Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ [MSTing] MFT9K Episode I: Hands to Scorch My Skin ❯ Part One ( Chapter 1 )

*Turn The Lights Off*

(Things Just Look Better That Way)

 

DISCLAIMER: Mystery Science Theatre 3000 and its characters are copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. and are borrowed under the Fair Rights Use Act for the sake of humour only. No money is made from the production of this MSTing.

Any and all mentions of songs, fictional works, television shows, ect ect are copyrighted and owned by their respective creators and are used under the Fair Rights Use Act for the sake of humour only.

 

Kingdom Hearts and its related characters are the property of Square-Enix and Disney.

 

Hands to Scorch My Skin is the property of Kainichi and is borrowed with permission for the sake of MSTing. Please note that no insult or offense is meant by this MSTing; it is meant, instead, as simply another form of C&C. The original, un-MSTed version is linked at the end of this MSTing.

 

 

 

MYSTERY FANFIC THEATRE 9000
BY: Kyronea
EPISODE I: Hands To Scorch My Skin

(Cue Theme Song In Five...Four...Three...Two....One...)

 

 

In The Not Too Distant Future

In an Alternate Universe

Mike Nelson and Joel Robinson

Are Plagued By An Endless Curse

 

Caught By Forrester and His Mother Pearl

Two Evil Scientists Out To Rule The World

Their Experiment Needed a Good Test Case

So They Tied Up Mike and Joel and Shot 'Em Into Space!

 

MIKE : LET! US! DOWN!

JOEL: OH GOD NOT AGAIN!

 

PEARL AND CLAYTON:

We'll Send Them Cheesy Fanfics!

The Worst We Can Find! (La-La-La!)

They'll Have To Sit And Read Them All

While We Monitor Their Minds! (La-La-La!)

 

Now Mike And Joel Have No Control

Over When the Fanfic's Begin Or End

Because They Used Those Special Parts

To Remake Their Robot Friends!

 

ROBOT ROLL CALL:

 

CAMBOT! (Let's Go!)

 

GYPSY! (I'll Take Care Of Ya!)

 

TOM SERVO! (Isn't This Fun?!)

 

CROOOOOOOOW! (Again! Again!)

 

If You're Wondering How They Eat And Breath

Or Other Science Facts (La-La-La!)

Just Repeat To Yourself: "It's Just A MiST!"

"I Should Really Just Relax!"

For Mystery Fanfic Theatre 9000!

 

 

 

The lens of Cambot panned over the bridge of the new Satellite of Love, taking in all the sights and sounds, especially the fancy new centre table, full of displays and shining lights, along with the traditional buttons used to contact the Mads. If Cambot had a voice, it would be sighing right now; Cambot was NOT happy about resuming his duties, not at all.

 

Suddenly, the gumball dispenser shaped head of Tom Servo popped into view. “Hi folks,” he whispered. “Welcome back to the Satellite of Love. I know what you're thinking: what're we doing back, right?” Tom did his best to shrug; it ended up more of a wave of his body. “I'd like to know that too, but Joel and Mike aren't tellin'.”

 

“Tom!” The voice of Gypsy called from one corner of the bridge. “Come here!”

 

“Coming, coming…” Tom answered as he made his way over to the corner, where Joel Robinson and Mike Nelson awaited him, along with the hovering Gypsy. They stood over Crow T. Robot, who was only just now coming online. “Oh, hey Crow!” Tom said. “Nice to have you back, buddy!”

 

“Nice to be back,” Crow muttered as he looked around. “Where are we? What happened?” Then he noticed Joel standing over him. “Joel?! What're you doing here?!”

 

Joel laughed. “Well, it's kind of a long story…”

 

“We're back on the Satellite of Love, Crow,” Mike interjected.

 

“Oh…oh joy.” Crow sighed and pulled himself to his feet. “Shoulda figured. I knew living on Earth was too good to last.” He peered around the bridge, noting the various differences and the overall higher-technological look of the place. “So how'd we get here, anyway?”

 

Mike pointed squarely at Joel. “Blame him. It's his fault.”

