InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Time After Time ❯ Affections Touching Across Time ( Chapter 23 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: kanna37 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Adventure / Action | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 03.25.2011 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.1K | Visits: 427 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Adventure / Action | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 03.25.2011 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.1K | Visits: 427 | Status: Work In Progress
Chapter 23: Affections Touching Across Time
“How have you been, Yuuka?” Sugimi asked softly, eyeing her carefully. She looked well...
“I am as well as can be expected, Sugimi,” she smiled. “But it seems that it should be I that is asking you that – considering you were the one 'dead' for so long,” she teased lightly.
He chuckled. “Yes, well... had I not done what I did, I would have been dead, and I was not ready to die. It is a good thing I did not, as well – or I might have missed out on a certain someone,” he sighed. He frowned sadly at her wince. “It still pains, doesn't it?”
The woman sighed, looking up into the skies with sadness drenching the air around her. “Yes... it does, and it always will, but I go on, because he asked me to. But tell me – why are you back here?”
So he told her of Naraku, and the forest he was hidden in, and Yuuka narrowed her green eyes as something ancient flashed through them. “Perhaps I may be of some help with this forest, Sugimi. You know what I am...”
He looked taken aback for a moment, then turned to Kagome, who'd been oddly silent, only to find her gone. He was surprised he hadn't even noticed her leave – she must have been being deliberately silent.
“Kagome?” he called out, taking a few steps along the path and scenting it. It was getting faint, meaning she'd left a while ago. Cursing to himself, he growled with irritation. He was pulled up short by a peal of soft laughter, and he looked at Yuuka, one brow cocked questioningly.
“Who is that little miko to you, Sugimi?”
“My mate – or she will be, if we can ever get past all this mess in between us.”
Yuuka smiled, tentatively pleased. “I'm not surprised. But how can you wish to be tied to someone who does not trust you?” she asked, concerned for a moment.
The daiyoukai shook his head frustratedly, and explained the circumstances of Kagome's fear and hesitance in regards to him – at which point Yuuka nodded understandingly. “Ah. Well, now that I know that, I can understand. Poor girl... she's got far too much heaped up on her slender shoulders. Perhaps I can talk to her.”
“If I can ever get her out here again,” he said, as he came to the gate that separated the forest from the palace proper.
“No need to worry, I will come inside, Sugimi. I don't often, because there is no need, but I am not as anti-social as I was immediately after... Daiki died.”
Sugimi winced at her naming of her mate, and couldn't help but feel for the position that her mate had left her in, practically commanding her to live on without him. Sugimi knew that he could never have done the same to Kagome.
If it were he and she in the same position, he would never have asked such a horrid thing of her. When mates were separated by death, it left the one behind in constant, unbearable pain and agony, day in and day out. That was why most mates chose to go together. On top of that, he couldn't imagine wanting to be away from Kagome for that long, anyway.
The whole situation left him feeling decidedly unsettled.
It didn't take long for him to find the note in her room. Yuuka read it and then sighed when he started cursing.
“Calm down, Sugimi, she said she will be back on the morrow to continue your quest.”
“Yeah, and who the hell are you digging around in Kagome's room?” came Inuyasha's rather irate voice.
Sugimi stood up at that, and growled warningly at his son. “Respect, boy – you will show it!”
Inuyasha's stare didn't waver once. “And that doesn't answer why you are both in Kagome's room – and who this woman is.” Voice quiet, firm, Yuuka looked at him with interest.
“You must be Inuyasha – Izayoi's son. I'm Yuuka.” She tilted her head bemusedly. “You have your father's coloring, but you look much like your mother. She was very beautiful.”
“Yeah, well, thanks for that, but still... why are you in here, where's Kagome, and what are you to my erstwhile father over there?”
Brows rising into her bangs, Yuuka laughed. “Your temperament, for sure, Sugimi!” She shook her head and asked, “Is there somewhere we can go and talk, Inuyasha-sama?”
Eyes narrowing thoughtfully, he nodded finally, and turned to lead the way. “My room is just here,” he said, sliding a door open, and Yuuka, and Sugimi entered. Sliding the door closed, Inuyasha indicated a table, and cushions on the floor. “Have a seat.” Once they were both seated, he said, “And so, I'd like the answers to my questions.”
