InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ What I've Done ❯ Still Alone ( Chapter 1 )

What I've Done

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or it's characters, they belong to Rumiko Takahashi…Don't sue me please!

 

A/n: This is long and angsty, and also happens to be my first lemon (well first lemon I've posted). Be gentle with me please!

 

Still Alone

 

For as long as I've traveled with him, you'd think I would have gotten used to it by now. After all, it was sort of ritual… a ritual that was actually starting to become fewer and farther in-between, but for some reason that made it hurt all the more when it happened. He had promised me that he wouldn't leave my side, and I straight up told him he was a liar… I knew he would. His honor, his pride, his love would always draw him to her. You know… I've never held him to that promise—never hated him for not keeping it.

 

For years I used to simply get jealous and angry… I would sit him, I would run away—I was childish. But this journey of ours, it's going on four years now. I'm no longer a young fifteen years old, not a child any longer. I'm nineteen now, and I can no longer punish him the way I used to over feelings he cannot help but feel. He loves her, and just as I love him and cannot not bear to leave his side, he could never permanently leave hers either.

 

I hate to think that I still might be punishing him, by staying by his side. He never asked me… he simply allowed me to. In truth, at this point with Naraku gone and jewel whole—but still not purified—I should really leave the jewel in her hands, and step aside finally. I know what his wish will be eventually, when he's finally free to make it. To wish her back into life, so that they may be together once again… she no longer seems bothered by the fact that he is hanyou. She finally accepts him as he is… they will be together when that finally happens.

 

Despite the pain that lives and breathes in my heart at this thought, I want him happy… I want him to feel loved and cherished—even if it is not by my own heart. I love him enough to let him go… maybe they won't use the jewel to wish her into life again. Maybe he will fulfill his promise to join her in hell, and she will once again take the jewel with her to a place where no one can use and abuse it. But either way, on my nineteenth birthday I really realized, that I don't belong here anymore.

 

I had come through the well, intending to see Inuyasha. I know he remembers that this is the anniversary of the day we met. We often spent the day together away from the others after I had a few hours with my family. Mama always understood I found it important to give Inuyasha my time on this day; in fact she encouraged me to spend the day with him more often than not. Gramps was not pleased with it, and Souta was always happy as usual when it came to anything having to do with Inuyasha.

 

We had made plans to travel a little ways north and spend the day near a hot spring. I would bring his favorite foods, which of course including ramen and pickled radishes. But as I pulled myself out of the well I knew something was very wrong this time. Miroku and Sango both stood beside the well, the look on their faces told me the same thing it always did. The soul collectors had appeared and like the loyal friend and lover he was… Inuyasha had gone to see Kikyou.

 

At first I felt the familiar sting of jealousy and anger. Today was our day… and he had run off to be with her again. But it didn't last long… I was being selfish again, letting myself believe that I meant something to him, when I knew he didn't have the room for me in his heart. I was happy with his friendship… I really was, but it had been months since Kikyou had last called for him. He probably felt so torn up after not seeing her for so long, his heart couldn't help but want to see her. I understood.

 

I waited for him at Goshinboku—waiting for hours all the while thinking of Inuyasha and Kikyou… and me once again. He always came to this sacred tree after he saw her. The place where they had parted and where we had met, and he did. It had to be well after midnight, the full moon hanging overhead when he suddenly landed in front of me. I wasn't crying, but I did feel a little numb and cold. My decision was a harsh one on my heart, but I loved him enough to tell him the truth.

 

“ I love you Inuyasha. I love all of you. Sometimes I dream of you… of what I wish I could have with you.” Those were the first words out of my mouth. I shocked him, I know I did… though I hadn't done it in over a year, I'm still rather sure he was waiting for the day I would snap after he went to see her… I would snap and tell him to sit. Yell at him and make my way home… especially today. I know he didn't forget about today.

