Kuroshitsuji Fan Fiction ❯ Ciel's Music Box ❯ Lonely ( Chapter 4 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Narakus Faithfull Servant 
Anime/Manga: Kuroshitsuji Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 02.03.2012 | Updated On: 02.18.2012 | Pages: 4 | Words: 3.8K | Visits: 247 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Kuroshitsuji Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 02.03.2012 | Updated On: 02.18.2012 | Pages: 4 | Words: 3.8K | Visits: 247 | Status: Work In Progress
Hello everyone! Coming soon updates will begin to slow. More information will be at the bottom of the page if you’re interested.
I own nothing and Lonely belongs to SOD
Lonely - System of a down
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
Ciel thumbed his ring. What was there for him to do? Nothing. You can’t make someone love you. No matter how much you try. Beg. Kick. Thrash. Scream. Connive. Lie. Steal. Kill.
‘Nothing will make him love you.’ His mind echoed at him. His heart was sinking. Breaking. Wilting. Withering away.
No amount of sun would repair it. No amount of water quench its endless thirst. No music to lift its spirits. Nothing. No. Not now. Not ever.
And maybe he was okay with that. How couldn’t he be? There was no way to win. No point in trying. Whether or not he would get down and prostrate himself in front of the demon, nor if he lay belly up on the dinner table would matter.
Perhaps Sebastian, indeed, would ravish him. Bite his skin. Let his saliva trickle down between his shoulder blades. Yes he might draw blood from his lips, pull his hair, devour his young senses. But there would be no affection. No lingering love in the air. No fire trailing down his ribs. No. There would be no filling sensation after his butler pumped his essence deep into the boy. No satisfying sleep after their romping. No. Nothing.
No.
Nothing.
Not now.
Not ever.
And yet. Ciel couldn’t help it but want. Desire everything from his servant. He was human. And humans are a selfish abomination. He didn’t care if Sebastian pulled the skin from his bones. Slurped his veins and used his cartilage as butter. Use his eyelashes as garnishes. Nostrils as seasoning. As long as the demon wanted him. Wanted his body. Wanted his soul. He wasn’t completely useless. He wasn’t invisible. Someone he wanted, wanted him back.
Sure it hurt him. He wished ice would rain down from The Heavens and pierce his eyes so he would never have to see that thing smile again. Cut his ear drums so he’d never listen to him whisper in the dark. Slice his tongue, rip his lips apart. He hated to utter the demons name ever so much.
Truly this demon was a plague. And Ciel was infected. Polluted. Contaminated. All wasn’t lost though. He was set aside. Isolated. Quarantined. He was on lockdown in his mind and there was no way he could escape. There is no cure for a broken heart. No vaccine for suffering. No salve. No injection. No tonic.
No.
Nothing.
Ciel pressed his cane into the grass beneath him. He had decided to take a walk through his gardens and had ended up in the woods. He had nothing to fear. Sure, maybe men would swarm around him, bursting through the bushed, climbing down trees. Doing anything in their power to wring their hands around his neck. Sure. Alright. That was fine with the boy.
He dared them. Dared anything to come for him. Wished God would strike him down. Begged for Satan to rise up and steal his essence. But he knew. He knew it wouldn’t happen. Nothing would happen to him while he was under Sebastian’s protection. And… in a way… he liked it.
While he, indeed, wished for his suffering to end, he was growing accustomed to it. Almost looked forward to it, enjoyed the tingling sensations of regret in the back of his eyes as he fell asleep. The chill that crept up his back and played with his ears as he woke up in the morning.
‘Good morning, Young Master.’ He would say. And Ciel couldn’t help but smirk.
Yes he wished for death on more than one occasion a day, but he would fight harder than he had ever fought before to stay by Sebastian’s side. He was one hell of a contradiction.
The boy gripped his cane and stopped where he was. He pressed it harder… harder… even harder into the ground until it pierced the earths flesh. Tainted the polished wood with soil. Pressed it! Pressed it further still! Deeper and deeper it sunk. Deeper… deeper. He placed both of his hands on top of the rounded golden top and used all of his strength to force his cane into the ground.
