InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ You Don't Embarrass Me ❯ InuYasha's POV ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Dreamer6164 
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 05.27.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 4.8K | Visits: 1.4K | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 05.27.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 4.8K | Visits: 1.4K | Status: Completed
YOU DON’T EMBARRASS ME
After numerous complaints, I finally let my comrades rest. We had been walking for at least half the day and I had been expecting Kagome to ask for a break soon, but I wanted to be stubborn and make them walk a little longer.
As I relax against a tree, I pick up the scent of ramen. I look over in the direction it is drifting from and see Kagome putting it over the instant fire that she brought back from her time.
I will say one thing about that time of hers, some of the things she brings back are convenient. Not that I’d tell her that. No, she’d probably use it to her advantage and want to go back more.
She goes back too much as it is. If she stayed here longer than we’d be able to find more jewel shards. I mean, if it wasn’t for her the jewel would still be whole. She should just stay here until it’s complete again and then she could go back anytime she wanted, but apparently those tests of hers are more important.
I’m pulled from my thoughts as I watch Kagome get up and walk toward me carrying two cups of ramen. She smiles at me and hands me a cup before sitting down next to me.
I immediately dig into my food as she picks at hers. I am so caught up in my food that I don’t notice she’s watching me until she starts laughing.
I look over at her with a confused expression on my face and ask, “What’s so funny?” only it came out more like “Wha o unny?”
She calms herself down and smiles. “You’re such a messy eater.” she says to me and before I can react she pulls a handkerchief out of her pocket and starts whipping noodles and broth off my face.
I knew my face had to be bright red. I don’t know what to do. So I do the first thing that comes to my mind. I grab her hand. She lets a gasp escape her lips as her expression changes to surprise.
I don’t do anything for a couple of seconds. Just stare into her chocolate brown eyes. It isn’t until a slapping sound followed by a “Pervert!” that I am pulled out of my gaze. I instantly drop her hand with a “Feh.” and look over at the monk and demon slayer.
Miroku’s now got a fresh red hand print on the left side of his face and Sango gets up and walks away cursing under her breath. The monk will never learn and I can’t help but agree with Shippo as he mutters, “Idiot.” to himself.
I look back over at Kagome who’s now smiling at Shippo as he starts to play tag with Kirara. I thought the silence would be awkward, but I actually enjoy just being in her presence. It is weird for me to feel this way. Especially with Kagome, and what unnerves me the most is that this isn’t the first time I have felt this way around her. I’m not suppose to feel like this around her. I have a promise to Kikyo and I have to keep my word.
My relationship with Kagome isn’t an easy one to explain. Hell, I am part of it and I don’t even know what is going on. I know I feel something for her. Friendship is a given, but is it more than just friendship? I don’t know.
“InuYasha?” I hear her ask. I twitch my ear to show that I’m listening. “I think we should start setting up camp. It’s getting pretty late.”
I snap my head over to look at her faster than she could blink an eye. “What?” I say, outraged that she would even suggest that. “How do you expect us to find any jewel shards if we’re always setting up camp?” I know for a fact that we don’t always stop and we have traveled far today, but my pride won’t let me agree with her.
I watch as an annoyed look pops onto her face. “The sun is setting InuYasha! We should start setting up before it’s too dark to see!” she says her voice quivering right below anger. “Besides, we’ve been walking most of the day. We’re tired.”
“Feh.” I reply. I am so tired of hearing that excuse! When were they not tired? That’s what I’d like to know. “You humans are really ticking me off. Always wanting to rest.”
As I cross my arms over my chest, I see her eyebrow twitch. That’s when I know I am going to get it.
Before I have time to react, the dreaded words leave her mouth. “Sit boy!” she yelled as I plummet into the ground. As I eat the dirt, I hear her get up and storm away.
Figures. How I hate that old hag for giving her this power over me. I see how I might have needed it when we first met, but now? What does she think I am going to do? Make off with the jewel shards in the middle of the night? Slit their throats while they sleep? Does she really not trust me?
Maybe she just likes watching me slam into the earth? At that thought my blood boils. I pick myself up off the ground and follow her scent into the forest. I’ll teach her for sitting me for the hell of it!
When I get her in my sights, a fresh scent of salt greets my nose. Great. She’s crying. Just what I don’t need.
How I hate it when she cries. Especially when it’s my fault. This being one of those times.
I walk up behind her and sit on the ground next to her. She ignores my presence at first until my temper gets the better of me. “Stop crying, wench!”
She shoots me a glare, making me regret what I said. She has a way with doing that. Making me feel emotions that I don’t normally feel unless it’s a new moon and I’m in my pathetic human form.
Luckily, that’s not for awhile though.
“Come on, it’s getting dark.” I tell her, but she makes no attempt to move. When she sniffles, I let a low growl out. I stand up and then pull Kagome to her feet as well.
“InuYasha! What are you doing?” she asks and that’s when I noticed that her eyes were red and puffy from crying.
The sight makes my heart wrench. So, not wanting to see it anymore, I pull her into an embrace.
