InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Tipsy or The Great Search for the Demon of Nonexistent Inhibitions. ❯ Chapter 1

Hi Hentai-tachi! Well, I got a lot of feedback about my 'romantic' lemon and decided to write another one! This one is a little different. This one is more a humorous look at the act of sex. This one is silly. Be warned! There is PORN language in this one, lots more than in the other one. It seemed to offend last time and I want to make sure that no one reads this if they don't want to. Otherwise, please read and review! I own no one, they only live under my bed playing blitz all day long. Love you all! Darth Mer-Mer…

Momijichan@hotmail.com

This is dedicated to my wonderful friends and their endless repartee about euphemisms for body parts and functions! You all are great!

Tipsy or The Great Search for the Demon of Nonexistent Inhibitions.

Kagome hiccuped as her bike slid to a rough stop on the dirt road. Inuyasha jerked behind her, almost loosing his balance from his place on the back. The abrupt stop jarred one of Kagome's books from her bag. The hanyou grabbed it with ease and looked up annoyed. "Why did you stop?"

Kagome hiccuped again. "I felt-hic-the presence of a Shikon kakera." She raised one hand to her mouth. The townspeople had said that the youkai had fled to the forest after it's last attack. Sadly, neither she nor Inuyasha had been able to get much out of them. They had all seemed sick. All of them had dark circles under their eyes, squinting more than normal in the sun and many had been moaning about headaches and a few had even been vomiting. "And it smells-hic-funny around here!" It was a sweet almost medical smell, wafting through the woods.

Inuyasha lifted his head and sniffed the air. He sneezed and raised his sleeve to his nose. "Feh, that's probably just the vomit baking in the sun from the town."

"Eww, that's gross, Inuyasha!" Kagome crinkled her nose in disgust. "You should use-hic-politer language around a lady!"

"Where's a lady?" Inuyasha looked around them then dodged as Kagome took an unsteady swing at his head. He chuckled, silly girl couldn't lay a finger on him. He leapt off the back of the bike. "Feh! Ladies don't say 'hic' in the middle of their sentences."

Kagome's eyes grew wide. "Inuyasha, gimme-hic-that book before I say the word!" She pointed at the tomb that had fallen from her backpack.

He looked down, suddenly very interested since Kagome was almost as red as his hakata. "What is it another math book?" He turned it over and read the front of it. Scribbled on the front, in Kagome's feminine hand, were the words My Secret Diary. "If it's secret, why would you write on the front of it that it is secret?" He looked at her with a sweatdrop on his head.

"Inuyasha-" Kagome shakily tried to get off the bike. "So help me-hic-I'll say it-hic."

Quickly leafing through the pages, Inuyasha's eyes widened. "'Every night I dream of his engorged manhood sliding into my waiting, eager womanhood…'" He whistled low in his throat. "Kagome, what is this? Are you having naughty dreams?" He looked up at her, ready to tease her, this was worth ten sits.

"Si-hic!" Kagome clapped a hand over her mouth, face flushed. What was wrong with her? The world was hazy and the ground was spinning just enough to keep her dizzy. Now the hanyou was reading more of her precious and more importantly SECRET diary and she couldn't even command him to sit! She tried again. "Hic-it!"

"'Hic-it?'" A slow, evil smile plastered itself across his face. "You can't say sit, can you? Evil, naughty dreams and now you can't even say sit!" Prancing around like a fool, brandishing her diary infront of him, he started to recite more of the passage. "'Our hearts beat as one as he starts to fill me with his ready man-root…I sigh as I give in and offer up my most sacred place to him alone, my love and my soul'!" He roared with laughter, dodging Kagome's off balanced blows. "Do girls really think that guys think like this!? What on earth is a 'man-root'?" He felt the heat rise in his face as he noticed Kagome's face, red with exertion and breath heaving in her chest. Anger or something else was making her breasts bounce nicely, pert nipples poking at the fabric of her blouse. Quickly dousing the fire that was suddenly kindled in his own 'man-root', Inuyasha looked away from Kagome's chest. What was wrong with him? He didn't usually act like this. Maybe he was giddy with his new and likely short-lived freedom from the word 'sit'.

