InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Too late to say sorry ❯ Part Three ( Chapter 3 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: MIztikal_Dragon 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 12.21.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.1K | Visits: 379 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 12.21.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.1K | Visits: 379 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha and CO. I do own the plot for this story and right now I own the words because I said so.
Hey there! This is a THREE part STORY! This is NOT a story for people looking for a happy ending. ANGST IS NEAR!
Updated: 12-21-05
Pairings: Miroku/Sango
Rating: Pg-13 maybe R I dunno.
Too late to say sorry.
By Miztikal-Dragon
Part Three
The funeral had been beautiful, flowers were everywhere and there was sad laughter. Miroku had never wanted people to be sad and cry because of him so in his memory everyone who attended tried their hardest to smile. The ground was blanketed in snow and the church priest read out of his book and brought tears to Sango’s eyes, she still had a hard time believing that it all was real and that he was really gone for good. The small town came together as one giving their condolences to Miroku’s grandfather, he was the only family the boy had left and now the elderly man was all alone, exactly how Sango felt.
Kohaku had been there for her, holding her hand loyally throughout the entire service. He refused to leave her side for even a moment and for that she was grateful. Her brother wasn’t the only person she had to turn to if she needed a shoulder to cry on but he was her brother. She had been there for him when their mother died and in return he would be there for her. After the funeral was over and Miroku’s coffin was placed gently into the ground Sango left, she didn’t have the strength to linger around and tell stories about the past. If the other people didn’t understand it was their own ignorance, but Kagome, InuYasha, and Mushin would know why she left.
She cried that night and most of the following days after it and even though people around her moved on with their lives, she couldn’t. Sure she still went to work on occasion, but with the pay she soon figured out that it was impossible to afford her home. The foreclosure hadn’t been that bad, and her father allowed her to move back home with open arms. Rumors started flowing after that mess and as months passed they only seemed to grow larger.
People were wiling to spread rumors and gossip but none of them were open for the truth. Some believed that Miroku’s death had to deal with his broken relationship with Sango, other’s speculated that Sango herself killed the boy for cheating on her. Well only one girl in town believed that and I’ll give you two guesses, the first doesn’t count. Yes, it was the girl Miroku had an ‘affair’ with, if one could even call it that.
Of course no one dared to say it to her face because all it was, was trash talk plain and simple, however, Sango found herself believing some of the rumors that floated by her ears. Deep down Sango knew that his death was her fault, she had blood staining her hands red.
Kagome came over as often as she could to keep her closest friend company. There were nights that she spent the night and it was like middle and high school all over again, a blast from the past laced with tears of anger and sadness. Those nights were usually spent with hard liquor, cold ice cream, and constant supervision, by Kohaku that is. Hangovers were bad but after enough time of getting drunk off her ass, Sango’s body learned how to ignore the pain. That’s one of the reason’s she was fired from the diner, showing up drunk or sitting down halfway through delivering someone’s food only to space off and end up starting to eat it.
Yes, Life for Sango was great! She always wore either a frown or a sad look on her face and her father asked on a couple of occasions if the girl even knew how to smile anymore. The case wasn’t that, it was that there was no reason to smile anymore and in all honesty she was positive that she forgot how to. The nights that Sango wasn’t with someone, which was at least three to four times a week, she could be found at the nearest pub, drowning her pain with drink after drink or playing pool when she needed the cash to buy herself a nice glass of something when she ran out of money.
It happened more than occasionally that Kohaku came to the bar after a call of warning and practically dragged his plastered sister home only to hold back her hair as she vomited on either the street or in the toilet, which ever was closest. Once she had even been arrested for punching Koharu Taniguchi after a big argument broke out. That night Sango had been drier than the desert and she was out for blood.
It was safe to say that Koharu got everything she deserved in spades and Kagome swore that the broken nose and two black eyes looked good on the girl. All the drama that followed Koharui vanished when the cops broke up that little fiasco and harsh homicidal rumors that came with it also ceased. Sango had put the fear of god into all the women of the village, she meant business and was a force that couldn’t be reckoned with.
