InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Twisted Hearts ❯ Black Abyss ( Chapter 4 )

Twisted Feelings

Black abyss

 

It wasn't that bad.

Sesshoumaru, though a complete stranger, couldn't be that bad. He seemed cold, arrogant, mean, and dangerous, but he surely couldn't be all that bad. He had been arrogant, and he had pushed her, ordered her, and threaten her with his claws. Still, Kagome was sure he had to have some good things in him. After all, he had assured her he would try to save her brother. That had been part of the deal, but…

He had good in him. He had to. She didn't care about what others said.

Kagome didn't know what Sango, Miroku, or her mother would say. It surely wouldn't be that good, except for Miroku. She was sure he would find it hilarious. She didn't know how Inuyasha would react, though she was sure he would not stop her. He had Kykio now, after all. As for her brother, she would simply pretend to ignore his questions.

She really wasn't disappointed.

Why would she be, indeed? She was marrying one of the richest and most powerful youkai in the world. And although he seemed…cold, he was quite good looking. Quite a catch, if she said so herself. And he would help her save her brother. Her mother would stop worrying, and everything would work out in the end.

Love wasn't really that important.

Two days after she accepted Sesshoumaru, she decided that love was bullshit. She had loved, still love, Inuyasha, and that had gotten her nowhere. She had trusted in love, hopping it would be sweet and defeat anything. It had laughed at her and turned its back to her, so why would she give a damn about love? She truly wanted to believe that it didn't matter if she didn't love Sesshoumaru.

God, how she wanted to believe that!

She knew it was a lie.

Everything was a lie.

Why the hell had she accepted to marry him?

She would only think of Inuyasha when he saw him. Her heart would look for similarities between the two brothers.. Hell, even her head would try to imagine it was Inuyasha in front of her. It would never work. Sesshoumaru and she had no future together. It would all end in tears and pain and more tears.

Still, she had no option. She had already given him her word, and her brother needed this. He needed the money to survive, and Kagome would be damned if she let him die.

She hoped that one day she would wake up and her chest would stop hurting so damn much.

“I'm coming!” Kagome yelled for the third time as some idiot insisted on knocking on her door. “Stupid bastard, doesn't anyone know patience anymore?” She opened the door and froze on the spot.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?” Her voice was raspy.

“I…came to explain.”

Kagome bit her lower lip. She looked at the ground and softly wished for him to go away and leave her alone. “There is nothing to explain, Inuyasha.”

She hadn't expected to see him here. She had fantasized with the thought of simply forgetting all about him. She had, almost, when she realized that could never happen.

“Please, Kagome…”

He put his hand under her chin and gently lift it up. Kagome trembled at the touch. She was afraid to look at him. Still, her blue eyes found his golden orbs, and she knew she was lost.

“Come in.”

He made his way into her apartment, and sat on the couch. Kagome leaned against a wall.

There was silence…

“How did you fall in love with her?”

Inuyasha smiled despite himself. His love for Kikyo had come suddenly, unexpectedly, but strong as nothing he had ever felt.

Then I saw her, amidst a river of people…

He had taken one look at Kikyo and forgotten all about Kagome. He couldn't explain the way he had felt. He didn't know how to make her understand.

“I thought she was you. She had her back towards me, and her hair was like yours. I called out to her, and she turned…”

I knew I'd never be able to let go of her…

“…She wasn't mad at me. She simply smiled, and I asked her out. I…Kagome, I never meant to hurt you, but…”
Instead I let go of you.

“I loved her from the beginning. There was not a word said between us, and I knew I couldn't leave without her. She became everything to me so fast, and I wasn't scared. I embraced it, and now, I don't think…”

“You'll marry her.” Kagome interrupted him because she didn't think she could keep listening to him.

“In two weeks.”

“Does she know why you are marrying her so fast?”
It took a moment for Inuyasha to understand what Kagome meant.

“How do you know?”

Kagome actually smiled. “Sesshoumaru told me.”
The look on Inuyasha's face would have made her laugh under any other circumstance.

“He was here?”

“He came to…ask me a very surprising question.”

“Did he hurt you? If he did…”

But Kagome chose that moment to raise her hand, and her diamond ring shone against the light.

“He asked me to marry him.”

She swore the world stopped in that moment.

“What?”

He was beginning to turn red.

“And I said yes.”

Now he looked purple-

“What?” He yelled. Kagome stayed calm, as if she was commenting the weather.

“He told me why he was marrying me, and I accepted.”

Inuyasha finally seemed to get his tongue to work again. “But…you don't love him. You love me. You'll never stop loving me.”

Kagome felt like killing him.

“You selfish bastard, do you think I could not love another? You moved on, why should I not?”

