InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ What Are You? ❯ Chapter 22 Alternate ( Chapter 29 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Author's Note: The chapters before this one are: Original Chapter Nineteen: Denial, Original Chapter Twenty: Choices, and Original Chapter Twenty-One: Spider and Moon. (Trying to keep as close to the original storyline as I can, and I discovered that some of these chapters were still useable.)

Alternate Chapter Twenty-Two

When I came back to the place I had left Rin and Jaken, they had made a fire and were roasting fish. At least Rin was fairly self-sufficient, so long as she had someone nearby to make sure she didn't get hurt.

I looked at the river, washing the gently flowing water grow swifter as it came downstream. I could hear the rapids, and the water crashing against the rocks.

Rin was looking at me, scrutinizing me. She knew there was something about me that had changed, but she could not think of what it was. She would figure it out soon enough, though. “Sesshomaru-sama! Your arm—you have two!” she cried.

Jaken spun to look at me, horrified that the girl had discovered this before he had. “What!? But, Sesshomaru-sama, how did it grow back so quickly?”

“Grow back?” Rin wondered.

“Stupid girl. Demons grow back things like that. We're not like humans!” he said, a bit too harshly. He looked back at me. “But, Sesshomaru-sama, how could this be?”

“Why does it matter?” I said. I lifted my left arm a little bit, looking at my hand. It had been a long time. It would have been even longer, if not for Naraku. He really did deserve to know that I was pregnant. For some reason, I really didn't want to tell him though.

I thought of the little vial of poison. No, I hadn't swallowed it. I couldn't bring myself to do it, as stupid as that sounded.

Maybe I should consult him. He was the father, after all. But did it really matter who the father was? Hm. Well, he did have a right to know if he had some child running around. Damn. I would have to hold off becoming a guy for a while, but I could do it. I had put up with it for almost seven hundred years. I could tolerate one more year.

Just one more. Then I would have what I had always wanted. Once I had that, I would have everything—I more or less had Tessuiga and I would be male. Everything would be perfect then. I hoped, anyway.

Aw, why tell Naraku? He could figure it out himself. He seemed to like trying to find me. He would probably come around some time and my scent alone should be a big enough clue.

If he would come.

He would… Wouldn't he?

Why was I so worried that he wouldn't? It was silly. It didn't matter if he came and found me or not. In fact, why the hell was I making it a big deal? If he came to find me, did it make a difference?

Why did I feel like it did? It was ridiculous. Of course it didn't matter if he came back… back to me. Forced me to embrace the reality that… The truth that I was trying to avoid.

I could compare this to running through a maze-like trap. No matter how much I tried to avoid this trap, I just kept going to dead ends and had to go back and face it. But I refused to, so I continued to run through the labyrinth, trying to escape from something unavoidable.

I was stubborn.

Besides, I had more pressing matters. Like what I what I was going to do when Jaken and Rin found out. Of course, it was inevitable if I wasn't going to kill it. So it was a reality I would have to face within the next few weeks.

For that matter, what was I going to do while I was pregnant? All my power would go to protecting the child, and I would be weak and vulnerable. I needed a safe place.

I thought of Naraku.

I shoved that particular thought to the back of my mind and buried it. No fucking way. I wasn't going to ask him to protect me because I would be pathetically weak during pregnancy. It was the male's job to do that though. The female bore the child and the male, in turn, protected her.

The reason bearing children was so dangerous for demons was that weakness. Hence, the reason youkai bear very few children; it was too dangerous. Other demons sought to use that weakness against them. Basically, I would end up dead before my fifth month if I didn't find a safe place soon.

Not to mention that birth itself was dangerous. I sighed softly. I couldn't do this alone. I would be endangering myself and the child if I tried to.

My stubborn, self-sufficient nature protested this, but what choice did I really have? I didn't want to die, particularly in a such undignified manner.

I mean, I had always known that I would never see old age (the idea was horrifying anyway), so something would probably get me one day. But I had always pictured going down bringing my slayer with me (and a few others as well). I did not want to be merely picked off. I wasn't some pathetic youkai, damn it.

But, where could I go? No place came immediately to mind.

I thought of Naraku again.

I sighed again and began to wander away from them. Jaken started to follow me, but I stopped him with a glare. “I'm not going far.” Then I continued on. I wanted to look around the area, and I wanted to walk as I thought.

If I came to Naraku, told him what was going on… He would probably love to protect me. Bragging rights, I suppose. I don't know. But I knew that he wouldn't turn me down. But I really didn't want to ask anyone for help.

Particularly him.

What could he do, anyway? He was a half-demon, strong as he could be… But I had still killed him. So what good could he do me?

Well, most youkai were afraid of him. He really could protect me. But—damn it all! Was he really the only one I could possibly turn to?

Fuck that.

I would…

I really had no idea. I suppose I could return to the palace—get everyone but the three there that knew anyway and stay put for a while. That may be difficult for me, but it was for my own good.

It may still be dangerous, but I suppose it was safer than wandering around the countryside.

Still, I wasn't so certain about keeping the baby. It really seemed to be far more trouble than it was.

I felt myself growing more and more lost in the endless labyrinth of my own mind.

*****

Author's Note: Following chapter is Original Chapter 22: Jaken Makes a Discovery.