Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ To catch a falling star ❯ Part 11 ( Chapter 11 )

Title: To Catch a Falling Star - Chapter 11

Author: TheaBlackthorn

Series: Kingdom Hearts I & II

Pairing: Demyx/Zexion

Rating:

Summary: AU.

Zexion stared into Demyx's intent blue eyes, lips parted on a gasp as his fingers were held then pressed to Demyx's cheek and kept there with a cupped palm. He couldn't breathe for those few moments, lungs growing tight as he watched emotions spin and twirl like a current through sapphire pools. He could hear the wave's crash and roll against the beach, the scent of salt and sand thick in his nostril's as water lapped at his feet and the sand was dragged from under them.

Zexion drew in a shuddering breath when the burn in his lungs from the lack of oxygen grew too harsh, eyes stinging slightly. He blinked slowly words spilling from his lips that he hadn't meant to voice, "You know?" It was half question and half accusation, and it made his stomach squeeze and churn as he looked into familiar eyes.

His heart felt like it had been fisted and squeezed, breath catching as his gaze swept quickly away not wanting to see recognition and pity in the sky blue eyes he had grown to adore. Zexion heard Demyx shift, the rasp of cotton against the sand almost indiscernible over the waves. He felt that hand cupping his fingers loosen and fall away and his chest constricted again, stomach roiling and promising pain as he thought that Demyx was pulling away.

But then he was being moved, startled he yelled and found strong limb's lifting him, turning and moving him with ease as his eyes widened and lips opened on a shout of surprise, “Demyx!" Zexion felt panic tumble through him, disorientating and frightening as he was shifted without consent. He reached out, clutching for anything to hold onto and when he found purchase it was with clawed fingers dug into light blue fabric and skin.

Demyx winced at the feel of Zexion's nails digging into his t-shirt and the skin beneath but didn't much care beyond that. He wrapped his arms around the smaller male, pulling him closer and forming a cage with his body to keep him there. His bent knees now bracketed lean hips and legs, arms curled around a lithely toned torso, pale fingers curled in fabric and silky soft silver grey hair tickling along the underside of his jaw.

Demyx could feel each deep panting breath that Zexion took, the warm moist air tingling across his throat and making his skin prickle to attention. His body throbbed low and harsh, even as his heart fluttered in his chest like a trapped bird. It didn't matter that they were out in the open, sat near the stairs to the sea wall or out infront of anyone who wandered past. All that mattered to Demyx was the man curled tight in his embrace and the agony that had darkened ash grey eyes before he'd looked away.

Demyx tipped his head down so that his lips were close but not brushing Zexion's ear. Over the past few days he had finally come to understand why Zexion had so much trouble with skin to skin contact and he knew that having Zexion tucked up against him like this was almost like betraying that knowledge, but he couldn't let Zexion's withdraw.

Demyx refused to use his knowledge of Zexion's past problem's to his advantage. He kept his voice to a whisper, letting the dip and roll of it express all the ferocity and care he felt towards the man held against him, "I know and I don't care. You are what's important to me," Demyx swallowed and hoped that what he said next wouldn't pull Zexion from him, "scars and all."

Zexion gasped against Demyx's neck and felt fear and pain rattle through him in a harsh shudder. And then he felt Demyx's arms tightening around him and he pressed into that hold, not sure why he wasn't running, why his stomach wasn't rebelling, why he felt hot tears prickle against closed eyelids and his hands tightened against skin and cotton. But he did know didn't he?

This was Demyx.

And that drew those tears from his eyes as he shivered in Demyx's tight embrace, hot salty droplets trailing over his cheeks in ribbons before dropping to the thick striped cotton covering his arms. He felt Demyx start to rock him gently, his own sniffles almost drowning out the tender crooning that fell into his ears like warm honey. Demyx's soft sounds of reassurance filled his ears even as he felt the steady vibration of Demyx's chest and cheek as it pressed to his head at every hum and murmur of sound.