"Hic-if I tell-hic-you what a man-root is, will-hic-you give me back my book?" She whispered, desperate to get the book back before he read more. She felt as if the hazy landscape had started to seep into her head. They were never going to find the shard at this rate…but that wasn't too important. Inuyasha had his nose in her book, strong body ready to dodge her attacks, ears twitching from her, back to the book. God, she loved his ears…the things she could do to those ears…where had that come from?!

Inuyasha smirked…this was way more fun than normal. Suddenly the shard didn't seem that important. It was more fun to poke fun at Kagome. But it'd be more fun to poke Kagome…He went back to the forbidden book in his hands for now. "I know what a man-root is Kagome."

"Hic-I bet you don't!" She stomped her foot.

"It's a girl term from a man's dick."

Kagome gasped. "Don't say that! Hic-hic-hic!"

"Don't say what?" He grinned maniacally. "Dick? Oh, dick, dick dick, dicky, dick-dick. Or wait, this is better! COCK!" He yelled, twirling on one foot, chanting in a singsong voice. "Mmm, that's a good word, cock. Rolls off the tongue so much better than manhood." So could other parts of Kagome's body.

Kagome's jaw dropped.

Ohh, her tongue could roll over parts of his body…that was even better.

"Don't-hic-say words like that around-hic-me! IT'S HIC DIRTY!"

He raised his eyebrows, "No more than this! 'Oh how my body aches and quivers around his velvet covered sword. It fits so perfectly in my hilt, skin molding and sliding.' Oo Kagome, I'm getting all hot. The imagery is so perfect! I take it the hilt is a woman's cunt?"

My, god! Inuyasha just said 'cunt'…Kagome's mind reeled. Her body was threatening to cook her brain in her skull. Maybe it was that fact that caused her to shout. "Oh yeah? Well you know some girls like the word 'twat'! I know I do."

After two seconds of shock, Inuyasha grinned wickedly. "I like the word 'pussy' myself. You know what dogs do to pussies don't you?" Somewhere in the back of his mind, the thought 'she's gonna kill you now' floated by. He didn't care, this was too fun being this suggestive.

Kagome gave up the fight with her weaving feet and sat down, unceremoniously on her butt.

Inuyasha snickered, it seemed funnier than it was. "Heh, you fell on your ass/bum/poo-hole!"

There had to be something wrong with her, she couldn't talk straight, or even stand for that matter. The sweet smell in the air was stronger…but that didn't matter. She finally had an opening to jab Inuyasha…oh, he could jab her as much as he wanted, she wouldn't mind. "Yeah, I know what dogs do to pussies." She stumbled to her feet and tried to steady herself. "They chase them and then eat 'em." Giggling like crazy she dashed for the edge of the forest.

Inuyasha growled playfully then pursued, quoting more passages from her diary at the top of his lungs as he did. " 'Oh, if only it wasn't a dream. My full, milky breasts yearn for his kisses, let his teeth graze my soft pink nipples-' Okay, 'nipples' is acceptable to both women and men! Point for Kagome! Ahem, 'If only his tongue wasn't so sharp, if it were softer, it could lap my most intimate place until I screamed his name in ecstasy.' Gods Kagome, you could do this for a living if you used real words!" He paused to turn the page.

Kagome yelled over her shoulder, still dashing through the low bushes. "What's wrong, Inuyasha? Is it getting you hot? Admit it you like the feminine words more! Ooops!" Kagome tripped and slid to a stop using her nose. Even though it hurt, she couldn't stop laughing. Part of her was horrified that he had her diary, but all the sense seemed to have leaked out of her ears. All that mattered was that he was chasing her and laughing with her.

He slid to a stop beside her. "Yeah right! You're too chicken to admit that you like the dirty words!" He sat down with great flourish, white hair billowing around his shoulders. He pointed to a word in her diary with his clawed finger. "Here, see this one, it'd be so much better if it were 'cum' instead of 'warm shooting seed of love.'" His ears twitched. "Kagome?"

She pushed herself up on her elbow. Finally realizing that she was no longer hiccuping. Her face was red, but she was smiling in a sloppy, lopsided sort of way. "What?"

