Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Of Baddies and Beasties and Squigglidoos ❯ I ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and all its eccentricities are not mine. Neither is Zenith, for that matter. By posting this I have bequeathed it and its inhabitants to you, and if you for some inexplicable reason become so very attached to it that you feel the only way your flood of emotions can be assuaged is by posting a songfic about it, then by all means, post away. ;)

 

 

It was summertime on Destiny Islands, which meant Satan had arisen and farted hellfire throughout the air. The humidity got so thick in the summertime that I sometimes thought you could drop a feather from two stories up and it'd take three hours to reach the ground.

 

And it was taking about that long that morning as I waited on Dr. Strauss. The waiting room was empty—lunch hour looming—but for me and the secretary. The last patient had left about ten minutes ago, which made me worried. I was supposed to be back by noon, anyhow, and the clock was ticking closer as I slumped in the chair, hands jammed in my pockets and eyes dully turned towards the television, where some cooking show was going on. It wasn't even anything unusual—I'd come for a vaccine, that was all, since Mom insisted I get one after the brief meningitis outbreak on the news. It happened in Twilight Town, she'd said, which was far from here, but it was still frightening to think about, especially since I was considering going to college there.

 

I turned to the secretary, who was putting on lipstick and trying to look busy at the same time. “Uh, I don't want to sound impatient, but,” I began, shifting up into an actual sitting position, “how much longer is this gonna take? I'm just here for a shot.”

 

She had clapped her mirror shut the second I'd spoken, and looked at me with painted on eyebrows raised innocently above her eyes. As she absorbed the question, she chewed her lip thoughtfully, obviously not certain herself and trying to come up with something. “He should be out in a minute,” she said simply. “Sometimes it takes a little while to switch gears.”

 

I wanted to point out that ten minutes was more than a little while, and that it was a little hypocritical for a doctor who insisted I be here at ten thirty exactly to be ten minutes late for the appointment. But I knew it wouldn't do any good, even if it had been the doctor sitting there instead of his bimbo of a secretary. So I hunkered down in the seat again and sighed.

 

Suddenly voices rang out from behind the door to the rest of the office, and both of us jerked to attention. We listened for a time as they diminished somewhat, and then there was an unsettling crash. I looked at the secretary, who was looking at me like she wanted me to go in there and figure it out. My incredulity at this must've shown on my face, because she bit her lip again and hastened away. I heard her voice join the others, soft and consoling, and then a louder crash made me jump to my feet. What was going on in there?

 

An explosion.

 

It knocked me off my feet and I flew up like a rag doll, so suddenly I didn't even have time to flail my limbs or scream. I entered the dreamy state of falling, where it feels like it simply cannot be happening, everything just kind of slows down and feels all slick and transparent, and—

 

Reality clobbered me in the head in the form of the floor, and I almost screamed. It felt like my shoulder had shattered on impact, and I rolled across the carpet and into a wall, stunned and unable to move. When the redness cleared from in front of my eyes, I tried to move, but my legs wouldn't obey. Something was whispering in my ear faintly, something I didn't really recognize, but at the time I was too sluggish from the blast to mark it as a point of concern.

 

The room was filled with smoke that seemed to sizzle on its way down my throat, but I was helpless. It seemed like I should have been able to get up, should have been able to move—but a strange weakness was spreading steadily over my body. I began to wheeze as my chest constricted, hoping someone would hear me, someone would find me…

 

“…had to go and make a mess back there, this is all your stupid fault…”

 

A voice as familiar as reality itself, and yet I couldn't seem to connect it to anyone. Everything was so foggy and hazy and smoky, and the whispering in my ears seemed to be getting louder.

 

“I didn't know it'd do that!” came an indignant response. The voice seemed a little lighter than the first, with a funny, almost guttural intonation. “How was I supposed to know it'd do that? I thought it was bluffing!”

 

“Even if it was a bluff, it would be stupid to take that kind of risk. It got away.”

