Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ In Essence ❯ Chapter 1

There were a lot of things Cloud knew he probably shouldn't have said that morning. Squall was in a foul mood before Cloud even thought about making that dig about Rinoa. It was probably even less appropriate to mention to Squall how much of a shallow puddle of a man he was when he was with her. It most likely didn't help when he added the quip about him being less romantically creative then a nun, and how Rinoa probably just got bored.

Oh sure, Squall got in a few comments too, but, in Cloud's mind, it was much more fun to make jokes about a bratty, self-titled princess then a meek but nonetheless annoying flower girl.

Not that Cloud was looking for a fight that morning, but there was something about Squall that irked him just enough to make him want to push him. Squall, according to Yuffie, just had that effect on people. He remembered her mentioning some rival Squall had had years ago. Apparently, he went through the same issues.

It wasn't that Cloud disliked Squall. When they first met, Cloud overlooked Squall for an oversized brat. However, now that they'd known each other for some time, fought along side each other, Cloud recognized the more sensitive details about his partner. He saw instead of childishness, a deep, ingrained hurt.

It scared him.

Maybe that's why he pushed.

Nevertheless, things were said. Swords were drawn. Blood was spent. Squall had more experience then Cloud had, this being something he was raised for, but Cloud had the advantage of being calm.

There was something to be said for quipping. Although it is, admittedly, vastly immature, it is a great tactic for angering your opponent. It trips them up, so to speak. Cloud used this tactic more then Squall, who would've considered it “dirty.”

That hardly mattered. Cloud still won.

And now he suddenly regretted these things as Squall suddenly sagged, letting his precious Revolver fall to the ground as though it were needless, a weight tying him down. Cloud noticed more subtle movements as well. He noticed Squall almost imperceptibly shifting his weight to keep his balance. He was fighting to keep upright, and Cloud had to admit, he was impressed at how Squall kept his false front up, even though he was the only one around.

Cloud set the tip of his sword on the ground, balancing the hilt against the crook of his elbow. He nodded at Squall, holding out a hand to him.

“You did good.” He said, feigning politeness while trying to keep from offending Squall, even in such a small way.

Squall smirked then. A sort of glance that made him look unearthly. Cloud would've been taken aback, had he the time. Squall took a nosedive to the ground.

Cloud swore under his breath, letting his own sword fall and catching Squall under his arms. He struggled with Squall's limp body for a thoughtless moment, as if bringing the young man to his feet would magically restore his consciousness. Finally, Cloud gave in. He lowered Squall to the ground, grasping him around the back, and giving a startled gasp as his slipped into a hot gash.

When the hell did I do that? Cloud thought. Yuffie was going to kill him. She idolized Squall. Cloud grimaced, knowing how the girl could be, remembering when he had once been the object of the girl's affections. But then again, she was a teenager, and teenagers go through crushes faster then they change clothing, although this infatuation seemed to last a bit longer then the others.

No use worrying about that now. Cloud reached around to the small pack he wore at his hip and pulled out a potion. He poured the contents directly onto the wound. The healing properties of the potion immediately began to take effect, slowing the bleeding down at least.

He lifted Squall's arm around his shoulder and stood. Shit, but Squall's heavy, Cloud thought to himself. Squall hanging at his side like so much dead weight wasn't helping too much either.

He decided to bring Squall back to the house. Aeris knew more about that bandaging healing crap then Cloud did anyways.

He got caught in the moment. He should know better. Cloud shook the thoughts from his head. He refused to beat himself up over this. He had Yuffie to do that for him later.

 

 

When Squall finally woke up, it was late afternoon. The skies were pink, edging on black with the early setting of the sun. Cloud stood outside, sorely nursing the heavy bruise Yuffie had given him on his forearm. Aeris was sitting next to him on the porch, chattering happily about something he really didn't care about.

Ever since he'd found her (alive, of all the damn things) she'd been pretty clingy, following Cloud around as if given the opportunity, he'd run away.