“Apparently, Kagome took it into her head to run off, and had Kirara take her to the well,” Sugimi said.
Inuyasha inhaled, and then exhaled, shaking his head and closing his eyes, he said, “Well, fuck. What else did she say in that note? Yeah, I noticed you reading it,” he said,opening his eyes, in response to his father's questioning look.
“Just that she would be back tomorrow.”
“Keh.” He turned to Yuuka. “And you?” he asked.
“That is a bit longer of a story,” she chuckled.
Inuyasha looked at her from under lowering lids. “I ain't goin' nowhere.”
Funny enough, the explanations didn't take as long as she'd thought they would – mostly because Inuyasha didn't say one word the entire time.
A first for him, to be sure.
~oOo~
A thoroughly dispirited Kagome limped into her house to find no one home, and at that point, she was perfectly fine with that fact. Not bothering to find out why her family was gone, she simply hobbled upstairs and into her room, doing nothing but grabbing a towel and some pajamas for after her bath.
This was one of those days when even a hot spring wasn't enough – she needed clean-smelling hot, hot water and then a shower afterwords to get the feeling of being mud-covered out of her mind.
Odd as it seemed, Kagome felt like she'd been playing in leagues she had no business in, and that she'd been chasing a male that she had no business chasing. She felt dirty – especially after witnessing what she had earlier – as though she was some trouble-making bitch out to steal someone elses male.
Basically, the same way she'd felt after that whole thing with Izayoi. Maybe the fact that she'd had that same feeling shoved into her face twice should tell her something.
Perhaps she should just get this thing with Naraku done, get the rest of the Shikon assembled inside the diamond, and then get the heck out of everyone elses lives and come home where she belonged. Maybe the kami were telling her that she needed to pay more attention to bumblers like Hojo – that they were more her speed than inhumanly gorgeous, insanely powerful and long-lived youkai Lords.
Heck, right now, I'm thinking I should just become a shrine maiden and leave the whole relationship thing alone. I could be the modern day equivalent of Kaede...
Right now, although that sounded good to her weary heart, she knew that she'd never be happy alone like that forever – she wanted someone to love. And as much as she might think about staying here in her birth era, she also knew somehow, she'd be staying on the other side of the well.
Of course... there was Akitoki Hojo. And it would have the benefit of knowing him fairly well – he was just like her era's Hojo, and she knew him quite well after all the chasing of her he'd done. She just couldn't work any enthusiasm up for that, though, and, resigned, just decided to forget about the whole thing for now.
At this point, all she wanted was to relax, and then sleep – in order to prepare to go back tomorrow and feel the fool all over again in front of everyone.
I can't believe I was telling Kana to back off Sugimi - I'd better get used to the sama thing again – Sugimi-sama, like I even had any say in it. Ha... she probably can't wait to lay it out for everyone to laugh at.
Shaking her head, she stood up and got out of the tub, stepping into the shower to wash herself. The moment she was done, she dried off, dressed, and hit the bed, too tired and sore and heartsick to care about anything else.
It was a good thing the ride on Kirara was a couple of hours, and that by the time she got in, it was dark – or she'd have been staring out a window just waiting for dark so she could actually have an excuse to sleep.
She was so tired that she didn't even hear her family come in and get ready for their own beds.
Her mother, noting her wet towel hanging in the bathroom, looked into her room to check on her and saw the shadows on her face even in her sleep. Knowing her daughter probably needed a little mama time, she set up the tea cups and pot for hot water for first thing in the morning.
Whatever her baby needed, she'd give... no questions asked.
~oOo~
Impatient, Sugimi had no intention of waiting for Kagome back at the palace, instead, he told Kirara she could stay there instead of going back to pick Kagome up, and that he would wait for her.
Kirara didn't argue, and inside, she was probably thinking that people were strange creatures, anyway, but it was fine by her. She did, however, give him a look he understood quite well.
Don't hurt my person anymore...
At any rate, nightfall found Sugimi leaning against the Goshinboku, simply enjoying the peace the great tree brought to those beneath its boughs, and trying to calm his worries about Kagome, and her reaction to what had happened earlier.