Demyx made incoherent and incomprehensible sounds as he cradled Zexion against him, he could feel the sobs racking his smaller frame and they were harsh, raw in a way that made him think that Zexion hadn't cried or, he almost smiled, had refused to cry about what had happened to him. They sat there gently rocking, Demyx's voice a soft roll of sound almost drowned out by the fierce waves that did not stop there endless assault on the beach even as the pain of truth was bared, witnessed and cherished tightly.

When Zexion pulled away Demyx allowed it, though his hands remained on Zexion's arms preventing an all out escape. Demyx smiled tenderly as small hiccupping sounds fell from rosy red lips, Zexion's tear streaked cheeks a similar bright crimson, eyes puffy and red rimmed from crying. Demyx said nothing, but reached out to wipe away lingering tears but stopped before meeting skin, hand hovering in mid-air at the realisation of what he'd almost done. His brow drew down into a frown as dark grey eyes shiny with tears looked at him and he felt his heart shake and squeeze in his chest. Zexion's gaze was filled with hesitance and yet there was something else too, but Demyx couldn't put his finger on it but it made his heart swell with warmth.

Zexion sniffed loudly, but did little else staring across the small distance at Demyx. His heart felt tight, stomach a tumult of sick anticipation as he slowly lifted one hand. He reached out in steady increments, the cuff of Demyx's striped hoody stretching then falling away leaving his hand bare to the salty breeze and Demyx's touch. He let one lone fingertip lightly run along Demyx's hand and when all that garnered was warmth and a slightly rough texture Zexion unfurled the other fingers to cautiously curl around Demyx's outstretched hand.

Zexion cupped the back of that hand and held it pinched between the pad of his thumb and fingers slowly drawing Demyx's hand to him. He turned it over and pressed the palm lightly to his own cheek, flinching back from it before firming his resolve and cupping it against skin. His stomach jumped with nerves, heart thundering in his ears as his eyes slid shut and he absorbed Demyx's warmth on his damp cheek.

Zexion started slightly when that hand moved but eased when Demyx's calloused thumb swiped lightly across his cheek gathering the moisture from his tears. He heard a soft sigh and dared a glance up to see the smallest of smiles curling one side of Demyx's mouth. Zexion frowned but didn't move away from Demyx's touch, feeling wrung out and tired. It had been many years since he'd let that pain loose, let it fall on skin that wasn't his own and it felt better. His heart, that was always kept behind walls of granite, felt lighter, less pained and the press of Demyx's hand to his cheek, the warmth that spilled forth and the obvious care that held him here made his heart flutter and warm.

Those walls of granite were crumbling brick by brick.

Demyx was surprised but happy when Zexion had taken his hand and pressed it to his cheek, he didn't care that the man had flinched back, he understood and now he hoped that Zexion might start to open. Demyx had felt the distance and the walls between them, had tried to breach them, to reach past them to the man underneath - unsuccessfully. But now, through an experience he hadn't expected and had been entirely unprepared for, they were closer. And that made him smile.

He chuckled softly at the frown marring Zexion's brow, intent in dark eyes. Demyx could almost see his mind turning over his laughter and it only made his smile widen and his free arm squeeze lightly. He felt Zexion shift away and then ease back against his hold and he leant in to speak gently, glad that the tears born of years of suspected silence had ebbed. “Hey, feeling any better?” Demyx watched Zexion closely, searchingly as he nodded satiny grey hair falling forward to cover one side of his face as his hand still cupped Demyx's to the other. His kept his voice soft, intimate almost, “You going to talk to me, Zexy?”

Demyx smiled as Zexion's eyes widened before he arched a brow and it brought another laugh to Demyx's lips, “Still don't know what to say to Zexy, huh?”

“No, I do not.” Zexion said quietly in response to Demyx's query. He couldn't decide whether he enjoyed the nickname or not, but he supposed he didn't mind it. He had discovered that Demyx used it only when he was comfortable, at ease, only using his whole name when things were serious - like a Mother when she was upset with a child. The thought brought a down tilt to thin lips and a frown to his brow, had his Mother done that?

