InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ War's Shadow ❯ Undeniable ( Chapter 18 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

18 - Undeniable

Gray, gloomy, faded. That was how her surroundings appeared to her when she woke the next morning, feeling as though color had been zapped into a cacophony of bland, rain-soaked, and the barest, squint-eyed glimpse of a dismal sky peeking through the canopy of tree tops. Zadi's numb-brained judgment of her immediate world suddenly became less relevant, as recent events circled back through her mind. Her eyes went from bleary and unfocused to widened and thoroughly alert as images of that writhing, humid encounter during the remnants of the previous night came back to simultaneously torture her and provoke an uncharacteristic, girlish giddiness.

"I know that's not regret I'm sensing," came a drawled, lazy voice, and she suddenly realized that, naturally, she could not feign sleep with him around, not even long enough to regain her thoughts. "So...what is it? Worried that I'll think you're some sort of whore like the rest of your human peers?"

"Kanaye!" she cried hoarsely, sitting up quickly, and realizing a little late that she was still in a complete state of undress.

"That sounds familiar," came the arrogant, entitled response from the demon who succeeded in making her feel even more uncomfortable by being fully clothed, immaculate once more, and sitting across from her, staring at her with rapt fascination and a very smug expression.

"I am not a whore!" she began emphatically, wondering if he was reverting to being a jerk or playing with her in some way.

"No, you're not, but you do learn quickly, don't you?" he congratulated. "And you've detained me quite a bit. I wondered how long you would lie there, but even I have enough manners not to abandon someone I have so recently---"

"Kanaye," came the warning voice, as though trying to keep his penchant for vulgarity at bay.

Appearing angelic and beyond reproach, he smiled faintly as he politely inquired, "Yes?"

She frowned unconvincingly at him, her eyes moving to inspect her arms, which were bruised and sore from his earlier rough treatment. Her eyes widened when she recognized a nipped mark in the skin, bringing the offended appendage up to eye level so she could inspect it more closely. "You bit me!" she accused, sounding more surprised than appalled.

"It happens," he said unapologetically, looking, if anything, amused by her rumpled appearance and behavior. "One should be shocked by such things when they seduce a dog youkai?" He tilted his head and pointed to the base of his throat. “I got you there, too. Stand up and I’ll take a full inspection,” he suggested in a wicked tone.

"I look like I've been mauled,” she muttered, shaking her head as she brushed some grass off of her.

"You were," he proclaimed with crushing ego. "But, odd that you wait until now to begin complaining. Excellent cover for Eizan, wouldn't you say? Show him all you like."

Blue eyes flickered exasperatedly in his direction, trying to look forbidding despite the fact that the amused smile would not follow her command and leave her face. Strategically covering herself, she moved to reach for her clothing. "Turn around."

"I think not," he answered instantly, eyebrows rising at the command.

"You're not exactly chivalrous, are you?" she sighed, reaching up to begin detangling a dismaying number of wet leaves from her long hair.

"The very thought is insulting," he scoffed, watching shamelessly as she stood and quickly began dressing herself. "You human women are so strange," he commented more slowly, enjoying the view she was providing. "You willingly fling yourselves into the throws of all manner of carnal activities...and then you cower as soon as daylight returns. I do not understand your self-recriminating tendencies."

Her back to him as she hurriedly continued to dress, Zadi's face reddened with each word. "It's called 'modesty'."

"Modesty is for the old and wrinkled," he announced with boyish charm.

She finished adjusting her sleeves and finally turned to him, her face a normal color once more. "Ah, if that is so, then why were you up and fully dressed before even I was?"

"Because I did not need to sleep and it is not terribly wise to lie about in such a state because one never knows when they'll encounter an enemy." He cocked his head at her condescendingly. "I don't exactly enjoy the foolish image of my fighting without clothing."

"Ever the warrior, aren't you?" she chided with a small grin. "Honestly, the things that go through your head...."

"It's called 'sense'," he replied, mocking her earlier statement. "And I am not shocked that you do not recognize it."

She watched as he stood, eyeing her with an unreadable look, and she found herself experiencing dread every time he opened his mouth, for fear he would absolutely destroy the day with one of his mean-spirited statements.

"Now that you have gathered yourself, I'll be returning," he stated, bowing his head slightly in mock deference. He was stopped when her hand reached out and grasped onto his sleeve, and he peered over his shoulder at the still-rumpled woman. Her expression was very uncertain and Kanaye's glance fell to the fist that was securely grasping the material, thinking that, not so long ago, any hand that touched him would have been separated from its owner without thought.

"What is it now, little shrew?" he asked of her.

She stared back at him, frozen by the gaze that had caught her, fierce, but warmer than it had once been...and found she could not bring herself to voice whatever menagerie of emotions she was experiencing. She wondered if this was something he did often. He had told her so many times that youkai do not feel in the same manner as humans, and so...if he was incapable, then that was that. She had no regrets.

Zadi finally shook her head, smiling slightly as she released him and stepped back with great dignity. "Nothing. Just be careful."

"Ah, it's that rampaging crush again, is it?" he lightly scolded the assumption. "I suppose I haven't exactly done much to squash it, have I?"

Her expression flickered as she tried to decide whether his own regret was coming through those words. He was nearly impossible to read….

"I have told you where I stand,” he stated calmly. “Your feelings for me are not something I can change on my own, although it would be in your best interest to do so. You have been unwilling thus far to distance yourself from me. Do I love you?" he questioned himself. "No," came the brutal response, "however, I gave in. And I never give in."

Feeling as though her heart had just hardened into a dully-pounding lump, Zadi watched in confusion as he suddenly approached, pulled her toward him, and gave her a rough, open-mouthed kiss. When he attempted to pull away, however, she wrapped her arms around him in a crushing embrace and he was caught, awkwardly bent over this woman, as she lamented, "I just don't understand you at all."

He found himself speaking before the words fully formed in his head, and it was his own confusion about her that was voiced. "The things I do have as much meaning as the things I say. If that's comforting at all, then take it." He pulled back and quirked a sarcastic eyebrow at her. "You look quite regal, you know...with all the grass and leaves in your hair. Bathe before you go back."

And then he detached himself and disappeared.

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He kept trying to come out of it, but it was as though something heavy and unforgiving was sitting on his chest, keeping him pinned and wading through a struggling half-sleep. Inuyasha would blink and turn his head and watch Kagome speak to him, wearing that sweet, adoring expression. She was like an angel, honestly. Inside and out.

But then he would seemingly blink and find himself roaming through half-formed, surreal dreams; bouncing from the past to the present. Things that had happened and hadn't, weaving together in a whirlpool of reality and unreality, and all the while that ever-present, bone-gnawing ache would seep through, bringing him back to Kagome...the real Kagome...again. He would speak to her, but couldn't hear his own voice. Occasionally, he would think he was speaking to her but then the face would change and he would find Rin staring back at him, eyebrows knitted in worry, sometimes accompanied by the hanyou girl, and then this time that ugly, hell-damned mutt was eyeing him as though he was some new strain of bacteria that was spreading unapologetically across his immaculate floors.

