Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Aches of the heart ❯ Alternate Solace ( Chapter 2 )

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TWO: Alternate solace

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“Hey Riku—”

“Yeah whatever man.”

Cloud jumped out of the way as he nearly got run over by a very pissed off Riku when he arrived on the second floor. Okay… No need to tell what happened in there… He glanced back at Riku descending the stairs before entering the room he had been walking to and saw Sora sitting on the windowsill, his head resting against the window as he stared outside, a sad look in his eyes.

With a sigh, Cloud slowly started to walk towards him, knocking on the open door as he went.

Sora turned his head back at the room, hoping to see Riku, but got soon deceived with the sight he received. “Oh, you're here…”

“I'm not going to pretend that you should be happy to see me…” Cloud whispered, taking a few steps further into the room. “Is it safe for me to come in?”

“Yeah… sure…” Sora absentmindedly said, standing up. He then walked over to the dresser that stood left from the bed and started to put his socks and underwear in the top drawer.

“Did you get here long ago?” the blonde spoke cautiously, sitting himself on the other side of the bed.

Sora shook his head briefly and continued his unpacking without saying another word.

Cloud nodded and then scratched the back of his head at the growing awkward silence between them. “ Um—I'm sure he'll come around, So—”

“Why didn't you just say `no', Cloud?” Sora suddenly spoke, taking his suitcase from the bed and putting it in the build in closet on its right side. After he had tucked the suitcase away, he then turned and faced the blonde with an expression stuck between anger and hurt. He knew better than to put all the blame on Cloud, but his anger needed to be directed at something right now and the blonde was just the perfect target.

Cloud didn't answer, but stood up from the bed and looked at Sora, his face expressionless.

The accumulated frustration of not getting his questions answered, started to unnerve Sora, especially since all of his unanswered questions seemed to revolve around the same person.

“What is it you all have with the guy?!” He asked in exasperation, “Why doesn't anyone want to tell me what's really going on!”

Cloud sighed and bent his head, while running a hand through his hair, still not answering.

“You don't want to tell me either, is that it?” Sora asked angrily, crossing his arms over his chest.

“That's not it, Sora… It's just that… Do you remember the funeral?” Cloud then spoke softly, his eyes directed to the carpeted floor.

Sora frowned, wondering what that had to do with anything, “Yes, though I don't see what—”

“Name the only person that wasn't present that day.” Cloud went on, waiting for Sora to derive a conclusion from what he had just said.

For a few moments Sora just looked at him with a non-understanding face before it suddenly dawned on him; “Sephiroth…?”

Cloud nodded, “Yeah…”

Sora fell silent now, his eyes trailing towards the carpeted floor, “It's strange… I didn't realize until now that I hadn't seen him that day…”

“But Riku did, Sora…" Cloud whispered, looking at him with a calm look on his face. "And that has most certainly not helped to improve their relationship…”

“I shouldn't have pushed him to come…” the brunette remorsefully spoke as the true and more complicated state of the situation became clear. He then walked over to the window and saw Riku making his way to the frozen lake, his steps slow and moderate as he dealt with the thick layer of snow. “Maybe this wasn't a good idea…”

“On the contrary, you did well.” Cloud spoke, making Sora turn around and look at him, “Sephiroth wants him here, he wants to talk to his brother and try and reconstruct their broken relationship.”

Sora turned back around, regret still written all over his face as he watched his boyfriend sit himself by the lake and lay his head on his knees as he watched over the vast expanse of frozen water. “Why only now? It's almost been half a year since Mrs Takechi died…”

“Things like that take time to heal…” Cloud softly spoke, closing his eyes and sighing softly, “But I think that it's really time for the two of them to start over.”

Sora chuckled mockingly at that, his forehead resting against the window-glass as he watched Riku stand up and walk back down the small dirt road leading to the lake and up the main dirt road towards the woods behind the house. “That's going to be hard, if you ask me. Riku can be as stubborn as a mule.”

Cloud chuckled behind him, raising his shoulders, “Well, that makes two of them, then. When Sephiroth is out to achieve something, he doesn't stop until he's obtained it.”

