InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ To Love You Again ❯ One Sad Heart, One Lonely Soul ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I own Inuyasha! (looks around innocently) What? Do you guys think I’m lying? Now why would I do something as despicable as that? (sees lawyers approaching) Oh! Did I say I own Inuyasha? Hehehe… I was only kidding. (lawyers walks away) Yup, only kidding. I just own my story. Oh bogger… Author’s Note: Hey guys, thanks for coming. I really hope you enjoy my first Inuyasha fanfic. Although I’m new, I expect everyone to state his or her opinions truthfully. However, if you want to criticize, please do so, but say what you don’t like and explain why you don’t like it. If you don’t tell me why, how am I supposed to know? I’m not psychic. Anyway, if you guys have additional questions, e-mail me and I’ll do my best to answer them. Thank you very much.   Full Summary of Story: Kagome has always loved Inuyasha, after constantly being hurt by him, and also having the knowledge that he is bound to another. Inuyasha will do anything to be with his beloved Kikyou, although deep down, his heart yearns for Kagome and has profound feelings for her, as well. But after committing the worst mistake of his life, Inuyasha loses Kagome...forever. Fifteen years later, after Kagome's demise and Naraku's demolition, strange things begin to lurk about as a new evil arises. Furthermore, who is that mystifying female hanyou that Inuyasha and the gang keep meeting up with? Why does she seem to know so much about them? And why is it that she appears to loathe Inuyasha so much?

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To Love You Again

Chapter 1:

One Sad Heart, One Lonely Soul

"The course of true love never did run smooth..."
-William Shakespere .
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Kagome’s P.O.V.

He did it…again. He left me and went to see his precious Kikyou. ‘Goes to show how little he actually cares for me,’ I thought bitterly. I mean, for the love of Kami! For once, he acts like he really cares for me, and the next thing you know, he’s running off to Kikyou with open arms and leaving me…alone--- alone in my pitiful misery. Sometimes I just don’t know where I stand with him. Come to think of it, I never knew where I stood with him. I sigh sadly, feeling my heart throb painfully in my chest. It’s always like this. When he finally opens up to me, she has to come and he has to go with her. I always hurt every time he sets off to find that…that stupid dead clay pot! I winced. There I go again, insulting Kikyou, just because she has Inuyasha, just because she has his love. Something I long for, but will never ever have. I grimaced slightly at that unpleasant thought. I let out another depressing sigh. I really hate feeling sorry for myself, because then I remember why I’m feeling this way. It’s because I’m jealous---jealous of her. I don’t hate her. I just…I don’t know, I envy her I suppose. But not hate her. It kind of goes against my nature anyway. But I can’t help it, you know? I mean I can’t compete with her at all. Kikyou is so beautiful, so gorgeous and so graceful. She can even fight off demons and destroy them with her incredible archery skills. She is a very powerful miko, after all. She never does anything wrong. Kikyou is just so…perfect, so perfect that Inuyasha forgets that she’s not alive... and that lives off from the souls of dead people, too.

Me? I’m alive, sure. But after that, I’m just plain old Kagome, puny girl from the future. Nothing special there, I guess. I can’t even shoot a bow and arrow to save my life. My theoretical spiritual powers are weak, too. I can’t do anything right. I’m just…there. It’s why Inuyasha won’t look at me. The only reason he lets me ‘tag along’ is because I’m his lover’s reincarnation. That and the fact Kikyou and I look very much alike. I just had to look like his beloved Kikyou, or at least a cheap version of her anyway. Even though I look like her, I know I could never be like her. I will never be good enough. All I’m good for now is locating the shards of the Shikon Jewel--- the jewel that I broke because of my clumsiness. (I kind of realized that I possessed no grace whatsoever.) Other than that, I would just be a useless human. At least that was what Inuyasha implied, when he declared that I could never measure up to be like his Kikyou. Yes, we argued once again, but this time I really got hurt…and my frail heart couldn’t take it anymore. I know all the other times I was able to put up with his nasty attitude, but this time I just couldn’t take it. That’s why I went back to my time--- to escape from the pain in my heart, and the agony in my soul.

