can we not choose our traits, beliefs, personalities? Can we not at least choose the sculptors who shape our beings, I ask, plead. My answer is this. I choose to be alive, don't I?

That night I lay in bed, memories still brushing in every once in a while, finding their places in my mind. Inuyasha eating, no, gobbling, down a bowl of instant ramen. Inuyasha hugging me before pushing me back into my time for my protection. Inuyasha filled my mind and my body hurt for the wish to see him. To see Sango, Miroku, Kaede, Kirara. And the memories of Shippou. They came back also, along with a pain and emptiness in a certain piece of my heart. Another piece had been filled, though-the piece which had mourned the forgetting of my friends.

With the recovery of my memories, the past two months had not faded from my mind in exchange. I remembered everything. Had the reason why I had taken so to the servants and others in this castle been only because I missed my other friends so much? I couldn't help but think that they had just been temporary replacements, reassuring myself that I had not completely forgotten my other friends. I was trying to justify the reason I had come to love people who had only provided harmful obstacles to my friends before. Yes, I had only come to love Maki and Kaji because they reminded me of Kaede. Fumie and Wakiko because they reminded me of Sango. It was obvious, I could never forget my friends and found them in others, obvious, that's what I told myself reassuringly. Inuyasha, the silver hair and golden eyes which I had loved, I had grown to love in Sesshoumaru because of their likenesses.

I usually consider myself a strong person, but I cried that night for many reasons, some I didn't understand and don't ever think that I will.

Sesshoumaru didn't sleep in my room.

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I didn't expect to find Sesshoumaru in the dining room the next morning. I didn't expect I would see him at all anymore. I don't know why. Perhaps I had convinced myself that it was all a dream, and now that I was aware of what had happened, they would all vanish, along with Sesshoumaru.

I was going to leave when I caught sight of his silver hair and white haori. But then, the best way to deal with something is to face it head on, stand up to it and do the best you can. Problems don't fix themselves. My mother taught me that. I suddenly felt weak. My mother. What was she doing at that moment, five hundred years in the future?

I entered silently and took a seat across from Sesshoumaru at the table who was looking over a scroll of parchment while supposedly eating his breakfast which looked untouched. I shifted uncomfortably, uncrossing and crossing my legs beneath me on the cushion. There was a tension in the air and I wondered if he was aware of it or if I was making it. A servant-the young youkai Fumie-brought in breakfast for me and set it down before me. I caught a sad smile that tainted her face, and she left without a word. A memory passed before me of her and myself laughing at some insignificant thing. Her smile had been easy and warm. I recognized her as a kind youkai who had shown me a good character about herself and to be an admirable friend and a good servant of Sesshoumaru. But a servant of Sesshoumaru.

"Good morning, Sesshoumaru." I said quietly, but loudly enough not to be ignored. Even though I had recovered my lost memories, they had not pushed or blocked out my memories of what had occurred for the last two months or so. He had tricked me, even convinced me that I was someone who I was not, even made me believe that I belonged with these people. He was unpredictable. He didn't kill me, in fact allowed me to live with him, but I couldn't trust him. He proved more enigmatic than he had been when I had not known him. I lost my trust in him.

He did not look up from his parchment, but nodded curtly. I knew I was lucky to even receive that response from him, so I took it without complaint. I picked up my chopsticks and my rice bowl, lifting it up with my hand, but didn't bring it to my mouth. What would I do? No matter what, I couldn't stay at Sesshoumaru's castle any longer, I did not belong there and I had friends to find and a family to return to. I remembered the time I had asked Sesshoumaru to allow me to visit my family and he had not let me. Was that because he had been afraid I would remember? Somehow, that didn't seem to be it. Why would he care if I remembered anything, I had come to this castle of my own free will. That memory had come back and had a haunting, dark effect on me. I had gotten myself into all of this. But still, he had kept the illusions alive, he had made me believe that I was there voluntarily when he had said that any time-

"You are not eating." His cold, calm voice issued from behind the parchment and veil of silver hair. It seemed to die on the air as soon as he said it. He was right, of course.

"You aren't either." I stated plainly. He let out a low scoff and ignored my statement. I placed my untouched rice back onto the table and picked up my tea. I wasn't really hungry.

"When I first came back-to be your servant in exchange for you not killing my friends-you said I may leave whenever I wished." I am not one to dodge around anything for too long. My brother, Souta, always said I was pretty direct for a girl. That is, unless I don't want to do something. This, however, was not the time for skirting around topics. He shifted, picking up another piece of parchment and studying it thoroughly.

"I did. You are free to leave whenever you wish, but with the appropriate consequences. I will not refrain from attacking your colleagues when I deem necessary if you are gone."

"Of course…" Was this his feeble attempt to coerce me into staying, or was he merely reminding me of our bargain, which I was sure, still held fast in his eyes.

"I-I-Why did you do it?" I couldn't say it. I couldn't tell him. It was true, I wanted to go back, but I wanted answers first. It would be easier to leave then, with answers, breaking all connections, leaving nothing hanging between myself and them.

He set aside his documents and stared straight at me. "I do not know what you are speaking of." he stated smoothly. I couldn't believe it.

"You know! How you tricked me into staying here! How you fed me those lies and watched me soak them up, trusting you. I trusted you!" I yelled at him, my tea slamming the cup into the table, the glass shattering, cutting my hand. Sesshoumaru didn't flinch. I didn't feel it.

"Kagome, you delude yourself."

I sat there, shocked, leaning over the table, the broken pottery cutting into my fingers.

"I can't believe this. I can't believe you. I trusted you, Sesshoumaru! I trusted you and look where it got me! Living in a house of strangers, my own family probably thinks I'm dead, and my friends probably believe I deserted them! If anything, I thought there was trust. You," I spread my arms about in a fury. "and everyone else here has misled me! The whole time, you were just keeping me here like some pet! This was all a lie. I bet every single thing that came out of your mouth was a lie!" I was fuming now and felt as if I would break down, but tears did not come, they refused to and I was proud.

" I never once told you anything that would make you draw such conclusions as you did. Think, Kagome. Did I ever say anything about you being my wife? I did not. Do not deride me, human. I am not the one who placed such delusions and fairy tales in your mind, that was your own doing. Because your shortcomings are numerous in quantity, do not hold myself accountable for your misconceptions." His voice came out sharp and freezing like ice. His so well contained anger was seeping out, infecting the room.

And he was right. I thought back to everything the servants and he had said, and they had never once uttered anything that was a lie.

