InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Victory Suite ❯ Victory's Dream ( Chapter 2 )

Author's Note: “Victory's Dream” is a one-shot story, but it's also the second movement of the three-part symphony, “Victory Suite.” Disclaimer: Of course, I don't have any claim on InuYashaor any of these characters - except in my dreams and nightmares- they are the property of R. Takahashi and shall always remain hers.

 

 

 

Victory's Dream

 

 

On the first starlit eve of victory,

peace settles on weary souls,

soothing wounds and seducing the

wise to wish on a deathless path.

But love grinds the wheel of life again,

pulling hope along in the wake of anguish.

Wishes melt into the heart of truth.

 

 

Looking at their broken bodies was like dying with them, and so she looked away, pushing the pain down into darkness.

 

Naraku had become a flailing storm, blotting out the sky with his slithering, glittering menace swirling around an eternal blackness, drawing them in. As the darkness advanced, Kagome knew that in her next breath, she had the power to send him into his own oblivion forever. Midoriko and Kikyou had already exhausted their spiritual forces and weakened the monster that loomed above her with hatred twisting his features. She took a deep breath and channeled their remaining energy, joining it with her own earthly strength, and together the three mikos drew her bow. She heard InuYasha coming up behind her, but did not wait. Concentrating, forcing all her power into that one single shaft, she let it fly to find its mark in the center of darkness.

 

The reaction was instantaneous as the black void began to suck in the tendrils of the beast's body surrounding it, turning Naraku in on himself. And that was when she saw it, the jewel, glittering black on black in the nothingness. She could feel that Naraku was too weak to repel a direct attack on the jewel and so she leaped, knowing that she was the one - the only one with the strength of the three mikos together - that could wrest the jewel from its fleshy prison. Falling into the void, reaching for the jewel, concentrating on that one goal, Kagome fought at the shards and tentacles that assaulted her, tearing at her flesh. She would not allow herself to become distracted by them, since her flesh would heal with the jewel in her grasp, but as she entered the nothingness she made herself vulnerable to something unexpected.

 

Like an explosion in her heart, the pain of watching her friends die screamed up out of darkness, wreathed in bloody agony to surround and assault her. The endless wellspring of her anguish was soon joined by others' suffering as all the horror experienced by Naraku's victims, and his victims' victims came into her, consuming her and driving the darkness into her heart like a stake. As her hand clasped the jewel, flooding her with more misery, she fell to the ground, having failed in her attempt to bring down the evil. Even with the strength and assistance of the other two powerful mikos, he had found her vulnerability and exploited it.

 

Weakened, half purified and denied his fathomless source of power, Naraku made to attack her, but InuYasha was there, above her in a whirl of crimson. Her last memory was of his face, looking at her with fear in his eyes. He was calling her name but she couldn't hear him.

 

I failed. But He's alive. Nothing else matters.

 

++++++++

 

As Kilala touched down outside the old woman's hut, the old miko pushed through the short curtain, concern already etched on her face. Kagome lay unmoving on Kilala's back and Kaede's breath caught in her throat as soon as she saw the girl, bloodied and still.

 

Sango dropped her hiraikotsu on the ground and handed Shippou to the miko. Heavily, she slid to the ground herself and guided Kilala into the hut, pulling Kagome's cold body down and gently laying her next to the fire. Kilala shrank down with an exhausted mew and curled up by the fire, her little head leaning against Kagome's. Sango heard Kaede come up behind her and turned just in time to see the woman's face blanch white as she looked at Kagome holding the jewel between steepled fingers over her heart. Kaede fell to her knees, laying Shippou gently next to Kilala, and placed her hand on Kagome's chest, just above the jewel. Breathing a deep exhale of relief, she quickly moved to a nearby chest and withdrew a warm blanket. As she tucked it tightly around Kagome's body, she gave instructions to Sango on where to find a woolen fabric, how to wrap it around the heated rocks in the fire, and where to place them under the blanket to help warm Kagome's inert form.

 

“Will she be alright?” Sango asked, sliding her eyes down to Kagome's face, perfectly still, and oddly peaceful. Kaede closed her eyes, as if she were straining to hear something not meant to be heard.

 

“She is on a miko journey.” There was fear in Kaede's voice.