Ten months since Miroku’s funeral, that’s how much time has flown and Kohaku sat on his bed fiddling with his thumbs. He had plans to get Sango and go to the movie theaters together. It was monster flick week and she had asked if he wanted to go, she was always nice to him because she was his sister and he jumped at the idea completely willing to do that activity with her. It was always rare now a days for Sango wanting to go somewhere other than to a bar or to Miroku’s grave where she did nothing but cry and it was driving him crazy with guilt.
He had made up his mind earlier that day and he knew that he would have to confess to Sango what he had done. He couldn’t let it eat him alive and he felt that his sister had every right to know. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Kohaku stood and walked to his trunk and unlocked the pad lock. The obstacles seemed so easy but with each second it made his heart pound faster and the trembling of his fingers more apparent. Opening the trunk, the now nineteen year old moved some folders before grabbing the object which was one of the biggest sources of his guilt.
It was a tape, the one that belonged in Sango’s answering machine.
Gathering his bearings, he took a deep breath and got up leaving his bedroom. He had given up his mini-apartment so his sister could have some privacy and now he wondered if that had been a wise decision. Although he doubted a lot of his decisions now. Their father was having poker night with the other retired officers and others on the force who had the night off, they were over at Barney’s pub. It was the place to be if you were a cop or a retired ol’ fart as InuYasha often put it.
He slid open the arcadia door and closed it as he exited, he was walking the long path to where the judgment of his actions would stand trial. To say that Kohaku was scared fell short of what he really felt. He was sweating up a storm by the time he reached her door and knocking made him so jumpy that one unsuspecting movement would surely give the poor boy a heart attack. It wasn’t even five in the afternoon yet, but it was as though night already surrounded his entire body. Hot, cold and hot again, his nerves were a mess.
Hearing Sango’s voice made Kohaku want to turn and run, destroying the tape while he had the chance, but when the door opened and he was greeted by Sango’s soft smile his entire body froze in place. She was smiling? She was right? Or were his eyes deceiving him. Whether she had been or hadn’t Kohaku would never know because when he was jerked out of his little stupor, a worried frown marred his sister’s face once again. He wanted to run and something told him to but he stood stuck where he was.
“Kohaku what’s going on you’re scaring me!” She pulled him into her arms and held him close and the feeling only swelled ten fold.
When she pulled away Kohaku fought back the tears that stung at the back of his eyes, the tape in his hand digging into his skin. He didn’t want to tell her anymore, he was willing to hold onto his guilt, but the way she was looking at him, it hurt him so much on the inside that if he didn’t tell her now he would go crazy.
“Sango please don’t hate me,” the tears fell freely now and the confusion on her face made more fill his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
“What are you talking about?” There was fear in her words and his body trembled as he lifted his arm and stole her attention from his face to what was clutched in his hand.
She didn’t understand what he was saying and he knew that she wouldn’t, it had been too long and this would he the biggest hurt. Kohaku was reopening a wound that had only started to scab over. He walked into the house, her hand in his, he desperately needed to know that she was with him. The stereo was in the living room playing something soft and he regretted turning it off but he had to. Telling her to sit down he put in the tape and rewound it and pressing play he stepped away and bowed his head. He couldn’t look at her, not now.
“Kohaku what’s this about?” She asked curiously yet more worry and fear, the silence wasn’t welcomed, it was dreaded.
“Saturday, November seventh. Twelve-fifty three pm---” her blood ran cold and she stared at the stereo with he mouth open. “Hey Sango it’s me, Miroku…”
The message played out followed by the others and when it ended Kohaku thought that he would die. Sango sat on her couch, her face had gone more than a few shades paler and she stared at her brother like he had suddenly grown a head or four. She wanted to cry because she was so hurt, but all she could feel as the anger. Kohaku had betrayed her in the most personal of ways.
“H-how did you get this?” She wasn’t asking him it was an accusation and the interrogation had begun.
“I-” he didn’t want to tell her, she’d hate him he knew she would.
