InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Waiting in the Darkness/ Releasing the Damned ❯ Waiting in the Darkness ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: MIztikal_Dragon 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / / Suspense | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 08.29.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.9K | Visits: 467 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / / Suspense | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 08.29.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.9K | Visits: 467 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but if I did....
Waiting in the Darkness
By Miztikal-Dragon
The sun was setting behind the mountains again, the orange, blue, and purple hues filling the sky as if it was a rainbow. Days had turned into weeks, and weeks into months and still there was no sign of him. The Sakura trees had bloomed with their beautiful flowers, but now they covered the ground, the tree dying after the long spring. It was like living in the fall knowing that death was upon you and having no way to save yourself.
That’s how I feel everyday.
I can tell you some happy story about the “good ol’ days” but those are nothing but memories that ache when I recall them. They are my punishment for being human, my uncertainties that leave me with nothing but pathetic weaknesses. I thank Buddha everyday that InuYasha and Kagome took me in and practically nursed me back to health, but now I feel as though it was all in vain; I had nothing to offer but a hollow smile. I’m no more the person who I was, I’m dead inside and it will be nothing short of a miracle when the rest of me follows.
Closing my eyes momentarily, I let the gentle breeze flow through my onyx hair, the smell of freedom tickling my senses, it was teasing me because I feel nothing but caged. Getting up from my spot and stepping completely outside, I leave the small town behind me and wander off. I was always good at doing that when I was younger, well at least before I met HIM.
A smile of sadness graces my lips as I continue my journey towards InuYasha’s forest, the wet grass was ice cold underneath my feet sending chills up my spine. It had been raining a lot in the past couple of days, and it matched my mood like a glove. Letting my vision dance lazily at the peaceful scenery around me, I disappear into the foliage, I don’t want to be found. All I want is to be alone.
Birds sing their sweet melody from the trees surrounding me, at least their songs know nothing but happiness, they know nothing of heartache or desperation to hold onto something slipping like water through their fingers. (okay so their wings) Touching the rough bark with my pale fingers, I trace the grooves made from claw marks, demons were all around this place and I wish one would find me.
I heard so many stories from Shippo about how important the forest was to the group of ‘misfits’. I liked to call them that since I felt that that’s what they were, just misfits who had come together and made the world a little better to live in. Honestly, those stories repulsed me, they filled my heart with so much jealousy that I was blinded by it while I lay waiting for sleep to consume me, waiting for the darkness. How could Kagome get such a happy ending while I was left in the dust. I deserved it more than she did, I had been through so much more than she had, I was the better person!
Looking angrily towards the Goshinboku, I cursed under my breath. I learned it from InuYasha, and by myself I used those words more than he could even imagine. If anyone heard such words coming from my mouth, I’m sure they’d blush, no one ever thinks that I can be anything but a child, but I’m NOT! Finding myself a secluded place to rest, I slowly sit down and play with the grass, tearing it from the ground like I was something that could be in control.
The sun’s light was almost gone and I knew that it would be a wise decision to head back towards the village, the place that I learned so long ago was my permanent home, but I refuse to let myself get up. If it was home then why wasn’t he there? I heard the pervert monk say that ‘home is where the heart is’ once or twice, but does that mean my heart is still with HIM.
As sad as it may seem I still do not have the strength in me to say my beloved’s name, its like begging the gods to let me die, impossible. Letting my head rest in my hands I sigh heavily, I could feel the anger building in my heart, bridging to the boiling point. I could feel the inner rage aflame in my being. My knees begin to go numb from sitting on them for so long, I’m still not used to it and it’s not like I can sit like I want to in this light colored kimono that probably now has grass stains, but its not like I care.
