Kuroshitsuji Fan Fiction ❯ Ciel's Music Box ❯ Monster ( Chapter 3 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Narakus Faithfull Servant 
Anime/Manga: Kuroshitsuji Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 02.10.2012 | Updated On: 02.18.2012 | Pages: 4 | Words: 4.9K | Visits: 342 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Kuroshitsuji Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 02.10.2012 | Updated On: 02.18.2012 | Pages: 4 | Words: 4.9K | Visits: 342 | Status: Work In Progress
I would like to thank everyone for their kind reviews and favourites and story alerts. I really appreciate what you folk are doing. Thanks again.
-Amber
I do not own the lyrics to this song. It belongs to the respective copy write owner.
Monster - Panzer AG
I am the monster under your bed
Ciel pressed a white napkin to his soft lips. His deep blue eyes scanned the room as he waited for Sebastian to take his plate. Dinner was good. As usual. He had finished almost all of it. As usual. Sebastian was still by his side. As usual.
Everything was so normal yet so… so… abstract. His stomach was tied into knots and his brain was only making it worse.
‘He’ll never love you. You’re not good enough. He’s just using you. I’m surprised he even wants your soul. You’re so filthy. Spoiled goods. All used up.’ The Earl shook his head.
It wasn’t normal for him to have such harsh thoughts. It wasn’t normal for him to feel so sick all the time. It wasn’t normal to love your demon. It wasn’t normal to have a demon.
He hated everything. He couldn’t concentrate on his revenge. He couldn’t concentrate on his studies. He couldn’t concentrate on work. He figured that, even if The Queen walked through his door, he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on what she had to say.
Sure! He’d nod when they finished their sentences. Sure! He’d respond when they would as a question. Of course! He’d shake their hand and ask them to come for tea again. But by the end of the day he could hardly recall who he had seen, if anyone.
Ciel was in no mood to sleep. Not that he was going to bed soon anyway. But it was still in the back of his mind. He would lay there. He would lay there and think. Think about nothing. Think about everything. Not that his butler was anything, of course. But as of late he was becoming nothing but his everything.
He knew. Oh yes he knew. He would pull the covers to his chin. Bite his bottom lip. And wait. Oh how he waited. Oh how he wished. And hoped. And dreamt. And yearned. And Desired.
How he desired. More than anything he desired. Not anything in particular. Just everything. Just everything from Sebastian. His words. His caress. The sound he makes when he enters a room. The way he looks when he’s fixing the garden in the hot afternoon sun. The way he hoped he would taste. Like raspberry tart. That faint lily smell when he reaches his arm past Ciels face to grasp a tea cup.
The Earl raised his lip in a snarl as he thought about his “bedtime”. Maybe this time Sebastian would stay. Maybe this time he would sit by Ciel and wait for him to sleep peacefully. Would will him to fight his night terrors away. Back into their cellar. Their putrid real where they hold no power over him.
His butler could do that, right? Fight the demons that sleep in his head at night? That make visions of blood? Of fear and of plucked finger nails? Ripped eyelids. Shaved tongues. Surely Sebastian could allow him one night of peaceful sleep?
The young boy dared not ask. He would never do such a thing. He would hope though. Hope to wake up in the middle of the night and see that man parched beside his bed. Hope for his servant to want him as he wanted. Desire him as he desired. Love him as he loved.
Sebastian had learned by now to not say anything, even when Ciel had made an outward reaction to his inner thoughts lest he be reprimanded once more. The butler knew all too well that The Earl was thinking of him. He could smell it. Taste it. Feel it. That curled lip. Those half lidded eyes. That tensing in his thighs.
And he did nothing. There was nothing for him to do. All he had wanted to do was done.
A creature with meat, a blood sucking creep
The butler couldn’t help it. It was just in his nature. To connive. To manipulate. To Cheat. Scheme. Feign. Steal. So it was completely normal for him to desire Ciel in the deepest of ways. No. Not the way the young master wanted him to. But perhaps in a way, likened, to it.
He wished for nothing more than to devour him. Wear his skin. Plunge his tongue into that mouth and pluck those teeth. Longed for his scent and the way he would smell with his blood staining the backs of his knees. Dripping down his scalp. Hoped for the day when he could snap his bones in two and inhale the dust that would flutter so delicately in the air.
