Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Heart and Soul ❯ Heart and Soul (Chapter 5): Epilogue ( Chapter 5 )
And maybe an end is just a beginning...
Non Anime: Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Shounen | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 07.17.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.4K | Visits: 266 | Status: Completed
Background: Well... I suppose this turned more into another chapter than an epilogue, but... we can pretend, can't we? Of course we can.
Heart and Soul: Epilogue
by Orin Drake
&nb sp; Somewhat regaining himself from being witness to Demyx's final battle, Axel appeared quite "spontaneously" to offer up the information needed by the Keyblade Master. Of course, help came in that cocky, bitchy way of his that had often driven Roxas into death glares (and it was nice to know that he hadn't lost his touch)--but even when he was trying to help, he could only be so openly helpful.
He ran when Saix found him, hoping he'd done enough, said enough. He'd do what he could between escapes.
What followed were days of cat and mouse, Axel running. Watching, sometimes... spying or just making sure, checking in quickly at a quiet moment, from a distance. He discovered that sleep was blissfully unnecessary, though he'd have liked to rest. But to stop and think, to relax in the least bit... would not have been good.
He'd even passed that boy, once, on his way through a dead world... Riku. Though he didn't look like Riku, the firestarter was still able to sense the reality beneath the mask. They hadn't quite found words for one another, but they hadn't needed much in the way of verbal communication. It was a long, steady look on both of their parts--eyes roaming, gauging, carefully judging every threat and possibility.
Then gold eyes snapped up to meet emerald green. It took the redhead all of his concentration not to cringe at how deeply penetrating the gaze really was. How he managed to return the look was only a matter of willpower; he'd just been through too much to back down.
Riku wasn't looking for a confrontation, though. Only an... assurance. Simply to gaze upon the Nobody that had been so close to the other part of Sora.
Axel could only stare in silence when the boy stepped past him and walked into another dark gateway without so much as a word. Was that... acceptance, he wondered... He chuckled quietly to himself. Oh, how far he'd fallen. Even the legendary Keyblade Master of Darkness passed him by without incident.
The fated heroes had made it to Betwixt and Between, but to make it past... well, he knew he had to help. Sora was powerful, but there was no way he could stand up to so many Dusks at once. And, strangely enough... he was glad to offer himself.
It wasn't suicide. It was fulfilling the promise made to Demyx... and the promise his heart had made to Roxas, even if it were only partially there to begin with.
It was... strange, how he wasn't afraid. He thought he should have been afraid; devastated, quaking, sick with fear... but there was only certainty. Knowing what was right. Knowing that what he did... would ensure that Sora had a chance to end this. All of this. And maybe... maybe he and Roxas could be... happy.
Axel wasn't a hero. But he was in service to his heart--because his heart was what ultimately told him what to do. "Watch this!"
Weird, and... uneven, and... cold, and... dark beyond Darkness. He had to have been close to death, hallucinating, because he thought he saw a pinprick of... light...
"You're... fading away..." Sora's voice, sounding oddly... sad.
Yes, Axel assumed he must be by that point. He couldn't move very well... breathing was getting harder... And yet, he was still Axel in the end. "Well, that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack. You know what I mean? Not that Nobodies actually have beings... right?" Silly. So silly... but there were other things to attend to--things that Sora had gotten there in the first place to do. "Anyway, I digress. Go, find Kairi. Oh, almost forgot... sorry for what I did to her."
Those not-quite-familiar blue eyes looked so... regretful... "When we find her, you can tell her that yourself."
It actually kinda... hurt to see him that way. Not that the firestarter would admit it, even then. "Think I'll pass. My heart just wouldn't be in it, you know? Haven't got one." He tried to laugh, tried to be reassuring...
Those endless blue eyes just wouldn't stop being so... alive. So full of emotion... of pain... "Axel, what were you trying to do?"
Well, it wasn't as if he had anything left to hide, was there? "I wanted to see Roxas." He admitted. "He... was the only one I liked... He made me feel... like I had a heart. It's kind of... funny... You make me feel... the same..."
--No. No, he just... he couldn't. There wasn't time to reflect on that feeling, on what he'd very nearly admitted; no time to be selfish any longer. Axel would have been surprised at how easily he tossed himself aside for just the hope that Roxas... that Sora... would continue on. "Kairi's in the castle dungeon. Now go."