 

“He didn't, though. It won't be able to use him anymore.”

 

The owner of the familiar voice sighed. “No, but there's no telling how many people he managed to infect. This is going to take ages…”

 

They were getting closer now, and I could make out shapes in the smoke. One was shorter and walked with one hand in his pocket, and the other seemed extremely angular, with his hands running through his hair as he sighed heavily. I tried to shift, tried to get closer so maybe they'd see me…

 

“It's got to be around here somewhere,” the second voice was saying. “It won't have gotten far. No patients around…”

 

My shoulder struck the wall and I let out a strained gasp. Heads turned in my direction, and I tried to figure out if that was good or bad. It seemed like they were responsible for the explosion, which didn't imply anything good, but they were honestly my only hope of getting out of here at present. Mom wouldn't be looking for me until noon, and with the doctor probably gone and the secretary wounded (if not dead)…was there anyone else on call right now? Probably out to lunch, I thought sourly.

 

“Live one,” the familiar voice said, approaching. “Wait—is that—oh, god! Sora!”

 

The revelation lurking at the edges of my consciousness manifested itself in a weak whisper then. “Ri…Riku,” I managed, almost crying with relief. It occurred to me that he was supposed to be at his summer job right now on completely the other side of the island, but that didn't matter. All that mattered right now was that I knew I was safe.

 

Riku knelt beside me, reaching out. The other man had been approaching as well, but now he leapt back with a startled shout. “Don't touch him!” he snapped at Riku. “Do you see them?”

 

Riku, who had shot him an angry look, faltered and looked down at me. “No,” he said in an uncertain, almost frightened voice.

 

“Look. Look hard.”

 

Riku's eyes widened then, and he gasped sharply. “They're…they're all over him!”

 

On cue, the whispering in my ears intensified, and my chest tightened painfully. Panic gripped me, and I struggled to calm down, tried to focus on breathing. In…out…in…out…

 

“Where're the spyurts?” Riku demanded of the shadowy form behind him, too buried in smoke to make out who it was. “We've got to get the spyurts before they—!”

 

“Went up with the kit,” his partner cut him off, shaking his head. “We can't even touch him with all those things on him…”

 

“If we go back it'll be too late!” Riku made a frustrated sound and pinched the bridge of his nose, looking under his fingers at me with desperation in his eyes. “Burn them,” he said finally. “Burn them off. We've got to get them off!”

 

“No.”

 

“We can't let them get inside him! I…I don't want to have to…”

 

“I know that, but I'm not lighting the kid up,” his companion told him sharply. “The flame'll hit his skin in no time, and by then I won't be able to control it.”

 

“Axel, please—!”

 

“The answer is no,” Axel told him shortly. The two of them looked down at me, Riku trying to restrain himself from something—maybe punching Axel's lights out or doing something to help me, I don't know. It was difficult enough to breathe, and more so to concentrate on what was going on, but the sudden tear that streaked down Riku's cheek as he stared at me with blazing eyes was enough to get my attention.

 

“I won't do this,” he half-whispered, standing. “I will not look into his eyes and kill him. I won't. Not again.”

 

“Riku.”

 

The silver-haired boy stopped and looked over at his companion, biting his lip to hide the fact that it was trembling. Axel put a hand on his shoulder securely, as if he thought Riku was going to shake into bits right there. “It'll be all right,” he said firmly, each word like a stone. “We will not lose him.”

 

Riku didn't say anything, several moments passing as the two of them just stared each other down. Then pain exploded behind my left ear, and I let out a strangled groan. Both of them turned to look at me, Riku drawing in a gasp. “They're…they're…!” he managed, almost panting the words in a torrent of disbelief. “W-what do we do?” he demanded more than asked of Axel, his eyes desperate.

 

“We wait,” Axel said simply. “You won't want to watch this,” he added, taking Riku by the shoulder and turning him firmly away from me.