He hadn't meant, in any way, to ignore her, but he was just caught so off-guard when he'd caught sight of Yuuka. It had brought back so many memories, memories of a time long since gone. Memories of his father, and mother, and the way things had been when he'd been young. When they'd been young.
They'd been born the same day at the same time, grown up together, and it had just become comfortable to assume they'd end up mating each other. As fond of each other as they were, they took it for a love bond as deep as mates... but they'd been wrong.
The knowledge had come to Yuuka as soon as she'd met Daiki, and had left her in hell.
She knew that he, Sugimi, expected them to be mated, that their parents all did, as well... but she couldn't, and she'd known that immediately on meeting her true mate. But how did one tell everyone who meant anything to you that what they had all expected for so long wasn't going to happen?
How could she tell Sugimi, who she still loved, that it wasn't in the way she'd thought, and she'd never be his mate?
It had torn their families apart.
Her father, enraged and embarrassed that the merger they'd all been set on, that several treaties had been based on, wouldn't be happening, had disowned her and turned his back on her, as had her mother, though a great deal more tearfully. And Sugimi's own parents, angered as they were, had been surprised when Sugimi, though hurt beyond anything he'd ever known at that point, had supported Yuuka and Daiki, letting it be known that he would not side against them.
That had resulted in the division of parents from children, and that division had taken a long time to heal – for some, it never had, as Yuuka had never seen her parents again.
Sugimi sighed as he remembered those events of so long ago. It had been in another life, really – almost a thousand years ago. He remembered his hurt and embarrassment, as well, when she'd come to him, shamed and crying but firm and honest.
Oh, yes, at that time, he'd been certain that something had been messed up by the gods... that the one he was supposed to love had been given to someone else. He'd thought he'd be alone all his life, and that he'd never find that happiness.
And for centuries, he hadn't.
When Daiki had died, Sugimi was positive the reason he told Yuuka to stay and not follow him, was so that he, Sugimi, could eventually marry her, once her grief had lessened.
But by that time, Sugimi had known that she wasn't who he'd once thought she was, and though he loved her, it wasn't as a lover. So she endured still to this day, and waited until kami took pity and let her move on to be with her mate again.
And Sugimi had also endured, hoping to find his one, his mate, someday – and he finally had, in the form of a blue-eyed time-traveling miko with a torn heart from the misuse of it by his own son.
Melancholy settling on him like a cloak, he stood and turned to face the tree, placing a hand against it and communing with the spirit within.
“I wish that she would understand what is in my heart,” he murmured. “She is my one, my mate – Kagome, and no other. But she fears to listen to her heart – or mine, and this pain is beginning to overwhelm me – I have waited for so long for her. If there is a way, Goshinboku, spirit of the forest, take my words to her and let her hear them and the truth within them.”
After a few moments, he sighed and left the tree, moving to the well and sitting against the back of it, he allowed himself to drift off after sweeping the area for danger, and finding none.
~oOo~
Sitting up with a resigned sigh, Kagome looked over at her clock and noted the time – six-thirty in the morning. Still tired, she crawled out of bed with a yawn, knowing she wouldn't be getting back to sleep – her mother was about to get up, as was her grandfather, though Sota would be sleeping in, since it was the weekend.
After staring off into space for a few minutes, she rolled out of bed and dressed, noting her ankle felt much better, before walking quietly downstairs and out the door. For some reason, she just felt the need to be near the Goshinboku this morning.
It wouldn't be a bad way to start the day – many times, she'd felt that same need, and there was always a reason for it. She never questioned it anymore, just following that feeling along.
Once there, she felt a second presence, and winced – she could almost feel Sugimi's upset with her. He was probably cranky because she took off without him.
A moment later, she touched the aged bark affectionately, then jerked back, surprised. She could feel not only Sugimi, but his feelings, too. And they were a riot of hurt and worry and even fear...
Of losing her.
Wide-eyed, Kagome stared straight at the tree, her hand still frozen just touching the bark, while all of Sugimi's emotions poured into her.
“I wish that she would understand what is in my heart, she is my one, my mate – Kagome, and no other. But she fears to listen to her heart – or mine, and this pain is beginning to overwhelm me – I have waited for so long for her. If there is a way, Goshinboku, spirit of the forest, take my words to her and let her hear them and the truth within them.”