"Say 'cum'."

She laughed, "No way, that's gross!"

"Oh, come on! It's not hard!" Well, not as hard as his 'manhood' at least.

"No!" She pouted. "And you can't make me!"

"Can too, say it!"

"Can not!" She shrieked as Inuyasha pounced on her and began tickling her sides. "Okay, okay!" She whispered… "cum…"

"Louder!" His fingers played quickly up her sides.

"CUM!" She cried at the top of her lungs, gasped for air, laughing so hard tears streamed down her cheeks. "Stop, stop…" She curled into a ball as Inuyasha obeyed and quickly became absorbed in her diary again.

" 'If he only knew what I would do to his ears if he'd let me-'" Kagome snatched the book out of his hands and slipped the tomb under her shirt.

"That's enough!" She blushed fiercely, mind still fuzzy, but not fuzzy enough to let him read the passage after that. She looked back over at the hanyou only to find his eyes only inches from her own. The tip of his nose touched hers.

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?" She batted her eyes. He tackled her and started to tickle her again.

"What would you do to my ears?" He narrowed his eyes, a small smile hiding his shock that the passage was about him.

"How-how would you know if they were your ears I was talking about!?" She struggled in vain to get free of his assaulting fingers without uncrossing her arms and leaving the book uncovered for his taking. "I could have been talking about someone else!"

"Oh really?" His eyes glinted. He leaned closer to her and whispered, "Then we'll have to try something else then won't we?" He stopped tickling her and pinned her arms tighter to her chest. "Say 'Inuyasha is the sexiest person I know!'"

"No!"

He doubled his tickling assault. "I'll take the book back and read it myself!"

"Okay, okay!" He paused to let her get her breath. "Inuyasha is…the sexiest person…after his brother!" Kagome wondered if she had somehow gotten drunk without drinking in the pause after her words. She looked up to see Inuyasha twitching. "Oh, come on, you know his tail is sexy! All fluffy and soft looking…"

"You are sooo gonna get it now." He growled, but smiled playfully. For some reason, even that jab about Sesshomaru hadn't bothered him that much. His head felt almost as fluffy as his brother's tail was. With lightening fast speed he had her pinned, arms above her head. He had also straddled her, pinning her legs with his hips. "Since that didn't work, say…" He thought for a minute. An even more wicked grin appeared on his face. "'Inuyasha has a big cock!'" He howled with laughter. "Say it or I'll read more about what you'd do to my ears!" His hands reached menacingly for the hem of her shirt.

Blushing and biting her lips, she strained against his grip. Raising up enough to be closer to his face she yelled, "Inuyasha has a big COCK!" A few birds flew out of the trees above them.

Satisfied, he leaned back and released her wrists. "And how would you know? Did you watch me bathe, or did you dream about me?" Swiftly, he reached up her shirt, grabbing the book with one hand and her breast with the other. His mind told him it was to confuse her as to which hand to bat at first…his body told him otherwise.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome screeched. "You said you wouldn't read it!"

He looked down at her innocently, "No I didn't." He flipped to the page he had

Left off at. Kagome bucked wildly under him. The fuzz in his brain turned something thicker. His body flushed with heat and recent reason for Kagome yelling was standing at attention. "Kagome, quit that, you're getting me horny."

"Well, that's your problem isn't it!" She bucked harder, her hips colliding with his as they held her down.

Reaching down again, he pushed her wrists into one of his larger hands. He laid the book down on her chest, propping it up on her breasts and leaned over her to read it. "I don't get half these words! I have half a mind to make you tell me yourself." With that he tossed the book in the general direction of the abandoned bike. He leaned closer, lips inches away from her own. "Ne, tell me, woman. Exactly what would you do to my ears?"

Kagome could feel his hot breath on her lips, her tongue darted out, leaving a sheen behind. Her lower half was so hot, because of her emotions and because Inuyasha's warmth was radiating down on her. She smiled, "Never!" With that, her dulled mind allowed her to push away most of her inhibitions and she bridged the gap. Her warm lips met his as another swirl of sweet smelling air brushed past them.