 

Joel rolled his eyes; they'd clearly argued about this before. “Now, Mike, come on…you were the one who wanted to use the portal before it was tested…”

 

“And you let me!”

 

“Only because you kept bugging me about it!”

 

“Well yeah, because the idea was really cool! Why would you show it to me if you didn't want to use it anyway?”

 

“I was just showing you a prototype for kicks!”

 

Tom and Crow could barely contain their laughter; fortunately, Gypsy held a cooler head. “Now calm down, you two,” she consoled as she waved her giant purple head at the two humans. “It doesn't matter whose fault it is. It happened and we gotta deal with it.”

 

“'Course it would be nice to know exactly WHAT happened…” Tom muttered.

 

Mike glared at Joel, who after a moment decided to answer Tom. “Well, like I said, it's kind of a long story.” He coughed a bit, clearing his throat. “See, not too long after you guys got back to Earth, I thought I'd show you some of my new inventions! I never got out of the habit of makin' them.

 

“And I got this idea after watching an episode of Sliders: what if I invented a real portal to parallel universes? Neat idea, huh?”

 

“Oh, yes, wonderful,” Mike cursed under his breath.

 

“Did it work?” Crow asked.

 

“You bet it did!” Joel answered with a proud grin, though a renewed glare from Mike dissolved it. “Mike made me use it a little earlier than I wanted, but it took all of us here. Well…actually it took us to a different version of Deep Thirteen, but that's not the point.”

 

“Wait…if we came with you, why don't we remember anything?” Gypsy inquired.

 

Joel grimaced. “Like I said…I didn't get a chance to test it. It kinda overloaded your bodies.”

 

“Boom,” Mike clarified with a gesture showing an explosion.

 

If the bots had blood, it would be freezing solid right now. As it was, they all—even Cambot—did their best imitation of a human shiver of fright.

 

Joel smiled again. “Luckily your memory was still mostly intact, so all we had to do was rebuild your bodies.”

 

After a few more moments of shivering, Crow finally managed to say “But that still doesn't explain how we ended up here…”

 

“Oh, that? Again, his fault,” Mike gestured vaguely in Joel's direction.

 

Joel grimaced again, but managed to fight the urge to argue back. “Well, like I said, we ended up in some kinda alternate Deep Thirteen, only we didn't realize it at first.”

 

“And bozo here decided he wanted to explore…I was all for getting the hell out of there, but nooo, Joel wanted to look around!”

 

“Mike!” Gypsy shouted impatiently. “Would you PLEASE calm down, already?!”

 

Squeezing his fist, Mike bit off a sharp retort and crossed his arms over his chest, pouting. After a moment, he sighed and said, “Sorry, Joel.”

 

Joel acknowledged the apology with a nod. “It's okay, Mike; we're all stressed out.” At the sight of Tom and Crow gesturing furiously for him to continue, Joel quietly grinned. “Anyway, we looked around, and when we realized we were in Deep Thirteen, we decided to beat it. Unfortunately, it was too late.”

 

“Gasp!” Tom and Crow whispered.

 

“We felt someone behind us grab us by the shoulders and force us to turn around.” Joel did his best to make this sound spooky, which was unfortunately fell rather flat.

 

Tom and Crow gasped again anyway. “Who was it?” Gypsy inquired, staying perfectly calm.

 

Joel said simply, “Dr. Forrester and Pearl.”

 

“Dr. Forrester AND Pearl?!” Tom and Crow shouted in amazement.

 

“Yeah, I almost thought we'd gone back in time to when Pearl was visiting him,” Mike said, “but nope; she's his partner.”

 

“And actually the guy who turned us around was some lackey of theirs,” Joel added, “Some huge guy called Frank “The Bobo” Erhardt.” He shook his head in bemusement. “It was like the universe was mocking us…”

 

“We've mocked it a bunch of times; it was bound to happen,” Crow philosophized.

 

“Well, the rest seems pretty obvious to me,” Tom said sardonically. “They needed someone for their experiments and since you two doofuses delivered yourselves to their doorstep…”

 

Mike and Joel could only nod sadly at that.

