InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Within You ❯ You've Run So Far ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I love the only Inuyasha related thing I own. My cute little chibi inu key-chain which lives out its happy life on my iPod making fashion statements everywhere (Ha! Take that Parris Hilton! You want something hot? Then look at my iPod cuz it's so cute and knows how to accessorize.)




“You…you what?”

“I had a miscarriage.”

Oh God…what was she doing? She was never pregnant. There was never a child, and she had never miscarried.

“When…when did it happen? Why did you not tell me that you were with child? Why are you just now telling me?”

“I was just under three months. I did not want to tell you until I was sure the child would take…and you have been so distant lately…”

She drifted off as she watched him start to pace around the room, biting on the nail of his thumb. She could not believe what she had just done. She trapped him, and they both knew it. He would not leave her now that she was so fragile and broken, and even as a part of herself loved that he would be going nowhere, a larger part of her hated everything that she was.

He came to a stop and leaned against the wall, sliding down to the floor and slumping over, dangling his arms over his knees and resting his head upon them. He looked absolutely destroyed, and she was the cause of it.

“Inuyasha…I am sorry.”

“For what? It is not your fault the baby died. Do…do you know how our child passed?”

“No. I wish I knew, but I was feeling ill this morning, and then later on…please do not make me continue…”

“No…of course. I understand. I think…I need some time to be by myself for a bit.”

He left without another word, and she continued to cry. What had she done? What had she done?



It was almost time for dinner when she saw him sitting by himself in the garden with his head in his hands on his knees, staring down at the ground. He had been missing for the last two days, and now that she had found him quite on accident looking so devastated…she just needed to comfort him.

She left the castle, and found him the same way she had last seen him. She tentatively reached a hand out and placed it on his shoulder. He jumped slightly at the contact and looked up at her, acknowledging her presence.  

“What is wrong, Yash?”

He was silent for a good five minutes or so before he summoned the nerve to utter the four words that would destroy her as much as they had destroyed him.

“I cannot leave Kaede.”

She felt her throat dry up like water in a desert. It was suddenly very difficult to speak.

“She...she was pregnant and she never told me about it. She just lost the baby three days ago. We lost the baby three days ago. I cannot leave her after something like that. She lost a child. I cannot leave her too. I do not even want to think about what that would do to her.”

“Yash…I am so sorry…I cannot begin to imagine what the two of you are going through…”

She meant what she had said…but even as she said that, she could not help but mentally question Inuyasha and Kaede having done…that? She had thought that they might have…at one point in time…but the idea that a child had come about from that…she felt like she was going to be sick. She had never read anything from Kaede about them coupling in her letters, either, but she had picked up on hints of it throughout the years. The idea of Inuyasha and Kaede so completely and entirely wrapped in one another left her feeling ill and empty.

You only did that if you were willing to give all of yourself to someone, or you were wed. That was what she had been led to believe, at least. She knew that in her case, she would never do…that…until she was wed. The closest she had ever been to a man before was still the night before Inuyasha had been removed from the program. Yes, she had kissed Koga many times before, though she had never once wanted to. That night had been intimate. It was special. To think that Inuyasha and Kaede had been more intimate… Still…she needed to know. There was a part of her that needed to confirm that this indeed had happened. That they had shared in one another as only she had dreamed of sharing in Inuyasha.

“Inu—Inuyasha…have you really done…have you…did you two really…was it not uncommon for…is it honestly possible for the child to have been yours?” That had been the hardest sentence she had ever had to say, and the answer she knew would be just as painful as uttering those words. Still, she knew that he understood what she was asking, no matter how poorly constructed or patchy it had been coming out.

“We have…engaged in…marital acts before, yes.”

“I see…so…you would have been the father?”

“Of course!” she had not meant to anger him, but that was exactly what she had done, and it was a terrifying site to see his eyes full of fire and rage. To even suggest that Kaede had been anything short of faithful was a difficult idea for them to absorb. It seemed as likely as a horse giving birth to a bird.  “Kaede was just...under…”

She waited for him to continue after he drifted off, but the words never came. “Just under what, Yash?”

“She said that she was just under three months, but…we…that would mean that she would have conceived when we were on the ship coming home, would it not? We have been here for two months…so the child would need to have been conceived on the ship, right?”

“And? Is that not possible?”

“We never…around that time, we did not do anything that would…cause her to become with child. I did not touch her the entire time we were on the ship because of the close quarters and the amount of people on the ship. It was nearly impossible.”

“Then does that mean that she was not three months along?”

“Or that the child was not mine.”

“Inuyasha…I am so sorry. Is there anythi—”

“I need to go. Right now. Please excuse me, Kagome.”

He could not believe this. Had Kaede lied to him? Why would she do that? He had never thought of her as a conniving kind of woman before, but if she truly was lying to him, then he was clearly wrong about her. Suddenly, the right thing, the honorable thing, and what he wanted did not matter. If she had lied to him about this, he would leave. Not so that he could potentially be with Kagome, but because if she had been lying to him about something like this, he wanted no part of her. Her or the life they would have together. Suddenly, he did not care about anything. He just wanted the truth.

He stormed back to their room in the castle and flung the door open.

The room was empty.

Where had she gone? He wanted to get to the bottom of this. Now. He started pacing the room. Who would the father have been? It had to have been someone from on the ship. Who though? He had stayed with Kaede almost the entire time, or at least that is what he thought. It was nearly impossible for the child to have been conceived, then. They were on the ship for almost four months, sailing directly here. That would mean that at the most, she would be just under seven months pregnant. That certainly was not possible either, because she would have been showing long before now. They did not do anything this past month, though he could remember doing…that…with her many times in the first month after they arrived home. That meant that at the least, she was pregnant for a month and a half. The more realistic range was a month and a half, to two months, then. Was it even possible for her to know that soon? Something was just not adding up, and he needed her back here. Now. They needed to talk about this. He hoped that this was all just one big misunderstanding, and she had been so hurt at the time that she had accidentally said three months instead of two? That was always possible too, right?

