InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Torn ❯ Giving In ( Chapter 13 )

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Chapter 13

 

 

Giving In

 

 

 

Something tickled, but not in a bad way. In fact, it was quite pleasant. Had it not felt so good, Inuyasha would have thought that a bug was attacking his ear. He was a bit disappointed when the sensation ceased. Unfortunately, tonight his dreams had been filled with Sesshoumaru touching him and loving him. It had to be Sesshoumaru messing with his ear. The scent wafting through his dream was too telling. Still, it felt so good that he never wanted it to end.

 

In a world of his own making, Sesshoumaru could not hurt him. However, when he felt the wet heat at his groin, the sensations became much too real. Deciding to avoid alerting Sesshoumaru to his wakening state, Inuyasha cracked his eyes open and realized that the campfire had disappeared, only to be replaced with warm steam that clouded the starlit heavens. Obviously, the mist was coming from a hot spring.

 

When wet heat engulfed him, he couldn't help but groan and dig his claws into the blanket beneath him. `How could he take advantage of me like this? It's just wrong. He knows I don't want him touching me, knows that I hate him.'

 

Of course, he didn't hate Sesshoumaru, but that thought was all that kept him from falling straight into Sesshoumaru's arms. Inuyasha had completely forgotten about the kisses he had stolen while Sesshoumaru had been unconscious. He had forgotten about the caresses with which he had branded Sesshoumaru while he had believed that his brother was sleeping. He was just as guilty as Sesshoumaru was now.

 

Then, he remembered; the betrayal. The memories of his initial attack on Kouga while the anger toward Sesshoumaru had surged through him crashed into his mind and body as though a dam had broken. Sesshoumaru was a traitor who hated him, insulted him for being a hanyou, and attempted to kill him on numerous occasions. And now, the great Lord deigned himself worthy to take him while he slept!? `Unbelievable!' The bastard had shredded his very heart and soul, taking everything from him.

 

There was no excuse for Sesshoumaru's behavior, none whatsoever. `How can he touch me like this!?' Did his brother want to completely and utterly destroy him? `No! I will not, cannot allow that to happen!' The deep well of pain and anger washed over him in a scalding wave while whispering that he was in danger of losing everything again, even his very life, whether by Sesshoumaru's hand or by his own. It didn't matter which. He would never sink into despair of that magnitude ever again. But what could he do? He was in a vulnerable position and Sesshoumaru was much too strong for him.

 

`Danger!' screamed his mind, heart and soul. `Danger!'

 

The beast within him clawed desperately to break free and attack the threat. Still, in the very back of his mind, where his oldest memories lay and where the innocence had not yet been lost, that thing that permeated the entirety of his being, he remembered.

 

'Just say it, Sessy. Don't you love me too?'

 

That, and only that, just barely kept the beast from completely breaking free when he glanced down to see Sesshoumaru violating his body. He didn't even try to reign in the growl of warning.

 

`Not allowed!' the beast howled.

 

There was no thought as he grabbed Sesshoumaru's hair and yanked the offender from his body, throwing Sesshoumaru to the ground beside him. Inuyasha wasted no time, and with a feral growl, pounced on his brother. It was disappointing when the creature beneath him did not fight. It just gazed at him as though waiting. This didn't make any sense at all. It should be fighting for its life!

 

`Should I fight against Inuyasha he will continue to feel threatened and will advance in his transformation to the point where he is beyond my reach. Then there will be no reasoning with him. If I can convince his youkai that I mean no harm, perhaps it will be easier for his human half to accept me,' thought Sesshoumaru, though it did prick him to the core that he was allowing Inuyasha to dominate him.

 

Sesshoumaru didn't struggle. Not out of fear, but because he knew that Inuyasha needed something from him, and violence wasn't it. Inuyasha had every right to feel violated and this response, though unexpected, was justifiable. While in his full demon state, the hanyou rarely lost his mind completely, and Sesshoumaru was certain that he could reason with the demon. Of course, miscalculating could have detrimental effects, getting killed being one of those particulars. Nevertheless, he understood that his brother may need to express his pain as a form of angry vengeance. It was acceptable, and perhaps, warranted. At least, in Inuyasha's mind. In the hopes that it would bridge the gap between them, Sesshoumaru would give his brother what he could.

 

After a few moments of his claws digging into his brother's neck, Inuyasha loosened his grip. He was not being threatened. Why? It was suspicious enough that Inuyasha's beast was not about to remove his grip on his brother's throat, nor remove his claws from Sesshoumaru's ribs. He had to find out why though, find out if there really was a threat before he rent the creature's throat to shreds. It would be easy enough. He definitely had the upper hand. At least, that's what he believed.