Hell, he probably would run away, with Yuffie punching him every damn chance she got, (well, as of this morning, anyway,) Aeris acting as if they were a couple, and Squall just being Squall was enough to annoy the hell out of anyone. He was beginning to wonder why he'd stuck around. (Probably had something to do with Aeris tearfully begging him to stay. Socially awkward moments were not something he was built for.)

Cloud let out a heavy sigh, lacking any poignant phrase that would get Aeris to shut the hell up, hoping against all odds that she'd take a hint. However, that, just like many other clues, went right over her head has she picked up her one sided conversation.

Yuffie loudly plodded outside, announcing happily that her beloved was awake. Aeris sat up a little straighter, giving the bouncy girl her attention. Cloud breathed, relieved that the girl was there, even though she punctuated every little detail with another punch to Cloud's growing bruise. He didn't bother defending himself to her though. He was more then grateful for the distraction she provided. Besides, in part of his mind, he knew he had it coming.

Just as Cloud was beginning to think that his arm would fall off, Squall took it upon himself to join them outside. Yuffie let out a squeal and nearly strangled the man in an embrace he looked none too happy to accept. Cloud smirked and turned away to the more peaceful scene of the sun setting.

“Hey,” Cloud said.

Squall looked over, pushing the spastic girl aside.

“You okay?”

Squall shrugged. “Still sore.”

An uneasy feeling levied itself against him then, a heavy feeling that settled between his shoulder blades. Cloud tried to shake it off, but couldn't.

When he looked up, he found the reason why. Squall was staring at him. Not in anger, just, without emotion. Cloud very quickly looked away. But the feeling didn't leave. When he looked up again, Squall was still staring at him, that same expressionless look on his face. Cloud wanted to say something, but he didn't really want to provoke the man further.

Finally, he stood. “I'm going to take walk.”

“Okay. I'll go with you.” Aeris offered.

“No!” Cloud said quickly. “That's alright.”

Aeris gave him a quizzical look, but consented. Cloud took off with Squall's gaze boring into the center of his back.

 

 

 

Cloud knelt beside the banks of the river, curling his hands into the long grass, and pulling it up by the roots. There was a gentle breeze in the coming in night air, one that whispered sweet words to him that he couldn't understand. It soothed him to be here, someplace so peaceful.

He really didn't mean to be cross with Aeris. It was just strange. In his own world, she had been killed. Right before his eyes, and there had been nothing he could do about it.

It was needless to say, that he still carried over some of the guilt he felt from this failure to protect her. That's why it made it so hard to see her now, alive and apparently well. Yuffie apparently had no trouble accepting it, and that made it even more awkward to Cloud.

She and Cloud had never really discussed what had happened on that day, and to tell the truth, he was grateful. He didn't think, at this point, he was ready to hear her side of the story. Especially now that he remembered Zack.

In a way, his kindness to her felt like a sort of betrayal to Zack. She was Zack's girl, wasn't she? And Cloud knew, that despite himself, despite all the progress he's made since the two years prior, there was still an odd, little part of him that blurred the reality between himself and Zack.

He often wondered if his feelings for Aeris were a part of that.

Soft footsteps plodded on the earth behind him, interrupting his thoughts. .[Author ID1: at Wed Feb 1 18:00:00 2006 ]

He didn't say anything, hoping whoever it was would take a hint. When the person got closer, Cloud let out a sigh.

“I don't really feel like talking, Aeris.”

“I'm not Aeris.”

Cloud shrugged. “I don't care who you are, Squall, leave me alone.”

Silence, then: “You know I don't go by that anymore.”

Cloud shook his head. “Right. Your paranoia thing.”

“I hardly consider it a paranoia.”

Cloud rolled his eyes and stood, dusting his hands off on his pants.

“What do you call it then?” When he heard no reply, he turned to look at Squall. Squall's head was turned away, looking at something else, though Cloud couldn't tell what. The look on his face was locked in a perpetual grimace, as always, but this time Cloud thought he could see something else.

In a softer voice, Cloud asked, “What are you running away from?”