Snap!
Ciel fell to the ground as the cane broke in half. Dirt stained his knees and green clung to his clothes.
“Tch. Stupid grass.” The boy sat up on his rump and looked around.
Blue sky had faded to grey and a chill was in the air. He could smell the roses in the garden back at his mansion so he knew he hadn’t walked too far away. Not that it mattered. He was a capable boy and could handle himself on his own… right?
Rain dusted the area and Ciel sniffled, feeling his cheeks chill. Maybe this was a sign. A small chance to slip away from life. He could just curl up under a bush and escape everything.
‘Don’t be foolish.’ His inner thoughts told him. ‘Sebastian would find you. Why are you acting so weak? You are an Earl! The Queens Watchdog! Nothing will ever stand in your way!’
Rallied by his small speech he began to make his short trek back to the mansion. Using the sweet smell of the roses Ciel made a right through an overgrown path. The rain had become heavy and cumbersome at this point. His clothes clung to his body and they were heavy. He wished he could just discard them and not have to worry about being a gentleman. But if a lady were to pass by, her delicate sensibilities would be hurt. And he would be cast out of the upper class for sure.
His chest heaved and he realized he had been more tired than he realized. The boy rubbed his eyes and could see the faint traces of gates in the distance.
‘Finally.’
Mud sucked his shoes off of his feet but still he continued on.
‘It’s just a little rain. Why am I having such difficulty getting home?’
Stones pricked at the soft underbelly of his feet. Thorny bushes tugged his clothes and made him irate.
“Stop it! Let go!” The boy pulled his coat from the bushes and put it back on himself as dignified as he could. Holes lingered up his arms and at his shirt cuffs.
The Earl crept closer and closer to his mansion. Rain battled him left and right. Mud covered him up to his thighs and he was soaked through. Even his fingers had become pruned.
He grasped the gates and slid down the sides.
“We were waiting for you. Where had you gone off to at this hour?”
Ciel looked up and could see his butler looking down at him, no smile creeping across his face. His brows were furrowed and he looked… he looked… almost angry.
“Were you worried for me? I’d think if I were truly an important meal to you, that you would know where I was at all times.”
This time, the demon did smile. As he always did. At every conversation. Every outburst. Every tea time. Every bed time.
“Oh forgive me, Young Master, but I did know where you were. I was just looking for an explanation as to what made you run off without telling me.”
The boy picked himself up off of the ground and looked Sebastian right in the eye.
“You forget your place more often than not. I am Earl Phantomhive. I do not need to tell anyone where I am going, not even The Queen. And you, you should have not let me get to this state. As a Phantomhive butler, your duty is to me and making sure that I have the utmost care is your number one priority. You are failing, Sebastian.”
It was this time that the butler outright chuckled.
“My my, you are quite feisty tonight. I apologize for failing my duties as a Phantomhive butler. I thought that, perhaps, you are an Earl and the head of this household and, as such, could take care of yourself for a mere hour or so.”
Ciel glared at the tall man, reached through the bars and smacked him.
Rain continued to pour.
Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The boy thumbed his ring again as he waited for Sebastian to exit the room with the dirtied dishes. He stared down at the tablecloth and searched for any stains he knew wouldn’t be there. The butler hadn’t said a word to him since earlier. He knew the demon couldn’t possibly be mad… could he?
No.
Never.
In all actuality Sebastian was almost giddy inside. He loved pulling emotions from Ciel and if getting a slap in return was what he received it was all the more reason to keep going.
To watch anger glisten over the boys eyes and see anguish cross his lips was orgasmic. The butler could almost feel shivers run up his spine.
Ciel was dying inside. Every day the sun would rise, every time moonlight streamed through his curtains. He could feel it. His organs rotting. His ribs turning to mush.
He just wished, oh how he wished, for something. Anything. His life was becoming boring. All there was and all there ever would be was misery. And it was so horribly, endlessly, boring.