Apparently, she could hear his words, too, and with tears pouring, she stared at her hand against the God Tree and shook her head, so, so afraid.
It seems like he does... love me, but... what if he changes his mind when he figures out I'm still just a scared kid? And then... look at the women in his life! Beautiful, every one of them... and then there's me. What the hell... did his standards loosen so much? How can he have any respect from others with someone like me by his side?
A sense of peace flowed over her, then, and something came to life in her mind and spoke to her.
“Why is it that you pin his emotions on your looks? Do you think him that shallow?”
Well, no... but I guess I feel inferior. I don't understand what he sees in me.
“Would you like to see what he thinks of you – how he sees you?”
Oh, no, you can't do that! People's memories are sacred, you know, you shouldn't just go stomping through them.
“Fear not, little miko, for he has asked me to do this thing, and I have decided that I will oblige.”
That's when it occurred to Kagome just whose voice was in her mind, and wide-eyed and awed, she just stared at the tree that had been such a large part of her life.
“Goshinboku,” she breathed in wonder.
“Follow me, little one, and see what he sees when he sees you, and feel what he feels when you are near.”
And she did.
It was different. She noticed immediately that his emotions were different than hers – they had a more masculine bent to them, and were sharp-edged and clearly defined. There was no confusion in him, no shades of gray. Everything was clearly black or clearly white, and he knew and understood all of them.
When she found his emotions that were concentrated on her, she was stunned by the depth and scope of them. Even though they'd only known each other for about a month and a half, he was in love with her, and there was no room in his heart for another in the way he felt for her, nor would there ever be.
And what his eyes saw when looking at her! She couldn't even believe the vision in front of her – it was undeniably her, but yet... her as she would look if she were a goddess, maybe.
She glowed. There was no other way to describe it, but when she saw his memories of her, Kana, Yuuka, and Satori, even Sango, there was no comparison in his eyes – she glowed, and the others were just there. Visually appealing, yes, in an abstract way, but nothing compared to the reaction he got when it was her he was looking at.
She flushed as the Goshinboku took her through his reactions to her. Desire, sharp and hungry, need, a painful longing and sheer want was all there to be read. She could literally feel his arousal at thoughts of her, and even more naughty thoughts and their effects played out in her mind. Even the thought of her pregnant, surprisingly – she could see the absolute devotion and passion just that thought brought.
Well, she thought, still highly embarrassed, I won't have to worry about me getting pregnant and him not wanting me anymore because I'm 'fat'.
And this is really how he thinks of me? I'm a virgin, and he is... not. He's had so many women – how could I possibly know what to do to keep his interest?
“Have you seen yourself doing anything? In all his fantasies of you, it is he that is pleasuring you, and thereby gaining his own pleasure. You worry for nothing, bride of the youkai. Can you not trust in what I have shown you?”
That brought it right down to cases in her mind – could she trust the god tree to be showing her the truth?
The answer was unequivocally yes. She trusted the Goshinboku with all her heart, and if it said that she could trust Sugimi, then she could. Because the tree not only knew her heart, but it also knew Sugimi's, because he'd invited the tree in, and Inuyasha's, as well – after all, he'd been pinned to it through the heart for fifty years, and it knew what Inuyasha was, and wasn't.
“Inuyasha loves you, yes, but he can't give you what he doesn't even have himself – and that is understanding of self. In order to be able to love freely, you must understand yourself – and Inuyasha doesn't. He has too far to come to be an equal to you in the way that the youkai already can. He will find his own understanding and love soon, but you are not it for him – you are it for the youkai that has lived for countless centuries searching for his own mate.”
I think I understand...
“Then go to him – for he grieves, fearing that you will not let him explain to you what the other was to him, and what you are to him. His heart is heavy, and he cannot face battle that way. Only you can give him the peace he needs to conquer the last remnant of the evil that Midoriko sought to destroy so long ago – to fulfill his destiny, and your own, by changing the world.”
With a last, lingering Thank you to the tree, Kagome hopped over the picket fence and ran into the house to get ready to go.
Just a few more minutes, Sugimi...
~oOo~
A/N: Man, this chapter came so fast I didn't realize how long it was until I finally stopped and copied it out into its own pages. And then I was like... wow, this chapter just flowed... that's always so awesome when something does that, ya know?