I feel her body go rigid. She’s shocked. Hell, I’ve even shocked myself. I can’t . . . I can’t possibly have stronger feelings than friendship for Kagome, can I? I do care about her, but . . . what about Kikyo? I love Kikyo, don’t I?
Agh! This is giving me a headache! I don’t like thinking about this. It always comes back to the promise I made to Kikyo. I can’t break it. No matter how much I care about Kagome.
“InuYasha? Are you okay?” I hear her ask as she relaxes in my hold and I feel something that I haven’t felt since before I was pinned to the sacred tree.
My heart skips a beat.
I have no idea why that just happened. All I’m doing is comforting her and it’s not like I haven’t done that before, but there’s something about the way she relaxed in my arms. Something that I can’t explain.
I sigh as I push all the thoughts to the back of my mind. It’s too complicated to think about that right now.
I can still smell her tears and all I want is for her is to stop. “Please stop crying, Kagome.” I tell her as I tighten my grip on her waist.
Then she does something that shocks me. She puts her face in the curve of my neck and nods. I gulp slowly, praying that she doesn’t notice.
“I’m sorry I got so upset over nothing.” she apologies as she grips the front of my shirt.
I think this is what contentment must feel like. I’m not entirely sure. It is a rare feeling for me.
I lay my head on top of hers and breathe in her scent, which still amazes me. How can one human smell so good? And not only does her scent smell good, it gives me the strength I need when I’m fighting. I don’t know why her scent effects me this much, but it does. The funny thing about it is, I like her scent and I like the way it effects me.
I’m suddenly snapped from my thoughts when I pick up her scent.
I pull out of our embrace a little and look toward the bushes, where I knew Kikyo was watching.
I hear Kagome ask what’s wrong, but I don’t answer and continue staring at the brush.
I guess she knows I know she’s there because she emerges from her hiding spot and walks toward us.
When I hear Kagome gasp I immediately pull away from her with my face beet red. Why do I always get myself into these situations? Usually I’m with Kikyo and Kagome’s watching, not the other way around. I’m not sure if this is worse or not.
When Kikyo is in front of us, she looks from me over to Kagome then back at me. The first wave of guilt hits me when I see a hurt look in her usually cold eyes.
I hate this feeling. This helplessness. I can’t comfort Kikyo because then Kagome would be hurt, but not comforting her hurts her even more.
I’m at a loss so I do the one thing I’m able to do. I say her name in a pleading voice.
Before Kikyo can say anything, Kagome beats her to it. “Listen Kikyo, before you jump to conclusions--”
Kikyo cuts Kagome off by saying, “I do not wish to hear what you have to say.” Her eyes still hold a hurt look and yet another wave of guilt washes over me.
Kagome looks taken aback as Kikyo gives her a hard glare. Kagome starts fiddling with her skirt and I watch Kikyo scowl at the action.
“I would have thought you would have started wearing decent clothing by now.” she says to Kagome and I furrow my brow at her. “It’s embarrassing, is it not InuYasha?”
They both look over at me and I stand as still as a statue. I make no comment as I watch Kagome’s eyes fill with pain. This is the worst situation I’ve ever been in. I would rather be off fighting a heard of demons by myself than here.
After a couple of seconds of silence, Kagome runs off and I can smell her tears. I feel like I just got punched in the gut. I want to run after her, but Kikyo’s presence convinces me to stay.
Kikyo looks over at me with emotionless eyes. I want to defend Kagome, but that would involve hurting Kikyo’s feelings even more. Why does my life have to be so complicated?
I look at Kikyo trying to find out what’s gotten into her when she says, “InuYasha, if that girl--”
“Look Kikyo, Kagome and I were just talking. She was upset and I was trying to comfort her.” I interrupt her. I don’t want her thinking that something is going on between Kagome and me because there’s not! We’re just friends. That’s it. End of story. I don’t care how many beats my heart skips around her there’s nothing going on!
Kikyo places her hand on my arm and I look into her cold brown eyes that were still filled with hurt. I can’t stand seeing her like this. I grab her hand that’s on my arm and hold it for a second before she pulls her hand away.
I stand there confused waiting for her to say something, but as soon as she does, I wish she hadn’t said anything at all.
“InuYasha,” she starts, her voice close to emotionless, “what were you feeling when you were holding Kagome?”
I hesitate, not knowing what to say. How can I tell Kikyo something I, myself, still don’t understand?
“Tell me, InuYasha.” she says, “If you care for me at all, you’ll tell me what you felt.” I stare at her as I try to sort out the many thoughts that are flowing through my head.
“I’m . . . I’m not sure.” I answer uncertainly. I don’t know why this is so important for her to know. I told her I was only comforting her and that’s what I was doing. “Why do you want to know anyway?”
Kikyo’s eyes bore into mine as she replies, “If you cannot tell me then I no longer need your protection.”
As she starts to leave, I feel myself start to panic. She can’t just leave. Not like this.