His brain had gotten used to thinking a million thoughts at once. He could never relax. Sleep was a luxury and he could feel his lower back learn new knots. His eyes were always heavy and he felt as though he were walking in sand. His body never wanted to move the way he wanted and his thoughts never stayed where he wanted them to.
This was a fait worse than death and he had no idea how to handle it. There were no parents to run to. No doting aunt to question. No texts he could confront. He was on his own. All alone. Quarantined. Stuck in solitary confinement.
Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
And even though Ciel could feel himself falling, spiraling down into never ending misery, he knew this was his doing. It was his. And his alone. He created this and he would endure it.
If he could realize this, then maybe he could control it. Mold it to what he wanted it to be. Use it to his advantage. Harvest its power. Make himself The Master of his own heart. Of his own mind. And keep it from running rampant.
He knew he shouldn’t act the way he was. To lie sullenly around the house. Mope in the gardens. Sigh at the sun. This was womanly behavior and Ciel was anything but that!
No. This was unacceptable. Ciel would not falter. He would not lose. Not ever. Not even to a demon straight from Hell. Even if Sebastian were to come right up to him and… and… and were to kiss him.
Tell him that he loved him. Tell him… tell him… that there was nothing left to worry about. That he enjoyed the boy for more reasons than his soul. Liked his passion. Smiled at his personality.
Yes.
Even if.
Even if Sebastian were to say these things. Even if he were to, Ciel would stand his ground. This was his loneliness, not Sebastians. This was his broken heart. These are his torn insides. His emptiness. His darkness. His blueberry misery. It was his. His and no one else’s.
Ciel stood from his chair in the dining room and went to his bedroom. He didn’t need Sebastian for anything, right? He could do everything on his own, right? And so that’s what he did.
Sebastian walked the long hall to his masters bedroom. He realized that there had been a change in the boy. Had he rallied against him? Was he losing control of the boy? This would simply not do.
No.
Not at all.
The demon needed to take hold of the boy. Render him helpless. Make him beg for him. He opened the door and stared into the dark room. He smiled and allowed himself to step in and close the door. Lifting the candelabra higher, he could get a better idea of what had gone on.
A dresser was left ajar and the sheets were tussled over the bed. One of the hampers lay on its side. Two brown shoes had been stuffed almost under the bed and a sleeping boy lay in the center of said bed.
Clearly he had undressed and dressed himself for the night. And he had decided when he wanted to go to bed.
‘Maybe this is his way of trying to gain control of the situation, how interesting’
Sebastian crept closer to The Earls bed and adjusted the sheets. Gently tucking Ciel in so he would keep warm.
“Sleep well… Young Master.”
And with that, the butler exited the room.
And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you
Take your hand and walk away
The young boy tossed and turned in his bed. Of course. Of course he would be wrapped up in another nightmare. Of course it was about the butler. Of course he was winning.
He wouldn’t let the demon take control. No, not this time. Those long skilled fingers wouldn’t brush his thighs. And they certainly wouldn’t dance over his chest. Most assuredly not run through his thick hair.
No.
Not ever.
He struggled in Sebastians arms. Bit at his long tongue. Stuck his thumbs in the demons irises. He did everything. Everything in his power. Forced his small body to fight back against this ancient being from hell. The timeless being. The endless nightmare that was his caretaker.
He clawed at the mans skin. Tore at his nose. Gnawed on his fingers. But… but… it was all in vain. The being laughed. He laughed! This was just foreplay to him.
“Bite my tongue? Gauge my eyes? How delightful. More, little one! What else are you capable of?”
The dream Sebastian picked Ciel up by his middle toe. He could hear the click and pop as it dislocated and the human twisted and rallied.
“Let me go! Let me go!”
He liked to pretend that he had power. He had even dressed himself for bed that night. But it was nothing. Nothing compared to what this demon had over him.
The control. The power. The endless darkness that surrounded him was suffocating. It was bitter and grainy. As if he had eaten a cocoa bean. His heart was fluttering and he didn’t know what to do. The demon in front of him laughed and bared his fangs.