 

“I wonder what they'll do to us…” Gypsy pondered after a few moments of silence.

 

“Oh, like that's hard to figure out!” Crow gestured wildly. “They're gonna make us watch movie after bad movie while they monitor our minds, blah blah blah, every freakin' time…”

 

“Wrong, booby!” the ever-devilish voice of Dr. Clayton Forrester boomed from the speakers as his visage appeared on the screen. Like the one the SoL occupants had known in their own universe, this Dr. Forrester had black and white hair in a strewn-about Einstein-like style, green-framed spectacles dangling off his rather pointy nose and a lime green lab coat rather shoddily buttoned-up. A despicably sadistic green graced his face as he stared upon his lab rats with glee. On his right, standing amongst the disorganized papers, beakers, and other pieces of lab equipment stood his mother, Pearl Forrester, who like her son wore a lime green lab coat, while her face was covered with make-up. The make-up just made her own grin look hideous. Somewhere in the background Frank “The Bobo” Erhardt could be heard puttering about with a broom, though Mike, Joel and the Bots couldn't see him.

 

“Whaddya mean, wrong?” Crow challenged, trying to sound brave, though his voice was shaking just a wee bit; Dr. Forrester always had creeped him out more than Pearl did since his voice was so similar to Crow's own. Joel patted his shoulder to bolster his confidence.

 

“Oh, I'm sorry, did we disappoint you?” Pearl mocked with a little laugh. “We're not going to give you movies.”

 

“That's right!” her son added, with one of his signature evil chuckles. “Oh, we were going to at first, but when we heard Joel and Mike talking on and on about being forced to watch bad movies and how it never seemed to work…well, we thought we'd try something a little different.”

 

“Different?” Tom asked with a hint of fear as Crow glared fierce daggers of irritation at Joel and Mike, who could only hang their heads in shame.

 

“Oho, yes!” Dr. Forrester almost started to hop with merriment, but he managed to control himself. “It took quite a bit of doing, but I've managed to rig up the theatre for our alternative.” He scratched his chin in thought. “Now that I think about it, I wonder why we didn't just do this from the start…”

“Clayton!” Pearl startled her son out of his thoughts; if she left him like that he could sometimes go for hours…sometimes it was a wonder anything got done around the laboratory.

 

“Oh, sorry mother.” He coughed, clearing his throat. “Now, where was I…ah, yes, your inevitable doom.” He sent a new grin to his prisoners.

 

Crow summoned up his courage and fired off, “Oh yeah, Dr. Forrester?! Well we can take whatever you dish out!”

 

“Yeah!” Tom agreed. “Crow and I've been putting up with this crap for ten years! You're not gonna break us now!”

 

Mike pumped his fist and stepped forward so he was standing next to the bots. “You got that right!”

 

Gypsy positioned herself right behind them and gave an agreeing nod.

 

Joel put his face in his hands; unlike his friends, he wasn't quite so enthusiastic. Sure, he knew he could deal with whatever they sent, but there was no reason to be melodramatic. “You guys…” he moaned.

 

Dr. Forrester and Pearl shared a deliciously evil laugh. This went on for nearly a full minute before they finally managed to quiet down. Wiping away tears of mirth, Dr. Forrester finally responded, “Oh really? Do you think you can stand the horrors of…” he paused for a brief moment to give it that extra oomph “fanfiction?!”

 

“FANFICTION?!” shrieked Tom and Crow with horror as Mike placed his head against a nearby wall and started to bang it against the wall every few seconds.

 

Joel on, the other hand, seemed rather nonchalant. “Fanfiction, huh?” He shook his head and shrugged. “You are two evil mamajamas, you know that?”.

 

“Well, we try!” Pearl said proudly, beaming. “And besides, you have no one but yourselves to blame!” She laughed again.

 

Joel, Mike, and the Bots all looked at each other, and as one, they nodded and resummoned their courage. “Alright, Dr. F, Pearl,” Mike said. “Let us have it.”

 

“Oh, want to skip right to it, eh?” Dr. Forrester asked, looking a little disappointed. “I was hoping we could have some more fun.” With a shrug, he shouted “Frank! Get over here!”