 

“ I want you happy. I've never forced you to choose, and I never will. I will stand by you for as long as you let me.” I suppose with Naraku gone I really should have removed the beads around his neck. It had nothing to do with the fact that I didn't trust him. Despite Kikyou being the one who made the beads, they were my only link to him. I'm sure he saw them as what they originally wore… a gift Kikyou had originally intended to give him. I didn't even use the sit command anymore…

 

“ If you choose to go with Kikyou, I will not try to stop you. Whether it be to stay with her forever, or follow her into hell.” He still hadn't said anything. Now that I think back on it, he never did. He never even uttered a sound… not a whimper, whine, or grunted `Keh'. I see it for what it meant now… I had not just shocked him; I had just followed through to make the worst mistake of my life. The one regret I would ever have until the day I died…

 

“ But if you choose me… I will remain by your side forever. I would be your mate. You still do have a choice…” I just wanted him to know I was still there, if his heart should ever shift. I may not be a child anymore, but I was foolish as always. I couldn't see his eyes anymore; his head dropped enough to hide his eyes behind his bangs. There was nothing but silence for the longest time, before he jumped into the tree without a word. I went home for that night… and while I tried so hard not to, I could not help but cry. Yes what a fool I am…

 

That was over a week ago. Whatever friendship Inuyasha and I had formed in the past four years suddenly deteriorated into nothingness… It started out small at first; so small I didn't notice it at first. A mere grunt in response to a question I might have asked. Another day and he insisted I walk with everyone else. Two days ago it hit rock bottom… I have not spoken to him at all. He ignores me, avoids me, and no longer lets me walk beside him. Yes… instead of insuring him I was there for him… I drove him away. And I will regret opening my big mouth for the rest of my life.

 

He won't even look at me. When he does… I see… anger and pain. Something I put there, and it threatens to rip out my heart every rare chance I see it. The others noticed my melancholy mood, but I refused to speak to them about it. I did insist however they leave Inuyasha alone. I told them it was not his fault, but merely something I had done and more than likely deserved. I thought I knew him well enough to think that my words would make him happy. Perhaps in the end… I really knew nothing about him at all. That thought pained me as well.

 

He was right… I was a stupid bitch. I thought I acted for him, but now that I look back on it I can see it for what he probably saw it as. I was acting for myself—hoping that maybe… This past week I have forced myself to stay by his side, but the longer I stay the more I seem to put him in pain. And so it was my choice to do what I should have done as soon as the jewel was complete. In hopes to remove his pain, I reached deep down into my soul and called for her.

 

Now I wasn't sure if that would work, after all our soul was the same, but I wasn't sure if we were connected. But tonight I got my answer. The soul collectors passed straight past a sleeping hanyou and circled and prodded me from above. She came… I was a little surprised. Standing, I took one last glance at the man, the demon I was so deeply in love with before I followed them into the forest. I could not prolong this any longer.

 

Kikyou stood in a clear grove, the light of the waning moon shining down on her as the soul collectors circled about her. No wonder Inuyasha loved her… she looked so beautiful and pure. And she was now, with her death avenged, Kikyou was regaining her former self… the self that Inuyasha loved so dearly. She turned to face me, and though her face did not show it, her eyes showed pure confusion. I had never attempted to be the one to come to her before.

 

“ What is it that you need of me Kagome?” Heh, that was a first. She almost always insisted on calling me her copy or reincarnation. She really was changing. I approached her slowly, until I stood only a few feet away from her. I reached into the top of my shirt and pulled out the jewel that caused everyone so much pain. In the back of my mind, a little guilty voice nagged me. It had been partly my fault Naraku had caused so much pain. I shattered it…

 

“ I… do not have the power to purify the jewel. I find your words were correct Lady Kikyou. I do not belong here…” I respond to her formally. She deserved my respect, and she had it. Despite our past and our differences, she deserved to be understood as well. In my own little way I could see now why Inuyasha could never bring himself to `abandon' her. She regards me curiously now, before turning her gaze to the jewel.

 

“ Do me one favor though… if you will.” I have no right to ask anything of her, but she reaches out and slowly takes the jewel from me, giving me a single nod to my request, before she even knew what she was saying yes to. Perhaps I had a little respect from her as well. We are more alike now than we have ever been.

