Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ To catch a falling star ❯ Part 9 ( Chapter 9 )

Chapter 9

Zexion couldn't help but curl in on himself, wanting to burrow under the covers and never come back out. Axel had said that Demyx had seen. He was the only person to have touched this body, to have looked at him in so many years. The pain and despair that radiated out of him was unbearable.

This couldn't have been worse.

The walk home had been an odd revelation. Zexion had wanted to be close to the musician and yet he had found himself needing more than just his proximity. He had come to care about the silly man and he knew that he would do anything to be with him. But what could he do now?

Zexion had always hidden himself from others, and now the one person he had been getting steadily closer to had seen him - all of him. He never been ashamed of his body, it was what it was in his mind, but he knew others would find it distressing so he'd taken to covering it up. It also helped with his touch issues. But what he now realised was that he wanted Demyx to like his body and he felt shame for the first time.

Zexion didn't want this - he wanted to get closer to Demyx on his own terms, getting to know him as a person. He knew how much people relied on appearances as a judge of a person but Zexion wanted Demyx to like him for more than what he saw on the outside. Who could love him if they saw him as he truly was?

Though they had talked a lot over the last few weeks it wasn't enough to have revealed this to him yet. There was so much more to say - he wasn't ready for this. Zexion couldn't bear to see pity in those soft sea blue eyes. He knew that he didn't have the strength to get up - but if he could have, he would have hidden away inside his house trying to rebuild the walls that had crumbled from around his heart. He felt so raw - exposed.

Zexion didn't know what to do. And for a man that was always in control of everything - it was terrifying.

He heard Axel's apology from a distance, his mind rioting and retaining most of his attentions. His chest was heaving but he kept lips clamped shut so as not to let any of the distressed sounds he was making escape. He felt nauseous, his stomach churning as he wrapped his arms around it, trying to hold himself together. Zexion felt like he was unravelling.

He glanced up at the flash of brightness from outside and on hearing the deep rumble of thunder from overhead he tried to lose himself in the storm, letting its ferocity consume his thoughts and hopefully ease his mind and body; distracting him enough so that he could think and so he wouldn't have to face anyone.

The window was filled with roiling clouds in the deepest shades of grey, the torrential rain battered against the glass and shook it in its frame. It was as though the storm wanted to get in, to rush through the small opening and turn everything upside down and inside out. It mimicked his tumultuous emotions perfectly. What Zexion wouldn't give to be lost out there once more, body buffeted by the wind and the freezing rain, just so he couldn't think or feel anymore.

Just so he could be anywhere but here.

His eyes shut and Zexion made sure that the warm blankets covering him were tucked up around his neck. He didn't like the chill of the air on his naked nape. It left him feeling exposed and vulnerable, more so than he had been already.

How could he have let this happen? Zexion knew that he shouldn't be hiding under the covers like this. He knew he was behaving like a little kid, but he didn't know what else to do. He didn't know how to deal with everything that was happening, he felt powerless in the face of the emotional storm assaulting him.

He heard the door open and close behind him, the sound of a voice Zexion had been hoping desperately to avoid for just a little longer, "Zexion - how are you feeling?"

It wasn't the familiar Zexy that he had come to expect from those lips, it was rare that the musician actually said his full name, preferring the shortening he had given him early on in their relationship - if he could call it such a thing. But Zexion knew, because Demyx hadn't used the silly nickname that he was being unusually serious.

Zexion couldn't bring himself to answer, tucking further under the covers to hide from that voice and those eyes. He wasn't sure how to react to him anymore - no one had ever gotten this close. Zexion could hear the other man moving around the room, but he automatically scooted further over when he felt a weight settle on the bed behind him.

Zexion could hear exasperation in Demyx's voice when he spoke again, "Would you please talk to me Zexy? I asked if you were alright. For all I know you could have really hurt yourself and we wouldn't have known."

He shook his head, knowing Demyx could see the movement over the top of the covers were the very top of his head stuck out. Zexion wasn't prepared for what the musician did next, all he heard was the sound of a frustrated sigh before the weight was redistributed beside him.

Zexion felt Demyx's body was pressing against his own from behind, the duvet the only thing separating them by a mere few inches and he couldn't understand what Demyx was doing. He felt the other man shifting behind him, getting settled in and he couldn't keep quiet any longer, words bursting forth from his mouth before he gave them consent to do so, confusion was running rife through him, his nerves making his body shiver at the new pressure, "What are you doing!"

