InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ True Companion ❯ Journey ( Chapter 9 )

Disclaimer: ::taps foot impatiently:: "Listen, Sessy-sama, you can’t have InuYasha."

"I don’t care about all of Inu, I just want my namesake!"

"But Sesshoumaru is part of InuYasha and you can’t have that."

"But I want!" ::whines and throws tantrum::

Oh, I use the term ‘hime’ in this chp, it means princess or woman of noble birth.

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Rin slowly stood, finding her body incredibly stiff, but compared to everything she had been through a little stiffness was nothing. She looked around the room attempting to figure out what had transpired before she succumbed to whatever it was that took control of her. It was a small, one room hut containing nothing more than a futon, some tools for grinding and mixing herbs, and a fireplace.

This is Jinenji’s hut. I remember it from when I came to help Jaken-sama. Was I left here? Where is Sesshoumaru? I must find Sesshoumaru.

She pushed away the thin cloth separating the hut from the outside world and stepped out to survey the land. A field of herbs grew just outside the hut and by the sun’s position it looked to be past mid-day. No one was in sight though, not Sesshoumaru, not Jaken, not even Jinenji. A wave of grief hit Rin fiercer than any force in her nightmare, and she fell to her knees as it filled her.

Where is everyone? Where is anyone! I need to find Sesshoumaru.

If I wait here Jinenji will eventually return. He may be able to tell me where Sesshoumaru went.

I can’t wait! I need to find him now! Just go!

Rin’s body obeyed the orders given by the emotions not caring that reason was a better course. The only thing she understood was that the suffering needed to end, for everyone. She pulled herself off the ground and tried to decide which way to go. Drawing in a deep breath, Rin closed her eyes. The sound of her heart echoed in her ears and as it slowed its beating pulse by pulse, Rin prayed.

Sesshoumaru, how am I supposed to find you? I need to be with you. I need to end the pain you are in. Where are you?

Suddenly, between the poundings of her heart Rin heard another beat. She grabbed her chest and released the air in her lungs. It had pulsed as if it were her own, yet so different Rin knew it could never be a part of her. Everything seemed to change with that one foreign strike, which she knew so well; Rin looked to the south knowing he had gone there. No reason could justify it, no logic could explain it, she simply knew.

Without hesitation Rin began running. It amazed her how quick and strong her body was when no wounds diminished its power. She ran on for hours, not stopping even to rest, and the sun was beginning its decent beneath the horizon when Rin came upon a small village. She slowed just so she wouldn’t run into people as she made her way through the street.

As soon as she entered the village she could hear people whispering and staring at her, which only increased as she began asking person after person if they had seen a silver-haired dog demon pass the area. Several of the men began eyeing the blood-stained mark on her neck, some with contempt, others with lust. As she continued through the village she approached a middle-aged man holding the reigns to a black stallion.

"Excuse me, please, have you seen a demon pass this area in the last day or so? A dog demon, with silver hair and makings on his face?"

The man examined her blue silken robes embedded with gold embroidery and then at the dried blood covering the mark. "Listen, why don’t you just get out while you can. We don’t want a demon’s whore in our village. Just go."

Rin had heard this before, from herself, from Akki, and before she probably would have left without another word, but she wasn’t the same as a day ago. He had called her, her, the Lady of the Western Lands, nothing more than a whore. Rin felt her blood begin to boil with anger, her own anger, not Sesshoumaru’s. It had taken her a year to convince herself she was not just a demon’s whore and she wasn’t going to let this human man get away with such a disgrace.

Her face mirrored Sesshoumaru’s cold façade as she took hold of the stallion’s reigns with her left hand and stepped closer to man, her head raised to look down on him. She ripped the leather strap from his grip and moved forward again, forcing him backward. "No one speaks to me in such a way."

"And who do you think you are? A whore that is dressed like a hime is still just a whore." The man tried to press forward to intimidate her, but she refused to back down.