He sat down on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair.

Yes, it was possible…but it was also unlikely. Very, very, very unlikely. Kaede never made slip ups like that. What he had seen three days ago was a real pain, and there had been a genuine change in her demeanor. She could not pretend to be as sad as she was. Even if there was something wrong about the story she had just given him about the child, that did not mean that the child did not exist at least in one point in time. The child might not have been his, but she was certainly suffering from a loss. And even if there was no child, then what had caused her change in demeanor?

What could have caused Kaede to go so bonkers, that she would fabricate the death of an innocent babe just to hide the truth of some sort of pain? And why would she fabricate the passing of a child? Their child?

“Kaede…what have you done?” he whispered to himself. How had their lives become so twisted?

He must have sat there on the bed like that for hours waiting for her to come back, but it did not feel like it. It felt like days until the door to their room silently opened and closed. He did not need to hear it to know she had entered the room though. He could feel her presence, almost.

“Inuyasha…I did not see you tonight at dinner. Are you not hungry?”

“No.”

“Really? Are you sure? I would not mind going back to the kitchens to get yo—”

“I said ‘no’, Kaede.”

The authority in his tone made her pause. There was something different about him. Something almost dangerous, and it set her on edge. He looked like he was a wound up cobra, waiting to strike and sink his venom into her if he was even looked at the wrong way.

“Alright. It was just a question. I am sorry, Inuyasha.”

He grunted his head and nodded, rising off of the bed and pacing once again. She watched him, growing more and more concerned by the second. This was not like him. He did not grunt like some brute. He was not snippety with her or cold or anything like this. He did not completely dismiss her.

“Sit down,” he ground out after a few more minutes of pacing. He knew what he was doing. It was a tactic that his old teachers used on them when they were about to interrogate them. It set them on edge and made it seem like they did not have the upper hand. Right now, Kaede was going mad on the inside. She was going crazy trying to figure out what was going on and what was wrong. He would pace for a few more minutes, and then…

“How far along were you again, Kaede?”

“I…I was just under three months. Inuyasha…is that why you are acting like that…because of the baby?”

That was it. That was all it took to make him snap, because now he was sure that she was lying about something.

“Oh…not just the baby,” he sneered, “because of your baby. It is not possible for that child to have been mine, Kaede. I spent the better part of the last two days morning it, and thinking about it, when suddenly it hit me: the child could not possibly be mine. Do you want to know why Kaede? Go ahead. Ask me.”

Suddenly, she did not want to. She wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment. She was terrified. She had never seen him this angry before in her life. She never saw him when he was angry.

“Inuyasha, I—”

“Ask. Me.”

“How?” she whispered, utterly terrified. This was not him. This was not the man she loved. The man that she would sacrifice all of herself to be with. The fire that she saw in his eyes…the pure maliciousness…this was not her Inuyasha.

“I did the math. I was curious to know just when this little cretin would have been conceived…because the more I thought about it, the more I realized how often we have not had sex. I did not even touch you when we were on the ship, which was…guess what…almost three months ago! So tell me, Kaede…if you are so sure that you were almost three months pregnant, who the hell is the father? Do you even know who the father was, or did you just spread your legs for anyone who would push into you?”

“I am not some whore, Inuyasha. I did not betray you if that is what this is about!”

“It is about the fact that a child was conceived, and to the best of my knowledge, I am not responsible for it. So, unless you climbed atop me when I was asleep on the ship, I do not see how it is mine!”

“I did not betray you!”

“Then how am I the father? What time am I possibly missing?”

She was silent and near tears, but he did not care. He needed answers.

“You know, the more I think about it,” he continued, his voice calm and quiet, giving his words a greater sting than before. “The more I am not even sure that there was a child to begin with. The Kaede I knew would not have kept that from me. She would have told me, no matter how I had been acting. And you have not even changed. I have noticed no differences in your body or demeanor. No sickness. No beginnings of a swell. Nothing. So that only makes me wonder: if you are being truthful about having stayed faithful to me, why would you lie about having a child?”

Still, even after that, she was silent, only now, she was openly weeping.

“I see,” he whispered. “I know that you are lying about something, Kaede. Be it the pregnancy, or who the father is…but I do not care anymore. I do not think that I can be with you after this.”

“Inuyasha, no…please…stay. Do not leave me…”

“Why? Why should I stay when you are lying to me about this?”

“Like you are any better than I am!” she suddenly yelled out, surprising him. He had thought that all of her fight was gone, if she even had any to begin with. “I know what you are doing behind my back. I have seen it with my own eyes. You. And Kagome. Wrapped in each other’s arms. Kissing.”

The way his eyes widened a fraction told her that she had hit a nerve.

“You thought I did not know? You thought that I would not find out? You two have always been sloppy in covering your tracks, even as children! I had to always come and clean up after you both! What makes you think that now is any different? You still need me to clean up your messes. Tell me, Inuyasha…have you made up your mind between what you want, the right thing, and the honorable thing, or are you going to make her wait longer for you?”

“Why are we even talking about this? We were talking about what you lied about! Damnit Kaede…anything I did was innocent compared to what you have done!”

“No…you are just as guilty in this as I am. You think that I betrayed you, when in reality, the only one who betrayed someone was you.”

“I did not betray you with my body! You might have!”

“But I never did!”

“Then the baby was a lie?”

“Yes!”

The room became deathly silent as both took in what Kaede had admitted to. There was never a child in her womb. She had never miscarried. Everything was one giant fabrication for reasons he did not understand. It did not matter. All he needed to understand was that he had been lied to, and lied to about something as important as the existence of another littler person’s life.

“Inuyasha…I—”

“All I want to know is why,” his soft voice interrupted, hurting her more than a thousand knives going straight through her heart. “Why did you do it?”

“You are going to leave me. I know that you are…and I do not want you to go.”

“Do you really except me to stay after all of this?”

Honestly? She did not. The second this conversation ended, she knew that he was going to walk out that door, and he would never be hers again.