He could feel warm breath stirring the hairs exposed above the covers when Demyx responded to his outburst, "I'm cuddling you."

"But...why would you...I don't understand?" Zexion brow furrowed into a deep frown, he just couldn't understand why Demyx was trying to cuddle him, trying to be nice to him, when he knew. Wasn't Demyx feeling at least some of this turmoil inside? Some of this gut wrenching confusion that whirled around and shredded everything that made sense?

Zexion felt something heavy drape across his side, which pulled him out of his mental rant. Looking down Zexion saw a toned arm curling around him, which could only belong to Demyx, the hand grasped the thick duvet in a white knuckled grip.

"You ask why? Hah. I was really worried about you Zexy. I don't think I've ever been so afraid in my life."

Zexion felt his body tremble against his back, his fist clenching tighter onto the fabric. It made his heart squeeze in response as those pained words left Demyx's lips.

Demyx was worried about him?

Zexion couldn't understand why he cared after everything he had seen. His confusion was a palpable thing, suffusing into his words and making him stutter, "But...I..." He had trouble getting the words out, his throat felt thick and clogged with emotion's he didn't have the capacity to categorise at the moment.

When the words finally came out, they seemed to explode outwards on a rush of breath, leaving him panting at the end, "Butwhataboutwhatyousaw!"

Zexion felt his skin heat and he brought a hand up to cover his lips, halting any more words from escaping unbidden, he had never done anything like that before. It was the kind of thing he expected from the man holding him from behind. Zexion had never had this problem when he had been in command of his emotions. After only a few hours of being awake he was turning into a blathering idiot! It was a sobering thought, helping to gie him a little focus in the tumult around him.

Zexion felt the bed tremble and was surprised by a wonderful, rich, warm laughter that bubbled up Demyx's plush lips. He felt warmth seep through his body that had nothing to do with the fever that made his skin damp and sticky. Zexion felt the first brush of fingers gently touching his hair and, though his first instinct was to dart away, he tightened his muscles freezing his body. Zexion fought down the panic that tried to swamp him, biting his lip and trying his best not to wince at the pain it caused. He wasn't sure why but he needed this, though his body was panicking and he could feel his stomach cramping with pent up fear - he wanted Demyx to touch him.

Demyx couldn't help laughing at the way Zexion's sentence just sort of flowed into one long word, it reminded him of a time, not too long ago, when he had asked the writer to go with him to the beach. It had been an interesting day but, in the end, it had become one of his most treasured memories. It was the first time that Zexion had reached out and initiated any kind of physical contact with him. He had been so happy after that.

Demyx held Zexion more tightly, wanting to absorb all the pain the smaller man had been through in his life. He gave him the only reply he could think of, "It doesn't matter."

It was quiet for a time after that and Demyx thought that either he had finally managed to stun the master of words into silence or that he was trying to understand what Demyx had meant. Zexion's voice nothing more than a whisper, but he could hear curiosity edging it, "It has to matter. Why would you say it doesn't?"

He hadn't managed it then.

Demyx would have loved to witness a time when Zexion couldn't find the words to speak, he focused so much on them and Demyx understood that his life had been filled with nothing but words. But he needed to let it go - there was a whole world which Zexion had missed out on for whatever reason and he wanted to show it to him.

Plus it would be a damn special occasion if he ever pulled it off.

Demyx tugged Zexion's body, encased in the thick duvet, closer to his own, knowing he wouldn't have such a prime opportunity to hold the other man again, unless he got sick again - which Demyx hoped never happened.

He leant forward, letting his voice grow soft and quiet, "It doesn't matter because your still you." Demyx felt Zexion rustling under the covers before he found himself face to face with a fever flushed and blushing Zexion. He couldn't help but let the words that bubbled up in his throat out, "Damn you're cute."

Demyx ducked automatically, expecting a similar response to what Roxas would do whenever he let his mouth run away from him. When it didn't come he looked up from under a defensive positioned arm, seeing two dilated stormy grey orbs looking back at him.

Demyx couldn't help but stare at Zexion, the way his cheeks flushed red with embarrassment, his eyes luminous in the dull room and the way his soft looking lips were parted but he wasn't saying anything. He felt his own face flush in response to the beautiful sight; if he hadn't been so averse to touch Demyx would have leant in to that welcoming mouth and given Zexion a tender kiss.

