Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Burn ❯ Chapter 27 Roxas ( Chapter 27 )

Burn

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy nor am I making any money by writing this.

Chapter 27 Roxas

Days passed and Axel didn't get any better. Demyx pleaded and pleaded with Dr. Wise until he finally let Zexion and me visit him. While everyone else was having a music lesson, Zexion and I went with Demyx to pay Axel a visit.

Demyx went in first, Zexion behind. I hesitated at the door, unsure if I could do this. The feeling of uncertainty soon passed and I went in. Demyx and Zexion stood on the other side of the room, crowded around Axel's bed. I joined them.

Almost at once, I wished I hadn't looked down at Axel. Dear God, he was a mess. It made me feel sick to see how bad off he was. He was hooked up to a bunch of machines and his whole body was restrained by thick leather straps. He wasn't at peace in his unconscious state; his face was contorted in pain and his breath clouded the inside of the breathing mask over his nose and mouth.

All of a sudden, Zexion pushed past me, running out of the room as fast as he could. The expression on his face was a mixture of terror, pain, and confusion. It looked like he didn't know if he wanted to scream, cry, or throw things across the room. Demyx turned to me.

“I'm going to make sure he's all right,” he said.

“Okay.” I nodded. “I'm going to stay here with Axel.” Demyx left. I took a deep breath and placed my hand on top of Axel's. “Hey Axel. It's me, Roxas. I don't know if you can hear me, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm here. All right?” My voice trembled. “I really hope you wake up soon because I miss you.”

I stayed by his side as much as they would let me. I stayed and stayed, even when Axel had his screaming fits and Demyx got so upset he had to be sedated. It hurt like hell to stay, but I did. I just took a deep breath when I felt myself getting upset and tried to keep myself calm.

It was a rough time for all of us, but especially for Zexion and Demyx. They had to deal with Axel the most. Well at least Demyx did. He had to constantly deal with Axel's screaming spells and it always upset him. I didn't let them bother me. At least, I tried to. That had to count for something, right?

Zexion was just upset in general. Not that I really blame him—Axel is his only real friend and they've known each other since they were kids. He sort of has a right to be upset over this.

I was surprised when Zexion came up to me one day at breakfast before Demyx arrived.

“Why do you stay?” Zexion asked. He sounded curious above all else. “With Axel, I mean. Why do you stay even though it breaks your heart?”

“I stay because I love him,” I answered after a bit of hesitation. The thought had been gnawing at me for a while, but I had never vocalized it to anyone, not even to Dr. Wise. “I stay because I'm afraid of losing him again. I almost lost Axel once and I don't want to lose him again. He means everything to me.”

“You're a strong person,” Zexion murmured, his eyes downcast.

“What about you?” I asked.

Zexion looked up at me. “What about me?”

“Are you just going to let the person you care about vanish from you life without ever letting him know how you feel?” I asked. Zexion didn't respond. He shifted nervously. I knew then that my suspicions about Zexion's feelings were right. My tone softened. “I know Demyx loves you. I can just tell. He's healed you. You may not notice it, but I can tell that you've changed for the better. He's done that.”

“I know,” Zexion whispered. “I'm just scared.”

I gently touched him on the shoulder. “I know. I've been scared too. Axel told me that he loved me and I didn't know how to react. No one had ever told me that before. I didn't think I deserved to be loved. Who knows? Maybe I do and maybe I don't. I know I'll find the answer one day. And I want Axel there. That's about all I know right now.”

Zexion nodded. He didn't say anything more, but he looked satisfied. I hoped things would work out for him, I really did. He didn't deserve all this pain. His life was a good example of how just unfair life is. He had loving parents and they were taken away from him. He found love with Axel, but that got taken away too. Now he had nothing left.

Well, I shouldn't say that. He still has Reno and if he's anything like Axel, then I know he's been in good hands.

That afternoon, I had my usual session with Dr. Wise.