“That was before this. Inuyasha, you have been acting so different over the last month, and you would not talk to me about it. The day I was sick? It was not from a miscarriage. It was a lie. I was fine. I just needed to know what was going on with you, so I followed you. I stayed outside of the stables all day, and saw Kagome come. I overheard everything, Inuyasha. I know what was haunting you for the last month, and I know that in the end, you are going to pick her. That is why I was crying that day. Because I knew that I had lost you, if I ever even really had you. In the end, I knew that you would pick her, or you would stay with me because you felt obligated to. I did not want you to feel obligated to me.”

“And what do you think telling me you had a miscarriage would do? Make me want to stay out of love, or obligation?”

“I was not thinking when I said that! All I wanted was for you to stay, and that came out! You said you wanted to fix it, and you staying is the only way you can! Could I tell you that though? No. I could not. So instead, that came out.”

“So you lied to me…faked the death of a child…all so that I would stay with you?”

“I am sorry, Inuyasha,” she sobbed, her eyes red and puffy and her face swollen. “I am so, so, so sorry. I just do not want to let you go. I need you, Inuyasha. Please…I am begging you…do not choose her. Please…please stay. Please stay with me. Your fiancé. Please….stay with me.”

She looked so pitiful with her red and wet face. Her trembling lip. Her sad and terrified eyes. He almost felt sorry for her.

Almost.

“I am sorry Kaede, but I cannot.”

His words were final and they both knew it. They both knew that even though Kaede flung herself across the room and onto the floor, wrapping her arms around his waist and holding on, it would change nothing. All of her sobbing and begging would not change anything.  It was a saddening, really. Kaede…the Kaede he had loved would never do this.

“You need to let me go, Kaede.”

He had meant it in more ways than one, and it was not lost on the sobbing woman.

“No…please…please…”

“Let go of me, Kaede.”

“No,” she moaned through her trembles.

“Kaede, if you love me as much as you say you do…let me go.”

She released him.

He never looked back.



“Your Majesty,” Koga bowed down.

“Rise, Koga. Why is it that you have asked for a privet audience at this time of night? I am rather tired, and would prefer brevity rather than formalities. Speak your mind, boy.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty. I wished to speak with you in regards to your daughter and certain recent…actives,” the man drawled, examining his finger nails as though they were more important than the leader of the country.

“Koga, I have already told you that I do not wish to beat around the bush, especially when it concerns my daughter.”

“Of course. I just felt that it is time for us to stop delaying our inevitable engagement in light of her recent behavior.”

The King inwardly groaned. This again. Over the last two years, Koga had been finding minor flaws in his daughter in hopes of using them as a bartering tool to hasten his courtship to the level of engagement. He had yet to provide anything note worthy, and he was hesitant to simply hand his daughter over to the boy. He might have been close to Koga’s father but that did not automatically reward him with his daughter’s hand just because he wanted it. He still needed to see something to prove that he was not only capable of being a good leader and heir to the throne, but also a loving and doting husband to his little girl.

“And what kind of behavior might this be?”

“Only something that would prove rather scandalous should someone other than myself find out. It is just a good thing that I am courting her and willing to over look this behavior.”

“Koga, my patience is wearing thin. What has she done?”

“You remember that boy…oh what is his name…Inuyasha. That is it.”

“I do recall hearing his name in the past,” he remembered him quite well, actually. Tashio’s son had made a good impression on him at first and had originally proved himself a worthy friend to his daughter despite his status. That changed however after the two of them spent the night together when she was fifteen. It was rather saddening, actually. He had once had high hopes for the boy. “I believe he recently started to work in the stables again. This concerns him?”

“Oh…very much so. You see, I have seen him, with my own eyes, run off into the forest with Kagome for hours on end.”

“What?”

No…this could not be. Kagome was not really that stupid, was she?

“And not only have I seen them run off into the woods together, but I have also seen what they do there. I think that you might find this part of extreme interest. You see…there is a pond in the forest that they are rather found of, and it is summer.”

Koga was thoroughly enjoying the way the King’s face paled with each word. He knew that he had trapped the ruler once and for all. Soon, he would be engaged to Kagome, and in a few months time, he would be sinking into her sweet little body and taking up his rightful place as next in line to the throne. It would be a beautiful reality soon enough…but he would need to do something about that willful personality of hers…

“I have seen her strip down to just her undergarments in his presence,” he continued. “He often helps her, actually, and then he does the same. They will both jump into the water and frolic around like two dogs in heat. And when they are done with that, they lay in each others’ arms, kissing and holding each other. I think that this is far from the behavior a grown woman of her stature should be partaking in, would you not agree?”

He was trapped, and he knew that Koga was pulling a bold move. He was attempting to blackmail him into giving up his daughter, and to name him the heir. The worst part about all of this was that for once, the bastard was going to get his way.

“I do, but I would like my daughter to confirm these accusations herself, Koga. I think that we shall continue this in the morning.”

“As you wish, Your Majesty. I trust that you will entertain this thought though before we adjourn. I think that we need to put a stop to Kagome’s behavior before anyone else should find out. It would be a shame if people started to think of her as a loose woman. She should be forbidden from seeing this Inuyasha from now on. Furthermore, I would like you to consider our engagement, and a brief one at that. Everyone loves a fall wedding, or so I have heard. The leaves are beautiful then, after all.”

“I will take it into consideration,” the King ground out.

“Wonderful! I will see you and my darling Kagome in the morning then. Bright and early, I hope?”

“It will be our first order of business.”

“Excellent! I will take my leave now then, if you do not mind.”

Koga did not even wait to be dismissed. He officially had him right where he wanted him. Now all he needed was to be patient. Everything was working out just as he had planned. Soon…very soon…Kagome would be his.



He did not know where else to go. It was almost like that first night after being kicked out of the program all over again. He had lost his home, and he had no place to belong. It was the same now as it had been then…only this time he had left willingly. Kaede had been his home for the last two years, and now that he had left her, he did not know where to go. All of his stuff was still with her, for they had been sharing a room together for the past two months.