Sebastian was nothing but a monster. He could never love Ciel. No. Not in the way he wanted him to. There was no changing it. No way that the boy could mould his feelings. No way that he could change his mind. Turn his heart. Win him over. Not if he resisted his temptations. Nor if he gave in. He was just another soul. Just another meal. Indeed he was special. A special type of meal. But just a meal. And only a meal.
His inner demon thought nothing of it! Of tricking the boy. Of twisting his little heart. Of listening to the sound of misery dripping. Leaking. Oozing out of his organs. Rising to his skin and smothering his insides.
Ciels servant couldn’t wait until it was bed time for the little one. What would he do tonight? Sneak into the room and surprise him with sweet words? His voice rolling and tumbling like slow pouring honey. Tell him thought provoking stories of his past as the boy fell into a peaceful sleep for the first time in months?
Indeed. What would he do tonight? He was so excited. So excited he was sure he would burst as soon as Ciel’s eyes start to get droopy.
I feed on little children, I molest you when you sleep
Had time skipped? Had it just jumped from one place to another? Ciel just wanted to sign one more paper. Read one more book. File one more thing away. Anything to keep from going to bed. But there he was. That black clad man. Haunting him in the center of the room. His hand over his heart. That inky smile on his face.
“I’m afraid it is time for you to rest now, Young Master.”
“Come back later. I am not finished with this paper.”
“As your butler and caretaker I must inform you that if you do not get the proper amount of sleep per night, you will take ill.”
“I don’t care. Fetch for me later.”
“It is quite late already, Bocchan. If you would behave as a child, I would carry you as one.”
Ciel stared at the butler and they were locked. Frozen in time once more. For how long? The child would never know. It was, perhaps, only minutes but it was as if a lifetime had already passed. He couldn’t bear to think about how long he would live if Sebastian weren’t to take his soul.
The walk down the hall seemed to take eternities. Countless ones. Hundreds. Thousands. A hundred thousands. The gentle footsteps on the carpet. The clinking of Sebastians pocket watch. The closed curtains, trying to hide the fact that it was, indeed, dark outside.
“Allow me.” Another grin as the butler opened the door to Ciels bedroom.
‘How many times is he going to grin like that?’ A hundred times. A thousand times. A… hundred thousand more times.
The child. The boy. The barely grown male stood in front of the butler. Right next to the bed. Standing between the dresser and the place where he lays his head at night. Sebastian wedged between them. Pulling Ciel’s neck tie and letting it fall to the floor. Fluttering. Fleeting. Unbuttoning his vest.
One…
Two…
Three…
How many more?
Four…
Five…
The demon placed his hands on the child. The infant. The sheep. His meat. And slid the material off of his shoulders. Down his upper arm. Over the elbow. Sliding. Gliding across his wrist. Tickling his fingers.
“Please raise your arms, Young Master.”
For once, Ciel did as he was told. His arms were held high in the air and Sebastian tugged his shirt out of his shorts. His nails gently brushed the tender skin at his tummy as he reached for the seam of the cotton material. The man’s knuckles tickled up the boys sides. Over his chest. High above his head. The sleeves clung to Ciels arms, not wanting to let go just yet.
There was nothing erotic about this. Nothing at all. No. This was just Sebastian undressing his meal. This was just the sheep doing exactly as told. Exactly as told.
Sebastian reached for the buttons on the child’s shorts.
One…
Two…
He gently, oh so gently, tenderly, lovingly wrestled Ciels shorts off, along with his cotton underwear. His legs were so thin. So lithe. The butler didn’t have to slide these down as he did the shirt but he longed to.
“Buffoon.”
It was all too late that Sebastian had realized he completely forgot to take his Masters shoes off.
“My my. How silly of me. I must have had something on my mind.” A jab at Ciel. It hadn’t gone unnoticed. The lad decided not to say anything on it.
The demon set himself on his knee and waited for the boy to sit back on the bed. He softly situated his meals foot forward. Cupping his calf. Running his hand over the ankle to tug at the shoe.
Pop.
It came right off with ease. The false human set his boys foot back down and went after the other shoe. Continuing on the right foot his long spider fingers trailed up the boy’s leg and unbuttoned the boys strap to take off his socks.