Sighing, Inuyasha returned Kagome's kiss, gently licking her lips and then searching for her tongue with his own. She was so soft, he thought. Good thing his head wasn't working right or neither of them would be doing this. He chuckled.

Kagome opened her eyes as Inuyasha pulled away. "What?" She demanded as he looked at her with one eyebrow cocked.

Smirking he replied, "You have a dirty mouth…"

Kagome stared blankly at him for a moment… "But you made me say-" Then she stopped and started to laugh again. "So do you!" Everything seemed so terribly funny and smelled so sweet. Maybe the smell was making them act funny. Oh, well she didn't care.

Cackling, Inuyasha climbed off Kagome and collapsed beside her on the leaves. "Why are you obsessed with my ears?"

"Oh, why do you care!?" She laughed, stretching out her arms.

"No, I'm serious! Why the ears?" He rolled over to look at her.

Kagome blushed, knowing she was about to give away a secret when she didn't really want to. "Well, the very first place I ever touched you was your ears."

"Well, that's okay, I saw you naked less than a week after that, so I'll let that pass." He flopped back onto his back. Then quicker than ever, he was back up, "What did you want to do with them?"

Kagome sat up, brushing the dirt off her shirt. She scooted around the docile hanyou and pulled his head into her lap. Leaning down she whispered, "This." Her slender fingers rubbed the soft fur of his ears. Up and down, her thumbs found the base and traced small circles.

Slowly, Inuyasha scooted closer to her until the back of his head was nestled in between her breasts. It felt so good to have his ears fondled. Normally he didn't let anyone near his ears, not even Kagome. Now, warm waves were flowing up and down his body. If he had been sane, he would have been appalled at the tent being pitched in his pants. Now he only regarded it with a mild puzzlement.

Kagome lowered one shoulder and finally let herself do what she had wanted to do since she first met the dog boy. Her top lip slid along the edge of the inside part of his ear, the lower allowing her tongue to run the length of fur behind it. She felt the soft trembling as she nibbled at the tip. "Am I hurting you?"

Inuyasha answered with a deep rumbling in his chest. His eyes were closed and a small smile pulled at one side of his mouth. His hand reached down and he started to stroke himself through the rough material of his trousers.

Nipping harder at the ear, Kagome watched all this with a mild sense of puzzlement. "Inuyasha, what are you doing?"

"Fucking my hand." He said bluntly. One gold eye slit open.

"INUYASHA!" She smacked him hard on the head.

"Ooow, what!? You did that to me! This kind of thing isn't all romance, flowers and fancy words. It's about feelings…" He pouted. Then his body shuddered as Kagome tugged his ear with her teeth and replaced his hand with her own… "Kagome, what are you doing?" His eyes nearly crossed as her warm hand ran up his length.

"Now you're…fucking my hand." She stumbled over the word, but knew that for once he was right.

He grinned, "Potty mouth."

"Undo your pants." She mumbled around his ear. The numbness in her brain allowed her to be bold. She felt his ear twitch with the vibrations of her voice. He shifted and the cloth came away from the front of his body. Kagome watched in fascination as his penis came into view. "You aren't circumcised."

"Circum- what? Is that another fancy word?"

Kagome shook her head, this was the feudal age, so of course he wouldn't be. Not only that he was a hanyou! And the little hanyou was not so little. "Shh. Never mind." She whispered. Her hand squeezed and swept up the length of skin. She paused when Inuyasha looked up at her. From her angle he was looking at her upside-down, looking incredibly cute, gold eyes shining. "What?"

"Tell me again what you are doing." He grunted as she pushed her hand down.

Kagome raised an eyebrow, the sweet wind ruffling the hanyou's hair below her. "You want me to talk dirty?!"

"No." He whispered, smiling up at her, eyes half-closed, "Just tell me what you are doing and I'll leave you alone."

She blew softly on his ear, "Inuyasha, I'm trying to make you cum, using my hand." She leaned down and softly kissed him. Trailing her lips up his face, gently pressing them to his forehead, she then returned to his ears and sped up her pace. The soft sweet breeze blew around them. "Now be quiet and enjoy it."

