InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Zero-G ❯ The Owl Code ( Chapter 15 )

Author's Notes: These are so boring…

 

 

Zero-G

Chapter Fourteen

The Owl's Code

 

 

 

It was a good day to die.

Not that Inuyasha would be doing any such thing. That was the ambassador's job. But if he could choose any day of the year in which to be the unsuspecting victim of an assassin's rifle, it would have been on a day like this - the kind of day when the last thing he would see was the limitless blue sky above him as the sun warmed his face. If that was the last image he ever saw, Inuyasha wouldn't have minded.

Yes, on days like this, death didn't seem so terrifyingly final.

Sitting along the rim of the fountain that marked the entrance of the subway, Inuyasha watched the commuters stalk past. Each one of them looked bleak, but determined, as if they had somewhere important to be but would rather not be there. Wasn't that just the story of everyone's life? Everyone was doing something they didn't want to.

However, watching these people was giving Inuyasha a headache. He could have sworn that there were, in actual fact, only two hundred people around him, but they just kept going in circles to confuse him. Everyone was wearing black, everyone looked grim, they all walked in the same directions and they all looked the same.

“I might as well be watching a field of sheep…” Inuyasha muttered under his breath as another fresh wave of commuters piled out of the tube station entrance before him. He took a moment to scan their faces, just in case any of his fellow cell agents were among them, but no one stood out.

Turning away, Inuyasha tilted his face up and squinted at the tall buildings around him. Most of them were entirely comprised of glass, bouncing the light between their surfaces whilst glowing an unnatural shade of white. The hanyou closed his eyes with a sigh, eager to try and shut out the world from his senses. Instead, he attempted to concentrate on the soothing trickle of the water feature behind him rather than the constant hum of city life.

“Boo!”

Inuyasha blinked and snapped his head around to see Kouga standing beside him. The wolf had managed to sneak up on him, much to Inuyasha's chagrin - and from the look on Kouga's face, he knew it. “You're late,” Inuyasha said abruptly.

“And you're letting your guard down.” Kouga smirked, folding his arms. “I could have slit your throat before you even realised I was here!”

“Shut up,” the hanyou griped as irritation seeped down his spine. His claws bit into the marble rim of the fountain. “I heard you coming.”

“No, you didn't.” Kouga smirked broadly, utterly pleased with himself.

“Kouga…” Inuyasha gave him a stupefied stare. “Stampeding rhinoceroses dragging the entire London Session Orchestra have more grace and stealth than you. I heard you coming.” He hadn't, but that wasn't the issue here…

“No, you didn't.” Kouga jeered.

“Yes, I did.”

“No, you didn't.”

“Yes, I fucking did!” I want to strangle you and feed you to a swarm to elderly piranhas with dentures, you arrogant asshole! “And where the fuck is Bankotsu and Jakotsu?”

“Oh,” Kouga sighed, looking away with a shrug. “We sent Bankotsu and your boyfriend home before you arrived.”

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes. “Why?”

A new voice entered the conversation. “Because there's been a delay in our plans.”

Inuyasha knew that voice, and he quickly whipped around to face his boss who was sitting on the opposite side of the fountain. It was probably very rude, but Inuyasha couldn't help himself… “What are you doing here?”

“There's been a slight change of plan, Inuyasha.” Naraku smiled mildly as he stood up. He could have easily passed for another human in his black suit and briefcase. Naraku didn't get out a lot, but when he did, he made sure he wasn't noticed. “The Spanish ambassador's flight has been delayed.”

Inuyasha blinked. “Why?”

Naraku sniffed and looked away, scanning the crowds. “It seems as if someone tipped off the authorities to the fact that the ambassador is a Coalescence target. He won't be arriving till this later this evening… and by then his security will have been multiplied.”

With a sigh, Inuyasha stood. “Great. Call me when you need me.”

“Wait a moment, Inuyasha.” Naraku held up a hand, and the hanyou paused a moment, watching his boss closely. “I just wanted to ask you something…”

“Shoot.” Inuyasha shrugged, glancing at a bored looking Kouga.