With as much speed as I can muster, I reach out and grab Kikyo by the wrist and pull her into my arms. I’m not about to let her walk away from this. We need to talk.
Kikyo struggles in my hold for a moment, trying to fight the strength of my arms, but her attempts only make my grip tighter.
With a sigh, she finally goes limp in my embrace and I wait for my heart to skip a beat like it had with Kagome or like it had when I had held Kikyo fifty years ago, but it never does.
“InuYasha,” I hear her say. “What do you feel when you hold me?”
It was a simple question. It should have been simple to answer as well . . . but it isn’t. How am I suppose to tell the woman I love that I don’t feel anything when I hold her? And that I feel more when I’m holding Kagome?
“Tell me, InuYasha.” she says firmly. I don’t know how to answer. I don’t want to break Kikyo’s heart, but I’m not even certain on how I feel about Kagome, if anything.
She stares patiently as I come to my conclusion. Which I know won’t satisfy her, but I can’t tell her that I feel absolutely nothing with her, which is exactly what I feel now. “I don’t know, Kikyo.” I respond.
She only looks surprised for half a second before her eyes feel with hate. “Don’t lie to me, InuYasha. I know you are feeling something. I can see it in your eyes.” she says and I am filled with guilt for lying to her. “The only feelings you are not certain of are what you feel for Kagome, am I correct?”
I am amazed that she can see my thoughts just by reading my eyes.
“Kikyo . . .” I start out not knowing where I’m going with this, but knowing that I can’t admit to what Kikyo suggests cause that would be admitting to feeling something for Kagome, and even though I feel something, maybe even something more than friendship, it doesn’t mean Kikyo has to find out about it. “There’s nothing going on between Kagome and me.”
To my utter shock, Kikyo starts to laugh. I am so surprised that I don’t realize she has managed to slip out of my embrace. “InuYasha, do you take me as a fool? I saw you two together. I can tell when something is going on just from the way you embraced her.” she says.
I don’t know what’s possessed me to do it, but I instantly grab her hand and look her dead in the eye. “Nothing is going on between me and Kagome.” I tell her. Nothing I can’t handle anyway, but I don’t say that out loud.
Kikyo decisively stares back at me. “Truly InuYasha?” she says before looking down at the ground. “Well if there‘s nothing going on between the two of you, then why do you keep avoiding my question?”
Which question? The one where she wants to know what I’m feeling when I’m holding Kagome or her? As if she can read my mind, Kikyo says, “How do you feel when you watch Kagome cry? And answer me honestly InuYasha.”
This question catches me off guard. When I saw Kagome crying, it felt like my heart was being ripped out, but . . . I couldn’t possibly be in love with Kagome . . . could I?
“InuYasha?” Kikyo asks, trying to coax me into answering her. I look into her eyes and I feel nothing. I recall all the times I’ve looked Kagome in the eye and just felt exultant. Then I suddenly realize. I am in love with Kagome. I love her so much that I’d rather sacrifice myself than let her be harmed.
I take a quick inhale of air and look Kikyo straight in the eye. Ready to answer her question. “I feel like I’m drowning. Like there’s nothing I can to do, but I’d do anything to see the surface again.”
Kikyo gives me a ghost of a smile as she looks down so all I can see is her bangs. “I thought so.” she whispers quietly.
“Kikyo, I never meant to hurt you, but . . . I lo--” I start to say, but she stops me.
“Please don’t.” she says as she looks back up at me. “I understand. I just hopes she knows how lucky she is to have you.”
Kikyo. She looks so dejected . . . and it’s all my fault.
“She did what I so longed to do when I was alive.” she continues to say.
I look at her curiously. “And what was that?”
I watch her lift her hands to my face. She gently places her hands on both sides on my face and looks me dead in the eye. “Heal your heart.” she whispers then she lets go of my face and turns around. “I must leave.”
“Kikyo wait.” I can’t help, but call out. I don’t want her hurting because of me.
“I no longer need your protection.” she says, “Good-bye, InuYasha.” Then she walks through the forest until she vanishes from my view.
After I’m sure Kikyo’s gone, I race back to camp. Hoping that It’s not to late to make up with Kagome. At first I don’t notice the stares I’m getting from the group, but I soon catch on when the silence continues. I look at them for a moment, but they’re not my first priority at the moment.
Kagome’s nowhere to be seen. I don’t even know if she made it back safely. “Where’s Kagome?” I ask trying to hide the slight panic in my voice.
“You just missed her. She asked for Kirara. Said she wanted to go home.” Shippo says and I feel relief take hold of my body and mind. At least she’s okay. Physically anyway. I’ll have to make it right with her when I get the chance.
Miroku walks toward me and asks, “InuYasha, why did Kagome want to back? What did you do to make her so upset?” I can tell he’s genuinely concerned, which makes me wonder how upset Kagome actually looked.
“I . . .” I start, but I know that nothing I say is going to make this situation better. I had know idea what I had planned to do if she had been here. I want to tell her I love her, but . . . What if she doesn’t return my feelings? What if she only thinks of us as friends and nothing more? Clearly I haven’t thought this through.
