InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Twisted Hearts ❯ When You And I Were Together ( Chapter 18 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Twisted Hearts

When you and Iwere together

“Sesshoumaru.”

She whispered his name softly, as is afraid to disturb his sudden state of unconsciousness.

His name sounded delicate coming from her mouth. It sounded more like a prayer than a name. She looked over Sesshoumaru's body. Part of it had fallen on top of her, but Kagome had managed to shuffle underneath him so that he wasn't crushing her.

She laid his head in her lap, and her hand was on his forehead. Her eyes were worried, but they narrowed a little as she felt just exactly how hot he was.

“Baka,” she murmured. “I knew you were not well.”

That, however, did not change the fact that she was currently in Sesshoumaru's office with him fainted, an angry hanyou, and a confused and soon to be angry wolf youkai.

Kagome was afraid to think that things could not get worse. In the movies, things always got worse when you thought those dreadful words.

“Don't just stand there.” she snapped at the two immobile men.

“Make yourselves useful and help me carry him.”

The two didn't move. Kagome was starting to lose her patience.

“I said,” she repeated, lowering her voice the way Sesshoumaru did when he was really angry and wanted things done, “to get your asses over here, and help me with him.”

That seemed to do the trick. The two came back to life and made their way towards her.

“Ok, Kouga, get on my right side. Inuyasha, you take the left side. I can't carry him alone; he is too heavy…”

She trailed off as Kouga lifted Sesshoumaru and threw him over his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” She yelled angrily.

Kouga focused his eyes on her. He looked at her like she might have lost it.

“I'm carrying Sesshoumaru, just like you wanted me to.”

“No, you threw him over your shoulder like a potato sack! He is not. And he is sick. He needs to be taken care of right, and he definitely doesn't need to be manhandled.”

Kouga winced and Inuyasha had a dark look on his face, but Kagome weren't concerned for either of them.

Her issues with them could wait until Sesshoumaru was in a nice bed, a doctor had checked on him, and Kagome was sure that he was out of danger.

Not that she thought Sesshoumaru was in any great danger. He was too powerful. A little sickness would be nothing to him. It just was that…

Kagome was sure that he would be okay, but that didn't stop her from being worried. And worried she was. She was so anxious that her throat felt dry, and her hands were trembling.

“He wouldn't want to be carried that way.” She said, and she looked at the two men with pleading eyes.

“We have to bring him out with dignity because he wouldn't want it any other way and I…”

Kouga gently lifted him from his shoulders, and Inuyasha and Kouga took one side of Sesshoumaru each.

“Kagome,” Kouga said.

“Don't worry. He will be okay, and we will do this the way you want it to be done.”

Kagome didn't know why she was making such a fuss. Sesshoumaru was only sick, and yet…

The first time Souta had been sick, she had thought it would be nothing, and then his life had been in danger. Though In her head, she knew that what Sesshoumaru had was probably nothing.

Sesshoumaru would be fine…but she couldn't help but be extra worried.

She didn't like to see him so…vulnerable. She was used to seeing him as a strong, over confident, arrogant bastard. She wanted him to be the youkai that made her life impossible again.

“Come on, Kagome.” Inuyasha said.

“You said you wanted to get him out. Well, let's get him out. I suppose you're taking him to your house?”

Kagome nodded, giving them both grateful looks. At least they were helping her, for now. Atleast they weren't trying to kill each other.

“My car is in the parking lot.” Kagome told them.

They nodded and started to move. Kagome opened the door for them and went to get the elevator.

It took them far longer than Kagome had expected to take Sesshoumaru downstairs. People looked at them oddly, and when they recognized Sesshoumaru and then Inuyasha, they started asking stupid questions and blocking the way. Fortunately for Kagome, Inuyasha and Kouga's temper could come handy, and they shouted bad words Kagome didn't know even existed.

People moved right away after that.

Finally, they reached the lobby... only to find another interruption.

“Ma'am! I am completely sorry for my behavior earlier. I had no idea of who you were. If I had known…”

Kagome looked at the receptionist. Now, Kagome was usually a very, ehem, patient person, and always listened to what other people had to say. If anyone wanted to ask for an apology, Kagome was always more than welcome to receive it.

But today, it seemed, was not the receptionist's day because Kagome did not feel like standing around and talking to this woman. She had no tolerance to listen to her apologies.