He sighed softly at the thought and then pushed it away. There were other things that required his attention right now. He looked up into sapphire pool's, clenched his hand in the fabric of Demyx's t-shirt before releasing slowly, straightening and letting Demyx's hand fall away. He drew on the wall's he'd built, shutting away the fragile thing's that always came to light around this man and his face grew almost empty of emotion, though his brow still furrowed.

“Demyx, I have a story to tell you.”

Demyx watched in a mix of fascination and upset as Zexion withdrew. He could see it happening right before his eyes, the light that had started to shine through those dark eyes, the warmth that had been a burgeoning pleasure on his face - they were gone now. Zexion looked like he had that day they had met for the first time, all those months ago - cold and empty.

He was half tempted to shake the smaller man until he let his emotions free once more but those words, those haunted words played through his mind and he let Zexion hide behind his walls. Demyx knew a little about that to, sometimes to face the past you had to done a little armour and Zexion's armour was to bury his emotions deep inside himself so that the pain Demyx was only just starting to understand, couldn't hurt him. He sighed softly, smile disappearing from his lips as he watched the man he cared about going cold. “Yes, you do.”

Zexion turned then, moving so he was still sat between Demyx's leg's but he faced the ocean that had continued that steady crash and roll for the long moment's they had been sat there and for long moments passed when they had left again. He let his eyes watch white surf bubble and foam in waves, the soft rumble a steady beat against his skin. When he spoke his voice sounded detached, as though it were a tale being told by someone else, and he was grateful that he could still detach himself from his emotion's - even if it was only for a short time.

This would be the second time he'd told this story and he hoped beyond reason that he would never have to again.

“This story doesn't start with once upon a time. It starts on a quiet street, with a park on the corner were two little boy's lived.”

Zexion had been a doting big brother at ten years old. He'd loved taking care of his younger brother Kira, even though he knew Kira was getting a little too old for it. Every day after school Zexion would come home, rush around putting his school thing's away and then take his brother by the hand and go tell their Mom he was going to take Kira to the park. She'd smile, ruffle Kira's hair much to his little brother's chagrin and tell them to be careful. Then they'd walk out the door and down to the little park at the end of the street.

That day was special - it was Kira's birthday.

Kira had loved to play on the swing's, the big tire was comfortable to sit on and Zexion could either push Kira back and forth or stand behind him and use his leg's to get the swing to move. Kira had loved doing flips on the monkey bars attached to the multi-coloured climbing frame, landing in the wooden bark chip's that were supposed to stop you really hurting yourself if you fell, never really helped - just gave you splinter's. Kira was still pretty small for his age but Zexion always helped push him up again and again.

They hadn't made it to the park that day.

On the short walk past the three houses separating their home and the park was where it happened, infront of the white picket fence in front of Miss Aerith's house. They always stopped to stare at the multitude of flowers in her garden.

Zexion wished they hadn't that day.

Zexion had been pointing out this little green beetle that he'd learnt about at school, the small leaf eating insects were everywhere at this time of year and Kira's bright smile had made Zexion's own lip's curl happily.

He loved telling his little brother about big school, he wasn't quite old enough to go to high school yet but wanted to with desperation. Their Mother had always said that he was wishing his youth away and not to be silly. Their Father didn't say much, he was at work a lot of the time.

That's when it happened.

They were looking into the garden, backs to the road when they heard someone shout. Zexion had grabbed his brother by the hand on instinct as he turned to face the sound. There had been a car barrelling towards them, the colour's were just flashes of red and orange, the man behind the wheel had looked through the windshield with wide horrified eyes.

Zexion had tried to move, tried to curl around his brother protectively, but he hadn't quite made it.

Time slowed and the car had moved to fast.

Though Zexion never remembered screaming he had felt the ache in his throat when he had awoken broken, bleeding and alone. His dear little brother stared back at him past crumpled metal and broken white washed wood, familiar blue grey eyes dull, sightless and fixed in shock, lips split wide in a silent scream.

Zexion had tried to wake Kira had shaken him even though he could barely move for the pain lancing through his chest and arm. His voice was a brittle rasp of sound as he called his brother's name over and over again. When Kira hadn't answered, hadn't reacted, hadn't even blinked he'd felt choked, heart fracturing and spearing his chest from the inside out and Zexion had tried to pull himself closer to his brother and fainted from the sheer agony that seared through his nerves.