“Tell me, InuYasha, where you with Kikyo?” Miroku asks and my temper rises. Why does everyone assume that I was with Kikyo? Even if it is true!
“What makes you say that, monk?” I ask in a heated way, as I sit down and cross my arms over my chest.
Miroku eyes me for a second before responding. “Well, Kagome only ever looks that upset when Kikyo is involved. So, I take it you were with her.” he says with confidence.
I hate these situations. I hate these goddamned situations! Cause you know I’m always the bad guy. They don’t even care that how it happened. They just know that I hurt Kagome. And what makes matters worse is that they’re right.
“How long do you think she’ll be gone this time, Miroku?” Sango asks as Miroku sits down next to her.
“To hard to tell, Sango. When Kagome’s upset like she was there’s no telling when she’ll return. She might take up to a couple of days or maybe even a week.” Miroku replies and I can tell he’s only saying it to make me feel guilty. “It’s Kagome. She’s unpredictable when she’s angry.”
“Angry? Who said anything about her being angry?” I can’t help but let out. “You just said she was upset not angry.” Maybe it’s just the fear talking, but I hate it when she’s mad, maybe just as much as I hate it when she sad. Cause when she mad it usually means that I’m going to be eating dirt for a while.
Sango looks over at me. “She wasn’t angry. She just looked really depressed. Like her best friend died or something.” I can feel the color drain from my face. I really screwed up this time. She’s never going to forgive me, and if she doesn’t I don’t know what’ll do.
“Are you alright, InuYasha?” Miroku asks me and I look at him like I’ve never seen him before.
“I have to go.” Is all I say before I make my way to Kaede’s village in a dead run. I won’t ruin our friendship. Not when I just found out that I love her. If friendship is all Kagome wants from me then I’ll settle for that.
I make it to the village in less than hour, but I don’t stop there. I continue to sprint to the well, but when I get to the clearing I come to a complete stop.
I see Kagome sitting on the lip of the well, as if waiting for me. She isn’t wearing her usual school clothes. Instead she wearing long black pants and a long grey shirt. Both items of clothing hang of her body as if they’re too big for her. When she looks over at me, my ears flatten to my head.
“Kagome.” I say as I walk closer to her. “I’m gl--”
“InuYasha we need to talk.” she says before I can finish what I want to say. Her gaze drops to the ground as she says, “I never meant to cause trouble between you and Kikyo.”
I don’t know what she’s getting at. How could she cause trouble between Kikyo and me? “You didn’t cause any trouble.” I tell her hoping to set her worries to rest.
She looks back up at me. “So you guys sorted it out then?” she asks and I think I see her eyes become even gloomier.
“No.” I say and I watch her eyes widen with surprise. I can’t keep the truth from her anymore. I have to tell her how I feel about her. Even if she doesn’t return my feeling, at least I won’t have to go through life wondering about what might have been. “But it wasn’t because of you. It was because I realized that no matter how many times this situation keeps happening, it’s not going to make it any less painful for many one involved.”
I can tell that Kagome’s confused. I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I’m so nervous, I don’t even know if I’m making sense. “InuYasha, what are you saying?” she asks as she pushes herself up off the well.
I sigh before continue, knowing that it’s not going to get any easier. “I know Kikyo said some pretty rude things to you, and I’m sorry I didn’t do anything about it.”
Kagome looks down, suddenly interested with the dirt. “I’m sorry if I embarrass you InuYasha.” she says without even glancing up at me.
I walk up to her and take her by the shoulders, forcing her to look at me. “Kagome, you don’t embarrass me. You could never embarrass me.” I tell and mean every word. “You mean so much to me, Kagome, and if anything ever happen to you I don’t know what I’d do.” I watch as she tries to blink back tears. “My talk with Kikyo make me realize a lot of things. She made me realize a lot of things.”
“What kinds of things did you realize, InuYasha?” she asks and my heart breaks at how much hurt I detect in her voice.
“I was so confused, Kagome.” I say, “I thought I had everything figured out, but I was wrong. . . . She asked me how I feel when I see you cry,” I can tell that Kagome doesn’t have a clue to what I’m getting at. “. . . and I told her that I felt completely helpless, and . . . that’s when I realized how much I’m in love with you.”
I feel Kagome stiffen in my arms, then she rests her forehead against my chest. The saltiness of her tears reach my nose before the sound reaches my ears. The state of helplessness washes over me, but this time it’s accompanied by rejection. I’ve blown it. I’ve made her cry and she doesn’t return my feelings.
“InuYasha,” I hear her sniffle, “please tell me you’re not playing a joke on me, because I don’t think I can handle it if you are.”
I put my hand underneath her chin and lift her gaze up to meet mine. “I’m not lying Kagome, I love you.”
I watch a smile grace her face as more tears cascade down her cheeks, and I feel the fear of rejection slowly leaving my self-conscience. “I love you too, InuYasha.” she says and that’s all she has to before I bring her lips to meet mine in a kiss so full of love that it leaves me dizzy and breathless when we pull away.