Naraku tilted his head. “You wouldn't happen to know where these leaks are coming from?” he asked evenly. “I don't know… perhaps you've overheard things? Perhaps you know who the mole is?”

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes. There was no need to play coy here. He knew exactly what Naraku meant. “Are you implying that I am the mole?”

“No beating around the bush with you, is there, Inuyasha?” Naraku smiled and laughed cordially. A very strange sound to hear. “But you know the only reason why it has crossed my mind is because you haven't exactly been jumping in with both feet recently. You seem to have one foot in your work… but where is the other foot?”

Inuyasha tried to ignore the way Kouga was now staring at his feet. “I'm still as committed as ever. I've just… had some personal problems lately.”

“Ah.” Naraku nodded understandingly. “Money trouble? Mother problems? Perhaps a lovers' tiff?”

Inuyasha flinched, fighting the urge to rub away the uncomfortable tingling that had just spread through his ear. “Something like that…”

“I empathize entirely, Inuyasha. Women are sometimes more trouble than they're worth.” Naraku clasped his hands behind his back, dangling his briefcase idly. “But you know the old proverb… plenty more fish in the sea.”

“Mm.” Inuyasha hummed, hoping that his hooded eyes gave nothing away.

“Are you familiar with proverbs, Inuyasha?” Naraku asked suddenly.

Why was this conversation still going? It wasn't normal for Naraku to pursue small talk. “More or less,” he responded. “My mother used to teach me them. She said they were the wisest lessons that could ever be taught.”

Naraku nodded slowly. “I agree. It's amazing how much wisdom can be compressed into such a short little epigram. Are you familiar with Chinese proverbs?”

Inuyasha glanced again at Kouga, trying to gauge the true meaning behind this interrogation. But the wolf gave nothing away other than a crafty little smirk Looking back at Naraku, Inuyasha shrugged. “I know a few.”

“My personal favourite is `Kill a chicken before a monkey.'” Naraku smiled tightly. “It means to frighten your true foe by killing the unimportant first. You have to remember this, Inuyasha. What we're doing… the terror we inflict on these people… it's nothing. The few who die justify the means to the end when we finally obtain our ultimate goal.”

“I know that,” said Inuyasha quietly.

“Then your reluctance is truly only due to… girl trouble?”

Inuyasha lifted his chin to look Naraku in the eye. “I have a favourite Chinese proverb. `Love my house, love my crow.'”

“Interesting,” Naraku's smile didn't waver. “And what exactly does it mean?”

“I'm not entirely sure.” Inuyasha frowned thoughtfully. “It just sounds cool, and I like crows. `All crows everywhere are black,' right?”

Kouga rolled his eyes. “Well, duh…”

Inuyasha cast him a sour glare. “It's another proverb, you nitwit,” he ground out. “It means a bad person is always bad, wherever they happen to be, because human nature never changes.”

“Quite.” Naraku concurred. “A problem we've been fighting since the dawn of time. But I have a feeling that we'll prevail soon.”

“Cool.” Kouga chirped.

Now it was Inuyasha's turn to roll his eyes. “The lights are on, but no one's home…”

“What's that supposed to mean?!” Kouga snapped at him.

“It means you're an idiot!” Inuyasha snapped back.

“Boys, boys, now, now. No need to direct your anger at each other. It's such a waste,” Naraku said blithely. “Let's just return to our lives and reconvene later tonight when I find out the finer details of the Spaniard's visit. Make sure you're both prepared - mentally and physically. This will probably be one of the toughest missions yet.”

“Wonderful.” Inuyasha dug his hands into his jacket pockets. “I'll be at home if you need me.”

He turned, and with a nasty leer in Kouga's direction, stalked off towards the multi-storey car park where he'd stashed his bike.

Naraku and Kouga watched him leave until they were very certain he was out of earshot. Kouga turned to his boss and simply shrugged. “Well, don't look at me… I haven't got a clue.”

“Hmm…” Naraku narrowed his eyes and stroked his chin. “I'm inclined to put my faith in him. But why would Kikyo lie?”

“Well, they did used to… you know…” The wolf made sounds akin to the squeaking of rusty bed springs.

Naraku stared blankly at him before sucking in a breath. “I see. Kikyo might be lying then.”