 

“A miko journey?” Sango asked, surprised at the implication that anything more than simple physical wounds might be threatening her friend.

 

“Yes.” Kaede removed her hand and placed it softly back in her lap. “She will return a full miko, or,” her face pinched, “she will not return to us at all.” Her eyes slipped to Sango's waist where the broken pieces of Tetsusaiga were lashed. Sango followed her eyes and took a deep breath.

 

“I have to take Tetsusiaga to Toutousai to be repaired.” The woman looked like she was going to drop from exhaustion where she stood, but she also looked fearful and determined.

 

+++++++++++

 

The sunlight was stunning, spattering through the gold, yellow and red-orange leaves in the glade, captivating Kagome's attention with glowing warmth that spread through her, body and soul. She felt the sun on her face, felt the clear, crisp autumn breeze on her cheeks and smelled the rich, loamy scents of the earth underneath her. She heard water and glanced around to see a small waterfall pooling into a little pond, pushing impossibly clear water up against a tiny beach.

 

Laying back on the grass and stretching luxuriously, she let the most heart-warming thought come to her again, just as it had continuously been streaming through her mind ever since she could remember. He is alive. Nothing else matters.

 

She'd been so afraid for Him, for all of them. The battle had been horrible, bloody and heart-wrenching. And now it was over and she had a feeling of well-being she hadn't experienced in so long, she wasn't even sure she had ever felt it before. No pressure. No need. No desires. No time constraints. She felt peaceful and at one with everything. Closing her eyes, she thought she could almost melt into the hillside, merge with the sun and become one of the bright leaves dancing in the breeze. For fun, she imagined what that might feel like and giggled as she felt her body sway on gentle waves of air. Being a leaf was fun. The smile on her face felt good and she kept it there as she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Maybe she would sleep.

 

Before she could fade away, she heard a sound and opened her eyes to find five figures sitting across from her, their backs to the waterfall. Sitting up she smiled at the beaming faces of Kikyou, Kouga, Kohaku and Naraku and Midoriko. It felt as though the six of them just sat together forever, basking in the quietude and solace of the glade. It was Kikyou that spoke first.

 

“Welcome, Kagome,” Kikyou's voice was soft and warm, infused with love.

 

Kagome knew that she was not required to respond, and so she didn't. She just continued to smile. They sat for a long time, comfortable in silence. After a while, a thought occurred to her and she voiced it, even as her heart told her the answer didn't matter.

 

“The battle is over, right?” She laughed at her own questions. “We won, didn't we?”

 

“You achieved your goal,” it was Naraku that spoke, “and we are here.” His handsome face was full of love and joy. Some part of her recognized how odd this seemed, but the feelings coming off him were genuine and she basked in them like the sunlight on her skin.

 

Midoriko's face bloomed in a beatific smile.

 

“You can stay here as long as you need to. Rest and heal.” Kohaku.

 

A small nag in the back of her mind at these words got lost as she looked at the love beaming from Kouga's eyes. This was not something she'd ever seen in him before. She remembered affection and caring, but never these waves of love and acceptance flowing between them. He did not speak. He did not have to. She closed her eyes and enjoyed it all, their smiles, their love, the sun. After so much pain, the love felt wonderful, filling her again, sustaining her. She kept her eyes closed for a very long time.

 

++++++++++++

 

Kaede slept fitfully the first night, tending to Kagome's body and doing what she could to pray strength into the girl for her spirit journey. The older miko knew that Kagome was very strong and very powerful. But she was also young and untrained, and her body was badly injured. Kaede was very tired and she also needed energy to keep Shippou occupied and busy. The little kitsune was so upset that when he was still, he quivered and shook, unconsciously channeling his worries into action. Kaede had put him in charge of water, collecting it, warming it and removing it once dirtied. The activity seemed to help Shippou, but the continuous instructions to him, as well as the constant praying were beginning to tire the older woman. Despite her fatigue, Kaede woke constantly in the night to tend the girl as best she could.

