Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Sora Must Die ❯ Help Wanted ( Chapter 1 )

A/N: Anything that mentions the phrase "Squeenix" is a contraction of Square Enix. Oh, and the characters are self-aware. You'll see what I mean.

Chapter 1: Help Wanted

The crack of dawn totally exploded over the land of Squeenix-owned Lakefront Resort, pouring through the glass-slide door in front of the living room. Architects of Squeenix Headquarters love going all out for their generically named constructs (see: Lakefront Resort), imagining anything breathtaking like views of a lake, dock, and surrounding foliage. This particular lakefront house had Squeenix-certified realtors dominantly vouching for its wall-to-wall brilliance to enthusiasts of all things "I can easily have sex here." Not to mention that the enriching sunrays highlighted living room pieces from leather to hardwood, also revealing the ten or eleven hangovers scattered about. You could probably say it's eleven if you count Jiminy Cricket's punch drunk little bug ass on the couch. Speaking of that cricket…

"Ooh yeah…" He didn't know how he hooked up with this chick. He just knew the presence of cheeks grinding on him was a good sign. "Oh, the fellas aren't gonna believe this!" Jiminy whisper-yelled, cracking his eyes open to see that it was not in fact a hot babe he was serving up humps to but actually a potato. "This is a potato."

Jiminy got up from his hangover and did his version of a leap off the couch cushion. Yawning and scratching wherever his cricket balls are located, Jiminy walked past his other passed-out party pals in search of Sora. He had humped a potato and needed to write this down, but he left his journal somewhere in Sora's hoodie. Walking down a pretty wide hallway, Jiminy's antennae picked up the vibration of Sora's familiar yawn a few doors down.

Sauntering right through the door, which was wide open, Jiminy saw the two most hungover guests of the party: Sora and Aqua passed out, assed-out naked over the sheets. Luckily Sora's coat was on the floor, so it didn't take long for Jiminy to take notes as well as pictures of all the evidence in that lofty room. Pocketing his journal, Jiminy left the scene with a little pep in his step, chanting, "Welp, this is still better than nothing!"

Sora woke up with his dick jammed between Aqua's butt cheeks, and even though it was a pretty strong hangover, Sora still found time to appreciate it. Seeing as how her back was to him with them both spread-eagle like two sweaty horndogs, Sora had a face full of blue hair to almost swallow and gag on. Jolting himself awake, Sora sat up and instinctively grabbed Aqua's tits to keep her from falling over because Sora is all about that safety.

"Whose dick is this…?" Aqua said that.

"I'll give you a hint," Sora said. "You went skinny-dipping with him last night."

Stretching her arms and legs, Aqua said, "We did way more than that." She tried dismounting but felt a resistance stop her. Eyeing an empty super glue tube on the floor, Aqua sighed in agitation. "Yeah. We did all kinds of shit."

Trying to shimmy himself out of her, Sora reported, "I think your ass is stuck on my dick."

"No, your dick is stuck in my ass!" Aqua retorted, rocking around not so gently.

"Hey, careful! You're gonna freakin' rip my whole bird off! Oh, and just a side note, my dick's doing like a hot dog thing in your butt cheeks so I'm technically not stuck on the inside."

"Don't even piss me off right now, Sora!" Aqua yelled, leaning back and looking Sora in the eyes.

"Maybe you wanna pipe down. I think the others are still—"

Suddenly, Quasimodo, yes freaking Quasimodo, walked in with a camera phone and instantly devoured the scenery, bellowing, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"

"Here…in the house," Sora finished, looking deflated.

Thankfully, Sora's junk was already covered up by Aqua, who was way more exposed than Sora. Covering her boobs and happy trail, the blue-haired spell caster screamed, "Quasi, you better turn around and WALK if you know what's good for ya!"

Purely focusing on snapping as many pictures as possible, Quasimodo kept stalling, "Wait, lemme get a video at least!"

Sora didn't actually care, but he still grumbled, "You'd better not be posting that shit—"

"Oh I'm posting that shit!" Quasi declared.

After the hunchback paparazzi received enough footage and pillows thrown from Aqua, he darted back to the living space and screamed for all to hear, "SORA AND AQUA TOTALLY HOOKED UP!"

Back in the living room, Sam and Quorra from the Tron level of Dream Drop Distance groaned awake on the floor. Rubbing his zonked-out eyes, Sam gave his props, "Really? Good for that kid. Never knew he had it in him!"

"At least someone knows how to get laid," said Quorra, clearly not feeling like enough of a sex object.

