InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Willed ❯ Chapter 1

Willed

Summary: His eyes were controlling, his voice was deceiving and his love was my downfall.

My will was to live but his was for me to die.

0o0o0o0

I walk to the Goshinbuku and sit on one of the above ground roots. It was no use to go to the well and I knew this, but for some reason I continued to go back. I think it may have been the comfort of knowing that's where InuYasha told me he loved me, or maybe it's to remind me of my newly formed hatred towards him. I remember the day clearly, the day that he told me he loved me, and the every same day he said he hated me.

***************Flash Back************************

Normal POV

 

It was spring time and raining in the Sengoku Jidai. The clouds were a dark black, hiding all the beauty the past had to offer.

Thunder sounded in the background as lightning flashed.

Rain was beating the two lovebirds as if saying `stop fighting',

but to no avail, she was still outside fighting with InuYasha.

“....... Gods Kagome are you that stupid? You just let Kouga walk all over you and to tip it off you let him kiss you!! What the hell were you thinking?” InuYasha screamed as he paced back and forth

“I told you already, I didn't mean for him to kiss me. He caught me in shock when I turned to tell him to leave.” She argued back.

“Yea well you sure didn't make him stop!! What do you actually like having the wolf all over you? Well then next time I won't stop him. Next time I'll just go get Kikyo and leave you to your lover”

He spat coldly.

“InuYasha, I told you I don't love Kikyo...... I love you..... But if that's how you feel then don't let me stop you.”

“Fine. Kikyo's a way better shard detector then you any way.

And plus I bet she wouldn't complain if I went off with some one else for a while”

“Yea AND THAT'S BECAUSE SHE IS ALWAYS CHEATING ON YOU WITH NARAKU!!!!! I DON'T RUN AROUND WITH OTHER PEOPLE UNLIKE THE TWO OF YOU!!!!!!! Maybe you two are perfect for each other.” she whispered the last part.

“Ka—Kagome..... YEA WELL FINE THEN! SHE'S BETTER THEN YOU AT EVERYTHING I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING WHEN I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU”

He stopped, realizing that he went to far this time. Crystal tears begged to be released but Kagome refused their plea.

“Go to hell!” she cried barely above a whisper, which made it hurt all the worse.

“Kagome....”

“NO JUST GO TO HELL WITH YOUR PRECIOUS KIKYO!”

She spat before running off to the well.

 

She was reached the well and jumped in with out a second thought.

 

Hours later back at the Higurashi shrine, a pair of golden eyes watched as the fragile girl sobbed harshly upon her bed.

He watched in horror as she cried till she choked herself.

What scared him the most was her sudden stop.

She whipped away the tears and walked out of the room to her bathroom. The faint scent of blood caressed his nose.

`She must have cut herself on something' he thought trying to calm his worried mind. He watched as the young girl walked back into the room with a bloodstained blade in hand and sat down on the bed. He watched as she placed the blade on her leg and slit a small section, only to watch as the crimson flowed on her delicate skin.

“One for every time he went to Kikyo” he heard her mumble.

She raised the blade to her leg and again slit another small line.

And again a crimson flow dripped over.

“One for every time he accused me of cheating on him with Kouga” she whispered with an eerie, melancholy tone.

He watched as she raised the blade again, but to her wrist this time.

“And one to end it all” she said, this time InuYasha bust in.

He slapped the blade out of her hand and pulled her up to face him.

“WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING”

“I WAS THINKING I WAS GOING TO GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANTED AND GIVE KIKYO HER ENTIRE SOUL BACK”

“Kagome, I don't want you to kill yourself.”

“Really cuz that's not what I got from you when you said Kikyo was better then me at everything” she spat cruelly

He pulled her into a tight embrace and rested his chin on top of her head.

`He's doing it again. He's going to tell me everything will be ok and that it was stupid for us to fight. He's going to look at me with those apathetic golden eyes and make me fall in love with him all over again.' She thought.

“No baka, you should know by now that I love you, Koi. Those fights are stupid, you shouldn't take them seriously. Even though you were unusually cruel.” He smirked

“Only because you pissed me off” she retorted

“I love you Kagome”

“I love you too InuYasha” `He did it again!' she inwardly cursed herself.

*****************End Flash back and back to Kagome's pov*******

 

I can't believe I allowed him to fool me again. Every time he tells me that things will change and that he loves me, it's always a lie.

That day he asked me to seal the well and stay with him forever, which was my mistake. It was a stupid mistake too. I should never have agreed because since that day, he has left me to be with Kikyo. I knew he would in my head, but my heart fooled me and told me he changed. His eyes were controlling, his voice was deceiving and his love was my downfall.

My will was to live but his was for me to die, and that was very clear. But I stuck it out, for three long and painful years.

