InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Wilted Rose: A Tribute to Rin and Sesshoumaru ❯ Chapter 1

He is still the same. The same since I first met him. He's held the same position in my life since it began. He is the one who started it.

That solid figure.

The light of the moon.

The shadow of darkness.

My Sesshoumaru.

I've traveled with him for as long as I can remember. Ever since that dark time, the time I cringe to remember. I push it to the back of my mind now. I forget it all.

My life is with him now.

-------

There is no true name for our relationship. Not even I know. Is he my father? My lover?

No, those titles can not label what we have.

Some have called us traveling companions as well. Maybe that's the closest that we come. I feel our bond is far stronger though.

I understand him, though he holds his tongue. His face is impassive, except for the resilient intensity he always holds. And every once in a while his emotions of anger rise up, but he never reveals more. Intentionally, at least.

Maybe he does not care. I cant believe that he wouldn't know. Even I-the one who can see his heart best- does not know everything about him.

I stay with him though. I make up for his cold exterior with my joyful attitude: my warm smiles. The truth is, he has pride, and that overpowers any tendency he has to open up.

He also doesn't know how.

------

"Rin," he says, "You will have to fend for yourself tonight. I have business."

I smile, "Yes, Lord Sesshoumaru! Me and Jaken will go forage!"

He stares at me with eyes the color of wheat in its prime, or maybe wood polished to shine like gold. To the untrained eye they would look empty, or critical of my small figure. Maybe they are critical, but not of me. Sesshoumaru fights only with himself.

He never shows it though.

-----

Jaken is another trusted friend. He is a little bit like Sesshoumaru, in that he doesn't show his heart. He calls we a 'petulant child', or a 'small brat.' What I see is an embarrassed affection. The small goblin is ashamed to care for a mere mortal like myself. I guess he can't help it. I care for him too though.

We are partners in looking out for ourselves. Whenever Sesshoumaru-sama has business, we are left alone. Jaken keeps me company with his loud squawking voice, and I gladly listen. I hum and sing to return the favor.

I don't think Ah-Uh minds either. I love him too. Or should I say them? Even over these many years I have not figured that out. I don't think I should ask. I'd rather not lower myself in their eyes.

-----

I say they hid their feelings, that they won't open up, but I fear I am the same. I smile for them. I laugh to lighten them. I grin to show my love.

Somehow, though, I do not always do this for myself. I'm older now, time has passed, though I am uncertain how long, yet I remain the same. I may have the body of a young woman, but I remain the silly little girl in their minds.

I must admit, I play the part exceptionally well. Sometimes though, at night, when Jaken sleeps, and Sesshomaru is away, I fanaticize of being a normal young lady.

I sometimes with for other girls to be my friend.

I sometimes wish for parents to scold me.

... I sometimes wish for a sweetheart.

The last wish shames me the most, because don't I have Sesshoumaru? But then again, our relationship can't be labeled. It brings me back to question... what are we?

Or better yet, what will happen?

Will I grow old, gnarled and ugly? Sesshoumaru will remain the same, young and beautiful, strong and brave. Will I be forgotten and discarded when the glimpse of the young girl inside of me disappears? Will I die, and be left behind by my Lord? Sesshoumaru-sama.

These questions plague me when he is away. I hate that I can't be self-reliant. Oh I can find food, sleep protected, and generally provide for myself. Without him though, my emotional state is unstable.

I wish I could be the young girl again. I wish I could never change. I don't want to look at the future. I don't even want to look at the present. I can only wallow in my own turbulent thoughts. I can only dream.

Oh, Sesshoumaru, my only companion. My only love. Why do you leave me with such uncertainty?