And then he looked away...and somehow found himself seated at a table. He looked to his right to find his father busily scooping rice into a bowl. A glance to his left found his mother very sweetly speaking to him, and he had the feeling she was trying to ask him if he wanted something, so he nodded and she poured some unrecognizable drink into a cup, suddenly looking sad, aggrieved....

Something's very wrong here, Inuyasha thought, looking across the scarred wooden table. Beyond the fact that both of his parents were dead, this place they were in was not right...Sango and Miroku's home. It was absent of his two friends, but full of people that truly did not belong here. Feeling disconcerted and annoyed at his mind's disgraceful lapse into insanity, Inuyasha petulantly sunk into the moment.

He looked across the table and blinked at Kagome and Sesshoumaru who were seated side-by-side, talking animatedly about something. Okay, yeah, there's definitely something wrong with that. He moved to reach for the cup, but Kagome's head snapped toward him, brown eyes wide with warning...why is she in her old school uniform?...as she quickly admonished him.

"Inuyasha, don't drink that. It's bad for you."

"But Mother....," he began to object, casting a look at the primly-seated Izayoi.

"She gave it to you because you asked for it, not because she wants you to drink it," Kagome revealed, sharing a secret look with the woman.

Huh? Inuyasha watched as she turned back to Sesshoumaru and resumed their conversation, and this time it looked slightly more heated. He could have sworn he saw his brother roll his eyes at her, but there was something wrong with that, too, because Sesshoumaru's precious dignity would never allow for such an immature expression.

Inuyasha frowned, reached up and scratched an ear...and was instantly nudged by his father. "Don't do that at the table," Inutaisho scolded him before returning to his dinner.

Feeling frozen and unsure of what to do, his attention was diverted from Sesshoumaru and Kagome when he noticed a figure near the far wall. Kanaye was seated on the floor in very canine-fashion, attempting to look regal despite having a chain circled around his neck, one end of which was firmly latched to the wall.

Well, that's fitting at least. "Why's he chained up, Oyaji?" Inuyasha quietly questioned his father.

Inutaisho looked up and heaved a sigh. "I can't make him behave. It’s his own fault."

Accepting that as sensible, Inuyasha reached for his cup again, stopping Kagome and Sesshoumaru's conversation once more as they turned to look at him, a dual stare of caution, one wide and brown, the other narrowed and gold.

"If you are too stupid to know better than to drink that, I can always take it from you," Sesshoumaru airily suggested.

"Try it, fool. And just what are you two so chatty about?" Inuyasha questioned sullenly, fighting the urge to cross the table and knock Sesshoumaru's smug ass out of his sight. There was something about them that bugged him. They were sitting a little too close...Kagome's arm was nearly touching his brother’s and it was making his hackles rise. Since when are they such good pals?

"We are working out the terms, if you must know," Sesshoumaru proclaimed, smiling meanly.

"Eh? Terms of what?"

"It's an obligation, really," Inutaisho said slowly, looking up at his eldest with solemn thoughtfulness before averting his eyes and turning to Inuyasha. "Left over from that ancient pack mentality we used to adhere to. When a dog youkai died, his brother ensured the well-being of the line by taking on the deceased brother's mate. It's an old, dead tradition, but we both know how rigid Sesshoumaru can be," he announced in a tone that was a mixture of affection and resignation.

"What the hell are you saying?!" Inuyasha exclaimed, turning a fiery gaze back on Sesshoumaru and Kagome. Yes, they're much too cozy over there. He watched as Sesshoumaru's fingers drummed lightly on the table, scant inches from Kagome's...

"I'm about to take that arm back off of you, pal," Inuyasha warned.

"Don't think I'm thrilled about it, hanyou," Sesshoumaru sighed, sounding like he had fully surrendered to his martyrdom. "But if your weak little body is going to give out, then she'll move on to the better brother, hmm?"

"Like hell she will!"

"Do you want that ill-conceived child to call me ‘Father’, Inuyasha? Then drop dead. You'll do it a favor."

Inuyasha leapt to his feet, ignoring his mother when she voiced her surprise and dismay at his poor manners. That sickening smirk possessed his brother's features and, seeing red, Inuyasha crossed the table...

...and latched onto Sesshoumaru like a rabid animal. Sesshoumaru barely had time to turn and register his moment of shocked surprise before the inert form was suddenly upright, mobile, and obviously intent on wrecking him.

Those last words rang in his ears and Inuyasha took a moment to enjoy the shocked look that had welded itself across Sesshoumaru's face. "I’ll kill you," he swore breathlessly, practically nose-to-nose with that hated face. "You goddamned whore-spawned---"

"Be grateful that I am willing to excuse your raving delirium," Sesshoumaru hissed, pushing the furious hanyou off of him and rising to his feet. He hovered imperiously overhead as Inuyasha melted back into the floor, breathing as though he had just exhausted himself.

Inuyasha blinked up at the ceiling, the flames from the nearby lamp casting flickering shadows on the wooden beams. He smelled smoke, a choking, nauseating scent that clung to every breath he inhaled.

"Something's burning," he whispered fiercely, feeling worn and weighted by...what? He couldn’t even think straight.

"No, it's not."

"You think you know everything. Bastard, you stay away from her," Inuyasha's voice rasped as discomfort seized him and he worked to push himself back up. It honestly felt like a horse was trying to lie on him…

"’Her’ who?" Sesshoumaru frowned, becoming certain that the boy was succumbing to insanity right before his eyes.

"I feel like shit," Inuyasha complained distractedly, not hearing Sesshoumaru's question. Inuyasha glanced up at the window, narrowing his eyes into focus so that he could stare out the window. The sky was a damning gray, a suffocating shroud that was expelling an incessant stream of rainfall, beating deafeningly overhead. It was maddening…and damn, it was hot….

"That would be an accurate feeling," Sesshoumaru proclaimed coolly, the rain pounding on the roof echoing in his ear drums as resoundingly as the frantically surging heartbeat of the hanyou, who was feverish and sweating heavily, clutching at the bedding as though convinced it was going to try to dump him onto the floor.

"Where is she?" Inuyasha questioned, turning a dark-eyed look in his direction and Sesshoumaru wondered if he was hearing him. Will I follow him into this…whatever this is…? he wondered.

"She? Your woman, I assume? She is concerned, and rightfully so, that you are careening toward your death. She and Rin are searching for something she can use to improve your condition. I have been doing my very best to ignore you, but you summoned me by the customary string of obscenities." Sesshoumaru's eyebrows rose. "And you should know that you have been spreading your vapid language. The hanyou girl has taken to chanting the word 'kusou' just for its own sake."

"Then they're all right," Inuyasha murmured in relief, looking to have seized on reality for the moment. "Someone must have gotten me good because I don't remember a damned thing past leaving the house with them." His head lifted again and he sniffed the air. "You're sure nothing's burning? You probably ought to check."

"Nothing is burning," Sesshoumaru repeated, grateful in a way that Inuyasha did not remember the night before. Some things were better unexplained and not discussed. "The fire was extinguished by the storm before it spread to the rest of the house."

He watched as Inuyasha worked once more to become comfortable. It was like witnessing someone’s struggle against an unseen hand, like something was holding him down, and Sesshoumaru could identify with that feeling because he, too, felt that heavy, creeping malaise.