Ciel twisted and whaled until he finally was able to grab a hold of the demons arm and bite into it. Sweet blood poured into his mouth and he spat it onto the ground. The Sebastian in front of him squeezed the small puncture and his eyes sparkled when he saw more of his life’s liquid seep out.
He was helpless. Just a small child. His small moment of control was lost. The single thread of sanity he had held onto was snipped and he realized, with absolute certainty, that there really was no hope left.
The boy shifted in his covers and cracked open his right eye. He stretched and looked around the room and wasn’t at all surprised when he saw that Sebastian was waiting with tea for him.
The room had been tidied up and to any normal person there was nothing unusual about the situation.
No.
Nothing at all.
“Good morning, Young Master. Today’s tea is…”
His voice faded into the background as Ciel got lost in thought. He knew Sebastian was speaking. Knew he would ask him what he wanted for breakfast. Tell him what he was to do today but… but… he couldn’t take his eyes off of him.
The boy was just lost. His eyes were dull and he couldn’t focus on anything but the demons lips. The way his hips swayed when he walked. How his fingers folded the napkins.
Everything was… was… too perfect. He hated it, but deep down, somewhere in there, he wouldn’t have it any other way. He was an emotional wreck. Just yesterday he had sworn he wouldn’t love the demon. Earlier that day he could hardly function due to his love sickness. And now? Now he was just floating on cloud nine.
Caught up in the demons glory. He was stricken with Cupid’s arrow. Stuck in the timeline that was love. And he couldn’t do anything about it. And… and… he was okay with that. Perhaps in a few hours he would hate Sebastian. Perhaps in a few more hours he would pray for death. But right now? Right now all he wanted was to be wrapped up under the covers with the demon.
Legs entwined, sweat lingering on the backs of their necks. Breath still heavy. All he wanted. All he ever wanted.
‘I care about you. He would say. I need you in my life, Ciel. He would say. And then… he would… he would…’
“Would you like to enlighten me as to what your thoughts are?” The boy snapped back into reality.
“Nothing that would concern a servant like you.”
Ciel sipped on the cup of tea that he realized he had taken from Sebastian while he was lost in thought.
‘It’s good.’ The boy closed his eyes and took another sip.
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Life
Ciel stared outside through the window in his study. Yellow birds played in their bath, Finny trimmed the bushes and the sun was high in the sky. The world had continued to move on regardless of the boy’s inner turmoil.
And he was okay with it. He knew Sebastian only wanted him for his soul. Maybe even his body. But it was okay. Maybe he couldn’t convince him to love him. Maybe he couldn’t convince Sebastian that there is such a thing as love. But he would try. And if he failed? It was fine. Because in the end Ciel still got to have Sebastian for a little while.
Sure he was lonely. Sure he might hurt on the inside a little bit. But this was his life now. He was going to be fine and he would be able to wake up in the morning, and face his butler. Smile and all.
He could feel it. Just feel it in his bones. That everything was going to be okay. He had faced inner demons and came out on top. It didn’t matter how he might feel a few hours from now. All that mattered was now.
“Is there something I could get for you… Young Master?”
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
It's a day that I'm glad I survived
A wealthy woman's day was governed by etiquette rules that encumbered her with up to six wardrobe changes a day and the needs varied over three seasons a year. A lady changed through a wide range of clothing as occasion dictated.
A wealthy woman's day was governed by etiquette rules that encumbered her with up to six wardrobe changes a day and the needs varied over three seasons a year. A lady changed through a wide range of clothing as occasion dictated.
Fashion history and photographic records clearly illustrate there was morning and mourning dress, walking dress, town dress, visiting dress, receiving visitors dress, travelling dress, shooting dress, golf dress, seaside dress, races dress, concert dress, opera dress, dinner and ball dress.
http (COLON) (SLASH) (SLASH) fashion (DASH) era (DOT) com (SLASH) a (UNDERSCORE) womans (UNDERSCORE) place (DOT) htm
I have to get a root canal and 4 fillings and get a tooth capped. Afterwards I need a deep cleaning and then I need to have three wisdom teeth removed. I’ll be pretty sleepy and out of things for a while but I’m working on as much of the story as I can while I’m still able! I just started antibiotics the other day! Wish me luck!