 

The pain grew stronger and I bit into the carpet to stifle a shout, feeling the sickening sensation of something crawl into my mouth as I did. But I didn't have the will do to anything to stop it—reality was too blurred and painful. I was no longer even aware of Axel and Riku's presence in the room, but the weight had lifted from my chest for the time being.

 

The whispering, though…the whispering only grew stronger. It stopped coming from right next to my ears and started to resonate everywhere…from within…

 

 

I'm not sure how long I was out, but when I came to, I could feel the limp sway of my legs as someone carried me, and heard a faint crackling noise from below. I blinked slowly and smelled Riku, the faint paopu undertones bringing back years and years of memories. There was still a faint whispering in my ears, and it felt like I'd eaten something old and grimy, like a pair of used gym socks.

 

I murmured faintly and Riku stopped. “He's waking up,” he called, and in the next moment two pairs of eyes were above me as Axel joined us. Without the veil of smoke, now I could see the shock of red hair that seemed to explode behind him. He withdrew, and then I smelled something sharp and bitter. The scent brought me back into reality, suddenly awake and aware, and I realized Axel was holding half of a lime under my nose.

 

“There we are,” he said, his jet green eyes glowing as a faint smile worked at the edges of his lips. He gently brought one of my hands up to grip the lime. “Keep this nearby. They don't like it. It makes their antennae sting.”

 

I almost dropped the lime at that. Antennae?!

 

Riku was putting me down, though, and I felt a bit nauseous as something prickly shifted in what felt like my stomach. “What…what the hell…is inside me?” I managed, stumbling slightly and accepting Riku's support. I looked down and realized we were standing on what looked like pink sand, but it didn't swish like sand did—it was thicker and grittier, and let out loud crackles as I moved, sounding a bit like that crispy rice cereal stuff. There were no walls around us—it looked like the sand just stretched on and on into blackness. The only light came from the sand itself, which seemed to be glowing.

 

“Bugs,” Axel said bluntly, returning my attention to him, and I noticed he was wearing a very bright red-gold shirt. Or wait…no, that was…that was fur! What the hell?

 

Starting just under his chin, and ending just under his ribcage and wrists, Axel was coated with golden red fur that seemed to flicker when he moved. It wasn't hair, either—it was far too thick for it to be hair. It was fur, like on a cat. Fur. There might have even been more than that, but he was wearing a pair of leather pants, and I wasn't exactly eager to find out.

 

Once I managed to get my mind around this, I returned to the unfortunate word he'd spouted just then. “B…bugs?” I repeated, feeling about to faint.

 

“Heartless,” Axel said with a nod, “though they take the shape of bugs. In short, they're slimy little black creatures with gold eyes, and in this case they have eight legs and a double pair of antennae. About that big,” he added, holding his fingers about two inches apart.

 

I wavered on my feet, and Riku quickly put an arm around my waist to steady me. “I'm gonna be sick,” I moaned. Under normal circumstances, I probably would've disregarded this notion of bugs under my freaking skin, but the dude for one was covered in fur that I could see and probably touch if I wanted to, and for another I could feel the things inside me. It was a truly terrifying feeling that made me want to go take a five-year shower and maybe swallow two tubs of bleach.

 

“Then do it in a hurry, because we have to keep going,” Axel replied, looking around distractedly. “Not much farther,” he said to Riku.

 

“C'mon,” Riku said to me, hefting one of my arms around his shoulders and gripping my belt with the other. I grunted and tried to move, but he did most of the work, shoes crunching into the pink sand as we went.

 

“Where the hell are we?” I asked wearily, feeling the urge to slap at myself all over, but I couldn't due to pure exhaustion.

 

“This is…uh…” Riku frowned at Axel's back, as if that would provide some sort of an explanation. “Well, we're headed for Zenith—that's Axel's native world. He doesn't look like that back home,” he added quickly, and a jolt went through my system. Where exactly was “back home?” Two blocks over? An ocean away? On Earth?