His last breath was spent opening the portal. It was all the energy left in him... all the non-being he still retained. Only darkness waited past his hand... though, if he concentrated hard enough, he swore he could feel that little point of... of light...
"Wait for me." He heard--he knew he heard it--as he faded away. "I'll be there, some day."
Roxas. It was Roxas. He felt... he... felt... We'll be there, kid. No rush. You just kick some ass, okay?
A heart can feel a smile. Even if the smile existed in another time and place. Just like a heart can feel two smiles meant for it at once.
Some day, there will be a landscape. A garden. An ocean.
Some day, the Door of Light will never have to be closed again.
Some day, we will all be together again, because that is the nature of love.
It wasn't for nothing. Hearts, memories, souls--they are not lost. They cannot belost.
The wait may be a long one. But it will happen. We'll rest upon the water's edge, and dream...
--------------------------------
Laughter, soft and musical. A smile. A greeting nod. "And..?"
A cocky smirk answered first. "I think... yeah. Yeah. You feel it?"
A pause... then a grin. "Yeah. I feel it."
Thank you for reading. Thank you for liking it, or hating it--just thank you for reading.
I know, it's rather random and disjointed for an epilogue... but that was kind of intentional. Sort of... snippets of time, looked back on. And that last bit..? Honestly, I'm not sure yet. I'll have to think about it.
I like philosophy. I also like an ending that sticks with me. I didn't knowingly write one, but reading back on it... I can't really believe I wrote any of this. Maybe I didn't. I blame Demyx. (Thanks, dude. I'm sorry I celebrated kicking your ass in the game... almost.) If I have to be completely honest, then... yes, I had an emotional reaction. Don't tell anyone, though.
Okay, so... here's my "tiny little rant" at the end of this thing. As kinda-sad as the ending is, I really wanted to convey that there is hope. A nonexistent life is tragic for a Nobody, but death is like a home-coming; heart and soul and essence reunited. I gotta believe. Some of the Organization did some truly bad things... but I'd dare to say that all of them only got caught up in their situations, in their confusion that ultimately became blind desperation. Eventually, yes, they were all reckless and out to get Sora. But I think Axel proved it most of all--what lies inside of them is still human, still alive and in some sense feeling, even if it isn't technically a heart. They all fought Sora and lost, so... who's to say that they didn't suffer the same realizations at the end and throw their own final battles?
I've come to believe that a Nobody makes their own heart. Through thought and prayer and hope, to casually almost rip off The Simpsons. There's something to the very idea that they'd know they weren't whole in the first place--and you can't long for something without a heart. You can't long for a heart without longing with a heart... or what would pass for a heart, anyway. No, Nobodies are not whole beings... but they are beings. They matter. They exist in their own nonexistence--and that's what's truly tragic, because they know they aren't whole.
I think that what separates sentient beings from "things" is simply the knowledge that "I am not a thing." So... yeah. Nobodies. Have distinct understanding of their own existence. Recall Roxas' reaction to the realization that he was only a part of Sora, to the idea that he wasn't actually an individual. Axel's reaction to Roxas leaving in the first place; they have desires, they can miss things, people--other Nobodies. If they didn't have a heart, it wouldn't break.
And yes, I think about these things. Video games are mythology, the characters are new masks for old archetypes. If anything, I'm a student in the Joseph Campbell tradition. In fact, you can check out Gamer Bitch at reignofangels(dot)com(backslash)gamerbitch for a few older articles of similar content, but mostly it's rambling. Lots of rambling. Like this, but more.
And now for some less intellectual stuff. I love Demyx. Maybe it's because I'm a musician, too. And he's kinda got that cute, sweet-hearted psychopath thing going on. Hey, whatever. And Axel, well... what can I say. I've got a soft spot for tall, skinny redheads named Axel/Axl. Especially in black leather. But I digress; he just damn well grew on me. And I happen to have enjoyed Roxas a hell of a lot. Angry kid--for good reason. I happen to see the three of them as pretty much the only ones that had a chance of escaping their fates... which obviously didn't happen in the game. But... that's what fan fiction is for.
And if you made it all the way through these notes? You're just awesome. *grin* Thank you. This story was a pleasure to write.
If you'd like to be e-mailed when I update, drop me a line (orin(at)sephain.com) with whatever story/stories/website you'd like me to inform you of.