What Kagome wanted was to get Sesshoumaru to their house and call a doctor. The receptionist was in her way. The receptionist would have to pay for being in her way.

“I'm sure,” Kagome said, signally to Inuyasha and Kouga to keep going.

“That whatever you have to say is…interesting.” Kagome glared at the woman.

“But you'll have to make an appointment to talk to me.”

And with that, Kagome walked away, catching up with the other three, and leaving the receptionist to worry about the stability of her job.

`Stupid people', Kagome thought. `Ever heard of wrong timing?'

“Kagome,” said Inuyasha, looking around the parking lot.

“I don't see your car anywhere. Are you sure you parked it here?”

“If she says she did, then she did, dog breath.”

“Look, you fucking bastard…”

Kagome rolled her eyes.

“Weren't you the bastard?” Kouga said with an evil twinkle in his eyes.

Inuyasha snapped. He let go of Sesshoumaru to grab the collar of Kouga's shirt.

Kagome saw Sesshoumaru slowly slipping and made a dash to him.

“Inuyasha!” She yelled. Sesshoumaru was way too heavy for her to lift.

“If you don't come over here, I'm going to make you regret it.”

“But…”

“You too, Kouga.”

“I haven't let go of Sesshoumaru.”

“But you are making Inuyasha angry. Stop it before you make me angry.” She warned.

Inuyasha slowly let go of Kouga and went to his previous position.

“I don't think it's fair. Why should I be helping my stupid half brother?” Inuyasha muttered.

“Because he is your half brother, and I asked you to.” Kagome told him.

“Yeah, Mutt. Do as she says.”

Inuyasha practically barked at him.

“You are doing what she says, too!”

Kouga shrugged.

“I'd do anything that pleases her.”

Inuyasha sent daggers through him.

“You…”

But Kagome couldn't have them starting to fight again. Sesshoumaru, although it didn't seem to them, was what was important right now.

“Follow me.” Kagome said, leading them to her car and opening it swiftly.

“Put him on the back seat. Kouga, go with him. Inuyasha, take the passenger's seat.”

Kouga looked like he was about to argue, but Kagome sent him a look that shut him up.

Inuyasha was not moving.

“What is it?” She asked him.

“This isn't your car.”

Kagome leaned her head to the side.

“I think I would know my car.”

Inuyasha shook her head.

“This isn't the car you had when…”

Kagome knew what the problem was right away. This wasn't the car she'd had when they'd been dating.

“Sesshoumaru bought me this one.”

He looked at her strangely.

“I thought you loved your car.”

Kagome sighed.

“I did.”

“Then why did you accept this one?”

“Hey, I thought we were on a hurry?”

Kagome slid into the driver's seat.

“I wasn't keen to the idea of a new car, but Sesshoumaru gave me no choice.”

“Huh?”

“My car disappeared one day and was never found again.”

“And you let it go?”

Kagome let out a soft laugh.

“Of course not. We argued like hell until Sesshoumaru told me that my car had mysteriously exploded; I could have this one or walk.”

“And you let it go then?”

Kagome was already maneuvering out of the parking lot.

“I walked for over a week, but then I decided that I liked this car.”

Kagome focused on her driving, and Kouga was checking on Sesshoumaru and stealing glances at Kagome. They didn't notice the grim look on Inuyasha's face.

***

Every servant for the Taisho family was inspected very carefully. They were watched and investigated before they had a permanent place at the house.

No one worked at the mansion if they didn't pass Jaken's very strict qualifications and examinations.

Jaken loved his job.

Throughout the centuries, he had served the Taisho family. He was loyal to the bone and would rather die than betray anyone of his masters.

However, even though he had sworn to serve all the Tashios' forever, he held a special place for Lord Sesshoumaru.

When Sesshoumaru was born, his father had called him to the room. He told him that over anyone and everything, he would have to watch over his son.

Back then, things had been very different. The only law that existed was the one where the strong one ruled and the weak one bowed.

Everything was a mess, and the world was in constant warfare. To survive, one had to not only be good, but be the best.

The Taisho family knew that, and so they were the best. Even in those tormented days, they were respected and feared. It had been a great honor to watch over Lord Sesshoumaru.

Jaken, even more than Lord Sesshoumaru's father, watched him grow.

Jaken was there when Lord Sesshoumaru was walking, and he was there when he said his first words.

He was there when his mother would sing him lullabies.