 

The next day was even harder, Shippou had become morose and Kaede could tell he was slipping into depression. She had her hands full caring for her own needs and Kagome. At one point, she sent Shippou out to collect some roots from the storage shed on his way to the well, which left her alone with Kagome. After changing her bandages again and praying for her, she sat and tried to look at the young woman's face, but she could not take her eyes off the jewel. Complete again, as she had not seen it in over fifty years, Kaede could not ignore the omen in the way Kagome held it - in the exact position that Kikyou had held the jewel on her funeral pyre. As she stared at it, its purple opalescence made Kaede long to touch it. The omen and the beauty came together in her and she decided to try to reposition Kagome's hands so that the omen could be banished. As her hands touched lightly on Kagome's fingers, pushing against each other over the glowing ball of temptation and power, Kaede felt a distinct shock jump from Kagome's fingers to hers and she jerked away. Clearly, the omen intended to stay. Kaede did not touch Kagome's hands again and her worry grew.

 

The day passed very slowly. Just as dusk was settling on the cold land outside, Kaede and Shippou heard a familiar roar on the wind and Sango entered the hut moments later, Kilala in her arms. Sango looked even more exhausted than she had before and as she entered, she came to stand before Kaede.

 

“Toutousai said I should give the sword to you or Kagome before taking it to InuYasha.” Sango looked tensely at Kagome. “What should I do?”

 

Kaede put a hand out and made to touch Tetsusaiga's sheath, but before her fingers made contact, she felt a resistance, a slight push, and she withdrew. “Lay it on Kagome,” she instructed.

 

Sango knelt to rest the sword lengthwise on Kagome's still form. For reasons she didn't fully understand, she laid the hilt across Kagome's fingers which were protecting the jewel. Immediately, Kagome's eyes opened, unseeing, but bright. Both older women leaned forward to look into them and were disturbed at how unfocused they were.

 

“Kagome,” Kaede said, and was not surprised when the girl didn't respond. No matter how softly or harshly they said her name, the girl would not answer. They both gasped when a very slight light began to grow in the jewel, glowing towards Tetsusaiga. Hoping this was a sign, they continued to call her name, but again she did not respond.

 

“What's wrong with her?” Sango looked at Kaede, worry ringing clear in her voice.

 

“She is still on her miko journey,” Kaede did not take her eyes from Kagome's face, “but there is something else. She and the jewel are connected.”

 

“What does that mean?” Sango sounded distressed.

 

“I do not know.” Kaede had no comfort to give her.

 

 

+++++++++++

 

After some time, Kagome opened her eyes again and the question that had been trying to come forth emerged. “Where is He?”

 

They all continued to smile at her, but did not say anything. For the first time, she felt a small bit of worry. “He's still alive, isn't he?”

 

“He lives.” Kikyou.

 

“Why isn't He here with us?” Kagome was still enjoying herself, and she was pleased that He still lived. Her mind put some things together. “Oh! But you were dead. Does this mean that I'm dead too?” Strangely this thought did not bother her, but struck her as a curiosity. The fact that He was not here to enjoy this beauty and peace did bother her though. It was the one thing that didn't feel absolutely wonderful.

 

“You live as well.” Kouga.

 

“Where are we?” Somehow she knew the answer to her question would not be helpful and she was right.

 

“Everwhere. Nowhere.” Naraku.

 

“Can I bring Him here to be with us?” Kagome wasn't sure she wanted this, but she was curious.

 

“He can only bring himself.” Kohaku.

 

Suddenly, an unbidden image came to Kagome, swimming into her mind, an image of Him lying in the snow, freezing, injured… vulnerable. He was not alone in the danger. She felt a shadow of something familiar. It felt like… fear, and it did not belong in this place.

 

+++++++++

 

Just as the early morning sunlight began to dim the chilled air, Kagome spoke, waking them all instantly.

 

“Take Tetsusaiga to InuYasha,” her voice was flat, emotionless. As they approached her, they noticed that the glow from the jewel had increased in the night and its light was reflecting off the sword's sheath. “The evil is not gone.”

 

“I will.” Sango said. “Kagome, are they alright? Is Miroku-” she swallowed, “still alive?” The girl did not respond. They continued talking to her, but she remained silent.

 

“She's in some kind of trance,” Sango said, readying her things.

 

“No,” Kaede said, brushing the backs of her fingers on Kagome's hair. “It is not a trance.” She looked worried. “She is in another place entirely.”

 

Sango didn't understand these words, and as she came to lift the sword, Kagome spoke again.

 

“Bring me the drink.”

