InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Vying for Dominance ❯ The Nursery ( Chapter 38 )

The Nursery

 

 

Sesshomaru led her through the partition that opened into the sitting room. Though, as Kagome was to discover, a `sitting' room in Sesshomaru's home referred only to the intended purpose of the actual room, not its function.

 

The room, as with the great hall and the large dining room, was bare. No paintings or tapestries hung from the walls to give color to the neutral pallet, no collections or decorative pieces of any sort could be found to bring interest or the feeling of comfort in the space, and the only furnishings, though well-placed for functionality should anyone actually want to sit for any length of time in this room, were sparse, giving the feeling of emptiness where there should have been one of welcome.

 

It was a blank canvas in need of color, an empty plate begging to be filled, a touch of frost that even the elaborate mantles of the fire nooks could not dispel until they were cluttered with knickknacks and photos and treasures worth nothing but to those who knew the stories behind them.

 

It seemed such a shame for such a beautiful space to go to waste like this. A few touches here and there, an area rug, a pedestal table to hold a vase of those beautiful blossoms growing only feet away in the gardens, a few brightly colored mats to add to the mundane, bland, functional ones already placed here, and this room would have a whole new feeling of life within its walls.

 

It was a shame, but then, Kagome realized that, as with the dining room and great hall, this room was so seldom used that its furnishings were aesthetic only. Like a model home where all of the necessary furniture was there - the appliances, a table, a couch, a bed, a dresser, even the occasional, precision placed, vase or glass deco - but without the inevitable toy underfoot, dishes in the sink, or dirty laundry scattered about the bedroom floor, it always lacked that feeling of being lived in.

 

Such was the case as she was shown into these large, empty rooms.

 

Fortunately, there was a source of light and life in this room, one so bright and magnetic that it drew all attention away from the drab surroundings to focus solely on the happy, carefree jubilance that only a child can attain.

 

“Lord Sesshomaru! Miss Kagome! Rin has been waiting!”

 

Scrambling up from where she had been sprawled carelessly across on of the sitting mats, Rin dashed the distance between them. Her bare feet thumped loudly across the wooden floors, but the little one didn't take any notice to the ruckus she was making. The frown that had pursed Sesshomaru's lips over her carelessness was lost on Rin. She was far too excited and eager to do her duty. Her smile was dazzling as she reached out for Kagome's hand again, tugging urgently for her friend to follow.

 

“Come, Miss Kagome, Rin will show you the nursery!” Excitement echoed in every one of her words. She tugged again at Kagome's hand, her smile, if possible, growing even wider when the older girl began to follow. “The nursery is where Rin plays when Master Jaken isn't giving her lessons,” she explained as they went. “There are all sorts of toys in there, and Lord Sesshomaru says that Rin can play with all of them! Bella is my favorite. She's so pretty. Lord Sesshomaru says that her name means `Beautiful', and Rin likes that. Master Jaken doesn't like Bella though. He says that she it too pretty for Rin. I think that means he think Rin will break her. Master Jaken can be so silly. Of course Rin would never break Beautiful Bella. This one time…”

 

The girl continued on, prattling something about toads and mud puddles and a daring rescue of the beautiful Bella, though the words were so rushed and spaceless Kagome could hardly make out half of them. With the girl so entranced with her excited telling, Kagome stole a quick glance back at Sesshomaru, her brow lifting as though to ask `Does this happen often?' of the usually silent and stoic demon Lord.

 

He caught the miko's curious look - mostly because he had been quietly watching her with the child as he trailed behind - and he quickly shifted his focus to his young ward. Not because he had been caught staring, of course. As his mate, he could look at her at his leisure and to his fill, and she was so close now that it hardly made a difference…not that he would have looked away even if it had. He focused on his ward because she was, as so often in her excitement, becoming incoherent. As he ill-approve of such conduct even from a human child not his own, it was his place as her caregiver to give her the proper discipline that she might, finally, heed the instruction to punctuate and define her hasty speech patterns.

 

“Rin.” His tone was firm and commanding, and the young one immediately stilled her words. Her body quickly following suit as she turned to look at her Lord.

 

“Yes Lord Sesshomaru?” she asked sweetly, though, he thought, perhaps, he saw a flash of recognition and understanding dulling the sparkle in her eyes.

 

“Slow down.”

 

Rose colored her cheeks at the reprimand, one that she had heard many, many times from her Lord. She did want so badly to please him, but she just got so excited sometimes that it was hard to remember. She would do better, she promised herself. After all, Lord Sesshomaru was counting on her to care for their guest.

 

Pursing her lips tightly to ward off all the words that wanted to tumble out of her mouth, she nodded, eager to please, and determined to do so. “Yes, Lord Sesshomaru,” she replied carefully, measuring her words, and as much as she could, emulating them to his. Turning back, the girl straightened her drifting posture, trying to be worthy of the important task Lord Sesshomaru had given her. “Come, Miss Kagome,” she urged, though her enthusiasm was well conserved and her words clear and precise.

 

Kagome blinked wide, marveling at the drastic change. But she wasn't given a chance to do or say anything, because the girl was leading her forward again, taking her past one sliding door exiting the room to stand in front of yet another. The nursery, Rin had called it. And Kagome couldn't help the wandering of her gaze to the first door as Rin slid open the second. If this was the nursery, then the other room, the one set opposite the master bedroom, would have to be…

 

“No one but Rin plays in here now,” The girl was saying as she led Kagome past the threshold, taking her sight and thoughts away from the adjoining room, “But Master Jaken says that this is where Lord Sesshomaru's children will play when he takes a…a…mate.” A smile flashed across her features at her correct recollection of the Inu term. “And the Rin will have brothers and sisters to play with again!”

 

Kagome had often wondered about the girl's past, and the question slipped out before she could think better of it. “You had brothers and sisters?”

 

A haunted look darkened the brightness of the girl's eyes. She looked quickly away. “That…that was before I found Lord Sesshomaru.”