"Everyone lies, Kagome. It is the only truth. But, mark my word, everything anyone here told you was the truth. My household is not one of deceit upon others unless they bring it upon themselves. Everything said here was the truth, though it may not have been the full truth, it was the truth. It was suggested for your own good that we did not correct you. Do not degrade myself and those around me for giving you the truth when you asked for it and letting you play out your fantasies."

I sat back, letting my hands fall off the table to my sides. My head dropped and I felt a numbing sensation spreading through my body. My head was a blurry-white, like when you drive through fog and can only see five feet in front of you. I felt like I couldn't see anything. Like everything that I had thought had been a twisted, warped version of a partial truth. And it was.

"What happened here?" I whispered, as I felt myself become void of emotion, or perhaps overcome with it.

"I do not know what you talk of." he bit out angrily.

"What happened here…I have two lives already. I can't take another one. No, I don't belong here. What am I doing here..this isn't right. I must be sick. Where is everyone…why am I here alone with Sesshoumaru…where's Inuyasha…my mom…"

Suddenly, flashes of memories flowed into my head from their locked away places, ones that hadn't stormed free yet. This time, I didn't collapse, I didn't fall to my knees.

"Sesshoumaru-"

"You are a disheveled mess, Kagome. You have not slept enough and you need to eat. Humans can not do this to themselves."

I looked down at myself. Again, he was right. Strands of hair had fallen in my face, stringy and disheveled. I felt the throbbing pain in my hands and looked down to see my kimono stained red where I had wiped them.

I nodded, and somehow managed to stagger to my feet. I stumbled and Sesshoumaru's arm grasped mine, helping me up. I pulled away from it sharply.

"You've done enough for one lifetime, Sesshoumaru. You're more dangerous than I ever thought."

His arm fell to his side and he watched me make my way slowly to the door.

"And how is that." his voice was cold, reflective like an empty mirror that, no matter how hard you looked, never showed what you wanted to see.

"You wouldn't understand." I slid the door open and closed it behind me. It slid shut smoothly and quietly, and I hated it.

I made it up to my room fine, but didn't fall asleep for a long time. Instead, I lay, wondering why I was going insane, and how I was going to get out of there. Away from all of them, from him. I didn't cry, I didn't scream. I just lay there, staring at the ceiling. Sometimes we seem stronger than we are. Sometimes we are weaker than we seem.

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Sleep came and stayed for a day. When I woke, it was night, not a midnight black night, but a dark blue night. I looked up at the sky and decided that I could not go back to sleep, so I lay, restless, always turning back to the side where I could look at the sky. I shifted uneasily, my stomach making its emptiness well-known and my unease interrupting all chances of sleep. Many things were missing, and for once, I knew what they all were. Just as my short fit of insanity had come to me the day before, it had left leaving a clarity behind it that had never been there before. My mental break had let me look at all that had happened and I felt a small sense of calm, even if it was just momentary.

I decided that some fresh air would do me well since I had been inside for the better part of two days. I remembered the spot in the garden where I had gone so many times before, as Sesshoumaru's wife. The one with the rose bush. White roses which seemed to exude a pureness and perfection in such an imperfect time of war and struggle. It was like a freak, the rose plant, a pure impurity amongst native flowers where it did not belong. A freak or a miracle. It made me wish to see the time five hundred years ahead where a simple thing like a rose was not given a second glance, not weeded out from other flora. Trading outcast for insignificant. Which is worse?

The ground was cold and damp in the garden, but I sat anyways. It was beautiful and peaceful and seemed a safe heaven, a corner of paradise untouched by the troubles and worries of the time. I loved it, but also hated the sense of perfected falseness associated with it. It promised happiness, shelter, yet in the end, a garden would not protect you from pain. But I took comfort in it. Everything seemed clearer there, even if the sky caused a sense of disquiet in me. I had even started to forgive Sesshoumaru. I had realized that what he said was true, I had brought myself to my own conclusions and I had no right to blame him for any of my assumptions. He had taken care of me, even if I had originally been a servant, and made me into something far beyond a servant, or I made myself, depending on what way you look at it. I could not hold a grudge against him and those around him.

I stared at the sky, the very tops of the rose buds fitting in the corner of my view. The plant's bloom had shriveled and died, dropping brown and wrinkled to the earth, but new buds would take their place. Tiny green leaves were already unrolling to replace the dying ones, and it was reassuring, that no matter what, nature would always return to its beautiful ways.

I turned my head, addressing a slight rustle I had heard, to see Sesshoumaru walking towards me. He stopped and gazed at the rose bush then turned to me. He said nothing, just looked at me. It was a look that held meaning in it, although what meaning, I didn't know and couldn't tell. But I seemed to understand something in his movements, as minimal as they were. I held his gaze, not blinking, just staring into his golden eyes, trying to figure out where I fit in, in all of this. I looked at him a while longer, then turned to the comforting roses, then the uneasy feeling of the sky.

"It's a new moon tonight." I said quietly, talking to myself. That was why the stars held such apprehension for me. I wondered how Inuyasha was, if he was safe in his human form. I wanted to be there to help look after him and tell him that I liked him as a human and it was not a weakness to be one. I wanted to look in his large, young golden eyes, not the narrower, wiser eyes of his half brother. Yet, the fact that they were so alike was reassuring. They could be so different, and yet so similar. It was odd, but consoling.

"Why do you always come to this spot?" he said, also quietly, not demanding like I would have expected. Perhaps the garden had the same calming effect on him as it did myself.

"I like it here. Nobody annoys me." I looked pointedly at him, and I couldn't help but grin slightly as he raised an eyebrow. All that time spent with Inuyasha had made me sharp in my responses. I liked it though. It seemed Sesshoumaru also liked to play that game, as I remembered many a heated conversation between us over the last months. I admitted, reluctantly, that they had not been painful or taxing times.

"And I am considered a "nobody"?

I sighed. "I guess it depends on who you're asking. Everyone's somebody to someone, even if they don't know it."

"Yes, you're right, Kagome."

The way he said my name was so different than how anyone else had ever said it. It sounded like an extravagant, foreign word, yet simple and familiar at the same time. He always said it that way.

"That means we all are. Somebody. You're somebody, I'm somebody, hell even Jaken's somebody. It's perfect in a sour, twisted way, isn't it?" I smiled, but the smile twisted as my eyes began to get blurry. Memories of times when Inuyasha ran off after Kikyo came to mind, but they were battled with memories of his smiles at me and his hugs. Which would win, I wondered.