 

Frank “The Bobo” Erhardt stepped into view. He was quite a big man, with a commanding presence, though unlike good old TV's Frank he was all muscle. He had a rather bushy beard and an oddly shaped face that gave him a bit of a chimp-ish look, and he wore a rather short, white lab coat that looked two sizes too small for him. Hefting his broom, he asked, “Yes sir, Dr. Forrester?” in a voice that sounded rather what like one might expect were the current and old voices of Tom Servo crossed together with TV's Frank's.

 

“Go get the fanfic, Bobo,” Pearl ordered. With a nod of his head, Erhardt dashed over to the file cabinet to withdraw it, and brought it over.

 

Pearl turned her attention back to Mike, Joel and the Bots. “Well, since you four want to get to it, we're going to start things off with a Kingdom Hearts fanfic called Hands to Scorch My Skin. It's by Kainichi, and—though a little long—“

 

“Lot long…” Dr. Forrester emphasized.

 

“Lot long,” Pearl continued after a brief glare at her son, “and not quite as bad as what we'll be sending to you after this, it'll be a good test run.” She shrugged. “After all, whatever experience you might have, we've never done this before.”

 

She gestured to Erhardt. “Send it to them, Bobo.” To the humans and Bots, she said, “Read it and weep, boys!”

 

Without a word, Erhardt fed the fanfic into a feeder in front of him and hit a shiny red button.

 

Instantly, loud klaxons wailed and multi-coloured lights strobed and flashed as the bridge shook. “Oh, we've got FANFIC sign!” everyone shouted as they made their way into the theatre.

 

 

(DOOR SIX: A Velvet Curtain Opens Up)

 

(DOOR FIVE: An Iris Straight Out Of Stargate SG-1 Whirls Open)

 

(DOOR FOUR: A Door From Star Trek: TOS, Complete With The Sound, Opens)

 

(DOOR THREE: A Thick Iron Blast Shield Lowers Into The Floor)

 

(DOOR TWO: A Buzzing Forcefield Deactivates)

 

(DOOR ONE: Twin Vault-Style Wheels Spin And The Door Opens Up To Either Side)

 

Joel carried Tom into the theatre and placed him on the far left chair, sitting down next to him. Mike sat on Joel's right and Crow sat in the far-most right seat.

 

“So,” Mike said, “Here we go again...I've never riffed a fanfic before...”

 

“Don't worry, Mike...we can handle it,” Joel consoled.

 

“Yeah, once we get into our rhythm we'll do peachy-keen!” Crow said as cheerfully as he could. Then he started to bawl. “Ah, who am I kidding? We're doomed! Doomed!”

 

“Ssh, ssh...” Joel whispered. “We'll be okay.”

 

“Speak for yourself, Robinson...” Tom muttered. They all quieted as the fic began.

 

> Hands to Scorch my Skin

>

 

MIKE(Kilgore): I love the smell of burning hands in the morning.

 

> Pairings: Axel/OC

TOM: Pairings? Oh, great...romance.

 

CROW: Joel, what's OC mean?

JOEL: Original character.

 

CROW: Ooh, a Mary Sue!

>

> Rating: unknown

>

> Summery: How can his eyes seem so cold while the rest of him is

> burning?

 

MIKE: That's called insanity, dear.

 

> My name is Kazumi and I am a servant.

ALL: Hi, Kazumi!

 

> Not a servant to some pompous rich guy, oh no

TOM(Sarcastic): Oh, is the great Kazumi too good for rich people?

 

> I am a servant to an organization. Organization XIII.

MIKE: So, in other words, a group of pompous rich people.

CROW: A group of pompous rich Nobodies, thank you.

 

MIKE: Can you really have a rich Nobody?

TOM: Well, sure. What do you call Rupert Murdoch?

 

> I have served the XIII since it began, when Xemnas was `born'.

> I was fourteen when it started, fifteen when his first follower

> joined. Oh, and before you ask, I'm a Somebody. Still got my heart.

>

CROW: Not to mention the hearts of every male character in the Kingdom Hearts universe.

 

JOEL: Ah, Mary Sues…is there anything they can't achieve?