 

Kagome's heart clenched in sympathetic grief for the loss the pain in Rin's wavering voice had made all too clear. It was all she could do to keep from pulling the little girl tight in her arms and holding her there, telling her over and over how so very sorry she was. But that, she knew, would only make things worse. She was still so much a girl, a child, and yet, even by the simple change in diction as she referred to herself in the first instead of the third, ripped away the image of a child, the innocence of youth. She had seen horrors and had felt pain unimaginable, and it had aged her in her suffering.

 

But whatever had been, whatever terrors she had seen and lived through, she didn't let them hold her back. She still laughed and smiled, her brightness like the morning sun to chase away such dark memories as she made new ones, happier ones, here, with her Lord and her strange little guardian. The memory of the family the girl had lost, painful as it may be, was in the past. There was no going back, and no point in having her grieve all over again.

 

So Kagome would focus on the present, on the joy in her life now, not the nightmares of her past. “How did you find him?”

 

It was like flicking a switch. The haunted look that had stolen over the girl vanished behind a smile of true joy as happy memories flooded back to her. She began the story of how she had met her Lord, recounting every small detail from how she had first seen him, all alone in the forest outside her village, how sad he had looked to her, and how she wasn't afraid.

 

As she listened, Kagome's eyes wandered around the room. On the far side, across from where they had entered, she could see several dividing screens that cut sections into the large space. Each was no bigger than to allow for a small bedding pad and a cubby. They gave the impression of a cell, but without all four walls, there was also combined the nonexistent privacy of a barracks. She got the point clearly - little soldiers all taught from birth of conduct and structure. But though they were empty now, she couldn't help but wonder just how well those screens would hold once sibling rivalry was straining against them.

 

Not so well as the idea that built them, she'd have bet.

 

“…and Rin knew he was a youkai, but she wasn't afraid. Rin wanted to help…”

 

The girl's story continued, and Kagome took it in as she continued scanning the room. Away from the shadowy alcoves, the hard structure seemed forgotten by the rest of the room. A fresh fire had been built in the stone mantle against the outside wall. Jaken, she thought, must have been busy. It crackled as the flimsy kindling scraps worked at igniting the larger logs, the flickering light scattered and turned into a warm glow by the heavy glass shield. Another barrier, this one of metal, was softened by its tight latticework of intricate sakura designs. It was a foresight that echoed concern for the children that would one day play - carelessly as children do - in this very room. The attention to detail warmed her almost as much as the fire.

 

In front of the hearth a large, plush carpet was spread across the hardwood floor. It was thick, the fibers looking more like fur than any weave of cotton. And as Rin led her across the room and her foot, even shoed as it was, sank into that soft fabric, she realized it was too thick, too rich to be any kind of fabric.

 

It was fur.

 

A closer look, and even matted, worn down by use, and its color muted by the years, she recognized that fur. It had been the same in the den where Sesshomaru had first brought her, the same soft, smooth fibers; the same lush, thick comforts. Then they had used it for their bed, though its comfort was nothing compared to what they found in each other. She had hardly noticed then, but looking at it now brought a heated wash of memories to flow through her. She could almost imagine having that soft fur against her skin as she lay with him in the glow of the fire, could almost feel…

 

“…said he didn't want the food Rin brought. But ma always said that when you're sick, you have to eat. So Rin brought some more….”

 

Sick? The word caught Kagome's full attention, yanking her away from her foggy thoughts. Youkai didn't take ill like mortals, especially not a poison master like Sesshomaru. So if not sick, then…Injured. Her gut twisted, a guilty conscience reminding her of battles long past. Twice had she seen Sesshomaru defeated, both times by the hands of his own brother and their father's legendary fang. She had celebrated with Inuyasha over his victories then, but now…

 

She looked back down at the area rug made of his fur, thinking how much thought had went into that gesture. Just as much meaning, she supposed, as using it for the bed where he would claim his mate. He knew that his life would never be one lived in the home, but he would leave a piece of himself here, a measure of his scent for his children to know even hen he was away. It made her wonder how long he had been preparing for this, thinking of his future, of the family he would create. And it made her ache that much more to know that she had almost played a part in taking all that away from him.

 

Was she still?

 

That thought caused another wave of doubt to crash down on her. She tried to shake it away, tried to focus on Rin's story.

 

“…made all the mean wolves leave, and then woke Rin up from a very strange dream. After that, Rin went with Lord Sesshomaru everywhere!”

 

She finished with a wide, toothy grin, and Kagome returned her smile - though it was more for the girl's exuberance than for any light-hearted feeling of her own. Wolves, a strange dream, Sesshomaru waking her…Kagome might have failed math last semester, but that didn't mean she couldn't put two and two together. She looked up, finding Sesshomaru seated almost casually in one of the two cushioned arm chairs that faced the central carpeted area as much as they did each other. She couldn't ask the question, but pleaded with her eyes for him to say it wasn't so.

 

He couldn't. Tenseiga had beseeched him to make use of its power for the girl who had, quite unnecessarily, tried to offer what meager help her mortal hands could give. And he, curious as the fang's insistence as well as its limitations, had tested its power. When the girl had awakened, she had simply followed him. At first he had thought it a connection forged to the blade itself, but over the years…well, it wasn't like he could send her away now.

 

He had told her she could go with the mortals if it was her wish when that priest had tried to take her along with the other children back to the village, but she had refused, making her choice to follow after him. So, since it was her choice, he wouldn't force her into something she obviously didn't want. The girl had endured enough during her short years. If it took nothing more than letting her follow him around to make her smile, he didn't see the harm in it. Besides, she kept the annoying toad busy. And that, as far as Sesshomaru concerned, earned her her keep.

 

Giving Kagome a short nod, he confirmed her suspicions, then immediately turned his attention to Rin to distract her from the miko's reaction to the unsettling news of the girl-child's death.

 

“Rin. Perhaps you would like to introduce Bella to Kagome.”

