InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Why Can't We Work Things Out? ❯ Chapter 1

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Kagome flung herself onto her bed and buried her head into a pillow. She pressed her face hard against the plush to try and stifle the sounds of her sobs. Tears that had been held inside for many weeks fell with abandon now that she was back in her own time and her own private room.

She wanted to scream, she wanted to tear out her hair. How could this be happening again? For five years she had put up with Inuyasha's bad mood and temper, but this time it was just too much. Every time things seemed to be OK between them, Inuyasha would start to argue about the dumbest things with Kagome. Criticizing things that didn't matter, taking out his frustration on her, taking advantage of her willingness to put up with him. He would get mad if she fought back or told him not to treat her that way ... and instead of trying to work it out, he would just put on an ugly face and stop talking to her, sometimes avoiding her for days at a time. It was Kagome who would chase him down and try to work it out ... always her fixing the problems and struggling with him to try and make their relationship work.

Her face was hot from being buried in the pillow so she turned her head and covered her mouth with one hand to muffle the cries that wouldn't stop. Curling up her legs under her, she sat up and hunched over into a tight ball. Her hair fell around her face, covering it and somehow making her feel more protected. Wrapping her other arm around herself she shook with sadness, the images and voices of the past few hours haunted her mind, making her relive the horrid moments that had passed between her and her love.

She thought back to the beginning, how she had loved him so quickly and how he was too busy with his other girlfriend to even take her seriously. Even when he had pledged to be with Kagome, he would run to Kikyou whenever she would come around or call for him. It drove Kagome crazy with jealousy! Inuyasha would be gone for days to see his first love, but Kagome sat silently and waited ... for she knew they wouldn't last. Kikyou was only using Inuyasha, after all, and lied to him often about her feelings for him and what she was doing when they were apart. In five years, it was only the last 15 months that he had even stopped talking about the bitch!

Kagome grabbed a tissue and blew her congested nose, relieving the pressure that had begun to build in her ears from too much crying. With another, she wiped her face dry. She noticed how her skin felt burned from the salt and the constant use of the tissues.Walking to her wall mirror, she looked at pink, swollen eyes. The whites were now irritated and red, as was her raw, chapped nose and upper lip. She looked like hell, which was only a step better than what she felt inside.

How can Inuyasha still act this way after so many years? After all they had been through, after the struggles and learning, the sacrifices and tragedies. They should have been the closest couple, the most understanding and patient. Instead, it was hardly a month that went by without a fight. Usually they were started by him making accusations or snapping at Kagome for not acting the way he thought she should. He constantly put her down and made her feel like she was a loser ... a worthless nothing. Yet, when he was confronted with his own issues or things that he did wrong, Inuyasha became enraged and took everything as a personal insult and huffed away to avoid her for another week. It was difficult to ever say anything truthful to him about things he did that were dangerous to his health, or about the rough and mean way he treated people. It didn't matter if she tried to tell him it was because she cared that she would call him on his bad habits, he would just turn on her anyway.

Kagome sat still for a moment, mulling thoughts in her head and trying to calm herself ... but the tears started up again, burning her eyes and skin once more. She lay back on her bed and clutched her teddy bear, smashing it to her chest, holding it desperately for some comfort.

Her thoughts turned to the recent year. How he never touched her or kissed her unless she begged. She couldn't get him to hold hands or hug her. He acted like it was a bother, like he just put up with it rather than want it. As for sex, what a joke! She couldn't even remember the last time, perhaps it had been once in the last year ... but it was too long to recall. Not like it ever happened that much in the first place. If it were ever memorable, she might be able to count the amount of times on both hands. She wasn't a child, she was a grown woman with needs ... why wouldn't he want to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him? Sex, Kagome could live without, but she couldn't be with a lover who didn't at least show his affections.

Her head ached from crying now and she couldn't breath through her nose anymore. Her teddy bear was soaked with tears and cold against her skin. She threw the bear across the room in anger and grabbed a pillow against herself to replace it, weeping endlessly.

She remembered the sweet things he would do for her when they didn't fight. How he would help her with anything she asked, or remember her favorite treats. She replayed the happy moments that seemed so far away. How could this be the same person?

Kagome began to punch the pillow she held, wailing in pain over Inuyasha. Mourning the fleeting moments of happiness that seemed to drown in the constant strife between them.

What can she do? This will never stop unless something changes, but what? Each time they fought, Kagome would find Inuyasha in a day or two and force him to tell her what he was mad about. Usually it was something she didn't even know was bothering him. Since he wouldn't tell her in the moment of offense, Kagome was often unaware that what ever she had done was even a problem. Yet, the things that he complained about were mostly ridiculous misunderstandings on his part anyway. He held on to past problems, bring them up weeks, months, even years later; so Kagome was confused and didn't remember what had happened in the first place! When she tried to be calm and figure out what the problem was, he became even more angry that she couldn't recall the things he was upset about.

This time he was mad and wouldn't talk, as usual, but she was sick to death of his antics! If she went to him again and forced a reconciliation, then things would smooth over and they would be OK in a day. But this would eventually happen again, and Kagome didn't think she could handle their tumultuous relationship any longer. What if she just avoided him, like he did her? Would he just keep sulking forever? Would he try to find her and fix things himself? Or would he just come back after a few days and pretend nothing happened? How can she make him stop hurting her? Knowing him, he would just accuse her of not caring and start yet another fight if she didn't go begging to him like she always did. Maybe she should just leave him once and for all and find somebody who would treat her with respect. Her heart sank at the thought. It had been so long now and she was starting to reach an age where it was more difficult to find a nice mate. Most of her friends had been married years earlier and were working on their second and third children already. How can she start over now?

A dark cloud passed over Kagome's heart. The tears stopped abruptly ... the hurt and worry about Inuyasha seemed less important, images and memory washed away leaving a deep empty hole inside her. She felt nothing at all. Walking to her desk, she pulled out a pair of sharp tweezers, then went to her bathroom and placed herself inside the bathtub. Kagome violently dragged the sharp points of the tool down her left arm slicing the flesh open with a ragged cut. She repeated the motion with her other arm, then dropped the tweezers mindlessly to the ground. As she watched the hot, red life ooze from her arms, she regretted nothing. She didn't feel guilty for the selfish act, she didn't feel bad for the pain she would cause others. She didn't care anymore ... she couldn't live without Inuyasha, but she couldn't continue to live with him. This way, she never had to choose ... never had to start over ... never had to suffer anymore. With the last moments of consciousness, she panicked, realized she didn't leave a note. Lifting a bloody finger to the tile she wrote the one thing she could say ... her last message to the world ... the only explanation for her actions ...

"Inuyasha"