InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Trust ❯ Chapter 16

A/N: Yes, you read it right. That was a South Park movie quote in the last chapter. Just a small tribute.

Chapter 16

Sango awoke that morning feeling better than she had in a long time. Stretching, she fell back to her pillow with a wide smile on her face. The things Miroku had showed her…she had no idea it could be that way between a man and woman…and as he said, it was only the beginning of what they could do. She had lookout duty that morning, so she couldn't let herself linger in bed for much longer…even though memories of the previous night left her shivering in spite of her blankets.

To her surprise, she did not feel any remorse or guilt for her actions. She had expected to be more uncomfortable with herself and the situation, but as she thought about it she found that was not the case at all. Last night had been exciting, incredible, achingly sweet---but not wrong. She was certain of nothing if not that. One of the reasons she had so little experience with men is that being with them never felt right, and she never let them get past a certain point with her.

Part of her confusion regarding Miroku was that she knew she ought to feel that way about him, but she didn't. On the surface, he seemed to be the opposite of everything she wanted; a holy man who was anything but in his daily practices. He gambled, drank, and flirted with anything female. But he was also intelligent, loyal, brave, caring, handsome, sensual…

Enough. Throwing her bedclothes aside, she quickly washed with the basin of water left out the previous night. Dressing, she left her chamber. Not hearing anything from Kagome's room, she decided not to disturb her foster sister. Who knew when she had been able to get to sleep the night before? Her thoroughly drunk mate had surely been a handful. Sango smiled again, remembering the normally graceful Inu Yasha stumbling along supported by his cousin.

Remembering who his opponent had been in the drinking contest, Sango supposed that it would be a while before she got to see either of her friends that day. She strode into the courtyard and called for Kirara, and the two took off into the air.

Kagome woke as Sango was leaving. Inu Yasha was still asleep, but she knew he would be awake and irritable soon enough. He could be snappish enough on a normal day; if she had to deal with him hungover she might kill him. Jumping out of bed, she got dressed with the idea of going to ask Nzinga for some of the remedy that had worked so well for them all the last time. When she opened the door to her chamber, she saw that a flagon had been left already. Smiling, she turned around and tried to think of the best way to convince her mate to drink it.

She woke him up long enough for him to get him to coax the remedy down his throat, then watch him fall back into unconsciousness. He made that bed look so comfortable…and she didn't really have to be anywhere for a while. Yawning, she slipped back underneath the covers and curled up next to Inu Yasha's side. A sleepy smile curved his mouth as he pulled her up against him. It didn't take Kagome long to sink back into a doze.

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Instead of sleeping off her hangover, as her friends assumed, Nzinga was at that moment still on her chamber floor where Sesshomaru had left her. She was staggered by the fact that she had stopped their Bond from forming. Sesshomaru was so proud…he would see such an act as the deepest insult.

She had resigned herself to the fact that she was going to have to finally settle down, after all her years avoiding it. She had always been indifferent when to came to the matter of mating or marriage. This only worked because she refused to be anything other than vague when discussing the idea. Specifics made her jumpy.

Nzinga could admit to herself at least that she wanted the pack leader, and the idea of being his mate was appealing on every level. But she was terrified of ever being as powerless as some of the women she had seen on her travels.

However, Sess would never abuse his power. She trusted him, because she knew that beneath his stern exterior was a passionate and honorable man who felt deeply. The fact that everyone thought he was invincible and emotionless only made her want to protect him. She didn't want anyone to hurt him just because they assumed he had no feelings to hurt.

She didn't want anyone to hurt him…the way she had.

But then shock gave way to anger. And anger turned to rage. How dare he treat her like that? With such contempt, such disdain? Instead of waiting to hear what she had to say, he had jumped to the worst possible conclusion, assuming she had willfully kept the Bond from forming. She hadn't even known such a thing was possible. As far as she knew, it formed, and it was not subject to the whims or desires of anyone.

Bonds formed between those who had never considered each other as mates, while some lifelong mates never Bonded, although that did not diminish their devotion to each other.

Shifters believed that certain souls found each other again and again, and would not be complete with anyone else. These were the people between whom Bonds formed. One way was upon first sight of each other, like that of Inu Yasha and Kagome. These Bonds were known to be the most powerful. They had to be, to allow a complete stranger through the mental and emotional barriers formed around a person's heart and mind.

She had not meant to stop the Bond from forming, but his reaction only served to drive home that fact that he did not yet trust her. With such a lack of trust, was Bonding even possible?

She stood, wiping her eyes. Enough wallowing. She took a deep breath, then grimaced as it shuddered back out of her. How did everything go so wrong so fast?

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Everyone who encountered the pack leader gave him a wide berth. Sesshomaru was not the most approachable man under the best of circumstances, but that day, more than one person did themselves bodily harm in an attempt to escape his notice. Inu Yasha was the only one not afraid to speak to his brother, but even he kept his normal aggravating comments to a minimum.