I closed my eyes, recalling what happened only a few hours ago…

Flashback-

Normal P.O.V.

Back in the feudal era, where Kaede’s village was located, the weather was actually quite beautiful. It was late in the afternoon and the climate wasn’t too bad either. It was neither too hot nor too cold, but just enough sun to please the villagers. The winds were rather calm as well. The tender breezes that passed by felt like gentle caresses. And the sakura petals that were carried by the winds also created a scene of beauty. In fact it seemed like spring had finally arrived. You may think that everyone must be relaxing on a beautiful day like this. However you are badly misinformed. Back in Kaede’s hut, one girl was irritated and getting on her last nerve.

Kagome’s P.O.V.

“Darn it, Sango, where is he! WHERE!” I asked, or more likely, yelled. I was waiting impatiently for Inuyasha’s return. I must have looked like an idiot, pacing back and forth across the small room. But I didn’t really care right now. Inuyasha was currently missing, and at the present moment, I wasn’t in the mood to stay calm. I mean he didn’t even tell me where he was going! That dim-witted creep! He’s going to pay. Just wait until I get my hands on him. He’ll be sorry. I should sit him a million times for this…

“Cheer up, Kagome-chan. He’ll be back, so stop worrying,” Sango replied gently. Even though my best friend was seriously injured after our encounter with some youkai, she still tried to make me feel better. Her kind voice helped me relax a little. She really knows how to do that. I smiled at her, so she knows how much I appreciate her help.

“Thanks, Sango-chan. I guess I am getting upset for no reason. But I can’t help it. Inuyasha was seriously wounded after that battle we had earlier with those lizard demons. And now he just took off without saying a word. He could be dead for all we know.” Just great. I’m stressing out again.

“Sango’s right, Kagome-sama.” Miroku said, disturbing me from my thoughts. At the same time he was inching really close to Sango. “You must calm down. Inuyasha will return to us soon.” And his hand was slowly reaching down to Sango’s rear. “Besides he’s too stubborn to die. After all, he has you to live for.”

A blush threatened to cross my cheeks. What Miroku said… could it really be true? I really hope what he said was right. I felt my hopes go up. Everyone knows how I feel for Inuyasha. Everyone knows how much I love him. Everyone knows, except Inuyasha himself. I felt my hopes dying out as fast as they came. Maybe I really didn’t have a chance with him…

 Then the idiot finally made a move on Sango by gently stroking my best friend’s butt.

“Hentai!” *BOOM! WHAM! CRACK!* There they go again… having another- what do you call it?- oh yeah, a “lover’s spat.” I smirked. This should be entertaining.

“Sango wait! I’m really sorry.” Miroku cried

“Not good enough houshi.” She let out her battle cry and her fist went flying straight towards Miroku’s head.

“That’s for touching my ass!”

“Sango please- oomf.”

“And that’s for groping me all those other times!” she yelled and punched him again, except harder.

“Sango, you really shouldn’t be- ahah!” this time he was kicked.

“Ooh, look at the pretty butterflies,” Miroku said with a dazed look. I had to hold back my laugh. But I couldn’t help it. I burst out laughing. It’s just so funny to see your best friend beating up your other best friend, especially when it’s so obvious that they like each other. I looked at the beat-up monk. Maybe Sango should give the poor guy a break? Nah.

“And this! This is just because I feel like it! So take that!” Ouch… Miroku just got whacked with Sango’s deadly Hiraikotsu. I snickered.

I looked at Sango. She was breathing hard. My sisterly instinct kicked in.

“Sango! Are you all right?”

“Fine,” she panted. “Just fine.”

A loud, noisy arrival broke me away from the current predicament. Sango, Miroku and I looked up.

And there he was, Inuyasha, in all his glory…looking as pissed as hell. I think that was Shippou’s doing because he had a really big bump n his head. But I didn’t really give a damn at the moment. Right now I was as pissed as hell, too, maybe even more pissed. I believe he noticed that because after a few seconds, he looked my way.