Demyx didn't know what had taken over him, he had been so worried about Zexion and now the writer was looking at him with that puzzled face. He could feel his body wanting to take action, body feeling flush, a distinct stirring in his nether regions.

He denied himself.

Demyx was already pushing Zexion, if he went head long into something else because he needed the sick man with a fierce desperation, then he was bound to do more harm than good. Demyx could only hope that what he was doing wasn't pushing Zexion beyond his reach.

He leant close, whispering to him and attempting to relieve the charged atmosphere, "Hey you'll catch flies like that."

He did get hit for that one.

Zexion's palm made sharp contact with the back of Demyx's head and he winched at the loud clap that followed the motion.

Demyx scowled at Zexion as he rubbed his abused head complaining, "Hey! That was just harsh. You didn't have to hit me Zexy." When Demyx looked down at the bundled up man again he could see Zexion eyeing his palm with a mixture of trepidation and curiosity, the surface was turning a bright ruby red with the force of the impact.

Demyx watched with fascination as Zexion rubbed the stinging surface tenderly with his other hand, his eyes flitting between him and the skin he was cradling close to his chest. His voice was so quiet that Demyx almost didn't catch it, "I... touched anyone like... in years..."

Demyx looked into deep, confused charcoal pools trying to discern if the typically stoic man was alright. The behaviour he was exhibiting so far suggested that something had happened to him and yet Demyx couldn't tell if it was bad or good. He had never seen Zexion behave so rashly before. Demyx curled his arm more firmly around Zexion's duvet bound form once more, drawing him closer but never crossing the boundaries Zexion was keeping in place. Demyx murmured quietly to the startled man, "Hey there - you alright?"

He was met with a confused look, a frown dipping between slim eyebrows, "I don't understand any of this. You... you don't make any sense. I thought..."

Demyx watched as Zexion bit his lip quite hard, turning his gaze down and away from his own searching eyes. Demyx wanted curl his fingers under that pointed chin and raise Zexion's face once more, but he knew as much as he wanted to do that, he couldn't. Demyx couldn't gauge Zexion's reaction to it and therefore it was off-limits. Demyx sighed, he could get away with the light touches to silky grey hair or holding him whilst he was firmly encased in a thick layer of bed linen, but to touch his skin with his bare hands may set them back right to where they had started.

Demyx let his head dip down so he could speak quietly to the writer, "You thought what Zexy?"

He watched as Zexion gnawed on the steadily reddening lip and couldn't help but scold him, he would likely end up hurting himself, "Zexion, stop that, you'll make it bleed. Please just - talk to me."

He pleaded with his eyes, knowing Zexion had a weakness for them. He caught the brief flicker of charcoal orbs looking up at him before they shifted away once more. Demyx feel movement under his arm and watched the cover's rise and fall, giving a small smile at what he recognised as an exasperated sigh. He watched as Zexion released the abused lip from between his worrying teeth his tongue clicking against the roof of his mouth in clear disapproval.

Demyx held in the chuckle, watching the smaller man take a few deep breaths, he hoped he would get Zexion to speak some more and he wasn't disappointed, "I thought that...you'd pity me...that you would... leave. Instead you're laid here, with me...holding me and trying to get me to talk to you."

Zexion shook his head as he spoke, confusion evident i the lines on each side of his mouth.

Demyx could see the thoughts churning in Zexion's mind, ticking and turning like clockwork, fine tuned and meticulous, trying to reason out what all of it meant. When Zexion winced Demyx realised that he was biting on his lip again.

He couldn't stop his hand from moving, tapping a single slender digit against the slate haired male's delicate button nose, flushed slightly pink from fever, as he scolded once more, "Thought I told you to stop that."

Demyx froze in place, stunned at his own actions and praying to whomever would listen that he hadn't pushed Zexion too far. He looked up at him with startled orbs, mouth lightly agape with surprise and all Demyx wanted to do was lean forward and take those lips with his own. Damn his blasted hormones, this wasn't the time for such things, as much as he did want to kiss Zexion.

Demyx's eyes trailed down and focused on those slightly chapped lips, not noticing when Zexion dug his hand out from under the covers.