For the entire day, Sesshomaru kept to himself, sleeping in the barracks and not seeking anyone's company.

By the second day, he was able to actually think things through, instead of simply allowing his anger to engulf him. Even as he made the effort, Sesshomaru was filled with a sickening mixture of despair and fury. How could she do that to him? To both of them? Had she simply been toying with him all this time?

His mind replayed scenes from the past weeks:

Her eyes as he embraced her for the first time--- they showed her hesitation in releasing him, her confusion, and her dawning awareness of their mutual attraction.

Again, as the two of them hunted down that boar in Sango's village: "Do not mistake my deliberation for distaste." She said.

He saw himself carrying her back to her room the night of the drinking contest. Arms wound around his neck, she was purring in contentment. The vibration was pleasant against the skin of his throat, and he lightly kissed the top of her head. Bouncing in his arms, she had lifted her head for another kiss, this time to her mouth. When she pulled back, he scolded her lightly. "You should not bounce like that…I could drop you."

Settling back down in his arms, she replied, "I'm safe. You won't let me fall." And she fell back into a light doze, not knowing that her words had affected the pack leader more than any kiss.

And finally, he remembered the stricken look on her face when he left her the previous morning, and self-hatred sliced through him. So, she had not done it on purpose…and he had behaved badly by accusing her in such a manner. She had to be furious.

Now that he was calmer, he realized she was not capable of such duplicity.

He decided to find her after his duties were completed that day. He had little to no experience in apologizing, but he knew he would need to put some effort into gaining her forgiveness.

But he did not find her that day. Or the next. By the third day, he was in as much of a panic as he had ever been. He had gone from anger that she would dare to leave him to despair that he would never find her again. Only the sight of his younger brother brought him hope. He knew that whatever their own problems, Nzinga would never abandon Inu Yasha.

The man in question knew something was wrong, and he knew it was his brother's fault, and spent every moment he could berating him. Where was his sister? What did Sesshomaru do to make his sister leave? Why wasn't he out finding her now?

Sesshomaru's responses became more and more terse until he finally stopped responding at all. It was all Kagome could do to keep Inu Yasha from attacking his brother.

Kagome was worried as well, but trusted her friend to return. From her own fights with Inu Yasha, she knew that sometimes you just needed some time alone to sort through your feelings and to keep from saying something you did not mean.

Sango was torn between worry for her friend and dealing with the dizzying new emotions Miroku had stirred in her. Part of her felt guilty for allowing him such liberties, but the rest of her could not help but be eager for more.

Miroku had not pushed her since that day, allowing her time to come to terms with what they had done. He hoped he was doing the right thing by curbing his impatience. But something inside him told him that pressuring her at this point could cause him to lose all the ground he had gained.

By the middle of the fourth day, Sesshomaru's rage and anguish was roiling just below his expressionless facade, seeking any opportunity to come to the surface.

Unfortunately for them, Sasha and Inu Yasha provided the perfect outlet.

Sasha had convinced herself that Nzinga was out of the picture completely, due to her absence for the past few days. Confident in her chances now that the "interloper" was gone, she found the pack leader sitting alone in a garden off one of the dining rooms. Unknown to her, it was the same one the group had used during their celebration all those weeks ago.

His eyes were fixed on a faraway point, and he did not move or otherwise acknowledge her presence. As the silence stretched out between them, Sasha began to feel uneasy.

Kneeling, she laid a hand on his arm as he sat with his back against a tree. "I cannot help but notice your ill humor, pack leader. Is there any way I can help?"

After a moment, he turned to her, and his gaze was as cold and unfeeling as his voice. "No." He turned back again.

She flinched, but did not back down. "It pains me to see you this way, please, if there is any way I can…"

"No. You cannot help me." He stated bluntly.

This time Sasha did remove her hand, and stood up. "She is unrefined, foul-tempered and a drunkard. She makes no effort to be worthy of you." She blinked back angry tears. "You are the eldest son of the leader of the Dog Clan, the ruling clan of the shifter nation. You are a pack leader in your own right. It sickens me to see how she treats you. She does not give you the respect and honor you deserve."

"Is that so?" he murmured, still not looking at her.

"Yes, it is." Her voice was strained with the effort of remaining calm. "I hate to see how she laughs at you…as if you were just any insignificant man for her to toy with. She takes nothing seriously…how can you consider her worthy of you?"

He started to lose his temper. "Sasha…you do not know of what you speak. Please leave me."

"I cannot." She faced his slightly surprised look with her own watery-eyed determination. "I do not know how I can make you happy, but I know I cannot do it if I am not by your side."

Sesshomaru closed his eyes and gathered the fraying edges of his nerves.