Grasping my hair in my hands, I tug at the long locks of onyx strands and try to relieve the stress dwelling inside. My body trembles as I tuck myself into a tighter ball, I’m just not strong enough for this, I can’t stand myself, or anything. I hate my humanity, I hate everything about this fucking place that it makes me sick. It makes me want to cut my flesh into pieces. Screaming out my frustration as the clouds roll in and the rain falls in tiny droplets. The anger that I harvested since that one day spills out of me like bile and even if I wanted to, I can’t stop myself from screaming to the heavens. I need to be released from this hell.
Long but not forgotten tears prickle at the back of my eyes, their warmth singing at my lashes and threaten to fall, and I struggle to hold them back. My nails digging into my scalp, pulling hair from my head, my screams turning into anguished cries. I’m breaking for real, everything I once held onto for dear life melted before my very eyes, there is nothing to keep me sane. I can feel the unwelcome warm water slip from my eyes, followed by more of the same. I’ve sprung a leak, my body is crying, crying for something that even I know will never happen. Crying because the only thing I have left is myself and that’s nothing to be proud of because I am a monster. I’m human, a fucking human and it makes me scum of scum.
I can’t breathe, my throat is soar but I am able to wrench a gasp and suck in a lung full of oxygen, my chest pounding fiercely, my body shuddering from the tears, the cold of the rain, and my exhaustion. I don’t have much left, I don’t have the strength to carry on. I just can’t go on like this. I’m soaked to the bone by the time I’m able to regain composure over myself, its pathetic how weak I am, how ugly of a creature I am. A disgrace to the beauty that is him;
That is My Sesshomaru.
Tired sobs are all that I have left now, I don’t know what to do, but I can feel them on me again and I pray that it is my guardian of death. I’ve noticed the feel of burning in my shoulder before, many times before, but I’ve been able to ignore it until now. I was strong enough to keep going, but now I’m nothing but an empty corpse waiting for the darkness, waiting for someone to set me free. The rain it falls harder and through blurry eyes I can see the pink color of my skin from the cold rain, fate is a cruel mistress and I bet anything that she’ll laughing her pretty ass off right now.
Getting slowly to my feet like a weak baby doe, I grasp the tree next to me as a lifeline, my knees are shaking and they threaten to buckle underneath my weight, they eyes I feel staring holes into my back are getting closer.
“Show yourself!” I demand, my voice holds authority, but laced with such hatred. Innocence had deserted me so long ago, but then again so had he.
Rustling of bushes let me know that there is something hiding from me, the sun is now gone and darkness is chased away by the full moon. There is no eternal night for me or for the person who leaves me breathless. Silver hair blows into the moon’s light and my eyes grow wide as I see him for the first time since he abandoned me. I see him but not as a demon striking fear into the hearts of every living thing, I see him as a demon yet my demon none the less.
“Rin,” my body trembles at his words, the tone was too hard for me to understand I don’t recognize it! I DON’T.
“Sess-” His name dies on my lips as my legs turn to goo and I fall to the ground, mud covering my kimono.
His deep amber eyes stare into my own brown ones, how can this be? He left me! I was no longer needed, why is he here? I’m human! I’m HUMAN! Only a pathetic human so why does he look at me with those eyes with an emotion that I can’t understand. WHY? Grinding my teeth as he steps towards me, I fight back the urge I have to beg for him to take me away from this place. I didn’t leave him he left me, so I wasn’t going to beg like a dog for him to take me back, for him to try and let me live with him no matter how horrible I am. No matter how much of a intolerable being I am in comparison to anything remotely good.
I don’t remember what happened next, but the next thing I know is that I’m wrapped up in something warm, but I’m freezing. Its dark all around me, but the shadows of a fire surround the now brown walls. I’m in a cave, go figure huh? Moving my head to the side, I smell his scent and glancing up I see his amber eyes watching me with vigil, I can’t elude them. His clawed hand gingerly dances across my forehead brushing my bangs from my face and I shudder at the touch.
“You’re sick again,” I knew it already. Kagome had told me the day before that I was coming down with something called ‘pneumonia’. “Rest your eyes, I’ll be here when you wake.”