 

“Traitor,” he growled out.

 

“No.” The reply was soft, not combative in the least.

 

“You hurt me.”

 

“No.” Again, the same softness.

 

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes as the blue irises began to shrink, his beast gaining ground.

 

“Liar!”

 

The next answer confused him.

 

“Kohaku.”

 

“Kohaku?”

 

“He hurt his sister, the slayer. Was that his wish?”

 

Inuyasha furrowed his brow as he searched the memories that were fading under his beast's influence.

 

“Kohuku. Naraku's puppet. Jewel shard.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You no shard!”

 

“No, Naraku's poison.”

 

Finally the betrayer explained.

 

“You saved my life. I would never have harmed you, never, little brother.” The voice became even softer.

 

Inuyasha's lips thinned into a tight line.

 

“You hate hanyou brother,” he growled.

 

“No.”

 

“You want sword! Kill me for sword!”

 

“No.”

 

“You lie!”

 

“No,” the betrayer whispered.

 

That couldn't be true. He was lying. Inuyasha tightened his grip then flinched when his brother's hand lifted to trace the jagged stripes on his demon cheeks. The claws in Sesshoumaru's side dug deeper in warning as Inuyasha took his hand from Sesshoumaru's neck and pinned the offending arm to the ground.

 

“Sessy says it. I say it. I love you, little brother,” the creature murmured.

 

Perhaps this was what Inuyasha needed to hear most, and even though it was just as difficult to voice those words as it had been before, Sesshoumaru knew that it needed to be done. He meant them, but the words were so often abused that they always felt like lies to him. However, he would learn to use those words without hating them, for Inuyasha's sake.

 

Inuyasha's grip loosened and the claws retreated from Sesshoumaru's ribs, but only for a moment.

 

“Poison!”

 

“No.”

 

“Liar!”

 

“Smell me, Inuyasha. You will know,” Sesshoumaru invited, turning his head to the side.

 

Now, things were going to get truly dangerous. By baring his throat to Inuyasha, he was risking having it torn out. Had Inuyasha truly wanted to kill him, he would have already made the attempt. Right now, all Inuyasha needed was reassurance that he was in no danger. It would cost Sesshoumaru nothing to give him that, except a small, disposable amount of his dignity. As no one was there to see, this one time would be too insignificant to dwell upon.

 

In his demon state, Inuyasha's sense of smell was more pronounced, and he knew that if Sesshoumaru were still infected, he would smell it. He knew that the scent of poison had to be there. This was no different than the last time. The real Sesshoumaru would never be so kind with him, would never say that he loved him. And to prove it, Inuyasha's beast leaned forward and sniffed behind Sesshoumaru's left ear. Surprisingly, there was no sign of the poison, so he continued, sniffing Sesshoumaru's neck, his nose and lips, and finally under Sesshoumaru's arms where the scents were more pronounced.

 

Nothing, absolutely...nothing.

 

Inuyasha rose up and furrowed his brow. “No poison...” He was quiet for a moment, confused and uncertain. His pupils dilated as he beast began to feel less threatened. Crimson faded as Inuyasha gave Sesshoumaru a determined stare.

 

“Say it again! Now!” Inuyasha growled from low in his belly.

 

There was no doubt in Sesshoumaru's mind exactly what Inuyasha was referring to.

 

“I love you. Sessy loves you,” he murmured, still with an uncharacteristic softness.

 

In Inuyasha's eyes, blue flickered to black and crimson faded to gold while his beast gradually receded. Fisting his hands at his temples, Inuyasha clenched his teeth and threw his head back, a high keening just barely escaping from his constricted throat while the despair, longing, and dread took hold as the threshold of dreams fulfilled crumbled and those emotions gathered themselves in full force and pushed their way to the surface. The high-pitched keening filled the secluded area with his aching sorrow, his pain echoing in the hollow of the night, the scent of tears permeating the air.

 

Once his lungs were depleted of oxygen, and the heartrending sound had dissipated, Inuyasha dropped his head and arms, only to encounter Sesshoumaru's shoulders.

 

“Say it again,” Inuyasha whimpered, his beast having fully retreated.

 

“Again, Sessy,” Inuyasha whispered his plea from the deepest depths of his very soul as he rested his cheek on Sesshoumaru's shoulder.