Squall looked up then. “That's none of your business.”

“Fine. Don't get defensive on me.” Cloud said, throwing up his hands. “I didn't mean anything.”

Nothing was said for a moment. Squall was the first to speak again.

“You shouldn't be out here alone. Not at this time of night.”

“Aeris sent you, didn't she?”

“Yeah.”

Cloud gave a not quite laugh. “Damn her for caring so much.”

“You can't get mad at her.” Squall said thoughtfully.

“No. I just wish she wouldn't, though. I know I'll be alright.” Cloud said with a smile. “Everything I've lost… I've found again.”

Squall's gaze flickered away. Cloud understood, without Squall even saying anything, exactly what he meant. The same couldn't be said for everyone.

“Hey,” Cloud said, “sorry for what I said this morning.”

Squall shrugged.

He tried again. “You must miss her.”

Squall gave him a surprised look, before returning to his normal expression.

“No. I left her.”

“What?” Cloud was a little surprised to hear that. But then, Squall had always been pretty unpredictable. “Why?”

“We didn't get along.”

“You get along with Yuffie just fine.” Cloud pointed out. “That's not an easy thing to do.”

“Yuffie is not Rinoa.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Yuffie's still a kid. She…”

Squall paused then. Cloud momentarily wondered if Squall had as much trouble talking to people as he did.

“She what?”

Squall looked back up at Cloud, and away again.

“And what business is it of yours anyway?”

For some reason, that comment really irritated Cloud.

“Forget it. Last time I try to be sensitive towards you.” Cloud said, and under his breath, he added, “I'm not the one who's about to break.”

Or maybe he shouldn't have said that out loud.

“What the hell does that mean?”

Squall lurched forward until he was standing toe to toe with Cloud. Cloud gave him a measured look. He considered his next words carefully. He really didn't want another fight with Squall. Then again, he didn't really feel like covering for himself either. In the end, he took the easy way out.

“Nothing. I wasn't referring to you.”

“I'm not stupid.”

Cloud let out another sigh. “I'm sorry, alright? I'm tired, I didn't mean it. Let's go back.”

He stepped around Squall and started heading back to the house. He got a few feet away, and then turned to look at Squall.

“It's just that;” he began, “that you shouldn't run away. From anything. I should know.”

Squall narrowed his eyes at Cloud. “I wouldn't expect you to understand.”

“I'm not going to argue with that.” Cloud replied, letting his gaze fall to the ground. He didn't know why he bothered. He just couldn't understand why Squall had to be so stubborn. This conversation by itself was making him tired. “You come, at least?”

Squall, shifted his weight, from left to right, and nodded. Cloud waited for him to come within reach before he started walking again. Somehow, they made it back to the house without incident.

 

 

 

Cloud woke up early the next morning to Yuffie shaking him. Cloud groaned loudly and knocked her hand away.

“I'm awake, okay?”

“Good. Aeris has gone nutty. She's been cooking absolutely everything! Probably her time of the month. You know how she gets when-”

Cloud groaned again. “Please please PLEASE don't make me think about that.”

Yuffie grinned widely. “Well, get up anyways. And eat something. You don't wanna hurt her feelings ya know? That's how girls get when they-“

“Yuffie!”

She chuckled to herself as Cloud climbed out of bed. She waited patiently as he stretched and reached for his clothing.

He stopped, and looked expectantly up at her. “What?”

Yuffie reeled back, and hit hard in the shoulder. Cloud let out a yelp and pulled back, rubbing that same damn bruise, his pain renewed.

“That was for yesterday, punk!” she yelled, then turned on her heels and walked out the room.

And despite himself, Cloud smiled.

 

 

 

“Christ on a crutch, Aeris, we couldn't eat all of this in ten days, let alone one sitting.” Cloud said.

Aeris just smiled, setting yet another plate of muffins down on the table. “I guess. I just felt like baking today.”

“No shit.” Yuffie said, grabbing one of the muffins and tossing it from one hand to another to cool it off. “How the hell how you going to store all this anyways?”