Rin slipped her right leg behind the man’s ankles remembering her lessons from Touya. She lifted her right hand to his chest and pushed. The combination of her pushing above and pulling from below forced the man to the ground. As he struggled to get up Rin mounted the stallion and looked down at him. "I am the Lady of the Western Lands. This horse shall be compensation for your insults and if you do not dare to open your foul mouth again I will not speak of this incident to my mate, Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands."

She didn’t even wait for a response before gently kicking the stallion’s flank and galloping out of the village. She looked back only once and was pleased to see she had no pursuers. A smile graced her lips as she realized what she had just done.

I just called myself the Lady of the Western Lands. I told him I was Sesshoumaru’s mate and I was proud of it. I am no longer weak and helpless. Sesshoumaru will be pleased when I tell him I didn’t lower my head. I must remember to tell him.

At the thought of her mate Rin felt the sorrow return. It never truly left anymore, but at times she could diminish its effect on her by focusing on something else. She had begun to pick out one specific emotion that tore at her more than everything else. It wasn’t anger, or sorrow, or grief, but a subtle and piercing sense of guilt. No matter what emotions flowed from the mark she always felt guilt enhancing the pain.

As the horse ran on Rin tried to imagine Sesshoumaru’s face. It would be cold, detached, his mouth would be closed casually as if the world didn’t have a single thing important enough for him to speak of. His golden eyes would never look away from the direction he traveled, yet they would observe everything around him. Nothing would escape his keen senses but neither would anything upset the impenetrable shroud that covered his face.

But inside, inside Rin knew he was seething in agony. She felt the pain and contempt that would never mar his perfect face. She understood his sorrow and guilt like no one else ever could. She saw the horrors that he hid so well.

Rin struck the animal’s flank again hurrying it on though the dark fields as the moon began its perilous climb across the sky. Exhaustion would not impede her journey nor would she let anyone, demon or human, delay her from ending her mate’s invisible suffering.

She rode on through the night, letting her emotions guide her through the unfamiliar landscape. The horse began to slow so Rin dismounted, keeping hold of the reigns, and led the stallion on. It was slower than if she had rode but this way it could take a rest from her weight. She would need its full speed when morning came and the region was clear to her sight.

Rin’s own stamina was a shock to her, after running, riding, and then walking constantly, when the morning’s light opened the lands to her Rin was still strong and alert. She quickly mounted the stallion, forcing it to run non-stop again. Just before mid-day came Rin saw a village in the distance and directed the beast to it.

She received as hospitable a welcome in this village as she had in the previous one, though none spoke directly to her. She rode through the streets for a few minutes looking about in search of some food to barter for but many of the merchants covered their goods as she passed. Rin’s ire was rising again. What do these people know of me!

Just as she figured it would be quicker to hunt for her food she heard a young woman’s voice behind her. "Miss, are you looking for something?"

Rin turned to see a woman no older than herself, she had a basket full of fruit in her arms and a smile danced on her face. "Yes, some food to barter for. I am in a hurry."

"Please, Otousan will be more than happy to have a customer." The woman motioned for her to follow.

Rin tugged on the reigns and soon they were at the entrance of a medium sized hut. The woman motioned for Rin to tie the stallion to the post and join her inside. She complied but not before passing a wary glance about the street.

"Otousan, Otousan, I have a customer with me."

A man slightly further than middle age, came from a back room and smiled at them both. It would have been obvious they were related even if she hadn’t known, the smile was exactly the same. The man approached Rin warmly. "Welcome, I am Shijin Akito. How can I help you?"

"I am in need of food that is light in weight and won’t spoil quickly. I also have no time so it must be available immediately. If you have one to trade I could also use a small dagger for hunting."

He stared at her slightly shocked. "You are traveling alone? Have you no servants to take care of hunting and gathering food."

Rin couldn’t stop herself from laughing so she let it out full force. Both father and daughter looked at her confused. "May I ask what you think I am?"

The woman looked to her father before answering. "By your dress I took you as a hime."

She looked down at her kimono, carefully brushing some dirt from the blue silk. "I suppose I am. I need to remember that." The confusion only deepened in her hosts’ faces. "Forgive me, it is just a passing thought, pay it no attention. To answer your question, I am quite capable of tending to myself, though I am lacking of supplies at the moment."