Zexion could feel his whole body vibrating at the touch of that slightly calloused fingertip against his nose, yet it hadn't brought on the queasiness he was used to feeling. He gaped silently at the other man, uncertain how to react to the touch. Zexion watched in surprise as Demyx's eyes turned a deep sapphire, the lids descending, growing heavy, as though he were falling asleep.

He looked so sensual like that, his eyes drifting slowly across Zexion's face like a slow caress, only to fix low on his face as Zexion closed his mouth, tongue darting out to carefully lick the parched surface. Zexion tried his best not to bite at his tender lips, the way Demyx had scolded him made him feel a odd number of emotions - irritation, cared for but also a tingling sensation on his lips that he couldn't explain.

Zexion felt the oddest urge to tap his own finger against Demyx's nose, just to see his reaction and to gauge his own. He slipped his hand up and out from underneath the warm covers, slowly letting his hand approach the musicians face. He couldn't help but bite at his lip as nerves fluttered in his stomach.

His whole body felt charged, his heart rate picking up to a rapid staccato rhythm, just as he was about to touch the very tip of Demyx's nose his eyes slid shut, clenching tightly and then it was there. Zexion could feel something firm but warm pressed against the pad of his lone outstretched finger.

It was the first time he had initiated contact with someone, skin-to-skin, in many years and yet the feelings he had been expecting didn't swamp him. Zexion had expected pain, nausea, fear and all the things that made his whole body react so vehemently and yet, here he was, almost disappointed that his reaction's weren't what he had expected. He looked up from his slightly huddled position, eyes cracking open slowly to see startled cerulean orbs staring back at him.

Zexion drew his hand back slowly, rubbing his thumb across the sensitive skin of his forefinger idly whilst his gaze was fixed on Demyx. He could see movement from the corner of his eye, his body flinching away from Demyx as he brought a hand up to touch him back. Zexion couldn't stop his automatic reaction, something that had been ingrained in him as a child, other peoples touch was a bad and painful, it seemed that that muscle memory wasn't going to dissipate over night.

Zexion stared up at Demyx from his huddled position, pained by the confusion and sadness racing across his features. Zexion reached out with the hand he had cradled protectively against his chest, running just his fingertips down a soft cheek. Zexion's mind felt completely frazzled by the sensation's that were coursing through him. He felt open and raw, letting those foreign feeling's rock through him and settle someone in the pit of his belly.

Demyx's skin was soft and smooth under the pads of Zexion's fingers; he watched Demyx's sapphire eyes fluttered shut at the touch of his fingers to his cheek. Zexion felt his whole body being pulled forward, Demyx's arms were curled around him and though Zexion tried not to, he couldn't help but try to wriggle away as they tightened.

His grew slightly panicked, that familiar churning in his gut starting as he tried to get away, voice coming out high and thin, "Demyx please...stop...I need...to...slow down."

Zexion could feel his whole body thrumming with a mix of need and half remembered pain. The feelings were tugging him in two very different directions, as his fever made him feel hot and tired. The feeling of being moved stopped abruptly and Zexion sighed in relief, his body felt heavy - lethargic but he needed to look at Demyx. Zexion could feel the fever heating up again, a light sweat breaking out on his forehead as he stared up into concerned eyes.

Zexion felt the weight of Demyx's arm move and shift away, his body withdrawing; it left him feeling oddly bereft. Zexion watched the other man withdrawing, pain tightening his chest when the dirty blond haired man he looked down at his hands when he spoke, the slender digit's twining and wringing eachother fretfully, "I'm sorry Zexion... I've wanted to...hold you...touch you ...for a long time and I got...carried away."

Zexion didn't like the sadness that echoed in Demyx's voice, he slowly pushed himself up enough to reach out, fingers tingling as they curled under Demyx's chin. Zexion relished the warmth that emanated from the musician's as he tilted his face back up to look at his own. "Don't do that. I think, I have wanted to touch you too...but there is so much that needs to be explained and I just can't deal with it all now..."

Zexion felt his eyelids flutter closed as a heavy lethargy swept through him and he leant further into the musician's body instinctively. "I'm sorry, Demy." Zexion felt darkness take him as his body sunk into oblivion.