“I'll think of something.” Aeris said, cocking her head to the side. Then, she looked at Cloud. “Hey, want to go find Squall for me? Tell him breakfast is ready?”

“Where is he?” Cloud asked.

“He went for a walk early on this morning. Took his gunblade with him.” Yuffie said, taking a bite out of her muffin, before beginning her toss again.

“Oh good.” Cloud remarked with a scowl. “That means he'll be killing things.”

“He might as well.” Both Cloud and Yuffie gave her a questioning look. Timidly, Aeris explained, “I mean; I hate those monsters out there. I don't want them coming near the house.”

“I'll go get him if you want.” Yuffie offered.

“Don't you think he's been through enough already?” Cloud said with a smirk.

“Shut up, asshole!” Yuffie yelled, throwing her muffin at him. Cloud managed to duck out of its way, and stood.

“I'll be back soon, okay?” Cloud said, reaching for his sword.

“No way!” Aeris cried, “You leave that here!”

“Why?”

“Because, you guys only got lucky yesterday. If you'd cut Squall any deeper, you could have really hurt him!” Aeris said with a pout, crossing her arms over her breast.

“But if I'm headed out to the caves, I'm going to need-“

“Squall has his gunblade, so I'm sure you'll be fine.”

“I don't want to rely on him for-“

“I said no!”

Cloud shrugged, throwing his hands up in surrender. “Fine. Have it your way.”

Yuffie snickered as Cloud finally walked out the door.

 

 

 

Cloud had decided long ago that he hated the caves. They were surrounded by a thick forest that made navigating through a task not at all easy. Besides that, it was filled to the brim with powerful monsters. Despite Aeris' fears, the rarely ventured anywhere near the house. Cloud tried to avoid the place as much as possible. Squall, apparently, had not yet learned that lesson.

Coming on the edge of the forest, he hesitated. He really, really hated this place.

A loud cry dispelled any misgivings he'd had. Fearing now that Squall could be in danger, he tore off into the forest.

“Squall, where are you?” Cloud thought he'd heard the sounds of a skirmish, but he couldn't tell where. Cloud continued yelling for Squall, though he honestly didn't know why. Even if Squall badly needed his help, he'd never ask for it. Pride or whatever else, it hardly mattered.

Finally, he came on a clearing in the woods. Squall was in the middle of the clearing, fighting a very large, very angry looking beast.

Cloud may not have his sword, but he did have few material equipped. Still, there was something to be said for fighting your own battles, and besides, Squall might be mad if he interfered.

But Cloud changed his mind when Squall was suddenly knocked to the ground.

Cloud leapt out from behind the bramble, calling out the incantation for Fire. It hit the monster hard enough to make it stagger back. The creature reeled in agony, blisters already rising up on its scaly-looking skin. Cloud took the few moments opportunity to reach Squall.

He reached down to let Squall grab his hand. “Come on, we got to get out of here.”

“It's not dead.” Squall said under his breath, knocking Cloud's hand away as he moved to stand under his own power. Stubborn.

Cloud was annoyed, but asked anyways. “What?”

“It's not dead, Cloud.” Squall stood. “Where's your sword?”

“Aeris was in one of her moods and wouldn't let me take it.”

“Great.” Squall mumbled. “Stay close to me, then.”

Cloud didn't argue that point. He really only had enough power for one last spell. He wanted to use it carefully.

As the creature slowly overcame its initial shock, it began a second charge. Cloud tried at first to stay close to Squall, but as the fight became more intricate, he found it much more difficult. He found it would be hard to fire off another spell. Squall would be at risk.

That all changed when Squall was suddenly knocked to the ground again, his body tossed back like a useless rag doll. Cloud was concerned, but he wasn't about to miss this opportunity. He cast his fire spell again.

The creature cried out in agony. Cloud knew it had to be in its final throes of life, as he watched it with earnest, silently ticking off in his head how long it should take for the damn thing to fall. It's time would come soon.