The TWEWY guys were also at the party with Beat and Joshua achieving the reward for waking up in a completely non-homosexual position together. Psyche—they were sixty-nine'd on the coffee table. As for Shiki and Neku, they were just waking up on the pool table. (Basically, anyone halfway important in the 2.8 Collection were in attendance for this wild party, except for Riku and Kairi. And Donald and Goofy. And Pete. And Terra. And Ventus. Maleficent wasn't there either. However, Mickey and Minnie were totally there, peacefully napping in each other's arms on the love seat…because they can handle their shit.)

Back to Shiki and Neku, Shiki had dragged herself to a sitting position amid the billiard balls. Spitting out a cube of billiard chalk, she inquired, "Wait a minute, who'd you say hooked up with who?"

Parading around the lofty living area with cell phone footage in-hand, Quasimodo proudly repeated, "Sora. And Aqua. Were doing the nasty!"

Back in Sora's and Aqua's room, Aqua had jumped to her feet, also causing Sora to jump to his feet and hold her boobs for leverage (because he's all about safety like that). Determined to spread the truth, Aqua screamed, "Not true! We just went streaking!"

"Skinny-dipping," Sora corrected.

"Skinny-dipping!" Aqua corrected.

"Doesn't matter, had skins!" Quasimodo replied from the other room. "You're the MAN, Sora!"

As Shiki reviewed Quasi's generous catalog of Sora's and Aqua's nudes, a few things just weren't sitting right with her (and probably a lot of the readers who stumbled upon this page). Still perched on the pool table, she said, "This doesn't make sense. I'm way freakier and hotter than Aqua but Sora never once asked to see me naked. Also, isn't he madly involved with that Kairi chick? What's gotten into that Keybonehead?"

There were mumbles from down below.

"Whoa, who said that?" Something was making her crotch warm…

Peeling his hungover face from between Shiki's legs, Neku annunciated more clearly, "Clearly, he's got the hots for Aqua, now."

"Oh, what d'you know?" Shiki said, pushing Neku's head back into her vuh-jay-jay.

So Sora and Aqua had clearly enjoyed each other's company the previous night. The real question was just how far did they go? Shaking his head, Sora stated, "This is ground zero for a really fucked-up rumor."

Clearly reaching her breaking point, Aqua threatened the lad, "Keep talking and I'll shove you in deeper!"

"Tch…too bad I couldn't've been glued to your lips."

That earned a sharp elbow to the sides. "Shut up and walk us over to the bathroom!"

"Well, take a look at who's on who and lead the way, you giant cock-ornament!" Sora snapped, earning another elbow jab.

"Whatever. And you can let go of my boobs, now!"

Sora jerked his arms back, but the hands remained in place. "Oh no, I think something's wrong—"

"STOP SCREWING AROUND BEFORE I TEAR IT OFF YOU!"

Dropping both the charade and her tits, Sora devilishly smiled and said, "Worth it."

They tried running hot and cold water from the shower over their adhesive dilemma, adding soap and hot steam to catalyze the process but all that did was make them both too horny to function.

"Welp, my cock's hard." Sora stated this as fact.

"Quit saying that. You're making it harder." Having an idea, Aqua offered, "I got an idea. Just try humping!"

"Way ahead of you." Grabbing two handfuls of sopping wet hips, Sora donned a war-face before starting his engine. Sure, this task would come a lot easier if his ding-a-ling was simply inside one of Aqua's holes, but Sora was determined to screw some space between the two somehow.

Planting her hands on the shower's glass wall for leverage, Aqua assumed the position and suddenly, the jewels slipped free, initiating the "clacking phase." This additional conflict of moving parts caused the heat of the moment to demand moaning and cries from either party, making their job that much more sexual if that's even freaking possible. Oh wait. Of course it can.

While ramming it out with acute precision (all in sixty frames a second), Sora felt progress being made as the underside of his manhood began peeling between each clack, slowly but surely edging for sweet freedom.

"C'mon, Sora—work those hips!" Aqua bellowed over their wet skin sounds.

Practically turning her firm arch into a set of handle bars, Sora made like a jack-hammer and further peeled himself away from his blue-haired cock-ornament. However, right when his tip was all that was stuck between Aqua's ass cushions, Sora totally climaxed and shot his jizz-juice all the way up to the back of Aqua's neck.

"AAAGGHH!" Sora couldn't help himself.

"You didn't get any of your goddamn dick butter in my hair, did you?" Aqua questioned.

Sora flippantly replied, "Just relax, you're in a shower for fuck's sake. Also, kind of rude this whole time you still haven't complimented my dick's haircut."