A smirk formed itself on Sora's plump lips and he stepped away from the window. “Do they really resemble each other that much?” He asked, turning to face Cloud again.

“Next to the physical appearance, yeah… They really do.” The blonde whispered with a soft smile on his face.

Sora watched his friend, as he seemed to reminisce about a pleasant memory and raised a skeptic eyebrow. Of course, Cloud's thoughts were none of his business, but there was something about the smile the elder man wore that reminded him of… himself… when he was around Riku.

There was no need to be jumping over to conclusions though; Sora knew that Sephiroth and Cloud used to be lovers. Seven years ago, if I'm counting it right…

“So how long have the two of you been together?” Sora asked, deciding to learn more about his boyfriend's brother, since no one else wanted to enlighten him on the subject.

“Sephiroth and me?”

Sora nodded, “Yeah, Riku told me once that you two used to be together.”

Cloud chuckled briefly before clearing his throat and taking seat in one of the chairs next to the window. “We've never been officially together… And it was more of a love-hate relationship; we only got together when we were both in the mood to see one and other.” He whispered with that reminiscing stare still on his face. “Sephiroth was, and I bet he still is, a very complex man… and I was a very insecure boy searching for security.”

Sora smiled amenably, “Kind of dysfunctional…”

The blonde man chuckled and gave a semi-nod, “I first met him at DI- high, ten years ago, when our family moved to Destiny Island. He was this popular, straight `A' senior and I was a new upperclassman who wanted to make friends and just get through his last years of high school. Alive.”

Sora chuckled briefly, “Did you know then that you were gay?”

“I had never really manifested an interest in girls, but I just thought that at that age I still had plenty of time…” Cloud thoughtfully whispered.

“When did you find out then?” Sora further inquired.

“Sephiroth approached me one day at school, something I had never thought he would do, since I wasn't really the popular type… and he sort of took me under his wing for a couple of months. When I asked him why he did what he did, he said, and I remember every word; 'Is it a crime to long for someone's body so badly that you just want to claim them as your own? Or is it okay with you and can we just cut to the chase and stop this dance of seduction?'" Cloud chuckled again and shook his head. "It was when he kissed me for the first time that I came to realize my secret attraction towards him and with that that I had a sexual preference for males.” The blonde said with a small smile.

“He seems like a straightforward guy…” Sora softly whispered, noticing that Riku differed in that point from his brother at the moment. "Did you love him?" he then asked softly as he saw that affectionate expression on his friend's face again.

Cloud smirked slightly and fell silent for a while. He then looked at Sora and brought back that reminiscing smile, “I did…” He whispered, his eyes now moving away from the brunette's and staring at nothing in particular. “Even though we had more arguments than anything, I was always falling back in love with him when I saw him. I guess that's what made the sex so good.”

Sora chuckled at that, his cheeks slightly blushing, “Fights indeed make the sex better…”

Cloud raised an eyebrow at that; the hint of a grin on his lips. “You're the best person to know that, aren't you?” He said and chuckled as he saw Sora grin sheepishly, "But they are also needed to fortify a relationship. They are the signs that shows that a relationship is healthy. That is, if they happen just now and then."

Sora nodded in understanding and smiled softly, his thoughts drifting towards his last heated discussion with his boyfriend. "I know, but lately I've been feeling like I need to hide myself to avoid confrontations with him. And when I do confront him, he distances himself from me." He sighed and closed his eyes, "I just… I don't want to lose him… I don't know what to do."

"Give him time," Cloud whispered.

Sora looked at him and Cloud turned his face to meet his questioning gaze, "But…"

"Just give him time…" He repeated. "When he'll feel ready to tell you about whatever is bothering him, he will. Forcing him to tell you won't help."

Biting his lip nervously, the brunette stood up and took a few steps through the room, "It's just… I don't understand; I thought he trusted me. Why didn't he tell me before?" Sora spoke, looking at a painting of a forest in the fall. "If he had, then we wouldn't be in this mess…"

"Sometimes," Cloud stood up in turn and came to stand next to him, "sometimes it's not up to the couple to solve an individual problem…"

"You mean that he maybe needs to solve this on his own?" Sora asked, turning himself to face his friend with a doubtful stare.