Now, he did not know where to go. He could always go to the stables, but he did not find that all that appealing. Instead, he found himself standing outside of Kagome’s bedroom. He did not plan on spending the night. The last time that happened, it had been the catalyst for the downward spiral his life had taken. He only wanted her help this time. She could maybe find him a room or let him borrow a horse to get to an inn…something. Anything she could do for him, he would be more than grateful for.

Tentatively, he raised his hand and knocked on the hard mahogany wood. He hoped that he was not rousing her…but he sincerely doubted that she would be asleep now, maybe getting ready for sleep, but not asleep yet. The images of her getting ready for bed ran through his mind against his will, yet he did not really try and stop them. Kagome slowly taking off her heavy dress and letting her hair down…her corset slowly being taken off…

Her door was suddenly jerked open, pulling him away from the start of his rather active imagination before it could take a turn for the more salacious. A perturbed maid greeted him, clearly not happy with whatever he had just interrupted.

“What do you want,” she ground out, her eyes narrowed into dangerous points. Unless he had done something to Kagome as well, he was not aware of what this maid could possibly be angered by. Unless…unless she was Kaede’s replacement for the night. That was not a good sign.

“I am here to see Kagome. She is here, is she not?”

She gave him a sharp nod, pursing her lips together, but made no move to summon the Princess.

“Might I see her?”

“I will go and ask My Lady if she wishes to see you,” the woman snarled before slamming the door in his face.

He could only wonder what Kaede had said to her…

Moments later, the same smiling face opened the door and allowed him entrance. She brought him into her room and led him over to the desk where Kagome was brushing her long black hair, already in her night clothing.

“Inuyasha,” she smiled, running her brush through her hair a few more times before putting it down and dismissing her maid. Once they were alone, she stood up and leapt to him, pulling him into a crushing embrace that he was all too happy to return. He loved the way she clung to him, almost as if without him, she would have no anchor on reality. How she could tell him how much she loved and needed him all in one simple action.

This was just what he needed.

He needed to feel like he was needed and wanted by her. He needed Kagome. He needed her love and her embraces.

He breathed in her scent and sighed. He swore that in her arms, you could find heaven. Kagome was his own personal angle, he was sure of it.

Eventually, she loosened her hold on him and pulled away to look at his face. She must have seen something in his expression that she did not like, for she furrowed her brow and took his face in her hands, cradling it delicately.

“Inuyasha…what is wrong? You look pained, and you never come here at night.”

He sighed and took her dainty hands in his.

“I would rather not talk about it tonight, Kagome.”

“It involves Kaede. I can tell,” she frowned. “She did not come tonight. She sent someone else in her place. Kaede has never done that before.”

“Ah…so that is why you had little miss sunshine in here. I swear, if looks could kill, I would have been dead the second I knocked on your door.”

She giggled. God he loved her giggles and laughs. He had been so foolish to really think that he could be happy with anyone else in his life. No one could take Kagome’s place. He saw that now. It might have taken all of this, but he swore that he would never get married if he could not be with Kagome…but now was not the time for all of this. They had tomorrow to talk about it, and right now he just wanted some security and a place to call his for the night.

“Never…I would not let her kill you. I do not know what I would do if you were to die, Yash.”

He did not know how she managed to do it, but somehow…somehow she always managed to find a way to make his heart skip a beat.

“And I, you.”

She stood up on her tip toes and pressed her lips to his cheek in a gentle, chaste kiss.

“Kagome,” he whispered softly, his gaze darkening slightly as he braced himself for what he was about to do. He did not truly want to ask for her help, but he knew that he needed it. It was that, or become much more closely acquainted with Ash than he would like.

“Kagome, while I do not want to talk about what has happened with Kaede and me, I cannot go back to our room tonight. That being said, I also do not know where I can go…”

The smaller woman made a noise of understanding and tilted her head in thought. “I would say that you could go to your old room, but I do not think that it is unoccupied. You could always stay here, you know…it was just a suggestion, never mind!” she blushed at his bewildered look.

“It…it is not that I do not want to be here, Kagome…it is just that the last time we spent the night together in the same room…”

“I know. I understand, Inuyasha. I do,” she tried to dismiss it, but he saw in her eyes that she really wanted him there that night. He wanted to be there too. Badly. But he knew that it was not right, nor was it a good idea.

“I think I know of a place, actually. At least for the night if nothing else.”

He nodded and waited for her to put on a robe before taking his hand and leading him out of her room and to the other end of the hall.

“This is normally reserved for guests, but I do not care. You are more important to me than any foreign diplomat.”

He sighed in relief and took her in his arms, holding her to him like she was the most delicate porcelain doll in the whole world. She sighed, and he felt her hands soothing his back as she rubbed it in giant circles. She knew he loved it when she did that. It was always an undoing for him and helped to turn him into a giant puddle of boneless goo. Why was he always putty in her arms? He pulled back from her after a few more moments of enjoying her attentions, and allowed her to lead him into the room.

“I will have someone locate a permanent room for you tomorrow. I will ask miss sour puss. I think that she would enjoy doing that.”

He laughed at that. “Oh yes…I am sure that she would love finding me a room.”

She shook her head and made her way over to the door.

“Good night, Inuyasha. I will see you tomorrow, yes?”

“Of course. Sweet dreams, Kagome.”

She never knew that when she left him that night, the next time she saw him, everything would be different.

The next day, the maid that had taken Kaede’s place roused her earlier than usual and dressed her for a meeting with her father. When Kagome pressed the girl as to why her father wanted her, she received nothing. All the maid knew was that it was imperative that she go to her father as soon as possible. This set an uneasy feeling in her stomach. Her father never wanted to see her this early in the day without informing her for it the night before.

Something must have happened, but for the life of her, she had no idea what.

Her maid brought her to the room she was to meet her father in, and she felt her uneasiness grow. She did not want to go in, even though she had no choice. There was just something about this entire situation that made her feel like something in her life was about to drastically change.