I let a genuine smile come to my lips at his words, he was lying and we both knew it. I’m not as stupid as I once was, I understand what he was saying, I’m sick. Again, but this time in more ways than one.
“N-” My throat hurt so badly and I could feel the tears prickling at the back of my eyes. “Yo-you left me. I-I--I can’t sleep.”
His eyes narrowed at my words, two wrongs don’t make a right--An eye for an eye, a lie for a lie. In fact I wanted to sleep, I could feel it trying to pull me back, but I fought against it, I wanted to stay just a while longer.
“Rest your eyes Rin,” He wasn’t asking me and I could feel a twinge of pain in my heart. Always he was so cold, never bending. “I’ll wait for you here, I will not leave you again.”
“Y-you may not want to leave me,” They fell now and his clawed hand wiped my tears away, our eyes never leaving each other. “But this time it will--I’m leaving instead.”
“I won’t let you,” He growled angrily trying to argue his way out of it. I knew he had Tenseiga--but only my body would heal, my mind and heart was another story.
“P-please,” I was begging now, my weakness coming out of its hidden place. Pathetic human needs, curse my nature! “Please Sesshomaru… I’m so tired, I wanna be free. I can’t-I don’t want to--”
“No!” I recognize the desperation in his voice as his nose scrunched up. “I refuse to let you--I need yo--Rin I forbid you to leave me.”
He needs me.
It was then that the anger of the past left me like a cold breeze in the summer, he needed me. Of course I know what he really meant, even as stupid as I am I know that he didn’t want me to leave him. It was love for him that I feel that kept me going like a mindless zombie for so long. It was love for him that I was able to wait in the darkness hoping that one day he’d return and proclaim his love for me and whisk me away to his castle where we would live happily ever after.
It was my belief for something in return that made me run until there was nothing left. Fairy tales, happy endings, they can’t exist for me, not with how I am. Not with how messed up everything became. Love evaded me as if I was the black plague, taking with it everything that I needed to survive. It took Sesshomaru away from me once, and now it was me who was being taken prisoner.
“Release me,” it was a plea that broke my heart, but I need it. I need to be free from the sadness, from the heartache. I need to start over, but completely over, if the gods permitted it. “I don’t want to suffer anymore. Please Sesshomaru--I beg of you, please release me from this world.”
There was no declaration of love from his mouth, someone like him couldn’t say the words, he was too strong of a demon to admit to himself when he was defeated by emotions. Emotions that belonged to worthless humans.
“Rin,” ice cold, he was hiding his emotions from me once again, but something was different this time. He had made his choice and I struggled to comfort him, my arm throbbing with pain as it lay limply over his own. My fingers curling around his, but their grasp wasn’t enough, I didn’t have the strength to hold his hand.
“Wait for me,” he told me as he leaned forward placing a chaste kiss on my forehead. “Wait for me in the darkness and I’ll find you. I-I am sorry.”
I laughed a little, the tears sliding down my face in appreciation. He was letting me go. Letting out a heavy sigh as his clawed fingers wrapped around mine, I let my eyes flutter close. Sure it wasn’t an ending that I ever thought would happen but it was one that I was thankful for. At least I got him to say that he loved me, not in those exact words, but I knew that he meant it with the way his eyes looked at me.
Yes I would be waiting for him in the darkness, and when he finally arrives I will welcome him with open arms and a smiling face. This time my smile will be a real one, and then I can search for my ‘fairy tale ending’ for my happiness.
End.
E/N: Well I can offically say that I cried while typing this. Not the ending that I was thinking, but I'm glad that I ended it this way. Flames will be accepted because lets face it, I'm sure that there are some people who will hate me, and that's just spiffy. What ever fits your fancy.
Special thanks to Kristen who asked if I was going to write a sequel, she got the plot bunnies working and then I just went at it. OO and I would like to thank The WallFlowers' song "One Headlight" its the song I was listening to while writting it. If you haven't heard the song, you should go listen to it. It's one of my personal favorites.