There when Lord Sesshoumaru's father came home, only to go away again, leaving Lord Sesshoumaru to watch his leave with sad eyes.

He was there when his Lord decided to start fighting, just to make his father proud. He was there when Lord Sesshoumaru's mother died and when he became the finest fighter.

He was there when the son stopped looking at the father with sad eyes and started looking at him with hard ones.

He was there when Sesshoumaru found out about his father's concubine and had decided to kill his half brother. He was there when he failed at that.

He was there when he took a human child under his wing and there when she died.

Through centuries, Jaken had always been there for his Lord. Not once had he missed an event in his Lord's life.

It had started as a duty, and later it had become his reason for living.

Now, as he watched his Lord being carried by the hanyou and the wolf demon, with his Lord's lady behind them, he couldn't help but panic.

“What did you do to my Lord?” His first reaction was to, of course, accuse Inuyasha.

“I didn't do anything, Toad. He fainted, and we brought him here. Be thankful.”

Jaken eyed them suspiciously. He took a look at his Lord. The great Sesshoumaru might've gotten sick about three times in his long life. It was a rare event, but when he did happen, it usually came hard on the Lord. He turned to look at Sesshoumaru's wife.

“Call a doctor, Jaken, and tell Yuri to bring towels and cold water. We'll try to get his fever down.”

“Yes, ma'am.” said Jaken, running to the phone to call on his Lord's physician.

“Where do we put him?” Kouga asked.

“He's heavy, you know.”

“Aren't you supposed to be extra strong?” Kagome told him, clearly annoyed.

“Keh- stop it, and tell us where to put him.” Inuyasha said angrily.

Clearly, he didn't like to be in the middle of Sesshoumaru's mansion, helping him, and in presence of Kouga.

“We'll bring him to our room.”

Kagome said it without thinking twice. It was their room. Her things were there and so were his. The room was decorated to both their likes, and they slept there, bathed there, and lived there.

Kouga and Inuyasha, it seemed, were quite surprised by this, and nearly dropped Sesshoumaru again. Kagome was already climbing the stairs.

“Won't you hurry?” She told them, but both youkai wore looks difficult to identify.

Jaken wondered if maybe he should call someone else to transport Lord Sesshoumaru to his room.

“Your room?” Inuyasha questioned his mouth half open.

“You share a room with him?”

Kagome rolled her eyes. “Of course I do. We are married, you know.”

Jaken thought it seemed that Kagome didn't want to delay much on this topic.

“But…”Inuyasha started, “you and him haven't…”

Kagome blushed.

“Well, no, but we still share the room.”

“You sleep in the same room?” It seemed Kouga had become temporarily stupid.

“In the same bed?” Very temporarily stupid.

Kagome was losing her patience.

“Yes, I do. Now, if you would please follow me?”

Jaken saw the wild looks that crossed the youkai and hanyou, but they did what the miko ordered them. He also saw the look the human gave his Lord.

She was worried for him.

He could sympathize with her on that. Jaken knew all about worrying for his Lord. After all, he had always being there.

Even when he brooded because of his father's death and his imminent marriage to a human. He watched as the two of them quarreled to no end and saw the change in both of them, but especially on his Lord, when they came back from London.

They still fought. They yelled. They didn't get along very well. But his Lord had allowed her to move her things into his room, and sometimes Jaken caught him watching his wife with much more intensity than he had ever looked at anyone else.

His Lord was cold to everyone, but he wasn't cold to her. He … showed her emotions, even if they were only anger.

It was more than what anyone else had ever received.

Jaken thought he knew what would happen next, and would be there to witness it. After all, Jaken was always there.

He knew Lord Sesshoumaru.

***

Kouga didn't know what he wanted.

He stared their bedroom door and frowned at the thought. Hell, he wanted to destroy the whole room, take Kagome, and run away with her. He couldn't imagine…

He didn't want to think it possible.

It had to be a joke.

Kagome, his Kagome, couldn't be married to Sesshoumaru Taisho. It wasn't possible. It wasn't real. It couldn't be. He would not believe it. He refused…

And yet…

He had seen Kagome's face when Sesshoumaru had fainted. She had that look that he had only seen once before on her face, and that was when the doctors had told her about Souta's sickness.

He didn't want that look to be on her face because of Sesshoumaru.

He knocked softly on the door.

“Come in.”