"Could be," Cloud whispered back, putting his hands in his pockets and closing his eyes. "You trust Riku more than anything, right?"

Sora nodded without a second thought.

"Then, you trust him to find his way back to you, like he trusts that you will come to understand how he feels." Cloud whispered, his eyes looking at the painting now.

"But it's just hard to see him hurting like that and not being able to help…" Sora whispered sadly, walking back to the window and resting a hand on the glass.

"I know…" Cloud spoke and closed his eyes. He then sighed and threw his head back so he was looking at the ceiling, "When Rinoa, Leon's ex-girlfriend, died, he distanced himself from me too…"

Sora frowned and turned around to face his friend with an apologizing expression, "I'm sorry…"

"She had killed herself," Cloud continued, bringing his head back on Sora's eyelevel, "And Leon blamed himself for her death."

"Why?" Sora questioned softly.

"Because he left her for me," The blonde whispered softly. "The more I tried to get through to him, the more he slipped away from me. We were this close to actually break up. I finally realized that he just needed some time to move on."

A moment of silence came in between them until Sora raised his head and looked at his friend. "I understand now…" He softly said, "I need to let him go so I don't lose him…"

Cloud nodded and gave him a small smile, "Just don't ever doubt about the fact that he'll be back."

The younger male smiled back at him, "Thank you so much, Cloud." He walked over to him and embraced him, "I just don't know what I would've done without you."

Cloud hugged him back and then let go, "It's okay, Sora. Anytime."

With a smile Sora walked away from him and exited.

A worried expression came over Cloud's face however when he found himself alone in the room. He too dreaded the arrival of Sephiroth, but for different reasons. Just a few moments ago, as he was walking down memory lane, he had discovered that a piece of his heart still belonged to those days when he used to call Sephiroth his…

A part of him was afraid of the feelings he still felt for the man and another part couldn't wait to see his ex again. No need to tell that he felt awfully guilty towards Leon, but no matter how much he tried to fight it, turn it around and look at it from a different angle, the undeniable fact was that he still had sentiments, whatever they were, for Sephiroth.

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"Hey you…"

 

The snow creaked underneath his footsteps as he approached the blonde sitting on a trunk of a fallen tree in the middle of the forest.

Riku turned his head and looked at Sora standing there a few meters from him, his head covered the furred cap of his white winter coat and his feet wearing matching, cute white furred boots over his sky blue jeans. "How did you find me?"

"I followed you," Sora whispered back, approaching his boyfriend cautiously. "I saw you go this way through the window… A black coat quickly stands out in a white scenery anyway…"

"You could have got lost yourself," Riku whispered, raising his head up to the grey sky and watching how it started to snow again. He then turned his head to him, thinking of how Sora's tropical nature wasn't accustomed to the bitter winters on the vast land. "You better go back; you'll catch a cold. Or worse."

A small smile crept up the younger one's lips at those caring words, but he still sat himself next to him on the trunk. "Then we'll catch a cold together. Or worse."

Riku smiled, knowing that it would be more likely for his boyfriend to get sick than him, seen the fact that he was used to spending his winter holidays in Crystle. Even though the thought behind the words he uttered was comforting, he still couldn't have Sora getting sick. "Sora—"

"I know," The brunette interrupted him, putting gloved right hand fingertips on his lips so to silence him and shaking his head. "I just wanted to be with you; you know how much I can't stand our arguments…"

Riku took the fingers pressing against his lips in his right hand and kissed them softly, closing his eyes. He too hated the way they argued at times and he just couldn't stand the idea of losing Sora… He just… he just needed more time… more time to sort out his thoughts on what he was keeping secret.

"You don't need to tell me about it anymore. I don't need to know." Sora suddenly whispered, scooting closer and taking Riku's right hand in his left one, "All I need is for you to love me, that's all I really want." He laid his forehead on the blonde's left shoulder and closed his eyes.