 

“ Love him enough… for both of us. Don't break his heart.” It takes all of my energy to force my voice not to crack. I wanted to be with him, even if in my way it was through her. I had no intentions of taking my life… no despite how much he may be pissed at me right now, it would only further hurt and anger him if I did such a silly thing. She seems surprised, as though she knew something I didn't. Then again if I think like that, of course she does.

 

I turn away from her. I refuse to run as I lift my head and walk from the clearing. The pain in my chest is so physical, I can feel it across every single inch of me… inside and out. But I still refuse to run… there is nothing to run from. I place my faith in her, that she will love him now, as she should have fifty-four years ago. The soul collectors gather around me, brushing up against me as if they can feel my pain as well. I once found them disgusting, but just like all things I had grown into… I came to appreciate them as well.

 

I allow myself one more selfish act. I cannot say good-bye to my dearest friends, my family. Silently I cross the campsite, to my bag as I pull out a notebook and a pen. That afternoon a youkai had attacked us, drained us of our strength, even against Inuyasha. It was a hard battle, and I had no doubt even Inuyasha was deep in sleep. I scribbled my good-bye and apologies that I could not say good-bye in person. I knew if I let them, they would talk me into staying… well at least Sango, Shippo, and Miroku would.

 

I noticed Kirara was awake and sitting next to me, staring up at me sadly. She knew what I was doing, and I let a few tears that had been burning my eyes for the past hour finally fall. I lifted her and hugged her tightly to my chest, whispering to her to take care of everyone for me, and that if she was alive in five hundred years, to come seek me out if she needed me. Stroking the fire neko a few times I stood, grabbing my backpack.

 

I glanced at Sango and Miroku, the two were still not married, but now they often slept right next to each other. After the wind tunnel had been removed, he had not grabbed another female… though he still flirted on occasion. At least his hand was loyal to Sango's bottom in the end though. I also look to my adopted son… Shippo sure had grown in the short time after Naraku's defeat. Both physically and emotionally, he and Inuyasha still fought often, but they were much closer now. He would be just fine with Inuyasha.

 

That was the one thing I couldn't do right now. I couldn't get my gaze to shift up into the tree for one last look. His painfully haunted eyes were swarming my mind right now. I couldn't help but wonder, despite his mood towards me… would this hurt or relieve him? No doubt Kikyou would call to him soon to talk with him… ask for his protection until it came time to deal with the Shikon no Tama. I take a deep breath, and take my first steps from campsite.

 

I knew we were close to the village before, if I walked the rest of the night I would probably be there by morning. I held my head high, trying to muster courage I know I did not have. My heart was breaking painful with each step. The thoughts that ran through my head were simple and yet harsh. I would never see my love again. I would never love anyone like I did him. Perhaps I should never date anyone… I could not bear to put someone through this.

 

And by this I mean the same thing I went through with Inuyasha. Granted it was my choice, it always was. But I knew, just like he had with Kikyou, if he were to ever call for me—I would go. I would leave everyone else behind to just be there for him. But I also knew he was not coming for me this time. I really should have removed the rosary first though… maybe Kikyou will have a way to break the spell. After all… the same soul.

 

I was right, the sun was just starting to peak over mountains as I spotted Goshinboku not too far ahead of me, much of it already covered in the golden glow of the sun. Regret started to fill me again. Could I really do this? Just walk away from him for the sake of him? Of course, but maybe again I was just being stupid… I felt fifteen all over again. Mama was right; thoughts really do clear when you stand beneath such a beautiful and pure tree.

 

But my resolve I found stayed the same. Inuyasha's life was hard and long, and after all the torture and turmoil, he needed to be happy. I felt the long drawn sigh escape me. The numb feeling was starting to emerge again, and I couldn't decide if I preferred it that way or not. Pain let me know I was alive and feeling it all, but let's face it… pain was something I was never good at handling. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, letting my head tilt back towards the branches of my favorite tree. I was calm for at least one last time…

 

“ You know out of all the fucking stupid things you could do, this ranks number one.” I let out a scream the could have probably been heard all the way back at camp. The bloody jerk followed me!? Didn't he realize just how hard this was in the first place!? The sudden urge to weep filled my being, in the hole where my love for him used to be. The pain was back, but twice as bad this time. I didn't want to say good-bye, I wasn't sure I even could. So I stood stalk still, refusing to turn around and face my very own decision. So I really am still just a child.