 

Sango looked confused until Kaede came to take the flask of medicinal drink she had prepared for Miroku and knelt to touch it gently to Kagome's hand. The jewel glowed more brightly for a moment and then died back to its previous shine.

 

Kaede handed it back to Sango with a smile. “This is good,” she said and immediately Sango felt better, stronger, seeing a new confidence in Kaede's eyes. Slowly she lifted the sword, but as Tetsusaiga moved further away, the glow of the jewel waned even more and Sango and Kaede looked at each other with renewed concern.

 

“Hurry,” Kaede said tensely, her confidence disappearing, and then Sango was gone again, Kilala at her heels.

 

Shippou had hung back and now came forward to curl against Kagome's side.

 

“Kaede,” he whined, “I'm scared.” Kaede just patted his head, gently, refusing to give false hope.

 

++++++++++++++++++

 

“Will He be alright?” Kagome still felt good, but the fear for Him would not go away, and suddenly she remembered that she'd had the jewel. Could she make a wish? Would that help Him? Touching for the chain at her neck, feeling in her pockets and patting the ground near her, she couldn't find it.

 

“Where is the jewel?” She looked at Naraku, something telling her that he might know where it was.

 

“Here.” All five of her companions held out their hands, even though Midoriko still did not speak, and each one had a shining Shikon no Tama blazing in his or her palm.

 

“What?” Kagome felt curiosity, but no agitation, though part of her felt she should be upset. “But there was only one before.”

 

“There are many.” Naraku.

 

“Which one of those is mine?”

 

“None.” Kouga.

 

“Where is the one I had?” Kagome.

 

“Open your hand.” Kikyou.

 

Kagome looked down at the hand resting in her lap and uncurled her fingers, eyes widening at the glowing purple-pink light that shone back at her. “Oh!” She stared at it for some time, beginning to remember things. Remembering that there was only one jewel where she'd been before. Remembering that the jewel had been in her body once, and then had been taken from her and that she had cursed the land with it. Then she had failed in using her miko powers but had gotten it back and it was hers again. She looked at everyone else's jewel then. A new recognition came to her.

 

“This place, this isn't my home, is it?”

 

“This is everyone's home.” Naraku.

 

“But I …,” Kagome understood, “I can't be alive here, can I?”

 

“You can be here, but you cannot be alive here, yes.” Kohaku.

 

Kagome looked around at the wondrous landscape, the beauty, and realized it was now part of her. She could not be separated from it without enduring great pain. And suddenly, she wanted this place for everyone, everyone she loved and everyone else, too. If they could be here, then there would be no more war, or upset or unhappiness. No one could be unhappy here. Looking down at the jewel again, she asked, “Can I bring this place back with me? Can I make that my wish?”

 

“You may.” Kouga.

 

Kagome felt a moment of hope.

 

“But if you do that, you will stop time.” Kikyou. “There will be no more death. And there will be no more life.”

 

Kagome did not breathe.

 

“When you are here, do you want anything?” Naraku.

 

“Food? Water? Sleep? Companionship?” Kohaku.

 

Kagome thought about these questions and asked herself if any of these things seemed necessary. She had to admit that they did not. She wanted Him to be well, but she knew that if she knew He was well, she could be here without even Him. She shook her head.

 

“This place holds no desire.” Kouga

 

“Things here do not change.” Kikyou.

 

“They do not grow.” Naraku.

 

“They do not die.” Kohaku

 

“They simply are.” Kikyou.

 

“Can you do that to the earth?” Naraku.

 

Kagome shook her head, until another thought occurred to her.

 

“I can go back!” But she did not want to leave this place.

 

“You may.” Naraku.

 

“And everything will be like it was before.” Kagome said, realizing that was impossible.

 

“Nothing is ever the same.” Kouga.

 

“You have the jewel now.” Kohaku.

 

“You will live Kikyou's fate.” Kikyou.

 

“What?”

 

“Living beings will be drawn to the jewel.” Kouga.

 

“They will ask you to use it.” Naraku.

 

“You will be tempted to use it.” Kohaku

 

“If you use it, you will abuse it.” Kikyou.

 

“No I won't.”

 

“If you use it to feed the poor in times of famine, whose plate will you steal from? Kohaku.

 

“In times of abundance, will feeding them help them learn to feed themselves?” Kouga.

 

“If you heal the dying, how will you know they were not meant to pass on to the next life?” Naraku.