Inuyasha finally went limp, as though submitting to whatever it was, staring straight up at the ceiling, eyes glassy and tired. Sesshoumaru turned and moved back to the door, but was stopped by Inuyasha's voice.

"Hey."

Sesshoumaru turned, feeling something akin to pity for the boy. Perhaps because he might not be far behind him. Or maybe it was because he suddenly reminded him less of the violent, foul-mouthed thug and more like...

"What is this?" he questioned, and Sesshoumaru found he could not summon the ire that usually accompanied a response to one of his brother's questions.

"You were struck by Ryuujin's attack and are suffering from the lingering affects,” Sesshoumaru said, pulling aside his collar to display the unhealed remnants of the identical wound he had received, a ghastly, dark marring of otherwise perfect skin. "Mine is refusing to heal. I am not certain that you will be able to survive yours."

"Will you?"

"Is this a rivalry?" Sesshoumaru questioned curiously. The hanyou truly did not understand his limitations...

"It's always a rivalry," Inuyasha replied breathlessly, then blinked as though remembering something important. “Did you find Rin? I didn’t get to go back.”

Frowning at Inuyasha’s incoherence, Sesshoumaru replied slowly, “Yes. You didn’t need to go back for her.”

“I would have. That girl has your soul. You’re almost tolerable when she’s around,” came Inuyasha’s pained response. He shifted miserably again in a failed search for relief before looking back at Sesshoumaru, as though seeing him for the first time. “Do you smell that?”

“Smoke?” Sesshoumaru questioned wryly. He would almost be amused at Inuyasha’s genuine, circular confusion if it wasn’t for the fact that it was so pitiful.

“Yeah.”

Sesshoumaru released an exasperated breath as he moved back toward the door, not bothering to argue the point again. “I’ll take care of it.”

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The sun never did find its way back. The omnipresent gray gloom stubbornly clung to the sky until it was difficult to judge the time of day. The damage done to his property was extensive, Sesshoumaru noted once more as he stepped outside, shielded from the rain by the overhanging roof. The trees and grass would grow back, the structures could be rebuilt, though Ah-Un was certainly miffed at what had become of its comfortable stable. It didn't matter. Or perhaps it didn't matter because he was too weary for it to take up much thought. Perhaps when full light struck he would feel that burning anger, but now...

Eizan and the last of his accursed offspring were about to be scoured from the earth and all would be repaid.

Except for her. Yes, Elif had earned her survival, however...their truce might come to a halt once she understood that he had no intention of repeating his father's mistake by handing the north back over to the survivor. His own descendants would not be forced to fight hers over the same grievances.

My descendants? For the first time in his life, it was difficult for him to even imagine such a thing. He had always assumed that, eventually, he would come across a suitable youkai female and continue the line, but now....

That could not happen with Rin. It would be a selfish thing to create these half-formed creatures, like Inuyasha and Ashitera, just to suit himself or her. Inuyasha had struggled for every day of his existence until he had received Tessaiga, and even now he was a constant reminder of how truly pitiful hanyou were. They had half the strength and power and were targeted far more swiftly because of it.

Inuyasha had done the right thing, pairing up with a human; continuing in that direction would eventually wash out the remnants of youkai blood, naturally repairing their father's mistake. Although, it was strange to consider that his father and even himself would be forever tied to this one line of humans. There was no escaping it now, not once this girl arrived...

It seemed he would fail in the one thing his father had done successfully, creating someone who would be capable of taking his place. His heart refused to see beyond Rin; it was like a door shut and closed and, as a youkai, it was difficult, learning to live in just the present moment, absorbing it all for how quickly it passed, but he was learning to do it.

You will simply have to live forever it seems, Sesshoumaru-sama, he thought with some bemusement. His hand absently reached up and rubbed at the wound on his chest, wondering if it was this that was suddenly causing him to mull over the mortality of himself and others. It was not something he was one to ponder, but his invincibility had been hindered some with Tenseiga's absence.

He could hear her nearby, traipsing through the forest with Kagome, their voices carrying back to him in the palest of whispers. She was a reminder of shifted priorities, a different and more important reason for doing things. And she helped him to understand things...even if he did not care for humans as a species, he could love one and forgive the rest for their inadequacies and their blind ignorance. Toutousai had been wrong about Tenseiga being meant to give him a heart. He had always had one, even though it was often hardened and closed. But she, the girl Tenseiga had brought back, had done something to provoke a change. He did not respond to situations in the same way when she was nearby; she reminded him that he had a soul and that his existence could be centered around someone else without fault to his character. A weakness that made him stronger. Strange, but true...and he was certain that was precisely the lesson his father had tried to teach him for all those years.

He wasn’t certain just how it had happened; how matters that were his responsibility had managed to reach out and cause so much damage to these people that had no right or reason to even be involved. And somehow, even stranger, he had allowed himself to be affected by these…others. When would he have ever allowed an enemy to escape for the sake of anyone other than Rin? It certainly wasn’t because he had come to like his brother. He didn’t know whether to hate what he was becoming or accept it as some unwelcome natural progression.

Sesshoumaru gracefully seated himself on the top step. The wind swept through again, bringing a heavier rain and he considered going to retrieve the girls...

He did not turn his head, but listened as the pattering steps of small feet approached him from behind and, before he could even tell her to go back inside, Ashitera flopped down beside him, leg-to-leg, her tiny bare feet tucked primly just out of the reach of the falling rain. She then turned one of those old-soul stares on him and said, “You’re sick.”

“I am not,” he replied simply.

“Are so. I can tell there’s something bad,” she said, wrinkling her nose as though not entirely certain that it was the sense that was telling her this. “Inuyasha smells the same way. He feels bad.”

“Then go sit with him,” Sesshoumaru suggested with bland hope, but he was instead rewarded with a stern look.

“I did.”

Both Sesshoumaru and Ashitera turned to watch as the wolf lumbered dazedly in their direction, flopping down to rest his head across the girl’s knee before exhaling a heavy breath, as though he, too, was worn down and still sleeping off the affects of Keito’s arrow.

“Kusou!” Ashitera crowed. “You’re heavy,” she complained, reaching out to pat the wolf’s sleek-furred head.

“Stop saying that word,” Sesshoumaru reprimanded, turning a displeased frown on her.

“Why?” she questioned curiously before lowering her head to the wolf’s ear, speaking sweet words of utter nonsense.

“Because it is not one that you need to say. It is vulgar.”

“Inuyasha says it.”

“My point exactly. Don’t imitate his language.”

Her face upturned and she grinned widely at him, tiny fangs poking over her lips. “You talk like Ji-sama.”

You’re not trying to make friends, are you? he thought, annoyed at the comparison with Eizan.

“Have you found Ashihei-sama?”

“I’m not looking for him,” Sesshoumaru admitted truthfully. He had told Rin that he would leave this conversation to her, but now he could see how unfair that had been. Ashihei had died at his hands; it was his place to bear the brunt of the girl’s grief or anger or…heavens forbid…a hysterical crying fit. But it was cowardly to continually evade her questions about Ashihei, even though they had been coming less and less frequently from her these days.

“Why? He’s hasn’t found me,” she said simply, wiping a wayward droplet of rain from her face.