Slowly, she raised her hands to the doorknobs and turned them, opening the doors and entering the room. Her trepidation only seemed to increase when the first person she saw was not her father, but rather Koga. Her father was there too, and behind his emotionless mask, she could see a barrage of emotions running rampant in his eyes. Sadness, fear, and disappointment were just a few that she could discern.

She made her way towards the pair and waited for them to begin. It was her father who spoke first.

“Kagome…Koga came to me last night with some interesting…accusations.”

“What kind of accusations, father?”

“Have you been running off into the woods with Inuyasha?”

He did not need a verbal confirmation. He knew his daughter, and he knew that Koga had been telling the truth the second he saw her reaction. He sighed and turned to Koga, giving him a nod. That nod…it made her blood run cold.

Koga stepped forward and took her hands in his, grinning down at her.

“Kagome, I have courted you for the last two years, and enough is enough. I love you with all my heart, which is why,” he paused, getting down on one knee and presenting an elaborate ring, “it would be my honor to call you my wife. Kagome, my darling, will you marry me?”

Was he asking her to marry him, or had this been decided for her. Something told her that it had been decided for her.

“Koga…I…this is so sudden…I do not know what to say…”

A blatant lie. She knew exactly what to say, and it started with a ‘no’, and ended with ‘way in hell’.

“Then say yes, my darling. You will be just as happy with me as your husband as you are with me now.”

“I…I cannot, Koga. No, I will not.”

The man’s eyes narrowed into dangerous points as he stood and glared at her father, his ruddy face reddening even more out of clear anger.

“Leave us, Koga. I need to have a word with my daughter,” the King dismissed and the man stomped out of the room like a spoiled two year old who did not get his way. Once the doors had slammed shut, the King began what he knew was going to be a very difficult conversation.

“Kagome…you will marry Koga. You have no choice in the matter.”

“Father, please…do not make me marry him. I do not love him.”

“Love does not matter. You will come to love him”

“I have already tried to love him. I have tried for the past two years since you started our courtship. I cannot. I…I love someone else, and I always have.”

“Then do not love this other person.”

“How am I to do that? You cannot turn your heart on or off at will!”

“I do not care what you do, Kagome. Just see to it that it is done. We are going to have a masquerade next week in honor of your engagement to Koga. It has already been decided.”

“Decided without me. Of course. Why should we even think to consult me about my future?”

“You lost that right when you were unfaithful to Koga and ran off into the woods with Inuyasha!”

Kagome wrapped her arms around herself, trying to pretend that it was Inuyasha who was hugging her instead of herself. That it was Inuyasha lending her his support and strength against this, instead of bearing it alone. Alone…that is what she would be if she really had to marry Koga. Unless she could take Inuyasha as a lover on the side, but could she really do that to either him or herself? Would that really be enough? Would it have to be? Would he even agree to it? This was all something that she needed to discuss with him. Still, how did her father know about Inuyasha and herself?

“How did you know?”

“Koga. He has been keeping a close eye on you, and judging by your reactions, I would say that everything he has told me is true. Have you stripped down in his presence and gone swimming with him, Kagome?”

The way he spat that made her feel dirty. It almost felt like her own father was calling her a whore.

Still, she steeled herself and looked into his eyes. She was not ashamed of her time with Inuyasha. He made her feel beautiful and strong, and she held onto those feelings to face her father.

“I have.”

“And you have kissed him?”

“Yes.”

“And this is the man that you love?”

“With all my heart, Father. I can love no other like I love him…and he can love no other like he loves me.”

“Have you given him your innocence?”

“No,” she blushed as images of giving herself to Inuyasha flooded her mind.

“But should he ask you to, you would.” It was not a question. It was a statement, for they both knew the answer to his question.

“I would.”

“Then you are to see him no more.”

“I will not do that. I will marry Koga if I must, but I will not stop seeing Inuyasha, Father. I need him, and I will need him if you expect me to survive as Koga’s wife for the rest of my life.”

“Fine then.” His words calmed Kagome’s frantically beating heart. He would force her to marry Koga still, but he would not take Inuyasha away from her…or so that is what she believed for one blissfully perfect second. “If you will not stop seeing him, then I will just have him executed.”

“What?” Kagome chocked out. How could her own father be doing this to her! And to Inuyasha! He was a good man. He did not deserve this!

“I do not think that you appreciate the severity of your actions, Kagome. You never have where this boy is involved. He destroyed your reputation once. I will not allow it a second time. Koga knows of your unfaithfulness and your actives with him, and is willing to over look it. He has also offered his silence on two conditions, and you will heed them.”

“I do not care of my reputation! Let them think what they will!”

“Kagome! That is enough! You will marry Koga, and you will stop seeing this boy!”

“He will not let me go so easily. Not when he knows how much I love him.”

“Then tell him you do not.”

“I cannot…I will not lie to him,” she whispered, tears starting to gather at the corners of her eyes. “Not about this…not when he will see right through it.”

“Kagome, you are leaving me with no other choice. Tell him, or I will have him executed.”

There really was no other way out of this, was there? Kagome found it impossible to continue to support her weight and fell to her knees. She needed to let him go so that he could live. She needed to destroy him to keep him safe. Why had she been put into this situation? Why did Koga need to follow her? Damn him. Damn both of them.

“Please…Daddy,” she sobbed, reverting back to what she had once called her father as a young child. “Please…do not make me do this. Give me this one small happiness. Do not make me lose him. Please…Daddy, I am begging you. I will marry Koga, but let me keep him in my life. Let me keep Inuyasha. I need him. I need him so much… Please…”

The King closed his eyes, blocking out the heart wrenching image of his daughter begging for the life of the man she loved, and for the allowance to still see him. He did not want this anymore than she did, but there are necessary evils in life that everyone must face. He had tried to save his daughter from these evils for as long as possible, but he no longer could. The young man’s fate was up to her now.

“You may see him one more time to bid him good bye, Kagome. After that, you are to stay away from him. Forever. It has been decided.”