I lean forward and whisper into her ear how much I love her and how she could never embarrass me.
Fin
After numerous complaints, I finally let my comrades rest. We had been walking for at least half the day and I had been expecting Kagome to ask for a break soon, but I wanted to be stubborn and make them walk a little longer.
As I relax against a tree, I pick up the scent of ramen. I look over in the direction it is drifting from and see Kagome putting it over the instant fire that she brought back from her time.
I will say one thing about that time of hers, some of the things she brings back are convenient. Not that I’d tell her that. No, she’d probably use it to her advantage and want to go back more.
She goes back too much as it is. If she stayed here longer than we’d be able to find more jewel shards. I mean, if it wasn’t for her the jewel would still be whole. She should just stay here until it’s complete again and then she could go back anytime she wanted, but apparently those tests of hers are more important.
I’m pulled from my thoughts as I watch Kagome get up and walk toward me carrying two cups of ramen. She smiles at me and hands me a cup before sitting down next to me.
I immediately dig into my food as she picks at hers. I am so caught up in my food that I don’t notice she’s watching me until she starts laughing.
I look over at her with a confused expression on my face and ask, “What’s so funny?” only it came out more like “Wha o unny?”
She calms herself down and smiles. “You’re such a messy eater.” she says to me and before I can react she pulls a handkerchief out of her pocket and starts whipping noodles and broth off my face.
I knew my face had to be bright red. I don’t know what to do. So I do the first thing that comes to my mind. I grab her hand. She lets a gasp escape her lips as her expression changes to surprise.
I don’t do anything for a couple of seconds. Just stare into her chocolate brown eyes. It isn’t until a slapping sound followed by a “Pervert!” that I am pulled out of my gaze. I instantly drop her hand with a “Feh.” and look over at the monk and demon slayer.
Miroku’s now got a fresh red hand print on the left side of his face and Sango gets up and walks away cursing under her breath. The monk will never learn and I can’t help but agree with Shippo as he mutters, “Idiot.” to himself.
I look back over at Kagome who’s now smiling at Shippo as he starts to play tag with Kirara. I thought the silence would be awkward, but I actually enjoy just being in her presence. It is weird for me to feel this way. Especially with Kagome, and what unnerves me the most is that this isn’t the first time I have felt this way around her. I’m not suppose to feel like this around her. I have a promise to Kikyo and I have to keep my word.
My relationship with Kagome isn’t an easy one to explain. Hell, I am part of it and I don’t even know what is going on. I know I feel something for her. Friendship is a given, but is it more than just friendship? I don’t know.
“InuYasha?” I hear her ask. I twitch my ear to show that I’m listening. “I think we should start setting up camp. It’s getting pretty late.”
I snap my head over to look at her faster than she could blink an eye. “What?” I say, outraged that she would even suggest that. “How do you expect us to find any jewel shards if we’re always setting up camp?” I know for a fact that we don’t always stop and we have traveled far today, but my pride won’t let me agree with her.
I watch as an annoyed look pops onto her face. “The sun is setting InuYasha! We should start setting up before it’s too dark to see!” she says her voice quivering right below anger. “Besides, we’ve been walking most of the day. We’re tired.”
“Feh.” I reply. I am so tired of hearing that excuse! When were they not tired? That’s what I’d like to know. “You humans are really ticking me off. Always wanting to rest.”
As I cross my arms over my chest, I see her eyebrow twitch. That’s when I know I am going to get it.
Before I have time to react, the dreaded words leave her mouth. “Sit boy!” she yelled as I plummet into the ground. As I eat the dirt, I hear her get up and storm away.
Figures. How I hate that old hag for giving her this power over me. I see how I might have needed it when we first met, but now? What does she think I am going to do? Make off with the jewel shards in the middle of the night? Slit their throats while they sleep? Does she really not trust me?
Maybe she just likes watching me slam into the earth? At that thought my blood boils. I pick myself up off the ground and follow her scent into the forest. I’ll teach her for sitting me for the hell of it!
When I get her in my sights, a fresh scent of salt greets my nose. Great. She’s crying. Just what I don’t need.
How I hate it when she cries. Especially when it’s my fault. This being one of those times.
I walk up behind her and sit on the ground next to her. She ignores my presence at first until my temper gets the better of me. “Stop crying, wench!”
She shoots me a glare, making me regret what I said. She has a way with doing that. Making me feel emotions that I don’t normally feel unless it’s a new moon and I’m in my pathetic human form.
Luckily, that’s not for awhile though.
“Come on, it’s getting dark.” I tell her, but she makes no attempt to move. When she sniffles, I let a low growl out. I stand up and then pull Kagome to her feet as well.
“InuYasha! What are you doing?” she asks and that’s when I noticed that her eyes were red and puffy from crying.
The sight makes my heart wrench. So, not wanting to see it anymore, I pull her into an embrace.