Inuyasha felt all his attention this foggy brain could manage focus on Kagome's small hand and the ministration on his engorged penis. Each stroke felt like fire as her fingers skimmed the sensitive head and vein that ran its length. Panting, he twisted, his hands reaching for something to hold on to. Kagome caught one with her free hand and squeezed it reassuringly. He held on, lacing his fingers between hers.

Kagome watched silently as her hand slid up and down his hard shaft. A small bead of moisture had gathered at the tip, her fingers found it and the sliding became slick and fast. She noted that his hand gripped hers as she used the pre-cum to quicken her pace. His shoulders bunched together, brushing against her chest.

The heat was building, her hand stoking it, building it faster and faster. It would happen soon. He tilted his head and locked his gold eyes with Kagome's smoky ones. He needed to see her, to make sure that this was really real, not just another dream they were sharing.

Kagome looked down, face flushed and mind fuzzy. Inuyasha's eyes found hers. He watched her so intensely that Kagome finally remembered why they were here. The Shikon shard! The youkai was supposed to be in this forest! Inuyasha's fingers clinched around hers. His eyes squeezed shut, mouth opening as a moan escaped, his small sharp canine teeth visible for a split second before Kagome felt warmth spill onto her hand. As his body when boneless against her, she watched as white cum erupted from him and onto her hand and his pants.

When it stopped he slowly opened his eyes again and raised Kagome's wet hand to his mouth where he licked it clean. Kagome jumped at the feeling of his rough tongue on her hand then dipped her head down to help. Licking turned to kissing again. Then Kagome broke the kiss to remind him of their purpose. "We need to find the youkai with the shard…" She shook her head, things were getting fuzzy again. "Does your head feel funny?"

"Well its still got cum on it…"

"No, you're mind, is it fuzzy?" She squeezed his hand that was still twined with her own.

"A little…it's like I've drank too much sake, or something." He brushed the hair out of his eyes and moved to get up. Kagome let go of his hand regretfully. "It's all tipsy." He shook his head, then drew Tetsusaiga. Sniffing the air, he finally understood. "The youkai is putting out a scent!" He pulled Kagome up to him and circled her waist with his free arm. "That's what's going on, it got us drunk with its smell."

Suddenly, the tree above them shook. A blur jumped to the ground and they both gasped. "Inuyasha, hanyou, prepare to give me those shards!" The monster growled.

Both Kagome and Inuyasha facefaulted. Looking up, Inuyasha said, "That looks like…"

Kagome finished for him. "A TWAT!" She flinched. "Hurry up and kill it…that's just lewd." She looked away, burying her face in his sleeve.

Inuyasha swung the Tetsusaiga and the monster dissipated. He walked to the corpse and picked up the shard. "Well, I guess that's why the villagers were acting like they were…they were all hung over."

"Oh." Kagome said very quietly.

Inuyasha walked over to her and slung an arm over her shoulders. "Good job for a dirty mouthed girl." He patted her on the rear and then headed for the bike.

Kagome fumed.

Before she could say anything, Inuyasha called over his shoulder, "I'll return the favor later, but not when I'm drunk!" He pranced out of the forest, twirling, drunk as a skunk.

Kagome smiled, sighed and followed behind him.

The next day…

Inuyasha groaned, causing Kagome to groan. Her body was scalding hot, in the futon next to him. Her small hand flexed and relaxed, flexed and relaxed on the sheet covering their naked bodies. She moaned, causing Inuyasha to moan. She patted his stomach desperately and motioned to the bowl on the low table on his side of the futon.

He reached over and fished out another cold washcloth. Folding it into a makeshift rectangle, he placed it over Kagome's eyes. Then he replaced his own with a colder cloth. Just as he was settled back into their futon, Kagome whispered, "I think I'm gonna barf again."

He sighed and rolled her to her side, holding her hair back as she vomited into a bowl on the floor. Rubbing her back until she was done. He arranged her on the sleeping mat, then set about getting himself comfortable again.

They were both terribly hung over from the youkai. But under the sheet, Inuyasha held Kagome's hand, lacing his fingers with hers.

The End!