“HOW!” She screamed shrilly making Kohaku jump. “How could you do this to me Kohaku? You were sick! I-I was there, I took your temperature--your fever-”
He was near teas as he cowered under his sister. “After I took the tape, I went into dad’s fridge and ate some of the soup you make him and put some pin sol in it.”
“You made yourself sick?” His answer wasn’t possible, her brother, he would never do something like this, not her brother.
“I did it all for you!” Kohaku broke, “I hate him because he hurt so you bad. I hated him because you cried because of him! It was his fault that you were unhappy and miserable! All I wanted was for him to stop calling you so you could find someone better! Someone who deserved you! He wasn’t good enough!”
Sango’s hand shot out and danced across his cheek like a bolt of lightening and he could see her angry tears as she glared at him.
“But he was good enough!” She was screaming again, her hands tangled in her hair tugging at it madly. “I loved him Kohaku and I never stopped! I can’t believe that you did this! You didn’t understand anything! He was begging for forgiveness and you took it all away! I blamed myself for his death Kohaku! Me- I-I I wanna be alone.”
The one-sided argument ended there and Sango repeated herself pointing to the door. She wanted to be alone, she needed to think. She was angry, but the hurt of not knowing and the hurt of everything else was overwhelming. However, Kohaku didn’t move, he looked so lost silently crying as though if he made one move she would rip his head off and use it as a paperweight.
“I don’t hate you Kohaku,” she was answering his unasked questions in a softer, more soothing voice. “but right now I think you need to go. I need to be alone so I can think okay?”
He nodded almost sheepishly as he wiped his eyes on his arm. She had hoped that he would leave as quickly possible, but he came to her and hugged her desperately, holding her closer than he had done when their mom died. She returned it, but it was a little empty, something inside of her had died, but she held her brother like he did, reassuring him that she still loved him like she said.
“I’m sorry Sango,” he choked almost brokenly. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“It’s okay Kohaku, I know,” she patted his back for a moment before pulling away, he needed to go.
And he did, the moment she heard the door close, Sango’s legs gave out and she collapsed on the ground. Everything had settled in her mind and she didn’t know if she could have held herself together if her brother tried to stay. Her tears fell with out hesitation and she grabbed a cushion that had fallen to the floor during the argument. Putting it over her face she screamed all of her anguish and her pain, her heart had broken again and she couldn’t take it.
Sango locked herself up in that mini-apartment and listened to that message over and over again, each time believing it wasn’t true. She had missed out on the only chance she had to talk with Miroku, she had missed it without even knowing that she had it. It was true that she could have took him up on his offer before, but the message he had left, it was the most important one and she never received it. The chance of happiness that may have been was torn from her like a fish’s body in the jaws of a blood-thirsty shark.
There was guilt in her heart and it ached to the point she thought it would burst from her chest and bleed, breaking into a million pieces. InuYasha and a few other officers were the ones who finally broke through one of the boarded and barricaded windows and brought Sango out into the light. Everyone had been worried, Kagome was near tears trying to comfort Kohaku, who decided to live with Sota five blocks or so down the road. He wasn’t saying what happened, but they had guessed that it was bad if Sango’s and Kohaku’s father checked himself into a retirement home claiming that his family was falling apart at the seams.
Of course their father wasn’t planning on staying, no one thought that he was that cold hearted, he just needed to get away for the weekend. All three of them did. Kohaku came back too a little while later but Sango, she acted as if she was on a permanent vacation, she had lost everything when Miroku died, she had nothing left to give anyone. She didn’t’ have anything left to hold onto.. It was apparent to everyone who knew her, but they all were unwilling to admit it, they didn’t want it to become a reality.
The snow had come early, late October early November and the town was covered in white. Sango closed the car door pulling her light jacket close to her chest. It may have been near freezing outside, but it didn’t matter she wouldn’t be there long. She weaved her way through the headstones knowing the direction to her destination by heart.