Kagome's voice was muffled, as if she didn't want to disturb the sleeping youkai.

“He won't wake up. From what the doctor told me, he gave him something to knock him out for a while.”

“Okay, if you are sure.” Kagome's voice was a bit more audible, but her face was still worried.

Kouga hated to see her worried.

“He'll be fine. He just has the equivalent to what humans call flu. It's just stronger, but he'll live.”

He meant to make it a joke, but Kagome frowned and pressed another cold towel on Sesshoumaru's forehead. He still had a fever, and she was determined to bring it down.

Kagome sighed.

“The doctor said that he would be fine as long as he took his medicine. He also has to stay a couple of days in bed. I don't…how the hell did he get sick? Isn't he like, uh, superman?”

“Superman?”

Kagome blushed a little.

“Yeah, you know, super strong, super fast, and never gets sick?”

Kouga couldn't help but bark out a laugh.

“Yeah, I suppose he is like superman, but he had to get sick sometime. If I remember correctly, last time he got sick was about a hundred and something years ago. He probably got it in London, but because of his strength, only until now did the sickness surface.”

“A hundred years ago?”

Kouga looked away from her.

“It doesn't matter.”

“Won't you get sick too?”

Kouga frowned.

“Maybe, but probably not. But I do hope dog breath gets sick.”

Kagome turned to look at him with curious eyes.

“I didn't know you knew Sesshoumaru.”

Kouga shrugged.

“We met…”

He never liked to talk about exactly how old they were.

“A long time ago, when we were children.”

“You're his friend?”

Kouga laughed.

“I'm the closest thing he has to a friend.”

This was true. Sesshoumaru never let anyone get too close to him. Kouga took a look around the room. It looked like something Sesshoumaru would like, except there were some things that were definitely out of place. Things that could only belong to Kagome. He narrowed his eyes.

So, it was true. They did share room.

Of course, that was perfectly normal if they were married. What Kouga didn't want was for them to be married.

“He told me he was marrying a human. I didn't know it was you.”

His voice sounded strange, even to him.

He didn't know what feelings he was trying to hide, but he was sure it was something between desperation and pain. If he had known about the wedding, he didn't know what he would have done. He might have tried to ruin it. He was sure he would have at least kidnapped her.

“I would have invited you, but I didn't know where to reach you.” she said, giving him a look before returning her attention to Sesshoumaru.

Kouga closed his eyes before he stepped closer to her. He lowered himself, so he was eye level with her.

“I wouldn't have gone. Not with any other purpose than to stop it.”

And her eyes flashed to his, and Kouga felt himself losing control in her blue pools. He wanted to bring her closer to him and never let her go. He wanted her scent to fill him. He wanted to run his hand through her hair, over her body, to hear her name come from his lips in love.

He wanted her. He had always wanted her.

“Kouga…”

The world was still for a moment and Kouga felt like screaming. Sesshoumaru wasn't the right one for her. She was sweet and innocent, and Sesshoumaru was anything but that.

Sesshoumaru was tainted with centuries of blood and death and deception and not an ounce of feeling.

The dog youkai would not change now, and though he had showed more emotions since that little human girl, he would never be able to love Kagome.

“Why did you marry him?”

Kouga was sure Kagome knew that happiness wasn't by his side.

“I had to.”

“Why?”

“He promised to save my brother.”

Kouga felt like crying for her. He reached out to touch her, but she shifted and drew closer to Sesshoumaru.

“He hasn't mated you, and he never will. He can't love you, Kagome. And…”

Kagome cut him off.

“I'm married to him, Kouga, and you can't change it.” Her eyes were fierce.

“You weren't there when I needed you. And Inuyasha wasn't there when I needed him, but Sesshoumaru was. He may not have been there for the greatest of reasons, but he was there. He has helped me and is still helping me when none of you two could.”

“You wanted time and space, and I gave it to you. I gave you as long as I could. These six years haven't been easy for me!” Kouga exclaimed, anger taking the best of him.

He had left her six years ago because Kagome had wanted to find herself. She was too young, and he had already lived too much. She needed time. She needed to be away from him. It had hurt him deeply, but he had accepted.

“I promised I would return when you were ready.” And he had. He had promised, and now that he was back in her life, she had moved on.

“I went out with Inuyasha a year after we broke up.” Kagome said.

“I don't think it would have worked anymore, anyway.”