 

I heard his growl of displeasure. He wanted me to face him, but my body remained frozen and unresponsive. Moments later I felt his presence closer, my back was close enough to his chest to feel his body heat, but not close enough to touch me. Gods I wanted him to touch me. A week without a single touch from him was killing me. His left hand was suddenly inches from my face, dangling the very jewel I had given to Kikyou hours before. I flinched harshly and bit back a whimper. Shit…

 

“ You didn't think I wouldn't notice you leaving camp did you? I was tired, not blindly stupid. I heard everything.” It was getting harder to repress the urge to sob and run from him. I was always good at running from him, but this was last time we had together, I had to face him… even if physically I couldn't do it. I lifted my hand to take the jewel from him, but he whipped it away from me, and suddenly I got the feeling he no longer trusted me at all…

 

“ I'm sorry Inuyasha, I'm so sorry.” I felt me knees shake slightly, and it was then I realized how hard it was becoming to hold up my own weight. I couldn't run now if my life depended on it. Taking such a deep breath my lungs screamed at me for it, I finally turned to face him. Once again I couldn't see his eyes, hidden in the shadows of his bangs. If he had heard everything, he was probably wondering why I hadn't set him free.

 

Reaching up slowly, as if I was afraid he'd rake his claws through me for moving quickly, my only real fear was he'd smell just how badly I wanted him. After everything… the week without touching him made it damn near impossible to hold control of my body's physical influence because of him. Standing so close, all my body wanted to do was touch him, kiss him, and love him. It didn't get the hint that this was over. My fingers wrapped around the beads at his neck and I felt my connection to him slip as I started to lift it. Gods why did I have love him so much!?

 

Truthfully I'm not sure what happened, I just know it happened fast. I nearly had the rosary over his head before he let out such a growl that it reminded me of his full youkai form. Seconds later I found myself mashed up against the Goshinboku, his hands on each side of my head, his body pressed firmly to mine with one of his legs between mine. It was bliss and torture at the same time. If I wasn't careful my arousal would grow to the point I knew he'd be able to smell it. Damnit…

 

“ Why are you doing this?” His voice sounded thick and full of pain. His buried his face into the side of my neck, while my hands flexed, caught between us. I let myself sag against him a little as I finally gave in and let out a sob. I focused on my pain, to help avoid my body's reaction to him… to suddenly touch him again. I had to repeat he didn't want me, and would never want me… would never love me. It caused the sob to come out harsher than I originally intended.

 

“ Because I love you. I can't make you happy, and now I've hurt you. That's not making you happy.” I wailed into his shoulder, clutching the fabric of his haori in my hands in hopes it would help me steady myself. After all, I could do anything when Inuyasha stood next to me… but even now he wasn't. He was still so very far away from me. If I let this continue it was going to eat me alive until I was nothing.

 

“ You fucking stupid wench. I hurt you! I should have waited, I should have never gone off to her on… on that day.” He thought he hurt me? I could have laughed if I was so busy crying.

 

“ You love her, I understand that! It… it didn't hurt me, really. I would never ask you not to see her over me.” At least I didn't wail this time when I spoke. The sobs were still there, but already I forcing them down. I would not do this to him, to myself.

 

“ You lied to me. You said you'd stay by my side until I left.” I flinched. I promised him I would and yes I broke that promise. But then again…

” But you did. Do you realize this is the first time you've touched me since…” I couldn't stand his emotional withdrawal from me, but I finally understood why I was really leaving. Maybe I had lied to him, broken my promise, but his withdrawal from me was going to kill me… literally. I always used to laugh when people said you could die of a broken heart. That sometimes a wife or husband would follow into death shortly after the other… but I understood it now. I may not commit suicide, but once he stopped touching me, it was slowly tearing my soul apart. I was dying—and leaving him would not change that—but he would not be forced to watch me die. That made all the difference to me.