A sad smile pursed her lips as she sat down in the snow next to Miroku’s tombstone and gently brushed away the excess white. Her eyes traveled over the engraved words and the medium sized framed picture of him smiling. She remembered the day it was taken but refused to dwell on it, no more tears. It was what she kept telling herself, just no more tears. Her breath came out in puffs of white air and her fingers were pink with coldness but she wasn’t done there yet.
“You know that I loved you,” she wanted to hear his voice as she sniffled tiredly. “Everyday you told me that I did but was only trying to deny it. Miroku I thought that you knew me better than anyone else because you did, but I died that day InuYasha came to the diner. I had a bad feeling and when I found out, I-I don’t even know how I made it out of that diner alive-or how I’ve made it a whole year later. They say that time heals all wounds and to a point it does, but the one in my heart, it won’t go away. ‘
“I know it won’t because life without you isn’t one at all and I found this out way too late. Why couldn’t you have held on just a little longer for me Miroku? I called you know, I wanted to see you, for you to hold me close. I wanted you to give me a chance to apologize for being stupid and not listening to you in the first place. I missed you so bad that it tore my heart and it still does because I still miss you.”
She couldn’t hold back her tears and she pulled his picture to her chest and held him closer than she had before. She hadn’t come to pay her respects and move on because she couldn’t. Her love for Miroku was too painful to simply accept it would never be real again and move on. She wasn’t that type of person, when Sango loved someone, she loved them with all her heart, putting her very soul out on a limb for a chance at true happiness.
“It’s too late to say I’m sorry,” she continued not bothering to wipe away the water from her face. “If I had gotten the message you left me like I was supposed to you would be here with me and we’d be making up the time lost and-and I’d be wearing your promise ring as an engagement ring. You always wanted a family of your own and I took that away from you. I took a lot from you and I know that! Oh god if I could I’d take it all back just to be able to have you near me again. I made an awful mistake Miroku and I gotta confess. I let the man of my life, my everything go without even a fight, without lifting a finger to help him and I deserved to be torn to pieces for my sins. “
Letting out a deep breath Sango laughed a little, she felt absolutely ridiculous but she needed to get everything out of her system. She didn’t want anything on her mind, no emotional baggage to hold onto when she finished.
“I guess I came here to say that it was never your fault, or anyone else’s but my own and I need forgiveness. I need your forgiveness because without you I am nothing. I love you so much Miroku. I’m sorry.”
Her hand went into her coat and fingers met cold steel. It was her father’s revolver. She had rummaged through his old things after he and Kohaku left for the doctor’s appointment she made, they wouldn’t know it was missing until a while after they returned home and by then it would be no use. The gun itself was a little heavy for her taste, but it would have to do because it was the only thing she could think of.
“I want to tell you something that nobody knows but me,” the round barrel touched her temple, she didn’t want anyone to know but figured that he should, it was his too. “I was afraid the day I found out about you and Koharu, your one time accident and I didn’t say anything for a few months until throwing you out. You see, I’m even more screwed up-I killed our child Miroku.’
“One day it was there and then the next it was simply gone. The doctor said that miscarriages happen all the time but we were strong. I was supposed to be strong for what I was going to have but I wasn’t. I wasn’t strong enough to keep either of you alive and cowardly I’m not strong enough for myself. Miroku you deserved so much better in life and I’m thankful that you decided to love me. I do love you Miroku, I love you so much and I’m sorry for all the heartache and pain that I’ve caused. It was never my intention.”
Closing her eyes Sango smiled a real smile, her heart felt light and the warmth that surrounded her was like Miroku giving her one last loving hug. It was all she needed. In her mind she remembered her first kiss out on that old bridge and she let go of everything and she squeezed the trigger. She was free from her heartache and all of her pain.
-Fin-
E/N: Okay so I can officially say that I didn't like this ending at all. I don't know why I wrote it but that's just what the hand-to-pen came out with on paper. I can say that it wasn't my best work, but I coudln't find myself to end it any other way. Meh, Flame if it's really that bad. I've been really sick the last couple of day and my voice hasn't fully returned yet but I'm working on it. Hoping to have more chapters to my stories posted sometime during these next two weeks since I'm out on vacation. There's a definite that I will just hoping that I finish more.