The right leg.
Pink.
The left leg.
Pink.
The socks were immediately removed, along with the rest of Ciels clothing. And there he sat. Completely naked. Bare to the world. Goosebumps rising on his skin. A chill eating away at the base of his spine.
Sebastian rose to his full height once more after looking up at the boy. His lips a hairs breath away from Ciels knee.
“Well then…. This looks appropriate for tonight.”
The servant said as he pulled a night shirt from a dresser. He turned back to the child and watched as he looked at the garment.
“You arms….young master.”
Ciel raised his arms for the final time and waited for him to slide his night clothes over him. Exactly as told. And with that the demon watched his master crawl under the covers. The boy was watching him so intently. He thought perhaps he would speak and surprise him with his words. Admit his love. Admit his admiration. His lust. His desire. His ever-wanting.
But no. He didn’t. And Sebastian didn’t ask him to. He merely rolled over onto his left side and pretended to sleep. The fiend from hell smiled and stood by the bed waiting for his master to finally sleep.
I'm the monster in the water when you're swimming out too deep
Whether Ciel knew he was standing there or not, he didn’t make any inclination towards him. He was in a deep sleep and it was almost… almost… almost sweet. Cute in a way. If you could call your dinner cute. Just the way it was before it was slaughtered. Torn limb from limb.
He was swimming. Teal hair clung to his forehead. Little lungs gasping for hair. It wasn’t that he couldn’t swim. No, he was an excellent swimmer. It was the waves crashing, tumbling him over and over beneath the sea.
Deep sea creatures coming up to the surface to find the fresh meat. Bite his ankles. Nibble his kneecaps. Gnaw on his hips.
There was nothing he could do. No one he could call out for. No. No one. A rumbling down below him was unnerving him. Something he could feel in the pit of his stomach. In his bones. Between his veins. What was that? And again! It was as if the whole sea would collapse in on itself. As if it were vibrating. As if Hell was ripping through the earth. Clawing at the salt, mingling within the water.
Dark clouds rumbled above him. Rusty air forced its way into his lungs. And then. They tumbled. The clouds. The clouds descended on him. They chased after him. Smothered him. Pressed his chest. Sunk between his ears. Clasped his eye balls. Squirmed under his tongue. Molested him in every sense.
And he had no one he could call. There was no black clad man to pull him from the liquid depths. No butler to lift him and dry him off. No demon to save him from his death. No one. No one could help him.
And he hated it. He was helpless in all aspects. He thought to just let go. To end it all and let the sea take him. Allow his body to bloat. His skin to break apart.
There it was again. That rumbling. That deep roar he could almost feel in his heart. And suddenly. Suddenly. The sea was becoming warm. He could feel it in his feet. His knees. His stomach. All the way up to his shoulders. The clouds dissipated and the water began to calm. He was no longer being tossed or turned or tumbled. Everything seemed to have relaxed.
Ciel looked to his left and to his right. It just… didn’t feel like it should. The sea was so odd. So… so… purple? He was so relaxed. The gentle water helped to ease his straining muscles and he wasn’t so desperate for death. But… the way the water was changing colours disturbed him.
It was then that he could feel it. The temperature was rising. Rising. Rising still. And the sea was changing from purple to a dark pink. The more it changed the hotter it got. Ciel frantically tried to jump out of the water. To swim in any direction he could where land might be. But it didn’t stop.
Steam rose out of the water and it continued to turn. Dark red and already he was at a rolling boil. It had all happened to fast! What was he to do? Would he have preferred it return to a frozen windstorm? Clouds choking him and turning him blue?
Perhaps. His skin blistered and he couldn’t bear it any longer. He screamed loud. Louder than he had ever thought possible. He was really in some hot water now. There was no escaping his death. There was no escape. Ever. Never. Never ever.
His fists began to clench. His arms and legs curling toward his body. He couldn’t swim. He couldn’t move. Ciel laid there in the fetal position. His body was sinking. And he was resigned to screaming in his mind as his brain slowly cooked.
I know all your dirty secrets, and I love the way you smell
“It’s time to wake up, Young Master. This morning we will be having poached eggs, ham, sprats* and your choice of toast, scone or a roll.”
