Kim Possible Fan Fiction ❯ Tales of The Awkward ❯ The Grisly Murder of Routine ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: S-Chrome
What happens when routine is taken for a ride, hogtied, taken to the back alley, beaten over the head repeatedly with a blunt object and left for dead?

Non Anime: Kim Possible Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 03.21.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 550 | Status: Work In Progress

Tales of The Awkward: Chapter Two

Does anyone know what routine was?
Well, most would say the same old, same old. Some liked it. Others loved it. Some didn't like it. Kim Possible is of the ilk that happens to be fine with good ol' routine. Same old high school, same old exemplary grades. same old cheer practice. same old putting Bonnie in her place, and the same old saving the world from psychotic mad scientists and green women... And so on, and so on. Little did the girl with red hair realize that on this day routine was going to be taken for a little ride, hog-tied, taken to the back alley, beaten over the head repeatedly with a blunt object, and left for dead.
Today, she was busy breaking and entering her same old locker on a same old Monday morning when her same old crush, Josh came strolling by.
"Hey, Kim," The mellow artist greeted.
Naturally, Kim had her same old reaction to her same old crush.
"Hiiii, Josh," She said slowly. She felt like she had more to say to him, but he had walked off. Time always seemed to quicken up when he was around her. So she did the same old routine when that happened; stare at the artist's cute heinie as he ventured toward his destination.
Don't we all just love routine?
...and don't we all just love the word 'heinie?'
"Enjoying the view?"
Kim knew the voice coming from behind her, it was her same old best female friend, Monique. It's good that it was. Just imagine if it was anyone else catching her staring at the young artist's bodacious bootae. Yeah, just a tad bit embarrassing.
"Oh, hey, Monique," Kim replied, a nervous flush disappating from her face. "What's new?"
"I'll tell you what isn't; you and that boy," She joked. "For someone who saves the world almost on a daily basis, you'd think you would be able to squeeze a couple of sentences in his presence."
Monique had her dead to rights, as usual... Why did she have to be so gosh-darn perceptive all the time?
"I know," She confessed, her eyes staring at the fine and shiny linoleum floors. "But hey, we're still sophomores. There's still time, right?"
"Same old excuse," Monique admonished, shaking her head.
See? It was the same old routine and the status quo. Josh walks by, says hello. Kim is absolutely too awestruck to string a couple of sentences together. As a result, Kim stares at Josh's firm and fine backside. Monique attempts to set her straight. Advice goes in through one ear and out the oth...
"Hey, ladies," A smooth male voice said.
Monique was the first to turn and see who it was.
"Hey, wooooah"
"Hey," Kim said normally. She was still busy at her locker and didn't get a look at the boy who was saying hello.
"Hiii, my name is Monique," She introduced. "I'm a sophomore, a Taurus, an aspiring actress, and..." She yanked the unknown boy's hand and pulled him close to her. "...a firm believer of love at first sight," She whispered seductively. From a foot or two away, Kim was curious to know who this guy was who stoked Mo's fires so quickly.
"Come onnn, Mo. It's me, Ron," He whined.
"Ron?" Monique said, her eyes narrowed toward him. "What are you doing looking all good?"
Ok... Ron looking good? The redhead quickly shut her locker and whirled around to see this.
Monique was right. She was almost certain she was not looking at the same person she always knew. He didn't look any different physically, but he certain did look good. Instead of his trademark red shirt with black turtleneck, he had on a black golf shirt (Nope, no alligator logo on the top left, he wasn't a rich man.) His in-style circa 1998 baggy cargo pants were replaced my more fitted khakis, and to complete the ensemble (the what?), his normal Air (Urr) Force None's were axed in favor of casual black low-top sneakers. Probably Scratchers or whatever the hell you call em... K-Alps?
Kim looked him over once more, and even more slowly. She wasn't exactly believing her eyes at this point. She took a look at the top of his head... Here was a scoop; his hair wasn't unkempt. It was actually... kempt!
The redhead was dumbstruck, or was she struck dumb? She couldn't believe her eyes. Her best friend was looking good... In fact, real good.
"OK, Ron. What's the occasion?" She asked suspiciously.
"No occasion, K.P. I figured my old stuff got a little old. So I raided the ol' closet and this is what I came with," He explained calmly. "Besides, it kinda works for me, doesn't it?"
Before she could surmise an answer, Monique chimed in. "Yes, Yes it does."
"Yeeeahh, what she said," The redhead, issuing the fashion store clerk a slight glare. She wanted to delve deeper into this change of pace, but a certain ring restricted that.
"Later, ladies. Gotta get to Italian, capice?" He said, feigning an accent of a mobster.
"Oh, Ron, you're soooo funny. Say, can you walk me to class?" Monique said in fully valley girl tone as she trailed the now somewhat attractive blond.
The teen adventurer was shocked at this turn of events. An attractive Ron? Heck, she had to admit it to herself. This definitely wasn't routine or the status quo. This was not the same old, same old. She knew in the back of her mind that routine must've been hogtied, beaten over the head repeatedly with a blunt object, and left for dead somewhere.
She just hoped that the culprits would be brought to justice.
The next couple of days bought little change. In fact, as the days went by, more attention of the girls began to shift over to her clumsy sidekick. Well, at least he was still clumsy, wasn't he?