He left his sobbing daughter alone in the room to work herself out, wishing more than anything that he could comfort her and that it did not have to be like this for her.

He hated himself as much as she did, but he did this because he loved her more than anything else in the world. Life was not fair, and if you were of royal blood, sacrifices had to be made. He just wished that his daughter did not need to make this sacrifice.

He could only pray that one day…one day she would understand, and one day she would forgive him. He hoped that he would still be alive to see that day.



Inuyasha had spent most of the day thinking of how he was going to tell Kagome that he and Kaede were no more. He knew that she more than likely already knew this, but still…some things you cannot just assume. You need to hear it, straight from the horse’s mouth. He had thought that he might need more time to think about what he wanted now that they had split, but really, why would he need more time to think? He had been thinking for an entire month.

Ending things with Kaede…it was like a giant weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and in doing so, he now had a much clearer and more level head. He was able to listen to his heart. It surprised him, actually, how little time his heart really needed to get over Kaede. This was probably due to the fact that he had never really loved her, but this was beside the point. He now knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that the only one in his heart was Kagome.

He knew now that she was the only thing worth fighting for in his life.

He knew that he loved her, and he knew that he needed to tell her, and tell her that he would do whatever it took to call her his. Completely and entirely his.

That thought…if a man could be giddy, that thought made him giddy.

His Kagome.

God he loved the sound of that.

He sighed as he fed the horses fresh oats.

He really was a love struck fool, was he not? He had to have been wearing the biggest, goofiest smile right then, thinking of what it would be like to finally just say to hell with propriety and social standards. For once, he was going to go after what he really wanted, and everyone else be damned if they did not like it.

He glanced to a window and took in the suns position in the sky.

Kagome was much later today than usual.

He shrugged it off as her over sleeping. Again. That girl should have been born a cat with as much as she liked to sleep. Suddenly the thought of Kagome with giant cat ears, claws, and a fluffy tail entered his mind, and he just could not seem to get rid of it. It was utterly hilarious, and he found himself laughing at it.

He thought that she would actually make an adorable cat creature if one were to exist.

“What do you find so funny?”

Inuyasha turned around to find the object of his musings with her arms crossed under her bosom, and a raised eyebrow.

His resulting smile at seeing her there made her insides turn to goo. He was going to make this so hard, she could already tell, and she had not even broken him yet.

“Nothing that you should worry about, Kagome,” he consoled, taking her in his arms and resting his cheek on the top of her head for a moment before pulling away and kissing her forehead. He felt positively giddy and energetic and it was like he could see clearly for the first time in years. It was almost as if a burlap sack had been over his head for the longest time, and only just now had it been removed.

“Kagome, I have something I need to talk to you about.”

“I…I do as well, Yash.”

“Oh…well, would you like to go first?”

“No!” she said quickly, causing him to raise his brow at her. “I mean…you said something first. I think that it is only right if you go first.”

“Are you sure? I can wait a few moments.”

“No, go ahead.”

“Alright,” he chuckled. She seemed nervous today, but he chalked it up to her somehow knowing that he had made his decision.

He led her over to their special bench and sat down. This bench…it had so many memories for them. This was where Kagome had proposed all those years ago, and now…as funny as it might sound, now on this same bench, he was going to do the same. He was going to accept, and propose right back to her. After telling her about Kaede, that is. He even had a ring for her. Well, not a ring per say, but it was a place holder until he could get a real one. One that she deserved. It was just a bunch of horse hair tied in a bow like ring, but he knew that she would over look what it was, and look to what it represented.

“Kagome, I—”

“Wait!” she interrupted.

“Alright…what is it?”

“I…before I forget…I just,” she swallowed the giant lump in her throat and pushed forward, “I just wanted to tell you that I found a room for you. It is not much…but it is something, and it is better than what you had when you were in the program. It is on the same floor as Kaede though, but it is three doors on the right from the stairs.”

“Oh Kagome…you are an angle, do you know that? A beautiful, wonderful, loving, kind angle.”

Why did he have to say those things? Why did he have to make this so hard?

She just smiled as best she could, and prodded him to continue.

“Last night I was not able to…or did not feel that it was right, rather, to tell you about what happened between Kaede and me.”

As he said this, she could not help but somehow pray that they had stayed together, even though she had more than enough evidence to tell her otherwise.

“After we spoke in the garden, I confronted her. There was something that…just did not add up about her pregnancy, and she admitted to fabricating the whole thing, including her miscarriage. I left her on the spot. She said that she had done it because she knew what was going on between us, and she did not want to lose me, but…I think that in reality, she already knew that she had. I am not necessarily proud of how I left things with her, but I know now that it needed to be done. Our relationship…from my end, at least…was just one big farce. I know that now. I…I have a clear head now Kagome. I know what I want.”

She suddenly did not like where this was going. Had all of this happened yesterday, she was sure that right now her heart would be pounding with joy rather than sorrow.

He paused for a moment, and his hands started to fidget. She wanted so badly to take them in her hands and give him a look that said that she understood. A look that told him that it was going to be alright.

It would be a lie.

“It seems like almost yesterday that we were in this same room, on this same bench, talking about how we had to change the day of your thirteenth birthday. You remember it as clearly as I do, do you not?”

“I do,” she whispered, and it was true. She remembered everything about that day, and she wished that she could go back to that day.

“I…I still remember hearing you say that you did not want to get married to some forty year old virgin who would treat you like a baby machine. I remember asking you who you would marry then, if you could choose someone. Instead of giving me a name right away, do you remember what you did?”

“I listed qualities.”

“You listed qualities,” he nodded. “They had to value you. They needed to be close to your age. They needed to be very, very, very handsome...and I do believe that you said all three verys were necessary. And last but not least, you said that they needed to be your friend.”

Oh God…it was coming. There was no other reason to bring this up if he were not going to really and truly propose to her.