 

“Oh!” The girl's eyes opened so wide it was amazing they managed to stay within their sockets. She nodded vigorously. “Yes, Lord Sesshomaru! Rin would like that very much!” And quick as that, she spun around, half-walking, half-running across the room to the toy chest where her beautiful Bella was waiting for her introductions.

 

“Thanks for that,” Kagome said on a weary sigh as she sunk into the chair to Sesshomaru's left.

 

At least, she tried to sink into the chair. The cushion didn't give quite the way it looked it should. She wiggled a bit to get comfortable. Failing in that, she looked down at the chair in confusion. From a distance, the chair was large, it's padding plump, the leather smooth and soft, and the wide arms open and inviting. But when she sat in it, there was no give to the padding, the leather groaned with protest from being stretched by her weight, and wide arms only served to keep her further off-balance as the angle of the seat left her shoulders pressed uncomfortably against the backrest.

 

What the hell? Really, the damn thing was acting as though it had never seen another butt before hers!

 

Kagome stilled. Her hand reached out to brush over the leather covering the armrest, fingers trailing over the surface smoothed by the treatment process. In time, with use, leather like this always gave, stretched, became softer, more pliant. But if it was never used…

 

Her eyes skirted over to the chair Sesshomaru was sitting in. Taking in the smallest details, she could see the telling sink in the seat was not just a product of his weight, and that the slight dulling of the wood polish on the arm where the leather rest ended matched almost perfectly with where his hand was resting against its surface. He had sat in that chair before, so many times that, like any good chair would, it had changed subtly to fit him more comfortably.

 

Was it for Rin's sake that he came in here? Did he watch as she played with the toys meant for his own children and find peace in that? Or was there more? The girl couldn't have been here more than a handful of times. With the hunt for Naraku a never-ending pursuit, more often than not they were all on the move to find him. And Rin had only been with Sesshomaru for, what? Two years, three at the most? So if not for her, then what was it that drew him into this room?

 

How many times had he sat there, alone, with only his thoughts and dreams of a future to keep him company? How many times had he looked next to him, only to find an empty chair? And why, knowing that he could have any female of his kind if he even so much as uttered the word, would he have waited so long?

 

He was watching her. She could feel the weight of his gaze, but she couldn't bring herself to meet it. What had he imagined his mate would look like sitting next to him there, keeping an ever-watchful eye on his pups? She couldn't believe that she even came close to anything he would have pictured.

 

And she wasn't about to find out.

 

She looked away, far away, her eyes searching for some means of escape from this moment. Seeing the dividing walls at the far end of the room, she grasped at the outlet. It wouldn't take her as far from the topic as she would have hoped, but it would have to do. She asked the obvious question, praying he would take the bait and give her one of his no-nonsense, logical responses.

 

“So…” she drawled out, fighting with her voice to keep it steady. “How many kids you planning on having?”

 

Sesshomaru shrugged passively. “It is quite common to have litters of multiple pups. I do not wish to be unprepared.”

 

“Right…” She was fighting with her voice again, but this time, to keep her mirth in check. His answer was pretty much exactly what she had expected. And though she wasn't about to tell him how piss-poor his planning had been to expect that those little cubbies were going to keep a pack of pups from getting at each other's throats - that she was more than willing to let the dear old dog find out on his own - she could shed some light on yet another overlooked detail of his plans.

 

“Looks like you're not quite as `prepared' as you think,” she told him with a vague gesture towards the door on the outside wall. She knew it led out onto the balcony just as the one from his own room. She had seen it earlier, and though she hadn't said anything then, now was the perfect opportunity. That, and her own memories of slipping out of her bedroom window - her mother none the wiser - were good and many, and a much needed lift from her troubled thoughts. “Giving kids an exit of their own is only asking for trouble.”

 

“Any child of mine that can sneak out under my nose is deserving of their exit,” Sesshomaru replied evenly.

 

To this, Kagome rolled her eyes. “You have got to be the most arrogant person I have ever met.”

 

“And you the most obstinate woman I have ever encountered.”

 

“Yeah, well, you might as well get used to it,” she told him flippantly. “The women's rights movement pretty much closed the door on the docile, submissive, obedient little housewife.”

 

“No doubt led by a woman just like you.”

 

Kagome blinked. Sometimes it was so hard to read his voice when he took on that Lordly tone. Her brow knitting in confusion, she forgot why she wasn't supposed to be looking at him, turned, and asked, “Was that a compliment, or an insult?” Because if it was an insult…

 

“My point exactly.”

 

She was absolutely bristling. Her agitation was so thick on the air he might have been able to scent it without his heightened abilities. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes sharply narrowed, and her hands balled into shaking fists that only just curbed the jolting bursts of energy from leaping out and slamming into him. Sweet mercy, she was exquisite when she was angry. Just seeing her like that was calling to attention parts of him that wanted nothing more than to scoop her up, whisk her out of that room - her kicking and screaming and fighting him all the way - until he had her alone and could put that anger to far more pleasurable uses.

 

Alas, while it was tempting - more than tempting - he could do no such thing. Not yet, anyways.

 

So instead, he contented himself by reaching over to her and running his fingers across the back of her clenched fist in a light, calming caress. The tightness of her grip loosened almost instantly at the contact. She watched, her anger fading, as he slipped his hand around hers, squeezing gently. And, slowly, she responded in kind, her fingers entwining together with his, rubbing with soft, teasing strokes.

 

“Lord Sesshomaru! Lord Sesshomaru!!”

 

The door to the nursery flew open with a loud bang against the bracings, and in tumbled one frantic, bug-eyed, little toad demon. Without notice of any other occupants of the room, Jaken immediately sighted Sesshomaru, breathed a huge, gasping sigh of relief, and began scrambling his way towards his Lord, tripping over his own scaly feet in the process.