“Yeah, but can't we just kill him anyway?” Kouga implored. “He's so annoying…”

“Perhaps to you, Kouga, but to me he is one of my finest men.” Naraku shook his head. “No… I'm not about to do anything that would ultimately do more harm than good to our cause. To kill Inuyasha would be a severe setback. I want proof first.”

“And what if she's right?” Kouga scuffed his boot across the marble of the fountain. “What do we do if he really is a traitor and he really did save that Higurashi chick?”

Naraku smiled slowly. “Butcher the donkey after it has completed its job.”

………………………&# 8230;……..

Kagome wasn't entirely sure what had happened. One minute she'd been standing in Inuyasha's kitchen with a broken bowl of Kellogg's at her feet and a stainless steel spoon clutched in her hand. In the next, she'd found herself sitting beside Kikyo in her expensive car, on her way to god only knew where. The spoon was still held tightly in her hand.

“I knew, you see,” Kikyo said as they stopped before an intersection. The windows had been wound down, and Kikyo rested a slender arm out of the opening as she waited for the lights to change. “I came down here yesterday to pay Inuyasha a visit - that's when I saw you. I saw you, and I knew that you were alive and that Inuyasha had done something awful. But he saw me there too, and you know how dangerous that guy is, so I just had to lie and say that I thought you were merely an apparition. He believed me and let me go, but I didn't go far. I was waiting for him to leave again so I could rescue you, you see?”

Kagome wasn't sure what she saw. Her head was still reeling in shock, and she couldn't seem to grasp the fact that she was sitting in Kikyo's car… with Kikyo, no less. But perhaps it was just the midday heat making her dizzy - and perhaps it was the smog of pollution wafting through the windows that was making her lungs feel strangely tight. The roaring in her ears was even drowning out the digital tune that played from the traffic lights as pedestrians continued to swarm across the road in flocks. Black suited pedestrian, white striped crossing, black suited pedestrian, white striped crossing… it was enough to make anyone dizzy, and Kagome had to hold a hand over her eyes. What on earth is going on here…?

The music ended, and Kikyo quickly set off, anxiously darting glances in her rear-view mirror. “I mean, I knew he was a bastard… but this?” Kikyo shook her glamorous head. “Even I didn't think he'd sink this low.”

Kagome said nothing. She understood nothing. She wasn't even sure how she was supposed to be feeling right then. “What's going on, Kikyo…?”

Kikyo ignored the question. “What did he do to you, Kagome?” she asked vehemently. “You can tell me anything, remember? We're cousins, right? Whatever he did to you, I will make sure he pays dearly.”

Kagome stared at the older woman. It was almost as if Kikyo was trying to… help her.

“I can't even begin to tell you how worried we were, Kagome.” Kikyo shot her a pained look. “We've all been grieving our heads off - your mother's practically made herself sick with misery. Souta's been acting like a hooligan, and Grandpa won't talk about you. They'll be so relieved to know that you're safe!”

The girl's frown deepened. “Kikyo… what's going on?”

“What do you mean `what's going on'?” she retorted shortly. “Kagome, you've been missing for nearly a month - haven't you noticed?”

“Well… yeah…” Kagome shifted awkwardly, wondering why her evil cousin hadn't tried to kill her yet.

When Kikyo had walked into the flat, unannounced and very out of the blue, Kagome had been too shocked to do anything other than obey her words: “Get your coat, get your bag, we're leaving.”

“He did this to get back at me,” Kikyo continued, swerving around another car in an effort to overtake. “I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Kagome, but you know that guy who was keeping you captive?”

“Inuyasha?”

“Yes, him. Believe it or not, but I used to date that guy. But when we broke up, he didn't take it very well.” In irritation, Kikyo slapped the steering wheel. “You know - this is exactly the reason why I ended our relationship. He's a neurotic headcase! I'd love to be able to say that what he did shocks me - but in all honesty - it doesn't!”

Kagome peered timidly at her cousin. “Inuyasha… he… he told me that you had tried to kill me. He said that you sent the Coalescence to kill me so you could steal Zero-G… and he saved me… from you.”