-Krystal-
Waiting in the Darkness
By Miztikal-Dragon
The sun was setting behind the mountains again, the orange, blue, and purple hues filling the sky as if it was a rainbow. Days had turned into weeks, and weeks into months and still there was no sign of him. The Sakura trees had bloomed with their beautiful flowers, but now they covered the ground, the tree dying after the long spring. It was like living in the fall knowing that death was upon you and having no way to save yourself.
That’s how I feel everyday.
I can tell you some happy story about the “good ol’ days” but those are nothing but memories that ache when I recall them. They are my punishment for being human, my uncertainties that leave me with nothing but pathetic weaknesses. I thank Buddha everyday that InuYasha and Kagome took me in and practically nursed me back to health, but now I feel as though it was all in vain; I had nothing to offer but a hollow smile. I’m no more the person who I was, I’m dead inside and it will be nothing short of a miracle when the rest of me follows.
Closing my eyes momentarily, I let the gentle breeze flow through my onyx hair, the smell of freedom tickling my senses, it was teasing me because I feel nothing but caged. Getting up from my spot and stepping completely outside, I leave the small town behind me and wander off. I was always good at doing that when I was younger, well at least before I met HIM.
A smile of sadness graces my lips as I continue my journey towards InuYasha’s forest, the wet grass was ice cold underneath my feet sending chills up my spine. It had been raining a lot in the past couple of days, and it matched my mood like a glove. Letting my vision dance lazily at the peaceful scenery around me, I disappear into the foliage, I don’t want to be found. All I want is to be alone.
Birds sing their sweet melody from the trees surrounding me, at least their songs know nothing but happiness, they know nothing of heartache or desperation to hold onto something slipping like water through their fingers. (okay so their wings) Touching the rough bark with my pale fingers, I trace the grooves made from claw marks, demons were all around this place and I wish one would find me.
I heard so many stories from Shippo about how important the forest was to the group of ‘misfits’. I liked to call them that since I felt that that’s what they were, just misfits who had come together and made the world a little better to live in. Honestly, those stories repulsed me, they filled my heart with so much jealousy that I was blinded by it while I lay waiting for sleep to consume me, waiting for the darkness. How could Kagome get such a happy ending while I was left in the dust. I deserved it more than she did, I had been through so much more than she had, I was the better person!
Looking angrily towards the Goshinboku, I cursed under my breath. I learned it from InuYasha, and by myself I used those words more than he could even imagine. If anyone heard such words coming from my mouth, I’m sure they’d blush, no one ever thinks that I can be anything but a child, but I’m NOT! Finding myself a secluded place to rest, I slowly sit down and play with the grass, tearing it from the ground like I was something that could be in control.
The sun’s light was almost gone and I knew that it would be a wise decision to head back towards the village, the place that I learned so long ago was my permanent home, but I refuse to let myself get up. If it was home then why wasn’t he there? I heard the pervert monk say that ‘home is where the heart is’ once or twice, but does that mean my heart is still with HIM.
As sad as it may seem I still do not have the strength in me to say my beloved’s name, its like begging the gods to let me die, impossible. Letting my head rest in my hands I sigh heavily, I could feel the anger building in my heart, bridging to the boiling point. I could feel the inner rage aflame in my being. My knees begin to go numb from sitting on them for so long, I’m still not used to it and it’s not like I can sit like I want to in this light colored kimono that probably now has grass stains, but its not like I care.
Grasping my hair in my hands, I tug at the long locks of onyx strands and try to relieve the stress dwelling inside. My body trembles as I tuck myself into a tighter ball, I’m just not strong enough for this, I can’t stand myself, or anything. I hate my humanity, I hate everything about this fucking place that it makes me sick. It makes me want to cut my flesh into pieces. Screaming out my frustration as the clouds roll in and the rain falls in tiny droplets. The anger that I harvested since that one day spills out of me like bile and even if I wanted to, I can’t stop myself from screaming to the heavens. I need to be released from this hell.