 

“You may heal their bodies anyway and watch them die inside.” Kikyou.

 

This was not fair! She felt so happy here. So at peace. All she wanted was for everyone to feel this peace. Was that so much to ask? After all they'd gone through to get the jewel back! Was there no way to use it?

 

“What about my wish?”

 

“You may wish.” Kohaku.

 

“Can I wish for Him to turn human? Or Youkai?”

 

“You may.” Naraku.

 

“But for him to accept it, not grow to hate you for it, it must be his wish.” Kouga.

 

“How can you know his heart's true wish?” Kikyou.

 

Kagome thought about that. How could she ever be completely sure of another's true desire? Sometimes it was hard to even understand what she really wanted. Could she ever presume to know another's heart more clearly than her own? Could she take that risk when wielding such power? She was beginning to understand the reasons not to wish on the jewel. The thought of not knowing when to use it, being constantly pursued, badgered to use it without fully understanding the consequences, bullied and threatened, this was not a life she wanted. But they said she had no choice.

 

“Can I go back, but leave the jewel here?”

 

“It is part of you.” Naraku.

 

Looking around her again, she sighed and felt the warmth of the sunlight soak into her skin again. Her heart spoke.

 

“Can I stay here with you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

+++++++++++++

 

InuYasha rode Kilala with joy in his heart. The day and the night after the battle had been horrible, his senses had been badly damaged by the concussion and he had not been able to see or smell well. Plagued by terrible nightmares, he'd had to overcome not only them, but some remaining pieces of Naraku that hunted them down and preyed on them in the dark. Sick with worry for Kagome and Miroku, still sad in Kikyou's death and vulnerable to his inner youkai without Tetsusaiga, he had to admit that the last two days had been the worst in his life. But Kagome was alive! She'd blessed the Tetsusaiga and Miroku's medicine. He was going to see her and help her heal. Sango had been worried for Kagome when she arrived to give him Tetsusaiga, but she hadn't been able to feel Kagome's blessing through the sword like he had when he touched it. He felt her, knew she had sent him her strength, knew she was waiting for him.

 

The village came into sight and he almost leapt from high in the air, barely able to wait for Kilala to descend. Bounding into Kaede's hut, he was brought up short by the sight of Kaede and Shippou kneeling at Kagome's side, both upset. He could smell the fear in them. Kagome lay unmoving, pale and barely breathing. He smelled the blood still on her and the fear he'd recently pushed away flooded through him again in an instant. Moving to Shippou, he scooted the little kitsune aside and leaned over Kagome.

 

“Kaede,” he said, “what's wrong with her?” The old woman lifted her face to him, her eyes red with tears and lack of sleep.

 

“InuYasha,” she blinked as though seeing that it was really him. “Kagome is on a miko journey. She is in the land of the spirit.”

 

InuYasha knit his eyebrows together, not fully understanding what she was saying. “So?”

 

“She must decide whether to stay there or come back to us,” Kaede closed her eyes.

 

“Can't you do anything for her?” InuYasha began to feel anger. “Give her some medicine? Can I go back to her time and bring medicine for her?”

 

“No.” Kaede looked sad. “Her wounds are not keeping her from us, InuYasha. It is her choice.”

 

“Her choice?” He roared, awash with anger now. Shippou and Kaede both were taken aback by the power of his voice after two days of virtual silence. “After all we've gone through to the get here?” He stood suddenly, causing both Kaede and Shippou to pull away, but Kagome remained unmoving. He looked down at her, feeling the anger whirl around him and realizing just as suddenly that all the anger in the world would not bring her back. With this thought, an icy vortex of fear spiraled down into his heart like a knife, bringing him back to his knees. He felt completely helpless again.

 

“It's not her choice,” he pleaded to no one in particular as he settled back down next to her. His face softened and he reached his hand to Kagome, covering both her hands and the jewel beneath it. Kaede watched this carefully, wondering if he would be repelled as she had been, but nothing happened. His hand held Kagome's and he stared at her face, with an anguished whisper he said, “Kagome. No. Don't do this.”

 

At his words, the girl's eyes opened again. Staring ahead. InuYasha was on his knees, a smile on his lips. “See?” He sounded confident. “I knew it!”