“And you believed that bald-faced lie?” Kikyo whirled on her, almost angry to have been doubted. “Kagome - I am your flesh and blood! I would die for you! He probably only fed you that lie so he could control you better!”

Everything she was saying was making too much sense.

Their car peeled away from the traffic and into an underground car park. They pulled to a stop under the artificial pink glow of the lights, and then the engine went quiet. Kikyo turned to her younger cousin, grasping her arm to catch her gaze. “Kagome… look me in the eyes,” she whispered. “Do I look like a killer to you?”

Inuyasha had said exactly the same thing a few nights ago. Kagome had believed him… but she also believed everything that Kikyo had just told her.

One of them was lying. But who could she trust? A total stranger who had inflicted nothing but pain and misery on her since she'd woken up to see his face… or the cousin who she'd known and loved since she was a child?

“Come on,” Kikyo patted her arm and started to get out of the car. “We'll be safe here.”

Kagome followed suit. “Where are we?”

“Regenis.”

“Your office?”

“The security guards are to die for.” Kikyo locked the car with a loud beep and took Kagome's hand to whisk her away towards the nearby elevator. Kagome stumbled along behind her, too confused and lost to bother resisting.

“It's ok. You're safe here.” Kikyo kept reassuring her as they rode up in the elevator. Kagome nodded dumbly, eyes fixing on the dial above which told her how many floors they were zooming past. After what seemed like a small eternity, the elevator stopped on the 35th floor.

“Door opening. Please be courteous,” a mechanical voice advised as Kikyo immediately stepped out of the lift, expecting people to either move or get shoved. Fortunately, she was recognised, and the crowd of people waiting to get into the elevator parted like the Red sea. Kagome tottered after… bewildered as ever.

She'd been to Regenis a few times in the past, and the only part of it that she recognised was how unbelievably classy the building seemed to be. Obviously, the styles had changed since her last visit in an effort to keep up with the fast changing trends. Severe contrasts of black, white and grey paint followed Kagome as she shuffled after Kikyo, and oddly shaped glass sculptures marked every turn in the corridor.

But what hacked Kagome off the most was the fact that she saw at least ten framed posters of “G-Force” on her way to Kikyo's office. It was perfectly reasonable to assume that Inuyasha had merely kidnapped her to get back at Kikyo. But how was her cousin supposed to explain away the existence of this new `miracle' cream that just so happened to bear an uncanny resemblance to Kagome's `miracle' cream?

“Here we are,” Kikyo said, stopping outside a splendid door of frosted glass. “This is my office. We'll be safe to talk in here.”

Kikyo's office was exactly as Kagome had expected it to be: orderly, neat and incredibly stylish. She was steered towards a soft leather settee in the corner of the room and told to wait there while Kikyo went to her desk. “Mariko,” she said, pressing a button on her intercom. “Bring up a hot chocolate drink, would you? Marshmallows and extra cream, if possible.”

My favourite drink, Kagome realised.

Another woman's voice crackled through the intercom. “Yes, Ms Higurashi.”

“Thank you.” Kikyo turned away again and moved to join Kagome on the leather settee. She smiled warmly, and squeezed Kagome's shoulder. “You look awfully stricken. Are you sure you're ok?”

“I'm fine.” Kagome nodded woodenly, feeling anything but `fine'. “I'm just… a little confused.”

“Well, I'm not surprised.” Kikyo sighed, sitting back. “Inuyasha's undoubtedly had plenty of time alone with you to screw with your head. He probably had you believing his lies, right?”

Kagome's mouth twisted as she tried to find a way to answer that question without offending her cousin.

“Don't worry. He's a smooth talker.” Kikyo waved a hand airily. “It was years before I ever realised how screwed up he was, and by then it was too late to cut him loose. As you can see, he keeps coming back to me.”

“Then why were you visiting him?” Kagome asked. “I was there when you came, Kikyo… it was you who came back to him.”

“Every now and then I have to check on him, you know?” the young businesswoman responded with a slightly guilty expression. “He gets into trouble quite easily… I mean… he is one of them.”

Kagome stared blankly. “One of who?”

Kikyo sighed as if she was about to depart with a devastating piece of news. “Kagome… Inuyasha is with the Coalescence.”