I feel her body go rigid. She’s shocked. Hell, I’ve even shocked myself. I can’t . . . I can’t possibly have stronger feelings than friendship for Kagome, can I? I do care about her, but . . . what about Kikyo? I love Kikyo, don’t I?
Agh! This is giving me a headache! I don’t like thinking about this. It always comes back to the promise I made to Kikyo. I can’t break it. No matter how much I care about Kagome.
“InuYasha? Are you okay?” I hear her ask as she relaxes in my hold and I feel something that I haven’t felt since before I was pinned to the sacred tree.
My heart skips a beat.
I have no idea why that just happened. All I’m doing is comforting her and it’s not like I haven’t done that before, but there’s something about the way she relaxed in my arms. Something that I can’t explain.
I sigh as I push all the thoughts to the back of my mind. It’s too complicated to think about that right now.
I can still smell her tears and all I want is for her is to stop. “Please stop crying, Kagome.” I tell her as I tighten my grip on her waist.
Then she does something that shocks me. She puts her face in the curve of my neck and nods. I gulp slowly, praying that she doesn’t notice.
“I’m sorry I got so upset over nothing.” she apologies as she grips the front of my shirt.
I think this is what contentment must feel like. I’m not entirely sure. It is a rare feeling for me.
I lay my head on top of hers and breathe in her scent, which still amazes me. How can one human smell so good? And not only does her scent smell good, it gives me the strength I need when I’m fighting. I don’t know why her scent effects me this much, but it does. The funny thing about it is, I like her scent and I like the way it effects me.
I’m suddenly snapped from my thoughts when I pick up her scent.
I pull out of our embrace a little and look toward the bushes, where I knew Kikyo was watching.
I hear Kagome ask what’s wrong, but I don’t answer and continue staring at the brush.
I guess she knows I know she’s there because she emerges from her hiding spot and walks toward us.
When I hear Kagome gasp I immediately pull away from her with my face beet red. Why do I always get myself into these situations? Usually I’m with Kikyo and Kagome’s watching, not the other way around. I’m not sure if this is worse or not.
When Kikyo is in front of us, she looks from me over to Kagome then back at me. The first wave of guilt hits me when I see a hurt look in her usually cold eyes.
I hate this feeling. This helplessness. I can’t comfort Kikyo because then Kagome would be hurt, but not comforting her hurts her even more.
I’m at a loss so I do the one thing I’m able to do. I say her name in a pleading voice.
Before Kikyo can say anything, Kagome beats her to it. “Listen Kikyo, before you jump to conclusions--”
Kikyo cuts Kagome off by saying, “I do not wish to hear what you have to say.” Her eyes still hold a hurt look and yet another wave of guilt washes over me.
Kagome looks taken aback as Kikyo gives her a hard glare. Kagome starts fiddling with her skirt and I watch Kikyo scowl at the action.
“I would have thought you would have started wearing decent clothing by now.” she says to Kagome and I furrow my brow at her. “It’s embarrassing, is it not InuYasha?”
They both look over at me and I stand as still as a statue. I make no comment as I watch Kagome’s eyes fill with pain. This is the worst situation I’ve ever been in. I would rather be off fighting a heard of demons by myself than here.
After a couple of seconds of silence, Kagome runs off and I can smell her tears. I feel like I just got punched in the gut. I want to run after her, but Kikyo’s presence convinces me to stay.
Kikyo looks over at me with emotionless eyes. I want to defend Kagome, but that would involve hurting Kikyo’s feelings even more. Why does my life have to be so complicated?
I look at Kikyo trying to find out what’s gotten into her when she says, “InuYasha, if that girl--”
“Look Kikyo, Kagome and I were just talking. She was upset and I was trying to comfort her.” I interrupt her. I don’t want her thinking that something is going on between Kagome and me because there’s not! We’re just friends. That’s it. End of story. I don’t care how many beats my heart skips around her there’s nothing going on!
Kikyo places her hand on my arm and I look into her cold brown eyes that were still filled with hurt. I can’t stand seeing her like this. I grab her hand that’s on my arm and hold it for a second before she pulls her hand away.
I stand there confused waiting for her to say something, but as soon as she does, I wish she hadn’t said anything at all.
“InuYasha,” she starts, her voice close to emotionless, “what were you feeling when you were holding Kagome?”
I hesitate, not knowing what to say. How can I tell Kikyo something I, myself, still don’t understand?
“Tell me, InuYasha.” she says, “If you care for me at all, you’ll tell me what you felt.” I stare at her as I try to sort out the many thoughts that are flowing through my head.
“I’m . . . I’m not sure.” I answer uncertainly. I don’t know why this is so important for her to know. I told her I was only comforting her and that’s what I was doing. “Why do you want to know anyway?”
Kikyo’s eyes bore into mine as she replies, “If you cannot tell me then I no longer need your protection.”
As she starts to leave, I feel myself start to panic. She can’t just leave. Not like this.
With as much speed as I can muster, I reach out and grab Kikyo by the wrist and pull her into my arms. I’m not about to let her walk away from this. We need to talk.