Ciels eyes shot open and he looked around the room and noticed his butler pouring his favourite tea in front of him. It was then that Sebastian’s earlier question had finally sunk in and he answered.
“Toast.”
He hardly thought ham and sprats went well together but he figured he could pick it out and push it to the side if he truly disliked it.
Sebastian handed the teacup and saucer to his master, knowing all too well about his night terror. Not exactly what was in it. But that he had had one. He had screamed all night long and the demon had devoured every single one. All of the child’s terror buried itself deep in the butler’s belly. The scent of his fright still stinging the gums between his canines. He could hardly contain himself.
The way it lingered on Ciels bed, wiggled itself between the sheets. Spread out over the wallpaper. The way it wrapped around Sebastians fingertips and teased his nostrils with its almost ginger root smell. How it bit at his cheeks, clawed at his back, tugged at his ear lobes.
He never wanted it to end. He wanted to close the curtain and lock the door. Let the scent become stale and thick in the air. Just wanted to bathe in it. Drink it always.
Sebastian pushed the cart he had brought up to one side and waited for Ciel to fully wake up.
“You have an open schedule this morning and afternoon. Shall we do something special?”
“Such as?” Ciel raised his eye brow.
“Oh, I had nothing in particular in mind. I perhaps thought I would plant a seed and let it grow.”
“How foolish” How foolish indeed. Sebastian stole a glance at the boy and watched as he looked to the side.
The young boy shifted his legs beneath the blankets and took another sip of tea. His now apple scented nervousness wafted toward Sebastian and he could feel his mouth water.
How foolish.
I'll give you a ride, through blood and homicide
All Sebastian wanted to do was drag this boy through endless misery. Pour his skin into a vat and gargle with it. Iron his brain. Melt it into a thin pancake. Suck it between his teeth. Use his cartilage as toothpicks.
There was nothing more satisfying than seeing his captive’s big blue eyes swelling with fear. Watching his skin taint black and blue. Beautiful decorations of hunger. Observing blood pour out of his mouth.. Listening to his hair rip at the scalp. Feeling the tremble in Ciel’s weak legs as he plucked the boy from the ground after noticing that he’s too tired to walk any longer.
He couldn’t wait. He couldn’t wait to take the boys soul. He couldn’t wait for it to rot and bake in his captives cavity. To suck it out through Ciels clover lips. Feel his captive’s life escape him. Watch as the very last bit of who he is escape through his eyes.
You know we're going to hell
There was no escaping it. The young master would never be accepted into heaven. No matter how much he begged. Repented for his sins. If he spent the last of his days in a church. If he himself became a priest. There was no saving his soul. Even if he plucked his own eye. He had no chance. He was tarnished. Marked for everlasting suffering. And Sebastian wouldn’t have it any other way.
(Shh) It's okay, it's just me
Sebastian watched as Ciel got lost in his thoughts again. His eyes glazed over and he was terribly still. His breathing was slow and deliberate. The butler noticed that his captive had finished his tea and was simply holding onto the cup for comfort. Or… perhaps just out of habit. Whichever it was, the demon didn’t really care for. He knew he had to get the dishes to the kitchen and begin cleaning the house. He gently reached out his hand and grabbed a hold of the saucer.
“Oh! … Tch. You do not grab things out of people’s hands, Sebastian.” Ciel glared at Sebastian for startling him.
“I beg your pardon, Young Master. I simply meant to begin today’s errands.”
He was silent. The boy sighed and looked away. It was just too early to argue and he had almost no energy from last nights terror.
“I will return to dress you once you have settled for the morning and I put the dishes away.”
It was quite unusual for Sebastian to leave him like this. Quite un-butlery. Quite.
(Shh) It's okay, it's just me
Ciel walked one of the long halls in his mansion as he had found himself doing a lot of this past month. He tugged at one of his jacket sleeves. He also tugged his white shirt so you could see the elegant detailing and scalloping. So focused on trying to spiffy himself up he hardly noticed the door to the library opening.
“Oh! Sebastian. Do not wildly swing the doors open in my house. You could break something.”
“Yes, My Lord. My apologies. I just thought to dust the books this morning.” The butler bowed at the waist with a smile tickling at his lips.
