InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ To Nowhere ❯ The Evening ( Chapter 13 )

Disclaimer: inuyasha does not belong to me

A/N: hey guys, I am so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This update is severely overdue. My internet service has been down since about 2 days after my last update (comcast fucking sucks). I apologize! I hope I haven't lost everyone's interest! Thanks to those who are still reading! Once again, I'm VERY sorry.

Hope you enjoy…

**

As the evening wore on, Sango and Miroku became more depressed. No clues had surfaced and they were beginning to feel the full effects of the news they had gained three days earlier. Inu Yasha's surprising words had three long days to pull ruthlessly at their hearts. Three long days and they were no closer to an answer. The hours pulled by slowly but there never seemed to be enough time. Sango sluggishly pulled hiraikotsu behind her and her shoulders slumped lower than usual. The two walked in relative silence while they both pondered the new reality they faced.

"We should have gone with them." Sango lamented to herself. She had said it many times but the pain never lifted from her heart. She thought she had been selfish for wanting to rebuild her village when the journey was not over.

"Sango…" Miroku started, trying to warn her to stop. She was being hard on herself and it was wearing on his heart as well.

"But we should have!" Sango said louder. "If we had been with them, this might not have happened."

"And something worse might have." Miroku continued, trying to calm her. "Listen, we can't go back and change things so we just have to do our best to make it better. That is why we're doing this, right?"

Sango nodded her head numbly but she still felt pained. "We have lost Kaede and we might lose Kagome. It frightens me. I thought this was over... I'm tired of losing people."

Miroku stopped walking and looked at Sango's tense face. He could see tears in her eyes that she was desperately trying to hold off and her skin had grown pale again. His heart sank at the deep sorrow in her voice. He could think of no words to ease her pain so he sighed and continued on his way. He had promised Inu Yasha they would find a cure for Kagome, but his hope was dwindling while his doubt was growing. The more he thought about it, the more the situation already seemed out of control. He did not want to think about how it would effect Inu Yasha if they had found nothing by the end of the week.

"We should stop and set up camp soon." Miroku said, breaking the strong tension that lay heavy on the air.

Sango sighed heavily in response. They had gotten little sleep the night before and she knew they both really needed rest, but she had hoped they would reach one more village before they stopped again. They had just left one village only hours earlier and they now both carried the strong disappointment they had uncovered there. "That is probably a good idea" she replied slowly, "Kirara needs a rest too and we won't get far on our own feet."

Miroku nodded and scanned the horizon for a good place to sit out the night. He pointed to an area of low trees that would give them some cover from any wandering demons once night fell. "I apologize that I did not find us a room to sleep in at the last village." He said wearily, noting the faint look of disapproval that washed over face.

"No, it's okay." She said, brightening up slightly. "Every bit of distance we make counts. If we are going to find something within a few more days, we have to keep traveling. And anyway…" she said waving her hand as though to scatter a swarm of flies crowding her, "it's not like I haven't slept outside plenty of times before." She cut herself off; leaving out the part that it would be the first time she was sleeping outside… alone… with Miroku.

"Still, I apologize." Miroku said, trying to read the discomfort he saw in her movements. She was not acting like it was okay. He sighed to himself, giving up on her strange behavior and walked steadily toward the spot he had suggested. Once they arrived, Sango dropped her green bag and started laying out her blanket while Miroku tried to start a fire before the chilly night took over. He glanced up to see Sango fidgeting with her bedding. She was tugging at the edges and smoothing it out compulsively. Her movements were jerky and she appeared nervous.

"Are you okay, Sango?" he said in a calm, soothing voice. Sango's head shot up and her eyes were slightly wide.

"I-I'm fine. Why?"

Miroku raised his eyebrows at her. He was slightly insulted by her behavior since he knew what lines he could and could not cross despite his normal inclinations. Through the shame, however, Sango's behavior was beginning to amuse him. If nothing else, a little joking around might help to get her mind off things. He did not plan to actually do anything, but he decided it might be okay to mess with her mind a little. Not to be cruel, just to bring her spirits up.

"Sango, my dear, you really should relax. We will not get very far with you in such a state."

"What state?" she asked in a panicked voice, pronouncing the word `state' with a certain conviction as though that one word held a threat. "I'm perfectly fine. Just worried."

"Well, you needn't worry." He said simply. "We'll conserve body heat by sleeping together."

"What?!" she yelled. "That's not what I'm worried about!"

"Well then, I'm sure I can get your mind off what is worrying you if you give me the chance. Tomorrow won't be here for hours. We'll worry about it when it gets here."

"No!" Sango retaliated, becoming flustered. "Stay on your side! If I catch you coming a step further I will order Kirara to rip you to shreds until every one of your body parts is completely unrecognizable!"

"But two of us will be better traveling together." Miroku reasoned. "If you kill me off, then you'll be on your own to find a cure for Kagome. Do you really think you can bare that responsibility alone? I think our chances are much better if we stick together."

Sango cringed. "Are you trying to threaten me?"