“How are you doing today, Roxas?” he asked as we got settled in.

“Good,” I answered truthfully. “Really good.”

“Well I'm glad to hear that,” Dr. Wise said. “I've been told that you've been spending a lot of time in Axel and Demyx's room visiting Axel.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I've been by Axel's side a lot, you know, keeping him company and stuff. I'm glad you let me visit him.”

“You like talking about Axel, don't you?” Dr. Wise asked.

I nodded, my face warm. This was starting to get really awkward.

“It's not a bad thing,” Dr. Wise assured me. “I just don't want you to run from your feelings. You need to confront them at some point or else you're never going to be able to more on.”

“Yeah, I know,” I said. I shifted uncomfortably.

“Roxas, what is it?” Dr. Wise asked. “You look like you want to say something, but are having a hard time trying to get it out. Remember, this is a safe place where you can let out your feelings and you won't be judged. Okay?”

I nodded and let out a long breath. “Dr. Wise, I love Axel.”

Dr. Wise looked surprised, but quickly recovered. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I nodded. “I've known it for a while, but I haven't really acknowledged it too much and I certainly haven't vocalized it.”

“What brought it on then, your sudden desire to vocalize your feelings?” Dr. Wise asked. “Why now?”

“Well, Zexion asked me today curiously why I stay by Axel's side all the time even though it's hard and I replied that it was because I loved him,” I answered. “It was the first thing I thought of. The thought had been there for a long time, but I had never vocalized it before.”

“Well, now that the thought is out there and has finally been vocalized, how does it feel?” Dr. Wise asked.

“It feels good,” I answered. “I was scared to vocalize how I was feeling because I thought no one would listen to me.”

“Because of your parents?”

“Exactly.” I nodded. “I started thinking, `what is the point of telling people how I feel if no one is going to listen to me anyway?' I started locking my feelings up inside me and that just became normal for me.”

“And then you met Axel,” Dr. Wise stated softly.

“And then I met Axel,” I confirmed. “He really weirded me out for the first couple weeks. He wasn't like anyone else I had met before.”

“What about Axel made you feel uncomfortable?” Dr. Wise asked.

“It was a lot of things,” I replied. “His appearance for one thing. He was basically the first person I saw after I woke up in the hospital. All of a sudden, I saw this guy with bright red hair that was just everywhere and really vivid green eyes with tattoos under each eye. It was quite overwhelming. The other thing is his personality. I wasn't used to being around someone with such a…outgoing personality.”

“Yes, I understand.” Dr. Wise chuckled softly. “Axel can be quite a handful sometimes.”

“And he didn't seem afraid to speak his mind,” I continued. “I guess I always admired that about him. He wasn't afraid to let people know how he was feeling.” I sighed softly. “I just wish I would have told him sooner how I felt about him.”

“Is this feeling mutual?” Dr. Wise asked.

“It is.” I nodded. “Axel and I had a conversation a while back, before Axel had his…” I hesitated for a moment. “Before his mental breakdown. During that conversation, he told me he loved me. I wasn't sure when he told me that I felt the same way, but now I'm sure and I can't tell Axel because he's fucked up.” I started crying softly. Dr. Wise handed me a tissue.

“It's not too late to let Axel know how you feel,” he said soothingly. “Axel isn't dying. He's just temporarily incapacitated.”

“We don't know when Axel is going to wake up, if he ever does!” I burst out. “We don't know if he's ever going to be coherent again!” I bit my lip to keep myself from crying any more.

“Have faith, Roxas,” Dr. Wise said. “Axel will get well again.”

I wished I could believe him, but I couldn't. I just couldn't.

To be continued…

A/N: Oops, I got off on a bit of a tangent during Roxas and Dr. Wise's conversation. Oh well. Only two full chapters plus an epilogue to go until this is finished! I'm really excited!! It's about time this thing got finished. I've been working on it for over a year now. Then it'll be onto Tattered Soul, which hasn't been updated in over a year. Oops!