 

Riku briefly let go of my wrist to scratch at his temple. “This is…this is, kind of…” He sighed then. “It'll probably be better when you come back around. Axel can explain it then, I'm still not very good at it. He's a Phoenix, by the way.”

 

“A what?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “He bursts into flames on a regular basis?” I added before Riku could answer that.

 

“Well, yes—but he doesn't die of it. He's not a phoenix by our definition—it's a quality of this world,” Riku said then. “They've got…they've got a lot of different occupations here. Phoenix happens to be one of them.”

 

“Uh-huh. And what does he do exactly?”

 

“Controls fire. It's useless on him, too.”

 

“I'll buy that,” I muttered. After all, I had an infestation happening inside my flesh. Believing that a guy with fiery fur could also control the damned element wasn't too far for my mind to jump. “This has got to be a dream…” That's right, a dream. All just a stupid nightmare from too much chocolate and too little sleep. But why, then, was it so vivid? “Please be a dream!”

 

“I wish it was,” Riku murmured from above, his eyes still on Axel. “Hey, how much longer?” he called.

 

“Here we are!” Axel called then, bending down next to a random patch of pink. He seemed to be writing something with his finger and murmuring. Riku drew closer, and I could see he was writing out the alphabet.

 

The…alphabet. Okay…

 

“You left out N,” Riku told him helpfully.

 

“I know.”

 

“Um…why?” I asked then.

 

“Because M-O-P spells mop,” Axel replied as if he was explaining a simple math problem.

 

I looked at Riku, and was relieved to see he looked just as flabbergasted as I felt. “Yes,” Riku said as if he didn't trust his own voice. “Yes it does, Axel. How does that help us?”

 

Axel let out a frustrated, hopeless sigh, like a professor who knows his students have no chance of grasping an extremely complex theory. “N-O-P won't get us there,” he said. “To go anywhere at all with that, I'd have to take out Q and F, and then we'd end up near Andromeda. And that's going backwards,” he added, finishing Z with three swift strokes.

 

“This guy's a kook,” I whispered to Riku, my voice rising in pitch sharply for emphasis.

 

“He knows what he's doing,” Riku replied, but he didn't look convinced.

 

Axel stood and studied his handiwork, and then, to our combined horror, drew a foot across the entire thing. Ignoring our strangled gasps of incredulity, he deliberately blinked, and then looked around with a satisfied smile. “Okay. C'mon,” he called, starting away.

 

“Axel!” Riku called angrily. “Axel, why di—?” But then he stopped speaking.

 

I turned to say something to him, but then blinked, and suddenly realized we were in a corridor. I couldn't explain it—one minute, miles and miles of pink sand, and the next, elaborate white columns. Axel was getting ahead of us, so we exchanged “what the fuck ever” glances and moved along.

 

Axel stopped at a doorway that was blocked off with solid glass but for a hole towards the center, and we looked in to find it was a library. A blue-haired man whose body below the neck seemed to be made out of shadow was seated on a cushiony chair across from us, absorbed in a book. “Morning, Zexion,” Axel called.

 

“Password,” Zexion replied impassively, turning a page without looking up. “You got it for me?”

 

“Not yet,” Axel said, and looked around the room. After a few moments, he looked back at Zexion with a smirk. “Billabong.”

 

“Incorrect.”

 

“Yeah, I know. Billabong.”

 

I started to wonder if maybe Axel was retarded.

 

“Right. Move along,” Zexion told him, waving a shadowy hand dismissively.

 

The door slid open and allowed us in, and Axel strode on past Zexion and up the stairs. “Riku,” I said then. “Uh.”

 

“I know. I don't…I don't know.”

 

“None of this makes any sense.”

 

“I know.”