"Not at all." He said in a calm voice, contrasting her frantic one. "I'm merely laying out the facts."

"But you're trying to bribe me into letting you take advantage of me!"

"Not exactly." Miroku said, his gaze lifting to the treetops to watch the wind roll in. "But… that's not so much of a bad idea. Of course, I wouldn't word it quite like that."

"You're disgusting!" Sango yelled. "I'm not going to be able to sleep now."

Miroku frowned. He hadn't thought that she would be losing sleep over his teasing. They all needed all the rest they could get. "Do you really have that little trust in me?"

"Yes."

"Oh." He said, not bothering to hide his hurt though he agreed he somehow deserved it. "Listen, we've lived alone in the same village for a while now… have I ever tried anything?"

Sango looked skeptical. "Not that I know of."

Miroku sighed. "I'm not going to do anything. We both need our rest. I can go-"

"No." Sango interrupted. "That's okay. But Kirara staying right by me and I meant what I said." She added a death glare for emphasis.

"Understood." Miroku replied. He breathed a sigh of relief and looked to his side at the setting sun. "Tomorrow we'll go that village where Inu Yasha first claimed Kagome fell ill. That may be our best chance."

"You're right." Sango answered in a more relaxed voice. "That's where it started so that's definitely a good idea."

Miroku nodded and Sango tried to assure herself.

"I wonder how Kagome and Inu Yasha are doing." Sango questioned, hoping that they were able to keep their spirits lifted.

**

In the cool cavern, Kagome glared at Inu Yasha. For the past five hours they had done nothing but fight. They had fought over everything trivial and meaningless that was known to the natural world and Kagome was ready to kill him. She could not even remember why she was mad. She only knew that Inu Yasha's very presence was making her hair stand on end.

He reciprocated similar feelings. Kagome had complained about everything that morning. The food wasn't good enough, the cave smelled funny, and she wanted her bath soaps. He returned her glare with intense vigor and let out a small growl. They had been in such a standoff for quite some time and Kagome was the first to snap.

"I'm going outside!" she yelled triumphantly as though it was the greatest idea she ever had.

"Good." Inu Yasha stated. "You're the reason the cave smells funny."

"Excuse me?!" Kagome screeched, spinning around. "Take that back!"

"Why?" he questioned innocently. "It's true."

"Ugh! I hate you!" she yelled and tore out of the cavern. She heard Inu Yasha yell something back at her as she exited but his voice was muffled. She was sure it was rude anyway so she continued on her way. She kicked at the ground in frustration. As far as she was concerned, he was being ridiculously irrational. He just couldn't seem to understand that she was in a bad mood and didn't want to be bothered.

She continued to fume as she walked along the side of the hot springs. Her scowl turned to a soft frown as she thought about the past week. He had not once repeated that he loved her. Sure, she had not either, but she was the girl so she didn't have to. Kagome sighed in defeat. She put her back against a large stone and slid down, putting her head in her hands. How had everything gotten so messy?

Kagome continued to trudge around the area while her mind went from angry to depressed. She missed her family and her friends. She felt awful about everything that had happened and a hole in her heart seemed to be growing rapidly. She wanted to go home but she couldn't. For once, she wished that she could go back to the day she found the well and change everything. She wished that she could go back to being a normal fifteen-year-old girl. She felt like she had missed something really important in the last year.

She sighed and fought back a stream of tears as a cool breeze brushed her thick hair from her shoulders. She was sixteen years old but she felt much older. She had seen more death than most people she knew would see in a lifetime. Her childhood was lost forever. Even if she were able to go home again, she would not be able to go shopping with her friends or carry any sort of normal relationship. Even the last few times she had been at home, she felt distant from everyone.

Her friends knew something was going on, though they probably were miles from the truth. She had become a social outcast somewhere along the way and it could not be undone. Since she had graduated from junior high, her friends hardly even spoke to her when she was `in town'. Hojou still dropped by occasionally, as oblivious as ever, but things were not the same. No matter what happened, Kagome realized she would never have a normal life. It frightened her more than anything. Especially since things with Inu Yasha were not going as well as she had hoped.

She walked away from the cave and headed in random directions. She needed her space and she needed to be away from Inu Yasha for a little while. In the time they had spent alone together, she had no real time to think about the things she needed to think about. Lots of things had been resolved but other things hadn't. Despite contrary evidence, she still doubted Inu Yasha's feelings for her. Sometimes she even doubted her own feelings. Did she really want to spend her life with such an arrogant jerk?

She scoffed, remembering that in their declaration of love there had been no mention of spending their lives together. She was only sixteen after all. He was the only thing even remotely close to a boyfriend she had ever had, sad as it was. Was she a fool for putting him on such a pedestal? She sighed as she passed into a forest of short stubby trees while her feet crunched loudly on fallen leaves. Of course she was a fool. They couldn't even get along for a few days together.

She continued to walk, listening to the sound of the cool wind whipping along beside her and birds flocking over her head. Her fists balled up when she heard a heavy cracking sound behind her. She spun and glared at the hanyou following close behind in the tree branches.