 

“Lord Sesshomaru! Lord Sesshomaru! The miko-”

 

Jaken stopped dead mid-tirade, his eyes bulging in disbelief to find none other than the detestable miko he had been trying to warn his Lord about sitting in the Lady's chair, her wretched, dirty mortal hands touching the immaculate Lord.

 

Kagome felt as though she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Blushing hotter than a Hot House tomato under the toad's twisted look of horror, she squirmed in embarrassment, self-consciously pulling her hand away from Sesshomaru's.

 

Sesshomaru sighed at the loss, then turned an uncompromising glare on the rotten little toad that had interrupted his time with his mate. “Jaken. As you can see, I am well aware of Kagome's presence.” He could see the protest working its way from the toad's beakly mouth, and not wanting to hear it in the least, Sesshomaru stopped it short. “Tend to your duties, then, and see to it we are not disturbed again.”

 

“Y-y-y-y-yes Lord Sesshomaru,” Jaken stuttered weakly.

 

He knew there was no questioning his Lord. But that miko…He didn't trust her. No, no he didn't trust her at all. If only he had been allowed to stay by Lord Sesshomaru's side during the gathering; he would have made sure that the wretched miko had met the grizzly fate coming to her just as soon as his Lord commanded it. But it was that horrible child that had taken him from his Lord. He had been ordered to watch over her, taking him away from his master when he most needed him. That miko - conniving her way into Lord Sesshomaru's mighty presence - she would have to be watched closely. And Jaken took it upon himself to be his Lord's eyes and ears. He would find out what she was up to. Yes, yes he would. And when he did…

 

“Jaken.” Sesshomaru's voice was hard-edged and sharp. He had seen the way the lowly beast was looking at Kagome, and would not - ever - allow it. “You will treat my guest with no less difference that you would This Sesshomaru. Fail in this, and you will find yourself back in that dragon-infested cesspool you and your brethren called a home. Such would be lenience for your transgression. Do not press me to find reason for your execution.”

 

A shrill squawk gurgled from the toad's slack-beaked mouth. Understanding the seriousness of his position, knowing his Lord never made idle threats, Jaken fumbled as much with his trembling limbs and rapidly deteriorating composure as with his beak to form his response.

 

“N-n-n-n-no Lord Sesshomaru. O-o-of course, this Jaken will…”

 

“Silence.” Another second of the toad's blubbering would have been reason enough to carry out his threat. “You will do as I say. Now get out.”

 

Fumbling for a moment, Jaken finally managed to get enough control of his shaking limbs to turn awkwardly and make a hasty, stumbling departure.

 

Watching him go, Kagome couldn't help but feel a bit of remorse for the poor creature. He had looked absolutely crestfallen - if, of course, you could manage to look past his expression of sheer horror over Sesshomaru's threats.

 

She turned to Sesshomaru. “That was harsh,” she told him.

 

“It was necessary.” His words were clipped, and his tone downright frigid. “I will not have anyone, let alone a worthless servant, showing such disrespect for my…”

 

He stopped himself, forcibly biting off the last word. The effort strained across his features, drawing them tight, setting his jaw in a rigid line and furrowing his brows above the now hardened surfaces of his golden eyes. And seeing it, Kagome's own expression softened. She reached over to him, returning his comforting gesture of only moments ago, and set her hand atop of his where it clutched tightly to the armrest.

 

“He worries for you.”

 

Her words were like daggers. She would defend the creature he had put down for her sake? He wanted to wrench his hand away from hers, remove himself from that sinful heat her touch brought. He wanted to be angry, not be soothed by her tenderness. But he couldn't force himself to do it.

 

“That is no excuse,” he told her instead.

 

She smiled, and he wanted to hate the beauty of it, wanted to hate her for it. Instead it pulled him in, chipping away at hard barriers of anger and cold walls of defense with nothing but the warmth it radiated into him.

 

“You can't fight them all, Sesshomaru. And even if you could, I wouldn't want you to. Besides,” Her lips had twisted, turning her smile into a superior smirk, “Do you honestly think that Jaken would have it in him to best me?”

 

She radiated confidence just as she had in the arena. So much power was contained within that fragile mortal shell. Sometimes it was too easy to forget that, especially when she was so overrun with emotions that she acted, by all outside measures, like a clumsy child. But she was no child, and she was not so easily overcome. Even wading through a bog of turbulence, she would pick her battles, fighting off only those storms that hit closest and hardest.

 

And she was right. He was overreacting. He was so determined to defend her, defend the choice that he had made, that he was transferring threats he had already seen and faced down onto those that were, really, no threat at all.

 

He let out a long breath, feeling the tension and anger that had been so tight within him slip away with it. “No.” He managed to force a small smile. “We would be dining on frog leg stew before the night was out.”

 

“Okay, that was gross.”

 

She swatted at his arm playfully, her face scrunching in disgust, and he found he didn't have to force his smile any longer.

 

A soft tinkle of laughter drifted over from across the room. Looking over, Sesshomaru found Rin hugging her precious Bella to her chest, and giggling to herself as she watched his exchange with Kagome. Her grip on her prized porcelain doll was dangerously tight, her patience, no doubt, almost reaching its limits as she waited for her turn to speak.

 

“Come on then, Rin,” he addressed her and beckoned she come closer, a suitable reward for her patience. “You may introduce Bella to Kagome, and then to bed.”

 

“Kay!” A dazzling smile graced her lips as Rin skipped her way over to them. She stopped short directly in front of Kagome's chair, holding up her doll for the older girl to admire. “Bella, meet Miss Kagome. Miss Kagome, this is Bella.”

 

“Oh, Rin….She's…beautiful.”

 

Kagome was really, really hoping that the girl missed the quivering of her laughing voice. She was trying to appreciate the doll's beauty. She really was. But as beautiful as the doll must have been at one time, now, all she could see was the dirt-streaked porcelain face, the matted, tangled - styled in a way only a child could possibly have accomplished or appreciated - tufts of hair, and the tattered, frayed, and equally dirt-encrusted frills and lace and satin of the badly worn, creased and wrinkled, sun-faded, wreck of what was supposed to pass as her gown.