Long but not forgotten tears prickle at the back of my eyes, their warmth singing at my lashes and threaten to fall, and I struggle to hold them back. My nails digging into my scalp, pulling hair from my head, my screams turning into anguished cries. I’m breaking for real, everything I once held onto for dear life melted before my very eyes, there is nothing to keep me sane. I can feel the unwelcome warm water slip from my eyes, followed by more of the same. I’ve sprung a leak, my body is crying, crying for something that even I know will never happen. Crying because the only thing I have left is myself and that’s nothing to be proud of because I am a monster. I’m human, a fucking human and it makes me scum of scum.
I can’t breathe, my throat is soar but I am able to wrench a gasp and suck in a lung full of oxygen, my chest pounding fiercely, my body shuddering from the tears, the cold of the rain, and my exhaustion. I don’t have much left, I don’t have the strength to carry on. I just can’t go on like this. I’m soaked to the bone by the time I’m able to regain composure over myself, its pathetic how weak I am, how ugly of a creature I am. A disgrace to the beauty that is him;
That is My Sesshomaru.
Tired sobs are all that I have left now, I don’t know what to do, but I can feel them on me again and I pray that it is my guardian of death. I’ve noticed the feel of burning in my shoulder before, many times before, but I’ve been able to ignore it until now. I was strong enough to keep going, but now I’m nothing but an empty corpse waiting for the darkness, waiting for someone to set me free. The rain it falls harder and through blurry eyes I can see the pink color of my skin from the cold rain, fate is a cruel mistress and I bet anything that she’ll laughing her pretty ass off right now.
Getting slowly to my feet like a weak baby doe, I grasp the tree next to me as a lifeline, my knees are shaking and they threaten to buckle underneath my weight, they eyes I feel staring holes into my back are getting closer.
“Show yourself!” I demand, my voice holds authority, but laced with such hatred. Innocence had deserted me so long ago, but then again so had he.
Rustling of bushes let me know that there is something hiding from me, the sun is now gone and darkness is chased away by the full moon. There is no eternal night for me or for the person who leaves me breathless. Silver hair blows into the moon’s light and my eyes grow wide as I see him for the first time since he abandoned me. I see him but not as a demon striking fear into the hearts of every living thing, I see him as a demon yet my demon none the less.
“Rin,” my body trembles at his words, the tone was too hard for me to understand I don’t recognize it! I DON’T.
“Sess-” His name dies on my lips as my legs turn to goo and I fall to the ground, mud covering my kimono.
His deep amber eyes stare into my own brown ones, how can this be? He left me! I was no longer needed, why is he here? I’m human! I’m HUMAN! Only a pathetic human so why does he look at me with those eyes with an emotion that I can’t understand. WHY? Grinding my teeth as he steps towards me, I fight back the urge I have to beg for him to take me away from this place. I didn’t leave him he left me, so I wasn’t going to beg like a dog for him to take me back, for him to try and let me live with him no matter how horrible I am. No matter how much of a intolerable being I am in comparison to anything remotely good.
I don’t remember what happened next, but the next thing I know is that I’m wrapped up in something warm, but I’m freezing. Its dark all around me, but the shadows of a fire surround the now brown walls. I’m in a cave, go figure huh? Moving my head to the side, I smell his scent and glancing up I see his amber eyes watching me with vigil, I can’t elude them. His clawed hand gingerly dances across my forehead brushing my bangs from my face and I shudder at the touch.
“You’re sick again,” I knew it already. Kagome had told me the day before that I was coming down with something called ‘pneumonia’. “Rest your eyes, I’ll be here when you wake.”
I let a genuine smile come to my lips at his words, he was lying and we both knew it. I’m not as stupid as I once was, I understand what he was saying, I’m sick. Again, but this time in more ways than one.
