Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Burn ❯ Chapter 29 Zexion ( Chapter 29 )

Burn

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy nor am I making any money by writing this.

A/N: this is the last full chapter. The next chapter is an epilogue so it's not actually going to be a full chapter, though maybe it'll end up being one. I don't know yet.

 

Chapter 29 Zexion

I was surprised to hear that Axel was awake and lucid. It almost seemed too good to be true. Still, I went with Demyx to Axel's room to see him, letting Roxas sleep a while longer. I knew he'd be angry that we didn't wake him up right away after we found out that Axel was awake, but neither Demyx nor I had the heart to wake him up. He so badly needed the rest.

When he got to Axel and Demyx's room, I saw that Axel was indeed awake and in his right mind. Vivid green eyes were alert and followed me as I crossed the room. Pale lips curled up into Axel's trademark smirk as I got nearer.

“Oh my god,” I whispered, sinking into the chair by Axel's side.

“Aw, come on,” Axel protested. “I've been out of my mind literally for the past couple weeks and I finally wake up, and all you can say is `oh my god'? Come on, I think I should get a `hi Axel, I'm so glad you're awake' at the very least.”

“I'm sorry,” I whispered. “I'm just really shocked.”

“Aw, it's okay. I was just kidding.” Axel waved away the apology. “Lighten up, Zex.”

Axel sounded so much like his old self. It brought tears to my eyes.

“I'm really glad you're awake,” I said. “I was really worried that you weren't ever going to wake up.” The tears rolled down my face.

“Hey, don't cry,” Axel said. “I'm sorry I worried you.”

I smiled and wiped the tears away. “It's okay.” I took a shuddering breath and turned to Demyx. “I'm going to get Roxas up so he can see Axel. I know he really needs to sleep, but Axel means so much to him and I know it'll make him so happy.”

“Okay.” Demyx nodded. “I understand.”

I hurried out of Axel's room and down the hall to Roxas and my room. I hesitated for a moment before gently shaking him.

“Wake up Roxas,” I said softly. Roxas slowly opened his eyes.

“What's going on?” he asked sleepily.

“I'm sorry to wake you, but I wanted to tell you that Axel is awake and lucid,” I said.

Roxas was awake at once. “What?! Why didn't you wake me up sooner?”

“I didn't want to wake you up because you needed the sleep so bad.” I didn't flinch at the harsh tone Roxas used. “I decided that it would be better to let you sleep for a while. If you want, I'll take you to see Axel now, okay?”

Roxas nodded and quickly got up. I turned around while he got dressed. When he was ready, we went Axel's room. Roxas stopped in the doorway and gave a soft cry. He ran forward and gave a soft cry. He ran forward and gently clasped Axel's hand. Axel smiled. It was a genuine smile, something I hadn't seen from him in so long. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen him smile like that. It made my stomach hurt. Roxas was smiling too, his stunning blue eyes filled with tears.

“Rox...as,” Axel croaked.

“Hey Axel.” Roxas smiled. “I'm glad you're awake. I was really worried.”

“Really?” Axel asked. I could detect a bit of bitterness in his tone.

“Yes.” Roxas nodded. His expression was tender as he brushed Axel's sweat-soaked bangs out of his eyes. “I…love you.”

The pain in my stomach grew. Axel was looking so much happier than I had seen him in a long time. I wasn't the one who was making him happy. It wasn't possible for that to happen; I was damaged. The only thing I could do was bring unhappiness to everyone around me.

It hurt so much to see how much Roxas cared for him and that he could bring Axel happiness. I could feel what was left of my heart shattering into a million pieces. I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. When I turned, I found that it was Demyx.

“Do you want to go somewhere so we can talk?” he asked softly. I nodded and numbly followed him out of the room. Once we were in the hallway, he turned to me anxiously. “Do you want to go sit down somewhere?” I nodded absently.

Demyx took my hand and led me into one of the conference rooms that was never used. He forced me to sit in the closest chair.

“Do you want me to call your nurse?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I just want to sit for a minute.”

“Okay,” Demyx said softly.