Riku moved his right arm around Sora and looked up at the skies again, a sad look coming on his face. Ever since they moved away together, Sora would always be the first one to crawl back from a dispute, always giving into whatever Riku wanted… and now, he had just done it again and it made him feel worse.

"I love you. I know that no matter how much we fight, you'll never hurt me intentionally…" Sora whispered against the black fabric of Riku's coat, his breath coming in white clouds. "I trust you with my life."

A small sigh escaped the elder's mouth at those words. So basically what Sora just said was that he'd accept whatever decision Riku would make, as long as it didn't keep him from being happy with Sora. Yet, that wasn't what he wanted… he wanted, needed Sora to be happy with him too, not yield to whatever he'd say to avoid a fight. He wanted to tell Sora about Sephiroth and him, but it was the pain within that withheld him from telling his ignorant boyfriend from his past with his brother.

"Sora, I want you to remember something." He whispered instead, sniffling slightly and standing up.

"Okay," Sora whispered back, taking the hand Riku was offering him to stand up with. He was taken into an intimate embrace as soon as he got up, Riku's soft baritone whispering in his ear.

"No matter how much we fight, I don't want you to suffer because of it… I don't want you to be submissive… not in that area." He smiled, endeared at the brunette's shy giggle, "Compromises will have to be made at times, but don't ever forget that you are a part of this couple too and that your vision on things counts as much as mine."

Sora nodded, understanding what Riku was saying. He didn't want him to give up his free will to please him. Still, this wasn't what he was doing right now. "I understand, but I know that I can't force you into telling me what happened between you and Sephiroth, so I would like to leave it at that."

Riku nodded and tightened his hold on him. "I will tell you soon, Sora. I just need more time…"

Sora nodded comprehensively again and stroked the back of Riku's head with his right hand, "I understand…" He then felt the blonde loosening his grip on him and he took a step back, holding his hand out to him. "Let's head back then, alright?"

Riku took the hand offered and pulled him next to him by his left hip and they walked side by side back down the besnowed path towards the chalet.

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"If you keep this up, we'll never get to dinner!"

 

Sora bend over the kitchen's worktable as Riku nibbled on his right ear again. "Stop!" He giggled, making sure that he didn't cut his fingers while chopping the onions for the soup he was making.

"I'm just trying to help…" The blonde murmured back against his neck, taking hold of Sora's hands and guiding them away from the half-chopped vegetable.

"How's that?" Sora chuckled as he got turned around and faced his boyfriend with a playful glare.

"I'm building up your appetite for dinner…" Riku answered back, coaxing the hands he still held captive around his neck and sliding his own hands down the smaller male's sides. He then picked him up by his hips and put him on the table, pushing the chipped onion and knife at a safe distance.

"I doubt that you're referring to the same meal as I am…" Sora whispered with a small impish smile, looking upon him, "Can't you wait until after dinner?" A simple headshake was his answer before smooth lips took possession of his in a fiery kiss, his legs parting themselves in invitation.

Riku moved closer, his hands creeping up Sora's thighs until they slid underneath his white sweater. "No, I want desert now."

The next thing Sora knew was that he lay sprawled out on the kitchen island with Riku on top of him, nibbling, licking and sucking on the skin of his throat mercilessly.

 

"Ri-ku…!"

 

"I told you we shouldn't have got entrusted them with dinner." Leon remarked from above his magazine as he sat on the right couch in the lounge room. "At this rate we'll end up eating after midnight."

Cloud absently smiled at his lover's words, his mind floating elsewhere for the time being.

Leon briefly glanced up from what he was reading, finding Cloud curled up in a corner of the couch opposite from him, his face directed to the TV, but his eyes staring blankly at a spot next to the device. "What are you thinking about?"

For a moment Cloud didn't respond, not registering that he had been asked a question. "I'm sorry love, what did you say?" He then whispered, turning his head slowly to Leon, his voice sounding dreamy and far-off.

"What's on your mind?" Leon asked again, standing up this time and sitting himself behind Cloud, taking him in his arms.

Cloud didn't directly respond, but just held on to the hands encircling him and laid the back of his head against a firm and welcoming shoulder. "Sephiroth."