“You love me. I can see it in the way you look at me, and the way your eyes are teary. Why the hell would you marry my brother?”

He grabbed her by the shoulders in anger, and Kagome felt pain as his claws dig in her skin. She gasped, and Inuyasha seemed to come to his senses.

“I…I didn't mean to…”

Kagome grabbed her arm. It was slightly bleeding.

“I have my own reasons for marrying him, Inuyasha, and it stopped being your business the moment you chose Kikyo over me.”

Inuyasha blushed and moved towards her, but Kagome stepped back. He got a hurt look on his face, but Kagome thought he deserved that. At least he felt a little of what she had been feeling for what seemed forever.

“Kagome, please, I do love you…”

Kagome tuned him out. She didn't want to hear him anymore. It hurt too much. She knew it was a mistake to ask, but…

“Did you ever truly love me or are those just words?”

She wanted to know. She needed to know if it had all been a lie. She had to hold on to something, to a tiny hope, to the knowledge that she had once been loved as much as she had loved.

Inuyasha didn't look at her. Kagome felt her breathing stop.

“I do love you, but…” and then the truth came out, hitting her like a wave, leaving her alone and torn and dead inside. “I never loved you as much as I love Kikyo.”

Kagome only had time to push Inuyasha away from her room before collapsing on the floor.

Kagome could not believe her luck. Why, why could her day not get any better? Why did it have to get worse? Wasn't talking to Inuyasha not enough punishment?

She thought her life was slowly falling to pieces. Oh, it was definitely not enough that Inuyasha had told her that she was marrying another woman. He had also told her that he had never loved her, and Kagome didn't know what to do with the pain. She chose to ignore it for the time being. She had to deal with other things.

No matter what she had done, though, Kagome was sure she did not deserve this. She glared at the youkai in front of her.

Not only was she marrying a complete moron. The complete moron didn't even have the courtesy to show up. Who the hell did he think he was, a lord or something? Sure, he had money, but that did not mean that he could just put her aside or something. She was a human, and she demanded some respect, and she wanted to at least get to know him a little. She now wondered if she still wanted to get to know him. Perhaps, it would be better if she didn't.

“So he is not coming?”

“No, I…he has some business to attend.”

“And what the hell am I?”

“Lower business?”

Kagome felt like hitting the already scared youkai. Her miko powers were flaming, and some youkai turned to stare at her. She tried very hard to control herself.

“Who are you, anyway?”

At this, the youkai actually seemed to beam.

“I am Jaken, Lord Sesshoumaru's loyal assistant.”

“Lord?”

“He is as powerful and gracious as a lord.”
Kagome starred at the green youkai. Had she heard right? No wonder Sesshoumaru was such an arrogant twit. Who wouldn't be with employers like these?

“So…”

Now, Kagome was at a loss of words. What exactly was she supposed to do now? She had agreed to meet Sesshoumaru today to talk about marriage stuff, but…She hoped Sesshoumaru didn't expect her to talk to his assistant, right?

“Well, then…” she said, as she took some money out of her purse. “I guess I should be going. I'll arrange another meeting with Sesshoumaru when we both have time.” She put the money on the table, stood up, and was stopped.

“Mr. Sesshoumaru wanted me to discuss some matters concerning the wedding with you, so it would be to your best interest to stay.”

There was absolutely nothing that could have made Kagome madder at that precise moment.

“Well, tell your bloody Sesshoumaru that I will not discuss my marriage with you or anyone that isn't him.” And after making Jaken tremble, she took her money, and got up. “And tell him that he can pay for my coffee.” Kagome stomped out of the place.

Sesshoumaru lifted from his chair, put his hands behind his back, and stared out the window.

“So you have no idea of why my father's plane crashed.”
”I'm afraid not, but we are working on it. I have my best men and the ambassador's daughter already there. I will go there myself as soon as I can.”
Sesshoumaru turned his head slightly to look at the wolf youkai.

“Work as fast as you can. I want this problem solved fast. I want to know if it was really an accident.”

“We are doing all we can.”

“I will go there myself as soon as I marry.”

“Fine, whatever, no need to be so arrogant.”

Sesshoumaru turned to glare at the youkai, but Kouga simply smiled. Sometimes, Sesshoumaru wondered if it would be better to dispose of him. Then again, he was the only person who dared defy him. At least, that made him interesting.

“If it was a murder, do you think it was just after my father or my whole family?” he asked him, and the youkai smirked.

“As if you cared about your family.”

It was a cold statement, and had it come from anyone else, it would have ended badly. Very badly. Sesshoumaru did not appreciate to have his name dirtied in such ways. The fact that is was no lie did not change that. Still, he respected this youkai, and it was very hard to find anyone worthy of his respect.

