InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Which Me Do You Know? ❯ The New Side of Inuyasha ( Chapter 5 )

Ch. 5: The New Side of Inuyasha

 

It was the best Sunday ever for the Inutaishos; Inuyasha was finally back! Around 1:00, Inuyasha still did not feel like getting out of bed. He didn't feel tired, he felt as if he had no motivation to get up, like there was no reason to. For some odd reason, Inuyasha felt satisfied in staying in bed until he died.

 

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door. I wish everyone in this house would just go die and leave me alone, he suddenly thought. What the hell did I just think!? I wish they would slowly bleed to death, all of them…Rin, Sesshomaru, and Father…I hate them all. I don't hate my family! It's like I can't control my thoughts! Inuyasha thought in a panic.

 

There was another knock.

“Um…Come in,” said Inuyasha. It was Sesshomaru who had brought Inuyasha his breakfast.

“How are you feeling?” He asked while placing the tray over Inuyasha. I feel sick know that you're here, Inuyasha thought uncontrollably.

“Um…” I keep thinking these awful things…but why!? “Um, I'm fine, thanks,” he replied glancing down at the breakfast.

 

“Your welcome, little brother. Father is in Rin's chamber trying to get her to awake,” he informed. Sesshomaru's so close…I could just dig my claws into his chest…he wouldn't expect it, I know I won't miss… Inuyasha thought.

“You look really pale, and you're sweating.”

 

Sesshomaru reached out to touch Inuyasha forehead, but Inuyasha ejected his claws and batted his hand away, scratching Sesshomaru's hand in the process. Got him! Inuyasha's mind shouted with pleasure. Inuyasha's eyes widened and Sesshomaru stared at his glanced at his bleeding hand and stared at his brother.

 

“Oh my God, I'm sorry Sessh! I didn't mean to,” Inuyasha said quickly. Sesshomaru smiled.

“I know you did not mean to cause me harm. Do not trouble yourself about it, I does not hurt,” Sesshomaru said. He lied when he said that it didn't hurt; his whole right hand stung and burned.

“I shall go take care of this. You eat your break fast.”

 

“What in the seven he…” Mr. Inutaisho paused when he remember he had Rin in his arms. “What on earth happened to your hand!?” He asked when he saw Sesshomaru in the kitchen, looking for the peroxide.

“It is nothing serious. Inuyasha accidentally scratched me.”

 

His father set Rin down and examined his eldest son's hand.

“Sesshomaru…this is not a scratch of an accident; it is so deep,” he said. “Tell me what really happened.”

Sesshomaru sighed.

“I do not know. Inuyasha looked very pale and he was sweating, so I went to go feel his forehead and see if he had a fever. Before I could react, he batted my hand away and I was bleeding, and when I looked at him, I saw a glare of boiling evil in his eyes that I had never seen there before, not even when he was angry.”

 

“I think it may have something to do with his kidnapping. I'll stay home from work today and take Inuyasha to see a physiatrist later toady. How does it feel? Do you think that I need to take you to the doctor?”

“It does not hurt badly, I shall be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Sesshomaru nodded as he finished bandaging it up.

 

“Before I take Inuyasha to the doctor, I'll drop Rin off at Grandma's house. I don't want you staying home alone with an injury, so you're either going to come with me, or go over there with Rin.”

“I will accompany you, Father.” Sesshomaru knew that his father would be a total wreck while waiting to hear what was wrong with Inuyasha, so he thought it would be best if he went along.

 

“I want to go too,” Rin broke in.

“Rin, you're going to get bored in that waiting room,” said her father.

“No I won't.”

“Every time we go to the doctor's you always complain about being bored and it taking so long.”

“I won't complain this time, I promise.”

“No Rin…”

 

She gave the cutest face she could; her hazel eyes shinned, and her white dog ears twitched, as if they were pleading by themselves.

“Alright…you can come, but I don't want to hear about it being boring.”

“You won't. I love you, Daddy,” she said as reached up to give him a kiss on his cheek. Rin then returned to the table and ate her breakfast.

 

“We'll see how much you'll love me when you get older, when I really have to tell you no,” Mr. Inutaisho mumbled to himself.