………………………&# 8230;…………………………

When Inuyasha arrived home, he opened the door and stepped straight into a puddle of envelopes and leaflets that the postman had deposited for him. He was vaguely surprised that Kagome hadn't already picked it up and sorted through it… but perhaps the post had only arrived a few minutes ago.

“Kagome, I'm back!” he called through the flat as he stooped to collect his mail. There wasn't much of interest, he discovered as he flipped through them. Another bill from the landlord, a letter of complaint from a neighbour on the next floor about the noise of domestic arguments, and a few adverts for new porn channels. He eyed the latter thoughtfully before pulling a face and dumping them in the bin - bills and all. “Kagome, how about a cup of tea or something?”

When he was met by nothing but silence, Inuyasha began to grow a little suspicious. Was the lazy brat still in bed?

“Kagome?” He pottered up the stairs to take a peek into the bedroom, well aware that he would be belted around the head with the nearest blunt object if he was about to catch her getting dressed. But Kagome wasn't getting dressed. She wasn't in bed either. The bed was made, her clothes were gone and the window had been wrenched open to allow the fresh air inside.

Perhaps she had gone to the bathhouse again?

Feeling slightly bemused, if not a little lonely, Inuyasha toddled back downstairs and started hunting around the room to see if Kagome had thought to leave him a note. Knowing her sense of humour, it was likely that she had written it on the table in three foot letters

Something crunched beneath Inuyasha's foot as he passed the sink. He stopped and looked down at the mess of Kellogg's, milk and bowl fragments that lay strewn across the floor. A frown crinkled his brow. He crouched down and flicked one of the stray cornflakes with the tip of his claw - it was completely soggy.

This mess wasn't fresh.

But why would Kagome leave the flat after making such a mess? He knew that she wasn't the type of girl to be flippant about these kinds of things, and he knew that she wouldn't have left until she'd cleaned up the cereal.

Standing up, Inuyasha looked towards the door. Kagome's coat was gone, along with her shoes, meaning that she probably hadn't left in that much of a hurry… but… for some reason he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something terribly wrong about this situation.

No note, no shoes, no effort to clean up the mess on the kitchen floor… what had happened here?

Inuyasha set his jaw and strode across the room to the front door. He threw it open and, without caring to close it behind him, flew down the stairs leading to the foyer before running out onto the street. “Kagome?!” he called, in case there was a slim chance that she was only nearby. “Kagome?!”

He ran further along the pavement, using a hand to shield his eyes from the glare of the sun as he scoured the street for a sign of the dark-haired teenager. In one hopeful moment, he thought he spotted her sitting on a garden wall talking to an old woman who sat on a bench - she was even wearing the same dress as Kagome. But when he jerked her shoulder around to see her face, he discovered that she wasn't nearly as pretty as the girl he was looking for.

“Hey!” the girl screeched, fending off his hand. “Who do you think you are?!”

“Have you seen Kagome?” he demanded, forgetting to apologise for his mistake.

The girl gave him a dirty look. “Who's Kagome?” she responded in the `Do I look as if I care?' tone.

The old woman spoke up just as he was about to leave. “Isn't she the girl who nearly got run over yesterday?”

“Yes!” Inuyasha whirled on her. “Have you seen her? Which way did she go?”

“And aren't you the rude young man who got shot yesterday?” the old woman asked again.

“Yes - everything except the rude part - yes! Now did you see where the girl-?”

“The car,” the pensioner interrupted, “that you fell out of yesterday. The girl - Kagome - she got into it with another woman who bore a remarkable resemblance to her.”

Inuyasha's heart plummeted to the pavement.

“Relatives?” the woman guessed.

“Yeah…” the hanyou breathed, looking down the road and gauging how long it would take him to run all the way to Kikyo's office. “Thanks, old woman.”

………………………&# 8230;………………

 

Kagome stared at the G-Force poster that had been framed on the wall behind Kikyo's desk. It was funny; she could hear Kikyo talking, but she couldn't seem to absorb her words. There was a dull roaring in her ears, her jaw tingled, and the letters on the poster were elongating and making strange patterns before her eyes.