I'm the monster in your closet
The young boy decided to take a walk to his study and to try to avoid the butler. He had been popping in and out of all sorts of different places today. It was as if he were trying to startle him. How horrid! What if his heart gave out?
Ciel looked at the various pictures and different vases he had decorated around the hall. Noticing one vase in particular that he had recently bought. He paused at the third window and ran his hand over the hard wooden door.
He let it travel down towards the handle and could feel the small grains beneath his fingertips. Opening the door he looked around the room and concluded that Sebastian hadn’t made it to this part of the manor yet. The young Earl closed the door and proceeded to walk to his desk and relax in his favourite chair.
“Would you like another cup of tea?” Ciel jumped and turned in his chair.
“No. Why are you here?”
“Why, I always clean your study every day. It’s the last room on my list. I leave it in case The Young Master would like some time alone while I clean the rest of the mansion.” Sebastian placed a large map in the closet to stow it away for a day The Earl might need it. “I’m afraid these are your orders. To clean the mansion is my job. Every day, weather it needs it or not.”
“Yes, I know. Just… just stand there to the side. And don’t move. Don’t make a noise. Just stand there.” Sebastian raised his eyebrow at the boy but bowed to him.
“Yes, My Lord.” And he did just that. Stood right by the closet and watched his captive return to his comfortable position at the desk.
I am the shadow in the dark
Ciel couldn’t concentrate. Though Sebastian always was around, he was never so… so… obviously around. He was a looming type of creature. One to stand back and observe. Observe for minutes. Hours. Days. Weeks. Watching. Waiting for something, anything to happen.
But right now? Right now he was just… just standing there. Just so… quietly standing to the side. There was no “looming in the darkness” there was no tea set gently clinging together being brought down the hall. No sound of the feather duster as it ran over the shelves. No click and clack of his pocket watch beating against his jacket.
It was... It was… nerve-wracking. He couldn’t stand it. He hated it. With every fiber in his body.
“You can return to your work, just do not bother me while I read.”
And with that… with that… everything was back to normal. As if life itself had restarted.
Because of me, you stay in your house at night
Ciel tried his best not to think about Sebastian any longer. Though he did pop up in his head. Sometimes… constantly. But he just couldn’t help it. The way he locked everything up at night. How he took such tender care to make sure every window was shut tight and every lock in place. How he checked every door. How he paraded the house in search of intruders. How he walked by Ciels door to check on him.
One might think being locked up with a demon would be a horrible fait thrust only upon a person who committed nothing but the darkest of sins. But the boy couldn’t sleep without knowing Sebastian was there. Was listening for anything to stir. Was waiting for anything to even unknowingly creep up onto The Earls lands.
It was almost as if he truly cared for the boy’s safety. Almost.
I am the creature, hiding in the park
The young Earl turned one of the pages in a book he had picked up earlier. He liked to pretend he was reading. Not to fool others, but to fool himself. He knew quite well he wasn’t half way into his book. But he did know he was half way into a fantasy about his butler.
Traveling to some distant land. Off to some place where they wouldn’t be bothered with trivial chivalry, ballroom dancing, courting, businesses. None of it. A place where it would just be he and Sebastian. Not a person in sight. No small children, no Scotland Yard, no Queen, no Brittan. Just Sebastian. Just Ciel.
There was nothing more he could ever ask for. But he would never. Not ever. He knew his place. He is to get his revenge and hand over his soul. Not spend eternity with Sebastian. Not confess his love. Not gaze into each others eyes. No. None of it.
Ciel looked over at Sebastian as he bent over to pick up a piece of trash. Their eyes met. Bright pink and deep blue clashed.
It would never be what he wanted but maybe… maybe this was good enough.
This unique Victorian craft is taken from "Scientific American Supplement No. 483" published in New York, April 4, 1885.
Victorian Craft -- Making Silhouette Portraits
A silhouette portrait of a loved one makes a wonderful keepsake.
Take a large sheet of paper, black on one site and white on the other, and affix it to the wall, white surface outward, by means of pins or tacks or tape. Place a very bright light upon the table, at a proper distance, and allow the person whose portrait it is desired to form to stand between it and the wall. Then, with a pencil, draw the outlines of the shadow projected.
