Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Reasons Why You Can't Trust Alchohol ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Happy Birthday, Naru chan!

 

This dedicated to you! It has been made as comedicSLASHhilarious as possible

in hopes of brightening the day by making you laugh!

 

 

 

…

 

…

 

If you don't so much as smile… I'll hurt you. ^-^

 

 

 

 

 

Time: 12:45am

Location: Living Room, Leon/Cloud's House

Occupants: Leon… and something lurking ominously in the background with an over dramatatised (not a real word) shadow that is being twisted by the T.V. show that Leon is watching.

Current Happenings: Leon is watching T.V. with a big shadow- IM NOT SAYING IT AGAIN!!!

 

Laying on a newly bought suede lounge, Leon lazily watched T.V. with a forearm long Vodka bottle dangling in one hand while his other is positioned behind his head. Leon was currently watching, without any visible interest, the new song by The Akatsuki called; I'm The Only Gay Eskimo.

 

When the song finishes Leon's face starts twitching and strange noises start crawling out. His lips curl upwards enough to look like a sneer and then.

 

“He… hehe… hehehe…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!” (over exaggerated for own personal amusement) And then…

 

“LAMA!!!” A high pitched screech cuts through the air like nails on a chalk board.

 

“AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Leon screams and turns round, still clutching the Vodka bottle. “CLOUD!?” The blond looks up to him with an innocent look plastered on his face. The his lips start twitching upwards like Leon before him and his innocent look falls away as he starts laughing, rolling around on the floor, clutching at his ribs.

 

imalineimalineimalineimaline

 

 

Time: 1:17am

Location: Outside a Pub called The Foxy

Occupants: …. Drunk, wasted and/or stoned people entering or exiting the bar but our main focus is on Axel and Roxas in Axel's car.

Current Happenings: Roxas was sent to fetch a drunken Axel and finds he is a festive drunk… Need I say more?

 

Roxas clutched desperately onto Axels waist, chest or back with one hand as the drunken red head leaned over him, trying to get his best friend down further, skin rubbing against skin, as the pyrotechnic tried to be careful not to press down to hard on Roxas' frail body, fearing of bruising him as body jerked…

 

“Honestly, Axel. This, among other reasons, is why you should get that damn window fixed. Don't you know how hard it is to drive with your best friend is leaning across you vomiting out the driver's side window?”

 

(What did you think they were doing? … Pervert…)

 

imalineimalineimalineimaline

 

 

Time: 6:03am

Location: Bedroom, Sora/Riku's House

Occupants: Sora, awake, and Riku, asleep.

Current Happenings: Riku is sleeping and Sora wants to play…

 

Sora stood, hands on hips, over the double bed Riku was sleeping in, right hand under his head, left hand stretched out and open face up. Sora was standing to the right of the silver haired teen. An evil smirk crossed his features as he thought of the best way to wake up his roommate.

 

Sora left the room the room not bothering to be quiet as he stomped down the flight of stairs like a hippo on crack.

 

The brown haired blur raced back up to the bedroom, a can of special alcoholic whipped cream, the only cream in the house and was also a gift from Axel, and a tissue in hand. It's not like he would be able to find a feather…

 

Sora laughed softly to himself as he walked round to the right side of the bed, where Riku's hand lay, and sprayed an overdose of whipped cream into his friend's palm. Sora then walked back to the other side and started waving the tissue lightly on the tip of the silver haired teen's nose.

 

Riku wriggled his nose slightly then turned his head towards Sora, promptly burying his nose in his arm.

 

Not one to give up easily, Sora started to give the same tickling treatment to Riku's cheek. The teen's beneath him brow creased and started moving his left arm…

 

Splat!

 

Riku stared up at the cream covered teen above him with his one visible eye, sneer evident, as bright blue eyes stared down at him in surprise.

 

“Good morning, Sora.”

 

imalineimalineimalineimaline

 

 

Time: 9:47am

Location: Bedroom, Axel/Roxas' House

Occupants: Axel… And a silhouette by the window which appears to be holding something BIG and ROUND!

Current Happenings: Axel is sleeping and is happy…

 

DONG!!!!!

 

“AHHHH!” Axel leapt out of his warm, soft, peaceful and utterly comfortable dream and bed, tripped on the blankets and landed face first onto the cold, hard unforgiving evil wooden floor…

 

After a sufficient amount of twitching, Axel looked up to see an all too happy Roxas grinning his evil grin, the offending Gong still in his clutches with the overly large mallet resting against his hip.

 

(Dictionary: Gong: A circular bronze plate that makes a resonant sound when struck with a mallet, used especially as an orchestral percussion instrument or to summon people to meals a.k.a. torture device)

 

The red head slowly clambered back onto his before his worst and most evil nightmare came true and he lay down…

 

“Ooowwww…” Axel moaned and turned over, facedown, on his bed, the full effects of last night's drinking binge coming in full force. “Fuuuuck… This is the worst hangover I've ever had…” The red head's moans of pain were muffled by the large, soft pillow he had a death grip on.

 

“Awww… poor wittle Axel…” Roxas spoke in his baby voice, offending mallet and gong thrown perilously behind him, through the overly large window, down three stories before landing on a piano with a resonant ding, to which the mallet then landed making a whimpering BANG! (A.N. … something is wrong with that sentence… -_-`)

 

“Shut up, Roxas…” Axel grumbled, making the blond laugh. Roxas sat down, roughly, on the side of the bed, by Axel's head. “Roxas…”

 

“Yeeessss?” The blond teen crooned.

 

“Get. Out.”

 

“No.” Axel chanced a peek out from under his pillow to the teen above him.