Hope you all enjoy my endeavor..
Amber
Converting /tmp/phpKvUTDC to /dev/stdout
“How have you been, Yuuka?” Sugimi asked softly, eyeing her carefully. She looked well...
“I am as well as can be expected, Sugimi,” she smiled. “But it seems that it should be I that is asking you that – considering you were the one 'dead' for so long,” she teased lightly.
He chuckled. “Yes, well... had I not done what I did, I would have been dead, and I was not ready to die. It is a good thing I did not, as well – or I might have missed out on a certain someone,” he sighed. He frowned sadly at her wince. “It still pains, doesn't it?”
The woman sighed, looking up into the skies with sadness drenching the air around her. “Yes... it does, and it always will, but I go on, because he asked me to. But tell me – why are you back here?”
So he told her of Naraku, and the forest he was hidden in, and Yuuka narrowed her green eyes as something ancient flashed through them. “Perhaps I may be of some help with this forest, Sugimi. You know what I am...”
He looked taken aback for a moment, then turned to Kagome, who'd been oddly silent, only to find her gone. He was surprised he hadn't even noticed her leave – she must have been being deliberately silent.
“Kagome?” he called out, taking a few steps along the path and scenting it. It was getting faint, meaning she'd left a while ago. Cursing to himself, he growled with irritation. He was pulled up short by a peal of soft laughter, and he looked at Yuuka, one brow cocked questioningly.
“Who is that little miko to you, Sugimi?”
“My mate – or she will be, if we can ever get past all this mess in between us.”
Yuuka smiled, tentatively pleased. “I'm not surprised. But how can you wish to be tied to someone who does not trust you?” she asked, concerned for a moment.
The daiyoukai shook his head frustratedly, and explained the circumstances of Kagome's fear and hesitance in regards to him – at which point Yuuka nodded understandingly. “Ah. Well, now that I know that, I can understand. Poor girl... she's got far too much heaped up on her slender shoulders. Perhaps I can talk to her.”
“If I can ever get her out here again,” he said, as he came to the gate that separated the forest from the palace proper.
“No need to worry, I will come inside, Sugimi. I don't often, because there is no need, but I am not as anti-social as I was immediately after... Daiki died.”
Sugimi winced at her naming of her mate, and couldn't help but feel for the position that her mate had left her in, practically commanding her to live on without him. Sugimi knew that he could never have done the same to Kagome.
If it were he and she in the same position, he would never have asked such a horrid thing of her. When mates were separated by death, it left the one behind in constant, unbearable pain and agony, day in and day out. That was why most mates chose to go together. On top of that, he couldn't imagine wanting to be away from Kagome for that long, anyway.
The whole situation left him feeling decidedly unsettled.
It didn't take long for him to find the note in her room. Yuuka read it and then sighed when he started cursing.
“Calm down, Sugimi, she said she will be back on the morrow to continue your quest.”
“Yeah, and who the hell are you digging around in Kagome's room?” came Inuyasha's rather irate voice.
Sugimi stood up at that, and growled warningly at his son. “Respect, boy – you will show it!”
Inuyasha's stare didn't waver once. “And that doesn't answer why you are both in Kagome's room – and who this woman is.” Voice quiet, firm, Yuuka looked at him with interest.
“You must be Inuyasha – Izayoi's son. I'm Yuuka.” She tilted her head bemusedly. “You have your father's coloring, but you look much like your mother. She was very beautiful.”
“Yeah, well, thanks for that, but still... why are you in here, where's Kagome, and what are you to my erstwhile father over there?”
Brows rising into her bangs, Yuuka laughed. “Your temperament, for sure, Sugimi!” She shook her head and asked, “Is there somewhere we can go and talk, Inuyasha-sama?”
Eyes narrowing thoughtfully, he nodded finally, and turned to lead the way. “My room is just here,” he said, sliding a door open, and Yuuka, and Sugimi entered. Sliding the door closed, Inuyasha indicated a table, and cushions on the floor. “Have a seat.” Once they were both seated, he said, “And so, I'd like the answers to my questions.”
“Apparently, Kagome took it into her head to run off, and had Kirara take her to the well,” Sugimi said.