Sesshoumaru shifted uncomfortably, listening as the wolf gave a long, whining yawn. “He can’t find you. Your father is gone.”

“Ashihei-sama went to find my father?” the child questioned, obviously confused. She finally shook her head and smiled faintly at him, dismissing his words. “I don’t think I have one.”

Sesshoumaru rarely found himself at a loss for what to say, but found that he was securely in such a position right now. He had no idea what went on in Eizan’s household, but had gathered from his brief interactions with the child that she had been an unwelcome addition. Apparently even more unwanted than he had first assumed, as the fact of who she belonged to was beyond dispute.

The rain began to slacken some, the wind died, and he stiffened involuntarily when Ashitera reached out to touch one of the claws on his right hand, as though to determine just how sharp they were. “Ashihei-sama can turn into a big dog. Can you?” she asked curiously, violet eyes flickering back up to his face.

“Yes.”

“Will you show me?”

“No.”

“Maybe he won’t come back for me,” she said in an odd tone, turning the subject once more, and Sesshoumaru tried to judge whether it was hopeful or sad.

“Ashihei cannot return for you because he is dead. His death was my responsibility.”

This seemed to stun her because she became very quiet and caught him with that depthless, unnerving stare. He refused to look away, however, because he felt no guilt in the matter. Ashihei’s death was deserved and he was only sorry he had been unable to deliver a second and a third.

“Why?” finally came the question, very calmly spoken.

“He threatened people around me.”

“That’s why you burned his house down?”

“Yes.”

Her face changed, became tearful, and he did look away then. “He died?” she questioned tremulously.

“Yes.”

He felt her fingers latch onto the pelt, but refrained from correcting her despite the fact that her hands were probably filthy and she was likely spreading said filth to him. He decided he would let her get away with nearly anything at this point, if she would just spare him a shrieking session. His ears were already throbbing with expectation.

“Do you think he’s happy?”

Happy? Sesshoumaru’s mind repeated incredulously. If Ashihei had gone onto some spiritual post-existence it was likely a reincarnation as a tree stump or something equally befitting his penchant for being dull and inanimate. “I don’t know,” Sesshoumaru supplied, practically choking on the words. Although, if there was any justice in the universe, Ashihei’s afterlife would be appropriately agonizing….

“He said I bothered him a lot,” Ashitera sighed, apparently losing any sense of formality as she moved closer to him.

“You bother me a lot,” Sesshoumaru stated pointedly, glaring at the top of her head.

“You’re very nice. You never get mad,” she said in that same tear-choked voice.

He gaped at her in open astonishment at this, certain that her odd view of reality was going to be a precursor to an unstable adulthood. If you could only have heard some of the thoughts that have circled through my head, girl, you would run from me in a fit of hysterics.

“Ashihei-sama’s with my mama and your mama. He’ll be very happy,” she said in a quieter voice, as though trying to reassure herself.

If he is with my mother, then I can be assured his afterlife will be painstakingly miserable, came Sesshoumaru’s next unforgiving thought.

“I’m happy with you, too,” she said, wiping at her eyes with one sleeve.

He sat up so straight that he was certain the sudden correction in posture would snap something vital. She truly was pitiful, but he had successfully said no to one hanyou and had never looked back, and he was entirely prepared to do it a second time. “This is not the place for you.”

He expected argument but got none, instead she leaned in even further and tucked her head against his arm. He was certain he would never get accustomed to that smell, the one that always put him on edge and ready for a fight. She smells too much like them. But he didn’t move away, simply hoped for Rin’s swift return. The damage had already been done. She had stayed with them too long, had become too comfortable. This was not her home….

“My Mama used to sing to me when I was sick. She said it chases away bad spears.”

“Spirits?” he supplied for her limited vocabulary.

Her head nodded against his arm. “Did your mama do that for you, too?”

“I don’t really remember,” he admitted, eyes narrowing slightly as he tried to pierce through the many layers of memories he had acquired, searching for her face. It was becoming more and more difficult to resurrect what he had not seen in hundreds of years.

“I can sing for you,” Ashitera offered kindly.

“I’m not sick,” he absently reminded her again.

“There’s a bad spirit,” she warned. “There.”

She turned and pointed at his heart and he looked at her in surprise. She senses the jyaki from Ryuujin. Strange for a girl her age. Her senses had to have come from her mother or perhaps had been boosted by her blood ties to Eizan and Kawahira, because Ashihei, for all his learning, had been as dense as a post.

“I can make it go away,” she solemnly promised, and before he could stop her, she was assaulting him with some childish song in a very clear and purposeful voice, as though actually willing the “bad spirit” out of him. The groggy wolf lifted his head, ears flicking at the sound.

When she finished, she turned and looked at him with earnest, red-rimmed eyes. “Did it work? Is it going away?” she asked hopefully.

“Ah...," he paused, mind searching for the best answer. "Yes, I believe it is,” he lied and was instantly rewarded with the most relieved fanged smile he had ever witnessed. “Perhaps you should try it for Inuyasha,” he suggested hopefully, feeling no guilt at all for sending the girl off to harass his sickly brother. When she disentangled herself from him and leapt to run back inside to give a try at being the hanyou’s savior, Sesshoumaru decided that it was at least a relief to know she was easy to manipulate. Children are so simple-minded….

He closed his eyes at the sudden quiet, inhaling a deep breath from the cool, rain-soaked air, and encountered one of those rare times when sleep was becoming more of a necessity than a luxury. But that was going to be a while in coming. He had other things to take care of… His head turned as he caught a familiar scent headed in his direction, one that smelled very much like him.

Kanaye had been quite adept at removing the bodies of the deceased northern soldiers, but had wordlessly disappeared just after seeing to the grim process. Sesshoumaru had no idea in what manner they had been disposed, nor did he care. Kanaye was a professional in this sort of situation, and it had been left entirely to him. Sesshoumaru could not decide if he was more certain that his absence had meant he’d been off stirring up trouble somewhere, resting away from the group, or, perhaps, working to get over the damage done to his pride by being forced to aid in protecting Rin. Knowing him, it was likely a solid mixture of all three.

Kanaye appeared from the cover of the forest, looking calm and collected as always...and positively reeking of that human woman who had taken such a fascination to him. Sesshoumaru fixed a cool stare on the tall form that approached in the rain, appearing gray and ghostly.

Kanaye smiled disarmingly at Sesshoumaru as he called, “It has a nasty bite, doesn’t it? Ryuujin, that is. Hurts like hell and eats you inside out.”

Sesshoumaru didn’t comment and Kanaye crouched down across from him, completely ignoring the downpour that was falling in torrents around him. Sesshoumaru decided it was still odd to see him lurking about without all of the armor.

“You realize that Ryuujin wasn’t created by demon hands? It was made for the purpose of killing youkai and it does an admirable job.”

“Are you planning to make a point, Kanaye?” Sesshoumaru queried wearily.

“My point is that your grandfather died a slow, uncomfortable death. The same one your brother is working on at the moment. If your body doesn’t take care of that injury, you’ll follow them and it’ll take you even longer because you were healthy when it hit you.”

Sesshoumaru’s eyes locked on Kanaye’s intent face. “And what do you propose I do about it?”