But, maybe not soon enough, he thought as the monster, desperate and angry in its final moments, made one last stand, charging at Cloud. He didn't have time to think of a strategy. No time to run. Just enough time to brace yourself and hope you're not damaged too badly.

Cloud closed his eyes and brought up his arms in a fool hardy gesture of shielding, when suddenly, an arm grasped him about both shoulders. Before he knew it he was being pulled back, away from the danger. Dark blood ran down his face, and it took him a moment to realize that it wasn't his. The monster, so fierce and murderous only moments before, was dead at his feet.

Squall still had him in a protective embrace. He was breathing heavily, his eyes closed, face set in a grim show of aggressiveness. The monster's blood covered him too, but most especially pooled on his Revolver.

Cloud gently extracted himself from Squall's grip and turned to face him.

“Squall?” Cloud asked. Squall said nothing, hyperventilating.

After a few moments of pained silence, Cloud finally dared to reach out a hand to him. Squall reacted angrily, and with lightning-fast reflexes, he snatched Cloud's wrist from the air, and pulled it down. Cloud, startled, was pulled down with it, now bent at an odd angle from the waist. He looked up at Squall.

“Don't.” Squall ground out from behind clenched teeth.

“What the hell's the matter with you?” Cloud yelled, yanking himself out of Squall's clutches. He rubbed his wrist gingerly, before moving on. “What the hell were you doing out here anyways? Trying to get yourself killed?”

Squall closed his eyes again. Under his breath, he muttered: “Maybe I was.”

Cloud stood there for a moment, dumbfounded as Squall turned to walk away. Then the anger built in him again. He moved to catch up with the brunette.

“You idiot! You can't go around saying things like that.”

“It's none of your-“

“It is my business! It became my business when you threw your lot in with Yuffie! You're important to me because you're important to her!” Cloud yelled. He grabbed Squall's shoulder and managed to spin him around. “Do you have any idea what you're saying? Do you have any clue?”

Cloud shut his eyes against the angry look Squall was giving him, and continued.

“Do you have any idea how devastated Aeris and Yuffie would be if you were killed? Especially for something so stupid…”

“Stop it…” Squall said softly, refusing to make eye contact with Cloud, looking at anything else.

“I'm not going to stop! I can't let you do this to them! I can't let you do this to yourself!”

“Stop it…” Squall said again, his voice just barely above a whisper.

Cloud lowered his voice a notch. “Do you even care?”

“I said stop!”

Squall lashed out then, grabbing Cloud by the shoulders and pushing him back, harshly against a nearby tree. The back of Cloud's head connected painfully with the tree, making a loud cracking noise.

Squall was always brutally efficient, even in his blind rage.

Nothing happened for a moment, with Cloud desperately trying to get his bearings. Cloud became painfully aware of the fact that the only thing keeping him upright was Squall. The world seemed to spin around him and the other man, and for a moment things went gray. Warm blood pooled at the back of his neck and crept slowly down his shoulders. If Squall had suddenly let go, Cloud didn't think that he could even stand.

Squall's head was lowered at what must have been a painful arch, his shoulders rising and falling with every loud, strained breath he was taking.

Cloud gingerly reached up and took Squall by the shoulders. Squall didn't seem to notice, and for that, Cloud was grateful.

“Okay,” Cloud said, fighting the feeling of nausea that suddenly washed over him. “Let's try this again.”

Squall looked up. Tears pooled in his eyes but refused to fall. Squall hated his weakness. He hated sharing his weakness even more. But the hurt was evident. In their moment of shared weakness, Cloud had to wonder who was most vulnerable.

“Squall,” Cloud tried again, “I want to help. We all want to help. But we can't if you don't tell us.”

Squall smirked again, that same half-hearted smile that revealed much more then it should. The broken smile of a man who's been pushed once too often. A poor excuse for a mask.

“You couldn't understand.” He said with finality, releasing his tight grip on Cloud's shoulders. Cloud swayed a little, but finally managed to catch his balance, holding on to the tree behind him.