I didn't have Sango and Miroku to help me. They had been married around the time InuYasha asked me to stay. We saw very little of them since then. So as I said, I have been alone. What of Shippoe, you ask? Shippoe left a few years back to be with Rin and lord Sesshomaru. Jaken had died trying to save Rin from an untimely death. And Keada, I bet you're wondering what became of her, right? She died of old age. She had arthritis and couldn't move. She was also suffering of a deadly illness that had inevitably been her death. No, I know what you're thinking, I can't go to Kouga.

Kouga and Ayame are betrothed and have two kids of their own.

Akami and Hotaru, both cute and rambunctious, but they do take after their parents.

And Sesshomaru, HA he would never take in a mortal, much less a miko.

So either way you put it, I'm all alone. So now I sit at the very well that caused me this much pain. I still am not sure why I come here, the time barrier won't let me pass and there is now way home. InuYasha used the Shikon no Tama to resurrect Kikyo, so I can't wish myself home. I remember the time I saw InuYasha promising himself to Kikyo.

That memory won't leave me alone.

*********************Flash back*****************************

It was raining in the Sengoku Jidai that day too. Notice how much it rains?

But nonetheless it was raining, well flooding more like it. InuYasha said he had to go gather some firewood for the hut; I rolled my eyes at his obviousness.

I knew he was going to see Kikyo but in the rain.... it made no sense.

So I let him go, believing I was oblivious to his lies. I waited a little while the decided I should go and hopefully prove myself wrong. But I was right all along.

There he was holding Kikyo in his arms and talking to her.

“.......I can't do that, not now at least.”

“InuYasha you must, you must kill that girl and retrieve the rest of my soul.” She begged.

“Kikyo I can't....”

“But I thought you loved me?” she pouted

“I do koibito I do but I have some feelings for Kagome.”

“Choose” she said annoyed

“Kikyo....” he growled in the same annoyance

“Choose InuYasha. I will not be constantly competing with that copy.”

“She's not your `copy' she is different.”

“I don't care, she is my reincarnation and that's that so choose no before I loose my patience” she spat rudely.

“You”

“Good choice InuYasha” she smiled as she gave him a simple kiss.

I knew why it was raining. The clouds pitied me and wanted to cover up my embarrassment. The cold wind directed me straight to the well.

So I did as my heart asked, I ran. I ran straight to the sealed well.

I have no clue what good it would do but I did anyway.

***************************End Flash Back*********************

Now that I think about, with all the times he had done that before, why didn't I see it coming when we were together? I mean he had done that once right after he told me he loved me and once after we got into a fight. I don't understand how someone could be so heartless, so cruel and so... so.... deceitful. I mean I understand Kikyo could be, but InuYasha?

So I'm going to do the one thing I should have done along time ago, give Kikyo the rest of her soul back. I'm going to kill myself just to make InuYasha happy. I hope he appreciates it. I mean I made a vow a few years back to do what ever it took to make him happy and if my death is what he wants then he can have it.

Like I said before, his eyes could turn the coldest heart warm, his voice could make you forget your problems, but his deceitful charm could make you do anything, even kill yourself.

Normal POV: four hours and two panic attacks later

“WHERE IS SHE” InuYasha screamed as he was running the forest.

He had been panicking ever since Kagome had walked out of the hut that morning.

He smelled the faintest scent of blood and ran faster.

`Better not be ...' was all he managed to get out before reaching its origin.

`Kagome...' he thought before looking down at the lifeless figure

“KAGOME!!!!” he screamed

She had taken one of her arrows and ran it through her heart. Blood stained her white blouse and tears stained her face. It was apparent that the suicide was recent.

InuYasha pulled her lifeless body into her grasp and cried into her hair.

A small pieced of parchment fell out of her pocket and InuYasha picked it up.

It was on plain white parchment and covered it dried tearstains and blood. It read.

“My dearest InuYasha,

Apparently you have found my body and are reading the note.

Let me explain, yes I killed myself but only so you could live happily with your precious Kikyo with out any interference from me. I have killed myself so I could give Kikyo back her full soul and set what was left of mine free. I hope you have a long and happy life with Kikyo. I know we would have had a good life together but since you chose Kikyo I wish the best to you.

Just remember I love you and I always will. I will watch over you when my soul passes over.

Aishiteru,

Kagome”

He crumbled the note in his hand. `Damnit Kagome why?' he scolded himself

He carried her body to the well and buried it in the bottom.

A stone tablet was placed before the well. It read

“Kagome Higurashi

A miko a friend and a wife

Aishiteru”

He couldn't find any other words to say, none of them were good enough.

There was no way to describe the torment he had put her through for the past few years.

He promised to always be with her, but he left her. He promised to always love her, and he did but he left her. And most of all, he promised to always protect her, and yet he killed her.

He never deserved her love and now he knew that. Why hadn't he seen it before, Kagome was genuine and full of life and love, but Kikyo.... Kikyo was dead and cold and he knew it.

He did the only thing he knew to make things right, kill himself.

He extended his claws and dug out his heart. He fell next to the well.

It was his will that she die and his will that forced him to die

*************************

A/n sorry I didn't know how to end it any other way

Flames and suggestions accepted and encouraged.