I own nothing and Lonely belongs to SOD
Lonely - System of a down
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
Ciel thumbed his ring. What was there for him to do? Nothing. You can’t make someone love you. No matter how much you try. Beg. Kick. Thrash. Scream. Connive. Lie. Steal. Kill.
‘Nothing will make him love you.’ His mind echoed at him. His heart was sinking. Breaking. Wilting. Withering away.
No amount of sun would repair it. No amount of water quench its endless thirst. No music to lift its spirits. Nothing. No. Not now. Not ever.
And maybe he was okay with that. How couldn’t he be? There was no way to win. No point in trying. Whether or not he would get down and prostrate himself in front of the demon, nor if he lay belly up on the dinner table would matter.
Perhaps Sebastian, indeed, would ravish him. Bite his skin. Let his saliva trickle down between his shoulder blades. Yes he might draw blood from his lips, pull his hair, devour his young senses. But there would be no affection. No lingering love in the air. No fire trailing down his ribs. No. There would be no filling sensation after his butler pumped his essence deep into the boy. No satisfying sleep after their romping. No. Nothing.
No.
Nothing.
Not now.
Not ever.
And yet. Ciel couldn’t help it but want. Desire everything from his servant. He was human. And humans are a selfish abomination. He didn’t care if Sebastian pulled the skin from his bones. Slurped his veins and used his cartilage as butter. Use his eyelashes as garnishes. Nostrils as seasoning. As long as the demon wanted him. Wanted his body. Wanted his soul. He wasn’t completely useless. He wasn’t invisible. Someone he wanted, wanted him back.
Sure it hurt him. He wished ice would rain down from The Heavens and pierce his eyes so he would never have to see that thing smile again. Cut his ear drums so he’d never listen to him whisper in the dark. Slice his tongue, rip his lips apart. He hated to utter the demons name ever so much.
Truly this demon was a plague. And Ciel was infected. Polluted. Contaminated. All wasn’t lost though. He was set aside. Isolated. Quarantined. He was on lockdown in his mind and there was no way he could escape. There is no cure for a broken heart. No vaccine for suffering. No salve. No injection. No tonic.
No.
Nothing.
Ciel pressed his cane into the grass beneath him. He had decided to take a walk through his gardens and had ended up in the woods. He had nothing to fear. Sure, maybe men would swarm around him, bursting through the bushed, climbing down trees. Doing anything in their power to wring their hands around his neck. Sure. Alright. That was fine with the boy.
He dared them. Dared anything to come for him. Wished God would strike him down. Begged for Satan to rise up and steal his essence. But he knew. He knew it wouldn’t happen. Nothing would happen to him while he was under Sebastian’s protection. And… in a way… he liked it.
While he, indeed, wished for his suffering to end, he was growing accustomed to it. Almost looked forward to it, enjoyed the tingling sensations of regret in the back of his eyes as he fell asleep. The chill that crept up his back and played with his ears as he woke up in the morning.
‘Good morning, Young Master.’ He would say. And Ciel couldn’t help but smirk.
Yes he wished for death on more than one occasion a day, but he would fight harder than he had ever fought before to stay by Sebastian’s side. He was one hell of a contradiction.
The boy gripped his cane and stopped where he was. He pressed it harder… harder… even harder into the ground until it pierced the earths flesh. Tainted the polished wood with soil. Pressed it! Pressed it further still! Deeper and deeper it sunk. Deeper… deeper. He placed both of his hands on top of the rounded golden top and used all of his strength to force his cane into the ground.
Snap!
Ciel fell to the ground as the cane broke in half. Dirt stained his knees and green clung to his clothes.
“Tch. Stupid grass.” The boy sat up on his rump and looked around.