“You are very lucky I respect you and have known you for most of my life. If not, I would have you arrested or killed.”

“For one little statement?”

Sesshoumaru waved his hand. Now was not the time to talk about his cold personality and indifference towards the rest of the world.

“Inuyasha and I will be taking over the companies. I want you to investigate everything about Inuyasha's fiancé. Go to Jaken for the last name.”

“And your fiancé?”

“I will investigate her myself.”
Kouga let out a laugh. “Never thought you'd find a human woman worthy of your time.”

“I have to marry her or lose everything.”

Kouga's face hardened a little. “Don't be so hard with the unlucky lady. She must be desperate if she accepted to marry you.”

As if on cue, Sesshoumaru heard something outside the door.

“I am not asking to see him. I am demanding to see him, and he will see me!”

Kouga turned to stare at the door.

“Your bride?” He asked with a bemused expression on his face.

Sesshoumaru felt like never opening his door. “Afraid so. You will have to leave.”

Kouga shrugged. “Fine with me.” He turned to walk out, but Sesshoumaru stopped him.

“The other door, I don't want her to see you in here.”

“Why?”

“There is no need.”
”Sesshoumaru, I know you hear me. You will talk to me now.”
Kouga grinned. “I like her. She reminds me of someone. Good luck with her.” With that, he was gone.

Sesshoumaru made a complete blank out of his face and went to open the door.

“Do you think you can just send someone else to deal with me? Just because I need you to save my brother doesn't mean you can treat me like shit, and I'll remind you that you need me too, and…”

Sesshoumaru tuned her out. He had to say he was surprised she could talk for twenty minutes straight without pausing once to breathe. He stared at her. There was absolutely nothing special about her. She wasn't gorgeous or overly intelligent. She didn't seem too bright, and although she had strong miko powers, he could tell they were untrained, useless. She really was nothing, except for a big talker. Just one look at her and he was either bored, annoyed, or irritated. The girl was a pain in the ass. There was nothing about her that attracted him. Still, he was marrying her. His father would be happy. He had chosen the most human woman ever.

“Quiet”. He finally said. He smiled when she went quiet, and a few minutes later he found his headache forming again.

“You can't just tell me to shut up, you…”

Sesshoumaru was in front of her faster than lighting. His claws were dangerously closed to her, and that is when it happened. Her eyes widened, and her hand went to her shoulder. Sesshoumaru's eyes followed her movement.

He sniffed.

“Who hurt you?”

Kagome look down. “It doesn't matter.”

“I demand to know.”
Sesshoumaru smelled her anger. “You are no one to demand anything from me.”

It occurred to Sesshoumaru that perhaps Kagome didn't know who he was.

“I am one of the richest youkai in the world. I am powerful and dangerous, and you will talk to me in respect.”

It also occurred to Sesshoumaru that perhaps this girl wasn't like the rest of the human or youkai that he had ever met. Or maybe she was just dumb.

“I don't care. You will not order me around.”

She spun to leave, but Sesshoumaru caught her by the arm and too late realized his mistake. She bit her lip in pain, and Sesshoumaru remembered her injury. He really didn't care.

Hurting others had never been a problem before.

Still, he let go of her quite fast.

“Tell me who did it.”
”No.”

Sesshoumaru sniffed and anger came as soon as he smelled him on her.

“You were with my half brother.”

“It doesn't matter, Sesshoumaru. I dealt with that.”

Sesshoumaru didn't know why he was suddenly so angry. Since he couldn't take it out on Inuyasha, he decided to do so with her.

“You will accompany me to Inuyasha's wedding next week.”

Her eyes widened. “But…”

“It is expected of you as my fiancé, and it comes as part of our arrangement.”

“You know….”

“I don't care. You will go.”
He could smell her pain in the air, but he didn't care. As she left his office in a hurried pace, he almost smiled.

He would show her not to mess up with him.

It was ten minutes after she was gone that he realized that she had fought back against him until the very end.

No human had ever done that. No one had dared.

He also realized that he had gotten overly mad because she was hurt. He truly didn't care, so why had he gotten so angry? And why the hell did he care if she saw his half-brother?

Sesshoumaru didn't know what to do with this information.

“He asked you what?”

Sango, with her eyes wide, stared at her for a second before starting to pass around the room. She went from the couch to the TV. and back again. At last, she stopped and sat besides Kagome. She took her hand in hers and took a few breaths to calm herself.

“What?”

“He wanted me to accompany him to Inuyasha's wedding.”

Sango looked at her with surprise. “Why would he want you to do that? It's not as if you know him or anything.”

Kagome thought that was funny. She didn't laugh, though. At this point, she would only be able to laugh hysterically, and Sano would get scared.

“He…he asked me something else, before that.”

