Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Behind the Smoke Screen ❯ Solitary ( Chapter 1 )

Note to Disclaimers: I do not and never will own Kingdom Hearts 1, 2 or CoM so…please do NOT sue me. I have nothing, seriously. Fresh, college students, like me anyway, don’t own shit. But please, do enjoy the fic. A/N: Totally new to this. Just a oneshot, right now anyway. I apologize if the person seems out of character (if you guess who it is) ahead of time. It’s totally an A/U fic. Um…so, since I’m new at this, reviews are appreciated…hell, even flames, I suppose. But constructive criticism is more welcome than flames. But you’ll do what you want, right? Well, enjoy the fic!

Solitary

Stark, white walls encompassed in silence were the only connection she had to the “real world” at the present moment. Her mind was blank as she laid on her bed, seemingly lost in thoughts that didn’t quite make sense, nor did they seem to really go anywhere. The white walls were enough to make her scream—but she’d been living in them for quite some time. When one lives like she did for so many years it was easy to forget what things outside were like, especially things that consisted of colors other than the various shades of ivory she was subjected to every day. Because this was so, she spent most days staring out the window, waiting for something that would probably never come, waiting for someone who would never appear. However, certain things did appear every now and then when she would do her daily gazing out the clear glass surface, hiding partially behind the curtains so as to not be seen. It seemed like she’d been living in this place forever, longer than anyone in existence had been living at all. ‘But that’s not possible, is it?’ At time, when she was doing nothing, she would look at herself and the blurred image of herself staring back from the window, usually when night fell. Because the image was so distorted, she could never tell her true age. ‘How old am I, really?’ She knew, sort of, by her hands and the feel of her face that she couldn’t be a day or two over adulthood—she still felt young. ‘Can I even feel young?’

But somehow, as she glanced out the window this particular evening, she felt odd like something was amiss. The townsfolk never noticed that she’d been living there for so long, in that secluded, walled up, abandoned building with only one window to use to see the outside world. The boarded up walls and cracks seemed to give off a sense of eeriness, therefore no one from the town ever lingered around the spot for too long a time. She sighed as she brushed away a strand of blonde hair from her eyes, hugging herself with her arms as she watched the streetlights come on to brighten the evening sky. Underneath certain lit up areas she could see couples walking hand in hand, some even stopping to share a brief kiss under the moonlight where they thought no one could or would see. But she saw all, everything, everyone. How could someone, who was considered invisible, not see all when she had the best view in town? ‘And all for what? For exile?’ Sometimes, when she was feeling particularly lonely, she wished to be there, no longer in exile, sharing her thoughts with someone. ‘But who exiled who?’ Deep in her heart she knew she’d exiled herself from society, that she couldn’t stand to live in a town that did not accept who she was.

And for some reason, every time she looked down into the town, she wanted to return even more, her desire growing with each passing moment. Sighing again, she pushed the curtains back in place as she let the darkness envelop her. The moonlight attempted to stream through the thick, cream colored curtains but very little of it successfully entered her little living space. She sat upon her bed, the grimy, stained mattress not the least bit comfortable with its holes and sharp bedsprings coming through the surface. Her pillow was in dire need of washing and her cover could have very well been completely flea infested. Yet some part of her, a part she didn’t understand, refused to go back. ‘There’s nothing for me there…not anymore.’ Once, long ago, she had things she cared about, people she loved, who lived in the town. But years had passed since then and they had died, little by little, as her disappearance stretched. ‘Why didn’t they come to find me? Why didn’t they think to look for me?’ The answer was one she was sure she did not want to hear let alone imagine. Would it have been worth it? ‘No,’ she thought. The town was dead to her now, just as her old personality was as well. ‘People change, I’ve heard.’

She knew she’d changed, grown up, stopped hating everything and everyone—stopped the masochistic-sadistic nature that flowed through her veins. Though not gone entirely, she had managed to bring it down to a minimum. But it was too late by then; the town had become afraid of her. Exile. Excommunication. She was kicked out even though it hadn’t been voiced. ‘And I went with it by leaving. I could have stayed.’ Shaking her head, she pulled the cover tighter around her thin, lanky, somewhat emaciated frame. She’d been starving herself for a while now. She’d stopped eating, drinking—death was slow, death was fast; and she’d chosen slow death. ‘I deserve it.’ Shivering, she felt chills run down her spine at the memories she didn’t want to remember, that she wanted so desperately to erase. ‘The exiled.’ Her fingers trailed to the side of her worn down mattress until they reached a torn, hard-covered book with dog-eared pages and bent edges. Smiling weakly, she gingerly hefted the book into her arms, hugging it for dear life as though it was her anchor to the real world. The Marquis de Sade; the faded gold lettering was a reminder of how long she’d had and how long she’d been gone. ‘This book…it was given to me on my 5th birthday…’ She couldn’t quite recall much of that, except that she’d been thrilled when she’d received it—her parents had always believed her to be quite eccentric. She recollected reading it so many times that she’d been banned from reading it at all. Her mother had been very adamant about her passing school. ‘I dropped out anyway…after…’ Shuddering, she let the memories slide as sleep started to overcome her. In the end, it was all just a bad memory, wasn’t it?

Somewhere, on the edge of town, another person was thinking the same thing.

So…what did y’all think? Let me know. Until next time.

Sadistickunais