Inuyasha inhaled, and then exhaled, shaking his head and closing his eyes, he said, “Well, fuck. What else did she say in that note? Yeah, I noticed you reading it,” he said,opening his eyes, in response to his father's questioning look.
“Just that she would be back tomorrow.”
“Keh.” He turned to Yuuka. “And you?” he asked.
“That is a bit longer of a story,” she chuckled.
Inuyasha looked at her from under lowering lids. “I ain't goin' nowhere.”
Funny enough, the explanations didn't take as long as she'd thought they would – mostly because Inuyasha didn't say one word the entire time.
A first for him, to be sure.
~oOo~
A thoroughly dispirited Kagome limped into her house to find no one home, and at that point, she was perfectly fine with that fact. Not bothering to find out why her family was gone, she simply hobbled upstairs and into her room, doing nothing but grabbing a towel and some pajamas for after her bath.
This was one of those days when even a hot spring wasn't enough – she needed clean-smelling hot, hot water and then a shower afterwords to get the feeling of being mud-covered out of her mind.
Odd as it seemed, Kagome felt like she'd been playing in leagues she had no business in, and that she'd been chasing a male that she had no business chasing. She felt dirty – especially after witnessing what she had earlier – as though she was some trouble-making bitch out to steal someone elses male.
Basically, the same way she'd felt after that whole thing with Izayoi. Maybe the fact that she'd had that same feeling shoved into her face twice should tell her something.
Perhaps she should just get this thing with Naraku done, get the rest of the Shikon assembled inside the diamond, and then get the heck out of everyone elses lives and come home where she belonged. Maybe the kami were telling her that she needed to pay more attention to bumblers like Hojo – that they were more her speed than inhumanly gorgeous, insanely powerful and long-lived youkai Lords.
Heck, right now, I'm thinking I should just become a shrine maiden and leave the whole relationship thing alone. I could be the modern day equivalent of Kaede...
Right now, although that sounded good to her weary heart, she knew that she'd never be happy alone like that forever – she wanted someone to love. And as much as she might think about staying here in her birth era, she also knew somehow, she'd be staying on the other side of the well.
Of course... there was Akitoki Hojo. And it would have the benefit of knowing him fairly well – he was just like her era's Hojo, and she knew him quite well after all the chasing of her he'd done. She just couldn't work any enthusiasm up for that, though, and, resigned, just decided to forget about the whole thing for now.
At this point, all she wanted was to relax, and then sleep – in order to prepare to go back tomorrow and feel the fool all over again in front of everyone.
I can't believe I was telling Kana to back off Sugimi - I'd better get used to the sama thing again – Sugimi-sama, like I even had any say in it. Ha... she probably can't wait to lay it out for everyone to laugh at.
Shaking her head, she stood up and got out of the tub, stepping into the shower to wash herself. The moment she was done, she dried off, dressed, and hit the bed, too tired and sore and heartsick to care about anything else.
It was a good thing the ride on Kirara was a couple of hours, and that by the time she got in, it was dark – or she'd have been staring out a window just waiting for dark so she could actually have an excuse to sleep.
She was so tired that she didn't even hear her family come in and get ready for their own beds.
Her mother, noting her wet towel hanging in the bathroom, looked into her room to check on her and saw the shadows on her face even in her sleep. Knowing her daughter probably needed a little mama time, she set up the tea cups and pot for hot water for first thing in the morning.
Whatever her baby needed, she'd give... no questions asked.
~oOo~
Impatient, Sugimi had no intention of waiting for Kagome back at the palace, instead, he told Kirara she could stay there instead of going back to pick Kagome up, and that he would wait for her.
Kirara didn't argue, and inside, she was probably thinking that people were strange creatures, anyway, but it was fine by her. She did, however, give him a look he understood quite well.
Don't hurt my person anymore...
At any rate, nightfall found Sugimi leaning against the Goshinboku, simply enjoying the peace the great tree brought to those beneath its boughs, and trying to calm his worries about Kagome, and her reaction to what had happened earlier.
He hadn't meant, in any way, to ignore her, but he was just caught so off-guard when he'd caught sight of Yuuka. It had brought back so many memories, memories of a time long since gone. Memories of his father, and mother, and the way things had been when he'd been young. When they'd been young.