That hurt more than her marriage to Sesshoumaru, but Kouga was not one to give up. He wouldn't let go of Kagome without a fight.

“I don't care if you are married to him.” He said, pulling her attention back to him.

“I don't care if this ruins my friendship with him, or if other youkai look down at me. You are not mated, and even if you were, I would have you. I would fight for you. I will fight for you. I'd endure anything for you.”

Her eyes widened. She knew what his words meant. Kouga was satisfied by this.

“You are my woman, and I will not have it any other way. So Kagome, choose me.” And with that, as if to give force to his words, he seized the back of her head and brought her face close to him.

“My woman.” he said intensely, and then he collided his lips with hers, savoring her, begging for her acceptance, kissing her with the fire that he knew Sesshoumaru would never be able to give her.

The kiss was both passionate and fierce, and Kouga did not pull away until he knew his point had been made. A part of him told him that it was wrong to kiss Kagome when Sesshoumaru couldn't do anything.

Another part told him that Kagome had not responded, and that was definitely not right.

Most of it told him that this was a great beginning to his fight, and that he would definitely get her back. He liked that best. Kouga got up.

“I can help you and your brother and give you anything you need.” He said.

He wasn't as rich and powerful as Sesshoumaru; no one was. But Kouga still had more than enough to live like a king for a very long time. And being Chief Police, he did have some power.

“He doesn't care about you, Kagome. But I do.”

***

Kagome stared at the place where Kouga had been moments before.

The nerve of him! How dare he kiss her! And how dare he do it when Sesshoumaru could not act!

And she had not been able to pull away because the idiot was a thousand times stronger than her as he held her face in place.

This would not end like this! As soon as Sesshoumaru woke up he would…

She swallowed.

She would not tell Sesshoumaru, because it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. No matter how much Kouga tried or how much he loved her, it would not be enough.

She would stay with Sesshoumaru until she died, but she was sad for Kouga, fighting a battle that could never, ever win.

Six years. It had been six years since she had last seen Kouga.

When she had first laid eyes on him, it had been because he had hugged her by the waist, quite close to himself, and he had told her that she was a mirage on a hot dessert and had chosen her to be his woman.

Kagome had laughed and brushed him off. But he had not been discouraged by her laughter, simply following her around the University like a lost puppy. He carried her books, bought her lunch, and did anything that would catch her attention.

Kouga had succeeded.

There was something about being followed by a handsome, determined, successful, wolf youkai that had caught her interest. She had started dating him, and then weeks turned into months and then into years.

Kagome had been happy with him in all the time they'd been together, but…

Sometimes Kagome had seen a dark look cross his eyes.

Later, she'd seen that same look in Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru's eyes, but at the time she had been with Kouga, she hadn't understood. She hadn't been able to comprehend that living for such a long time brought shadows that could never be healed.

She had been afraid because he had lived for such a long time, and she wasn't that old at all. And Kouga wanted so much from her…She wasn't sure she could give him what he wanted and it wasn't fair to make him think she could.

She had let him go, telling him that she needed time for herself before making such ties with anyone else.

He had smiled sadly at her and nodded.

“One day, you'll be my woman.”

One month later, Souta fell sick.

Kagome was in despair and had tried to contact the purple eyed youkai. But it had been in vain.

She supposed she could have asked Sango to find him for her, but she hadn't wanted to. She was eighteen and calling him would be like accepting him forever. Kagome did not want that with him.

She did love him, but she didn't know if she could love him forever.

She had decided to suffer on her own.

That didn't mean she hadn't missed his caring touches and glances or his passionate affection for her. At times she had even thought that it would be better to be his woman than to be so alone.

But she hadn't looked for him.

Instead, she had decided to go through Souta's sickness alone, and it had been in that time that she had learned to understand the darkness that sometimes crossed his eyes.

She understood the shadow because she had caught a glimpse of it one day while she looked at herself in the mirror. It hadn't been as intense, but it had been there, and Kagome understood.

She was only eighteen, and she was already touched by the hardness that life sometimes brought.

She didn't know how long he had been alive, but she knew it was many decades. Kagome didn't search for him.

For when she finally understood Kouga, it had been too late for them.

Even if she wasn't married to Sesshoumaru, there was Inuyasha.

Kagome just didn't think there was an opportunity for Kouga and her.

That didn't stop her from wondering what could have been.

“One day, you'll be my woman.”