“N-” My throat hurt so badly and I could feel the tears prickling at the back of my eyes. “Yo-you left me. I-I--I can’t sleep.”
His eyes narrowed at my words, two wrongs don’t make a right--An eye for an eye, a lie for a lie. In fact I wanted to sleep, I could feel it trying to pull me back, but I fought against it, I wanted to stay just a while longer.
“Rest your eyes Rin,” He wasn’t asking me and I could feel a twinge of pain in my heart. Always he was so cold, never bending. “I’ll wait for you here, I will not leave you again.”
“Y-you may not want to leave me,” They fell now and his clawed hand wiped my tears away, our eyes never leaving each other. “But this time it will--I’m leaving instead.”
“I won’t let you,” He growled angrily trying to argue his way out of it. I knew he had Tenseiga--but only my body would heal, my mind and heart was another story.
“P-please,” I was begging now, my weakness coming out of its hidden place. Pathetic human needs, curse my nature! “Please Sesshomaru… I’m so tired, I wanna be free. I can’t-I don’t want to--”
“No!” I recognize the desperation in his voice as his nose scrunched up. “I refuse to let you--I need yo--Rin I forbid you to leave me.”
He needs me.
It was then that the anger of the past left me like a cold breeze in the summer, he needed me. Of course I know what he really meant, even as stupid as I am I know that he didn’t want me to leave him. It was love for him that I feel that kept me going like a mindless zombie for so long. It was love for him that I was able to wait in the darkness hoping that one day he’d return and proclaim his love for me and whisk me away to his castle where we would live happily ever after.
It was my belief for something in return that made me run until there was nothing left. Fairy tales, happy endings, they can’t exist for me, not with how I am. Not with how messed up everything became. Love evaded me as if I was the black plague, taking with it everything that I needed to survive. It took Sesshomaru away from me once, and now it was me who was being taken prisoner.
“Release me,” it was a plea that broke my heart, but I need it. I need to be free from the sadness, from the heartache. I need to start over, but completely over, if the gods permitted it. “I don’t want to suffer anymore. Please Sesshomaru--I beg of you, please release me from this world.”
There was no declaration of love from his mouth, someone like him couldn’t say the words, he was too strong of a demon to admit to himself when he was defeated by emotions. Emotions that belonged to worthless humans.
“Rin,” ice cold, he was hiding his emotions from me once again, but something was different this time. He had made his choice and I struggled to comfort him, my arm throbbing with pain as it lay limply over his own. My fingers curling around his, but their grasp wasn’t enough, I didn’t have the strength to hold his hand.
“Wait for me,” he told me as he leaned forward placing a chaste kiss on my forehead. “Wait for me in the darkness and I’ll find you. I-I am sorry.”
I laughed a little, the tears sliding down my face in appreciation. He was letting me go. Letting out a heavy sigh as his clawed fingers wrapped around mine, I let my eyes flutter close. Sure it wasn’t an ending that I ever thought would happen but it was one that I was thankful for. At least I got him to say that he loved me, not in those exact words, but I knew that he meant it with the way his eyes looked at me.
Yes I would be waiting for him in the darkness, and when he finally arrives I will welcome him with open arms and a smiling face. This time my smile will be a real one, and then I can search for my ‘fairy tale ending’ for my happiness.
End.
E/N: Well I can offically say that I cried while typing this. Not the ending that I was thinking, but I'm glad that I ended it this way. Flames will be accepted because lets face it, I'm sure that there are some people who will hate me, and that's just spiffy. What ever fits your fancy.
Special thanks to Kristen who asked if I was going to write a sequel, she got the plot bunnies working and then I just went at it. OO and I would like to thank The WallFlowers' song "One Headlight" its the song I was listening to while writting it. If you haven't heard the song, you should go listen to it. It's one of my personal favorites.
-Krystal-