While this is being done, it is very necessary that the subject shall keep perfectly immovable. When the outlines are sketched, remove the paper from the wall and cut out the portrait. After this, all that remains to be done is to turn the portrait over and paste it to a sheet of white paper. The silhouette is profiled in black, and if the operation be skillfully performed, the resemblance will be perfect. --La Nature
http (COLON) (SLASH) (SLASH) www (DOT) homemade (DASH) dessert (DASH) recipes (DOT) com (SLASH) victorian (DASH) crafts (DOT) html
*A small marine fish (Sprattus and other genera) of the herring family, widely caught for food and fish products. Similar to a sardine.
-Amber
I do not own the lyrics to this song. It belongs to the respective copy write owner.
Monster - Panzer AG
I am the monster under your bed
Ciel pressed a white napkin to his soft lips. His deep blue eyes scanned the room as he waited for Sebastian to take his plate. Dinner was good. As usual. He had finished almost all of it. As usual. Sebastian was still by his side. As usual.
Everything was so normal yet so… so… abstract. His stomach was tied into knots and his brain was only making it worse.
‘He’ll never love you. You’re not good enough. He’s just using you. I’m surprised he even wants your soul. You’re so filthy. Spoiled goods. All used up.’ The Earl shook his head.
It wasn’t normal for him to have such harsh thoughts. It wasn’t normal for him to feel so sick all the time. It wasn’t normal to love your demon. It wasn’t normal to have a demon.
He hated everything. He couldn’t concentrate on his revenge. He couldn’t concentrate on his studies. He couldn’t concentrate on work. He figured that, even if The Queen walked through his door, he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on what she had to say.
Sure! He’d nod when they finished their sentences. Sure! He’d respond when they would as a question. Of course! He’d shake their hand and ask them to come for tea again. But by the end of the day he could hardly recall who he had seen, if anyone.
Ciel was in no mood to sleep. Not that he was going to bed soon anyway. But it was still in the back of his mind. He would lay there. He would lay there and think. Think about nothing. Think about everything. Not that his butler was anything, of course. But as of late he was becoming nothing but his everything.
He knew. Oh yes he knew. He would pull the covers to his chin. Bite his bottom lip. And wait. Oh how he waited. Oh how he wished. And hoped. And dreamt. And yearned. And Desired.
How he desired. More than anything he desired. Not anything in particular. Just everything. Just everything from Sebastian. His words. His caress. The sound he makes when he enters a room. The way he looks when he’s fixing the garden in the hot afternoon sun. The way he hoped he would taste. Like raspberry tart. That faint lily smell when he reaches his arm past Ciels face to grasp a tea cup.
The Earl raised his lip in a snarl as he thought about his “bedtime”. Maybe this time Sebastian would stay. Maybe this time he would sit by Ciel and wait for him to sleep peacefully. Would will him to fight his night terrors away. Back into their cellar. Their putrid real where they hold no power over him.
His butler could do that, right? Fight the demons that sleep in his head at night? That make visions of blood? Of fear and of plucked finger nails? Ripped eyelids. Shaved tongues. Surely Sebastian could allow him one night of peaceful sleep?
The young boy dared not ask. He would never do such a thing. He would hope though. Hope to wake up in the middle of the night and see that man parched beside his bed. Hope for his servant to want him as he wanted. Desire him as he desired. Love him as he loved.
Sebastian had learned by now to not say anything, even when Ciel had made an outward reaction to his inner thoughts lest he be reprimanded once more. The butler knew all too well that The Earl was thinking of him. He could smell it. Taste it. Feel it. That curled lip. Those half lidded eyes. That tensing in his thighs.
And he did nothing. There was nothing for him to do. All he had wanted to do was done.
A creature with meat, a blood sucking creep
The butler couldn’t help it. It was just in his nature. To connive. To manipulate. To Cheat. Scheme. Feign. Steal. So it was completely normal for him to desire Ciel in the deepest of ways. No. Not the way the young master wanted him to. But perhaps in a way, likened, to it.
He wished for nothing more than to devour him. Wear his skin. Plunge his tongue into that mouth and pluck those teeth. Longed for his scent and the way he would smell with his blood staining the backs of his knees. Dripping down his scalp. Hoped for the day when he could snap his bones in two and inhale the dust that would flutter so delicately in the air.