“Kagome…I have spent the last two years running, and I am done. I have been running from how I felt, how I knew you felt, and I have been running because I thought that it was the right thing to do. I thought that if I cherished you as much as I did, I would not tarnish your reputation. I let society tell me what was right. I let propriety get in the way of what I knew to be true…but if it were not for that time away, I would have never seen that. If it were not for coming back, and seeing you again, I would have never known what I was going to let slip through the cracks between my fingers, because I have always had you. I have had a bag over my head all these years, and I never knew it till now. I can see clearly, Kagome, for the first time in my life. You knew it long before I was willing to see it though, and you did something long before I was man enough to admit it. You proposed to me. Right here, in the same spot we are sitting in now.”

Here it was…here was the big moment that he had been leading up to. He just needed to take a deep breath and just push forward.

“I value you, Kagome. Even though my actions do not always seem like I am doing what is best for you, I always have you in my heart when I do them. Leaving…leaving was how I tried to protect you from me. I felt that I was bad for you, but I was all wrong. I value you, Kagome. I more than value you…I cherish you. I am close to your age. I am only two years your senior, but I am no forty year old virgin, and I am no pubescent male. I…I like to think that I am at least somewhat attractive. I might not cover all three of your verys, but I like to think that I at least am worthy of one. I am your friend, Kagome. Not just any friend, but you have told me so many times over the years that I am your best friend…and I might not say it enough, but you are mine. You are the person I always turn to with every little problem that I have. I confide in you. I share my triumphs and failures with you. With you…I have found home.

That day when you proposed to me, I was in shock. I never thought you meant it, but as time went on I saw that you did. I never gave you an answer, though. I have probably made you wait the longest anyone has ever had to wait for an answer, but I am giving it to you now. Yes, Kagome. I want to be your husband, and I would be honored to be called that. It would be a privilege to call you my wife…but since so much time has passed, I feel like the question must be renewed.”

Inuyasha got off from the bench and kneeled down before Kagome, digging through his pants pocket and producing the horse hair ring.

“This might not be much…and I am sorry for that…but this will just be a place holder, I promise. I will find you a much better ring. A ring that you deserve, because even though you are the nation’s princess, you are my princess. My angle. You are what keeps me grounded. You are the reason I get up in the morning. I find your name on my lips when I rise, and when I sleep. I know that I am not much, Kagome…but that has never bothered you before. Kagome, I love you. I love you more than life itself, and that is why I am asking you to marry me. I am asking you to do me the honor of being my bride and wife, and there would be no greater honor in the world than to call you my own. So, Kagome…will you marry me?”

Yes. She wanted to say yes so much, with all of her heart. His proposal had been beautiful and sweet and meaningful. It was so much better than Koga’s, right down to the horse hair ring. Not only did his proposal mean more to Koga’s and show more of who he was, but it had also been the first time Inuyasha had said he loved her, He had implied it many times before, but the words had never left his lips.

Yes. That is what she wanted to say…

“I…I am sorry, Inuyasha, but I cannot accept, nor do I want you to.”

Kagome watched his face change from nervous excitement to misunderstanding to denial to sadness to heartbreak.

“I do not understand, Kagome,” he whispered, rising from his kneeling position to a standing one, turning around to try and compose himself and ward off the pricking sensation of tears at the corners of his eyes. He kept replaying what he had said to her over and over again. What did he say that had made her want to say no? Or was it the stupid horse hair ring. Damnit, he knew he should have waited until he could afford a real one instead of this…this stupid piece of…of nonsense! What was he thinking?

“What is there to not understand, Inuyasha? I do not want to be your bride. I thought that I had made that clear.”

“But why?” he cried out, whirling around to face her, hands clenched and knuckles white. “Was it something that I said? Was it the ring?”

“It was neither.”

“Then why? Over this last month you have been telling me that you wanted to fight for us and that…that you wanted this. If it was not what I said or the ring, then what has made you change your mind?”

“I did some thinking after I saw you last night. Some real soul searching, and what I found was that I no longer love you, if I ever did. That is why I came here today. I wanted to tell you that I do not love you, and I never have. I was just…delusional and rebellious. I am sorry that I led you to believe otherwise and that I could have feelings for someone like you…but…but given light of what just happened, I think it best if we were to never see each other again. Even as friends.”

She did not know how she had managed to say this with a relative straight face, but the look on his told her that even with her impassiveness, he did not believe her.

“Is this what you truly want, Kagome?”

No. What she wanted was him. What she wanted was to have that horse hair ring around her finger. She wanted to be in his arms, clinging to him as she pressed kisses all over his face and lips.

“Yes.”

He nodded and a tear escaped the corner of his eye. He reached up to wipe it away, and closed his eyes for a few moments. She should have left then, but she could not. This was the last time she was ever going to see him. She hated her father and Koga so much right now. They were the ones at fault for making him feel this way. They were the ones forcing her to say good bye to the only man she knew she would ever love.

She rose from the bench, and reached up to cup his face, wiping away another tear that had fallen.

“I am so sorry, Inuyasha. You cannot begin to fathom how much I wish all of this were not so. You will always be special to me, no matter what.”

Staring into his reddened eyes was the hardest thing she had ever done. Whispering good bye was the next hardest thing. She turned to leave him and started to walk away, only to be halted by the hand darting out and grabbing a hold of her wrist. She felt herself being spun around, and lips crashed onto hers.

He was rough and demanding, forcing her into submission, and even though she knew that she should resist, she honestly could not summon the want or the effort to push him away. This was their good bye, and she needed this as much as he did. She needed to feel the bruising pressure of his lips slammed into hers. She needed to feel the desperation as he sought out her tongue and proved his domination. She needed to feel him pouring every ounce of himself into this one action, one last time. She needed to feel the love he felt for her with every turn of his head, every slight movement of his lips. She needed to know that he would always love her, and in turn, she gave that back to him. She could only say with this one last action what she truly wanted. That she did want him. That she would always love him. That she was doing this for his own good.