Akito seem content to leave it at that and sent his daughter into the back to retrieve the food. He was digging into a small trunk for the dagger as he continued to talk with Rin. "Hime-sama," Rin smiled at the show of respect, "since you are not asking for much on such short notice the supplies won’t cost much at all."

The man returned to Rin with a small dagger in his hand. "Actually, I have no money to give you. As I said to your daughter, I am here to barter."

"What do you have in mind?"

Rin held her arms out allowing him a full view of her kimono. "This is made of the finest silk and laced with gold. It will fetch a far greater price than what I ask for, I merely have no time to go sell it."

He examined the fabric and seemed content till his eyes passed over the collar where the blood had stained the cloth. His eyes widened as he looked on the wound and Rin thought he was going to reject her offer when he suddenly called back to his daughter, who was still in the other room, "Musume, prepare a basin of fresh water and rags."

"Yes, Otousan."

He smiled at Rin again. "We will get that cleaned up for you, Hime-sama. I hope one of Musume’s kimonos will do as a replacement."

Rin found herself smiling back at the man. "Yes, that will be just fine. I simply must hurry on."

"If it isn’t out of my place, may I ask what you are in such a rush for?"

"I am searching for my mate. He is much faster than I am so I must hurry if I want to catch up." Rin was surprised at how easy it was to speak of her mating to Sesshoumaru now, when she would have been too ashamed of herself to even think it a few months ago.

"Your mate?"

Rin nodded. She didn’t want to alienate such a kind man by telling him she was bound to a demon, but she also refused to hide that fact. She was not embarrassed of Sesshoumaru. "I am mated to a demon lord. He is wonderful to me, but I was hurt. I believe he thought me to be dead and left me with the healer I had been taken to." Rin ran her fingers over the mark on her neck. "If it hadn’t been for the mark he gave me I would have died."

"It sounds like you love him very dearly."

Rin closed her eyes. Love? Have I ever actually said that I love Sesshoumaru? I have just always been with him, it felt natural to stay that way. A serene smile enhanced Rin’s quiet beauty. "Yes, I do love him, more than words could ever begin to say." She looked to the man now holding a plain green kimono before her. "Are you not disgusted that a human would mate a demon?"

He gave her the kimono and directed her to the backroom. "I cannot say it is something I would do, but I can’t deny such a beautiful woman something that makes her smile as you just did."

Musume met them at the doorway and handed her father the food before leading Rin to a small cushion lying near a basin of water. "I will leave while you change. Call me in once you are done, I still need to fill some water containers for you."

"There is no need," Rin said and began disrobing. "I take speed over modesty. Do what you must."

Carefully, Rin folded the silk kimono and set it next to the cushion. She began washing the blood from her neck when she heard a something crash to the ground behind her. "I can’t believe I forgot! Hime-sama, what type of demon are you looking for?"

Rin’s heart stopped in her chest. "A dog demon. He has silver hair, and markings on his face." She waited to hear the woman’s response, begging it to be confirmation of Sesshoumaru.

"Oh." Rin needed nothing more to know it wasn’t. "Forgive me, Hime-sama, I had seen a demon two days ago, but it was not that."

"I see." Rin failed to hide her disappointment.

Musume gave a slight chuckle. "Actually I would have been very surprised if it was the one you were looking for. He was so small and reminded me of some kind of toad."

Rin nearly tipped the basin as she jumped and bolted to Musume, not caring at all that she still had no clothes on. "Did he carry a staff with two heads at the top?"

She nodded. "Are you looking for him as well?"

Rin stumbled back to the cushion and collapsed in a mixed fit of laughter and sobs. Musume approached but didn’t try to stop the unusual reaction. "Hime-sama? Are you well?"

Rin forced herself to take a deep breath and calm down. "Very well. The one you saw travels with my mate. I know for sure that I am on the right path now. Please, do you know where he was going?"

"He was heading to the southeast, the only thing that way is a shrine some ten miles from the village."