"Sasha…" he began, more gently than he felt. "I am not for you. You are healthy and strong, and should channel your energies towards a male who can better return your regard."

There. It was finally out in the open. He stood up, looking down at her from his advantage of height. Her beauty, set off by striking silver-blue eyes and red hair, left him unmoved. Her fists clenched at her side, she looked up at him, searching his face for anything that would lessen the awful finality of his statement.

This is how Inu Yasha found them, staring intently at each other, with far too little space between them for his liking.

"So…" he drawled. "Moved right in didn't you, bitch? And you, brother, I see you're hard at work looking for my sister."

Sesshomaru's cold gaze snapped from the woman in front of him to his brother. "You know nothing. Leave."

"I didn't think even you would stoop so low as to meet with her when Zi is missing. It's your fucking fault she's gone!" Inu Yasha stalked over to his brother, shoving him to make his point.

"Inu Yasha…" he growled.

"I don't want to hear another fucking word out of your mouth unless it's about getting her back!" his brother shouted. "You make me sick! You don't deserve her!"

Sesshomaru had had enough. And nothing works out aggression like beating up a family member.

Growling, he backhanded Inu Yasha across the face. His younger brother went flying. Pushing himself up, he narrowed his eyes. "About time. I've been wanting to beat the shit out of you for a while now."

Sesshomaru didn't bother replying, just eyed his brother, waiting for his attack. Inu Yasha sprang at him, claws ready. Sesshomaru dodged him easily, and swiped at his brother again. This time Inu Yasha was ready, but still caught a fist in the side. Twisting about, he landed a kick in the ribs, causing Sesshomaru to grunt.

Sasha, having been forgotten by both fighters, did her best to stay out of the way. When she was almost hit by a flying Inu Yasha (who could have dodged, but…well, he really could not stand that bitch), she decided it was time to go, and ran back into the fort.

Inu Yasha jumped back to his feet and faced his brother, who looked as unflappable as ever. This infuriated him, and he leapt for the older man again, this time catching him on the jaw. Sesshomaru shook his head slightly to clear it, and in spite of everything smiled to himself. His little brother had quite the punch.

But, he was still the older brother, he thought. Watching Inu Yasha leap into the air to attack him from above, he concentrated, and a whip of pure spirit extended from the first two fingers of his hand. Flicking his wrist, the tip of the weapon lightly slipped across Inu Yasha's arm, drawing blood and causing him to pull his leap short.

Snarling, Inu Yasha drew a hand across the blood on his arm, and flung it at his brother. By channeling spirit into it, the blood was transformed into liquid blades. Sesshomaru blocked most of them with his whip, but two got through, slicing him at the shoulder and thigh.

By unspoken agreement, they both paused to catch their breath. Inu Yasha took the opportunity to get one last demand in.

"Get her back. I don't give a shit what you have to do, but get her back."

Sesshomaru had a sudden memory of a much younger Inu Yasha making a similar demand. Inu Yasha had a pet hawk that had been fatally wounded while hunting. The young boy didn't understand why the bird could no longer fly, and wanted his brother to "make it better." He could not grant his brother's wish then, and felt just as powerless now.

"Are you two done?" A new voice asked. Sesshomaru started, then cursed himself for not noticing the new arrival.

Nzinga continued to speak from her seat on the wall, in the shadow. "Pup, maybe you should let Kagome look at your arm. That whip looked pretty nasty."

"Keh!" He replied. "Like something like that could hurt me." He was trying mightily not to show how relieved he was. Finally, he burst out, "Where the fuck have you been?"

"I'm sorry, Pup," she said. "I'll explain myself later. Do you mind if I talk to your brother right now?"

He grunted, and started back inside the fort, pausing just before he entered.

"I won't leave again." She sent firmly. He nodded, and went inside, leaving her and Sesshomaru alone in the garden. Leaving her seat on the wall, she walked a few paces towards him. He closed the rest of the distance, stopping a few feet away.

They faced each other, wordless. He took in her reddened eyes, and the strain around her mouth. The light was out of her eyes, and her braids were scraped back against her head instead of in their usual cheerful disarray. This strangely affected him most of all; it was as if the life had even been drained from her hair.

No one had seen her at meals for the last three days, and if she was sleeping, she was not doing it in her chamber, as her scent there was old and faint. A horrible whirlpool of emotion swirled inside him. Anger, worry and guilt all beat him into silence, reducing him to a helpless observer, unable to speak. Sesshomaru had seen Nzinga in many moods, but he had never seen her look so empty. And nothing had ever made him feel so powerless.

"Mate." She spoke first, mind-to-mind. The shock she received in response caused her mouth to curve slightly.

"Yes, you heard me. No matter how enraged you made me, I can no longer deny your claim."

Clenched fists at his side were the only outward sign of the elation, possessiveness and confusion that her words produced in him. Drawing in a breath, he registered the change in scent that signaled her acceptance of him, and her status as his mate.