The kiss turned less desperate, and more passionate as he felt her pouring her love back into him. He felt the barest flicker of hope well up in his chest. When she kissed him back, he could tell for sure that there was something wrong with everything that she had just said. That she did not want to say it, but still needed to. He knew that she loved him. She would not nibble on his lip if she did not. She would not duel with him as she did if she did not. She would not be clinging desperately to his shirt if she did not. She would not be trying to pull him in if she hated him like she said she did.

They broke away, gasping for air and Kagome felt him rest his head on her shoulder, his hot breath fanning over her skin. They stayed like that for a moment longer until he felt Kagome start to pull away from him. This time though…this time he let her go. He watched as she shakily made her way to the entrance, and just before she walked away from him forever, he spoke.

“I do not why you feel you need to say this to me, Kagome, but I know that you are lying…and I will find out why.”

She turned pleading eyes on him, letting her mask fall and silently begging him not to. He could see now more than ever that there was something wrong, but he could also see that the little charade she had put on moments ago had not only been a lie, but a warning. She had tried to break his heart on purpose, and he swore that he would find out why. He would not be able to let her go until he did.

Kagome ran then, heartbroken and sobbing into the garden. Her instructions had been specific. Destroy Inuyasha, then go to the garden to meet Koga. There, she was to beg him for forgiveness, and accept his proposal.

It was not long before she found him, and dried her eyes before approaching him.

She did as she was asked. She begged him for forgiveness, and he accepted. She told him that she wanted to be his bride. That her mind had been clouded earlier, and nothing would bring her greater pleasure in the world. He slipped his ring on her finger, and all she could think of was that she wished it were made of horse hair.





A/N: *dun own lyric. See other chapter for who does.
Hey y’all!!  Sooooooooooo…my sister is pregnant…soooo…if I die off for lil bit, it’s cause she might be moving here. In theory, no one should know about this…but I have a big mouth. I’m quite literally tellin the world, LOL!! That helped make this update a bit slower. That, and it’s been hard writing the next chapter. I’m officially closing up the loop, and it’s hard to connect the two pieces.  I have NO idea when the next chapter will be up, but hopefully soon!!
I know. Koga’s a bastard. But this is why she was trying to get RID of Inu at the beginning of the story. And, at long last, Kaede if outta the picture!! YAY!!! I also personally think that guys should ask me to write their proposals, but that’s just me ;)
Anyways….thanks to all who read, and a special thanks to everyone who reviewed!!! You guys rock and are the reason I keep going :).
Now, the AR’s!!





To: Mokiedokie

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Well, I tried to take care of THAT lil issue as soon as I could. I didn’t wanna drag It out more than needed, which can be a tendency of mine. I just had it in there to keep the possibility of something else open later on. Inuyasha DID try and get Kag back…but…well… Oh Koga…you silly silly little bastard. You just NEED to black mail people, don’t you? Hahahahaha….fear naught!!! No more chapter revisions for a while!! Right now, I will be lucky to manage this and College, let alone go back in and redo parts.  Don’t Worry!! The chalanging will come soon!!! I have not written it yet, but please understand that connecting the two parts is a LOT harder than it sounds…but that SHOULD be the next chapter!!! As always, thank you so much for reading and reviewing!!!



To: SplendentGoddess

Well...this last chapter helped clear up the Kaede issue to a certain extent. It might not have been done as seamlessly as I would have liked, but I wanted to keep a window open for something later if I choose to take a certain path. I still haven’t decided upon which ending I want, but I needed to keep her around for option 1. This last chapter also was the something major that changed Kagome’s mind. She would LOVE to fight for him still…but she would also love it if he were alive. The next chapter, in addition to finally coming full circle, should show a bit more of Kagome’s internal dilemma too as she thinks of ways that they can still find a way back to each other. She herself is struggling with what to do, because right off the bat, in order to save him, she has to damn him, in a sense. You will just have to see what happens in the next chapter. Hahahaha…I still need to see what happens in the next chapter!! I remember that!! I poked my head in on it one day and was confused as anything else to see what was going on! I talked to my sister about it since she’s the computer God in the family…but I wish things would go back to the good ol days :(. I’m taking a computer class right now which actually taught me some pretty sweet stuff about word that I never knew about, so maaaaaaaaaybe I can use this new found knowledge on MM for posting. Time will tell… Hopefully  it will be fixed LONG before I want to start a new story… Thank you for reading and reviewing!! As always, it truly means a lot, and I hope that you will continue to do so!!



To: ahh!! (1&2)

LOL!!!! I do what I can ;). Hahahahahaha….I know…I think no one really likes her in this story, but such is life, no? I honestly have NO idea how long it will be. I’m not even sure I can give a rough estimate. I just know that I have certain events that I need to take care of. I would say…maybe like…5?? Not swearing by it though. That might get use like…half way through what he has to do…but that’s the best I can do… Thanks for reading and reviewing, and I hope that you will continue to do so!!!



To: WyckedFrankie

Hahahahahaha….at long last, I know!! I have been bad…bad lil6ter…bad!! I actually had never thought of killing off Kaede…but now that you mention it…hmmm…oh the possibilities… That could be fun…lots of fun indeed. I took care of the whole Kaede problem this chapter, but I will keep the killing idea in the back of my mind for later on. Hey…I already know I’m killing someone off. I can add someone else to the list… Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!! I hope that you liked this last chapter, and I hope that you will continue to do so in the future.



Of course I remember you!! The book is…coming…I have a LOT of edits that I need to do, and I work on it when I can. Right now I just need space from it. I have read it so many times that I just….blarg. Yeah…hahahaha!! I chose Kaede instead of Kikyo because 1: she is someone COMPLETELY and totally different, and thus, unexpected. 2: I have plans for Kikyo later on…but we have a ways to go until we get to her. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii would say that this next chapter FINALLY connects the two, and then we have the REAL plot that we need to get into. Hahahaha…sound familiar? Pretty sure I kept saying that about WR all the time too. Anyways…Thanks for reading and reviewing!!! I hope that you will continue to enjoy the rest of the story, and hold on for the bumpy ride!!!

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