“I can't. Not until you tell us what's wrong.” Cloud said, catching his breath, before continuing. “We've come so far along already. So, like it or not, we're in this together.”

Squall pursed his lips together, as if tasting the words of the man who stood before him. Finally, he replied: “I don't want your help.”

Cloud sighed. “Maybe not. But you need it.”

Squall gave him a look, still not answering. He reached up, touching Cloud's cheek with the back of his hand. He moved it around, earning a sharp hiss from Cloud as his fingers slid into the cut on the back of his head.

“I need to take you back.” Squall said, not bothering to move his fingers from the profusely bleeding gash. He twitched his fingers experimentally, and Cloud pulled away harshly, knocking into Squall's chest, as there was no where else to go.

Squall gave that same hair raising smile before leaning away from Cloud. Cloud swayed from the loss of support Squall's weight had provided. He easily caught Cloud by the arm and pulled it up, none too gently, around his own shoulders.

“Try to stay conscious, okay?” Squall said, before leading Cloud back to the house.

 

 

 

Cloud poked the bandage at the back of his head again. Aeris had dutifully stitched him back together, but now both he and Squall were getting “the lecture.” Squall in particular was receiving the brunt of her fury at this moment, and for some reason, Cloud almost felt embarrassed for him. It was stupid to feel like this, he realized, when Squall, in reality, looked like he couldn't care less. (Even though he was starting to look a bit miffed.)

And that was probably the reason Aeris was so mad at him. Squall stood quietly in the corner, accepting without evident emotion the things that she spewed at him now. That was what that bothered Cloud the most; the fact the Squall wouldn't defend himself.

Also, he was annoyed at the fact that she was only picking on Squall, when both were clearly in the wrong. And once again, it was because of this that Cloud felt the need to interfere.

“Its okay, Aeris.” Squall squirmed visibly, looking up at Cloud. Cloud didn't take the time to interpret this gesture. “Leave him alone, now. We're even, okay?”

Aeris glared back at Cloud. “Don't you talk to me! You're no better! Neither of you seem to realize what a big deal this is!”

“It isn't a big deal. I'm fine. Squall's fine-“

“That's not the issue! The issue here is that I can't leave you two alone for a minute without worrying about whether or not you're going to kill each other!” Aeris said, raising her voice to a level that made Cloud's head spin. “Compared to you two, Yuffie's beginning to look like the responsible one!”

A loud snort was head from the other room. Yuffie was evidently listening.

Aeris took that small space of time to catch her breath and turn back to Squall. “Cloud could've really been hurt out there.”

“I get the feeling he'll live.” He said, raising an eyebrow in Cloud's direction.

That comment really set her off.

“Do you even care what happened out there?!” She asked, placing an index finger on Squall's chest. Squall flinched away from the touch, an almost imperceptible movement. But Cloud saw it.

“Aeris, that's enough!” Cloud said, standing up now, bracing himself for the spinning he knew he was going to experience.

“No, it's not!” she yelled now, glaring up at Squall. “What do you care about, Leon? If not for us, for the people you live with then for whom?”

“Aeris, just drop it!” Cloud said, starting to get angry on Squall's behalf.

“I can't drop it! Not until I get some kind of reaction out of him!” Aeris said, pushing hard against Squall again. Squall took a step back this time, but Aeris didn't notice.

“Well, do something! Say something! Anything!” Aeris said, her voice nearly cracking.

Nothing was said for a split second of tense silence.

Then finally, Squall shrugged his shoulders and said: “Whatever.”

Aeris pulled back and slapped him, hard enough to snap his head back. Cloud moved in that instant, grabbing onto Aeris' wrist and he managed, even in his weakened state, to pull her back a couple feet from Squall.

Squall just stood there for a moment, his head still turned away from the scene. Cloud could already see a bruise rising, forming in the delicate shape of her hand. Finally, slowly, Squall turned his head back to them. His expression still had not changed.

Aeris was breathing deep, shallow breaths. She was shaking hard, and the thought occurred to Cloud that he had probably never seen her this angry.