I tried as hard as I could to try and keep myself from crying. Demyx hovered in the background, watching me anxiously. I took in several deep breaths, forcing my tears back. Finally, I gave in, and started sobbing quietly, hunching over in my seat. I don't know how long I cried, but at last, I couldn't anymore, and straightened up, fiercely wiping the tears from my eyes.

“I'm so selfish,” I muttered.

“Why?” Demyx asked. He shook his head. “It's not my business. You don't have to tell me.”

“It's okay,” I said. “I think I'm ready to talk about it. I think it'll help to talk to someone besides Dr. Wise.”

“All right.” Demyx sat in the chair next to mine. He reached over and took my hand. “Is it okay if I hold your hand like this?”

I nodded. “It's calming.”

“Good.” Demyx smiled.

I took a deep breath. “Axel and I were…close. Really close. We've been best friends since we were young. We helped each other through the ups and downs of life. My parents were killed in a car accident and I went to live with Axel's brother, though I didn't know that Reno was his brother at the time. I found that out later. But you know all this already, don't you?”

“Most of it,” Demyx replied.

“Well, there's more,” I said. “Axel's parents weren't…the nicest parents. I always thought…they abused him, though I was never sure.”

“They did,” Demyx interrupted. I stared at him. “Axel told me. He remembers what happened to him. His dad would grab him by the arm and lock him in the basement whenever he did something bad.”

The news hit me hard. “Oh my god.” I felt sick. I leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes.

“Zexion!” Demyx cried out.

“I can't believe it,” I whispered. “And yet, it makes sense. It totally fits. Why didn't I see this before?”

“It's not something that's easy to see,” Demyx said. “I had no idea until Axel told me and if he hadn't, I never would have realized it.” He took my hand and gently squeezed it.

I jumped out of my trance. “Where was I?”

“Axel's abuse,” Demyx said.

“Right.” That jarred my memory. “Axel always had a strange affinity for fire. As a kid, he liked burning things. As he grew older, so did his affinity for fire. It became an obsession. His parents took him to therapists, but none of them helped. Despite all his negative qualities, I fell in love with him. I don't I can explain why I fell in love with him. It's…complicated.”

“It's okay,” Demyx said softly. “I understand.”

“Anyway, we dated for a while. We were happy together. But then Axel's parents found out and they broke us up,” I continued.

“How did they do that?” Demyx asked.

“They made us miserable. It was mostly directed at me. Finally, I gave in. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to fight against them anymore; I wasn't that strong. So I broke up with him.”

Demyx stared at me, his eyes filled with tears. I turned away, unable to stare at him any longer. Instead, I stared at my lap.

“I felt like such a horrible person. I broke him. It's all my fault he's like this.” Several more tears escaped from my eyes and dripped onto my lap. “After Axel tried to kill himself, I almost lost hope. The only reason why I stayed alive was because he still needed me. Now, he doesn't. He needs Roxas.”

Demyx was silent, staring at me. I stared at my lap for a long time, unable to say anything else. Demyx still held my hand.

“I was jealous of Roxas,” I said. “He's able to help Axel in a way I've never been able to. I've realized now that Roxas is meant to help Axel. He's going to be the one to heal him. I'm okay with that.” I took a deep shuddering breath. “Axel still needs me, as a friend. I'm sitting here having a breakdown when he's just woken up after being sick for so long. Could I be any more selfish?”

“You're not selfish at all.” Demyx shook his head. “You have to think of yourself from time to time. You have feelings too, don't you?”

I smiled and wiped away my tears. “You're right. Thank you.”

“No problem.” Demyx smiled at me.

He hesitated for a moment and then wrapped his arms around me for a light hug. I blinked, surprised, but didn't pull away. It felt good. Demyx finally started to move away. I clung to him. I didn't want him to let go. I wanted this moment to last forever. Demyx looked surprised, but didn't force me off.

“Okay,” he whispered. “Okay.” He knew I needed this. He knew I needed to be held. Tears spilled out of my eyes and I sniffed softly. I don't know how long we sat there, but it seemed like it was an eternity.

“Thank you, Demyx,” I whispered, finally pulling away from him. “Thank you so much.”

Demyx smiled. “You're welcome.”