"And waking up with your dick jammed up my ass isn't more than enough of a compliment for you?"

"Why did we go skinny-dipping again? Oh yeah, because we were talking about my dick's haircut and you wanted to see. Aaaand then you denied the design like I didn't shave it flawlessly. Remember that?"

Peering over her shoulder, Aqua had to admit, "I guess it does look like a crown. Oh, and the real reason is because you got me drunk and said 'get naked'."

Smirking, Sora gave his rationale, "Yeah that's my fault. I totally forgot to say please. You look hot from behind, by the way."

Turning to look him in the eye, Aqua mustered a smile and said, "Thanks. Now get you're huge rod out of me!"

"Aye-aye."

Sora took his hand and chopped his dick free. Quick and painless.

"Well, that was anticlimactic," Aqua stated, turning around to face Sora.

So now they were both naked in the shower, facing each other amid the mist.

Shrugging, Sora said, "Pleasure doing business with you. You have jizz on your back."

Out of nowhere, Aqua blurted with a look of disbelief, "How do you not wanna have sex with me?"

Baffled by her logic, Sora pointed out, "I technically just had sex on you. What's the difference?"

She crossed arms and started pouting. "Sora, are you gay?"

"Next question," Sora smoldered.

Grabbing her own wet-as-fuck tits, Aqua exclaimed, "How can you stand there with your dick out, seeing me with my ass, my boobs, my cooch—all in front of you—and still not try to go inside me?"

"You sound like you're running thin on patience," Sora observed. "How about you lay down and I trip and fall in instead?"

With a final look of contempt, Aqua reached for Sora's face and kissed him fervently, taking the young Keyblader by surprise. Sora's hands fell to her sculpted sides, once again embracing their current state of wet undress. Returning her kiss with more than enough vigor, Sora allowed Aqua's tongue to wrestle with his until both their bodies pressed firmly. Sora always knew Aqua was just an inch or two taller with heels on, but up close and personal really closed the distance. And even though he just came like a minute ago, he was already back in the goddamned zone…

Forcefully pushing his blue-haired sex-pal up against the shower wall, he picked her up under her thighs and pleasured her neck with vampire-approved sensuality. The huge ass shower head (it was huge, dude) poured directly over the two lovers, doing everything to lubricate the two-person machine right below.

Sora whispered with a heated, feral look, "Happy? You win."

Happy to have reached her goal of seducing the un-seducible, Aqua breathed in Sora's ear, "Guess, I changed your mind then."

Sora felt one of Aqua's legs wrap around his own. Freeing a hand, he guided his cocksure manhood around the base of Aqua's sweet walls, rubbing that with some affection. Daring to go deep inside, Sora said, "Yeah, you win all right."

Behold, shenanigans went down. A portal of darkness opened on the wall directly behind Aqua, plunging the two lovers into a black abyss.

"Sora, we're falling!" Aqua screamed in terror.

Shaking his head in apparent frustration, Sora muttered, "This has Kairi written all over it."

Some unseen force pulled Aqua from Sora's embrace, leaving only their hands clasped. Losing her grip, Aqua asked, "Sora—did we do something wrong?"

Again shaking his head, Sora casually replied, "I don't think I did. You, on the other hand, met me when I was a kid, so this kind of makes you a pedophile."

The rushing darkness around them finally succeeded in pulling the two apart. Falling in some unknown direction, Aqua shrieked, "Sora! Don't lose sight of the light!"

Falling into Kingdom Hearts knows what, Sora watched his naked comrade sink into the black distance. Somehow the Realm of Darkness had accepted them as new pledges, which means Sora and Aqua could end up literally anywhere in the Dark World. And now that they were separated, this could only spell grim times for the hangover-hookup.

While he was falling alone in the raw, Sora figured he might as well relax. Throwing his arms behind his head, he sighed and admitted, "Well, ah…I could use some help."

-X-

A/N: Fuckin' A dude, I need some help too! I really, really, really want to get in the habit of drawing up wicked awesome fan art, especially for some of the scenes I describe in my raunchy-ass stories, but I'm a crap artist, plain and simple. I will get more skilled with time, but for right now, I'm copying and pasting pictures into photoshop. So, yeah, the quality could use some improvement.

I firmly believe I'll become an expert after the acquisition of some kind of drawing tablet, because pencil and paper are like school bullies for me, fuck. Not just any tablet…one that draws on the screen itself, some real futuristic shit. Anyway, I'm gonna actually try to make some original fan art, and I'm super nit-picky, so this could take a while.

Chapter 2: Definitely Posting That Shit comes after the fan art!