Thursday, March 16th, Cheerleader Practice, 4:30PM
Middleton High School, Middleton, United States of America
All work and no play makes Jack a virgin
All work and no play makes Jack a virgin
All work and no play makes Jack a virgin
All work and no play makes Jack a virgin

"M-A-D! D-O-G!"
The fine, and elite eight cheerleaders did they're thing on the vacant basketball court under the watchful eye of Mr. Barkin. Amidst acrobatic cartwheels, splits, and pom-poms all over the place, six of the eight began to tough practice of doing ... (gasp)... the Pyramid. It took surgeon-like precision to get this scheme correct. Tara, Crystal, and Maggie formed the base. Bonnie and Liz successfully created the center. Kim was ready to take her place at the top. She made a running start, did a somersault that would make Jackie Chan jealous had he not been so old, and made it to the top. To an outside observer, it looked like she had stuck the landing. Buuuut...
"Whoa... Whoa..." Kim murmured as she tried to keep balance. She thought she had had the landing. Ugh... she must've been distracted. Either that, or Bonnie had a very light lunch today.
Either way, the head cheerleader was beginning to teeter at the top, which was sending a nasty sway throughout the all-girl pyramid.
The laws of physics... or whatever science it's called tells us that without a well-defined and firm base, the top will topple... Which doesn't seem to apply to Jessica Simpson...
Ergo, down went the pyramid, and down went Kim.
Distraction had never had such a nasty consequence.
The auburn-haired girl had her hands out in front of her as she was about to have an impromptu meeting, or should we say collision with the newly waxed hardwood floor when something... or someone swooped in and caught her at the last minute.
Meeting cancelled.
All throughout the fall, Kim had her eyes closed. Until she realized what had happened, she kept her eyes shut. When she had realized that she was being cradled, she exhaled in obvious relief.
"Whew... Nice save, Mr..." Her eyes fluttered open.
"Ron!"
"K.P. A-Are you OK?" He asked, his voice strangely soothing to the redhead. She was speechless, as were the other cheerleaders who were tangled up in an otherwise hideous pile up. My goodness! How could he have done that? He was way away from her last time she checked and just like that, he catches her as she's about to make a nasty touchdown with mother Earth? Unbelievable! This meant that... Ron wasn't as clumsy as he used to be...
Shock!
Awe!
Signal of The Apocalypse?

Surefire Signs of The Apocalypse:
1. Fire rains down from the sky
2. The world is plunged into eternal darkness
3. Jesse McCartney's career as an actor is a success.