He never saw Kira again.

Zexion shivered even as his gaze remained fixed on the sea; knee's rising, chin coming to rest on folded arms. He felt detached, telling the story this way - it didn't hurt as much. It wasn't him in the story, though he knew it was and that ache in his chest, that piercing pain at the loss of his baby brother would never leave.

Zexion flinched when weight pressed to his sides but refused to turn, staring sightlessly at the wave's rolling and crashing fiercely, sucking sand down and away into to tumultuous depth's. The weight shifted and moved, wrapping around his waist as warmth pressed against his scarred, cloth covered back. He knew Demyx was pressed against him; let muscles relax the smallest fraction so he could feel his presence more firmly as his lip's moved in cool, unfeeling words.

Zexion had broken four rib's, his right arm and his left leg in two places. He had numerous gashes, cuts, bruises and abrasions and the Doctor had said he'd been lucky.

Lucky - because he hadn't died like his little brother.

Zexion came to believe that wasn't any kind of luck. Some day's he had wished for the end. He wasn't a child anymore; grief had stolen his most precious person, the one he'd been meant to take care of - Kira.

It had taken month's to recover and looking back now Zexion knew that it had all started then - the blame.

His parent's had buried themselves in work, his Mother returning to her job, no longer wishing to be at home with the constant reminder of what's he had lost or who he hadn't saved. It was odd that the Doctor's didn't notice - but that was before the pain had begun.

They always say parent's shouldn't lose their children - Zexion wished they'd let him die.

The first time it happened Zexion had a nightmare and called out for Kira in his sleep. It was his Father who came and rather than comforting his son he laid palm to flesh so hard Zexion had slumped to his side on the bed, dazed, shocked and in pain. The word's that rang out above him in a cold voice made his heart squeeze tight, “It's your fault - you should have been the one!”

His sobs were silent, gasped against his fist as he'd squeezed his eyes shut against the shadow hovering over his bed. When he'd heard footstep's retreating he'd peeked to see two figure's in the light from the doorway, his Mother didn't even blink as she turned away with her husband.

Zexion had cried himself to sleep, pain throbbing in his cheek.

The nightmares didn't stop, but sometime's he could keep the screams inside - sometime's not and that's when Father came. He never slapped his face again, but his back, thighs and upper arms were fair game - they were hidden you see. And all the while poison spilled from a cruel tongue and into the ears of ten year old boy.

When the nightmares ebbed there were always other excuses and they always came with the scent of alcohol, leather and perfume. Hands, belt's, slipper's even knives' had been pointed at and used on his skin. He never protested, growing quieter and quieter, building an emotional wall to hide his heart behind until his gaze grew blank, voice cool and empty. He spent most of his time in the library were it was quiet, far from the angry shouts and bang's of his one time home.

Zexion made himself cold - pushed his feeling's as deep as they would go because the people he lived with could hurt the flesh - but they could not reach the fragile heart he'd buried.

Zexion's breath hitched as pain lanced through his chest, heat stinging behind his eyes, but he knew if he stopped here he wouldn't start again. He felt Demyx's arms tighten around him and he absorbed the small bit of affection with the veracity of a starving man, because he didn't know if Demyx would still be there at the end of his tale. If Demyx could stand to remain with a man broken beyond all thought of repair. Zexion had no qualm's in his mind that he was damaged, he'd never admit it - couldn't admit it for fear that he might fracture from voicing the truth out loud for the world to hear.

Zexion had never told - what would be the point? They were punishing him but they didn't know that they could never take the guilt from his shoulders, the pain from his heart even as he burrowed it deep in the recesses of thought and feeling.

He had lost his brother, had lived when he'd died - he survived and he'd hated it.

There were no councillor's, no student guidance, no friends - just guilt and pain.

Then they died.

Zexion felt Demyx shift behind him, arm's pressing the soft cotton of his t-shirt against his chest. He felt that familiar stir of apprehension when those arms withdrew, the warm press of Demyx's chest and arm's curled around him moving away and he felt panic turn his stomach before pressure returned in different places. He scrambled for purchase he couldn't find and an unmanly squeak escaped his lips before he clamped them shut as he was lifted and placed across Demyx's lap.