Sebastian was nothing but a monster. He could never love Ciel. No. Not in the way he wanted him to. There was no changing it. No way that the boy could mould his feelings. No way that he could change his mind. Turn his heart. Win him over. Not if he resisted his temptations. Nor if he gave in. He was just another soul. Just another meal. Indeed he was special. A special type of meal. But just a meal. And only a meal.
His inner demon thought nothing of it! Of tricking the boy. Of twisting his little heart. Of listening to the sound of misery dripping. Leaking. Oozing out of his organs. Rising to his skin and smothering his insides.
Ciels servant couldn’t wait until it was bed time for the little one. What would he do tonight? Sneak into the room and surprise him with sweet words? His voice rolling and tumbling like slow pouring honey. Tell him thought provoking stories of his past as the boy fell into a peaceful sleep for the first time in months?
Indeed. What would he do tonight? He was so excited. So excited he was sure he would burst as soon as Ciel’s eyes start to get droopy.
I feed on little children, I molest you when you sleep
Had time skipped? Had it just jumped from one place to another? Ciel just wanted to sign one more paper. Read one more book. File one more thing away. Anything to keep from going to bed. But there he was. That black clad man. Haunting him in the center of the room. His hand over his heart. That inky smile on his face.
“I’m afraid it is time for you to rest now, Young Master.”
“Come back later. I am not finished with this paper.”
“As your butler and caretaker I must inform you that if you do not get the proper amount of sleep per night, you will take ill.”
“I don’t care. Fetch for me later.”
“It is quite late already, Bocchan. If you would behave as a child, I would carry you as one.”
Ciel stared at the butler and they were locked. Frozen in time once more. For how long? The child would never know. It was, perhaps, only minutes but it was as if a lifetime had already passed. He couldn’t bear to think about how long he would live if Sebastian weren’t to take his soul.
The walk down the hall seemed to take eternities. Countless ones. Hundreds. Thousands. A hundred thousands. The gentle footsteps on the carpet. The clinking of Sebastians pocket watch. The closed curtains, trying to hide the fact that it was, indeed, dark outside.
“Allow me.” Another grin as the butler opened the door to Ciels bedroom.
‘How many times is he going to grin like that?’ A hundred times. A thousand times. A… hundred thousand more times.
The child. The boy. The barely grown male stood in front of the butler. Right next to the bed. Standing between the dresser and the place where he lays his head at night. Sebastian wedged between them. Pulling Ciel’s neck tie and letting it fall to the floor. Fluttering. Fleeting. Unbuttoning his vest.
One…
Two…
Three…
How many more?
Four…
Five…
The demon placed his hands on the child. The infant. The sheep. His meat. And slid the material off of his shoulders. Down his upper arm. Over the elbow. Sliding. Gliding across his wrist. Tickling his fingers.
“Please raise your arms, Young Master.”
For once, Ciel did as he was told. His arms were held high in the air and Sebastian tugged his shirt out of his shorts. His nails gently brushed the tender skin at his tummy as he reached for the seam of the cotton material. The man’s knuckles tickled up the boys sides. Over his chest. High above his head. The sleeves clung to Ciels arms, not wanting to let go just yet.
There was nothing erotic about this. Nothing at all. No. This was just Sebastian undressing his meal. This was just the sheep doing exactly as told. Exactly as told.
Sebastian reached for the buttons on the child’s shorts.
One…
Two…
He gently, oh so gently, tenderly, lovingly wrestled Ciels shorts off, along with his cotton underwear. His legs were so thin. So lithe. The butler didn’t have to slide these down as he did the shirt but he longed to.
“Buffoon.”
It was all too late that Sebastian had realized he completely forgot to take his Masters shoes off.
“My my. How silly of me. I must have had something on my mind.” A jab at Ciel. It hadn’t gone unnoticed. The lad decided not to say anything on it.
The demon set himself on his knee and waited for the boy to sit back on the bed. He softly situated his meals foot forward. Cupping his calf. Running his hand over the ankle to tug at the shoe.
Pop.
It came right off with ease. The false human set his boys foot back down and went after the other shoe. Continuing on the right foot his long spider fingers trailed up the boy’s leg and unbuttoned the boys strap to take off his socks.
The right leg.
Pink.
The left leg.
Pink.