They'd been born the same day at the same time, grown up together, and it had just become comfortable to assume they'd end up mating each other. As fond of each other as they were, they took it for a love bond as deep as mates... but they'd been wrong.
The knowledge had come to Yuuka as soon as she'd met Daiki, and had left her in hell.
She knew that he, Sugimi, expected them to be mated, that their parents all did, as well... but she couldn't, and she'd known that immediately on meeting her true mate. But how did one tell everyone who meant anything to you that what they had all expected for so long wasn't going to happen?
How could she tell Sugimi, who she still loved, that it wasn't in the way she'd thought, and she'd never be his mate?
It had torn their families apart.
Her father, enraged and embarrassed that the merger they'd all been set on, that several treaties had been based on, wouldn't be happening, had disowned her and turned his back on her, as had her mother, though a great deal more tearfully. And Sugimi's own parents, angered as they were, had been surprised when Sugimi, though hurt beyond anything he'd ever known at that point, had supported Yuuka and Daiki, letting it be known that he would not side against them.
That had resulted in the division of parents from children, and that division had taken a long time to heal – for some, it never had, as Yuuka had never seen her parents again.
Sugimi sighed as he remembered those events of so long ago. It had been in another life, really – almost a thousand years ago. He remembered his hurt and embarrassment, as well, when she'd come to him, shamed and crying but firm and honest.
Oh, yes, at that time, he'd been certain that something had been messed up by the gods... that the one he was supposed to love had been given to someone else. He'd thought he'd be alone all his life, and that he'd never find that happiness.
And for centuries, he hadn't.
When Daiki had died, Sugimi was positive the reason he told Yuuka to stay and not follow him, was so that he, Sugimi, could eventually marry her, once her grief had lessened.
But by that time, Sugimi had known that she wasn't who he'd once thought she was, and though he loved her, it wasn't as a lover. So she endured still to this day, and waited until kami took pity and let her move on to be with her mate again.
And Sugimi had also endured, hoping to find his one, his mate, someday – and he finally had, in the form of a blue-eyed time-traveling miko with a torn heart from the misuse of it by his own son.
Melancholy settling on him like a cloak, he stood and turned to face the tree, placing a hand against it and communing with the spirit within.
“I wish that she would understand what is in my heart,” he murmured. “She is my one, my mate – Kagome, and no other. But she fears to listen to her heart – or mine, and this pain is beginning to overwhelm me – I have waited for so long for her. If there is a way, Goshinboku, spirit of the forest, take my words to her and let her hear them and the truth within them.”
After a few moments, he sighed and left the tree, moving to the well and sitting against the back of it, he allowed himself to drift off after sweeping the area for danger, and finding none.
~oOo~
Sitting up with a resigned sigh, Kagome looked over at her clock and noted the time – six-thirty in the morning. Still tired, she crawled out of bed with a yawn, knowing she wouldn't be getting back to sleep – her mother was about to get up, as was her grandfather, though Sota would be sleeping in, since it was the weekend.
After staring off into space for a few minutes, she rolled out of bed and dressed, noting her ankle felt much better, before walking quietly downstairs and out the door. For some reason, she just felt the need to be near the Goshinboku this morning.
It wouldn't be a bad way to start the day – many times, she'd felt that same need, and there was always a reason for it. She never questioned it anymore, just following that feeling along.
Once there, she felt a second presence, and winced – she could almost feel Sugimi's upset with her. He was probably cranky because she took off without him.
A moment later, she touched the aged bark affectionately, then jerked back, surprised. She could feel not only Sugimi, but his feelings, too. And they were a riot of hurt and worry and even fear...
Of losing her.
Wide-eyed, Kagome stared straight at the tree, her hand still frozen just touching the bark, while all of Sugimi's emotions poured into her.
“I wish that she would understand what is in my heart, she is my one, my mate – Kagome, and no other. But she fears to listen to her heart – or mine, and this pain is beginning to overwhelm me – I have waited for so long for her. If there is a way, Goshinboku, spirit of the forest, take my words to her and let her hear them and the truth within them.”
Apparently, she could hear his words, too, and with tears pouring, she stared at her hand against the God Tree and shook her head, so, so afraid.