Blue sky had faded to grey and a chill was in the air. He could smell the roses in the garden back at his mansion so he knew he hadn’t walked too far away. Not that it mattered. He was a capable boy and could handle himself on his own… right?
Rain dusted the area and Ciel sniffled, feeling his cheeks chill. Maybe this was a sign. A small chance to slip away from life. He could just curl up under a bush and escape everything.
‘Don’t be foolish.’ His inner thoughts told him. ‘Sebastian would find you. Why are you acting so weak? You are an Earl! The Queens Watchdog! Nothing will ever stand in your way!’
Rallied by his small speech he began to make his short trek back to the mansion. Using the sweet smell of the roses Ciel made a right through an overgrown path. The rain had become heavy and cumbersome at this point. His clothes clung to his body and they were heavy. He wished he could just discard them and not have to worry about being a gentleman. But if a lady were to pass by, her delicate sensibilities would be hurt. And he would be cast out of the upper class for sure.
His chest heaved and he realized he had been more tired than he realized. The boy rubbed his eyes and could see the faint traces of gates in the distance.
‘Finally.’
Mud sucked his shoes off of his feet but still he continued on.
‘It’s just a little rain. Why am I having such difficulty getting home?’
Stones pricked at the soft underbelly of his feet. Thorny bushes tugged his clothes and made him irate.
“Stop it! Let go!” The boy pulled his coat from the bushes and put it back on himself as dignified as he could. Holes lingered up his arms and at his shirt cuffs.
The Earl crept closer and closer to his mansion. Rain battled him left and right. Mud covered him up to his thighs and he was soaked through. Even his fingers had become pruned.
He grasped the gates and slid down the sides.
“We were waiting for you. Where had you gone off to at this hour?”
Ciel looked up and could see his butler looking down at him, no smile creeping across his face. His brows were furrowed and he looked… he looked… almost angry.
“Were you worried for me? I’d think if I were truly an important meal to you, that you would know where I was at all times.”
This time, the demon did smile. As he always did. At every conversation. Every outburst. Every tea time. Every bed time.
“Oh forgive me, Young Master, but I did know where you were. I was just looking for an explanation as to what made you run off without telling me.”
The boy picked himself up off of the ground and looked Sebastian right in the eye.
“You forget your place more often than not. I am Earl Phantomhive. I do not need to tell anyone where I am going, not even The Queen. And you, you should have not let me get to this state. As a Phantomhive butler, your duty is to me and making sure that I have the utmost care is your number one priority. You are failing, Sebastian.”
It was this time that the butler outright chuckled.
“My my, you are quite feisty tonight. I apologize for failing my duties as a Phantomhive butler. I thought that, perhaps, you are an Earl and the head of this household and, as such, could take care of yourself for a mere hour or so.”
Ciel glared at the tall man, reached through the bars and smacked him.
Rain continued to pour.
Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The boy thumbed his ring again as he waited for Sebastian to exit the room with the dirtied dishes. He stared down at the tablecloth and searched for any stains he knew wouldn’t be there. The butler hadn’t said a word to him since earlier. He knew the demon couldn’t possibly be mad… could he?
No.
Never.
In all actuality Sebastian was almost giddy inside. He loved pulling emotions from Ciel and if getting a slap in return was what he received it was all the more reason to keep going.
To watch anger glisten over the boys eyes and see anguish cross his lips was orgasmic. The butler could almost feel shivers run up his spine.
Ciel was dying inside. Every day the sun would rise, every time moonlight streamed through his curtains. He could feel it. His organs rotting. His ribs turning to mush.
He just wished, oh how he wished, for something. Anything. His life was becoming boring. All there was and all there ever would be was misery. And it was so horribly, endlessly, boring.
His brain had gotten used to thinking a million thoughts at once. He could never relax. Sleep was a luxury and he could feel his lower back learn new knots. His eyes were always heavy and he felt as though he were walking in sand. His body never wanted to move the way he wanted and his thoughts never stayed where he wanted them to.