 

>

> Well, I should probably start this story. This story begins on my birthday.

CROW: Woohoo!

TOM: Party!

 

> Not just any birthday, mind you, but my eighteenth birthday.

 

CROW: Saaay...

 

> Now, I know to any other girl this would be a cause of

> celebration, but not for me. For me it only meant one, terribly

> dreadful thing.

 

MIKE(Kazumi): I have to stop eating Kid's Meals at McDonald's!

 

> It meant I had come of age.

 

CROW: Oh, great, now she'll have to use painsticks and—

 

JOEL: Wrong species, Crow.

 

>

> Xemnas had only two rules;

TOM: One: Don't talk about the Organization.

 

MIKE: Two: Don't talk about the Organization!

> don't disobey and don't touch the underage servants.

JOEL(Kazumi): They tend to break and they're really expensive!

 

> He'd made the second after he caught Larxene lip-locking

> with the sixteen-year-old chef assistant.

> Now, I'm not stupid,

MIKE(Kazumi): I'm just intelligently challenged.

 

> I could see some of the men watching me. One, in particular always

> seemed to have his eye on me.

CROW: The return of the Crawling Eye!

 

>

> Xigbar, the first person to join up with Xemnas. The man was just

> plain creepy. It seemed that every time I turn around, there he was

> there.

JOEL(Bored Advertiser): This statement brought to you by the Department of Redundancy department.

 

> Normally, I would just walk away from him, not letting him get

> under my skin. But this day was different.

 

MIKE(Kazumi): I needed to exfoliate and he was available.

 

> I was no longer underage,

> no longer off limits, I was free game.

 

CROW: Woohoo! That's a saved quarter for me!

 

>

> I was sweeping the kitchen when he approached me.

TOM(Xigbar): Gonna score me a Kazumi, hehehe...

 

> I squeezed the handle of the broom so tightly; my knuckles began to turn white.

JOEL(Conspiring tone): We've secretly replaced Kazumi's broom with Folger's Crystals! Let's watch...

 

> I was prepared to use it as a weapon, if necessary.

MIKE(Kazumi): A Lethal Weapon!

 

*The others cringe from the awful pun*

TOM: Hahahaha—no.

 

>

> “Good day, Kazumi.” Xigbar said in an overly friendly way. “And happy

> birthday.”

>

CROW(Xigbar): I've got a present for you!

*Tom bounces in his chair*

TOM(Kazumi): Oooh, oooh, what is it?

CROW(Xigbar): My continued presence, of course!

TOM(Kazumi): …aww…I wanted a pony…

 

>

> I fixed my grip on the broom. “Thank you, sir. A good day to you as

> well.”

>

MIKE: No one will be admitted during the gripping “Greeting” scene!

 

> Xigbar picked up an apple. “How old are you turning again today?” he

> asked, before taking a bite.

TOM(Kazumi): Err...Seventeen! Blue! Pass!

>

> A lump formed in my throat and I couldn't make it go away.

> “E-eighteen, sir.”

>

> “Ah. So, what does it feel like to be an adult?”

>

 

JOEL(Kazumi): Shouldn't you know, sir?

 

> “No different than when I was seventeen, sir.” I quickly swept the

> collected dirt into a pan and dumped it into the trash can.

 

TOM: A metaphor for the story?

 

CROW: No, just a metaphor for her life.

 

*Joel and Mike wince*

 

> “Now, please excuse me, sir. I have to go do the rest of my chores.” I

> wanted to get away from him as fast as I could.

>

> “Wait a second.” He said as he grabbed a hold of my arm. He backed me

> against the counter, placing his face near mine. “I still have to

> give you your present, and I'd rather not wait till later.”

>

 

TOM: Uh...

 

CROW: Should we really be reading this?

MIKE(intrigued): Quiet! This might actually be interesting!

JOEL(Outraged): Mike!

MIKE: What?

 

> I turned my head away. “Sir, please let me go. Superior will be angry

> if I don't finish my work.”

>

> “Shush, he doesn't need to know.” He held my chin, running his thumb

> across my quivering bottom lip. “You know, I've been watching you for

> awhile now. You've grown so much since I first met you.”