His hand's automatically moving to grab at Demyx's pale blue t-shirt, the thing had received more than its fair share of abuse that day but Zexion paid that no mind. He felt the press of Demyx's arm curl around his back, long lean leg's folded beneath him in a tailor's seat, his own leg's thrown over Demyx's thigh. He flinched back when Demyx's free hand loomed in his downcast vision; he hadn't dared to look up, even if his hands were entrenched in Demyx's t-shirt. He closed his eyes tightly, the automatic response grating on him when he knew that Demyx would never hit him as his parent's had.

A warm palm cupped his cheek, the thick fringe of his own hair trapped between long finger's and tickling his skin as the smallest amount of pressure made him lift his face to Demyx's. His eyes were still shut so he wasn't prepared for the soft press of something to his forehead. His eyes flew open to catch sight of Demyx's chin, logically that would suggest....

Zexion's mind went blank as his stomach fluttered and heat suffused his cheek's, Demyx's name a stuttered whisper from his lips, “D...Demyx?”

Zexion could feel Demyx's chest move as he sighed softly, a warm cheek pressing to his forehead and the tenderness in the gesture made cheek's darken further and those deceptively ticklish butterflies in his stomach whirl faster. He didn't know what to make of the tenderness in Demyx gesture, the kiss to his forehead, the protective embrace that had not stopped since the man had arrived and found him on the beach.

When was the last time he'd felt anything like this?

Zexion couldn't recall. He glanced up as much as he could from Demyx's hold on him, seeing the curve of his throat and his Adam's apple bob as soft word's that trembled slightly filled his ear's, “Will you finish the story Zexy? I just ... I needed to hold you - is that...okay?”

Zexion couldn't speak for a few moments, fists tightening their hold in fabric as he nodded subtly, strands of hair shifting and tickling along his cheek under Demyx's gentle hold. But when he started the tale again, he couldn't get back that odd emptiness, the warmth along his side, curled around his back, the press of Demyx's body around his own kept him here in the now and he felt his chest tighten, hands shaking just a little as the story was finished.

“He crashed the car that day. Drunk and driving - she was in the passenger seat. They went out to be away from the house. I didn't come back until late; I stayed at the library until closing. I got home to find red lights flashing in the driveway and a police officer on my doorstep knocking but getting no answer.”

Zexion sighed at the memory of a frowning face of the young woman dressed in police black and white's, hand raised to knock again. “She looked at me with such pity.”

He paused for a few moments' brow furrowing before he continued again, “But when she told me, the feeling's I assumed would raise stayed quiet, there was no feeling of loss or regret. I was relieved, it was finally over. She insisted that I be taken to the hospital and be treated for shock, I guess because she just didn't understand that I didn't care - they weren't my parent's anymore. They were just the people who'd mixed their genetics' to create me. They were my tormentor's, nothing more.”

Zexion didn't dare look up to catch Demyx's gaze, not sure what the other man might think of the thought's that had run through his mind in those moments after being told that they were gone. “You know the one thought that ran through my head? I'm free. I have never felt more guilt at a single thought. That was the only time that I have felt guilty about their death. Those words hung in my mind for hours after and for the first time I wondered just how much they had affected me, I felt like a monster.”

“They were gone... and I'd just turned eighteen. The torment had ended and I knew that I would never be...whole again. I had thought I had missed my brother before, but in those days after they died I've never felt emptier or lonelier. ”

They sat in silence for a time after that, the sound of the ocean filling in for the lack of words. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence - just a sort of lull in sound. To Zexion it felt as though Demyx was quietly absorbing his words, considering them fully. He meanwhile stared out at the ocean, head turned away from Demyx as he gazed listlessly. He felt stretched, his skin felt thin and fragile as though it was old worn leather just on the cusp of being worn through.