Leon delicately brushed a stray blonde lock out of his lover's face, telling him that he was listening and waiting for an elaboration of his statement. The relationship he and Cloud build had evolved itself in an almost wordless one; not much needed to be said anymore, they knew each other through and through after almost 7 years. And so, no doubtful thoughts rose to his mind as he heard Cloud speak out the name of his former lover. "Do you still think he's going to be a problem?"

"I don't know…"Cloud softly said, intertwining his left hand with Leon's right one, "I surely don't hope so…"

"Then tell me what is bothering you." Leon gently spoke, his deep voice holding evidence of genuine concern.

Cloud hesitated for a moment before turning himself around on the couch to face him, "He's my ex, Leon." Cloud reminded him.

"I don't have a problem with it." The elder brunette replied simply.

Cloud averted his eyes then, "I wish you did." He said in a small voice.

"Why?" Leon asked, coaxing him to look at him, "I'm not the baby sitting type, you know that."

Cloud nodded and sighed, "What if—"

"No." Leon stated, taking hold of Cloud's head with both hands, "That's up to you." And with that he kissed his forehead, took the magazine he had been reading earlier and walked out of the living room and up the stairs.

Guilt washed over him again as he found himself alone in the large room. Cloud maybe hadn't told his companion openly about his feelings for Sephiroth, but Leon had understood and given him the freedom of doing as he pleased… Cloud knew that Leon was upset about his unspoken feelings for Riku's elder brother, but it wasn't even the knowledge of it that made him feel bad, it was the way the elder brunette acted; he acted like he didn't care and that was making him feel even worse than if his lover had taken the time to yell at him.

Even though he felt remorse and guilt for the feelings he felt, he still couldn't shake them, making him wonder if he would be able to hide them once Sephiroth would be here…

 

 

"So what did Kairi say?"

 

All four of them were now sitting in the living room, relaxing to soft music now that dinner was over.

Sora was sitting on the right couch opposite to Leon and Cloud, Riku was resting with his head on his boyfriend's lap, lazily lying on the couch as he listened to the music and enjoyed the small hands running through his hair.

Cloud clapped his cell phone closed and sighed in discontent, "All roads to Crystle are closed for the night, due to the heavy snow. They are stuck in DC for the night and will be here in the morning."

"Oww…" Sora pouted unhappily and bent his head, "I was really looking forward to see her tonight."

"You'll see her in the morning, ange." Riku softly whispered up to him with a comforting smile, "And knowing her, she'll convince Wakka to hit the road as soon as the sun comes up."

Sora giggled at that and traced his right hand finger over the bridge of the other male's nose, "I'm happy to see you so relaxed, baby." He whispered softly.

"Me too, because it makes you happy." Riku replied with a smile and reaching for Sora's neck so he would bend over for a chaste kiss.

"You know, I still owe you an apology for my stupid behaviour from last night." The brunette spoke with an impish smile. "I was really, REALLY being stupid."

Riku returned the smile, getting where his mischievous little boyfriend was going. "But I thought we decided to forget all about it this morning?"

"Yeah," Sora nodded truthfully, his eyes shyly looking at him. "But I really want to get punished for it."

"Oh really?" Riku murmured with his smile still on his face.

"Yes."

"Then tell me, what kind of punishment do you desire I give you?"

Their conversation had turned into an almost inaudible whisper now, their cunning giggles and chuckles telling the other couple enough on the topic.

"It is not a matter that is properly discussed in here; in the midst of onlookers."

Riku laughed heartedly before standing up and walking towards the now closed doors of the lounge, "Then we shall continue our conversation upstairs, in the privacy of our room, my dear."

Cloud chuckled briefly before shaking his head amusedly and picking up the remote for the TV.

Sora immediately jumped up, walked over to Riku and jumped on his back as the doors opened, giggling, 'Goodnight' as his boyfriend carried him up the stairs.

"Please tell me their room is not next to ours?" Leon calmly spoke, not looking up from the book he was reading.

Cloud laughed at that. It actually was.

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To be continued…

 

-BDP-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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