Rin quickly finished cleaning off her shoulder and re-dressed. It was not much of a lead, but perhaps the monks at the shrine has seen Sesshoumaru pass by. When she was ready to leave Musume handed her two containers of water. Both father and daughter escorted her to the stallion, which seemed quite happy to have rested.

"I feed him while you changed, it wasn’t much but it should hold him over for a while. The food is in a bag on the back of the saddle and should last you at least three or four days depending on how much you eat. I also put in some feed for the horse."

Rin bowed to them both before mounting the stallion. "Thank you for everything. You don’t know how much you have helped me."

They bow back to her. "It was our pleasure, Hime-sama."

"Rin." They looked at her confused. "My name is Rin."

"Good-luck, Rin-sama," Musume said smiling. "To get to the shrine just take the left path when you come to the fork in south road. It will take you directly there."

With a nod to them and a kick to the horse Rin was off and out of the village. As before she forced the stallion to its limits, and they reached the shrine shortly after the sun centered itself in the now clouded sky. She tied the reigns to the shrine entrance and quickly hurried to find whoever resided there.

She searched every room in the shrine but found no one there. The grounds were not as clean as they should be and it looked as if no one had been there for several days. Disappointed, Rin returned to her horse and decided to press further south having no other clue to Sesshoumaru’s whereabouts. As the day progressed the skies became darker and soon the sun was completely blocked from view. Rin knew it would rain but wasn’t going to stop her search.

As expected the water quickly escaped the heavens’ grasp, attacking both rider and horse. At first it was cold and slightly painful to feel the impact of the rain, but the shower quickly turned into a torrent of nature’s fury, releasing the winds to aid the endless downpour. Still, Rin pressed on, forcing the stallion further into the storm’s core. Lightning illuminated the dark sheath of clouds protecting the pristine expanse above it and thunder cackled at the earth below, taunting Rin’s exhausting efforts.

The stallion cried out at the terrors surrounding it and reeled back hoping for escape. Rin’s grip on the reigns, however, was firm and she pressed the frightened animal forward. Somewhere near them was a haven from the elements; she couldn’t explain how she knew, but she did. As the lightened showered the land with light once more Rin caught sight of a cave and hurried the beast to it. The stallion needed no directions to enter, it was more than happy to leave the fury behind them.

Rin dismounted and tried to examine her new surroundings. She had the strangest feeling she had been in the cave before but she had no memory of it. It appeared to go deep into the side of the small cliff above her, but there was no way to see in with the darkness caused by the storm. When lightning stuck again Rin caught sight of a torch resting in a holder on the side of the cave.

Someone has used this place before, maybe there is wood deeper in and I can make a fire.

She took the torch from its place on the cave wall and set it on the ground. She felt around for a couple of smooth stones to try and start the torch with. She knew with as wet as she was no sticks would burn in her hands even if there were any dry ones nearby. After a few minutes Rin was finally able to get the torch lit, and, taking the horse’s reigns she entered deeper into the cave.

The further into the cave she went, the stronger a sense of anger and hatred claimed her heart. She knew it had to be Sesshoumaru’s, but she wasn’t sure if it was him at that moment or if he had been here and she felt what he did then. Finally, Rin entered a small cavern, big enough to hold only a few people. Rin moved the torch across the area and found some wood already set up for a fire. She hurried over and used the torch to begin a strong blaze that quickly warmed Rin’s wet body.

As light filled the hollow Rin nearly fell down in shock. An old woman was bound to the wall and by her clothing she was a miko. She stepped closer and found the woman was still alive, so Rin hurriedly retrieved the dagger from the saddlebag. Just as she was about to cut the ropes and help the woman down the feeling of hatred swelled in her and stopped her hands.

Leave the woman alone. Whoever did this to her must have done it for a reason. Let her be.

But she must be hurt. Maybe a demon did this to her, she is a miko. Perhaps she lost against a demon and they left her to die. I should help her.

I have no reason to help this woman. Just because she is dressed like a miko doesn’t mean she is good. I should just keep her hanging. She must have deserved it.

I don’t know that. I should help her.

I don’t have to. I should leave her.

I should help someone who is suffering.

But I hate her!