This was a fait worse than death and he had no idea how to handle it. There were no parents to run to. No doting aunt to question. No texts he could confront. He was on his own. All alone. Quarantined. Stuck in solitary confinement.
Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
And even though Ciel could feel himself falling, spiraling down into never ending misery, he knew this was his doing. It was his. And his alone. He created this and he would endure it.
If he could realize this, then maybe he could control it. Mold it to what he wanted it to be. Use it to his advantage. Harvest its power. Make himself The Master of his own heart. Of his own mind. And keep it from running rampant.
He knew he shouldn’t act the way he was. To lie sullenly around the house. Mope in the gardens. Sigh at the sun. This was womanly behavior and Ciel was anything but that!
No. This was unacceptable. Ciel would not falter. He would not lose. Not ever. Not even to a demon straight from Hell. Even if Sebastian were to come right up to him and… and… and were to kiss him.
Tell him that he loved him. Tell him… tell him… that there was nothing left to worry about. That he enjoyed the boy for more reasons than his soul. Liked his passion. Smiled at his personality.
Yes.
Even if.
Even if Sebastian were to say these things. Even if he were to, Ciel would stand his ground. This was his loneliness, not Sebastians. This was his broken heart. These are his torn insides. His emptiness. His darkness. His blueberry misery. It was his. His and no one else’s.
Ciel stood from his chair in the dining room and went to his bedroom. He didn’t need Sebastian for anything, right? He could do everything on his own, right? And so that’s what he did.
Sebastian walked the long hall to his masters bedroom. He realized that there had been a change in the boy. Had he rallied against him? Was he losing control of the boy? This would simply not do.
No.
Not at all.
The demon needed to take hold of the boy. Render him helpless. Make him beg for him. He opened the door and stared into the dark room. He smiled and allowed himself to step in and close the door. Lifting the candelabra higher, he could get a better idea of what had gone on.
A dresser was left ajar and the sheets were tussled over the bed. One of the hampers lay on its side. Two brown shoes had been stuffed almost under the bed and a sleeping boy lay in the center of said bed.
Clearly he had undressed and dressed himself for the night. And he had decided when he wanted to go to bed.
‘Maybe this is his way of trying to gain control of the situation, how interesting’
Sebastian crept closer to The Earls bed and adjusted the sheets. Gently tucking Ciel in so he would keep warm.
“Sleep well… Young Master.”
And with that, the butler exited the room.
And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you
Take your hand and walk away
The young boy tossed and turned in his bed. Of course. Of course he would be wrapped up in another nightmare. Of course it was about the butler. Of course he was winning.
He wouldn’t let the demon take control. No, not this time. Those long skilled fingers wouldn’t brush his thighs. And they certainly wouldn’t dance over his chest. Most assuredly not run through his thick hair.
No.
Not ever.
He struggled in Sebastians arms. Bit at his long tongue. Stuck his thumbs in the demons irises. He did everything. Everything in his power. Forced his small body to fight back against this ancient being from hell. The timeless being. The endless nightmare that was his caretaker.
He clawed at the mans skin. Tore at his nose. Gnawed on his fingers. But… but… it was all in vain. The being laughed. He laughed! This was just foreplay to him.
“Bite my tongue? Gauge my eyes? How delightful. More, little one! What else are you capable of?”
The dream Sebastian picked Ciel up by his middle toe. He could hear the click and pop as it dislocated and the human twisted and rallied.
“Let me go! Let me go!”
He liked to pretend that he had power. He had even dressed himself for bed that night. But it was nothing. Nothing compared to what this demon had over him.
The control. The power. The endless darkness that surrounded him was suffocating. It was bitter and grainy. As if he had eaten a cocoa bean. His heart was fluttering and he didn’t know what to do. The demon in front of him laughed and bared his fangs.
Ciel twisted and whaled until he finally was able to grab a hold of the demons arm and bite into it. Sweet blood poured into his mouth and he spat it onto the ground. The Sebastian in front of him squeezed the small puncture and his eyes sparkled when he saw more of his life’s liquid seep out.