He couldn't remember a time where he'd told anyone this much, had truly felt the word's that he'd said. He hadn't told Demyx that that loneliness had lasted for long years after, hadn't told him that though he'd made tentative association's with people like Axel, he was the first person to reach past his defensive shell, into the cavity of his chest and curl gentle, calloused finger's around his heart.

Zexion felt Demyx stir behind him, felt the long lean limb's curled almost protectively around him tighten and settle more firmly and he felt something loosen around his heart that he hadn't even realised was there.

“I know that park, walk past it on the way to class. But you don't...do you... that day, when we met, you'd come a different way. How long has it been since...?”

“Since the last time? The day I killed my brother.”

“You know, don't you Zexion, that you didn't kill him...it wasn't your fault. You loved him.”

“But I couldn't save him.”

“And your guilt has left you a shadow of the boy your brother loved so much. Do you really think he would have wanted that?”

“I...”

“Those people, they did... cruel, unthinkable thing's... grief and anger can twist a person. But you know, you're not like them Zexion. You've never managed to hide from me or Axel? He wouldn't have been a friend to you if you were a true monster.”

Zexion nodded slowly head whirring with thoughts and feeling's he was struggling to process.

“How did you meet Axel?” Demyx's voice was rife with curiosity and open interest and that alone would have made Zexion happy. That Demyx still wanted to know things about him, that he still cared so unreservedly. That in itself was one of the greatest gift's he'd ever had.

Zexion wasn't sure why Demyx's mind had wandered to that query in the midst of this emotional detritus, but he was glad of it. The memory of meeting the redhead that Demyx had known for so long made the corner of his lip curl up ever so slightly.

Zexion shifted subtly, finger's easing in fabric as he began to recount his and Axel's first meeting...

“You know I met Axel at a bad time in my life too. I had a lot of problems at school; my Mom was taking care of me by herself as my Dad died when I was still pretty young. Then I kind of figured out I was gay and the only openly gay person in our school. Then Axel moved to my school and he befriended me for no more reason than I looked like a cool person - even though I was the most unpopular person I knew. I was picked on, berated and generally made miserable. But it stopped soon after Axel moved to town. You know why?

He threatened to hurt every single one of the people that had made my life miserable since grade school. He barely knew me and yet... he helped me anyway. He made me want to be stronger, to be a better person to deserve being his friend. And that helped a lot when my Mom told me that I'd be getting a new Dad and that came with two new brothers too.

I didn't get along with Roxas or Cloud at first. I tried so hard to be a good brother, to make them see I was worth being family. But I guess they just saw me as someone that was invading their family. Not someone that needed a family too. It took a long time for them to except me; I'll tell you about that sometime. But I guess what I'm trying to say is, Axel always sees people - he's really good at seeing beyond what people want you to see - ya know?”

“Yeah - he did at that.”

“Hey Demyx?”

“Yeah?”

“There's someone I want you to meet.”

“Okay...?”

Zexion stood, pulling reluctantly free of Demyx's arm's as he shuffled himself around enough to get his feet under him. He looked down at Demyx with a small frown between his brows before he proffered a hand to the seated musician, “Come with me?” It had meant to be a request but came out as more of a tentative question.

“Yes.”

Zexion felt warmth bloom, as nervous tension continued to roam through his stomach like a pacing lion, when Demyx's looked up at him, eyes soft, lips curled in a tender smile and calloused finger's curled around his own.

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The trip back into to town was quiet; the bus was pretty empty this early in the afternoon, no school kid's yet. Zexion missed the way the two young girl's at the front of the bus kept giggling and sneaking glance's at them, because with the feel of Demyx's warm body pressed along his side, the small circle's that the musician stroked on the back of his hand and the emotional drain of telling his story to Demyx he was drifting swiftly into a light doze.

Zexion missed Demyx smiling with amusement at the two young girl's who were clearly skipping class, as their finger's lay entwined on Demyx's cotton clad thigh and Zexion's head rested on his shoulder.

The scowl on the young mother's face when she caught sight of them together didn't quite hide the tiny curve of lip that made Demyx's slightly puzzled frown shift into a soft smile as he pressed his cheek to the top of Zexion's head, the hair silky soft against his cheek.