“What could be important enough to suddenly ask you to accompany him to a private event?”

“He…”Kagome whispered, “He asked me to marry him.”

A dreadful silence came after that. It was as thought she had said something atrocious. Kagome thought that could be close to the truth.

“What did he ask you, Kagome?”

It was as thought Sango wanted to tell her that she had heard wrong. Kagome looked at her hand intertwined with Sango's, and she felt the tears come. She furiously blinked them back.

“He asked me to marry him.”

“And what did you answer?” Sango asked, but then she waved her hand, as if dismissing the thought. “Forget it; it's obvious you said no.”

Kagome squeezed Sango's hand. She wanted to assure Sango that she had said no. `Of course I said no', she would tell her, and they would both laugh together at the absurdness of the question.

Sango knew that she did not love him, and Kagome would never marry for anything else but love. Besides, Kagome had just broken up with the love of her life, Inuyasha, and the injury he had caused would never truly heal in Kagome's heart. He would always be there, like a ghost haunting her. To marry Inuyasha's brother would just make her hurt more.

Kagome truly wanted to say no of course she wouldn't marry him. Unfortunately, that was a lie.

Fate had already chosen for her.

The truth was another.

This was the only way out, Kagome's only option of moving on.

Inuyasha was marrying someone else. He had tossed her aside like she was nothing, and now, she was going to show up at his wedding in the arms of his brother.

How utterly ironic.

He had made her fall in love with him, and he had illusion her with thoughts of a future together, and then, in a blink of an eye, he had ended it all. It had all finished, and Kagome had woken up to reality.

He had kissed Kagome's lips, but another name had come out of his mouth. He had shattered Kagome. He had forgotten her love for him and discarded it like it was nothing. Kagome had lived for him since she met him. She had changed herself, her routine, and her ideals for him. She had done everything in her power to be everything he wanted, but it had all been in vain. It had not been enough.

Nothing had, and now she was lost and hurt and desperate.

Perhaps, she was marrying Sesshoumaru to get back at Inuyasha.

They had never gotten along, and Kagome could not think of a better revenge. The problem was that marrying Sesshoumaru went against all her instincts. Sesshoumaru was cold, arrogant, aloof, and incapable of any feelings. She had not liked him from the start. She had actually disliked him a lot. Life with him would end up being very lonely. At the end, Kagome would hurt herself more. The most important thing, though, was that Kagome knew she would never be able to love Inuyasha's older brother. Her marriage would be unhappy from day one.

“Kagome…”

Why had she made that choice, then? Why had she accepted Sesshoumaru?

Well, the answer was simple.

Kagome could not give herself the luxury of saying no to someone as rich as powerful as Sesshoumaru.

Her family needed the money.

Her brother would die without it.

An image of her brother came to her mind. Souta was small and frail and so, so weak. His time was running out, and he was all alone in that cold room at the hospital…

She knew there was no choice for her. She would not jeopardize Souta's life.

Kagome wanted so desperately to believe that everything would be alright. She waited every day for a miracle that would save her brother, but her patience was growing thin, and it was so very difficult to have faith. Every day, her brother grew paler and weaker. The doctor's faces grew more serious, and her mother cried herself to sleep every night. Their money was rapidly running out, and if Kagome didn't find the pot at the end of the rainbow, they would have to put Souta out of the hospital. There would be no more medicines or treatments, and Souta would not stand a chance.

Kagome would not let that happen.

Perhaps, she was marrying Sesshoumaru to save her brother.

“Kagome, you did say no, right?”

And Kagome smiled, and it was the saddest smile ever.

She was tired, tired of believing in love and been disappointed. She was tired of losing everything that was important to her, and she didn't need her last dreams to be shattered. She didn't know where to turn for support, and her life was coming apart. Her heart had been broken. Her mother tried to be strong, but she really couldn't be. Nothing was right. She didn't know what to do anymore.

She was so angry at herself.

She couldn't do anything to save her brother, and she didn't know how to give strength to her mother. She definitely didn't know how to put the pieces of her heart together again, and over all, over everything, she was angry at herself for still believing.

She was a fucking useless believer.

She still believed that her brother would miraculously gain back his health. She insisted on looking at the bright side of everything, and she was so weary. She was tired of wanting and wanting and not having, and being neglected and optimistic, and all at the same time. She was tired of perfect little Kagome, but that was all she knew how to be.

She still believed Inuyasha would come back for her.

So, perhaps she was marrying Sesshoumaru because she saw no other way out of the big hole she was currently in.

“Kagome, what did you answer him?”

And Kagome looked into Sango's brown, warm eyes, and she told the truth because she was also tired of lying.

“I told him yes.”

What else was she supposed to answer him?
She did not cry.