Kikyo struggles in my hold for a moment, trying to fight the strength of my arms, but her attempts only make my grip tighter.
With a sigh, she finally goes limp in my embrace and I wait for my heart to skip a beat like it had with Kagome or like it had when I had held Kikyo fifty years ago, but it never does.
“InuYasha,” I hear her say. “What do you feel when you hold me?”
It was a simple question. It should have been simple to answer as well . . . but it isn’t. How am I suppose to tell the woman I love that I don’t feel anything when I hold her? And that I feel more when I’m holding Kagome?
“Tell me, InuYasha.” she says firmly. I don’t know how to answer. I don’t want to break Kikyo’s heart, but I’m not even certain on how I feel about Kagome, if anything.
She stares patiently as I come to my conclusion. Which I know won’t satisfy her, but I can’t tell her that I feel absolutely nothing with her, which is exactly what I feel now. “I don’t know, Kikyo.” I respond.
She only looks surprised for half a second before her eyes feel with hate. “Don’t lie to me, InuYasha. I know you are feeling something. I can see it in your eyes.” she says and I am filled with guilt for lying to her. “The only feelings you are not certain of are what you feel for Kagome, am I correct?”
I am amazed that she can see my thoughts just by reading my eyes.
“Kikyo . . .” I start out not knowing where I’m going with this, but knowing that I can’t admit to what Kikyo suggests cause that would be admitting to feeling something for Kagome, and even though I feel something, maybe even something more than friendship, it doesn’t mean Kikyo has to find out about it. “There’s nothing going on between Kagome and me.”
To my utter shock, Kikyo starts to laugh. I am so surprised that I don’t realize she has managed to slip out of my embrace. “InuYasha, do you take me as a fool? I saw you two together. I can tell when something is going on just from the way you embraced her.” she says.
I don’t know what’s possessed me to do it, but I instantly grab her hand and look her dead in the eye. “Nothing is going on between me and Kagome.” I tell her. Nothing I can’t handle anyway, but I don’t say that out loud.
Kikyo decisively stares back at me. “Truly InuYasha?” she says before looking down at the ground. “Well if there‘s nothing going on between the two of you, then why do you keep avoiding my question?”
Which question? The one where she wants to know what I’m feeling when I’m holding Kagome or her? As if she can read my mind, Kikyo says, “How do you feel when you watch Kagome cry? And answer me honestly InuYasha.”
This question catches me off guard. When I saw Kagome crying, it felt like my heart was being ripped out, but . . . I couldn’t possibly be in love with Kagome . . . could I?
“InuYasha?” Kikyo asks, trying to coax me into answering her. I look into her eyes and I feel nothing. I recall all the times I’ve looked Kagome in the eye and just felt exultant. Then I suddenly realize. I am in love with Kagome. I love her so much that I’d rather sacrifice myself than let her be harmed.
I take a quick inhale of air and look Kikyo straight in the eye. Ready to answer her question. “I feel like I’m drowning. Like there’s nothing I can to do, but I’d do anything to see the surface again.”
Kikyo gives me a ghost of a smile as she looks down so all I can see is her bangs. “I thought so.” she whispers quietly.
“Kikyo, I never meant to hurt you, but . . . I lo--” I start to say, but she stops me.
“Please don’t.” she says as she looks back up at me. “I understand. I just hopes she knows how lucky she is to have you.”
Kikyo. She looks so dejected . . . and it’s all my fault.
“She did what I so longed to do when I was alive.” she continues to say.
I look at her curiously. “And what was that?”
I watch her lift her hands to my face. She gently places her hands on both sides on my face and looks me dead in the eye. “Heal your heart.” she whispers then she lets go of my face and turns around. “I must leave.”
“Kikyo wait.” I can’t help, but call out. I don’t want her hurting because of me.
“I no longer need your protection.” she says, “Good-bye, InuYasha.” Then she walks through the forest until she vanishes from my view.
After I’m sure Kikyo’s gone, I race back to camp. Hoping that It’s not to late to make up with Kagome. At first I don’t notice the stares I’m getting from the group, but I soon catch on when the silence continues. I look at them for a moment, but they’re not my first priority at the moment.
Kagome’s nowhere to be seen. I don’t even know if she made it back safely. “Where’s Kagome?” I ask trying to hide the slight panic in my voice.
“You just missed her. She asked for Kirara. Said she wanted to go home.” Shippo says and I feel relief take hold of my body and mind. At least she’s okay. Physically anyway. I’ll have to make it right with her when I get the chance.
Miroku walks toward me and asks, “InuYasha, why did Kagome want to back? What did you do to make her so upset?” I can tell he’s genuinely concerned, which makes me wonder how upset Kagome actually looked.
“I . . .” I start, but I know that nothing I say is going to make this situation better. I had know idea what I had planned to do if she had been here. I want to tell her I love her, but . . . What if she doesn’t return my feelings? What if she only thinks of us as friends and nothing more? Clearly I haven’t thought this through.
“Tell me, InuYasha, where you with Kikyo?” Miroku asks and my temper rises. Why does everyone assume that I was with Kikyo? Even if it is true!