"I don't want to repeat myself, so pay attention. You can sense the emotions behind my words better this way, so there will hopefully be no more confusion." She took a deep breath, putting a hand to her head. She looked exhausted.

At her sign of fatigue, he took an involuntary step towards her, but paused at the warning glance she gave him.

"You can do what you want when I'm done. Just let me finish." Her head came up, and the light began to return to her eyes.

"If you were right, and we are truly meant to Bond, then so be it. I realize what this means…that we are bound together, in this and all worlds. Our souls can find neither peace nor completion apart from one another. My blocking of the formation was involuntary; I did not know such a thing was even possible."

"I asked you once not to mistake my deliberation, my… hesitation for distaste. I needed time to accustom myself to the idea of being bound to one man to the rest of my life. I thought you understood that." She paused.

"But I must not have open enough with my feelings if you still doubted them the way you did. You were angry that I did not mate with you during my heat, or immediately accept your claim. You could not know that you were the only man I let near me during heat since my first heat as a shifter. That alone should have been proof enough as to how I feel for you."

"I don't want you to doubt me any longer. Mate…" And here she took a deep, shuddering breath, "Until our Bond forms, and you can know for yourself, can you trust what I have told you?"

Unable to speak at first, he could only nod before replying, "Yes. Yes, I will trust you."

"Good. That having been said…" she drew in a deep breath and walked over to Sesshomaru. The glint in her eye was the only warning he got before her fist landed on the side of his face. He rocked back a few steps, and she watched in satisfaction, chest heaving.

"You piece of shit." She ground out with quiet ferocity. "I never did anything--ANYTHING--to justify your treatment of me. You never even considered any possibility but the one that reflected most badly on me. And while I have not lost faith in you, it has certainly been," she paused, "undermined." She began to pace, feline grace evident as she stalked back and forth. All she was missing was a tail to lash in her fury.

"So--I need to know if you are willing to take the time to rebuild my trust in you. As we are now mates, we are equally vulnerable to the risks if you do not." Nzinga's voice hardened as she regarded her mate. "Because if you ever disrespect me like that again, I will leave you and not look back, even though that means leaving half of myself behind."

Sesshomaru could only look at her, pained. The lurch of his heart at her unyielding words caused the throbbing of his cheek to fade to nothing. He had no doubt she meant what she said.

His silence filled her with sudden rage. She stopped in her tracks and suddenly screamed, "Do you understand me? Because if you don't agree, I swear I will leave this place as soon as this battle ends." He nodded, stunned.

Closing her eyes, Nzinga gave into the fatigue that had been battering at her for days. She slid to the ground, and propped herself against the wall. Sesshomaru once again suppressed his instinct to go over to her, remembering her earlier warning. She was silent a moment, before extending a hand towards him. As he knelt in front of her, she cupped his face, and rested her forehead on his. He swallowed heavily, inhaling deeply, reveling in their first physical contact since their argument.

The silver haired man squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, feeling her tremble against him.

"I will not let lack of trust keep me from you, any more than I would let distance or death. It was inexcusable of me to treat you the way I did. It will be difficult, but I will give you the time you need." Slowly, he slid his hand from her jaw to the nape of her neck, undoing the leather cord tying back her braids. They spilled over her shoulders and back, the silver beads catching the faint light. "The Bond will come when it comes. With it, I hope your faith in me will be restored."

Sesshomaru drew his mate's face in to kiss her, but she pulled back. He looked at her in surprise.

"You need a bath." She announced.

His looked slightly offended. Fisting her hand in his hair, she pulled his face back from her own.

"You will not touch me smelling of another woman…especially not that one." She said evenly.

He regarded her for a moment. "I don't believe that I have ever seen you jealous before." He mused.

"You're not seeing it now…I'm simply stating a fact." She met his gaze, quirking an eyebrow when he remained silent.

Sesshomaru's brow creased faintly in annoyance as he regarded her. He would rather be claiming his mate than having this discussion, but he was wise enough not to argue.

"It's your fault for not giving her more discouragement…and sleeping with her couldn't have helped." Nzinga looked away, then back at her mate.

He jerked back, eyes wide in shock. Even though the fact that he had actually rutted with that bitch made her stomach turn, she still found some small satisfaction in being able to surprise him.

"She told you." It was not a question.

"She didn't have to tell me," Nzinga responded. "I've never seen or heard of you encouraging her; but I can't imagine her pursuing you so stubbornly for any other reason. You must have slept with her."

Settling back on his knees, he searched for a response. "It was…a long time ago. I knew we were not for each other, but she refused to accept it."

"Of course it was a long time ago. Had it not been, I wouldn't be nearly so understanding." She stood, extending a hand to help him up as well. "You still need a bath."