 

“Where…wherever did you find such a…treasure?”

 

Rin beamed, completely oblivious to the miko's straining, laughing voice. No doubt she was taking it as praise for her most cherished toy. All the better, Sesshomaru supposed. He had once tried to replace the doll, but Rin would have none of it. She found the newest addition to the toy chest on her next visit to his home, picked her up, smiled as she fluffed the crisp new gowns and the freshly curled hair, then promptly set her aside, dug to the bottom of the chest, and came back with her Bella in her arms.

 

All things considered, he had to give Kagome credit for how straight - relatively speaking - she had managed to keep her expression as she told the girl how beautiful her, now quite ugly, doll was. Her praise had only made the girl beam even brighter with pride, that dazzling, toothy smile of hers seeming to take up every inch of her face. But he knew Kagome wouldn't be able to keep up the deception forever. Even speaking was almost enough to waver her resolve, threatening to send her bursting into a roll of laughter that would no doubt devastate Rin.

 

He spoke to draw attention to himself. “The doll was a gift from my sister.”

 

Kagome was silently thanking him for that. She wasn't sure she could have lasted another second looking at `beautiful' Bella without laughing. But the smooth, steady timbre of Sesshomaru's voice was calming, and his speaking gave her a reason to tear her gaze away from the strange, ugly little doll.

 

“Sister?” she asked him curiously. “You mean Shaeda?”

 

“No.” Sesshomaru shook his head, then leaned back in his chair.

 

He seemed to be getting himself comfortable, so, shrugging, Kagome made to do the same. She settled back in the chair, hiking her legs up and crossing them over each other. There was plenty of room, so she called Rin up with her. When the girl hesitated, Kagome turned on her best smile and called for her again. “Come on, Rin. This chair's way too big for just little ol' me. Might as well one of us be comfortable,” she added dryly.

 

Again Rin hesitated, but, after glancing quickly to her Lord, and seeing the slight wave of his hand as he gestured towards Miss Kagome, she overcame her hesitation and climbed her way up onto Kagome's lap.

 

“There now,” Kagome said as she settled them both in. “That's better.” She looked back to Sesshomaru. “You were saying?”

 

He arched a brow. “I was?”

 

“Don't you even,” Kagome scolded. “You were telling us about your sister, the one I haven't heard of until just now. So out with it.”

 

The second brow lifted to join the first, and Kagome harrumphed, but relented. “Please.”

 

There was too much annoyance conveyed in what was supposed to be a polite request, but since she had asked so nicely… “Ah yes, my sister. Her name is Rulia. She was second in the litter that birthed myself and our younger sister, Samara. She lives now on the mainland with her mate, having taken Samara's pups there after we lost her in the wars. The doll was a gift. She had been teaching her girls the art - hers or Samara's makes no difference to Rulia - and this was her example piece. Once the girls had finished their lessons, Rulia sent Bella as a gift for me, an incentive, I am certain, to soon have daughters of my own.”

 

“But you gave it to Rin instead?”

 

In Kagome's lap, Rin giggled, hugging her prize doll with glee and snuggling closer. Sesshomaru watched her with interest. Seeing her there, in such easy comfort, smiling in contented joy, it felt right. She would never ask such of him. No, she was far too respectful of him and his presence. As it should be. As it had to be. But with Kagome it was different, she was different. She had looked to him for guidance, permission to do as Kagome had asked. She was unsure, but that did not stop the eagerness to comply from shining in her eyes. And now, tucked so neatly in the miko's arms as she listened to him speak, she seemed genuinely happy.

 

He was glad for that. And though he wanted to be glad for being the one to bring her such joy, he knew that it hadn't been him at all.

 

It was Kagome.

 

Even fighting with herself as she was, Kagome couldn't completely suppress her gentle nature. A war was raging inside of her, and yet she held the girl with as much care and tenderness as Rin held her doll. She did it without thinking, a maternal instinct to accommodate for the child even when her focus was on him. She probably didn't even realize she was doing it, let alone know the profound effect her actions had on him.

 

It was more than seeing her care for the child though. As gratifying as it was to see her mothering first-hand, he had already come to know it from her fussing over the fox kit she had taken in. And it was more than having her here with him, filling the place next to him with a presence far too long absent. It was the way she spoke with him. Not to him or in answer to him, but with him, laughing and joking and speaking her mind openly.

 

He couldn't remember the last time someone had spoken with him in such a way. It surprised him how good it felt. Just to sit back and talk - about nothing really - with her, it seemed so natural. The words flowed easily, one into the next, and he never thought to restrain them. Unless, of course, he was doing it just to rile her; but doing so derived just as much satisfaction, so it was no loss.

 

Now, however, there were two waiting to hear his answer - three if you counted Bella as Rin so often insisted - and he wasn't about to disappoint.

 

“Rin finds much more pleasure in the doll than I. Besides, she handles it better than an Inu pup would. Such pieces are usually kept at a distance until at least the half-century mark.”

 

Whistling softly, Kagome shook her head to try and beat that number out. Fifty years, and still just a child. It just seemed so impossible. And yet she knew it wasn't so. After all, her little Shippo was probably about that age. And though he fared well enough on his own with his tricks and scheming, he still needed guidance and support like any child would.

 

Knowing this, it didn't seem so strange that youkai would be prone to multiple births. They would have to be for there to be any chance of even one of their children to reach adulthood. But it made her wonder how many of the Inu she had met at the gathering had lost siblings before their time. Like Auria and Enai. They were separated by many, many years, obviously from different litters. But what of their brothers and sisters? Where were they now? Were they at the gathering, somewhere she hadn't seen? Or maybe they had some reason not to attend.

 

She certainly hoped that was the case. Holding tight to that hope, she asked her next question.

 

“If she is your sister, shouldn't Rulia have been at the gathering with the others?”