 

“ Why can't I ever do right by you?” I nearly cried out as his body pressed against me even more. Right by me huh? If that were the case I would have never fallen in love him. Save for this past week, after Naraku all he had done seemed to be right by me. I was more in love with him now than I ever had been. I fell harder every damn day… how could he feel like that? After all I told him… how could he feel that way? Didn't he believe me at all?

 

“ I don't blame you. It's not your fault you can't feel the same. Please don't feel guilty… please!” I could face down an entire hoard of Naraku's demons without a flinch, but I was turned into nothing but a weak lost little girl simply by thinking he was hurting. I never could understand why I loved him so much, if I could never be with him. I felt him shudder and I buried my face into his shoulder, trying to memorize what I wanted to remember feeling when I finally passed away.

 

“ You've got it all wrong… I wasn't mad at you.” Though his voice still sounded thick, it wasn't as heavy as it was before. His hands shifted so he could cup my face, his mouth moved next to my ear, as if he said anything in aloud I would fade away. Wishful thinking, but I remained clinging to him. I had long given up on trying to ignore what he was doing to my body. I couldn't feel any worse than I did right now.

 

“ You just had to tell me on the night of the full moon didn't you? I couldn't say anything… I couldn't reassure you. I couldn't tell you how your words made me feel… I couldn't even control my demon, much less words.” He shifted against me again, and for a moment I could have sworn I felt him press a kiss to my earlobe.

 

“ I didn't touch you because… I realized how much of a fucking bastard I am. You're too good for me Kagome… you always have been and always will be.” Well I felt torn at that. Was it possible that Inuyasha… felt the same about me? But what about Kikyou… I flinched and he noticed. He really was getting good at reading me… if anything else I could confidently say Inuyasha understood me better than anyone else.

 

“ The reason I left that day—the reason I was gone so long—I told Kikyou I finally made my decision. I wanted… to take you as my mate. Kami Kagome I haven't loved Kikyou like that in years. I know I should have told you, but I always thought I was just imagining things… that you might possible love me too.” That was all it took. Suddenly the pain that had been throbbing through my veins started to dissipate.

 

“ I wanted her advice. You know I suck at this kind of shit… er… fuck!” He snarled, not yelling in my ear but his frustration was so relieving and freeing at the same time. I let out a sound between a sob and a laugh and I worked my arms up from between us so I could wrap them around his neck and hold him close. I knew he understood what I meant by this… that I once again understood what he meant, even if more often than not we didn't.

 

“ I was going to do it a week ago, but then all I could think about was how I tried to kill you that same day and… I panicked. I didn't know what I was doing, I needed help. And then your whole big speech about how you loved me and I had a choice… all I could think about was how much I had hurt you. I don't deserve your love I don't!” He whispered the last part harshly into my ear and I realized I was the only one with such a wounded soul. My running away from him… he must have felt as lost as I did. I clung even tighter to him, nuzzling my face into neck.

 

“ I thought it was better for you, if you thought I didn't want you. You'd be free to love someone worthy of you, but when you asked Kikyou…” He actually sounded like he choked up, his hands moved from my face to around me waist, holding me to him tightly as he nuzzled my neck in return.

 

“ I thought I was going to die when I figured out you intended to leave and never come back.” Apparently Inuyasha and I were great at feeling the same thing, but never letting the other know about it. He thought I was too good for him. I thought he could never love me after having someone like Kikyou. Yeah… we both excelled in assuming the worst of each other, because we were afraid of the good.

 

“ Why… why were you leaving?” I understood his question this time. I bit my bottom lip, nuzzling my face further into his neck, knowing my answer would be muffled but his ears would always hear me.

 

“ I felt like… I was dying. I could have accepted you being with Kikyou, but I could never accept you… distancing yourself from me.” I didn't want to admit I needed his touch. At this point I was rather positive I didn't need to, because being pressed up against him for so long was already starting to leave me breathless and I was sure he could smell my arousal now. But one thing was nagging at the back of my mind. I finally pulled back enough to look him in the eye.