“And where the hell have you been, dog boy!” I screamed. From the corner of my eye I saw Sango, Shippou and Miroku flinch. I knew they didn’t want to be in Inuyasha’s position right now. Especially with me screaming the way I did. “I specifically told you not to get out of bed, mister! You knew your wounds hadn’t completely healed yet. But nooooo! You didn’t listen and now you opened them up! See? Look at them! You’re bleeding like hell, you baka! Why don’t you ever frickin listen to me, Inuyasha! Why! Am I not speaking Japanese here?! Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?” Sango, Miroku, Shippou, and even Inuyasha all had surprised looks on their faces. I didn’t mean to sound so angry and sarcastic. I didn’t mean to cuss either. But I was very angry, and when I’m angry, I tend to blow up like a violent volcano. ‘What a lovely depiction,’ I thought dryly.

“Oi, wench! Last time I checked you weren’t my mother. So don’t tell me what the fuck I have to do!” Inuyasha snapped. “And while you’re at it, shut your damn mouth. You’re annoying me with all your yapping.” I fumed in frustration.

“Really now, Inuyasha. Kagome-sama was just worried-” Miroku tried to explain. Oh well it didn’t work. Goodie…

“Is that so? Well, I don’t care!” I shot back. “You shouldn’t have left like that, you insensitive bastard. You could have left a note or at least TELL someone! It didn’t have to be me you know.” Inuyasha only got more furious.

“Does it look like I care what you think? I don’t think so, stupid!” Inuyasha barked. “So you better think twice before you think you can boss me around! Because I can do what I please, even though you think you can control me with these fucking beads!”

‘That’s what you think,’ I thought angrily. ‘And I don’t control you, damn it… although I do get carried away with the sits sometimes.’ “Okay whatever,” I said, trying to calm myself down. That and I also didn’t want to argue with Inuyasha anymore. “So…where did you go?” And I asked really nicely, too.

“None of your fucking business bitch.” Inuyasha snarled. Ouch. That one stung.

And that’s when things started to go way downhill. Even Sango noticed it because she hastily tried to make peace. Too bad that her attempts were in vain, as was Miroku’s. Then Shippou began to wail loudly. I know that he doesn’t like it when Inuyasha and I fight.

 “Inuyasha you big meanie! Stop fighting with Kagome!”

I always feel bad when I see Shippou cry because of our bickering. But right now I overlooked it. I mean seriously, today was just not my day.

“What the heck is your problem, Inuyasha? I was only asking, you big jerk!” I yelled at him because I wanted to hide the hurt I felt after I realized he wasn’t going to tell me. How could he not trust me! We’ve been together for four years, and he still doesn’t trust me! But then it finally hit me. I think I knew why he wouldn’t say…

“Well then don’t fucking ask, you idiot!” Inuyasha shouted back. That does it. That was it. I’ve had it. I wasn’t going to take anymore of this garbage. So I blurted out some crap.

“Why won’t you tell me, you baka? Oh wait! Let me guess, maybe you were with your little precious, Kikyou?” I said, making sure every word was dripping with venom and malice.

Silence filled the room. I swear to Kami that everything went quiet. Even Shippou stopped sobbing. Everyone in the room was anxious to hear Inuyasha’s response.

“So what the hell if I was,” he answered quietly. It took all the willpower I had to mask my surprise… and the anguish I suffered when I heard that remark. I knew I had to stay strong. What else could I do?

“Well, for starters,” I began in an icy tone. “It would have saved me the trouble of looking for you and worrying about your sleazy behind.” I poked his chest with my finger. “Second, I wouldn’t have wasted my time thinking that you were dead, when you were really just there with your Kikyou.” I poked him harder. “And third, I had better things to do you than think about you. I could’ve been getting medicine from my time. Because after you, Sango was hurt the most. I could’ve been dressing her wounds. She was badly injured, you inconsiderate creep!” I looked him straight in the eye, but all I could see was his anger. Inuyasha growled so viciously that even I began to tremble in fear.

