InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ What Are You? ❯ Chapter Twenty-Two: Jaken Makes a Discovery ( Chapter 22 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter Twenty-Two

Jaken Makes a Discovery

Aun was getting protective of me. If there was any kind of threat, they jumped to it, whereas before they would have let me handle it. It was because they knew. Not that they would say anything. But they knew. There was no other reason for this. They had to know. I wasn't being paranoid; they knew. It was quite obvious.

I cursed my own weak will. The hidden vial of poison seemed to grow heavier. More accurately, I became more aware of it. I could end my pain now, but for some reason… I just couldn't.

This was me. If I killed this child… I would be killing a part of me. I would be killing something that only I could create. I just didn't like that idea. I didn't want to kill something that was so dependent on me… so trusting that I wouldn't… Living only by my grace alone… Every minute that this thing inside of me lived… It was all because of me.

Besides, what would be the harm? So Rin and Jaken would find out. I could go to my palace, stay locked up in there for a while, keeping only those who knew inside, have the child, and turn myself into a man using the Shikon no Tama. And my explanation to the child? The mother died. It wasn't too far from the truth anyway.

I could be both mother and father to this child.

I really could do that… Besides, what should I care if a few more find out? I was just going to become a man anyway. These two wouldn't say anything either, and I would be a man in a year's time. A dog's normal gestation period was that of a human's, as chance and irony would have it.

I liked this idea. Have the child, become a man afterwards. It sounded good. In fact, I was almost ready to devote myself entirely to it.

Key word there being “almost.”

Okay, the decision was made. I was keeping it. I felt oddly warmed by that decision, as if the life currently being supported by mine was happy that I had decided not to end its seemingly insignificant existence.

But I was not going to say a word. When Jaken found out, he would find out on his own, and the same went for Rin, I suppose. It was entirely within my character to not tell them.

Besides, it wasn't like I had ever lied to either of them. They had merely assumed I was male, and I had never said anything regarding it. So, rather than making me look like a deceiver, I could turn this around and just make them look stupid and uninformed.

I wondered how long this would take. It could prove to be amusing.

*****

Jaken had been staring at me oddly for the past two days. He was catching on. For some reason, this pleased me, and I waited patiently for when he would finally say something. However, he had wisely kept his mouth shut all this time.

“Jaken,” I said.

“Yes, my lord?” he asked.

“You are staring at me again,” I reminded him.

He abruptly turned around, staring straight ahead of him. “I'm very sorry, Sesshomaru-sama! Please forgive me! I will never do it again—“

“Why have you been staring at me over the past two days?” I asked, knowing the answer perfectly well. All the same, I was curious to know what lie he would make up, or what lie his brain might concoct for himself. The thing about the mind was that it played tricks even on itself. He would convince himself of something other than the truth so he didn't have to confront the truth.

“Oh, er… It was just that… Um…” He was getting nervous—very nervous, and frightened for his life. After all, he was probably too terrified to say the real reason, and he had to know that I was too intelligent to believe a lie. “It was just that you smell kind of strange—that's all.”

“Strange?” I said. “However do you mean?” I allowed my tone to convey that I knew the answer. I glanced out at the field, where Rin was attempting to pick every flower in sight.

“It was just that… Sesshomaru-sama… Are you… Have you… Is there…” he stammered. I raised an eyebrow. Just say it, damn it. “Is there a woman that…?” Ah, the most obvious answer. Yes, it was completely possible that a woman's scent would linger on me. That wasn't the case, though. I said nothing. I waited for Jaken to say it himself, but I was a bit disappointed. “Lord Sesshomaru, did you impregnate a girl during the mating season?” he finally said.

I wanted to hurt him, but I refrained. “In a manner of speaking.”

He appeared confused for a moment, then brushed off my vague reply as an affirmative. “Really? That's wonderful! Who is it?”

Now I really wanted to hit him. “Hm.”

He sagged visibly. “He's not going to tell me,” he whined to himself. Maybe in another week or so, he would figure it out.

Two weeks passed, and I could tell that his suspicion was growing. Rin was blissfully ignorant, still, but she knew that something was wrong with me, considering how often I wanted to sleep and that I grew sick often, though I didn't get as sick as before with the medicine.

I was slowly working my way back to my palace. I didn't feel up to flying, and besides, the time of the year was pleasant, and I knew that I would be cooped up inside during my pregnancy anyway, so I might as well enjoy it while I could.

Finally, I knew that Jaken knew. Recognition was in his dull yellow eyes, though he didn't really want to believe it.

He was staring at me again, trying to decide if it were really true. “Lord Sesshoamru…” he finally asked. I raised an eyebrow. “Are you…” He looked around for Rin. She had ran off to forage. “Are you… really female?”

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. “I thought you would have learned that a long time ago.”

“But…” he said. “You dress like a man, your voice sounds like a man, and you told me to address you as being a `lord,' so—“ He found himself lying on the ground, a lump growing on his head. He sat up slowly, point taken. “Oh, I see. You don't want anyone to know… In that case… My lord?” He looked at me for confirmation. I nodded that the term was still correct. “My lord… Where are we going?”

“My palace.”

He blinked. “But, my lord…” I didn't like the pause after he said that. “What about the child?”

“I am not going to kill it, if that is what you mean.”

“But, Sesshomaru-sama, you mustn't let others know…”

I knew that. But, then again, Jaken had a tendency to state the obvious, and I had been planning on this anyway. “I am going to dismiss all but the most necessary of the servants and stay at the palace until the child is born.”

“But…”
I removed the Shikon no Tama from its hidden place in my kimono, holding it between two fingers. “This will grant any wish asked of it.” I did not explain further, nor did I need to. Even Jaken, daft as he is, understood my meaning. That was a relief at any rate. The less explaining I had to do, the better.

Now it was just Rin that was left.