Rin’s own thoughts shocked her.

Why do I hate a woman I have never met?

Because she is evil!

How do I know that?

I don’t care! I hate her! She deserves to suffer!

Why?

Because I hate her!

Why?

Because Sesshoumaru hates her!

Yes, Sesshoumaru hates her, not me. I have no idea who this woman is but Sesshoumaru hates her. He put her here. He left her to die.

So I should just forget I saw her. If she wakes I should ignore her. If Sesshoumaru believes she should die then let her.

Rin moved the dagger to the ropes binding the woman and cut them. She supported the extra weight and brought the unconscious body near the fire.

I cannot leave a person to suffer, even if Sesshoumaru did this. No one deserves to die like that. She looked down at the woman’s pale skin and capped lips. She must be very thirsty. One shouldn’t have to know that kind of unquenchable need.

She returned to her bag and brought out the two containers of water. One was halfway gone already and Rin quickly drank the rest of it, emptying every last drop. She took the second over to the woman for whom she still felt an intense hatred for and gently forced the water into her mouth being careful not to choke her. Once satisfied the woman would be all right, Rin took the empty container out to the cave entrance and held it to a stream of water falling from the ceiling.

Just as she was about finished filling the container Rin heard sounds in the cavern and hurried to check on both the woman and horse. The miko was sitting now, the water container above her head as she greedily drank the cool liquid. The horse was content to lay near the fire and didn’t care about either woman. Rin approached the miko and set the newly acquired water before her. "Here is more if you are still thirsty."

The miko lowered the container from her face and stared blankly before her. She was blind. "Thank you, but how did you come here?"

"There is a storm outside, I saw this and come for shelter for me and my horse."

"Yes, I smelled the creature when I woke."

Rin was too filled with hatred and anger not to know why. "Tell me, why were you tied to the wall like that? You are a miko, aren’t you?"

She nodded. "Indeed. A demon found me here and bound me against the wall to die."

"You could not seal or vanquish him?" Rin knew quite well Sesshoumaru was far stronger than this woman but didn’t want to give away who she was just yet.

"I did not try to fight him. I deserved the punishment."

"But you are a miko. Mikos are holy people."

"Child, I am a more than just a miko, and far from holy. I cursed the demon’s mate. It was an eternal curse, no way to break it, and she would eventually die from it. So I deserved my fate."

Rin felt the rage boil in her blood but she restrained and spoke to the tarnished miko with feigned shock. "But why would you, as a miko, do such a thing?"

"For a quick death, one that would bring justice to all the wretched acts I performed. I am dying, slowly, and I didn’t want to suffer for such a long time. I was being selfish and knew when I was hired to perform the curse that the demon would come and kill me."

"So you used the demon as a means to kill yourself? Why did he not then?" Rin’s curiosity got the better of her, as she was truly interested in why Sesshoumaru didn’t kill the woman.

The miko sighed and took another long drink before answering. "Because his mate was suffering and wished for me to suffer as she did. Ironic that what I desired most was taken from me. Perhaps that was the most fitting punishment for my crimes."

A part of Rin screamed that it was and she should continue to suffer, but the part of her that was truly Rin would not let such a thing happen. She walked over to her bag and retrieved food for both the miko and herself. The miko gladly took the food and began eating as Rin only pecked at her own.

"Tell me," the woman said between bites, "why do you still help me after I told you why I was hanging there? I deserve to be as cursed as those whose lives I took and ruined."

"I know what it feels like to be hungry and thirsty and have nothing in sight. I would not wish it on anyone." A quiet smile graced Rin’s pained face. "Besides, a person should always try and help those in need, no matter who they are. I would not have met…my husband, had I not tried to help him. Even though he frightened me and pushed me away I wanted to help him." Rin scolded herself for almost using mate and giving away her relation to a demon. Even if the miko didn’t know it was Sesshoumaru directly Rin didn’t want to give away any clues.

"You are truly a kind soul. You should have become a miko."

Rin couldn’t stop herself from laughing. A miko mated to Sesshoumaru! How absurd!

"With your compassion I do not see the idea that funny."