Uncertainty flickered in his eyes. Then, he moved forward, closer to me. My breath caught in my throat as he pressed against mine. I let out the breath I had been holding and let my eyes close.

In reality, the kiss didn't last very long, but it seemed to. I reluctantly let Demyx pull away. We stared at each other for a few moments and then I leaned in and kissed him. He seemed shocked at first, but easily relaxed. I wrapped my hand around his head and threaded my fingers through his hair.

He pulled me onto his lap. I quickly adjusted so we were more comfortable, though it was still really awkward. I leaned forward and started kissing him again. He grabbed my forearms, not to try and force me away from him, but to keep himself steady. I moved my lips away from his and gently pressed them against his soft cheek. Then, I moved lower, pressing my lips against his jaw and then his throat.

Demyx moaned softly and tipped his head back, allowing me better access. “Don't…stop…please.”

“I won't.” I smirked into his neck. “Just tell me if I'm going too fast, okay?”

“I will,” Demyx said, his breathing erratic.

I started kissing his neck again. He leaned back, resting his head on the chair's top.

“Can I…touch you?” I asked.

“Yes!” Demyx gasped. “Please.”

I loosed my fingers from his hair and dropped them to his waist. I slipped up his shirt, gently touching his soft skin. He wrapped his arms around me and started stroking my back. He slid his fingers up my shirt and rubbed my bare back.

“It would be easier if we weren't wearing shirts,” I whispered.

“I agree.” Demyx smiled.

We briefly pulled apart and slipped our shirts off. Then we were at it again, gently touching each other. It had been so long since I had been in this position with anyone. The last person I'd been in this sort of position with was Axel. But that was all in the past.

“Is everything okay?” Demyx asked worriedly.

“Fine,” I answered with a smile. “Perfect.”

“I'm glad.” Demyx smiled.

I leaned in and kissed him again. “How far do you want to go?”

Demyx stared at me. “What do you mean?”

“Well…” I chose my words carefully. “I think you know what I mean.”

“Oh.” Demyx flinched.

“We don't have to,” I said quickly. “I will not do anything you're not comfortable doing.”

“I think we should talk about our relationship,” Demyx said.

I nodded. “I agree.”

“However,” Demyx said, looking around nervously. “I think we should wait until later to talk about this. We may not get another chance for this.” He leaned in and nibbled my earlobe, causing me to shiver slightly. “I say we take advantage of the situation.”

I smirked. “I agree.” I took a deep breath. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah.” Demyx nodded.

“Okay,” I whispered.

“Do you know what to do?” Demyx asked worriedly. “Because I have no idea.”

“Don't worry,” I said reassuringly. “I've done it before.”

“You have?” Demyx looked confused. Then, he understood. “Axel.”

I gently cupped Demyx's chin. “Axel is no longer mine. He belongs to Roxas. My heart belongs to you now.”

Demyx simply smiled. Our lips connected again.

“How are we gonna do this?” Demyx asked nervously.

“On the table,” I answered.

“On the table?!” Demyx cried. “We're seriously gonna do it on the table?”

“There's nowhere else to do it,” I replied.

“Yeah, I suppose you're right.” Demyx smiled.

We shifted our positions so Demyx was on top of the table and I was over him. I leaned down and placed several chaste kisses on his lips.

“Don't panic,” I said softly. “Do whatever feels natural to you, okay?” Demyx nodded. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to remember. It had been so long since I had been intimate with another person.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked, opening my eyes. “It's going to hurt. A lot.”

“I know,” Demyx replied. “I have an imagination, you know. But that doesn't change my mind. I still want to do it.”

“Okay.” I nodded.

I tried to be gentle with him. Even so, it still hurt. I could see it on his face. Finally, it was over. I collapsed next to him on the table, panting.

“I'm sorry,” I whispered, gently pressing my lips to his forehead.

“It's okay.” Demyx shook his head. “I knew…it would hurt.” He winced slightly as he pushed himself up with his hands.

“What on earth is going on in here?” a voice demanded.

“Crap,” I muttered. Demyx gave a soft squeak of embarrassment and tried to cover himself. I turned to the speaker. “Hello Rebecca.”