“What makes you say that, monk?” I ask in a heated way, as I sit down and cross my arms over my chest.
Miroku eyes me for a second before responding. “Well, Kagome only ever looks that upset when Kikyo is involved. So, I take it you were with her.” he says with confidence.
I hate these situations. I hate these goddamned situations! Cause you know I’m always the bad guy. They don’t even care that how it happened. They just know that I hurt Kagome. And what makes matters worse is that they’re right.
“How long do you think she’ll be gone this time, Miroku?” Sango asks as Miroku sits down next to her.
“To hard to tell, Sango. When Kagome’s upset like she was there’s no telling when she’ll return. She might take up to a couple of days or maybe even a week.” Miroku replies and I can tell he’s only saying it to make me feel guilty. “It’s Kagome. She’s unpredictable when she’s angry.”
“Angry? Who said anything about her being angry?” I can’t help but let out. “You just said she was upset not angry.” Maybe it’s just the fear talking, but I hate it when she’s mad, maybe just as much as I hate it when she sad. Cause when she mad it usually means that I’m going to be eating dirt for a while.
Sango looks over at me. “She wasn’t angry. She just looked really depressed. Like her best friend died or something.” I can feel the color drain from my face. I really screwed up this time. She’s never going to forgive me, and if she doesn’t I don’t know what’ll do.
“Are you alright, InuYasha?” Miroku asks me and I look at him like I’ve never seen him before.
“I have to go.” Is all I say before I make my way to Kaede’s village in a dead run. I won’t ruin our friendship. Not when I just found out that I love her. If friendship is all Kagome wants from me then I’ll settle for that.
I make it to the village in less than hour, but I don’t stop there. I continue to sprint to the well, but when I get to the clearing I come to a complete stop.
I see Kagome sitting on the lip of the well, as if waiting for me. She isn’t wearing her usual school clothes. Instead she wearing long black pants and a long grey shirt. Both items of clothing hang of her body as if they’re too big for her. When she looks over at me, my ears flatten to my head.
“Kagome.” I say as I walk closer to her. “I’m gl--”
“InuYasha we need to talk.” she says before I can finish what I want to say. Her gaze drops to the ground as she says, “I never meant to cause trouble between you and Kikyo.”
I don’t know what she’s getting at. How could she cause trouble between Kikyo and me? “You didn’t cause any trouble.” I tell her hoping to set her worries to rest.
She looks back up at me. “So you guys sorted it out then?” she asks and I think I see her eyes become even gloomier.
“No.” I say and I watch her eyes widen with surprise. I can’t keep the truth from her anymore. I have to tell her how I feel about her. Even if she doesn’t return my feeling, at least I won’t have to go through life wondering about what might have been. “But it wasn’t because of you. It was because I realized that no matter how many times this situation keeps happening, it’s not going to make it any less painful for many one involved.”
I can tell that Kagome’s confused. I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I’m so nervous, I don’t even know if I’m making sense. “InuYasha, what are you saying?” she asks as she pushes herself up off the well.
I sigh before continue, knowing that it’s not going to get any easier. “I know Kikyo said some pretty rude things to you, and I’m sorry I didn’t do anything about it.”
Kagome looks down, suddenly interested with the dirt. “I’m sorry if I embarrass you InuYasha.” she says without even glancing up at me.
I walk up to her and take her by the shoulders, forcing her to look at me. “Kagome, you don’t embarrass me. You could never embarrass me.” I tell and mean every word. “You mean so much to me, Kagome, and if anything ever happen to you I don’t know what I’d do.” I watch as she tries to blink back tears. “My talk with Kikyo make me realize a lot of things. She made me realize a lot of things.”
“What kinds of things did you realize, InuYasha?” she asks and my heart breaks at how much hurt I detect in her voice.
“I was so confused, Kagome.” I say, “I thought I had everything figured out, but I was wrong. . . . She asked me how I feel when I see you cry,” I can tell that Kagome doesn’t have a clue to what I’m getting at. “. . . and I told her that I felt completely helpless, and . . . that’s when I realized how much I’m in love with you.”
I feel Kagome stiffen in my arms, then she rests her forehead against my chest. The saltiness of her tears reach my nose before the sound reaches my ears. The state of helplessness washes over me, but this time it’s accompanied by rejection. I’ve blown it. I’ve made her cry and she doesn’t return my feelings.
“InuYasha,” I hear her sniffle, “please tell me you’re not playing a joke on me, because I don’t think I can handle it if you are.”
I put my hand underneath her chin and lift her gaze up to meet mine. “I’m not lying Kagome, I love you.”
I watch a smile grace her face as more tears cascade down her cheeks, and I feel the fear of rejection slowly leaving my self-conscience. “I love you too, InuYasha.” she says and that’s all she has to before I bring her lips to meet mine in a kiss so full of love that it leaves me dizzy and breathless when we pull away.
I lean forward and whisper into her ear how much I love her and how she could never embarrass me.
Fin