Rin struggled to stop her laughter. "It is merely hard to believe my husband would ever even think of marrying a miko, and I do prefer being with him than anything." Rin surprised herself with the way she talked about Sesshoumaru, even though they had yet to properly mate she spoke of him as if they had always been together. She found herself smiling at the feeling of contentment it caused.

"And where is your husband now?"

"I was returning to him when the storm hit." It wasn’t a complete lie but she wasn’t about to tell the miko the truth.

"This cave is far from any town, you must have been traveling."

"Yes, and I was returning home to the village some ways north of here, past the shrine."

"Of course."

Rin picked up the water container that the miko had emptied earlier and stood up. "Excuse me, I will go get some more water."

"I wasn’t lying, Rin, when I said you should have been a miko."

Rin stopped and turned to the miko at the mention of her name. "My name is not Rin, it is Musume," she silently thanked Musume again, since she was so shocked it was the only name that she could come up with.

"My mistake, I thought I heard you say Rin earlier. My hearing is not what it once was."

Rin left the miko as quickly as she could without sounding in haste. The woman’s hearing was fine, but Rin had never even said her name. Despite her attempts to hide her identity the miko already knew who she was. Rin’s anger grew again, heating her body with every thought of contempt and loathing that passed through her mind. Still, Rin’s true self won out against what she knew was Sesshoumaru’s grief and she returned to the old woman giving her the container and tending to her needs throughout the night.

"Musume," the woman said as Rin was drifting in and out of sleep, "may I ask what your husband’s name is?"

"Akito," Rin answered remembering the merchant’s name.

"Odd, I thought that was your father’s name, Musume."

Rin’s eyes bolted open as she realized what she should have long ago. "You are the miko that was taking care of the shrine near the village."

"Yes, Rin, I am. It was clever of you to use her name. You are both near the same age and of similar dispositions, but I was very sure she had not married."

Rin’s anger was seeping into her voice. "So that’s how you figured it out?"

"No, I knew when I awoke it was you. I may be blind, but I know the aura of one bearing my curse. I am curious at how you broke it though."

"I’m sure you are." Rin both scolded and praised herself for taunting the old woman.

"Yes, I deserve that contempt you show. I cannot imagine why the fates are so cruel that they would bring to me the one person who broke my curse, and then knowing I am the one who made her suffer, help me. I suppose this is my ultimate punishment, to take charity from one who has every right to kill me."

"I could not kill you even if I wanted to," Rin said, her voice returning to its normal tone. "Sesshoumaru wants you dead, not I. The fates are not cruel, they are…just. They sent me to the one person I should truly thank."

"What have I done for you that you should thank?"

"I am no longer ashamed of myself. I always let Sesshoumaru fight my battles for me, but there, in that world, I had to do it on my own. If I hadn’t overcome it by my own strength I would never have felt like I deserved my mate or anything he gave me. I would have continued to think of myself as a burden to him. So, I thank you, for cursing me."

"You are too kind, child. Rest now." The woman waved her hand and Rin suddenly felt unbearably tired. She laid her head on the cold floor beneath her and drifted into a peaceful sleep.

When Rin woke she felt stronger and livelier than ever before. The woman sat in front of the dying embers of the fire appearing to be in deep meditation. The sun’s light licked at the edges of the cave leading to the outside world.

I slept all night! How far has Sesshoumaru gotten while I was stuck in here? I cannot afford anymore delays.

She quickly ran to the saddlebag and grabbed some food, placing it before the woman. Rin then took the reigns of the well-rested stallion and headed for the land outside.

"Rin." The woman’s voice shocked her as Rin hadn’t though she was conscious enough to notice her leaving. "You left me some of your food though you have little to spare."

"I thought you may still be hungry. I can catch some more when I need it."

"That will slow you."

"Perhaps, but I will manage." Rin held back the fact she didn’t plan on stopping for anything, even food, if she didn’t have to.

"I hope my spell has healed your exhaustion. Both you and your horse will be able to go on for some time now."

"Why help one you cursed?"