Thanks and please leave a review!
-Krystal-
Hey there! This is a THREE part STORY! This is NOT a story for people looking for a happy ending. ANGST IS NEAR!
Updated: 12-21-05
Pairings: Miroku/Sango
Rating: Pg-13 maybe R I dunno.
Too late to say sorry.
By Miztikal-Dragon
Part Three
The funeral had been beautiful, flowers were everywhere and there was sad laughter. Miroku had never wanted people to be sad and cry because of him so in his memory everyone who attended tried their hardest to smile. The ground was blanketed in snow and the church priest read out of his book and brought tears to Sango’s eyes, she still had a hard time believing that it all was real and that he was really gone for good. The small town came together as one giving their condolences to Miroku’s grandfather, he was the only family the boy had left and now the elderly man was all alone, exactly how Sango felt.
Kohaku had been there for her, holding her hand loyally throughout the entire service. He refused to leave her side for even a moment and for that she was grateful. Her brother wasn’t the only person she had to turn to if she needed a shoulder to cry on but he was her brother. She had been there for him when their mother died and in return he would be there for her. After the funeral was over and Miroku’s coffin was placed gently into the ground Sango left, she didn’t have the strength to linger around and tell stories about the past. If the other people didn’t understand it was their own ignorance, but Kagome, InuYasha, and Mushin would know why she left.
She cried that night and most of the following days after it and even though people around her moved on with their lives, she couldn’t. Sure she still went to work on occasion, but with the pay she soon figured out that it was impossible to afford her home. The foreclosure hadn’t been that bad, and her father allowed her to move back home with open arms. Rumors started flowing after that mess and as months passed they only seemed to grow larger.
People were wiling to spread rumors and gossip but none of them were open for the truth. Some believed that Miroku’s death had to deal with his broken relationship with Sango, other’s speculated that Sango herself killed the boy for cheating on her. Well only one girl in town believed that and I’ll give you two guesses, the first doesn’t count. Yes, it was the girl Miroku had an ‘affair’ with, if one could even call it that.
Of course no one dared to say it to her face because all it was, was trash talk plain and simple, however, Sango found herself believing some of the rumors that floated by her ears. Deep down Sango knew that his death was her fault, she had blood staining her hands red.
Kagome came over as often as she could to keep her closest friend company. There were nights that she spent the night and it was like middle and high school all over again, a blast from the past laced with tears of anger and sadness. Those nights were usually spent with hard liquor, cold ice cream, and constant supervision, by Kohaku that is. Hangovers were bad but after enough time of getting drunk off her ass, Sango’s body learned how to ignore the pain. That’s one of the reason’s she was fired from the diner, showing up drunk or sitting down halfway through delivering someone’s food only to space off and end up starting to eat it.
Yes, Life for Sango was great! She always wore either a frown or a sad look on her face and her father asked on a couple of occasions if the girl even knew how to smile anymore. The case wasn’t that, it was that there was no reason to smile anymore and in all honesty she was positive that she forgot how to. The nights that Sango wasn’t with someone, which was at least three to four times a week, she could be found at the nearest pub, drowning her pain with drink after drink or playing pool when she needed the cash to buy herself a nice glass of something when she ran out of money.
It happened more than occasionally that Kohaku came to the bar after a call of warning and practically dragged his plastered sister home only to hold back her hair as she vomited on either the street or in the toilet, which ever was closest. Once she had even been arrested for punching Koharu Taniguchi after a big argument broke out. That night Sango had been drier than the desert and she was out for blood.
It was safe to say that Koharu got everything she deserved in spades and Kagome swore that the broken nose and two black eyes looked good on the girl. All the drama that followed Koharui vanished when the cops broke up that little fiasco and harsh homicidal rumors that came with it also ceased. Sango had put the fear of god into all the women of the village, she meant business and was a force that couldn’t be reckoned with.