"Kagome-" his voice didn't ring through the night like mine, but seemed to die on the wind, as if the only thing that could hear it was me.

"I have to leave, Sesshoumaru." I turned from the new moon to look at him. Even if it didn't matter what he felt, I wanted to know it. He sat, still and motionless like a marble statue of a god of the classical times. He sat like that, looking at the rose bush for a moment, but turned to me, his whole being radiating complete silence.

I didn't want to hear him speak with that calm, stone, soothing voice. "I understand the consequences. You will be able to attack my friends. Just watch out for my arrows.." I smiled meekly but it faded like a passing breeze. "There are responsibilities I have. People I love that I need to see. I promised Rin I would always be with her. Can you tell her I'm sorry?"

"It would be best if you told her yourself. I don't believe she'd listen to me. You have had an astoundingly bad influence on her." He said matter-of-factly.

"Right." I replied slowly. Sesshoumaru rose to leave, but I stopped him.

"Inuyasha came for me twice. Why didn't you let him take me. I-could have-I-"

"We'll leave tomorrow morning after the sun rises. I will take you to Inuyasha's forest." There was a hollowness in his voice that spoke finality. He left and walked back in the direction he had come from.

My kimono was soaked through from the wet earth and I shuddered at the cold.

________________________________________________________________ < p>I collected myself and got up to go back to my room, seeing as how it was still night and I had no idea what time it was. I stopped though as a small figure came towards me.

"Kagome-sama…" It was and very cold-looking Jaken.

"Jaken…" Jaken bowed quickly, extending his hands in front of him where something was resting.

"A long while ago, you left this in the garden after speaking to Sesshoumaru-sama. Please forgive this Jaken! I meant to give it to you sooner, but it escaped my mind."

I took the white object in his hands and realized it was parchment tied with a ribbon. I was confused, but took it anyway.

"Thank you Jaken. Now go inside before Maki has to cook frozen frog legs for dinner."

"Of-of course, Kagome-sama." Jaken bowed and made to scurry away.

"Jaken?"

He stopped abruptly and turned around. "Yes, Kagome-sama?"

"Relax. You don't have to call me Kagome-sama anymore."

"But-"

"I'm not your lord's wife. You don't need to call this human woman that anymore."

"Kagome-sama, you may be a filthy human-"

"Thank you, Jaken."

"but you have proved to be…a smart and resourceful human. You took care of Sesshoumaru-sama's ward and I have you to thank for Kero's company. I didn't start calling you Kagome-sama because you were supposedly Sesshoumaru-sama's wife. It is a term of…" he grimaced "respect for you. You are a different human. Not annoying."

I smiled quietly. As rough as Jaken may seem, he's just a toad waiting for someone to show they care. He had been very respectful of me for a while now.

"Thank you Jaken."

Jaken let a smile slip and I had to feel happier because of it, yet I almost wish he hadn't. There was a reason why Jaken didn't smile much. A very good, scary reason. "And Jaken…"

"Yes, Kagome-sama?"

"I'll miss you."

"Yes, Kagome-sama." Jaken bowed, his eyes shining, and scurried off to wherever he went at night.

When I got to my room, I lit a candle. By its light, I unrolled the small sheet of parchment and immediately remembered. It was the picture Rin had drawn of herself, Jaken, Sesshoumaru, and myself. I studied the picture slowly, scanning over the disheveled forms of those betrayed in splotched ink. It couldn't possibly be me. I looked so happy.

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I had hoped to escape unattached, without word, yet it seemed that news travels around a castle quickly and in the morning, I was greeted by the entire household, one by one. They would slip in while I was packing or talk to me as they served me breakfast. It was like I was dying, they all seemed relaxed, as if they new it had been coming all along. They all wished me luck with whatever came to me, yet none of them said goodbye. They gave me their best wishes and gave me food and small presents to set me off, but not one of them looked anything other than positively happy. Silently I wondered if I had been such a bad guest as to constitute happiness at my going away.

Jaken and Kero promised to come see me whenever they could, even though Jaken had some qualms about being anywhere around the "pathetic excuse for a hanyou" that was Inuyasha. My last visitor, however, was the most precious.

A small hand pulled me aside while the servants were placing my pack and belongings on top of Ah-Un's back. I wouldn't be traveling via Sesshoumaru's arms this time, and it was perfectly acceptable to me.

"Rin-chan! I didn't think I would be able to find you." I whispered. Rin smiled sadly. "What's wrong, Rin-chan?" I asked the girl who was staring at her feet. She reminded me so much of Shippou that I couldn't help comparing the two. Was that really the only reason why I loved Rin?

"My dream came true, Kagome-okasan. Kagome-okasan's leaving Rin and Sesshoumaru-sama and Jaken-sama. Kagome-okasan promised! Rin doesn't want kagome-okasan to leave! " she always reverted to her old grammatical ways when emotional and I thought it was adorable. My eyes instantly moistened and I felt like I would cry and Rin, the child, would have to support me. There was only one thing I could say.

"Rin-chan, you're absolutely right. I did promise to never leave you. I'm sorry, I really am, but think of it this way. I'm never really gone, Rin-chan. I'm always with you wherever you are and whenever you need anything, you can always send someone to get me. I promise I will come as fast as I can. Ok?"

She rubbed her eyes and sniffed then looked up at me, her big brown eyes shining brightly. "Promise?"

"Pinky swear!" I smiled, holding out my hand. We shook pinkies and Rin's demeanor returned to its happy state. I hugged her tightly. "Oh! I almost forgot!" I reached inside my kimono and pulled out the tale of the cat and the mouse with its colorful children's illustrations . "I'm giving it to you!"

"Really?!" she squealed delightfully. I nodded and she jumped up and down. "Wow, it's my favorite, Kagome-okasan! You're the best okasan there is!" She smiled happily.

"Now Rin," I said seriously, pointing my finger at her. "I want you to be able to read that perfectly by the next time I see you. And make sure you read it to Sesshoumaru-sama every night! He could use it!" Rin giggled and nodded. "Oh, one more thing." I drew out the piece of tied parchment. "This picture isn't quite done yet." Rin took the paper and unrolled it smiling when she saw her artwork.

"What's wrong, Kagome-okasan?!"

"Well you see…you're going to have to add Kero in there by Jaken." Rin giggled and I gave her a swift hug. "I have to go now, Rin. You be safe and take care of everyone for me!"

"Ok!" she smiled and her great big eyes squinted as her gap tooth grin appeared. I waved as I walked backward to Ah-Un.