“That weapon is merciless, but, you know, Sesshoumaru…,” Kanaye said carelessly, not directly answering his question, as though deigning to have to share his knowledge, “all of this misery is pointless. My father died because we could not find someone to help him. Ryuujin’s attack is jyaki-based, so it falls victim to the same spiritual powers to which we are all so embarrassingly susceptible.”

Sesshoumaru’s head came up at that as he caught on to what Kanaye was attempting to say. “And it is difficult to find someone with spiritual powers who is willing to help a demon, as they are normally human monks and---“

“Mikos,” Kanaye graciously supplied, eyes roving to the forest and the miko who was so desperately searching for something to help the one she loved. “You have your cure right under your nose, and didn’t even realize it.”

“Then that’s how you were saved?”

Kanaye smiled grimly. “It’s not so easy to say no to a sickly, ailing child, demon or not. My mother found a human monk that was stupid enough to heal me.”

“This is uncharacteristically kind of you, Kanaye,” Sesshoumaru stated coolly. “Relaying such timely information for no purpose other than to help someone else.”

“It’s actually quite selfish,” Kanaye admitted. “If the two of you drop dead, it falls to me. I’d prefer not to be cursed with that title. You are better suited for the responsibility. Besides,” Kanaye added slyly, “if I had wanted your position, I would have killed you ages ago.” He smiled at Sesshoumaru’s bland look of warning and added, “You’re the biggest badass I know, Sesshoumaru. Are you really going to let some skinny, loud-mouthed little miko help you? Somehow I doubt it.”

Sesshoumaru ignored the question and instead said, “I have something I need to take care of. Rin will be going with me. Will you remain here?”

Kanaye looked away toward the woods, as though distracted by something, and then finally moved out of the rain, seating himself next to Sesshoumaru. His eyes lost that mean humor and became solemn, focused. “Things have become worse. I am about to go retrieve Sashe.”

“So am I,” Sesshoumaru surprised him by admitting, “but I have something that needs to be done. We can leave tomorrow evening by way of the mountains.”

Kanaye regarded him silently for a moment before lightly nodding. “I can admit I would rather have you at my back than not.”

“Then accept the help that is offered.”

“You’re one to talk, brat.”

Sesshoumaru’s eyebrows rose. “One day you’ll stop calling me that.”

“That’s because one day you’ll stop being one,” Kanaye airily claimed, rising to his feet and frowning at the water that dripped off of him from nose to fingertips. “God dammit. It’s wet out here,” he complained, as though just noticing then, and walked inside.

---------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------

Sesshoumaru could see that Kagome was having difficulty believing Kanaye. They looked like they were having some kind of stand-off, her with hands on hips and a wary stare, as though judging the worth of Kanaye’s soul, and Kanaye, in turn, regarding her as though she was some sort of defiant insect that was daring to breathe the same air.

“You’re telling me that purifying a hanyou, will help him?” Kagome asked with incredulous suspicion; she would periodically check Rin’s face, as though searching for whether the girl believed what Kanaye was saying.

“Not purifying him, idiot child,” Kanaye barked back. “The wound. It will not heal; it is spreading because that is what it is intended to do. Jyaki needs to be purified. It’s not just going to magically dissipate with an apology and a bouquet of flowers.”

“Kanaye, stop being a jerk,” Rin complained.

“You speak too much,” he snapped with an irritable glance.

“Kanaye,” Sesshoumaru intoned with low warning, “if your history with them was different, then perhaps they would be more inclined to believe you. This miko is untrained. You assume that she would be capable of it at all.”

“Do it before I put him out of his misery,” Kanaye ordered seriously, making Sesshoumaru wonder if the elder demon was actually going to start a fight over the subject.

“How can you be certain…?” Kagome murmured.

"My brain functions, miko. Take advantage of that, as you seem incapable of forming a thought of your own," he sneered. "The weapon is jyaki-based, therefore the wound is also. I am surprised you cannot sense it. Perhaps, as Sesshoumaru suggested, you are not powerful enough. If you are too weak-willed to be of any real use, I have no problem with forcing a resolution one way or the other."

Sesshoumaru watched Kagome, whose chin was resting in her hand, her eyes blinking periodically as she stared vacantly in thought, face tense and uncertain, as though her mind was spending her options. When her head lifted it was to turn in his direction with a pained look. “Would you do it, Sesshoumaru?” she asked in a tone that begged honesty.

He was quiet for a moment before finally saying, “What Kanaye neglected to mention is that he was once healed in the same manner he is suggesting. Whether he is lying or not is anyone’s guess,” Sesshoumaru stated, eyes sweeping toward Kanaye’s cold face before falling back to Kagome. “But he is right in saying that the hanyou is dying. If you are uncertain of your abilities, you can send for your monk friend. However, the longer you wait, the more difficult it will be to repair the damage. It is your decision.”

He rose to his feet, the choking smoke scent invading his sense of smell, clinging to his clothing and hair. “Stay out of it, Kanaye,” he ordered as an afterthought, sensing that the youkai was moments away from opening his mouth again. Sesshoumaru turned to Rin. “I am leaving and I would like you to come with me.”

Rin appeared surprised, but nodded, still clothed in the rain-soaked kimono she had worn while searching unsuccessfully with Kagome in the woods. Her hair was clinging and wet, making her look impossibly young, but she was very serious as she said, “You were hit by Ryuujin, too. Why aren’t you affected?”

“He is. He’s just good at hiding it,” Kanaye pronounced. “Give him a few days and he won’t look nearly so smug.”

“He exaggerates,” Sesshoumaru said, cutting off Rin as her mouth opened to protest. “Go change. We’re leaving.”

-------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------

Toutousai could sense the oncoming storm of youki, but had only a brief instant to lift his hammer and ponder the possibility of fleeing for his life. The gray skies outside seemed to herald an approaching doom, but instead of taking those scant seconds to run, he bent over his creation and continued his meticulous work.

The storm manifested itself in the form of Sesshoumaru, who appeared wearing an expression that threatened a very near and painful future, but Toutousai kept to his studied calm as he glanced up briefly at his visitor and then returned to his work...only to quickly look up once more.

"What chewed on you?" Toutousai questioned, then blinked as Rin emerged from around Sesshoumaru, eyeing the dark, strange abode. “You’re a lot bigger than you used to be…” Toutousai murmured in confusion. “And you’re still keeping company with him? Poor girl.”

"Give them to me, old man," came Sesshoumaru’s hissed demand as he stalked forward, armorless and worn-looking.

Toutousai, sensing the seriousness in the youkai lord, carefully separated himself from the angry, roaming being by strategically placing a large table between them. His eyes quickly scanned the vicinity for anything sharp or blunt that could be construed as a weapon if the western lord chose to lose what small remnant of temper he normally maintained…and then realized the futility of it all when one deadly-clawed hand came to rest threateningly on the table. With the barest motion, the wood cracked, split, and splintered, caving into a pile at their feet.

"Ah, well, Sesshoumaru, you are in luck, it seems," Toutousai said quickly, in hopes of forestalling the demise he was seeing in those slitted golden eyes.