 

I glared at the wall as we passed it, trying to make it make sense. Had Zexion just let us through because Axel annoyed him? But he hadn't been annoyed—he'd said that was right. It would be fine if there was something emblazoned on the wall, maybe, like “Billabong 2x” or whatnot, but there was nothing in the room to even suggest that particular password. Was it going to be like this the whole time we were here? I suddenly missed Dr. Strauss's office.

 

Axel was waiting at the top of the stairs for us, looking impatient. “Think it'd be faster to carry him?” he asked Riku. “He's going pretty slow, even with the lime.”

 

I suddenly remembered I had it, and moved it closer to my nose, feeling the bugs inside me retreat in the general direction of my spleen. I was getting used to the smell, though, and it scared me to think that they might do that, too.

 

“It might be more the shock than anything else,” Riku pointed out. “Axel, you didn't tell me—”

 

Axel sighed loudly. “Look. I could probably spend years explaining the delicate workings of this world, but we haven't got that kind of time. Just suffice it to say that this world works on completely different fundamentals—they're things that take a lifetime to learn. Just like yours.”

 

“Ours make sense,” I muttered sourly.

 

Axel shot me an exasperated look. “Okay. All right. What happens when you drop a ball and it hits the floor?”

 

“It bounces, probably,” Riku replied.

 

“Exactly. That's a fundamental. That's something you know no matter what. Here, though, you can't drop a ball and have it do anything close to bouncing.”

 

I suddenly wished for a ball, just to drop it and prove him wrong.

 

“In fact, it's dangerous, supposing it's under perfect conditions. If you drop a perfectly round surface to strike a perfectly straight one, it'll create a hanger…” Axel put his hands on his hips and cursed at the ceiling. “Even that's too complicated, you have to employ the rule of mess, and understand cycles…” He shook his head. “We'll be out of here in no time. Let's just go, all right? You can pretend it's all a dream or something later.”

 

Riku agreed with that, probably deciding to employ that kind of thinking the moment he got the chance, and we shuffled after Axel as he moved down the hallway, counting the doors. “Seventy…twelve…eight…ten…nine,” he said, stopping at the seventh door. I tried to make sense of this, realized that I couldn't, and wanted to kick something.

 

Axel knocked, and a voice several pitches lighter than his called out in response. The door opened on a young blond man, his hair caught up in a mullet, and I noticed that he had nothing particularly strange about him. Well—he had a bit of glitter on his face, but that wasn't as strange as being furry or shadowy. “Sorry,” he said with an apologetic smile. “The clams are a little vicious today…it's not a good time for—”

 

“We need to access the database, Demyx,” Axel told him.

 

Demyx looked uncomfortable. “You can't go to Xemnas?” he asked plaintively. “I thought you two were close…”

 

“Xemnas is at the chicken festival,” Axel informed him, “and it'd take him weeks to approve it anyhow. We haven't got weeks.”

 

Aqua-colored eyes widened then. “What is it? An infestation? A substitution? Brandy?”

 

“No,” Axel told him swiftly, putting his hands on the other man's shoulders, since it looked like Demyx was about to panic. “Not brandy. An infestation. We need to find someone compatible,” he explained.

 

Demyx nodded, and I suddenly realized that it wasn't glitter on his face—it was clusters of little scales that caught the light as he moved. Still, that almost passed for normal. Aside from the mullet, maybe.

 

“All right,” he said, drawing back. “Come in.”

 

He turned around, and I realized a very long, very scaly pair of tails were coming out of the small of his back, poking out under his shirt. “Oh, sorry,” Axel said then. “Guys, this is Demyx. He's a Naiad. Demyx, Riku and Sora,” he introduced us quickly.

 

“Nice to meet you!” Demyx said, turning with an enthusiastic smile.

 

“Hey,” Riku managed, and I waved.

 

“I guess you're our infestation case,” the Naiad added, looking me over. “Recent?” he asked Axel.

 

“Yeah. Got him over here as soon as his skin was clean.”

 

“Good thinking,” Demyx murmured, nodding. “I'm guessing you were out of spyurts?”