“You did it again, Father,” said Sesshomaru.

“I did what?”

“You gave in,” he answered with a smirk.

“I know…I just cannot say no to her. With you and Inuyasha I sure could, well with you I didn't really have to correct your behavior. But Inuyasha…oh my gods, he was bad.”

 

They walked into the living room and sat down.

“I knew if I let that child get his way he's turn out to be the spawn of Satan. It was different with you two because you guys are boys.”

“Everyone told you not to pray for a girl…”

“I know…I remember what aunt Yuna said, `you don't want a daughter. When she gets older she'll break your heart'.” “I just couldn't listen.”

“I just hope I can get through the teen years with this one.”

“Well, look what you have been through with Inuyasha; you will be fine. I am almost certain that Rin will not be that bad.”

 

“She's already breaking my heart; she's ten years old, in three years she'll be thirteen. I don't know what I'm going to do when she moves out. I'll be lonely and childless.”

“Come on Father, do not say such things. You won't be childless…Inuyasha probably won't move out for a while, you can care for him as if he were young,” Sesshomaru joked. His father laughed.

 

“Besides, you could always start dating again,” Sesshomaru suggested. “You are far from old. Have you forgotten that demons stay younger longer?”

“Yeah, that's true. I guess I just gave up after Yura. She was such a bitch.”

“She might have been sour, but you should not let her stop you from anything.”

 

Later that day, Mr. Inutaisho drove to the mental clinic to get tests done on Inuyasha. What if they tell me I'm crazy and have to go in a nut house!? Inuyasha thought. What if I'm not crazy enough…and they take the front part out of my brain like that movie One Flew Over the Coo-Coo's Nest!?

 

Inuyasha was extremely nervous; he had never been to a shrink and didn't know what kinda stuff they were going to ask him or do to him. When they got there, Inuyasha walked into the office of a young, smiling, female doctor named Dr. Yukamaki.

 

“Hell, I'm Dr. Yukamaki, and I'll be asking you a couple questions today, Inuyasha,” she said as she shook his hand. She shook his father's and Sesshomaru's hand too. From what Inuyasha could process she seemed really nice. Her eyes were filled with bright cheer, she looked the youngest age that a doctor could possibly be, she had short black hair that had the ends flipped up with bright red highlights and instead of shoes, she had on a pair of slippers with Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas on it.

 

“I'm also going to be asking you gentlemen some questions as well,” Dr. Yukamaki said to Mr. Inutaisho and Sesshomaru.

“Have seat, make your selves comfortable. Inuyasha, you can even lay down if you want.” Inuyasha sat between Inutaisho and Sesshomaru on the sofa.

“C - Can they stay here with me?” Inuyasha asked nervously.

 

“Of course they can, what ever you like,” she answered. Oh, and Rin was in the little child day care center in the building. Inuyasha's heart was racing, it was beating so loud that he could hear it, and he briefly wondered if his father and Sesshomaru could hear it too. His hands were clammy and he fixed his eyes on the blue carpeted floor in front of him. He was scared and uncomfortable from the pain on his wrist and arm, every time his sleeve would rub it ached.

 

“Inuyasha, are you nervous?” Dr. Yukamaki asked sweetly.

“Um, well…um, sort of, I guess,” Inuyasha responded. She smiled.

“Don't worry, you don't have to tell me anything that you don't feel comfortable telling me today. Everyone's a little nervous their first time, but I promise you it'll get easier,” she said. “Just tell me when you're ready to start.”

 

Inuyasha glanced at her; she was sitting in an arm chair with her legs crossed like an Indian, as if she were at home rather than work. He took a deep breath.

“I'm ready.”

“Okay. Can you tell any feelings or personalities that have changed in you?”

 

“Well…since the night I got home, I felt like I just wanted to be alone. Like I didn't want to talk to anyone or be around my family. I felt really angry, and real sad.”

“Do know what might have made you feel such anger and sadness?”

“No.” I just want to rip that pen out of her hand and jab her eyes out with it…Inuyasha thought in a think, unusual animosity.