"You have finished them?" Sesshoumaru questioned suspiciously, as though not fully believing that Toutousai was giving up the stall. He stopped just across from the ancient swordmaker, towering over him like an executioner who was awaiting good reason to issue a pardon.

"I can finish one of them right now, if you like," Toutousai answered amiably. "Which one do you want?"

"Which...," Sesshoumaru gritted his teeth, relying on his restraint in order to save someone the chore of mopping the old man's remains from the floor. "I want them both. Finish them."

"I can finish one today...and the other I will complete by this evening and deliver it tomorrow. You have my word," Toutousai spoke calmly, sounding unconcerned. Suddenly, however, he lifted his head and sniffed the air. "Is that Tessaiga I smell?"

"I forced its use," Sesshoumaru answered stiffly. "Quit changing the subject."

"So...which one do you want? It’s not a difficult question. Are you here for Toukijin or Tenseiga?” Toutousai asked him carefully, again eyeing the young woman who was watching the scene with some concern. Eh…does he kill people in front of her often…? he wondered nervously.

“Toutousai.”

“Name your sword, Sesshoumaru!” Toutousai said with false cheer.

Toukijin, came the first thought, as Sesshoumaru stared into Toutousai's manically grinning face. I want Toukijin so that I will actually have something to use against Ryuujin. However.... "Tenseiga," came the answer that surprised even himself.

Toutousai's jaw nearly hit the floor at that, but he quickly recovered enough to crow, "So you finally appreciate her worth! Who died?"

"No one has died, but my idiot brother is trying his very best, and I will gladly prop him up and revive him six times a day if that is what it takes to ensure that he outlives Eizan."

"It sounds like you two are getting along better, at least,” Toutousai assumed with a shrug.

"Don't read into it what is not there. I will only ensure that Inuyasha survives this conflict. If he is dismembered by some rampaging youkai on his way home, then he will blessedly be out of my sight and good riddance to him."

Toutousai nodded understandingly at that and moved across the room to rummage through a pile of objects that were not viewable from Sesshoumaru's vantage point. “In any case, that was the right choice.”

“I am relieved that you approve," came Sesshoumaru's sarcastic response as Rin, sensing a lowering of hostilities, moved forward to stand next to him, watching the old man curiously.

“If you had chosen Toukijin, I would have given you neither. But the fact that Tessaiga allowed you to temporarily wield her tells me all I need to know. I think you’ll find that you’ll like this Tenseiga much better. I have no doubt you’ll be able to wield it properly in a battle now, but as for the healing aspect …" Toutousai shrugged his thin shoulders, then straightened carrying a sword-bearing sheath reverently in his gnarled old hands. “We’ll see how well your father really knew you…and how good a job she’s done at cleaning up your filthy soul.”

Sesshoumaru reached for the sword that was extended to him, noting that it looked nearly precisely the same, but felt newer, unused... “This isn’t the same sword.”

“No, it’s not,” Toutousai agreed, pulling a small wooden box down from a shelf. He lifted the squeaking lid, displaying a pile of shiny, metallic shards. “Your Father’s Tenseiga. It was beyond my help. Yours is more suitable to your particular…personality. I tossed Toukijin’s remains into the river, so if you want those back, you’re going to have to go for a swim.”

"It will be useable in a battle?" Sesshoumaru questioned, pulling the blade free from the sheath long enough to inspect it before replacing it with a smooth, practiced snap.

"There's only one way to find out," Toutousai answered cryptically. "And judging from the looks of you, it's not coming a moment too soon."

Sesshoumaru did not reply, instead attaching the sheath at his side before turning to leave. Rin moved to follow, but Toutousai quickly shoved the box of shards into her hands. “Keep those for him. One never knows when something will be useful.”

--------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------

Despite the years of animosity toward the original sword, Sesshoumaru found himself grateful for the weight of this one. He was experiencing a nearly irrepressible urge to use it. Not to heal. To damage. If Toutousai could read his mind, the old man would quite likely have attempted to snatch it back out of his hands...and would have suffered the loss of several fingers in the process.

While he had been inside the old man's home, threatening and listening to the tiresome condescension and rampant senility, the sky had finally started to clear some overhead; now a hesitant blue that looked as though it would lose once more to the storm clouds in the distance before evening was finished. It mirrored that steady ache in his chest, a body that was trying to reform an injury that was stubbornly staving off any sort of attempt. But it was not incapacitating. He could function with it for now, which was good, as he intended to be very busy for the next several days.

Rin was beside him, and he noticed that she had been unusually quiet ever since they had left his home earlier in the day. She looked tired, and with reason, which was why he was going to provide a carefree night for her; a momentary separation from all of the chaos. There had been a time when it had only been them…and, more often than not, the trailing toad, but that was an arrangement he sorely missed.

“Where are we going?” she asked quietly, lifting her head and pulling the hood back, as though just realizing that the rain had stopped. A wave of shiny dark hair fell around her shoulders, momentarily mesmerizing him as he listened to her. “We’re heading west.”

“Yes,” he replied, “We’re not returning home tonight.”

“But Inuyasha---“

“If Inuyasha has died in our absence, he will still be dead tomorrow. If I know my brother at all, his soul will cling to that sad body for weeks before they successfully drag him away.”

“Do you really think he…?” Rin began to ask in open alarm.

“No. I think the miko can cure him. If she could purify the Shikon no Tama in Naraku’s possession, she can surely help him.”

Rin shook her head cautiously at that. “Then all the more reason to go back home. She can help you.”

“I am not the one who is writhing about in a state of fever-induced hysteria, speaking to people that are not there, and shrieking rude language at them when they do not answer,” Sesshoumaru reminded her with evil humor. “In short, I do not need her.”

“Sesshoumaru…,” came the exasperatedly-sighed name.

His head lifted as he sensed the rush of youki, barely giving it thought before he glanced over to find Furu's massive form walking very steadily beside him, as though he had been there the entire time, an unexpected appearance that caused Rin to nearly leap out of her skin.

"Tracking you down is not an easy thing, my friend,” Furu complained. He leaned past Sesshoumaru and grinned wolfishly at Rin. “I remember you. You kept this mutt, huh?”

"And why are you searching for me?" Sesshoumaru queried with casual curiosity before Rin could be forced to reply.

"I went to your home when I heard what had happened," Furu grimly explained. "Sounded a little too much like old history for me to feel comfortable, but you came out of it better than your grandfather did. Kanaye politely pointed me in old Toutousai’s direction, and here you are." Furu paused and frowned. “By the way, did you know you have a miko running amuck at your place?”

“Yes, I know,” Sesshoumaru replied wryly.

"She’s nuts. She kept aiming arrows at me and then when she figured out I wasn’t one of Eizan’s cronies, she tried to feed me this weird magic shit. She just poured water into a bowl and there was food. I don’t trust that, most especially from a human miko.” He cocked his head so he could look over Sesshoumaru’s head to Rin. “No offense, miss.”

“None taken,” Rin lightly assured him, feeling more at ease since if Inuyasha had taken a turn for the worse, Furu would have been bringing darker news than the intimidation he had experienced from Kagome’s instant ramen.

“Have you made this arrangement honest yet?” Furu went on, vaguely gesturing at the two of them.

“Is it your business?” Sesshoumaru snapped.