 

She watched as Sesshomaru's lips pursed. Obviously, he didn't like the question, or its answer. But he gave it anyways.

 

“When Samara was killed, and Rulia made her decision to leave the islands, her mate, Takameru, one of the golden commanders under Tannis, went with her. It was his place, as her mate, to see her and the pups she would soon deliver cared for and protected. But to do so, he was forced to abandon his post within the ranks. Such desertion, no matter his reasons, labeled him as a rogue. As he is no longer welcome within the gathering's barriers, Rulia - be it out of spite towards those who would charge her mate thusly or appreciation for the sacrifice he made for her - also refuses to attend.”

 

“You don't agree with it, do you?” She didn't really have to ask. She could see clearly enough how much it irked him.

 

But he was talking, and it was nice. His voice was fluid, steady, calming; drawing her in. And she knew, for the girl tucked comfortably in her lap, the sound of her Lord's voice, so often held back behind his barriers of restraint and control, was more soothing and comforting than a lullaby. She was drifting, her head nodding every so often only to snap back up and try and catch just one more word.

 

It seemed to her, neither one of them wanted him to stop. So she continued asking questions, listening attentively for his answers.

 

“No. I do not. But to withdrawal the charges against Takameru would be to send a message to all others that the crime of desertion is not one deeming punishment. Should another war come and our warriors refuse to stand at their posts, all would be lost. That can not be allowed to happen, so the charge stands.”

 

“I guess…it's not easy being the one in charge, huh?”

 

He smirked slowly, his eyes holding hers and glinting with a kind of anticipation she couldn't quite understand. “I suppose I will find out soon enough.”

 

Understanding slammed into her hard. She sucked in a breath, holding it as her thoughts tumbled.

 

The battle in the arena was definitive, the last step he needed to take to fully embrace the role of leader among his kind. In defeating Kuro, though the initiating act had been a quarrel over his choice of mate, he had proven not only himself, but his standing in the community as so many others rose to fight with him. With the blacks securely in line now, Takked could step down knowing that Sesshomaru's standing was absolute.

 

He was General now. It was his command that the Inu would follow into battle, to their deaths.

 

Such power was incomprehensible to her, and yet he held it easily, comfortably, as though nothing had changed. But she understood the glint in his eyes now, an ambition, a driving force, an eagerness to lead those who would follow him to something greater. How much greater, well, that was the question.

 

She hoped she would be lucky enough to see it one day.

 

Shaking her head to dispel her sudden onset of wistful thinking, Kagome asked another question. “So, any other siblings you're keeping stashed away somewhere?”

 

“Four, actually.”

 

“Four?!” Her sudden outburst caused Rin to jump in her lap. Her startled reaction told Kagome that the girl had been about two breaths away from falling asleep. Inwardly chastising herself for not being more perceptive of the girl, outwardly, Kagome apologized profusely and managed with coaxing hands and a much gentler voice to get the girl settled again.

 

Once she was, though, Kagome snapped her attention back to Sesshomaru. She hadn't forgotten the last little bomb he had dropped on her.

 

“Want to elaborate on that one?” she asked tersely.

 

Lifting his hands to ask for patience, and prevent another outburst, Sesshomaru explained. “They are half-siblings, all birthed by Mesudoku to Takked. Two litters. The first, a boy and two girls. The second, a daughter only. There was another, a boy, but he was stillborn. Mesudoku grows old, she can no longer sustain the energy required to bear pups. And before you ask, they were not at the ceremony. Takked believed that it would be best that they be kept from the celebrations until This Sesshomaru took over as Leader. He wanted no confusion as to the progression of the Community. Since the pups have yet to reach their maturity, there was no immediate need for them to engage in the battles anyways. It was a small concession leading to an easy oversight. I have only seen the pups once, and that was to imprint their scent to my memory. Beyond that, the pups will learn of me as their Lord. Any accomplishments they gain will be of their own merit and volition. I do not encourage the use of blood ties for gain unless it can be substantiated by deeds.”

 

Kagome snorted. “Unless it serves your purpose, you mean.”

 

He knew what she was thinking. But she was wrong. Revealing Inuyasha in the arena was not for any gain of his own, but for the boy who had, finally, earned the right to be called his brother. “Since when have you been so cynical, miko?” She scowled at his use of her title, but he was hardly deterred. He held up his left arm, extending the claws that she herself had given back to him. “Inuyasha took my arm in a battle over our father's fang, and repeatedly thwarted my attempts to take it back. If I had not thought that he had proven himself worthy to carry the blade, do you think I would have given up so easily?”

 

“You call beating him to a bloody pulp every time you see him giving up easily?”

 

“I haven't killed him yet, have I?”

 

Her scowl deepened. “God, I would so `sit' you for that.”

 

“You think to subjugate me, miko?”

 

His tone was amused, yet with just enough challenge to make her seriously consider the options. Was it even possible to find enough energy to properly bind a demon of Sesshomaru's status? The answer came back to her as a `probably not'. Anything short of whatever Midoriko had done to seal the demons within the Shikon seemed pretty much null. However, while she really had no intentions of sealing herself in along with him for all eternity, that didn't mean she was going to let him go on thinking he was all-powerful.

 

“Knowing you,” she told him with a wicked smirk, “you'd probably like it.”

 

He said nothing, but the in the way his eyes slipped slowly over her in a long, drawn, sultry assessment, Kagome had all the answer she needed. She could see the fire in his eyes when the at last came back to meet with hers. Smoldering, daring, and all too tempting. It made her skin lift as she began to feel the burn, shivering cold even in an inferno of heat.

 

She looked away, changing topics fast. “So what about Samara? What happened to her? Why didn't her mate take care of their pups after she…”

 

“Died.” Sesshomaru finished for her. Strange that it was harder for her to say than it was for him.