Demyx couldn't believe it when those slender fingers touched him. They were soft and barely there, like the fleeting kiss of a feather brushing your skin and though he had reacted by trying to touch back Zexion wasn't pushing him away intentionally. Demyx felt guilty for the fear and pain that his actions had caused, but when those warm fingers tilted Demyx's face up to look into heavy lidded grey, he could see that Zexion wasn't angry. Zexion always seemed to see the feelings Demyx tried to bury so deeply whenever he was around the smaller man, the overwhelming sadness that he couldn't touch Zexion, couldn't comfort him when he was hurting.

Demyx's heart had fluttered erratically in his chest at the softly spoken words and as they had started to slur he was reminded that Zexion had been unconscious for three days with fever. As Demyx scanned Zexion's face he could see the fine sheen of perspiration making his features slightly shiny, a pink flush staining his cheeks.

The sweet admission for the normally stoic man had his heart swelling with happiness and he carefully tucked his arms around the writer when he leant into him. Demyx smiled softly into those soft locks that were now tickling his nose, the scent of mint, sweat and old books permeating his senses. He heard the whispered apology as he wrapped his arms carefully over Zexion's duvet covered body, making sure he was applying no pressure as the tired man tumbled into sleep. Demyx felt something throb in his chest at the use of the familiar nickname spilling from those softly parted lips, pleased that Zexion had finally loosened up a little, even if it was just in his delirium from the fever.

Demyx lay there watching over Zexion for a time, thinking through everything that had happened today and over the past few days. He felt a mixture of feelings wash through him, tumbling around inside him. What he wouldn't give to return to the beach and go for a swim - it had always managed to clear his head in the past.

Instead he looked down at the man that looked unbelievably fragile in his arms, carefully bundled in thick feather down covers and Demyx knew that he would do anything to ease the suffering Zexion had imposed on himself. He shifted a few slate coloured strands from a hot cheek, whispering softly into the pale curve of his ear, "I hope you'll tell me about it Zexy. I want to help you...not out of pity... but something far stronger."

Demyx felt his own body growing heavy; it had felt like ages since he had been able to relax. In the past three days he had worked harder than he had in a long time. Not only did Zexion go to University, but he worked at two different libraries with as much time as he could manage, before returning home to finish his coursework and studies.

On top of that fact, though Demyx had only seen the front hall of his house -it had felt cold, empty and the groceries that had spilled out seemed barely enough to live on. Demyx had never been so glad for his impulsive nature until that moment when he had seen saw Zexion sprawled out on the hallway floor. He hoped never to go through that again.

As his thoughts continued to churn, his eyelids drifted shut and Demyx didn't feel his mind drift into some much needed sleep.

00-00-00

Leon stood in the doorway of Demyx's room taking in the sight sprawled out on the bed. He had been wondering for a while what had been bothering Demyx and, to finally see this, it made a lot of sense.

When the blond had brought the boy - Zexion - home three days ago it had surprised him and Cloud both. It explained the frequent trips out of the house in the evenings and the odd expression that he couldn't quite understand that lingered in Demyx's gaze.

It looked like none of the Strife's would be having children now.

Leon shook his head at his own inner thoughts, quietly entering the room to place the tray of food for both young men down on the empty desk. He watched as they curled closer together, remembering Demyx's forcefulness the night before when he had insisted that he would help get the feverish man washed up.

Leon had had his suspicions as to why that was, but Demyx wasn't one to talk about his problems or someone else's secrets, so he had left it alone. But seeing these two together, curled closely like this, it made him wonder about why Demyx had been so adamant when he was usually the most laid back in the family.

Leon tugged the duvet higher over Zexion's body before searching out, and finding, a blanket that had been flung in the corner of the room, to drape over Demyx before stepping away to watch them for a few more seconds.

He turned to the desk, flicking on the small desk lamp and turning it to the wall so it wouldn't disturb the exhausted boys and walked back out into the corridor. Leon turned and closed the door quietly, hearing the chubb slip into place. He stood for a moment, taking in the quiet ambience of the house for a few minutes.

As he shifted around to walk back downstairs Leon caught a flicker of palest gold out of the corner of his eye. He turned towards that soft hue, spotting Cloud putting sheets away in their room down the hall. Leon turned fully to watch him as he moved quietly moving around, his movements efficient yet graceful and fluid. Leon walked down the hallway on silent feet, feeling the oddest need to have the eldest Strife in his arms once more.