And if she hadn't been so afraid then, maybe she would have been happy by his side.

***

Inuyasha hated Kouga as much as he hated Sesshoumaru, sometimes more. He hated him now more than ever. The Wolf had dated Kagome. Inuyasha wondered how much he hated Sesshoumaru now that he was married to her.

“Stop molesting her. She doesn't want you. Leave.” He snarled at the wolf as soon as he came back.

Kouga glared at him.

“I have every right to be here.” Kouga snarled back.

“You have nothing to do here. If Kagome wanted your help, she would have called you.”

Inuyasha knew he had touched a tender spot when Kouga literally tried to bite his neck off.

“You know nothing about what she wants.”

“I know she wants me more than she wants you.”

“Kagome would never lower herself to a mutt.”

“Kagome would never waste her time with trash.”

Hanyou and youkai glared at each other.

“You are already married and mated. If anyone has any right to pursue her, it is me.”

“She's married too.”

“Yes, but I'm willing to take the collateral damage pursuing her would bring. I'm sure you are not.”

“I could make her happy again.”

“You had her, and you let her go. In fact, you changed her. How stupid can one be? If I had Kagome, I would never let her go. No, dog breath. You would not sacrifice anything for her, but I would sacrifice it all. So stop barking and get out of my way.”

“You know nothing of what I would do for her.”

Kouga shook his head.

“You are so idiotic, but even you had to see the look on Kagome's face. What she is starting to feel is unmistakable, and you are losing her. Once you lose her, you'll never gain her back, but I scan. I can make her care for me again, and you…you have already lost half the battle.”

Inuyasha was about to reply, but the wolf youkai had taken off running, and he was left to yell at thin air.

His hatred for Kouga intensified. He went to see Kagome, not even bothering to knock on the door.

To his dismay, All Kagome's whole attention was for Sesshoumaru. He didn't think she even knew how absorbed she was in him. He tried to tell himself that she acted like that because the situation reminded her of her brother.

His ears still went flat.

“You can't seriously give a damn about him.” He burst out.

Kagome didn't take her eyes from Inuyasha's much hated half-brother.

“I have to take care of him.”

“Keh. The idiot is too strong to die. He'll be fine without you.”

Kagome tightened her fist.

“I want to take care of him.”

Inuyasha was quiet for some time. He didn't know what to do, and for once, action seemed to fail him. Never before had Kagome put Sesshoumaru before him. In their wedding, she had yelled at Sesshoumaru because he had hurt him. In the few arguments they had, she had taken Inuyasha's side.

Now, she was taking his, and Inuyasha didn't know what to do about that.

“He won't care. He won't even acknowledge it.”

“It doesn't matter.”

“Kagome…”

“No, Inuyasha; he is sick and I will tend to him. Nothing you say or do will change that.”

She spoke fiercely, and her eyes shone. Inuyasha got lost in passion.

Once, it had all been for him.

“You love me.” He whispered, and it made Kagome's eyes dull for a moment. It was like putting salt on an open injury.

“Nothing good has come out of loving you.” she whispered back.

“We had our good moments.”

Kagome let out a bitter laugh.

“You still left me for Kikyo.”

“You haven't negated your love for me.”

Kagome lowered her eyes.

“You know I can't.” She said.

“But…I am Sesshoumaru's wife, and I won't leave him just to become your lover.”

That struck. Once, Kagome would have done anything for him. Now, she was choosing to stay by his half-brother's side. He got angry.

“He will never love you. He'll only see you as something he had to do and nothing more.”

“..I know.”

“Then why stay by his side?”

“Because,” Kagome started,

“He didn't throw me away, and he'll stay with me until I die, and that is more than what you did. You are mated. You have a wife. What can you offer me?”

“I can offer you love.”

Kagome stood and strode quickly to his side. “You can offer me half a love.”

“It's more than what he can offer you.”`

“Loving you as I do, I could never accept that.”

“Maybe you don't love me enough. Maybe you never loved me enough to be able to keep me at your side.”

He saw it happen before she even moved, but he was still unable to stop it. Her palm raised, and before he knew it, is made contact with his cheek. Physically, it did not hurt. Emotionally…

Kagome slapped him. She had slapped him. Inuyasha stood stunned.

“You have no right,” she said, anger clear in every word, “to question my love to you. And you have no right to demand me to leave him. Get out of here, Inuyasha. Just because I love you doesn't mean I'll allow you to insult me. Not anymore.”