 

“Um, I just wasn't myself; I'm normally really social and like outgoing, but that night I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I was in a sort of weird dark mood.”

“Okay. Is there anything else about that night?” Inuyasha thought in mortal fear; there was something else, but he felt like he couldn't say it in front of his father and Sesshomaru.

 

That night that he was back home, he was in his room, looking at different bands on the internet, and when the pictures came up he remembered thinking that a lot of the members were hot. The problem was…they were all men. Inuyasha had been attracted to men! He had had gay thoughts! That night he was so confused that he sobbed for an hour or two. How am I supposed to tell her this with them here!? I know I should just get it all off my chest…but how?

 

Once again, Inuyasha took a deep breath and continued.

“Yeah, there's something else…”

“Alright.”

“That night, I was in my room, on the computer looking at bands. Well, I was thinking that some of them were attractive…” He glanced at his father and brother, and continued, “The thing is…they were men.”

 

“So you mean that you found them attractive on a sexual level?” the doctor asked.

“Yeah.” Mr. Inutaisho's eyes went wide, and so did Sesshomaru's.

“Have you ever been attracted to me earlier in your life?”

“I started liking them during my kidnap. Before then, I wasn't gay.”

 

“So how long did it take for you to start developing gay traits?”

“Um, I can't say in terms of weeks, but it was a gradual thing. I first started trying to make my self believe that I like men so that it wouldn't be as bad…” tears streamed down his face. Mr. Inutaisho and Sesshomaru each put a hand on his shoulder.

“I thought it'd be easier to deal with the rape and molesting they did to me if I like guys.”

 

Before asking the next question, Dr. Yukamaki let Inuyasha pull himself together.

“When you were in that dark, violent mood, did that start around a certain time?” She asked.

“Yeah, it started around five-thirty or six o' clock; before then, I felt normal, and the gay thing only comes when I'm in that dark mood,” Inuyasha answered.

“So when you're not in that dark mood you would say you're straight?”

“Yeah.”

“Did anything unusual happen this morning?”

 

“Well yeah, Sesshomaru, my brother, went to feel my head to see if I had a fever, and I scratched him really bad. I mean, it was like I couldn't control myself. Before I hurt him, I was having violent thoughts that I couldn't seem to control,” said Inuyasha.

“Do you remember what those thoughts were?”

“I was thinking how I wished that my dad, brother, and sister would just die and leave me alone when I heard a knock on my door. Before I scratched Sesshomaru, I kept thinking about digging my claws into my heart.”

 

During a small pause, Dr. Yukamaki glanced at Inuyasha; he was holding his arm and wrist as if it was causing him pain. It hit her. Inuyasha may have cut himself… she thought. I should check and make sure.

 

“Inuyasha…” she said sweetly but seriously, “Can you pull up your sleeve for me?”

Inuyasha pulled up the sleeve of the opposite arm he was holding; it was clean of cuts.

“The other sleeve please.”

Reluctantly, Inuyasha slowly pulled up the sleeve. Mr. Inutaisho and Sesshomaru gasped. Inuyasha's wrist was full of long, red cuts. On his wrist was a very deep gash, it was so deep that it looked as if you could almost place an index finger in it, and the walls of the gash would cover it up.

 

The cuts started from his wrist and continued put his arm near his shoulder; they were all of the side of his arm that was closest to his body. (I mean the inside of the arm). I smell tears…Inuyasha thought. He glanced at his father; there was a single tears running down his eyes. Sesshomaru's eyes were flooded with pent up pain; he was really trying not to cry, for his father's and Inuyasha's sake.

 

“Inuyasha, were you trying to kill yourself?” Dr. Yukamaki questioned.

“The first cut I was.”

“Is that deep gash the suicide attempt?”

“Yes.”

“Why did you want to kill yourself?”

“All the things that happened when I was kidnapped was eating away at me, and I hate the person I'm becoming, I hate the dark side that came out. I was mad at myself when I hurt Sesshomaru, and I felt bad.”

 

Dr. Yukamaki asked Inuyasha about the rape and torture, and she asked Mr. Inutaisho and Sesshomaru about how Inuyasha looked when he was in his dark mood.