 

“I love you, Inuyasha,” Sesshoumaru murmured, and with a finger under Inuyasha's chin, tipped his face upward.

 

Concern was clearly written on the face that had always kept any emotion well hidden beneath an uncaring facade. Voicing those words had been easier this time. Perhaps, he could become comfortable with speaking them.

 

Those words were what Inuyasha had wanted, needed, and longed to hear. But could he trust the words? Oh, how he wanted to! Could he give Sesshoumaru the benefit of the doubt? If it didn't work out, would Kouga be there to help him pick up the pieces? Somehow, he knew that Kouga had become a loyal friend that wouldn't desert him, regardless of the situation. The only problem was that Kouga had betrayed him, too. Why did it seem that everyone had, at some point in time, betrayed him in some form or fashion? Was he expecting too much of everyone? Would friends always see things from his point of view, to such an extent that their actions would always be what he expected of them? Was he making the wrong choice in friends? Was there something wrong with him?

 

So deep in thought was he that he hadn't noticed Sesshoumaru caressing his back or threading long fingers through his hair, not until Sesshoumaru began to massage the base of his left ear.

 

“Tell me that you mean it, that you won't hurt me again. Make me believe it, Sesshoumaru,” Inuyasha whispered as he closed his eyes and leaned in to Sesshoumaru's fingers.

 

“I cannot force you to believe that my words are true, Inuyasha. You must determine whether or not to have faith in me,” Sesshoumaru replied solemnly.

 

“You can't prove it, but you want me to trust you?”

 

“It is your only option, little brother,” Sesshoumaru murmured while restraining the urge to ask that Inuyasha simply trust him. It would be fruitless. Inuyasha had to make up his own mind. Only Sesshoumaru's action, or inaction, would make the difference. Right now, there was only one thing he could do. He pushed Inuyasha from his shoulder and reached out to trail the line of Inuyasha's lips with his thumb. He watched as the plump flesh quivered beneath his touch. Even Inuyasha's ears seemed to slightly quivering.

 

“I am here now. Tell me what to do, little brother. What do you need?”

 

Inuyasha sighed, and without thought, ran his hand over Sesshoumaru's chest.

 

“I need...”

 

There was a long moment of silence.

 

“...you,” he whispered with a slight tremor of uncertainty in his voice. In the back of Inuyasha's mind, a little voice was asking, `Why would he care what I need? Are you really sure that this is Sesshoumaru and not some imposter?'

 

But he chose not to listen. Scent didn't lie.

 

Inuyasha didn't want to say it, to expose his vulnerability, to make it real. But this conflict within him had to end. The time to face his fear would come eventually. It would be better to do it now, outside the presence of the others. He wouldn't have to worry about embarrassing and humiliating himself in front of witnesses. And it didn't really matter one way or another how Sesshoumaru felt about his behavior. As it was, he was already taking a bigger risk.

 

“I am here,” Sesshoumaru replied, pointing out the obvious, but the words holding a much deeper meaning.

 

“Yes...how long? For how long, Sesshoumaru?” Inuyasha asked, searching Sesshoumaru's amber orbs for any sign of a lie.

 

“As long as you need me.” Sesshoumaru's eyes spoke truth, but it wasn't enough.

 

“Forever?”

 

“Forever.”

 

Still truth.

 

“You really mean it?”

 

“Yes.”

 

There just weren't enough promises in the world to reassure Inuyasha right now. Would there ever be enough? He didn't know. Sesshoumaru was right. It was up to him to decide whether or not to have faith in his brother, his one time lover. And, there was only one way to find out the truth; give Sesshoumaru the chance to undo what had been done, the opportunity to prove himself. Inuyasha could not run forever with his thoughts plagued with what might have been had he had the courage to take that step toward reconciliation. There was no denying this necessary obligation to himself and to Sesshoumaru. Besides, he was unsure where his life would take him were he to be without the one that had become the water to his thirst, the light in his darkness, the conqueror of his heart.

 

“Come to me, Inuyasha,” Sesshoumaru murmured, slipping his hand beneath Inuyasha's hair, around the back of his neck, and giving a slight tug.

 

Inuyasha took a deep breath, and with it, the plunge, wondering at what point he would run...or drown.

 

 

 

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Disclaimer

 

Inuyasha and all associated characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Yomiuri TV, Sunrise, and Viz. I do not own Inuyasha and make no profit from this story, nor do I intend to. My only goal is to occupy my demented mind with delusions of actually owning a life-sized, anatomically correct Sesshoumaru android to use and abuse at will.

 

 

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