Sesshoumaru was standing by Ah-Un and picked me up swiftly from behind, throwing me onto the back of the dragon creature. I yelped but waved to Rin as Ah-Un started into the forest. And I realized that I didn't love Rin because she reminded me of Shippou, I just loved her even more for it. She was her own, smart, brave little girl, and there was simply no way you could not love her.

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The trip took us about two days. My bag was fastened by straps to Ah-Un, containing everything that had been in there before, plus some kimonos that had been given to me. Sesshoumaru replied that there was no one else who would ever use them and they were worthless in his eyes anyways.

We hardly spoke a word the entire time. Sesshoumaru was frigid and even more distant and I did nothing on my part to shorten the gap between us. I probably encouraged it, in fact. I cooked, but he ate nothing and my appetite was failing. Once I tried to ask him a question, but he hadn't replied at all. He was like a living sculpture of ice and blood.

Once, he started to say something, and I was starving for conversation, but not from him. I had cut him off, asking about Inuyasha's forest. But even though we didn't say a word, my eyes never left his back. I seemed to be fixated on him in some incoherent way that disturbed and confused me. Something was telling me 'you're never going to see that hair again' and 'this is the last time you'll see those blue and red markings' and it scared me. I don't like the idea of anything just disappearing from my life. I deal with it well, but I can't stand change. As much as he caused confusion and problems, and a sickening security, I didn't want him to disappear from my life. It would be like losing another piece of my memories.

"We've arrived." were the two, cold, empty words I heard as I slid off of the back of Ah-Un. They cut like daggers.

Sesshoumaru stood, staring into the woods, motionless and I approached him from behind after removing my belongings from the two-headed dragon.

"Sesshoumaru…" I said uneasily, staring at the back of his proud form. "about Rin…"

" I will bring her to visit when or if I see fit." he answered for me. " Inuyasha is at the river of the nearby village. It is not far from here. Head east and you will run into him."

I nodded, my eyes closed. I felt two hands, one on each side of my cheek. The large hands tilted my head back and I felt his lips rest against my forehead. When I opened my eyes, Sesshoumaru was gone. I don't know how long I stood there, knowing that my life would never be the same.

I heaved my trusty yellow pack on and marched into the forest, finding difficultly walking through brush while wearing a kimono. I walked on for a few minutes, observing my quiet surroundings, when my eyes starting to sting and my vision blurred. I slumped against a tree and buried my face in my hands, tears streaming down them and spilling onto the dry, cracked earth, seeping into the ground that could not cry with me.

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Arms wrapped around me in tight embraces and voices blurred together. Someone was crying.

"Oh Kagome, I'm so happy you're alright! I missed you so much! We were so worried about you! We thought you'd never come back!" Sango's voice rang out, warm tears landing lightly on the top of my kimono.

"Yes, we were very worried for you Kagome-sama. We've all missed you very much." Miroku's hands clasped mine then pulled me into a friendly embrace, for once not bothering to travel south. After a while, Sango and Miroku pulled away, allowing me to cast a glance at Inuyasha. He was looking at me, an unreadable expressions across his features. It hit me just how much the two brothers looked alike. I smiled at him, unable to express the amount of happiness I felt, just standing there, smiling at him.

"Inuyasha, aren't you going to welcome Kagome-sama back?" Miroku questioned, stepping back from me. Inuyasha looked startled then his face went blank.

"Y-yeah. R-right. Welcome back." He turned away and headed off towards the village. Miroku and Sango looked after him confusedly, but turned back to me, filling me in on many a missed adventure.

"Kaede is in her hut. She'll be very happy to see you, Kagome-chan!" Sango buzzed as we followed behind Inuyasha, just like old times, to Kaede's village. I felt like a little child at her birthday, just about to open a heaping pile of presents. It was amazing, the effect my friends had on me and it made me realize just how much I had missed them, but Inuyasha's evasive and distant attitude disturbed me.

"Sango…is Inuyasha injured? Nothing happened last night, did it?" I whispered to her anxiously.

"No, I don't think so, nothing he's told us at least."

"Oh." I kicked a small rock as I walked. "He didn't ask me what happened."

"What?" Sango looked at me sideways. "What do you mean?"

"He didn't ask me what happened while I was gone. It's not normal. Usually, he'd be all over me, especially for being gone for so long. " I muttered, kicking another rock.

Sango stopped and turned to me, grasping my hand in hers. "Kagome-chan, Inuyasha wasn't himself while you were gone. He was impatient all the time."

"He's always impatient." I interjected.

"Yes, but this was different. He just wasn't the same without you, Kagome-chan. He was probably sad because you didn't tell him where you were going and he's probably just really glad to have you back. That's most likely why he didn't ask you about what happened… Does it bother you?"

I stared at my feet. "I hope you're right. No, it doesn't bother me, in fact, I don't really want to talk about it." I said, hoping she would relay the message to Miroku and I would be spared having to explain everything. I hoped that Sango's hypothesis to Inuyasha's lack of questioning was correct. But, somehow, it seemed to me that he had just matured. Like he could understand me more, when he stood there, looking at me with that blank expression.

"It's ok." Sango put her hand around my shoulder as we caught back up to Miroku and Inuyasha.

"Ah, Kagome. It is indeed a blessing to see you again, child." Kaede smiled warmly, her eyes creasing at the ends. I realized how much I had missed that wise smile that always seemed to hold comfort.

"I missed you, Kaede-bachan." I hugged her and settled down on the floor of the hut, by the fire as Kaede bustled around, preparing something for dinner. I stared at the fire and the orange-yellow flames jumped and crackled at me either warmly, or accusingly, like a happy child or a scornful adult. Something can mean many different things, depending on your perspective. Maybe I was too quiet for too long.

"Do you wish to talk about it, Kagome?" her voice carried from the corner where she was cutting radishes for our meal.

"Not really, Kaede-bachan. But if I do, I'll tell you first."

"Whatever is best for you, Kagome."

"Kaede-bachan?" I asked without turning away from the flames which had taken over my attention.

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

"Of course." She cut the top from a radish.

It was cool outside, almost cold. I was chilled, now that I was wearing my old school uniform instead of a long kimono. It was a tradition, and I felt like my uniform was part of my life with Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku. I had put it on immediately after dinner.

I walked across the town bridge and to the edge of the forest, hoping that the night would calm my nerves somewhat, and it seemed to work. The night was not a deep blue, but a speckled black. Even the sky was different in Sesshoumaru's lands and Inuyasha's forest. Yet, as different as they may be, each came and went without hesitation, right on schedule, and each brought sleep to those within them, even if they did not bring peace.