 

“And why not?” Roxas had an evil smirk on his lips. “Roxas?”

 

“You shouldn't have got so wasted last night, Axel, cause now you're going to regret it, big time!” Axel ransacked whatever part of his brain that was functioning, trying to figure out what Roxas had in store…

 

“Like I haven't already?” Axle was in disbelief. “That evil gong and mallet was bad enough. Cant you let me suffer in peace?”

 

“Yes.” Axel gave his best smile one could give while the sound of the evil gong was still ringing in his ears and he felt as though his head was being split open and closed so fast but not fast enough so his brain was being squished by the jagged ends of his skull…(Graphic, no?) “But I'm not going to.” ^-^ -ROXAS

 

“…” -_- -AXEL

 

“…” ^-^ -ROXAS

 

“…” -_- -AXEL

 

“…” ^-^ -ROXAS

 

“…”-_- -AXEL

 

“…” ^-^ -ROXAS

 

“… evil…” >-< - AXEL AND THE PERSON WHO HAS BEEN SAYING THE WORD evil THROUGH OUT THIS SECTION OF THE STORYslashDOC

 

imalineimalineimalineimaline

 

 

Time: 10:24am

Location: Kitchen, Axel/Roxas' House

Occupants: Axel and Roxas.

Current Happenings: Axel is being punished for his misdeeds…

 

Axel stood slumped over the kitchen sink that was not filled to the brim bubbles but with a week's work of dishes…

 

“You did this on purpose…” The red head mumbled. Roxas, who was sitting on the kitchen counter to his left simply smiled.

 

“I have no idea what you're talking about, Axel.” Axel frowned and glared at the other boy.

 

“Like hell you don't.” He pointed an accusing finger. “You deliberately neglected to do the dishes because you knew I'd go out drinking and you would give this as punishment.” Roxas didn't even bother to try and hide of conceal his smirk.

 

“And your point is?” Axel gaped like a fish out of water before angrily tuning back to finish his work. “You know what they say, Axel. Never go to bed angry…”

 

“Stay up and plot your revenge.” Axel finished his lover's sentence before giving him a sly look out of the corner of his eye, his own smirk evident…

 

imalineimalineimalineimaline

 

 

Time: 10:27am

Location: Bedroom, Leon/Cloud's House

Occupants: Leon and Cloud

Current Happenings: Wakey, Wakey

 

Leon lay curled up on his side in a tight little ball on is one/fourth of the bed as his blond counterpart, or as Roxas repeatedly calls him as his better half, lay spread eagle, the bed sheet draped haphazardly across the pair of them.

 

Cloud started squirming and woke.

 

“You stink. Go take a bath.” Was all the sleeping brunette got as a warning, as he was then promptly kicked off the bed and onto the cold wooden floor.

 

“Wha---?” Leon sat up and looked to the blond for an explanation. “CLOUD!”

 

“You stink.” Leon rolled his eyes and got up.

 

“Gee, thanks.”

 

imalineimalineimalineimaline

 

WARNING!!! (We all know why that's there, don't we? ^-^)

 

Warm, strong arms wrapped themselves around a narrow waist as two men dueled not by swords or magic but with their lips and tongues.

 

Water ran down their bodies from the faucet picking up the sweat the friction between them produced, sliding down over bare flesh, taut muscle and scars of ages passed. Moans of ecstasy and groans of carnal pleasure filled in the empty space of the small shower cubicle.

 

Steam from the heat rose as the two beings ascended ever higher to their peak, where neither can tell where they ended nor began, where all they could do is wait for their senses to slowly crawl back to them as they lay panting in the other's arms.

 

Leon clawed desperately at the shower tiles as his lover's hands grasped his aching cock, squeezing and tugging at all the right places, at all the right times. It is a skill that had taken months to be perfected.

 

“C-Cloud…” A butterfly's kiss to the back of his neck told him his meaning was heard. The hands retreated and settled on his hips, grip tight, and another kiss fleeted against his skin.

 

Pleasure shred its way through his body as his lover's cock was thrust repeatedly into his sanctum with savage delight.

 

As their need grew the sounds of their exerts increased. Hands clawed, skin rubbed and clashed, mewls and moans where merging in growls and howls and sense of being two beings was soon overridden to be one as their release claimed them.

 

imalineimalineimalineimaline

 

 

Time: 12:36pm

Location: Lounge Room, Axel/Roxas' House

Occupants: Axel and Roxas

Current Happenings: Roxas is going through Axel's wallet…

 

“Hey Axel.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Since when did The Foxy start selling `Poofter' drinks?”

 

“WHAT?! ROXAS YOU SHOULDN'T BE SAYING THAT WORD-”

 

“No, no. It says on your receipt `Poofter Drinks'.”

 

“What? Give it here…

 

*scanning… scanning… scanning… scanning… still scanning… scanning… (I'm surprised he isn't dying from alcohol poisoning!) scanning… Ding-Ding!*

 

“Oh, it does too… Seeing as it's after the Vodka Martini and before the Vodka Shots it must have been the Bacardi Breezer I got on a dare by Demyx…”

 

“Think he knew?”

 

“He said I had to keep the receipt so, yeah. I think he knew…

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“Cool.”

 

 

(TRUE STORY. There is a bar in Australia that calls Bacardi Breezers `Poofter Drinks' XD)

 

 

Oh, thank heavens its finished… XD

 

I've spent too much time on this and now I'm REALLY behind in everything else… oh, well… My fans are used to it I suppose ^-^'

 

I hope you have all enjoyed my first comedy fic and that you are all now either:

 

a) Happy or happier

b) Slightly to extremely horny or

c) Both.

 

Until next time! Ja ne!