 

Then again, he had had centuries to accustom himself to the idea. It still stung though. He had never had such a challenge from a sparing partner. And Kagome thought his scuffles with Inuyasha were bloody. She should have seen Samara and himself, walking away from a training ground that had been razed to nothing but rubble and ash, leaning on each other, each holding the other up from sagging or stumbling over their wounds, and both laughing as though they had been drinking Blood Wine all day rather than beating the living tar out of each other.

 

She had been only a wisp of a thing, hardly looking strong enough to hold her own weight, let alone throw off someone twice her size. But whatever she had lacked in brute strength, she more than made up for in practicality, skill, wiles, and speed that then had even surpassed his own.

 

“Samara was born to be a fighter. Rulia was the elder - if you can count the few minutes between them as any kind of age difference. So, of course, Mesudoku wanted nothing more than to train her as a proper Lady. Complacent and doting of her mother's affections, Rulia played along. But she was not for the schemes and games of Ladyship. Mesudoku would learn this too late, however, and by then, Samara was well on her way to becoming an accomplished warrior. She would never give up the life of hard battle and even harder-celebrated victories.

 

“Her mate…” A low chuckle brought on by the memory shook his chest, but it was dark, almost sinister. “In the year that marked our fifth century, father gave Rulia as the prize for the contest at the gathering. By that time, she had long been ousted by Mesudoku; Auria, already promised to myself, fast becoming her prized pupil. But father would see Rulia well mated, title of Lady or no. On that year he held the contest, not just for the rights to mate his daughter, but to the champion would also go the newly vacant title of commander to ensure that the competition would be only the best our Community had to offer.

 

“Samara, however, could not see the benefit of father's plan. She was livid, throwing into a rage that took both me and father to restrain her from. She would not have her sister be a prize in any contest! She screamed it so loud that the stadium walls shuddered as they reverberated her fury.

 

“We had her placed under guard until the ceremony could be completed. But no guard could ever hold Samara. She took out the whole unit, five in all, and waltzed out onto the arena floor just before the champion could be named. She called him out, telling him that he would get her sister only if he could defeat her. She would stand as champion.

 

“And by damn if anyone tried to object.

 

“So father, in his wisdom, put down the ruling that, since the young fighter had already won his claim to a mate, he would receive one. If Samara was to fight for Rulia's choice of mate, then so be it. But it would be at the cost of her own mating rights. Loose, and Rulia would be mated to the champion. Win, and she herself would become his mate.

 

“I never was sure if he thought that would deter her from the fight. It didn't, of course. Samara fought the battle, and took it. The male, the spineless coward that he was, wouldn't face the humiliation of the loss. Though he took pleasure enough in Samara's virtue for his winnings, he was gone long before the pups were even born.”

 

“Bastard,” Kagome spit. “What kind of man can leave a woman high and dry while she's pregnant?”

 

“A useless one,” Sesshomaru replied. “And one that lamented his despicable actions to his last breath.”

 

“You?”

 

He nodded stiffly. “I tracked him, hunted him down like the beast he was, beat him within an inch of his life, then skinned him while he was still breathing and hung him up for the world to see why never to cross me or my family.”

 

A shudder shook through her, slowly, slinking through her veins and crawling across her skin until her whole body felt her revulsion. “I really could have done without the mental picture.”

 

“You asked.”

 

“Yeah, well, next time I ask, how's about you skip over the skinning alive part and just tell me you dusted the creep?”

 

“If you wish.”

 

“I do.” Her words were emphasized to get her point across. Lord, she was going to have nightmares for weeks thanks to him! He was lucky that Rin had fallen asleep, as evident by her soft snores, somewhere around the time they had been speaking of Inuyasha. Otherwise, Sesshomaru would end up playing lap dog for them both when they woke up screaming from images of skinless corpses hanging from the tree outside their window.

 

She shuddered again. Eww. Just eww.

 

A tiny murmur from the girl in her lap captured Kagome's focus. Rin was shifting in her sleep, a frown pinching her brow together, and her hold on her Bella doll was tight and anxious.

 

“Sorry,” Kagome whispered, thinking that, as she so often did, the girl was channeling the emotions of those around her. It probably wasn't the case, but Kagome still felt bad. She brought her hand up and began stroking the girl's hair, calming her with the gentle touch until she settled again.

 

“Allow me.”

 

Sesshomaru's voice pulled her focus up. He was standing in front of her, his arms outstretched to take the child from her lap, and Kagome smiled. Even if he wasn't trying to be, he was so incredibly sweet. He lifted Rin easily, cradling her in his arms, careful not to cause her to shift and wake. Once he had her secure, he directed Kagome towards the adjoining door with a lift of his chin. Understanding what he was asking of her, Kagome quickly got up from her seat and moved to open the door for him.

 

With darkness long since fallen, the room was left heavy in shadows. The warm summer night made it unnecessary for a fire to have been lit in the sleeping quarters, so light came instead from two large oil lamps set above the fireplace mantle. They blanketed every surface in the room with a soft yellow glow. Not strong enough to penetrate through all the casts of darkness, it gave only enough light to distinguish shapes and lines and muted colors. Even so, Kagome could make out the distinctly feminine appeal to this room. The sharp lines and attention to structure and function seen in the rest of the house were softer here, edges smoothed and rounded and cushioned by plush fabrics and lace.

 

Not for a child was this room designed, she knew. The bed was too large, too fancy, too heavy with drapes and pillows to ever have been meant for the restless tossing and thoughtless trampling of a child. The carvings on the wooden armoires and banks of drawers, seen by the shadows they cast in the shallow light, were too ornate to be meant for the rough and dirty handling of the careless young. A gilded mirror hung over a low dressing table, refracting the light to catch in glittering arrays as it kissed the gold plate. It was far too refined, too delicate to endure the smudges and prints of a child's hands.

 

No, this room was not meant to be for a child. Quite the opposite, in fact. Built on a protective flank of the nursery, directly opposite from the Lord's chambers, this room was meant to house Sesshomaru's mate.

 

The Lady's room.