I hadn't been walking long when a form appeared, walking towards me, materializing out of the trees like a dark ghost.

"Kagome?" Inuyasha looked at me in the darkness and I wondered just how much more his keen doggy eyes could pick up than mine.

"Hi, Inuyasha." I said, less emotion in my words than normal. If he was going to be distant with me, I would let him.

"W-what are you doing out here? It's dangerous." he stuttered slightly.

"I could ask you the same question."

"But you're a human."

"You are two. Half, at least. And full, once a month."

"Not tonight."

"Last night."

"So?"

"Knowing you, Inuyasha," I berated him as he stepped forward and I could distinguish his red outline of the fire rat robe in the moonlight. He took another step and I could easily see his white ears and golden eyes. He was standing right in front of me. "You were probably out here last night, also." I was slightly annoyed at his hypocritical attitude. " And also knowing you-"

"Kagome…" his arms wrapped around me and he pulled me against him in a warm embrace that made me feel I was the safest person in the world. I immediately lost all anger and melted into the hug and he rested his head on the top of mine. "It was so different…I missed you." he whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear. "At first, I didn't think it would matter, but then…I'm glad you're safe. I was scared, Kagome, and there was nothing I could do. Nothing I could do for you. I went crazy, trying to find you and then when I did find you I couldn't get you back. And now you're back and…" he pulled back from me and lowered his face to mine, kissing me softly, tentatively, his lips brushing over mine. It felt warm and safe and familiar and all I wanted to do was be able to stay like that, somewhere I knew, with someone I knew, that was special to me. So when the same feeling of uneasiness that I had experienced with Sesshoumaru came to me with Inuyasha, I shoved it back vengefully, determined to not let a small feeling of unease interrupt my time back with my friends, whom I had missed so much. I kissed Inuyasha back warmly, tears of happiness and relief leaking into his hinezumi no koromo. I had been crying too much the last few days. It was becoming a bad habit.

It went unspoken that I missed my friends dearly and wished to be around them as much as I could, but I had another life I desperately wanted to see, another family to go to. After the second day of being back in Kaede's village, I told everyone that I needed to go to my mother, Souta, and Oji-san. Sango had nodded happily along with Miroku, wishing me a happy reunion, and Inuyasha said nothing but nodded. I smiled, happily and squeezed him, relieved that he would not try to block my way back. I was right, Inuyasha had matured. If I had been more myself, I might have mused that I should leave more often, seeing the effects it had. But I wasn't myself, at least that's what I was hearing from, seemingly, everyone.

When I went back through the bone eater's well, it was comforting, the purple glow that enveloped me and warmed me to the skin, something forgotten, but cherished. When I landed in the well shrine on the grounds of our shrine, is was empty and quiet. As desolate and deserted as the grounds seemed, they housed a warm familiarity that comforted me. Anything that was sure and known comforted me after what I had gone through. But still, it seemed empty and somewhat cold. In the castle, there had always been somebody doing something or going somewhere. I love peace and quiet, but after being somewhere that tending to have very little of it, I could only stand very little of it.

I didn't call out. Maybe I wanted to surprise my family, just drop in. "Hi everybody! I'm back from visiting the past for who knows how long! Surprise, I'm not dead! Yet!" Yes, I could see the look on my mother's face. "I'm sorry, Kagome. We thought you would never come back, so we rented out your room. Hope you don't mind." No, my family would never do that. The sound of twigs against stone. Brushing. What would I say when I saw them? Brushing. What was there to say?

"Kagome?" The brushing sound had stopped and my mother stood, the handle to a broom loose in her grip. She looked at me as if she wasn't sure whether I was real or not.

"Momma!" I ran, straight into her warm arms and wrapped mine around her, a sudden burst of emotion evading my mind. "Momma…" The broom clattered to the ground.

"I'm so glad you're safe, Kagome." Momma hugged me tightly in her way that said 'everything will be fine'. "I'm so glad you found your way back to us."

It had been the same with Souta and Grandpa. Happy, warm welcome back's. I knew that my home there would always be the same, always be there for me, and it was the most pleasing, happy thing I could have known at the moment.

The next night, Grandpa was working with chants and ofudas and Souta had gone to bed. Momma was washing dishes and I was drying them for her with a starched white towel.

"Momma…"

"Yes, Kagome?"

"I want to tell you about it."

"Hm? About what, Kagome?"

"What happened to me when I left Inuyasha's group those two times. Why I was gone so long…"

Momma turned off the water, turning to me.

"Are you sure you want to talk about it?" I don't know how Momma always knows what I'm feeling. She knew that I didn't really want to talk about it, but it needed to be said and I felt so safe with her.

"Yeah." I nodded, drying a rice bowl.

"I'll always listen, you know that, Kagome." And she always knew exactly what to say. That's all I needed, someone who would listen.

"Thanks, Momma." She dried her hands and we took seats at the dinner table. And I told her everything. Everything that had happened, everything that might happen because of what had happened. There were many people and things she didn't know, but I told her about them all as they entered the story, and she listened patiently. Immediately after I was done, I felt better, a sense of relief. We even laughed when I recited Jaken's poem.

Nobody on earth, past or present, could ever replace Momma. She just understands. I hoped that I could grow to be like her.

"You've changed, Kagome. You've gotten older."

"I'm sorry, Momma. I know I haven't acted the same. I would understand if you never wanted me to go back again. I'm sorry.

"Don't be sorry, Kagome. And I would never stop you from going back. You have your responsibilities and I think it is very noble that you look after them as well as you do. And you have changed, but you haven't. You'll always have us and we'll always love you, no matter what choices you make. You will always be Kagome. That will never change. She left for a second, then came back, carrying my yellow backpack, filled with provisions.

"Who am I to hold up the past?" She smiled. "Do what you need to do. Do what you want to do. Just come check in every once in a while. I'll always cook dinner for you."

"Y-you want me to leave now? Is that alright?" I looked at her, scanning for signs of sadness she could have been covering. That was Momma's best and worst quality-she cared to much about others and not enough about herself.

"You have many more people there waiting for you, Kagome. I'll tell Grandpa and Souta that you've gone and give them you love. Your sweatshirt's inside you bag. Oh, and bring this Sesshoumaru fellow to visit sometime. I would like to meet the man who my daughter was allegedly married to for some time." she smiled warmly at me with a happy laugh.