 

“But she did this before!” Shippou was crying. “She didn't know any of us. She just stared. It was almost like she was dead.” InuYasha and Kaede ignored the kit.

 

“Kagome!” InuYasha looked into her eyes. “Kagome! It's me, I'm here. Please wake up,” he was pleading again.

 

Her eyes shifted towards the sound of his voice, but did not focus on him. He was both encouraged and unnerved. “Kagome!”

 

“InuYasha.” Her voice was weak, devoid of feeling, a statement of fact.

 

“Yes!” A spontaneous smile broke on his face. “Kagome, you're okay.”

 

Her eyes shifted away from him and closed, her face impassive. He continued to call her name until night fell, but she did not move or speak. His heart grew heavy once again.

 

++++++++++

 

Kagome felt the sound of her name vibrate in her bones. Her name. His voice. He was with her. She looked around but it was still just the six of them. “InuYasha.” She said the name, remembering. He was there. If she went back, she could be with him. She looked at the jewel in her hand. If she went back, she would have to take the jewel with her. There would be more death, more pain. Looking around the glade again, she felt true sadness for the first time since coming here. Why couldn't it always be like it was here? Why did the horror have to continue? Why did the living have to die?

 

“Is there no way I can use the jewel to bring peace and happiness?”

 

“You may use the jewel to ensure that souls may grow.” Kohaku.

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“If you wish for a soul's growth, the best outcome will occur.” Naraku.

 

“Does that mean I can wish for them not to die?”

 

“You may wish for a soul's growth.” Kikyou.

 

“Is it possible for a soul to grow by dying?”

 

“Yes.” Kikyou.

 

“Is it possible for a soul to grow by being in pain?”

 

“Yes.” Kouga.

 

“Losing a child?”

 

“Yes.” Kohaku.

 

“Hating?”

 

“Yes.” Naraku.

 

Kagome felt upset. The feeling did not belong in this place. It made her angry.

 

“Then what's the point?”

 

“What do you want?” Kikyou.

 

Kagome stopped and thought. She wanted peace. Like she felt here, she wanted it to be like this always, for everyone. And - a strong thought came to her - she also wanted to be with InuYasha. But she couldn't have him and have the peace of this place. She would be pursued. She would be in a place where death, sickness and pain were necessary.

 

“Are you saying that I should use the jewel to cause pain and suffering?”

 

“No.” Naraku.

 

“You have a miko soul and causing suffering will not help your soul to grow.” Kikyou.

 

“I failed at being a miko.”

 

“That test is not yet finished.” Midoriko spoke for the first time. Kagome looked at her, beautiful and sad. The ancient miko smiled.

 

“You mean I can still become a miko?”

 

“It is your only path forward.” Kohaku.

 

“What if don't want to be a miko?”

 

“It is your only path forward.” Kikyou.

 

“I don't understand. If I shouldn't save them from death, save them from unbearable pains, then how can I be a miko and help them?”

 

“Do you want to help them?” Naraku.

 

“Yes! But you said I couldn't help anyone!” She was feeling frustrated.

 

“You can help them.” Kouga.

 

“How? You said that they need pain to grow, but that I shouldn't cause them pain. And I shouldn't heal them or give them food when they are hungry. I don't understand. How do I help them?”

 

“They will grow through pain; just like you will grow through pain. But they grow more fully when their pain is soothed so that it does not overwhelm them and they can come to understand it. That is how they grow.” Naraku.

 

“Do you wish to help them?” Kikyou.

 

Kagome was quiet, trying to absorb their words. It was beginning to make sense, but she was horrified when she thought about what it could mean.

 

“You mean, I can help them by watching them encounter suffering, and even death, and soothing their pain along the way?”

 

“Yes.” Naraku.

 

“You have the power to heal their spirits, take some of their pain into you, leaving them only what they need to grow. Sometimes you can heal their bodies, but not always.” Kouga.

 

“But…” memories came to her and when she looked at Kouga, tears came into her eyes, “when I watched you die, I thought I was going to die too.” The tears spilled down her cheeks. “And, Kohaku, when you died, I held Sango until I couldn't hold her anymore, and I felt her pain and it was like I died, too.”

 

“Yes.” Kohaku.