It's impossible…

“Kagome, are you listening to me?” Kikyo gave her shoulder a light shake.

“No,” the younger girl answered honestly.

Kikyo sighed. “He's been lying to you, Kagome. He's not just some random do-gooder who happened to be in the right place at the right time to save your life - he's a terrorist. He's an insane terrorist, even. He's so obsessed with me that he'd go to lengths to get back at me - even if that means kidnapping my favourite cousin and brainwashing her.”

Have I been brainwashed? Kagome thought with rising panic. She didn't feel brainwashed, but wasn't that usually how brainwashed victims felt.

Everything Kikyo had told her was making perfect sense. These little jobs that Inuyasha seemed preoccupied with - he couldn't possibly be telling the truth. What if that man who had suffered a heart attack in the pub hadn't just been a coincidence? Would that explain why Inuyasha was dressed so strangely? Almost as if he were in disguise? And what about that other time when he'd died his hair black, and she'd run into him in Riiza square? Was it also a coincidence that a bomb had gone off a few seconds beforehand?

A terrorist. It made perfect sense.

He was half demon. Why wouldn't he be in the Coalescence? Everyone knew that all demons were criminals. Being half a criminal still made a person a criminal.

But… he was so kind to me.

Had it all just been an act? A way to win her trust while behind his eyes he plotted far more devious and disgusting plans?

“You have a lot to think about, but you're safe now,” Kikyo finally said after the silence had stretched on for too long. “I have to go make a call… so just sit tight and think things over while I'm gone.”

There was a phone on her desk, so it confused Kagome that her cousin needed to leave the office in order to make the call. But perhaps she was calling the police and simply didn't want to upset Kagome any more than she was already.

Inuyasha was a terrorist. Yep. That made perfect sense.

Kagome had slept in the bed of a killer. She'd eaten the food he'd given her and drank the water. She'd used his money to buy herself clothes. She'd even used his bathroom.

She felt dirty.

Everything he told me was probably a lie. All of it.

But…

Kagome lifted her head and looked over at the poster on the wall. There was no mistaking the similarity between Zero-G and G-Force. It was too much of a coincidence for Kagome to mysteriously drop dead, only to have her cousin suddenly invent a product that mimicked her own. The promises were the same - no wrinkles, invisible scars - the same things that Zero-G offered.

The only difference is… G-Force probably smells like Coa-Coa butter… At least, according to the poster it did.

Closing her eyes, Kagome sighed. There was probably some rational explanation for all of this. Perhaps Kikyo was simply carrying on Kagome's work and planned to credit her in some form when the product had been deemed fit for a wider market? Kagome opened her eyes and squinted at the framed advert. What exactly did the small print say at the bottom? Maybe her name was mentioned there?

Kagome left her seat on the leather settee and moved around Kikyo's desk to take a closer look at the words printed on the poster. At the bottom there were several lines of tiny disclaimers and credentials, and the girl had to lift the frame off its hook in order to read it better.

…product still in testing. Exclusive rights belong to Kikyo Higurashi of Regenis corp. Release dates are liable to change…

There was nothing there about `Kagome Higurashi' or her Grandmother. No dedications of `in loving memory of my dead cousin'. This product was Kikyo's, and she was making sure that the world knew it for a fact.

Kagome made a point to ask her when she returned from her phone call. There probably was some other explanation that Kagome had overlooked… but she needed an answer.

Just as she was moving to set the poster back on its nail, Kagome noticed something that she had missed before. In the wall, just behind where the poster had been set, was a safe. The G-Force advert had been hiding it from view.

With a quick glance at the door to make sure Kikyo wasn't returning any time soon, Kagome set down the poster on the desk and stepped closer to examine the locking mechanism. Judging from the keypad, some sort of code was needed in order to open the safe… but Kagome didn't need too much time to dwell on what sequence it might be. Kikyo always used the same number.

“Two, eight, two, oh…” Why Kikyo always chose this number, Kagome wasn't sure. But it had been her locker code at school and her debit card's pin number.

Kagome remembered it easily because it was the only sequence of numbers that reminded her of the hoot of an owl. “Twit twoo…” she breathed as the safe's door sprung to. She pulled it open the rest of the way and peered inside.