Ten months since Miroku’s funeral, that’s how much time has flown and Kohaku sat on his bed fiddling with his thumbs. He had plans to get Sango and go to the movie theaters together. It was monster flick week and she had asked if he wanted to go, she was always nice to him because she was his sister and he jumped at the idea completely willing to do that activity with her. It was always rare now a days for Sango wanting to go somewhere other than to a bar or to Miroku’s grave where she did nothing but cry and it was driving him crazy with guilt.
He had made up his mind earlier that day and he knew that he would have to confess to Sango what he had done. He couldn’t let it eat him alive and he felt that his sister had every right to know. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Kohaku stood and walked to his trunk and unlocked the pad lock. The obstacles seemed so easy but with each second it made his heart pound faster and the trembling of his fingers more apparent. Opening the trunk, the now nineteen year old moved some folders before grabbing the object which was one of the biggest sources of his guilt.
It was a tape, the one that belonged in Sango’s answering machine.
Gathering his bearings, he took a deep breath and got up leaving his bedroom. He had given up his mini-apartment so his sister could have some privacy and now he wondered if that had been a wise decision. Although he doubted a lot of his decisions now. Their father was having poker night with the other retired officers and others on the force who had the night off, they were over at Barney’s pub. It was the place to be if you were a cop or a retired ol’ fart as InuYasha often put it.
He slid open the arcadia door and closed it as he exited, he was walking the long path to where the judgment of his actions would stand trial. To say that Kohaku was scared fell short of what he really felt. He was sweating up a storm by the time he reached her door and knocking made him so jumpy that one unsuspecting movement would surely give the poor boy a heart attack. It wasn’t even five in the afternoon yet, but it was as though night already surrounded his entire body. Hot, cold and hot again, his nerves were a mess.
Hearing Sango’s voice made Kohaku want to turn and run, destroying the tape while he had the chance, but when the door opened and he was greeted by Sango’s soft smile his entire body froze in place. She was smiling? She was right? Or were his eyes deceiving him. Whether she had been or hadn’t Kohaku would never know because when he was jerked out of his little stupor, a worried frown marred his sister’s face once again. He wanted to run and something told him to but he stood stuck where he was.
“Kohaku what’s going on you’re scaring me!” She pulled him into her arms and held him close and the feeling only swelled ten fold.
When she pulled away Kohaku fought back the tears that stung at the back of his eyes, the tape in his hand digging into his skin. He didn’t want to tell her anymore, he was willing to hold onto his guilt, but the way she was looking at him, it hurt him so much on the inside that if he didn’t tell her now he would go crazy.
“Sango please don’t hate me,” the tears fell freely now and the confusion on her face made more fill his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
“What are you talking about?” There was fear in her words and his body trembled as he lifted his arm and stole her attention from his face to what was clutched in his hand.
She didn’t understand what he was saying and he knew that she wouldn’t, it had been too long and this would he the biggest hurt. Kohaku was reopening a wound that had only started to scab over. He walked into the house, her hand in his, he desperately needed to know that she was with him. The stereo was in the living room playing something soft and he regretted turning it off but he had to. Telling her to sit down he put in the tape and rewound it and pressing play he stepped away and bowed his head. He couldn’t look at her, not now.
“Kohaku what’s this about?” She asked curiously yet more worry and fear, the silence wasn’t welcomed, it was dreaded.
“Saturday, November seventh. Twelve-fifty three pm---” her blood ran cold and she stared at the stereo with he mouth open. “Hey Sango it’s me, Miroku…”
The message played out followed by the others and when it ended Kohaku thought that he would die. Sango sat on her couch, her face had gone more than a few shades paler and she stared at her brother like he had suddenly grown a head or four. She wanted to cry because she was so hurt, but all she could feel as the anger. Kohaku had betrayed her in the most personal of ways.
“H-how did you get this?” She wasn’t asking him it was an accusation and the interrogation had begun.
“I-” he didn’t want to tell her, she’d hate him he knew she would.