“Well then, it’s not my fucking fault now is it? If you weren’t so fucking clumsy and such a lousy archer, then maybe, Sango wouldn’t have been in this serious predicament.” He spat acrimoniously. “Don’t you fucking blame this on me you bitch.” My eyes widened in shock.

“Wh- what,” I whispered. This time I didn’t disguise my grief. But Inuyasha didn’t seem to care, because he kept tearing my heart into pieces with his cruel words.

“You know what I mean, bitch,” Inuyasha said coldly. “If your pathetic arrow didn’t miss that youkai, then Sango wouldn’t have gotten these wounds. Because of your so-called archery skills, you put our friend into this mess. Because of you, a valuable fighter was injured. At least she can fight---and you can’t. But then again, you’re not Kikyou. Kikyou wouldn’t have missed that shot. She would have saved us all this trouble. She was a great archer, unlike you. After all this time, you still can’t shoot a fucking arrow. You’re just too pathetic.”

Everyone gasped at Inuyasha’s revelation. The whole room went still. Everything got quiet again. Even more quiet than before. The only thing you could’ve possibly heard was my heavy ragged breathing. I think my heart just stopped beating. I felt…empty.

‘No Inuyasha, you didn’t mean that, did you. Please…please take it back.’ I looked into his eyes desperately. I expected to see remorse in his eyes, just like those other times when he would say hurtful things like that. But I was wrong. This time he gave no sign that he regretted his words. His stunning golden eyes were now distant and unkind. I looked away, my bangs covering my eyes. I didn’t want him to see the tears that were about to spill from them.

“Is…is that what you think of me, Inuyasha?” I managed to choke out. I prayed that he wouldn’t say yes. ‘Please don’t say yes. For the love of Kami, please don’t say yes.’ I thought frantically. I'm so pitiful. Still, I waited for his answer.

“Yes, you bitch. I do.” I gasped and turned my head to meet his eyes once more. They were so bitter. But what haunted me the most was his voice. It was so cold and detached. It didn’t sound like the Inuyasha I knew… the one I loved.  But unfortunately, it was, and I had to do everything I could to keep myself from breaking down. I clenched my fist until they were white and I squeezed my eyes tightly to keep my tears in. I bowed my head again so that my bangs covered my face. I didn’t want him to see me in my weakest state.

“Inuyasha!” Sango cut in. “Don’t blame Kagome for my injuries. It wasn’t her fault. It was mine! I should have protected myself better.”

“Really Inuyasha, give Kagome-sama some credit. Her archery skills are really improving!” Miroku added. ‘Oh Sango and Miroku, you guys are always there for me.’

“Yeah you big dummy! Stop being so mean to Kagome!” Oh Shippou…

“Shut up! Enough from all of you! Stop trying to defend her.” Inuyasha angrily replied. “It’s time that she knows her place.” He glared at me with so much hate. “That wench is not good for anything. All she’s good at is looking for the jewel shards. But she can’t even do that right. How fucking pathetic.”

I let out a small whimper. I was crying…badly. I was shaking all over, and my tears just wouldn’t stop. I didn’t want to hear anything more that he had to say. One more harsh remark and I knew that my heart and even my soul would shatter. So I did the first thing I could think of- I ran. I ran to the well. I had to go home, now. Back to my time. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I just needed time. I’m not leaving forever. I have responsibilities and I needed to be with Inuyasha. Yes, even after he made me suffer, I still forgive him…I still love him.

End of Flashback-

I opened my eyes and released myself from that particularly horrid memory. Just thinking about it makes me want to…oh Kami, I think I’m about to cry again. But I restrained it. I don’t want to cry anymore. I’m sick of it. I’m tired of always being hurt. All I’ve ever been doing for the past few weeks is shedding tears like the pitiful human I am. My tears…I remember all those times I cried because of him…because of Inuyasha. Oh well, I only do it because I love him so much. However, my love doesn’t mean anything to Inuyasha. I don’t know why I even love him in the first place.