4. Ron Stoppable is no longer clumsy.

After realizing that it was her sidekick who made the heroic effort, she did what any teen heroine would do.
If you thought scream, you thought wrong.
If you thought faint, you were close, but wrong.
The term our panel was looking for was: Black Out.
Kim blinked her eyes several times. Why were the lights so bright?
"OK, She looks fine," A female voice said as she took the flashlight away from the redhead's weary green eyes.
She had gathered that the voice was the nurse. A few murmurs came from around her. What had happened to her? All she had remembered was that Ron had saved her from a horrible fate and that the apocalypse was coming. She raised up to see most of her fellow cheerleaders, with the exception of a couple, had formed a circle of concern (so to speak) around her. OK... She was fine, and the girls seemed to be relieved, but where was...?
"K.P.!"
Before you could say 'pulchritudinous', Ron had raced over and smothered her in an embrace. The rest of the cheer squad cooed and awww'ed at the blond's sudden affection.
Kim was at a loss, even more so than before. What was even more confusing was the fact that while Ron's hug was making it hard to breathe, she didn't want to have it end at the given time.
"Ron... P.D.A.!" She managed to croak out.
"Ohh... Sorry," He uttered, a slight flush of embarrasment on his face. "Y-You really scared me back there," He said, his brown eyes staring a hole into her sole... or is it soul?
Yeah, the latter.
She must've been feeling faint again, as a feeling of sudden warmth began wash over her. This never happened before... Not with Ron, anyway. What madness was going on here?
With a deft lift from the blond in question, Kim awkwardly made it back to her feet. The rest of practice went on without further incident. That led to a stroll through the neighborhood. Neither Kim or Ron spoke much. This led her to believe that maybe her sidekick was just as nervous as she was. Heck, it was the best that she could hope for at this point. She was also surprised to find that they passed Bueno Nacho, Ron's favorite... fast food joint.
"No Bueno Nacho today?" She asked.
"No way, K.P. I've gotta get you home," He said, the concern still in his voice.
While that was nice... She was fine, she guessed.
"That's sweet, but I'm fine, Ron."
"Well, either way. I'm not feeling Bueno Nacho-y right now. It will be my honor to escort you home."
Darn it! Ron had walked her home thousands of times before, and now it was his honor? Grrr... What was this? Charm? Coming from Ron Stoppable...Just about the most tactless boy in the tri-city area? She was thinking that, but the boy's sincere smile made it a tough task to hide the developing flush in her cheeks. What was going on this week? Why was Ron sooo darn different this week? Where the heck was Rufus? And... Why is it so warm? It was March! Early March!
She knew that one of these days, Ron was going to become a bit more mature. But this was 0 to 60 in like... three seconds.
"That's... really... sweet of you, Ron. But I'm fine."
"You're all red, K.P. I don't think you are."
Well, maybe if he wasn't around, maybe she wouldn't be so red.
"I'm... fine... Ron," She said through gritted teeth.
"Uh-uh," He said with a shake of the head.
"Uh-huh," She insisted.
"Uh-uh,"
"Uh-huh."
(And they say the art of conversation is dead. I mean, did they figure that out all by themselves, or did they need a cheat sheet?)
"Ron, I really am OK."
"Oh yeah? Well, what happened back there, then? That doesn't happen like... ever," Ron said of the incident just a little over an hour ago.
"I was just... thinking too much, that's all."
"Oh, really?" He asked with a knowing grin. "Thinking about Wild Mankey Love then, yes?"
"No!"
"I bet you were."
"No, I wasn't."
"Yeeees you were."
"No, I wasn't!" She almost yelled, startling the blond. "I was thinking about you!"
Oops...

Critical Error 110A: Feminine slip of the tounge.
Forecast: A fairly good amount of tense eyeballing with a 50 percent chance of severe awkward silence.

Critical Error 110A: Feminine slip of the tounge. Critical Error 110A: Feminine slip of the tounge. Critical Error 110A: Feminine slip of the tounge. Critical Error 110A: Feminine slip of the tounge. Critical Error 110A: Feminine slip of the tounge. Critical Error 110A: Feminine slip of the tounge. Critical Error 110A: Feminine slip of the tounge. Critical Error 110A: Feminine slip of the tounge. Critical Error 110A: Feminine slip of the tounge. Critical Error 110A: Feminine slip of the tounge.
"Oh," Ron muttered.
Well, now that the proverbial cat was out of the bag, she may as well elaborate on it.
"Ron, look at you," Kim began. "I mean... Last week you barely were able to walk straight, let alone stand up straight. And now... You're not clumsy, you dress different... and... well... I didn't expect you to change overnight..."
"Kim, I didn't change... I'm still the same ol' Ron... I haven't been clumsy because..."
Whilst the redhead wasn't buying this, Ron was beginning to dig...
"...Eh..."
Still waiting.
"I... had a good week. Yeah, a good week," He gathered. "B-But I'm still the same old Ron."
She looked at him and smiled. A little reassurance went a long way. Ten seconds after he let it sink in... Surprise! His fresh pair of jeans falls down.
"Eh... See? Same old Ron," He said sheepishly.
It was rather impolite to laugh at someone else's misfortune. Obviously, Kim didn't get the memo. She let out a hearty laugh as Ron scrambled to pull his pants back up. The teen heroine's suspicions and fears were quelled for the moment, which was good because they were about a block away from her house.
It was good to get things wrapped up before she got home and really thought about stuff.
As they got to the front door, the odd feeling of anxiety crept back within her. They must've stood there for a couple of minutes before either one said anything.
"Uh... I guess this is... last stop," Ron said, his left hand massaging his neck.
"Y-Yeah. Well... Seeya later, Ron."
"Later, K.P.," He said.
She was glad that this was over, now she could focus on...
Smack
Oh... No. Did Ron just...?
Before she knew what happened, Ron was waving at her from down the block, and she was tracing a spot on her cheek where her best friend just... kissed her.
With her heart pounding much like it did an hour or so ago, she ran into the house, up the stairs without so much as a 'good afternoon' to her mom and dad, continued the march to her room and promptly locked the door.
It was obvious that Routine and the Status Quo were both ruthlessly murdered. She didn't know what was going to happen next between herself and her best friend but she definitely knew one thing...
It was ridiculously hot...and she was about due for a shower.

End of Chapter Two