 

Entering the behind Kagome, Sesshomaru could see the confusion that etched her features as she looked back at him, and then to the child he carried in his arms. He shrugged it off, however, telling her simply, “Rin enjoys this room. I saw no harm in letting her.”

 

In truth he hadn't thought he would take a mate before the girl had grown out of her dependence on him. Now, he knew, he would have to settle Rin into her own accommodations. She wasn't going to be very happy about it. But it would pass, and she would come to learn her place. Sweet Rin. She would never complain. Though he truly hoped she would never have to.

 

“Sess…Sesshomaru-sama?”

 

He looked down to find a very groggy Rin peering up at him through half-lidded eyes. “Yes Rin.” She always seemed to need to be reassured that he was with her. And it seemed no matter how dark the night, or how troubling her dreams, she would always smile when he said her name. “You fell asleep,” he told her.

 

“Oh…” She nodded dreamily. “Okay.”

 

A pull on her heart, a painful longing; and Kagome looked away, overwhelmed by the tenderness of that moment between a girl and her father. It had been more than ten years now since her own father was taken from her. She couldn't have been more than Rin's age. It had been hard, it was still, but she had her mother and brother and grandfather to help her through the hardest days.

 

For this girl who had nothing, who had been robbed of everything - the Gods must have been watching over her on that day, guiding her hand to lead her to the one who could give it all back again. In Sesshomaru's care, Rin would never want for anything. For his sister, wronged all those years ago, he had crossed the land to bring her justice. But for his little girl, Kagome knew that even the demons of hell would bow down to the Inu's wrath should anything ever befall her.

 

Such a thought should have frightened her. Vengeance was never the miko way. But then, she wasn't really a miko. She had lived in a shrine all her life. She knew the prayers, had read the scrolls, had even tended to the ceremonies for her grandfather, but that didn't make her a miko. A miko chose her life, willing gave it to her people. Kagome hadn't been given that choice. Instead, she had been given power she didn't know how to control, a duty she would never have asked for, an enemy she feared more than death itself, and a life that wasn't real but that she could never walk away from without loosing her heart completely.

 

She had seen so much death, so much carnage, so much blood. She had seen so many innocents suffer indescribable pains brought to them as much by the hand of evil as by the hands of their own. But to protect, to save even one of those innocent souls, that was something worth fighting for. So she would never question the hand that served. She would rejoice in the knowledge that this innocent child had been given new life.

 

A life that began, and would most likely end, with Sesshomaru by her side.

 

Though she had moved well back from the bed, Kagome could still make out his features in the soft light. All sharp lines and hard angles when he donned that blank mask of his Lordly duty now were relaxed, the smile gracing his lips real, and the glow of his golden eyes filled with warmth instead of covered by ice.

 

But Rin - no matter how much he may deny it - was a daughter to him. He would watch as she grew, share in her childish joy; then he would know pride when his girl became a woman, and share in her joy again as she discovered it in her own children. She would grow up, she would grow old, and he would always be constant. But that was the biggest fear, and greatest accomplishment, of any parent: To know that they have done their job well enough that they can let go of their children. And her joy, the joy she had given him, he would have always. He would look back and remember his daughter. And he would see her children, and in them know a piece of her still lived.

 

Yes, for a daughter, he would give her all that she needed to live her life. For a daughter, he would be able to look back without regrets. For a daughter…

 

But it wasn't a daughter that would leave his bed cold at night. There would be no beauty to be seen, no joy to be found, no acceptance to be had in watching his mate whither and die before him. Not for him. Not for one so strong. Not for the one who commanded armies, who would lead an entire civilization into the future. He deserved a mate who was beautiful and powerful and strong, just like he was. He deserved someone who could stand by his side always, who would be there for him, with him, to the end.

 

Eternally...

 

An eternity she didn't have and could never hope to give.

 

The air had become suddenly heavy. It was hard to breathe. Her chest was tight, pressure squeezing the air from her lungs even as she strained to gulp it in.

 

It was too much.

 

Her head was pounding, the harsh beat of her heart like a jackhammer inside her skull.

 

Just too much.

 

Her eyes stung, darkness edging ever closer in her vision.

 

She needed air. She needed out.

 

Outside. Spinning fast, Kagome listened to the urgent prompting in her head. She stumbled forwards, grasping out in the semi-darkness for the panel that would open the door to the balcony. Her hands were shaking when they finally caught on the latch. Fitful tremors made it almost impossible to make them cooperate. But she forced it, the door grinding harshly against its tracks as she shoved it aside.

 

The cool night air that hit her lungs felt like ice, sharp and cutting, spreading a prickling chill through her veins. But she gulped it in, straining, panting, her eyes so misted she could hardly see at all. Even so, she managed to find focus enough to slide the door panel shut behind her. She sagged heavily against it once it fit itself into its latches, trying to find her centre, trying to bring calm to the panic that had seized within her.

 

But for all her efforts, it was the voice from back within the room that stilled her frantic breaths and racing heart. It was muffled and pulled by the distance and the walls between them, but something in that voice carried out to her, wanting, needing her to hear.

 

“Lord Sesshomaru?”

 

Sesshomaru hadn't been looking at the girl. His attention had been pulled away when Kagome had made a sudden bolt for the door. He couldn't understand it. The torrent of her emotions had crashed down about her with such impossible speed and number that he had hardly been able to decipher one, let alone know which to blame for her sudden flight.

 

He shook off the urge to go after her though, turning his focus back to his young ward. “Yes Rin?”

 

“Is Miss Kagome going to stay with us now?”

 

Kami above, it was so simple even the child could see it! So what in the seven layers of hell was going through that miko's head that she would deny him for this damn long?

 

Holding in the harsh breath that wanted to leave him, Sesshomaru shook his head. “I do not know.”

 

“Rin sure hopes she does.”

 

The innocence of her words came from their truth, and Sesshomaru soften to them. “As do I, Rin. As do I.”

 

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