“Human or not, she's probably a little too sweet for you, but you can use all the "nice" you can get if she's willing to stick with someone as thick-headed as you. His bark is worse than his bite, eh, miss?” Furu inquired, ignoring Sesshoumaru’s deadly glare.

“It depends on who he’s biting,” Rin answered with dry diplomacy, looking out over the lushly-treed valley so that Sesshoumaru would not see her amusement.

“If you’re worried about what reaction you’ll get out of the rest of us, I don’t give a damn and Isamu’s too lazy to care much. Eizan’s about to experience a spectacular death, so he certainly won’t be a problem. The west can crawl with hanyou for all I care, as long as they don’t infest my territory.” He leaned forward once more. “Again, no offense, young lady.”

“Furu, I am still trying to discern why you are here,” Sesshoumaru stated irritably. He watched as the youkai maneuvered hands nearly the size of his head, finally extending a crumpled note, one that Sesshoumaru unfolded to find Isamu’s barely legible scrawl staring back at him.

"'I'm going. Show up if you wish,'" Sesshoumaru read aloud, sounding displeased. "Cryptic bastard. I take that to mean he intends to involve himself?"

"Probably, but you never know with him. He doesn't bother to explain himself much. We’ve been keeping an eye on all this for a while. You’ve been really busy lately, having to kill Eizan off army by army.”

“It is the most efficient way when you lack a similar number.”

“Yes, true, but the fact is, you have numbers at your disposal and you refuse to make use of them. You've got an ungodly number of youkai running around the west. Put those lazy bastards to work. Why should you have to do it all?" Furu demanded. "And as for Isamu and I, your grandfather refused our help when it was offered and he died. We didn't extend help to your father, and he died as well. This time, it seems Isamu is just intending to show up, your wishes be damned."

As Sesshoumaru opened his mouth to complain, Furu interrupted him.

"Everyone has their limits, Sesshoumaru, and when you reach them, it's a good thing to have people behind you. No matter how powerful you are, you're stronger for the people that surround you. Strong allies can help you, weaker allies can motivate you, which lends its own strength. Your Father understood that better than anyone. Hell, I learned the concept from him." Furu grinned then. "You'd keel over before you'd ever ask for help, and since you're honestly threatening to carry through with that, we're not waiting for the request."

"You're becoming sentimental in your old age, Furu," Sesshoumaru replied. "Do what you like, but I will take care of Eizan. Anyone who tries to interfere with that will make me severely unhappy.”

Furu grinned again. "I'll let them know. I think fear of one of your pissy moods will hold them in place. You're a surly pup, that's undeniable."

"Die, Furu," Sesshoumaru invited.

"I'll work on that. See you in a few days. Good-bye, young lady," Furu replied amiably, before taking his leave.

----------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------

For a long while there was impenetrable blackness brought on by the forest they traveled through, but when they escaped the creeping overgrowth, there was a steep climb up a hill that was shadowy and ominous-looking in the dark; there was also something faintly familiar about this place. Rin reached for Sesshoumaru’s hand, twining her fingers with his and taking advantage of his better sight. She squinted into the dark night, taking heed when he would murmur for her to watch her step or be careful of a sudden change in terrain.

“This…looks familiar somehow,” she whispered, though she was not sure why. It just felt appropriate to keep her voice low, perhaps because of how softly he had been speaking, as though the quiet was something that would be irrevocably shattered by a wayward noise.

“It is the fort that Kanaye uses as his home when he is in Japan.”

She turned and looked at the shadowy outline of his face. “Should we be here?”

He made an amused sound as he said, “It belongs to me. I can be here if I like.”

She smiled at the simplistic ego of that. “May I ask why we’re here? The others will get worried…”

“’The others’ are loud and they grate on my nerves. I have had all I can take of them and I am separating myself from them for the sake of their continued health.”

Rin watched him, listened to the words that were laced with an uncharacteristic weariness. She remembered Inuyasha and his suffering, and wondered if Sesshoumaru wanted to be apart from them so that he would have a chance to regain his own health. However, there was a fear….

“Sesshoumaru-sama!” came a caterwauling call, and Rin looked up, trying to pierce through the dark to watch as Zeshu came scurrying up to them. The chubby, raccoon-ish youkai ran forward and greeted them, bowing low.

“Go away,” Sesshoumaru ordered in a greeting of his own.

Zeshu seemed taken aback by that, blinking his shiny black eyes. “Er...yes, my lord, however, Kanaye-sama---“

“---is at my home. Go find him there,” Sesshoumaru finished impatiently, walking right past the short retainer with Rin’s hand still clasped in his.

Rin looked over to watch Zeshu for a moment as he stared after them, likely not understanding why the two youkai had suddenly taken to trading residences, but he was clearly adept at following orders because he disappeared into the night.

She followed Sesshoumaru to the heavy gates, releasing his hand when he moved to push them open. They were immediately greeted by torchlight, which lit everything to sepia, but it made Rin feel as though she had been re-gifted with sight.

“Are you hungry?” he asked quietly, just realizing that she had been with him for the entire day and had not mentioned any hunger, likely because she never, ever complained. Normally he was one to think of such things so that she would not have to ask, but today had been long and tiring and…he had brought her to the home of a youkai who was not likely to be one that would keep much that could be considered edible.

“Not particularly,” she replied. “Things have been much too chaotic to even think about it, really.”

They walked inside the main house, which was excessively well lit. Either Zeshu was afraid of the dark or his eyesight was as poorly-suited for it as Rin’s. Sesshoumaru’s keen hearing easily picked up on the crackling of a fire and murmured, “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

He was gone before she could protest and her heart thumped with guilt over the fact that he was clearly not feeling well, yet was off looking for her dinner. She paced through the vacant house, remembering how to find her way to the room that housed the fire. Instantly a wave of heat swept over her and she shivered at how wonderful it felt, reaching up to release her hair so that it could fall free and, hopefully, dry.

She knelt on the shiny wooden floor, tucking her legs underneath her and holding her hands out as though to grasp the warmth it was giving off. She felt like she hadn’t been dry in ages, from the rainy battle the night before to the damp trek across the countryside today. A slow ache worked its way into her shoulders and back and she began to appreciate how truly exhausted she was. Her skin felt cold and clammy. Her clothes hung on her like a heavy, sodden blanket, and she suddenly wished he had not bothered with the hunt for something to eat…

But he returned nearly as soon as the thought was finished, handing over some unfortunate, skewered animal that looked like it had been a rabbit only moments before. She thanked him and placed it over the fire, stomach turning at the idea of eating at all. He left briefly to wash his hands and then returned, and Rin watched him in the firelight, noting that he was moving more slowly and the skin around his eyes was darkening, making him look tired and ill. Again, her thoughts went back to Inuyasha, and she felt a growing dismay.

She came to a decision and reached over to pull the smoking meat back out of the fire, laying it to the side, before getting to her feet.

“Where are you going?” he questioned with a frown.

“I’ll be right back,” she promised. She felt his eyes linger on her as she left him, following the carefully swept floors, noticing how much neater and cleaner the house was since the first time she had seen it. Zeshu must have been hard at work rendering it livable again, and so she repeatedly pushed open doors until she found one with a cleanly-made bed. There was nothing else in the room, so she hoped she wasn’t disturbing where Kanaye normally slept. Even so, she silently apologized to the absent youkai as she stripped the coverings from the bed and folded them in her arms.