 

Tears continued to fall down her cheeks, the pain was twisting inside her, squeezing her, killing her. Suddenly, a door opened in her heart and she felt as though all the world's suffering was flowing into her. She'd felt this before. It had defeated her.

 

“It hurts.”

 

“Kagome.” Kikyou.

 

“Look around you.” Naraku.

 

“Feel the love of this place.” Kohaku.

 

“Let the pain go.” Kouga.

 

With these words, she felt another opening inside her, allowing the horrible twisted agony collecting in her to leave and disperse. At the same time, she felt abundant love flow into her and back to the sources of pain. Soon she was little more than a conduit for the suffering and sorrow, through her, matched only by the return flow of love.

 

“As long as you remember this place…” Kohaku.

 

“Keep the doors open…” Kikyou.

 

“Continue to let the pain go…” Kouga.

 

“The peace will come to you, and through you to others.” Naraku.

 

“I don't know if I can die that many times. I don't know if I can be that strong.” Kagome lifted her hands to her chest, trying to breathe deeply. It still hurt, but it was better.

 

“With love in your heart…” Kohaku.

 

“You can be that strong…” Kouga.

 

“Because love never dies…” Naraku.

 

“That is what a miko does.” Kikyou.

 

Midoriko beamed at her.

 

++++++++

 

InuYasha's head lay on Kagome's stomach, his hand over hers and the jewel. He listened to the sounds of her body, her shallow breath, her weak heartbeat, the little noises of her organs. As long as there was sound, he had hope. She'd sent him her blessing. He had to believe she would come back.

 

Kaede and Shippou had both gone to the other side of the hut and were asleep, leaving her in his care. He rose every hour as Kaede had instructed him, squeezing small amounts of water from a cloth into her mouth, checking her wounds and changing the bandages. And then he would talk to her. But nothing happened. She hadn't opened her eyes again or spoken his name. He felt sick, but he kept hoping.

 

At one point in the early hours of the morning, he went through this routine and sat to look at her again. He looked at the jewel under his hands as they held hers, the thing that had started the tragedy that had consumed his life for what seemed like an eternity. He'd been a sorry excuse for a human and a sorry excuse for a youkai until he'd first gotten wind of the potential to change that by using the jewel. And ever since he'd begun trying to get it, use it to become something that could find a place in the world, he'd felt nothing but deep love and horrible tragedy. Suddenly, he felt like grabbing the thing out of her hands and throwing it as far away as he could. But he knew that would only start the whole stupid cycle over again. Couldn't they just walk away from it? Leave it to others? He'd finally found the place he belonged and it was fading away before his eyes. The sadness pressed down on him like a smothering blanket and he could hardly breathe.

 

“Kagome,” he said, feeling like he needed to speak to get breath into his lungs, “please come back. I need you. I want you.” I love you. He couldn't say those words, because his breath had left him completely, bringing on the unfamiliar sting of tears in his eyes. Feeling completely defenseless, he allowed the thoughts to come through him like a prayer. I don't want anything else but you. I don't want the jewel. I don't want to be anything else. I just want to be with you. Please. Come back to me so I can love you. Let me be strong for you. Please.

 

He laid his head down on her again, listening. For a moment, he thought her body was silent and panic began to rise in him, and then he heard her take a deeper breath, heard her heartbeat again, as though it had stopped and then started again with greater speed. He rose up to look at her face and found her eyes open.

“Kagome?” He whispered, daring to believe. Her eyes shifted to his and he thought he saw them focus on him in the dark. “Kagome, can you hear me?”

 

“InuYasha.” He could have sworn he heard recognition in her voice this time and his heart leapt.

 

“It's me,” he raised a hand to her cheek. “Please come back. Don't leave me.”

 

“InuYasha.” He had been right, she did recognize him, but she sounded very weak and still seemed very distant. “I hurt.” His heart ached for her at these words. “I don't think I am strong enough for this much pain.”

 

“Yes you are,” he said quietly, not sure if he was saying the right thing or just the selfish thing. “Should I get Kaede?” He began to rise.

 

“No.” She said definitively. “The pain is inside me. In my heart.” InuYasha felt a tear fall onto his fingers, still stroking her face. “I don't know if I have enough love to bear the pain.”