"What do you think you're doing? I want to be alone right now!" Kagome yelled. She became even more furious as his face twisted into a scowl. She wished he would at least pretend to be embarrassed for following her around.

"Keh! I can't let you go out by yourself. You're too stupid and clumsy to keep from hurting yourself."

Kagome ground her teeth in frustration. "Why do you always have to insult me?"

"Because you never listen! And you hate me anyway, so why does it matter?" he said, his voice dragging out as he finished.

Kagome stopped for a moment and looked at him. She could see he was hurt and her feelings tore her apart inside. "I don't hate you. I was just mad."

"Hmph." Inu Yasha said, turning his head arrogantly. "I just think you owe me a little more credit for saving your ass all the time."

Kagome narrowed her eyes, deciding how she should take his statement. "Listen, Inu Yasha." She said firmly. "I do not hate you. I could never hate you, no matter what. I'm sorry for what I said."

Inu Yasha stared at her for a moment. "Okay."

Kagome opened her mouth in astonishment. "Okay?" She drawled in an irritated voice. "Just `okay'? Don't you have something to apologize for?"

Inu Yasha looked at her with a genuinely confused expression. "No… why?"

"You know what, Inu Yasha? This is getting really old. I'm tired of being insulted constantly… I'm tired of being called names… I'm tired of fighting. I hate fighting with you!" She finished off, suddenly finding herself holding off tears.

Inu Yasha's face went blank. "Well then stop starting fights!"

"I don't start them!" Kagome yelled, fresh tears running down her cheeks.

"Do to! Now, stop that!" he yelled back, jumping from his tree branch to run to her side. He surprised her by landing inches away from her face and with surprisingly gentle movements, brushing the tears from her face. She stood speechless in front of him.

"I guess… I…" she finally stammered out, forgetting her anger.

"I'm sorry."

"It's just-" Kagome fell silent. "Did you just apologize?"

"Well, I'm just sorry that you have to go through this. I'm sorry I couldn't keep this from happening."

Kagome smiled and her tears dried completely. He may not have been apologizing for what she wanted him to, but it was a good start. Despite his behavior, she knew he did care. "Thank you." She said with a bright expression lighting her face.

She shyly linked her hand in his and started walking with him silently back to their temporary home. She enjoyed the small warmth she felt from him and her sore heart slowly relaxed. Something still nagged in her mind, however, and she stopped in her track when she realized what it was.

"What's wrong?" Inu Yasha asked, turning to face her.

"I… well…" she started, and her eyes darted to the ground. "We need to talk."

Inu Yasha stared at her, confused. "Okay…"

"A serious talk." Kagome clarified, though Inu Yasha felt no more clear on the situation. "And I want you to be honest."

"Okay…" he said, growing more unsure of her behavior. Weren't they already past this? Didn't she know that he loved her?

"Really, Inu Yasha. It's very important. If you're not truthful, it will really hurt me. Do you understand?"

Inu Yasha nodded his head, though he really didn't understand. He watched her fidget in her spot while her eyes darted quickly from one object to another as they avoided any contact with him. She looked something like a cornered animal and he could hear her heart racing from her nerves.

"I need to know about Kikyou." Kagome finally said with a surprisingly large amount of resolution.

Inu Yasha was more confused but he suddenly felt as though he was on uneven ground. Kagome was steering the conversation exactly to the place he always tried to avoid.

"Look…" Kagome said, sensing his discomfort. "I just… want to know where I stand."

"But I've already-" Inu Yasha started, getting frustrated. Had they not been through this?

"I know." Kagome interrupted. "But I also know now that it's not so simple. She's gone but I know your feelings haven't changed." Kagome paused for a moment and watched his expression harden. "It's okay. I wouldn't expect you to change. I would never ask that of you… I just want…" Kagome stopped again, to gather her thoughts. Her eyes once again began to dart from one thing to another, avoiding Inu Yasha's gaze. "You haven't come to terms with her death." She finally stated in a quiet voice. She forced herself to meet his eyes. "Don't try to say you have, because I know you haven't. And I can't… I can't be with you knowing that you still wish she was here."

"Kagome…"

"Just tell me. If you had a chance to have her back and lose me forever, would you be with her?"

No answer.

Kagome drew in a deep breath. "I thought so. I'm not saying you have to stop loving her. I'm not that cruel. I know it would be impossible for me to do the same thing with you, so I know a little bit of how you feel. However, I want you to except the fact that she is gone. This thing between us… it has to stop until you figure out how you really feel."

Kagome continued to stare at the ground as she walked past Inu Yasha. She tried to keep her body stiff to hide the sobs she barely concealed. As the sun set in the distance, she felt an unimaginable cold overcome her.

**

A/N: Thanks again for still reading. In my absence, however, I did get to go to A-Kon and saw Do As Infinity (who were AWESOME). That doesn't really justify my lack of updates but the new chapter should be coming soon (God willing).