>

TOM(Xigbar): You're ripening well, my dear...

 

> I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, but all sound escaped me.

 

MIKE: In a fanfic, no one can hear you scream...

 

> My entire body was shaking.

 

*Mike leans closer*

TOM: Uh, Mike...what're you doing?

> His breath was hot on my face and I could smell the apple on his breath.

 

*Mike leans even closer*

CROW: Mike...?

 

> My eyes started to water up so I squeezed them shut. I felt his lips brush

> against mine.

 

*Mike is leaning so close he's on the edge of his seat*

JOEL(Whispering): You're gonna fall...

 

> Then suddenly I could no longer feel his body pressing against me. I

> opened my eyes to see Xigbar shoved against the wall, an arm pressed

> to his throat. It was another member of the organization, his hood up.

>

 

*Mike falls over onto the theatre floor*

MIKE: D'oh!

*Joel shakes his head*

JOEL: Told ya...

> Xigbar gasped and struggled to pry the arm off. He coughed, his face

> starting to turn blue. The person released him and took a step back.

> “What the hell were you doing?” The person hissed.

>

TOM(Xigbar): I was...applying chapstick to her lips! Yes, that's it!

 

>

> Xigbar took in several deep breaths. He glared at the man. “None of

> your damn business!”

>

> “I wonder if Xemnas would feel the same way.”

>

 

TOM(Singing): I know you feel the same way I do...

 

> “Whatever.” Xigbar turned and left, after waving at me. “I'll see you

> later, Kazumi. We'll finish this then.” I shuddered.

> My savior

 

CROW: Jesus?

TOM: Muhammad?

 

MIKE: Buddha?

CROW: Moses?

TOM: Confucius?

 

MIKE: Shiva?

 

> sighed, annoyed. “Asshole.”

MIKE&BOTS: Oh.

 

JOEL: Well that's a weird name...

 

> He started to leave, but I grabbed his arm.

 

> He looked back at me. His face was overshadowed by

> the hood. “What?”

>

> I gulped. “I-I wanted to th-thank you, for saving me.”

 

TOM(Axel): Two hundred bucks, cash, and no trying to pass IOUs again!

 

> I cursed myself for stuttering. “Thank you, sir.”

>

MIKE: Uh, Kazumi, honey? That's not how you curse someone.

 

CROW: Yeah, it goes more like this. Ahem. YOU—

*Joel clamps Crow's beak shut with his hand*

JOEL: Shush.

 

> He nodded. “Xigbar's a jack ass; don't let him get to you.”

>

MIKE(Kazumi): But I'm out of Xigbar-B-Gone!

 

> “Y-yeah…” Damn it, I did it again. I scolded myself. “Um, w-would you

> mind taking down your h-hood so I can tell who you are and th-thank

> you p-properly.”

>

> “Sure, why not.” He pulled down his hood

ALL: Aah!

*They prepare to cover their eyes*

 

> and a mass of red spikes came out.

*They all let out a sigh of relief*

 

TOM: When Sonic the Hedgehog goes horribly, horribly wrong.

 

> Beneath each of his cold emerald eyes was a black line.

> “The name's Axel, kid. A-X-E-L, got it memorized?”

>

 

TOM(Kazumi): Sorry, what was that?

 

> I nodded. “Of course, Axel, sir. You're number VIII, right?

> You're the one who fought with the key blade master first, correct?”

>

 

TOM: Wasn't it technically Marluxia?

CROW: Actually, if you really want to get technical it was Xemnas.

 

TOM: What? When?

CROW: Remember? Final Mix? The new superboss? That was Xemnas.

TOM: Final Mix? But it didn't come to North America! It doesn't count!

CROW: Yes it does!

TOM: No it—

 

JOEL(Chuckling): Okay, you two…that's enough.

 

> Axel sighed. “Yeah, that's me. You want anything else, or can I go?”

>

JOEL(Mafia Guy): You want I should go rub somebody out?

 

> “O-oh! I'm so sorry, sir!” I bowed. “I didn't mean to be a bother.