 

“ Why couldn't you tell me this the night of the full moon?” He had the good graces to blush. For a moment I wasn't sure I wanted to know. One hand moved from my waist to scratch at the back of his head sheepishly.

 

“ The full moon is the night when my demon is strongest. Even with Tessaiga, if I had… started something, it was likely my demon would have taken over. I didn't want your first time with me to be… like that.” He turned even redder and I found it hard to giggle at him. Gods I loved him… I moved my hands from his shoulders to cup his face this time, staring deeply into his eyes that seemed brighter and happier than I had ever seen them.

 

“ Your demon would have… killed me?” I asked the question he seemed afraid to answer. He blinked before shaking his head, his face still a bright red.

 

“ My demon wouldn't have killed you. But it probably would have hurt you in the process—and you would have ended up pregnant for sure. The full moon and the new moon are the only time I could get you pregnant. We still have so much going on I didn't think it… would have been right.” His gaze shifted a little. His eyes went from bright and happy, to clouded with an emotion I wasn't familiar with—and I prided myself on knowing his emotions…

 

I opened my mouth to say something to him, a little afraid I had made him uncomfortable of sorts. Instead he just shook his head and reached up to pull my hands away from his face, holding my hands tightly in his. His nose twitched a few times and I realized just what he was sensing. This time I had the good graces to blush. He leaned his face back into my neck, and I nearly squealed when I felt his warn tongue run along my neck up to my ear.

 

“ You want me.” I don't know where his sudden bravado came from but the sound of his voice made me shudder against him. Suddenly I knew exactly what emotion had filled his eyes. It was probably the same one that I had right now. A combination of lust and love, and as I felt his fangs graze over the base of my neck I couldn't keep the moan from bubbling up out of me. I heard him chuckle and I would have retaliated by calling him a jerk, but he did it again and my mouth went dry.

 

His hands left mine and he backed up a little from me. I let out a small cry of protest, but his lips suddenly descended on mine, and his tongue and fangs almost immediately asking for permission into my mouth. I opened my mouth to his, and I felt another shudder run through me as his tongue slid into my mouth. His hands suddenly reappeared on the back of my thighs and I found myself hitched up along the tree a little, as he pulled my legs around his waist. His erection was suddenly pressed so firmly against me I whimpered into his mouth.

 

“ I want you too Kagome. I love you. I've loved you for so long.” He groaned against my lips, trailing kisses down the left side of my jaw line to my neck, suckling almost violently where I could only assume my pulse point was strongest. I moaned again, despite the fact my hips were pinned to the tree by his, I wiggled and rolled my hips the best I could, trying to tell him just what I wanted. Inuyasha had started to pant, letting out small growls as he started to thrust his hips a little into mine as well. I was really going to start losing it if he didn't hurry it along.

 

“ We can take it slow next time.” I whined, my throat catching as his hips ground almost harshly against mine. He let out a breathy chuckle and pulled his chest away from me a little. My hands went straight to the ties of his haori while his hands slid up under my shirt. I let him pull it off me, even though he sounded a little worried.

 

“ Kagome are you sure? I don't want to—“ I cut him off by crushing my lips to his, thrusting my tongue into his mouth this time. Somewhere in the back of my mind it registered that he tasted even better than I thought he would… Inuyasha's snarl against my mouth brought me back to reality and I leaned back as he racked his claws down from my collarbone gently to my bra. I almost laughed as he obviously refrained from shredding it. While I appreciated the gesture, I was too far-gone to care.

 

“ Gods Inuyasha go ahead I don't care. We almost… I just… it was too close Inuyasha. I just want to feel you please.” I was begging again. Something about him made me beg, but he didn't disappoint me. One of his claws easily sliced through my bra, and I released his ties long enough to help him slide the bra off. I threw it over his shoulder, not really caring where it landed. His tongue traced a line down my neck to my right breast. It suddenly became to hard for me to think as he pulled my nipple into his mouth and let his tongue lap at it.

 

It didn't help that he was still giving me small thrusts, rubbing his erection into my crotch. He was moving a little faster than before and I finding it harder to breath. When he finally pulled away from my breast, my foggy mind noticed he had pulled off both his haori and kosode already and his hands were working on the ties to his hakama. I think my skirt was hiked up above my waist, but I was having a hard time getting my eyes to focus.