“HOW!” She screamed shrilly making Kohaku jump. “How could you do this to me Kohaku? You were sick! I-I was there, I took your temperature--your fever-”
He was near teas as he cowered under his sister. “After I took the tape, I went into dad’s fridge and ate some of the soup you make him and put some pin sol in it.”
“You made yourself sick?” His answer wasn’t possible, her brother, he would never do something like this, not her brother.
“I did it all for you!” Kohaku broke, “I hate him because he hurt so you bad. I hated him because you cried because of him! It was his fault that you were unhappy and miserable! All I wanted was for him to stop calling you so you could find someone better! Someone who deserved you! He wasn’t good enough!”
Sango’s hand shot out and danced across his cheek like a bolt of lightening and he could see her angry tears as she glared at him.
“But he was good enough!” She was screaming again, her hands tangled in her hair tugging at it madly. “I loved him Kohaku and I never stopped! I can’t believe that you did this! You didn’t understand anything! He was begging for forgiveness and you took it all away! I blamed myself for his death Kohaku! Me- I-I I wanna be alone.”
The one-sided argument ended there and Sango repeated herself pointing to the door. She wanted to be alone, she needed to think. She was angry, but the hurt of not knowing and the hurt of everything else was overwhelming. However, Kohaku didn’t move, he looked so lost silently crying as though if he made one move she would rip his head off and use it as a paperweight.
“I don’t hate you Kohaku,” she was answering his unasked questions in a softer, more soothing voice. “but right now I think you need to go. I need to be alone so I can think okay?”
He nodded almost sheepishly as he wiped his eyes on his arm. She had hoped that he would leave as quickly possible, but he came to her and hugged her desperately, holding her closer than he had done when their mom died. She returned it, but it was a little empty, something inside of her had died, but she held her brother like he did, reassuring him that she still loved him like she said.
“I’m sorry Sango,” he choked almost brokenly. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“It’s okay Kohaku, I know,” she patted his back for a moment before pulling away, he needed to go.
And he did, the moment she heard the door close, Sango’s legs gave out and she collapsed on the ground. Everything had settled in her mind and she didn’t know if she could have held herself together if her brother tried to stay. Her tears fell with out hesitation and she grabbed a cushion that had fallen to the floor during the argument. Putting it over her face she screamed all of her anguish and her pain, her heart had broken again and she couldn’t take it.
Sango locked herself up in that mini-apartment and listened to that message over and over again, each time believing it wasn’t true. She had missed out on the only chance she had to talk with Miroku, she had missed it without even knowing that she had it. It was true that she could have took him up on his offer before, but the message he had left, it was the most important one and she never received it. The chance of happiness that may have been was torn from her like a fish’s body in the jaws of a blood-thirsty shark.
There was guilt in her heart and it ached to the point she thought it would burst from her chest and bleed, breaking into a million pieces. InuYasha and a few other officers were the ones who finally broke through one of the boarded and barricaded windows and brought Sango out into the light. Everyone had been worried, Kagome was near tears trying to comfort Kohaku, who decided to live with Sota five blocks or so down the road. He wasn’t saying what happened, but they had guessed that it was bad if Sango’s and Kohaku’s father checked himself into a retirement home claiming that his family was falling apart at the seams.
Of course their father wasn’t planning on staying, no one thought that he was that cold hearted, he just needed to get away for the weekend. All three of them did. Kohaku came back too a little while later but Sango, she acted as if she was on a permanent vacation, she had lost everything when Miroku died, she had nothing left to give anyone. She didn’t’ have anything left to hold onto.. It was apparent to everyone who knew her, but they all were unwilling to admit it, they didn’t want it to become a reality.
The snow had come early, late October early November and the town was covered in white. Sango closed the car door pulling her light jacket close to her chest. It may have been near freezing outside, but it didn’t matter she wouldn’t be there long. She weaved her way through the headstones knowing the direction to her destination by heart.
A sad smile pursed her lips as she sat down in the snow next to Miroku’s tombstone and gently brushed away the excess white. Her eyes traveled over the engraved words and the medium sized framed picture of him smiling. She remembered the day it was taken but refused to dwell on it, no more tears. It was what she kept telling herself, just no more tears. Her breath came out in puffs of white air and her fingers were pink with coldness but she wasn’t done there yet.