What she saw was enough to convince her.

………………………&# 8230;…………..

Kikyo carefully rearranged her hair as she headed back to her office. Honestly, it was rude enough to leave her to deal with a problem cousin all alone, but it was something else to not have his mobile switched on. She'd have to inform Naraku about the wonders of voice mail some time.

Meanwhile, Kikyo would have to continue spinning her elaborate lies to Kagome in order to get the girl to stay calm. Who knew how long it would be before Naraku dispatched someone to take care of the brat? There was even a chance that Kikyo would have to deal with Kagome on her own.

Kikyo wrinkled her nose. Killing someone was a rather messy and dangerous task. The only advantage she could see in her favour was that Kagome was already classed as dead, so there was no need to worry about the police coming to sniff around.

Composing herself, Kikyo put on her warmest smile and entered her office.

She stopped dead upon the sight of Kagome standing behind the desk with a silver gun pointed at her. On the desktop itself was the poster that Kikyo had been using to hide the safe, along with a dull, stained rock and an A5 blue notepad.

“You did it!” Kagome screamed hysterically, her hand shaking so badly that the clips inside the gun rattled. “You tried to kill me!”

………………………&# 8230;………………………… …

Fackyews (because I like `em)

 

You know when you said Zero-G would only be 15 chapters long…?

Yes. I lied.

How do you pronounce `vitamin' and `mobile'?

VIT - rhymes with `bit' - A-MIN. And MO - rhymes with `moe' - BILE - rhymes with… uh… `bile'. But that's not british pronunciation, that's just a different pronunciation.

Do you hate Americans?

No. Love `em to pieces. I've been to America twice and have found everyone to be wonderfully polite and openly friendly. British people seem like stuck-up, anal-retentive, overly- mistrusting rats compared to Americans. The food portions are fantastic and thanks to the economy, I get better value on Amazon-dot-com than Amazon-dot-co-dot-uk. The only thing I dislike is people giving me grief over doing things slightly differently. These people may not even be American.

Do you enjoy being rude and sarcastic to people?

If you haven't realised by now that the Fackyews are just one big joke that isn't to be taken seriously… then you probably won't ever understand my sense of humour.

You're incredibly witty… unless you spend ages trying to think of comebacks.

Um… :five minutes later: I'll get back to you on that one…

You sound like Ron Weasley?! Oh no! Bad mental image/voice!

Ever seen `Absolutely Fabulous'? Try the sensible daughter's accent. Or, if you haven't seen Ab Fab, try `Jonathon Creek' and look out for the blonde sidekick. If you haven't seen either… you're a poor deprived person.

How old are you really? I find it hard to believe that you're only 17.

Welp… can't help you there. I could be an unemployed thirty year old man who is still living with his mother. But we'll never know, will we?

Will you marry me?

Already married to the fine and bootylicious Midoriko-sama. We're so happy in fact, that we're renewing our wedding vows in Hawaii.

What do you have against paedophiles?

Other than the fact that, as a child, I was never allowed to walk home alone from school because paedophiles in green cars used to drive up and down the school road, pick out the solitary children, entice them into the cars with sweets, and then leave their bodies in motorway ditches…? Nah, I'm sure they're perfectly nice people once you get to know them. But excuse me if I'm a little prejudice.

Isn't -kun only for men?

Ding, ding! Already answered this question. Look back at the earlier fackyews, please. (Ok, let's make you're life easier: No, it's not only for men.)

Why does it take you so long to update? Are you just a slow typer?

I type at an average of 100 words a minute. It's not super-duper fast, but it ain't slow either. It takes me so long to update because - god forbid - I have a life to lead… or… just usher in some vague direction.

How come you say `let her mind wonder' instead of the right way `let her mind WANDER'?!

Because it's a TYPO!!

How come Souta knows what a paedophile is? He's only ten.

I knew what a paedophile was when I was ten. I know I'm a freak, but it's not unreasonable.

Why do you have so many unfinished fics?

I have a lot of unfinished things. Fics, picture, poems, symphonies, answers to questions. Honestly, I'm so lazy it's a wonder I ever write complete sentences or…