 

“ I'm going to end up biting you Kagome. Here…” He lifted one hand from the ties for a moment, running the claw so lightly the top of my left collarbone. I shivered and just simply nodded at him. I didn't care, if it was going to make me his we could talk it out later. I had waited years for this, I wasn't going to wait anymore. He finally got the ties free and let his hakama drop. I couldn't help but blush again.

 

He wasn't wearing a fundoshi, and I stared almost unbelieving at the size of his length. I figured Inuyasha would have been gifted, being a hanyou, I just never realized just how much. Inuyasha's hands slid up my thighs again and I bit down on my bottom lip as he tugged at them slightly.

 

“ You sure Kagome? We can't go back after this… you'll be mine forever, just like I'll be yours.” He didn't sound hesitant about it, much rather he wanted me to be sure. I could understand his point… he probably grew up thinking he'd never have a mate. I smiled softly at him reaching forward to pull his face back to mine, kissing him far more tenderly than before. He sighed softly and kissed me back.

 

I don't know if he knew this would hurt me and wanted to get it over with quickly, or if he just couldn't help himself, but I suddenly felt stretched, burning and a sharp stabbing pain throughout me. He stood stalk still as he broke the kiss and nuzzled my neck, licking me affectionately while a low growl rumbled through his chest. While it hurt, I felt utterly complete in that moment. I whimpered and nipped at his shoulder to let him know he could continue.

 

I moaned aloud when he rocked his hips against me. It still hurt but it was nothing compared to what he hit inside me. I practically clawed at his shoulders and thrust my hips into his a little harder, and he caught the jist of my meaning. A few thrusts later and he picked up speed, moving harder inside of me. When he finally lifted his head and caught his eyes, I understood where his sudden bravado had come from.

 

Though his eyes retained their gold color, the whites had bled red and faintly I could make out the purple strips on his cheeks. I was oddly turned on even more, watching his fangs lengthen a little as the knot in my stomach started to tighten even more. I did my best to move with him against the tree, not really caring that I would probably end up with bark in my back. Suddenly he twisted his hips and the knot in my stomach exploded and threw back my head, screaming his name at the top of my lungs.

 

In the back of my mind I felt a prickle around my left collarbone, realizing that Inuyasha must have bit down like he said he would. He had stopped moving between my legs, holding me down tightly on his length. A minute or so later as my mind slowly cleared, I felt his fangs come out of my flesh and he lapped at the bite marks while he stumbled backwards. He landed on his ass, and both of us groaned as he was pressed even further up inside of me.

 

“ Fuck `gome.” Inuyasha nuzzled the mark that had already started to heal. It felt odd, almost like it was burning hot, but without the pain. His arms wrapped around me waist and pulled my chest up against his. I smiled at him and pressed my lips against his weakly in response, letting my fingers run through his hair and found his adorable dog-ears. He didn't try to flick them from my touch, instead he moaned himself and pressed his ears into my hands, letting his forehead rest against my chest.

 

“ Mmm I love you Inuyasha.” He chuckled softly and let me play with his ears a few minutes longer before reaching up to stop me, a wide grin on his face.

 

“ We've got a lot to talk about… but if you keep that up we won't ever get to it.” He shifted his hips and I realized that he was still inside me… and growing hard again. Letting a grin of my own grace my lips, I shifted my hips too, grinding on top of him to draw out a long groan.

 

“ Inu-hanyou stamina huh? I think I can live with that but this time…” I tweaked his ear affectionately as he nipped at the new silvery iridescent twin bite marks that lay on my skin, which had already healed. I'd have to ask him about why that healed so quickly later. He raised a brow at me, a mischievous look coming across his face as he smirked. I could live with that look… so full of love and happiness… though I knew somewhere in there he still had his nightmares.

 

“ This time what?” He continued to nip and lick at my new marks and I moaned gently into his ears, letting my fingers tease and tug lightly at them. In time… we'd work through his past together.

 

“ I'm on top.”