“You know that I loved you,” she wanted to hear his voice as she sniffled tiredly. “Everyday you told me that I did but was only trying to deny it. Miroku I thought that you knew me better than anyone else because you did, but I died that day InuYasha came to the diner. I had a bad feeling and when I found out, I-I don’t even know how I made it out of that diner alive-or how I’ve made it a whole year later. They say that time heals all wounds and to a point it does, but the one in my heart, it won’t go away. ‘
“I know it won’t because life without you isn’t one at all and I found this out way too late. Why couldn’t you have held on just a little longer for me Miroku? I called you know, I wanted to see you, for you to hold me close. I wanted you to give me a chance to apologize for being stupid and not listening to you in the first place. I missed you so bad that it tore my heart and it still does because I still miss you.”
She couldn’t hold back her tears and she pulled his picture to her chest and held him closer than she had before. She hadn’t come to pay her respects and move on because she couldn’t. Her love for Miroku was too painful to simply accept it would never be real again and move on. She wasn’t that type of person, when Sango loved someone, she loved them with all her heart, putting her very soul out on a limb for a chance at true happiness.
“It’s too late to say I’m sorry,” she continued not bothering to wipe away the water from her face. “If I had gotten the message you left me like I was supposed to you would be here with me and we’d be making up the time lost and-and I’d be wearing your promise ring as an engagement ring. You always wanted a family of your own and I took that away from you. I took a lot from you and I know that! Oh god if I could I’d take it all back just to be able to have you near me again. I made an awful mistake Miroku and I gotta confess. I let the man of my life, my everything go without even a fight, without lifting a finger to help him and I deserved to be torn to pieces for my sins. “
Letting out a deep breath Sango laughed a little, she felt absolutely ridiculous but she needed to get everything out of her system. She didn’t want anything on her mind, no emotional baggage to hold onto when she finished.
“I guess I came here to say that it was never your fault, or anyone else’s but my own and I need forgiveness. I need your forgiveness because without you I am nothing. I love you so much Miroku. I’m sorry.”
Her hand went into her coat and fingers met cold steel. It was her father’s revolver. She had rummaged through his old things after he and Kohaku left for the doctor’s appointment she made, they wouldn’t know it was missing until a while after they returned home and by then it would be no use. The gun itself was a little heavy for her taste, but it would have to do because it was the only thing she could think of.
“I want to tell you something that nobody knows but me,” the round barrel touched her temple, she didn’t want anyone to know but figured that he should, it was his too. “I was afraid the day I found out about you and Koharu, your one time accident and I didn’t say anything for a few months until throwing you out. You see, I’m even more screwed up-I killed our child Miroku.’
“One day it was there and then the next it was simply gone. The doctor said that miscarriages happen all the time but we were strong. I was supposed to be strong for what I was going to have but I wasn’t. I wasn’t strong enough to keep either of you alive and cowardly I’m not strong enough for myself. Miroku you deserved so much better in life and I’m thankful that you decided to love me. I do love you Miroku, I love you so much and I’m sorry for all the heartache and pain that I’ve caused. It was never my intention.”
Closing her eyes Sango smiled a real smile, her heart felt light and the warmth that surrounded her was like Miroku giving her one last loving hug. It was all she needed. In her mind she remembered her first kiss out on that old bridge and she let go of everything and she squeezed the trigger. She was free from her heartache and all of her pain.
-Fin-
E/N: Okay so I can officially say that I didn't like this ending at all. I don't know why I wrote it but that's just what the hand-to-pen came out with on paper. I can say that it wasn't my best work, but I coudln't find myself to end it any other way. Meh, Flame if it's really that bad. I've been really sick the last couple of day and my voice hasn't fully returned yet but I'm working on it. Hoping to have more chapters to my stories posted sometime during these next two weeks since I'm out on vacation. There's a definite that I will just hoping that I finish more.
Thanks and please leave a review!
-Krystal-