"Why did you help the one who cursed you?" Rin didn’t respond. "Listen carefully to me. Go to the east and you will find a river. Follow it until you reach a deep scar in the land, if you follow the river past the scar you will eventually see a canyon further east. Leave the river and go into the canyon. The way above it too harsh to travel by foot or horse, but inside there is a path.

‘Keep to it till it goes up and out, be careful though, there is only one exit and you will have to double back if you miss it. From there go northeast and you will reach a village. Just past that is where Sesshoumaru now travels. He will of course be gone by the time you reach that place, but I am sure you will be able to find out something by then."

Rin felt as if her world had just been saved. She knew where Sesshoumaru was and how to get to him. She would be able to stop the pain that still pulsed from the mark on her neck. "Thank you."

"One more thing, Rin. You will know the scar in the land. It is your choice whether to go and see it or not. If you do not wish to see it, hold close to the river and never leave it."

"What do you mean?"

"You will understand." The woman said nothing more and returned to the meditation she had been in.

"Thank you." Rin turned and left the cave followed by the stallion who seemed ready for its enduring run.

She quickly mounted and gave one last look at the cave. "The fates do enjoy toying with my life." With that said Rin kicked the horse’s side and headed east.

The river was easy to spot since the previous night’s rain has flooded it slightly. She kept along its side for hours before beginning to understand the miko’s words. She knew the land all right. She knew this land very well. She had spent many of her sleepless night lost in this land, or more specifically, the scar she approached. She halted the horse and stared at the forest she was about to enter.

Should I go there? Should I see it again?

Why go back to a place I have tried to escape from for so long? I’m happy never to go there again.

Why then, do I so badly want to see it? Why do I want to look upon that place again?

It doesn’t matter. I am going to follow the river and forget about that place.

Perhaps that is why I need to see it. I can’t just forget about it. I…I need to go back.

Then I’ll return after I have Sesshoumaru with me. I cannot delay finding him. I need to stop his pain!

I need to see it, on my own. I cannot go with Sesshoumaru. I need to release the last of my pain.

Rin tugged on the reigns and directed the horse into the forest, leaving the river’s safe path. As the trees closed in on top of her Rin dismounted and led the stallion on by foot. The path was uneven and for the first time she realized that she had never seen the woods she had been in so many times. She had always run blindly on, not caring where she went. Rin knew where she was going though, her body was tense as she neared the clearing and she could feel Sesshoumaru’s emotions heighten as they had in the cave. He had been here.

Rin was shocked to see a line of fallen trees blocking her path. They were too tall for the horse to jump so she tied its reigns to a low tree branch and climbed them alone. It was difficult as Rin often found the branches of another tree blocking her path but soon she began her decent into the long deserted camp.

She had not seen it since her time in captivity and it had changed drastically, though Rin could tell most of the changes were new. The land was barren beneath her feet, not a single blade of grass rose from the stagnant earth. There were no tents or fires anywhere. Not even the bones of the humans that died could bee seen. It was indeed a scar on the land, banished from the rest of the world by a barrier of decaying trees.

Rin slowly walked to the center of the area and looked at the ground. She watched as water dropped and moistened the dry dirt. She could barely stand the guilt that overwhelmed her body and attacked her soul. There were no other emotions left in the desolate land by Sesshoumaru, just guilt. There in the center of her pain and anguish, Rin wept for her mate.

When her tears were all but gone she took a deep breath and raised her head. She spoke to the ghost of her past. "I am going to leave you now. I shall never return here and you cannot stop me. I will find my mate. I will live my life with him, and you can do nothing. I will not be afraid of you ever again.

‘I am not a demon’s whore, or a weak human, or a burden. I am the Lady of the Western Lands. Sesshoumaru’s mate, his eternal companion, and I will never be ashamed of it. I will not be ashamed of who I am."

She smiled as proudly as she could. "I win."

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Oh, for anyone wondering why Sessy can't feel Rin's emotions I put it this way. He marked her with a demon mark, which allowed her to have a part of himself, but as a human she can't "mark" him like that. He never needed to know her feelings before since her scent told him what he needed. So yeah, that is my explanation.