 

“Unfortunately, yes. The Heartless inside that doctor guy threatened to explode, and I called its bluff,” Axel explained remorsefully. “If Riku hadn't thrown the shield up, it might've gotten one of us.”

 

Demyx made a hissing sound through his teeth, and looked at Riku suddenly. “That…that wouldn't end well.”

 

“No it would not,” Axel agreed shortly as we moved on into the room, and he made a beeline for the computer.

 

There's only one word to describe Demyx's room.

 

Clams.

 

There were clams everywhere. All over the walls and ceiling, but blessedly not the floor, and the furniture was made out of the things. They were all different shapes, sizes, and colors, so a wave of rainbow fans hit our eyes as we entered, and it took Riku and me several moments to adjust. When we finally did, we looked at one another, as if we were amazed to find that we weren't made out of clams as well.

 

“Clams,” Riku said.

 

“Yeah,” I said.

 

“Wow.”

 

“Might want to set Sora down somewhere,” Axel suggested over where he was seated in a clam chair next to Demyx. The blond was working the only thing in the whole room that wasn't made out of clams, which was the computer.

 

Riku helped me over to one of the chairs, and was gingerly lowering me towards the seat when we heard a sharp hiss. Both of us turned to see that every clam on the damn chair had opened up to reveal regiments of needle-sharp teeth.

 

My first thought was that clams don't have teeth.

 

My second involved clinging to Riku and burying my face in his shoulder, whimpering, “I wanna go home.”

 

“Oh—yeah, put him on the floor instead,” Demyx advised. “The clams are reacting to the Heartless in him.”

 

Finding this idea sound, Riku quickly moved me to the middle of the floor, far away from any clams, and let me down. I, however, wouldn't let him go, and he ended up just sitting there beside me, letting me hold on. It wasn't like he could blame me—as I was soon to find out, he had seen some pretty weird stuff already. Not this weird, no, but weird enough to sorta kinda prepare him for something on this level. I had seen no such stuff, and was therefore not in the mood to let the only thing that connected me to a sane and sensible world get any distance away from me.

 

Meanwhile, Axel and Demyx were having an interesting conversation by the computer.

 

Demyx hit a button. “Banana.”

 

“No.”

 

“Banana.”

 

“No.”

 

“Banana.”

 

“No.”

 

“Avocado.”

 

“No, Demyx, I already said no avocado!” Axel snapped impatiently.

 

I snorted into Riku's shoulder and he started laughing too, struck by the utter nonsense of it.

 

“Dunno what's with them,” Axel said sourly as Demyx shot us a curious look. “Check plum. I've got a good feeling about plum.” He shifted in his chair, smacking a clam on the armrest that had been about to bite him.

 

Demyx made an uncertain sound. “That's awfully far away…”

 

“Doesn't matter. I bet he's in plum. That's closer to the islands, right?”

 

“In theory,” Demyx said, and grudgingly typed something in. I looked up and could see between them that it read “SORA X.” A layout of results began to appear.

 

“Isolate the males,” Axel told him. “We know it won't be a girl.”

 

Demyx looked hesitant. “Sometimes it is,” he replied uncertainly. “I mean, you would sort of be the expert—”

 

“Shut up,” Axel said sharply, shaking his head. “They're too rare, and we don't have time.” Demyx sighed at that and hit a few buttons.

 

“First one. Rosax.” The Naiad turned and glanced at me. “Nope…”

 

“Try Axors,” Axel advised, pointing at the screen.

 

“Sounds too much like Axel,” Demyx remarked, but pulled him up anyway.

 

“Eh,” the Phoenix muttered as a picture popped up of a bright, green-eyed boy with brown hair. “Sora, how old are you?” he asked then.

 

Demyx frowned. “That's not always a reliable—”

 

“Fifteen,” I called. Whatever got us out of here fastest.

 

“Isolate the fifteen-year-olds,” Axel ordered.