“Kagome, I didn't mean…”

But Kagome was too tired of his excuses.

“Go back to your wife. I have to take care of my husband.”

Inuyasha left the room feeling dizzy. Half way to his home, he felt a sneeze come, and then a cough.

“Fuck.”

It was almost certain he had catch whatever sickness Sesshoumaru had. Knowing he had broken all of Sesshoumaru's barriers by being so close to him, it was certain that he would catch it immediately, with effects in less than an hour.

“I. Am. Going. To. Kill. Him!”

Not only did he drive Kagome away, he also made himself sick. If he wasn't already feeling sick, he would go back to Sesshoumaru's house and kill him while he could.

***

After Kouga was gone from her life, and her brother was as healthy as he could get, Kagome met Inuyasha.

She couldn't stand the arrogant, annoying, stubborn hanyou, and she hadn't been looking for another relationship. She didn't want another relationship. Kouga was still in her heart, and she didn't fancy getting involved with anyone in any way.

Inuyasha had changed all that with one cup of coffee. They discussed a lot the first few weeks, but that changed fast.

Kagome knew she was lost even before the first month of their relationship.

She loved him with a passion that she didn't know was inside her. Inuyasha was rapidly becoming her entire world. Her life revolved around him. After Souta's sickness, Inuyasha's strong character gave her confidence and a secure floor to walk on.

If anyone had told her that she would have ended up married to Inuyasha's brother, she would have laughed at their foolishness.

No way in this life would she ever want anyone that wasn't Inuyasha.

Inuyasha started taking her time. She always wanted to be next to him. She needed to know what he did every second of the day.

She had to keep him just for herself. She was obsessed. When Inuyasha told her he hated it when she asked so many questions, she didn't doubt it for a second. She stopped asking questions even if curiosity nagged her every night.

She would do anything to keep him by her side. She did everything he wanted. She never objected to his wishes, and she tried to become everything he could ever dream off.

She should have known that would be her mistake.

“Keh, Kagome. Just be you.”

She had wanted to be all Inuyasha wanted, and ironically, that had been the reason for their breakup.

Inuyasha wanted more than a doll that would comply with his every wish.

Inuyasha had cheated on her, betrayed her trust and love, and had married another. But Kagome wasn't all naive. She wasn't that much of a victim. She had changed. She had become what she swore never to be. In a way, she had started the downfall of their relationship.

It was only until now that she could see that.

It didn't mean that it didn't hurt anymore.

Through Kagome's head, the hundred of things she could have done kept playing in her mind. A thousand ways in which she could have saved their relationship. A million ways to make things work.

But Kagome had been too scared.

She wanted to give him all she was. She needed him and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She wanted to commit to him.

Once, she had been scared of such a complete tying. But she had looked for that in Inuyasha. But she was so scared that she would lose him, that in at the end she had caused a fraction of their separation.

But it had been both their faults.

“Keh, Kagome. Just be you.”

Fear had ruined two relationships with two men that could have made her happier than what she could ever imagine. She had let it escape all because of fear.

All Inuyasha had wanted was for her to be who she was.

All Kouga wanted was for her to be by his side.

Kagome looked at Sesshoumaru. She had been married to him for more than two months. She didn't love him. She wouldn't even go as far as to call them friends.

But they were married, and unlike with Inuyasha and Kouga, she could be just who she was with him.

Sesshoumaru didn't expect anything from her but the truth, and Kagome gave him that.

She was who she was and he was who he was, and they atleast respected that of each other. She wasn't scared of commitment; she was already committed to him She wasn't scared of being left behind; he had already said he would be with her until she died.

There was no love between them, but there was honesty and there was a fire in Kagome that had not been there before.

So she was herself with Sesshoumaru. There was no fear to ruin this relationship because there was no relationship fear could ruin. And ironically, that was what made things perfect.

And although she did wonder how her life could have been with Kouga, she didn't do that with Inuyasha.

There was no need.

She had seen it and it had been perfect, and she had lost it.

But she didn't want it anymore.

Hopes like those were not important anymore.

They would not happen, and Kagome refused to dream the impossible. And besides, life with Sesshoumaru wasn't half bad.

In fact, life with Sesshoumaru was more than tolerable, and she was perfectly happy to stay by his side for as long as forever was for her.