By now Yuffie had come to stand in the doorway, and she looked on in horror at the scene unfolding.

Aeris shook herself out of Cloud's grip and turned away from Squall.

“Just go, okay, Leon?” she said in a hoarse whisper. “I don't think I can even look at you right now.”

Squall didn't hesitate. He picked his Revolver off the table and was out the door before anyone could've stopped him. Aeris left too, in the direction of her room, leaving Cloud and Yuffie alone in the kitchen.

Cloud collapsed loudly into the chair, its legs scraping hard into the wooden floor. She gave him a worried look as he brushed his bangs aside. He looked up at Yuffie. “Feel like going after him?” He asked.

“Why?”

“Because I think you're the only one he isn't mad at right now.” Cloud said with a shrug. “Don't let him get too far. He might decide not to come back.”

Yuffie nodded and ran out the door.

 

 

It was mid-afternoon when Yuffie finally came back, though alone. Cloud had tried several times to speak to Aeris, but she had ignored him, locking herself in her room. He finally gave up, figuring it was better to just leave her for now.

He instead concentrated on a pack of cards, playing solo games in an attempt to keep himself awake. Aeris had told him earlier he might have a concussion, and though Cloud wasn't sure what exactly would happen if he did fall asleep, he tried to be mindful of the warnings.

When Yuffie shook him awake, it took Cloud by surprise. Well, so much for that. He thought, rubbing his forehead in annoyance. Boring yourself to tears, he decided, probably wasn't a good strategy for inducing wakefulness.

“So, you find Squall?” He asked, feeling he already knew the answer.

“Yeah.” Yuffie said. “I walked with him for a little bit. He didn't say much.” She gave a thoughtful glance to the corner of the room, as though she was avoiding Cloud's questioning look entirely. “After awhile he told me to go home.”

“Where'd he go after that?”

“Hell do I know?” Yuffie said with a shrug. “He didn't tell me. He said he just wanted to be alone.”

Cloud gave her a worried look. “That probably wasn't a good idea.”

“Hey, he's an adult. What can I say if he wants to do something stupid?” Yuffie glanced back at Cloud. “How's Aeris?”

“Not much different from before. She hasn't come out of her room, and she hasn't talked to me.”

“Want me to try?”

Cloud leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes.

“If you want to.”

“Hey,” Yuffie said, poking Cloud in the arm. “You really shouldn't sleep.”

He opened one eye and looked at her in annoyance. “You don't think it matters so much now, do you?”

“I guess not.” She said thoughtfully. “But it's not something you should be risking.”

“Fine.” Cloud stood up slowly, keeping his eyes closed against the black spots in his vision. Yuffie reached a hand out to steady him, and though it felt almost awkward, he let her. Her touch was almost reassuring, a surprise, considering his feelings for the girl two years before.

“Maybe I'll take a walk.” Cloud suggested.

“Don't go too far.” Yuffie said, giving him a wry smile. “If you're not back in an hour, I'll have to get Aeris and whoop ya.”

“Since when are you my mom?”

“Well, someone has to keep an eye on you, and since Aeris is out of commission, it ought to be me.” Yuffie broke into her characteristic grin. “After all, I'm starting to look like the responsible one. I need to live up to my reputation.”

Cloud scoffed. “We'll see how long that lasts.”

 

 

 

He knew exactly where to go.

He knew exactly where to find Squall

Cloud walked at an even, leisurely pace. He was mindful of Yuffie's admonition, knowing full well if she had too, she would carry out her threat. But walking now, breathing in the cool air just felt overall good. It soothed his nerves and anxieties.

However, Squall most likely would not be at all happy to see him, so he took his time, going over the things he would say in his mind. Cloud had always been an awkward speaker, and it was never an easy thing for him to have a conversation with anyone, let alone Squall.