He was helpless. Just a small child. His small moment of control was lost. The single thread of sanity he had held onto was snipped and he realized, with absolute certainty, that there really was no hope left.
The boy shifted in his covers and cracked open his right eye. He stretched and looked around the room and wasn’t at all surprised when he saw that Sebastian was waiting with tea for him.
The room had been tidied up and to any normal person there was nothing unusual about the situation.
No.
Nothing at all.
“Good morning, Young Master. Today’s tea is…”
His voice faded into the background as Ciel got lost in thought. He knew Sebastian was speaking. Knew he would ask him what he wanted for breakfast. Tell him what he was to do today but… but… he couldn’t take his eyes off of him.
The boy was just lost. His eyes were dull and he couldn’t focus on anything but the demons lips. The way his hips swayed when he walked. How his fingers folded the napkins.
Everything was… was… too perfect. He hated it, but deep down, somewhere in there, he wouldn’t have it any other way. He was an emotional wreck. Just yesterday he had sworn he wouldn’t love the demon. Earlier that day he could hardly function due to his love sickness. And now? Now he was just floating on cloud nine.
Caught up in the demons glory. He was stricken with Cupid’s arrow. Stuck in the timeline that was love. And he couldn’t do anything about it. And… and… he was okay with that. Perhaps in a few hours he would hate Sebastian. Perhaps in a few more hours he would pray for death. But right now? Right now all he wanted was to be wrapped up under the covers with the demon.
Legs entwined, sweat lingering on the backs of their necks. Breath still heavy. All he wanted. All he ever wanted.
‘I care about you. He would say. I need you in my life, Ciel. He would say. And then… he would… he would…’
“Would you like to enlighten me as to what your thoughts are?” The boy snapped back into reality.
“Nothing that would concern a servant like you.”
Ciel sipped on the cup of tea that he realized he had taken from Sebastian while he was lost in thought.
‘It’s good.’ The boy closed his eyes and took another sip.
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Life
Ciel stared outside through the window in his study. Yellow birds played in their bath, Finny trimmed the bushes and the sun was high in the sky. The world had continued to move on regardless of the boy’s inner turmoil.
And he was okay with it. He knew Sebastian only wanted him for his soul. Maybe even his body. But it was okay. Maybe he couldn’t convince him to love him. Maybe he couldn’t convince Sebastian that there is such a thing as love. But he would try. And if he failed? It was fine. Because in the end Ciel still got to have Sebastian for a little while.
Sure he was lonely. Sure he might hurt on the inside a little bit. But this was his life now. He was going to be fine and he would be able to wake up in the morning, and face his butler. Smile and all.
He could feel it. Just feel it in his bones. That everything was going to be okay. He had faced inner demons and came out on top. It didn’t matter how he might feel a few hours from now. All that mattered was now.
“Is there something I could get for you… Young Master?”
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
It's a day that I'm glad I survived
A wealthy woman's day was governed by etiquette rules that encumbered her with up to six wardrobe changes a day and the needs varied over three seasons a year. A lady changed through a wide range of clothing as occasion dictated.
A wealthy woman's day was governed by etiquette rules that encumbered her with up to six wardrobe changes a day and the needs varied over three seasons a year. A lady changed through a wide range of clothing as occasion dictated.
Fashion history and photographic records clearly illustrate there was morning and mourning dress, walking dress, town dress, visiting dress, receiving visitors dress, travelling dress, shooting dress, golf dress, seaside dress, races dress, concert dress, opera dress, dinner and ball dress.
http (COLON) (SLASH) (SLASH) fashion (DASH) era (DOT) com (SLASH) a (UNDERSCORE) womans (UNDERSCORE) place (DOT) htm
I have to get a root canal and 4 fillings and get a tooth capped. Afterwards I need a deep cleaning and then I need to have three wisdom teeth removed. I’ll be pretty sleepy and out of things for a while but I’m working on as much of the story as I can while I’m still able! I just started antibiotics the other day! Wish me luck!