I smiled widely at her and pulled out my blue sweatshirt and slipped it over my head, the world around me disappearing as I did so for one glimpse of time. I hugged and kissed Momma, then slung the pack over my shoulder. I smiled back at her and headed out the door.

"Kagome…" She called after me and I turned, wishing that my two lives were not so separate and so very different. "I'm very proud of you." she smiled at me, a smile that I will never forget as hers, for its understanding and acceptance.

____________________________________________________________ ______

Momma was right, I had changed. They wouldn't say it to my face because they didn't want to worry me, but I caught a glimpse of one of Sango and Miroku's conversations.

"I know that Shippou's death was very hard on us all, especially Kagome-sama when she first left, but I can't help but see how changed she seems now that she's back. She seems different from when she left us."

"Yes, Kagome-chan has changed quite a bit. She's quieter, not as outgoing, and more..removed. I catch her just staring off into space sometimes. We'll always care for her, yet I can't help but miss the happier Kagome."

"I know, Sango. But Kagome-sama has been through much. Naraku's trickery and imprisoning of her mind. Staying in the Saigoku. Perhaps she has dealt with much more than we can imagine." I wanted to kiss Miroku.

"What do you think happened there…in Sesshoumaru's territory? Do you think he took her prisoner?"

"It is hard to say, Sango, but right now, all we can do is be there for her. Kagome-sama is strong, she will get through whatever this is, and we can try to help her to the best of our abilities."

They were the best friend's I could ever wish for, and just for them, I would try to be as happy as I could.

We collected a number of shards over the following months, not including the one given to me by Rin, after it was mistaken for a 'pretty rock'. Which I guess, it really was. We went on, the gatherers of the shikon no tama, each for our own reason. Sometimes, I wondered if we were destined to wander, searching forever for the lost pieces of the magical jewel of four souls, like cursed characters in an ancient myth. Would we rewrite history or would history rewrite us?

It didn't matter. I enjoyed just being with my friends, maybe not safe, but happy. I reminded myself constantly that I was lucky just to be back with my friends and have my memories return. I didn't complain at all, no matter how much something bothered me. I was glad enough just to be with Inuyasha and with our time together, we seemed to grow closer, yet farther apart. I was reminded too often of his cynic half brother and he was reminded too often of a lost love that came back to haunt. It stretched us apart, yet I felt our bond tighten because of it. In our shared torments, we reached a mutual understanding.

It wasn't until three weeks after I had returned to Inuyasha, but true to his word, Sesshoumaru brought Rin to see me. We had just packed up camp and were eating a light breakfast before planning on continuing eastward after the rumor of a stray shard. I was happy to see Rin, and she ecstatic to see me, but the very sight of Sesshoumaru brought back memories that, while with Inuyasha, I had tried to suppress.

He hadn't said anything. Even when Inuyasha questioned him openly on the reason for his sudden appearance to our group, he said nothing, and I was forced to explain to Inuyasha that Sesshoumaru had brought Rin to see me. Sesshoumaru did not respond to Inuyasha's minimal comments, only watched on as Rin showered me with a barrage of questions and played with me.

An uneasiness occurred when I was caught, both of them-Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru- around me. I found myself finding that certain actions of one reminded me of the other and my mind was in a constant game of a gray game of tag between the two. So, I blocked it all out, shut it down, determined to have a good time with Rin while she was there. But, blocking out feelings is not a simple task, and forgetting them is even harder. They always come back. But, I did manage to hold them back from my immediate attention.

I didn't really talk to Sesshoumaru or Inuyasha while Sesshoumaru was with our group, and they left late in the afternoon after Rin gave me my picture, complete with Kero and all. I didn't want her to leave, but she promised that she'd come back and Sesshoumaru said nothing, meaning he had no objections. I found it odd, for me to be taking comfort in the promises of a young girl, when I had been the one comforting, promising her just weeks before. When had I come to rely on our little friendship so much?

They visited often when they did, and when they didn't, it wasn't for a long time. Still, I was pleased at the amount of time Sesshoumaru was giving to Rin and myself. Jaken and Kero even came with Rin once or twice and I learned that they had become mates. I was very happy for the two of them. And then, on their second visit, Kero pulled me aside and gave me the great news that she was expecting. Twenty-five eggs.

"That's wonderful, Kero!" though I didn't know how many more Jakens the world could handle, I figured the world would be ok, considering all it had put up with so far.

"Thank you, Kagome-sama. It is all your doing, you know! We are very grateful to you!" She beamed at me, her giant eyes sparkling like headlights.

"Don't mention it! It's so rewarding, seeing you two happy together!" I kneeled down and hugged her, not caring if there was a risk of warts. This was a great thing for my friend, and I was happy for her. But, somewhere, to my shame, jealousy was eating at my heart. She had found the perfect, one person for her, and they could have each other forever.

It seemed, as time progressed slowly, that Sesshoumaru and Rin's presence became less bothersome, maybe even almost welcome. Despite his threats, Sesshoumaru didn't ever attack our group willingly again. In fact, he even put in his fair share of slices when Inuyasha had battled Naraku. Said he too had reasons for destroying the thieving and murdering hanyou. We all had our reasons, so it wasn't surprising. Just as I had my fair share of reasons for disintegrating the bastard with purified arrows.

And Rin. Sango took to Rin quiet quickly, perhaps finding her to be like her brother Kohaku. And Miroku seemed to exude a fatherly warmth when she was around, except for when he commented on how beautiful of a woman she would be when grown up. Sango made sure he only said it once. But, Rin's presence seemed to bring out the parental tendencies of Miroku and Sango, let alone myself, and made me fully aware of how good my two friends would be with children. After all, most of the girls Sango's age had already been married. I wondered if she wished she had a life that included a husband and her own kids, as I'm pretty sure Miroku did. Or had she given up the idea of a domestic life in return for one of revenge and death? At one time or another, it seemed that all of our group was destined to continue on forever, never resting until death. And yet, sometimes I could feel our progress in our journey, taste the finish line, though I could never see it. Sometimes we seemed doomed. Other times we seemed destined.

When Sesshoumaru and Rin were there, it was difficult. Sometimes there was the undertone of silence, but other times, it seemed natural. Inuyasha didn't provoke Sesshoumaru, and Sesshoumaru did not provoke Inuyasha. They seemed to have formed an unstable truce. And so, after some time, everything seemed peaceful enough. And yet, they always went back, Sesshoumaru and Rin, from the way they came. And sometimes they would not come back to see us for a month. I was never sure when the next time I would see them would be. The next day, the next month, it was unknown. And with them, left a certain comfort in me that would only revisit when they did. I had stayed where the always left me to go to. A part of me was there, in that castle, no matter what.