He found Squall sitting at the riverbank, almost in the exact same position Cloud had been in a few days before. Squall had both arms wrapped about his knees, hugging them tightly to his chest. He looked almost angry, a look that Cloud recognized from their quarrel yesterday. Somehow, that reserved little pout relieved Cloud, because feeling something, anything was better then feeling nothing at all.

Cloud also noticed, on moving closer to the figure, the tears streaking down his cheeks. Cloud tested his prepared words carefully again. His head still ached from where Squall had hit him, and he really didn't think it a good idea to provoke the emotionally unstable man right now.

He took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself.

“Hey, Squall.”

“What do you want?” Squall said in a hoarse whisper, putting on yet another show of calm demeanor, even though he probably realized that Cloud knew better.

“I just felt that you shouldn't be alone right now.”

“A lot you know.”

“I figured you'd say something like that.”

Squall gave a small shrug, bringing a hand to his face, drying his own tears, no longer even attempting his poor facade.

“I know she's still alive. I never found out what happened to the others, but I know she's alive.” Squall said. “I don't know if that's good or bad, or how I feel about it.”

It took Cloud a moment to figure out what he was going to say next, or least, how to cushion it. Then he remembered how blunt Tifa had been with him, and how much it had helped, and he changed his mind.

“You didn't leave Rinoa, did you?” He took Squall's silence as confirmation, and continued. “She left you, didn't she?”

A quiet, almost imperceptible voice, and one that definitely didn't sound like Squall's, replied; “I didn't deserve what she did.”

“I don't doubt it.”

A tense silence fell between them. Squall's breathing became heavier as the full extent of his emotions was laid bare.

“She used me the way she uses everyone. I had never understood…” Squall paused then, looking for the appropriate words. “… the rationalization behind those feelings… until I had them.”

Cloud nodded, though Squall couldn't see him. Not that he understood what Squall was saying. He didn't think Squall was even talking to him anymore. Just having the opportunity to say these things aloud was enough.

“I never realized what she was really doing.” Squall began to rub his face with the palm of his hand, as if he was scrubbing away at a memory. “I can still feel her sometimes… in the things I do or say…”

Cloud's careful expression dropped suddenly as realization hit him.

“She was a sorceress.”

Cloud had heard Yuffie say that one time, but he didn't think she'd ever fully understood the gravity of the situation.

“It makes you wonder,” Cloud said in a measured, even tone, “if that was ever really you.”

Squall didn't reply. He didn't need too.

So Cloud continued. “It's hard, when you think you've got so much control, to loose that much of yourself.” He paused. “I should know.”

Squall turned slightly, his shoulders and neck twisting to look at Cloud.

Aeris once mentioned, with a laugh, that Cloud and Squall were a lot alike. You just handle your problems differently. Cloud scoffed at the idea at the time, but looking at Squall now, gazing into his grey eyes, he couldn't dismiss the cheerful observation now.

Cloud took a few careful steps to where Squall knelt in the soft ground and took a seat. Squall moved closer then, taking the liberty of putting his head on Cloud's shoulder. Cloud brought up a hand and placed it on the back of Squall's head, feeling the soft strands of chocolate brown hair fall into and tangle his fingers.

“Aeris likes to say that no one can hurt us without our consent.” Cloud smirked then. Aeris was full of overused colloquialisms that unfortunately applied to these types of situations.

“I used to believe that.” Squall said in a whisper, closing his eyes as he relaxed into Cloud's caress.

“Me too.” Cloud let out a soft, bitter laugh then. “We're quite the pair, aren't we, Squall?”

Squall nodded against Cloud's chest, and moved in closer to nuzzle his neck.

“This is ridiculous, you know.” Squall said. “I'm not a teenager anymore.”

Cloud shook his head. “I don't think it's ridiculous.”

“Cloud?” Squall asked, looking up into his blue eyes.

“Yeah?”

Squall shook his head. “I don't know why it's important, but I want you to know at least. I do care. About a lot of things.”

Cloud smiled. “I know.”

They sat there like that for a long time, staring at the sunset reflecting off the surface of the river. And for that while they had everything they'd ever needed. They had the comfort of being with each other.