> Please forgive me.”

>

 

MIKE(Axel): Fine, but next time, you're outta here!

 

> “It's fine.” He turned to walk away but paused. “Hey, kid? What's

> your name?”

>

 

CROW: I'm David Hasselhoff.

TOM: Bond. James Bond.

 

MIKE: Darkwing Duck!

JOEL: Call me Ishmael.

 

> I smiled at his back. “My name's Kazumi, sir. Thank you for asking.”

>

> He looked back at me and I could've sworn his eyes were a tiny bit

> warmer. “I'll see you again sometime, Kazumi.”

>

 

JOEL(Axel. Spookily): In the re-runs!

 

> My heart sped up. “Y-yes, sir…”

>

> jdhfkjsdhtishdfkjhs

ALL: What the—?!

CROW: Did Kainichi just fall on the keyboard...?

>

> “Hey, Demyx?” I spoke up as I scrubbed the floor of Demyx's, number

> IX of the organization, bathroom.

 

JOEL: Oh, I get it! It's a scene change line!

 

> Demyx was the only member I could really call my friend and talk to.

>

 

MIKE(Kazumi): Everybody else hated and feared my worship of Satan.

 

> Demyx was sitting on his bed, fiddling with his sitar. “Yeah, what is

> it, `Zumi?”

>

 

TOM(Kazumi): It's a guitar from India, but that's not important right now!

 

> “What do you know about number VIII, Axel?”

>

JOEL(Minniweagan): Oh I hear that Axel boy's just a good kid

 

MIKE(Minniweagan): Oh, yes, he helped me out down in the market the other day...what a good boy he is.

 

> “Ax?” Demyx was now leaning in the doorway. “Why do you want to know?

> You see him?”

>

TOM(Demyx): Because we're all getting really worried about you...

 

> I nodded, sitting up. “He helped me out earlier. Xigbar came at me

> and Axel pulled him off. He…had a weird look in his eyes.

 

MIKE(Kazumi): It was...dry...with a touch of...vinegar.

 

> Are you friends with him?”

>

> Demyx nodded and sat down on the toilet.

*Everyone cringes and covers their eyes*

JOEL: Oh, yuck!

CROW: Have you no shame, man?! No shame?!

 

> “Ax's my buddy, but he's been different lately.

 

*Mike risks peeking at the screen*

MIKE: Oh, okay guys, we're clear.

TOM: Whew.

 

> You remember that one kid, Roxas?

CROW(Kazumi): Who?

 

> The one who left?

 

CROW(Kazumi): Oh, him!

 

> Well, him and Axel were best friends. When Rox left it really

> tore him up.

 

MIKE(Demyx): And I mean really tore him up. Trust me, you didn't want to have to clean up that mess.

 

> He tried to stop him, he even tried to bring him back,

> but he came back empty handed. Ever since then he's been colder, and

> he gets agitated easier.”

>

CROW(Demyx): But at least he doesn't hit me...too often...

JOEL: Getting a little dark there, Crow?

CROW: I can't help it...

 

*Crow starts to cry. Mike pats him on the shoulder*

MIKE: Hang in there, Crow.

 

> “Oh, poor Axel…” I looked at the floor. “I think I remember Roxas. He

> was kinda nice but never seemed like he belonged here.”

TOM(Kazumi): Since everyone else here is a murderous psychopath.

 

> I stood and brushed off my knees. “He was the key blade master's Nobody…”

>

MIKE: But I thought the key blade master was a Nobody.

 

TOM: So the Nobody's a Somebody?

CROW: No no no, the Somebody's a Nobody!

JOEL: Everybody's Somebody?

MIKE: No, everybody's a Nobody!

ALL: Third base!

> Demyx stood as well. He rubbed my shoulder. “Here's some advice, stay

> away from Axel. If he gets angry he'll hurt you. And Ax can hurt real

> bad.”

>

CROW(Demyx): Like, this one time, he took a—

 

*Joel clamps Crow's beak shut again*

JOEL: Don't make me put you in time-out.

 

CROW(Muffled): I'll be good...