He never calls me by my name- it’s either wench, or worse, bitch. He’s rude, impatient, violent, and such a big jerk! He’s also so arrogant, and pig-headed, and his brain is so dense that it drives me up the wall! That and the fact that he tried to kill me the first time we met. And I’m not even finished yet! He never lets me go home because I have to stay and look for his precious jewel shards. Not only that but every argument we have that concerns on me returning to my era ends up in a sit… a very big sit. The worse fights we have is when he compares me to… Kikyou. People would think that I hate for making me so miserable. But I don’t. It’s the opposite really. But if I knew it was going to hurt this much, then I wish that I had never laid eyes on him. I shake my head dejectedly. Although I say and think that, deep in my heart I know it’s not true. I know that I’m in love with Inuyasha. Something made me love him, I don’t know what.

Was it his amazing golden eyes, his cute small nose, his soft delicate lips, or those adorable fuzzy dog-ears? Or was it those rare tender smiles he gave me when no one was looking. Or maybe I fell in love with him because he’s so strong, brave, loyal, and such a devoted friend. I think it was all of that and more. It’s what makes him Inuyasha…my Inuyasha. And I don’t think I could ever have him any other way. I smiled at that. My Inuyasha…I don’t care if he’s human, hanyou, or youkai. He would still be Inuyasha. But if you ask me, I like his hanyou form the best. I mean who could resist those cute fluffy doggy ears? I know I couldn’t. I let out a small laugh. I just love Inuyasha’s dog-ears. They’re so cute, especially when they’re twitching with annoyance or just with plain curiosity.

‘But one day you are going to have to live without him, Kagome’ I thought unhappily to myself. ‘After all, when he’s done with you, he’ll leave you and go back to Kikyou… and you’ll be all alone.

I groaned softly in my pillow. I’ll pretend I didn’t just think that. Too late. I was right in any case. The day when the jewel is complete, I won’t be needed anymore. Of course, I could probably still visit. Yet, I don’t think I can withstand being tormented, when I see Inuyasha and Kikyou together...happy and so in love. Still, all I want for Inuyasha is for him to be happy. Even if it’s not with me. I want him to smile and laugh a lot. I don’t want him to be alone like he’s always been before he met Sango, Miroku, Shippou, and me. I want him to start trusting people. I also want him to stop thinking that he’s a worthless half-breed, because he’s not. It’s very untrue.

However, even though he still wants to become a full-fledged demon, I hope he realizes that he has friends. Friends who care for him and accept him for what he is and who he is. But like I said, after the Shikon no Tama is complete Inuyasha won’t need me anymore. My eyes began prickling with tears. I guess I held them off long enough. So then, I began to cry. I cried and I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. Thank Kami that no one was in the house. Mama, Souta, Ji-chan, and even Buyou, all went out for the weekend. So I was completely alone… literally.

It was almost 4 in the afternoon when I ceased my tears. It’s only been two hours since the ‘incident.’ To me it seemed like forever. I don’t know when I’m going to go back to face Inuyasha and the others. What I do know is that it’s not going to take me two hours to get over this horrendous experience. So I decided to do the next best thing…to sleep. Maybe when I wake up, it’ll all be just a bad dream. A very bad dream…

I snuggled into my bed and wrapped the warm soft blankets around my body. I felt my eyes get heavy. But before I drifted off to sleep, I whispered these four precious words, that without my knowing, I will one day regret.

“I love you, Inuyasha…”

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Final Thoughts From Kagome:

“Why do I feel like I’m going to regret saying that…?”

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.   Good Lord. I just posted and revised my first chapter. Somebody, please pinch me. Owie, my sister just pinched me. Anyways, thank you for taking your time to read my story. I hope you guys continue to read. Am I forgetting anything? Oh yeah! PLEASE REVIEW!

PLEASE READ: I will be updating my story one chapter every two, or three weeks. Chapter 2: When the Heart Lies will probably be posted this week. If not, then it will be posted this Saturday, June 25, 2005. Until next time everyone! Ja ne.   ~*Inuyasha'sWarriorMiko*~