I was happy with Inuyasha. Our relationship was growing. We had become closer, better friends. He confided in me more, and I in him. He was constantly watching after me, guarding me and I was constantly cheering him on and providing as much support as I could. We had both changed and I found a deep, warm love growing for him, a different kind than ever before. A kind that was based on healing wounds, shared experiences, understanding, and the deepest kind of friendship. I understood now, I finally understood how Inuyasha could love two women, something which I had never been able to comprehend, was clear as daylight. He loved me for me, something that I had always wished for with all my heart, and he loved Kikyo for who she was. He loved me and was dedicated to Kikyo. I could sympathize and appreciate him loving two women because, I finally realized as my friendships grew, I loved two men. And I finally realized that perhaps it did not make us indecisive, unpractical, like I had often accused Inuyasha of being, or bad people for not singling out the one we really loved, it made us better because we could really love two people.

________________________________________________________________ ________

Cold, wet, and gray. It was raining, the day Jaken and Kero came to me. We had no fire because it would smolder and die out with a sigh whenever we attempted to start one. We rested under the canopy of tall trees in a forest somewhere west, scavenging for what little shelter we could find from the hazy rain which threatened to worsen very quickly.

Inuyasha heard the splattering of footsteps first and drew tetsusaiga, but replaced it soon when Jaken and Kero came running out of the bushes, their figures brown and wet from their close proximity to the muddied ground. They were breathing hard and I knew something was wrong. The world seemed to slow as I stared at the dripping faces of my friends. Something was wrong, I knew it. My heart froze and I couldn't speak.

"Jaken-sama, what's wrong?" Miroku questioned, rising to bring them under the protection of the trees, but they shook off his welcoming gestures and turned to me, breathing hard.

"Kagome-sama-the castle-you're needed-at the castle!!" Kero gasped out, rain drops running down her nose as she stammered between breaths. "Quickly!"

I stood, paralyzed by fear. Then, like a flash of dark lightning, my mind set to work.

"I need my backpack! Where's my backpack?! I stuttered hurriedly.

"Kagome-sama-Ah-Un- he's not far from here! But Kero and I-"

"It's alright Jaken, I'll be fine, Ah-Un knows where to go!" I gathered my belongings and stuffed them in my backpack which I had located quickly and slung over my shoulder.

"Miroku, Sango…" I looked at them, asking for their pardon. Sango just smiled.

"You're needed, Kagome-sama." Miroku said warmly. "You must help those that you can. We'll forgive you for now." he smiled.

"Inuyasha…" I whispered hurriedly, not sure what I was asking or what I was expecting him to say. But he didn't say anything, just nodded and I was more thankful for that gesture than anything. "Thank you, Inuyasha." I whispered loud enough for his hanyou ears to catch as I ran into the trees in the way Jaken had directed. Ah-Un was exactly where Jaken and Kero had said it would be. I clambered onto his back with little difficultly and took the reins into my shaking hands. The sky was darkening, though it was midday.

Ah-Un took off into the sky, gray droplets splattering my face and plastering my hair to my head. The gray droplets turned to dark, heavy drops that streamed down my cheeks and made it impossible for me to see. And all the while, my mind was racing as I thought of what could be wrong. Rin, Sesshoumaru, Maki, Kaji, Fumie, Wakiko, Minori, anything could be wrong! My mind was in a panic and the only thing I could think of was how lost I would be without Sesshoumaru or Rin. Had Rin been poisoned again, past all help and hope? Would I be too late? Sesshoumaru's wound- it hadn't healed completely before I left them. Had it gotten worse, infected, did he lay, dying, on his bed in his castle, without me?! He couldn't die without me! He couldn't die with me! He can't die! I screamed silently, tears streaming down my face, mixing with the dark drops, indistinguishable. "He can't die, he's the great taiyoukai of the West, he's Sesshoumaru, He can't die!" I muttered over and over again, the wind lashing at my hair, stinging my face, the minutes mutating into hours. All I could see was Rin's picture where we all stood, happier than we had ever been before, happy together. The drops turned to sheets of water, driving brutily down on me. My eyes were squinted against the dark onslaught of the stormy night, my heart racing, the tears mingling with the rain until it was impossible for me to see. Raining the whole world over, it seemed, in fast, harsh splatters of gray and brown, and black. Memories of my life with Sesshoumaru and Rin flashed before my eyes in time with thunder and lightning.

When I felt the jar of Ah-Un's unstable landing, I jumped to the ground and rushed off into the rain. After a minute of running blindly in the rain, I could see the dark outline against the black morning. I ran, sliding in the mud, my sight nearly dissolved in the night, my heart beating out of my chest. I ran as hard as I could, my body aching. I dashed through the gates and tore open the doors to the castle, a gust of wind signaling my stormy arrival and blowing sheets of rain into the entrance hall. I ran dashed down the hallway, turned the corner, and went crashing into a body.

"K-Kagome-sama! Thank-!"

"Where is he, Kaji?! Where's Sesshoumaru?!"

"H-he's in his room, Kagome-sama!" she stuttered, confusion and anxiety covering her face.

If Rin was sick, he would have come to get me, he would have come. I knew that second that he was dying. I rushed down the hallways to the room I had never seen, his room, my heart jumping and breaking with every step I took, knowing I couldn't handle what I was about to find, yet dying to find him. Jerking to a halt in front of the shoji door, I jerked it open, the gray light casting black shadows in the dark room, illuminated by a candle resting on a table, casting shadows across the room to mingle with those made by the light of the hall. There he was, the light casting dark shadows over his perfect white marble face, making black rings under his eyes.

"Kagome…" the smooth, calm voice that I had missed so much.

"What's wrong, Sesshoumaru!! Tell me!" my pack slid off my shoulder, crashing to the ground, pulling my heart with it.

"What-" he began but decided against it. Sesshoumaru sighed and stood up from the table and walked over to me, gazing calmly into my face with unreadable features. "There is nothing wrong, Kagome."

"But they said-and I thought you or Rin were dying and-!"

"Everyone is fine, Kagome. No one is dying. Who gave you this message?" he spoke unbelievably calm and cool and it flustered me even more.

"Kero and Jaken! They came on Ah-Un-!"

"Kagome, calm down. No one is sick, no one is dying. What did Kero and Jaken tell you."