 

> I shrugged. “I can handle pain, Dem. Well, I'm done with my chores

> for today,

 

MIKE: So it's time for some Satan worshiping!

 

> so I guess I'll head to bed.”

 

MIKE: Or...that.

> I smiled at him.

TOM: This smile brought to you by Crest!

 

> “Thanks for talking with me.”

>

> Demyx grinned and ruffled my hair, which he knew I hated. “Take care

> of yourself, `Zumi. Keep an eye out for Xigbar.”

>

> “Sure, Dem.”

>

> sdjhflawieuhfksdseifh

*The fanfic freezes on the screen*

ALL: Huh?

JOEL: Oh…guess it's time for a break.

TOM: Fine with me!

Joel picked up Tom and followed Mike and Crow as they exited the theatre.

 

(DOOR ONE)
(DOOR TWO)
(DOOR THREE)
(DOOR FOUR)
(DOOR FIVE)
(DOOR SIX)

 

“Hi guys!” the voice of Erhardt announced as the quartet walked onto the bridge. Erhardt's chimpy face lit up the viewscreen with a bright smile as he waved.

 

“Oh, uh, hi…Frank, was it?” Mike blinked at the viewscreen, a wee bit confused. “Where's Dr. F. and Pearl?”

 

Erhardt shrugged. “Dr. F. and Pearl had to go deal with the MSU—that's the Mad Scientists Union. They're the ones funding us and apparently they wanted to renegotiate our funding now that we've got you guys on the Satellite!” He picked up a clipboard and scribbled some notes down. “So they're making me watch you guys while they're away. I just thought you might want to know.”

 

Mike glanced back at the others and shrugged. “Oh, okay then.” A moment of silence passed. “Say, uh, Frank, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?”

 

Erhardt raised a bushy eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

 

“Well, we know Dr. F. and Pearl—from our own universe, sure, but they don't seem any different here—but we don't know you.”

 

Erhardt smiled warmly; he didn't get a chance to talk about himself very often. “You want to know how I got involved with them?” A nod of affirmation. “Well, you know how it is…you've just graduated from college with a useless fine arts degree, there aren't any jobs around…”

 

“Oh, do I know that one,” Mike muttered bitterly.

 

“Well, anyway, I found out about the position from some shady guy in a dark alley—he hid his face in a purple cloak and kept referring to some kind of quest or something—...and here I am!” He gestured happily towards his white lab coat. “It's not the best job in the universe, sure…I'm abused, insulted, experimented on—you wouldn't believe the crazy thing they did involve a nuclear reactor the other day—but hey, it's a living. And besides, I get to work on an experiment designed to take over the world! What's not to love?”

 

“Well…I suppose…” Mike responded politely, though he didn't really agree at all.

 

“So why do they call you Bobo?” Crow spoke up.

 

A wan grin lit up Erhardt's face. “Oh, that's a long story…it all started back when I was in middle school—I was the first one to grow facial hair, you see—“

 

Mike, Joel, and the Bots decided to tune out the inevitable droning. “So you guys holding out okay?” Joel whispered.

 

Tom danced a little, his best imitation of a nod. “Uh-huh. Just needed to get the old rhythm back.”

 

“Everyone couldn't help laughing at the kung-fu,” Erhardt continued, blissfully unaware of the side conversation.

 

“Mike?” Joel turned to the other human.

 

Mike cracked his neck a little. “Yep, like Tommy said, just needed to warm up.”

 

“Uh-huh,” Crow agreed, though his voice shook a little. Joel patted his shoulder.

 

“And then the zoo incident…”

 

“Great,” Joel whispered with a smile. “We gotta stick together, after all.” The others could only nod at that.

 

“And that's how I became known as Bobo!” Erhardt suddenly concluded. A little alarm clock nearby rang fiercely. Erhardt glanced at it and did a double-take. “Looks like it's time for you guys to go back into the theatre!” Without another word, he fed the next part of the fanfic into the feeder.

 

Alarms wailed and lights flashed all over the place. “Oh, we've got FANFIC sign!” everyone shouted as they clambered back into the theatre.

 

(Continued In Part Two)