 

Demyx did that, and made an agreeable sound. “Oh, good. Only ten. Maybe we can check avocado afterward.”

 

“Demyx, for the third time—!”

 

“Oh! Blue eyes here,” Demyx called, and both of them spent a few moments looking back and forth between me and the picture. “Nope,” he said, and Axel nodded in agreement. They moved on to the next.

 

“Uh, what's going on?” I asked finally.

 

“They're looking for your other,” Riku explained. “The one person in this world compatible with you. He can get rid of the infestation.”

 

“Assuming he isn't dead,” Axel volunteered comfortingly.

 

“Eight more,” Demyx said then. “Sarox, Roxas, Xoras, Oraxs, Zo—Zaw—Zow—damn, Xoars, another Axors, another Roxas, and Sraox,” he rattled off, stumbling a bit when he hit “Xoars.”

 

“Check the first Roxas,” Axel told him, leaning forward and smacking another clam.

 

“Roxas? Why?”

 

“I dunno. I like that name,” Axel said, shrugging. “Makes me think of chocolate or something bad for you. Something too perfect.”

 

Demyx shot him a weird look.

 

“What.”

 

“Nothing…”

 

A picture popped onscreen. “Ugh. No. Red hair,” Demyx said. “Maybe Oraxs.”

 

But Oraxs was a no, too. Then they clicked another, and Axel leaned in close. “Very close,” he said then. “Blue eyes, the hair's not really that far off…you think blond is a close enough bet?”

 

Demyx sucked his breath in between his teeth, squinting disbelievingly. “I dunno. Something's off…”

 

“Riku, c'mere,” Axel said, and I released him. “This look enough like Sora to you?”

 

I watched as Riku bent over, obscuring my view of the screen and putting a hand on Axel's chair to steady himself. He shifted his weight nervously. “It's close,” he said. “The hair's too light…the hair's just way too light. Something's not right.”

 

“The eyes are the right shade, aren't they?” Axel asked, frowning.

 

“Yeah, but…” Riku snapped his fingers. “Ears. His ears are too big, and they're sticking out too far. See that? Sora's don't do that.”

 

“Definitely not him?” Demyx asked. “Just to be sure.”

 

“No. It's not him,” Riku said confidently, and moved away.

 

“Not Sraox, then,” Demyx said, and clicked back to the main page with a sigh. “I don't think we're gonna find him here. Plum's too far away to begin with, too backwater. I still say we try banana or banana, they're densely populated, and we're not stuck all the way out there if we're wrong.”

 

Axel shot him a pleading look. “One more?”

 

“Sure. Why not,” Demyx muttered, knowing full well that it would turn into “one more” after that and “one more” after that.

 

“Try the other Roxas,” Axel urged, and Demyx smacked him in the back of the head.

 

“This is about Sora's survival, not your taste in names,” he grumbled, but grudgingly pulled up the boy's file.

 

Silence.

 

The Phoenix poked Demyx in the shoulder. “You owe me a soda.”

 

 

A/N C1: Yes. Zenith has a habit of defying logic. But allow me to explain: I read this lovely little horror book called John Dies at the End, which was breathtakingly random, and then read part of the Discworld series, which was spectacularly random. And then I decided to do something similar to JDatE, only with Kingdom Hearts, and with EVEN MORE RANDOM. So far I can't say I've succeeded, but I've probably twisted at least a couple of brains into pretzels.

 

Pairings: I have no idea what's going to happen, to be bluntly honest. I pretty much handed the reins over to the characters for this romp in the hay, so everything you see above was completely their decision. It basically works like this: I say one thing, they say another, and they inevitably get their way. That's also the reason behind Sora's bursts of creativity in the narrative. At the moment, we're having a bitter squabble between Sora, Kairi, and Riku as to the signature pairing: Kairi's pushing for Riku, Riku's pushing for Sora, and Sora's pushing for Kairi. We'll just have to see what happens.