"They said I was needed at the castle and to come quickly and-" I began to see the ridiculousness of it, nothing was wrong. They had planned it all. But why?

"I think that if something were wrong, I could manage to keep it under control, Kagome. I will talk to Kero and Jaken and see that they never do something this absurd again. It's late and, looking at your state, you haven't slept. Go back to Inuyasha." his words echoed coldly in the dark room. I stared at him as my clothes dripped wet on the wooden floor, plastered to my skin and my hair dripping water down my nose and into my eyes, but I didn't blink. I stood, staring at him, and despite all the effort and strength I had, the tears came again, warm on my cold skin. They fell silently as I stood there, the water gathering in pools at my feet, reflecting the candlelight in luminous, silver patches.

"I'm so stupid. I thought something was wrong." I whispered, my voice slow and even. "I thought you were sick or dying." but I couldn't contain a cool manner like him. My voice broke and my chest was constricted, my breaths coming slowly and difficulty, nothing but the shimmer of tears themselves giving away the fact that I was crying. "I-I was scared, Sesshoumaru." I whispered quietly, wishing I could wake up.

"Kagome," he walked to me and stood in front of me, gazing down into my face, his golden eyes so full of the same emotion that had filled them when he told me about Inuyasha, knowing my memory would come back, knowing that I would leave. "go back. Go back to them, Kagome. You don't belong here." he said calmly and quietly. I looked up at him, a sadness and fear spreading within me, taking control. Why couldn't I belong? No. No.

"No." I whispered. "It's not true. No." I whispered, my dripping hair falling into my eyes.

"You're not being sensible, Kagome. Go back to Inuyasha where you will be happy."

"No…it's…." I faded off, my mind cold and gray and fogged. All I knew was that it wasn't true. I would have been lost if he had been dying. I wouldn't have known what to do, completely lost. Did he really think that? That I couldn't be happy except with Inuyasha.

"Go back," he stepped forward and his hand raised to cup my cheek. "you don't belong here, Kagome. You will not be happy here." His thumb stroked my cheek and I realized that it wasn't that he didn't want me. He wanted me to be happy. He had told me about my friends, bringing back my memory of Inuyasha, despite what he wanted, because he had put me first.

"The roses…" I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks, stopping at his hands.

"What are you talking about?" he looked at me, a calm anger seeping though. "Leave Kagome." But I realized something else. It wasn't anger in his voice any more, it was a plea and it filled me with a sad happiness that seemed wonderful and grave. It was the same plea that filled me unconsciously every time he left with Rin. The plea, the hope that he wouldn't return because every time, it brought a pain and loss that was impossible to deal with forever.

"The roses. The roses don't belong here but they live here and they're beautiful here." I said softly. Sesshoumaru's face cleared and a look of surprise covered it, betraying the stoic mask. The surprise faded into a different look, one that I couldn't place and he bent down, his hand cupping my cheek as his lips met mine and kissed them softly, deeply, then eloquently. I closed my eyes, the last tears spilling from them as I put my arms around him and kissed him back, with a meaning that I had never felt before.

He pulled back and I looked at him with red eyes. Hand lingered on my face, wiping away the glittering tracks left behind on my cheeks then turned away.

"I'll have Maki bring you dry clothes. You should return to your companions. They will be anxious about your sudden parting." He still didn't understand. I understood, but knew he was right, I could be happy with him, he didn't understand that, but did I belong with him?

My head bent in a small nod and I smiled at him sadly. I turned and stepped outside the shoji door, leaving the person I had learned to love despite all the odds against us, along with a piece of me. I stopped, staring at the hallway, the gray light flooding into it through one small, bamboo-barred window across from Sesshoumaru's door, showing the garden that the castle was centered around. The rain had lightened back to a hazy, ethereal shower and the trees dripped slowly onto the earth, the rain drops taking a part of each one as they hit the wet ground. I turned to walk down the hallway, knowing exactly what and how much I was leaving behind. I knew exactly what I was losing and it was killing me. But I couldn't cry anymore.

"Kagome…" I stopped when he said my name, making it sound rich and calm like I remembered. I didn't want him to say anything. It would only make it harder to leave, if he gave me those few extra seconds to fall in love with him even more. I turned and walked back to his doorway, wishing it would all go away. The tears that I couldn't cry anymore, the aching in my chest, the way it all disappeared when he was there. Sesshoumaru stood there, his face blank, his eyes alive, glowing golden. He walked to me, the door way creating a false barrier between us that only served to remind me that I didn't belong with him.

"A human may not belong in the house of a demon lord, and no one is sick or dying, but there was truth in what Kero told you. You are needed here. Rin needs you, the servants need you, and I need you here. So, if it suits you, you may stay here." there was a sad apprehension in his face that told of the sacrifices he had made for me and thought he would make.

"Sesshoumaru…" I looked at him, maybe surprised, happy, miserable, or torn.

"Will you stay here, Kagome?" he asked me calmly, quietly, his golden eyes gazing into the blue of mine.

Was this what I had hoped for? For him to ask me to stay with him forever? Or had I wished that Inuyasha would put aside his past and love just me? I had responsibilities still with Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku, and Kaede. I had to find the jewel shards. I had responsibilities with Sesshoumaru. I had a promise to keep to Rin and I had to teach her. I loved Sesshoumaru and I loved Inuyasha. I had my friends with Inuyasha. And I had my friends in the western citadel of Sesshoumaru. I had a second life with Inuyasha and a third life with Sesshoumaru. I still had responsibilities to see to, life to live.

I gazed at him, at Sesshoumaru. Everything, as confusing, muddled, twisted as it was, became perfectly clear, and it always had been.

I looked into his golden eyes and smiled a tearless smile. I knew exactly what my answer was going to be.

Gentle winds will shape stone mountains

And roses will continue to bloom

_______________________________________________________________________ _______The End__________________________________________________________________

AN: Again, thank you to all of you who have supported me. I want to give special thanks to my mom, who I could never write without the ideas and input of. She is largely responsible for my writing this. Please tell me what you thought of the story as a whole now and the ending. Feel free to email me about anything. And be sure to check out my new stories. The first one is going to be very unconventional and is called Biography of Black. It's not Sess/Kag (OMG) or anything but it should be very interesting and very different. The second will be a S/K, so keep you eyes open for both. The first chapter of BB will be out very soon. Again, thanks to all of you! You've been an amazing encouragement! I hope you all walk away from this a little enlightened or just a bit more entertained than you were before. Bye!