It seems like he does... love me, but... what if he changes his mind when he figures out I'm still just a scared kid? And then... look at the women in his life! Beautiful, every one of them... and then there's me. What the hell... did his standards loosen so much? How can he have any respect from others with someone like me by his side?
A sense of peace flowed over her, then, and something came to life in her mind and spoke to her.
“Why is it that you pin his emotions on your looks? Do you think him that shallow?”
Well, no... but I guess I feel inferior. I don't understand what he sees in me.
“Would you like to see what he thinks of you – how he sees you?”
Oh, no, you can't do that! People's memories are sacred, you know, you shouldn't just go stomping through them.
“Fear not, little miko, for he has asked me to do this thing, and I have decided that I will oblige.”
That's when it occurred to Kagome just whose voice was in her mind, and wide-eyed and awed, she just stared at the tree that had been such a large part of her life.
“Goshinboku,” she breathed in wonder.
“Follow me, little one, and see what he sees when he sees you, and feel what he feels when you are near.”
And she did.
It was different. She noticed immediately that his emotions were different than hers – they had a more masculine bent to them, and were sharp-edged and clearly defined. There was no confusion in him, no shades of gray. Everything was clearly black or clearly white, and he knew and understood all of them.
When she found his emotions that were concentrated on her, she was stunned by the depth and scope of them. Even though they'd only known each other for about a month and a half, he was in love with her, and there was no room in his heart for another in the way he felt for her, nor would there ever be.
And what his eyes saw when looking at her! She couldn't even believe the vision in front of her – it was undeniably her, but yet... her as she would look if she were a goddess, maybe.
She glowed. There was no other way to describe it, but when she saw his memories of her, Kana, Yuuka, and Satori, even Sango, there was no comparison in his eyes – she glowed, and the others were just there. Visually appealing, yes, in an abstract way, but nothing compared to the reaction he got when it was her he was looking at.
She flushed as the Goshinboku took her through his reactions to her. Desire, sharp and hungry, need, a painful longing and sheer want was all there to be read. She could literally feel his arousal at thoughts of her, and even more naughty thoughts and their effects played out in her mind. Even the thought of her pregnant, surprisingly – she could see the absolute devotion and passion just that thought brought.
Well, she thought, still highly embarrassed, I won't have to worry about me getting pregnant and him not wanting me anymore because I'm 'fat'.
And this is really how he thinks of me? I'm a virgin, and he is... not. He's had so many women – how could I possibly know what to do to keep his interest?
“Have you seen yourself doing anything? In all his fantasies of you, it is he that is pleasuring you, and thereby gaining his own pleasure. You worry for nothing, bride of the youkai. Can you not trust in what I have shown you?”
That brought it right down to cases in her mind – could she trust the god tree to be showing her the truth?
The answer was unequivocally yes. She trusted the Goshinboku with all her heart, and if it said that she could trust Sugimi, then she could. Because the tree not only knew her heart, but it also knew Sugimi's, because he'd invited the tree in, and Inuyasha's, as well – after all, he'd been pinned to it through the heart for fifty years, and it knew what Inuyasha was, and wasn't.
“Inuyasha loves you, yes, but he can't give you what he doesn't even have himself – and that is understanding of self. In order to be able to love freely, you must understand yourself – and Inuyasha doesn't. He has too far to come to be an equal to you in the way that the youkai already can. He will find his own understanding and love soon, but you are not it for him – you are it for the youkai that has lived for countless centuries searching for his own mate.”
I think I understand...
“Then go to him – for he grieves, fearing that you will not let him explain to you what the other was to him, and what you are to him. His heart is heavy, and he cannot face battle that way. Only you can give him the peace he needs to conquer the last remnant of the evil that Midoriko sought to destroy so long ago – to fulfill his destiny, and your own, by changing the world.”
With a last, lingering Thank you to the tree, Kagome hopped over the picket fence and ran into the house to get ready to go.
Just a few more minutes, Sugimi...
~oOo~
A/N: Man, this chapter came so fast I didn't realize how long it was until I finally stopped and copied it out into its own pages. And then I was like... wow, this chapter just flowed... that's always so awesome when something does that, ya know?
Hope you all enjoy my endeavor..
Amber
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