Rebecca's lips tightened. “I'll deal with you in a minute.” She turned around. “Aerith, I found them! They're in here!”

Moments later, Aerith rushed in, looking incredibly flustered. “Oh thank goodness. What on earth were they doing in here?”

“See for yourself.” Rebecca pointed to us.

Aerith's eyes widened. “Oh my goodness! What were you thinking?!”

“Sorry,” Demyx muttered, blushing. He stooped down and picked up his discarded clothes. I did the same.

“I'm afraid Dr. Wise will have to be told about your behavior. It's not acceptable for you two to act like this. Do you understand?” Rebecca said sternly.

“Yes ma'am,” Demyx and I mumbled at the same time.

“Finish getting dressed and go back to your rooms. Stay there until you're told otherwise by one of us, okay?”

Demyx and I nodded. We dressed in silence. I didn't dare say anything to him or even look at him. I wanted to apologize to him for getting him into trouble, but when I tried, the words died in my throat.

I sat quietly in my room, staring at the wall. Rebecca brought me lunch in my room and told me that I was to spend the rest of the day in my room reflecting on my actions. Demyx and I were being let off the hook since it was our first offense, but if we did it again, we'd be punished more severely.

Roxas returned late. He had spent most of the day by Axel's side.

“Are you okay?” he asked, looking at me with a worried expression. “I heard about what happened with you and Demyx. You looked really upset when you left Axel's room and then that happened…”

“I'm fine,” I interrupted harshly. Roxas was silent for a while.

“I'm sorry I hurt you,” he finally said. I stared at him, confused. “I know you still love Axel.”

I firmly shook his head. “I don't.”

“Don't lie!” Roxas hissed. “That's bullshit and you know it. I know you still care for Axel.”

I didn't respond.

The next morning, I went to see Dr. Wise, as usual. We were silent for the first couple minutes. I fidgeted nervously. Normally, I didn't mind the silence, but it was really awkward right now.

“Well…” Dr. Wise nervously cleared his throat. “It seems you had an exciting day yesterday.” I nodded, blushing. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I guess,” I replied. “I suppose it started after Axel woke up. I decided to get Roxas up so he could see Axel. He was really happy to see him. And Axel was really glad too. It made my stomach hurt so I had to leave.”

“Why did your stomach start hurting?” Dr. Wise asked.

“I…don't know,” I answered nervously.

“I think you do,” Dr. Wise said. “Don't run from your feelings. Confront them. It's important for you to confront the feelings you're experiencing so you can grow and become a better person. It's really scary to think about, I know. It's so much easier to not deal with the feelings. It's what a lot of people do—they take the easy way out.”

“Right,” I mumbled.

Dr. Wise surveyed me carefully. “I can't force you to face your feelings. Only you can do that.”

I nodded. It was overwhelming, but I had to try. For Demyx. I took a deep breath. “I was in pain because I was jealous.”

“Of Roxas?” Dr. Wise asked.

I nodded. “Seeing him, and seeing how much he cared for Axel, it hurt. I guess I still loved him. All I've ever wanted was for Axel to be happy. I thought I could bring him happiness, but I couldn't. Roxas can. When I was sitting with Demyx in the conference room, I realized that it was okay for me to let go of Axel and move on. So I did. By having sex with Demyx, I was able to let go of my feelings for Axel.”

When I left Dr. Wise's office after our session had ended, I felt better. Things were finally starting to look up and maybe, just maybe, I could find happiness again.

To be continued…

A/N: Wow, that turned out to be a hell of a lot longer than I thought it would. I wasn't originally planning for Demyx and Zexion to have sex. They were just going to hug. Then I decided they were going to make out. Then I decided they'd try to have sex but get caught before they actually had it, but then I decided that they'd have it and then get caught. Sorry about the non-lemon scene. I was going to write a full blown lemon but I decided not to.

On a more depressing note, I'm not going to be updating again until December. I'm taking November off and doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). So the epilogue won't be posted until December. I'm sorry! I tried really hard to have this done by November, but it didn't work out. So the last chapter will be posted in December. Please let me know if there are any typos. I haven't proofread this at all. All I did was run it through the spell check.