 

“Yes you do.” Now he had confidence in his answer, even if he didn't completely understand the question. If there was one thing he knew about Kagome, it was that she had more love in her heart than anyone he'd ever met. But he realized that if she suffered so much that it strained even her capacity for love, the pain must be unbearable. Suddenly, his heart spoke through his mouth, completely bypassing his brain. “And if you run out, you have my love to help you.” Surprised at himself, he stopped talking. Her eyes turned to look at him then, and he knew she saw him. His words just kept coming, flowing from somewhere deep, dark and alive in him. “I love you, Kagome. Please come back and let me love you. Let me be strong for you.”

 

She blinked and he felt her chest rise under his hand, taking a deep breath. She kept breathing and he dared to hope.

 

“I need you, InuYasha.” He squeezed her hand. “I need you to help me in all that I have to do.”

 

“I'm not going anywhere.”

 

He felt a shift under his hand and lifted it to see the jewel glowing brightly between her fingers. He became worried, wondering if the jewel was trying to do something on its own, or responding to someone else's manipulation. He perked his ears and sniffed, trying to detect any creature that might be close enough to reach the jewel. He sensed nothing.

 

“Kagome?” Could she be reaching out to the jewel? Looking at her, he saw that her eyes were far away again and he became agitated and then amazed as he saw the hard stone between her fingers begin to sink, falling right into her heart, subsuming itself into her body until its gleam disappeared into the her and it was gone. Looking at her face, he saw her eyes blink and focus on him, a slight smile tugging at her lips.

 

“Did you make a wish?” he asked, amazed at what he had just seen.

 

“Yes.” She said weakly.

 

“What did you wish for?” He asked, hoping.

 

“To be with you.”

 

His heart lifted and a true smile shone on his face, washing the fear away yet again and flooding them both with strength. He held her hand and soothed her until the sun broke the low lying clouds of dawn.

 

+++++++++

 

Kaede made a nourishing broth and InuYasha helped Kagome sip it. Her body was still very weak, but her spirit was very much present in it and Kaede and Shippou couldn't stop smiling and laughing. Kagome had not spoken much since awaking, but she smiled at them and let Shippou curl up on her lap. She didn't seem to want to talk about much, and there was a sadness about her that they all sensed. She slept deeply until midday, when she awoke feeling stronger. Her wounds had healed a great deal since she'd first come to Kaede's, but she wasn't strong enough to walk yet.

 

“This is great!” Shippou bounced up and down until InuYasha had to plant a hand on his head to keep him still. “Everyone's okay, now, right? No one else is going to die!”

 

The adults looked at each other over his head, and Kagome picked him up. “Everyone dies someday, Shippou.” The little kit looked sad.

 

“I know.” he said. “I just hoped.”

 

“Dying is hardest for those of us left behind.” Kagome said. “The dead go on, but they wait for us.”

 

“They do?” Shippou asked.

 

“Yes, they do.” Kagome spoke with a confidence that InuYasha found slightly disconcerting, but he decided not to ask.

 

Shippou looked up at her and put his little paw on her hand which was wrapped around his waist. “Why are you so sad?” He asked her. She looked a little surprised at his question.

 

“Because I know that InuYasha and I have to leave tomorrow morning.” She patted his head. “We have something important to do.”

 

“Can I come?” Shippou asked.

 

“No.” Kagome stroked his fur. “But I promise we'll come back.” She looked at InuYasha, who asked her a question with his eyes that she didn't answer.

 

That night, when everyone was asleep, InuYasha lay next to Kagome, holding her hand and wondering at her words. He was so happy to have her back, but she was different. She was still his Kagome, but the sadness that Shippou felt in her, he did too. He didn't understand it, but he would talk to her about it later, when they were alone.

 

He felt her stir and lifted himself up on an elbow to look at her. Her eyes were open and he saw another tear drip down her cheek, flashing orange in the firelight. His heart broke and he lifted his hand to brush it away.

 

“Kagome, what's wrong?” He whispered.

 

“InuYasha,” her voice was strained. “I hear them. All of them. They all hurt.”

 

“It's okay,” he didn't know what to say to her that could make her feel better so he continued to hold her face in his hand, stroking her cheek. “I'm here.”

 

“I know.” He felt her smile in the dark.

 

He didn't really understand most of what she'd said since she'd awakened, but he knew she needed him to be strong for her, and so he was.

 

“Thank you, InuYasha.”

 

THE END