Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ "I Seek the Sun but I Desire the Rain" ❯ "I Seek the Sun but I Desire the Rain" ( Chapter 1 )

Title: “I Seek the Sun but I Desire the Rain”

Author: Catbeastaisha

Pairings: Sora/Riku

Theme(s): Embrace, Rain/Storm

Disclaimer: Riku, Sora, Kairi, and the rest of the cast of Kingdom Hearts (and its sequels) are all property of Disney and Square Enix.

Warning: Shonen ai (aka: Male Pairing, light and fluffy, no sex)

 

 

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In my dreams… there's always rain.

 

The moment that I close my eyes to this world and open them in that one, I can already feel the rain running down my skin. Then again, perhaps I only imagine it to be touching me, flowing in little streams and getting caught in the neat little weave of my clothes. After all, in dreams, you're not supposed to be able to feel anything. It must just be a vivid part of my imagination that tells me that the drops feel cold on my skin, that my hair is wet on my forehead…

 

That you're standing behind me, even though I don't turn around.

 

I want to turn around but I can't move. I know, if I turn to look, you'll be gone. I feel you take a step forward, feel you closing the distance between us. There's this awareness that runs down my neck and spine as you get closer, making me suppress the urge to spin my head to see you.

 

I want to see you.

 

You pause right behind me, so close I can feel (or imagine to feel) the warmth of your breath beside my right ear, causing me to quiver at the unexpected heat. You say something but I don't hear anything, I just somehow know that you spoke. I begin to ask you what it is, what you're trying to tell me, when I feel your arms slide around me, tugging me from behind and pulling me towards you. My back connects against your body and it feels so firm and real that for a moment, I forget I'm dreaming. Dreams can't possibly feel this real.

 

You nuzzle your head against mine and I catch a glimpse of your silver hair out of the corner of my eye, drops of water sprinkling from it and landing on me. Some of it hits my eyes and I have to blink it out, feeling the moisture sliding down my face as I do so. I open my mouth, again to ask you what you'd been trying to say, when you speak. This time, I hear your voice but it sounds far away, like you're whispering from a distance of ten yards. I try to lean my head closer to hear you, still keeping my gaze averted to draw this encounter out as long as I can, when you nudge my ear with your nose and brush your lips against my neck.

 

The rain keeps falling.

 

Your lips are cool, like the rain, and you delicately, deliberately, place another two kisses before pausing to nibble just under my earlobe, your teeth gently holding my skin. I press closer to you and your grip tightens around me, clutching me possessively.

 

I want to tell you how much you mean to me, how hard I've been looking to find you. I want to break down as I tell you about every fear and doubt I've had along the way, about how sometimes, even when I didn't want to think about it, the little voice would whisper in the back of my mind that I would never find you again. And how, sometimes, even when I knew in my heart that it wasn't true… I still believed it.

 

At the same time, I don't want to tell you that. I don't want to tell you anything. I just want to stand here, with you behind me, holding me like this as the rain continues to pour. If I spoke now, if I said anything at all, the rain might stop and this might go away. I might cause something to happen that would take this, take you away from me.

 

…I don't want that.

 

But even as I think it, the cascade of silver that had once been falling was slowly starting to cease its decent. Desperate, I reach for your arms, dig my fingers into your skin as I hear you laugh lightly from behind me, as though my panicked response is in some way amusing. I cry out to you with my heart, begging you to stay but already I can hear her voice calling me and the sunlight begins to penetrate the dark. Your lips touch against my neck one last time as you pull away from my grasp. Heedless of everything I turn in time to see you, solid, with a smile on your lips.

 

Your name breaks past my lips as her voice rings on in the background, each time a new ray of light pierces through the dark. You begin fading from sight, still smiling at me as your shape becomes less tangible and more like the morning mist. This time, there is no mistaking the water falling down my cheeks as I cry out for you, louder, trying to drown out her voice and bring you back to me. Rushing forward, thinking that somehow, this time, I would be able to reach you, that it would be different, I grab for your hand and try to pull you towards me.

 

My hand passes through.

 

You keep smiling, your lips silently mouthing three little words that I can't hear but still they echo louder in my mind than her calls.

 

When I wake, the sheets are soaked and my breathing is ragged, as though I'd never been asleep at all and really had been standing in the rain with you, somehow whisked away back to my bed. Maybe it hadn't really been you who'd faded away but me, and I just hadn't realized it at the time. Funny…

 

The tears feel the same.