When she returned, rain was continuously pounding on the roof, but the depressingly damp outside was shielded from view by the screen doors. Sesshoumaru was seated apart from the fire, half-concealed by shadows, and she instantly decided that she would not allow him to get away with that brooding separation. She deposited the blankets beside her and placed the rabbit back on the fire. The sizzling smell of cooking meat instantly filled the air again.

Hesitant, she cast a shy look at Sesshoumaru before she began to peel off the weighted layers of soaked clothing, placing them neatly in front of the fire to dry.

His head came up at this and he watched her with unabashed reverence, caught by every graceful movement. The firelight was streaking her hair with auburn highlights and casting a bronze glow on her already sun-browned skin. She knelt in front of the fire, crossing her arms modestly around herself before wrapping one of the light blankets around her form. She then turned and gave him a sweet, unintentionally seductive look which instantly created a surge of energy that made sleep seem suddenly irrelevant.

“I think you’ll feel better if you join me,” she suggested quietly, looking sympathetic.

“Without question,” he wryly replied, eyebrows rising. Painfully, preciously innocent… He felt certain that his soul had just been damned a thousand times over for his thoughts.

“It’s warmer over here,” she told him.

It took him a few moments of stunned mesmerization to follow her lead, leaving his clothes to dry, and moving toward this woman like some stupid beast.

She really was very naive. Her intent had been to lure him into resting comfortably, but she had just worsened that ache, the one that was completely separate from the injury inflicted by Ryuujin. He allowed her to throw the covering around his shoulders. Completely unnecessary, but there were rewards. He extended an arm around her, and she moved in closer, his hand falling to rest on one bare hip.

There was immediate contentment…instant, as though everything, every pain and worry seeped away, melted by this perfect warmth. This was the feeling he wanted, propriety be damned. He exhaled a breath and closed his eyes, turning his head so that he could inhale her scent, the feathery softness of her hair draped across his skin. Her fingers trailed lightly near that damnable injury and he opened his eyes to see worry in her face.

“Let her help you.”

“She can worry about my brother. It looks worse than it is.

“You are so stubborn,” she whispered, dark eyes glittering back at him. “So prideful.”

“I am too old to change,” he said with unapologetic humor, fingers trailing gently across her skin. Sleep was suddenly very far from his mind; he could not remember ever having been as singularly fascinated by a female form as he was with this one. Perhaps because he should not be with her at all. Or maybe it was because she was built nothing at all like a typical youkai woman, who were normally taller and long-limbed and excessively muscular, while this human woman…perfectly formed in her own right, was more delicately-built and softer-looking, making him want to touch and linger.

Perfection, he thought, grasping a loose handful of her hair, allowing it to trail through his fingers, and found in a human woman. Who could have guessed? And why could he never express such thoughts as these? Certainly she would be pleased to hear them…

“Rin…”

“Hmm…?&# 8221;

And he could hear a matching contentment in that lazy sound, but the words caught in his throat. It was that stubborn, prideful youkai rearing again, just as she had accused him. He was not one to express gratitude or appreciation. Physical affection was something he had learned from her. And it was a constant struggle, forcing it out of himself. It was in fact like there was some other creature inside him, wanting to come out, something that was fiercely chained and reserved, and with good reason, because it wanted much more than to express his feelings in words.

“What is it?” she inquired again when he did not respond, pulling him out of his disjointed thoughts.

“I was wrong to think that it could stay unchanged,” he said simply, the words coming out on their own, and she blinked at that, unaccustomed to hearing him admit an error of any kind.

She lifted her head from his shoulder and smiled at him, and that thing inside him lurched again. That smile won’t be here forever…that face will be gone one day, and soon... Which is the greater sin?

“I think…,” she began hesitantly, then seemed to change what she intended to say, “I think that you are more likely to regret going against your principles, than not. Dignity and respect are very important to you.”

“Ah, more misunderstanding,” he replied with quiet mischief. “If you could see what is in my head right now, you would not be so quick to name me as ‘dignified’.”

She laughed at that and leaned forward to brush a kiss against the skin of his neck, just below the jaw-line, and then that other part of himself began to thump inside his skull; the less civilized Sesshoumaru that always woke those nerve-endings, the ones that craved things that made him half-wish she would move away from him.

“Principles change with perspective,” he murmured almost to himself, that one grazing hand moving down to a perfectly-formed knee, brushing across the skin as though he had never seen anything like it before. “And I have gone as far as I can with mine.” His head came up from studying her leg and he gave her a warm golden stare. “I will have to rely on yours.”

Something in her heard that statement for the question that it was, and she turned around so that she could face him fully, draping arms that were now warm and dry around his well-muscled shoulders. He deepened the embrace by pulling her in until they were adhered together, firelight playing off of them in a golden frenzy. He pulled her leg so that it was draped over his and caught her against his chest, feeling her heart thudding ecstatically against his skin.

“Are you asking for permission?” she said lightly, kissing him on the cheek with a feather-light touch of lips.

“I try to be civilized,” he replied in a low growl, feeling his concentration wander along with her hands. “However, you are not helping me…”

“I think I might be, actually.”

Ah, not quite as innocent as I thought, his mind hummed absently. The discomfort from Ryuujin’s infliction was completely shoved aside as her hands explored his skin, all sign of shyness gone from her now. That primal youkai instinct thumped into his head with every pulse beat, but her gentle caresses made him want to reciprocate, and so, somehow, it was easier this time to keep the demon at bay…

His hand drifted down her back, reveling in the contact of velvety skin against fingers that were so adept at inflicting death. And yet, here with her, they were expressing deeper, private, hidden feelings; emotions he allotted only for her. He brought their lips together, playfully at first, but then with an increasing intensity, as though he wanted to relay to her what his voice could not. But that was also one of the things that was so precious about this woman…her heart was so intuitive that it understood things without having to hear them.

Her fingers stroked through his hair and, again, he wondered how he could ever have been expected to ignore it forever, to look for it elsewhere. It would be the height of stupidity to search for something one already has. He had made so many promises and declarations, to himself, and to her, and to others….

He had said things that could never be taken back, and left things unsaid that needed to be known. His easily-summoned arrogance and self-righteousness had caused damage to someone else, someone whose thoughts of him had meant more than he would ever have admitted aloud. He was willfully surrendering to his own hypocrisy, when he had cursed and hated another for precisely the same act, the same weakness….

Father, forgive me…

And then all thoughts that did not center on her were cleared from his mind. He lowered her beneath him, the nearness of the fire licking pleasantly at his skin. His head was filled with her comforting scent, the sighed endearments, and that face…gods, that face….precious and beautiful and capable of expressing more heartfelt emotion than he would ever be able to return in a lifetime of words.

He clasped her fingers in his, the raging storm outside so distant as to barely be noticeable. Everything that mattered was breathless, unregretful; an agonizingly wonderful tension, months and months upon years of morphed feelings expelled into one act.

And as he clutched her to him like the drowning man that he was, he understood that the greater sin would have been to deny her anything.