The socks were immediately removed, along with the rest of Ciels clothing. And there he sat. Completely naked. Bare to the world. Goosebumps rising on his skin. A chill eating away at the base of his spine.
Sebastian rose to his full height once more after looking up at the boy. His lips a hairs breath away from Ciels knee.
“Well then…. This looks appropriate for tonight.”
The servant said as he pulled a night shirt from a dresser. He turned back to the child and watched as he looked at the garment.
“You arms….young master.”
Ciel raised his arms for the final time and waited for him to slide his night clothes over him. Exactly as told. And with that the demon watched his master crawl under the covers. The boy was watching him so intently. He thought perhaps he would speak and surprise him with his words. Admit his love. Admit his admiration. His lust. His desire. His ever-wanting.
But no. He didn’t. And Sebastian didn’t ask him to. He merely rolled over onto his left side and pretended to sleep. The fiend from hell smiled and stood by the bed waiting for his master to finally sleep.
I'm the monster in the water when you're swimming out too deep
Whether Ciel knew he was standing there or not, he didn’t make any inclination towards him. He was in a deep sleep and it was almost… almost… almost sweet. Cute in a way. If you could call your dinner cute. Just the way it was before it was slaughtered. Torn limb from limb.
He was swimming. Teal hair clung to his forehead. Little lungs gasping for hair. It wasn’t that he couldn’t swim. No, he was an excellent swimmer. It was the waves crashing, tumbling him over and over beneath the sea.
Deep sea creatures coming up to the surface to find the fresh meat. Bite his ankles. Nibble his kneecaps. Gnaw on his hips.
There was nothing he could do. No one he could call out for. No. No one. A rumbling down below him was unnerving him. Something he could feel in the pit of his stomach. In his bones. Between his veins. What was that? And again! It was as if the whole sea would collapse in on itself. As if it were vibrating. As if Hell was ripping through the earth. Clawing at the salt, mingling within the water.
Dark clouds rumbled above him. Rusty air forced its way into his lungs. And then. They tumbled. The clouds. The clouds descended on him. They chased after him. Smothered him. Pressed his chest. Sunk between his ears. Clasped his eye balls. Squirmed under his tongue. Molested him in every sense.
And he had no one he could call. There was no black clad man to pull him from the liquid depths. No butler to lift him and dry him off. No demon to save him from his death. No one. No one could help him.
And he hated it. He was helpless in all aspects. He thought to just let go. To end it all and let the sea take him. Allow his body to bloat. His skin to break apart.
There it was again. That rumbling. That deep roar he could almost feel in his heart. And suddenly. Suddenly. The sea was becoming warm. He could feel it in his feet. His knees. His stomach. All the way up to his shoulders. The clouds dissipated and the water began to calm. He was no longer being tossed or turned or tumbled. Everything seemed to have relaxed.
Ciel looked to his left and to his right. It just… didn’t feel like it should. The sea was so odd. So… so… purple? He was so relaxed. The gentle water helped to ease his straining muscles and he wasn’t so desperate for death. But… the way the water was changing colours disturbed him.
It was then that he could feel it. The temperature was rising. Rising. Rising still. And the sea was changing from purple to a dark pink. The more it changed the hotter it got. Ciel frantically tried to jump out of the water. To swim in any direction he could where land might be. But it didn’t stop.
Steam rose out of the water and it continued to turn. Dark red and already he was at a rolling boil. It had all happened to fast! What was he to do? Would he have preferred it return to a frozen windstorm? Clouds choking him and turning him blue?
Perhaps. His skin blistered and he couldn’t bear it any longer. He screamed loud. Louder than he had ever thought possible. He was really in some hot water now. There was no escaping his death. There was no escape. Ever. Never. Never ever.
His fists began to clench. His arms and legs curling toward his body. He couldn’t swim. He couldn’t move. Ciel laid there in the fetal position. His body was sinking. And he was resigned to screaming in his mind as his brain slowly cooked.
I know all your dirty secrets, and I love the way you smell
“It’s time to wake up, Young Master. This morning we will be having poached eggs, ham, sprats* and your choice of toast, scone or a roll.”
Ciels eyes shot open and he looked around the room and noticed his butler pouring his favourite tea in front of him. It was then that Sebastian’s earlier question had finally sunk in and he answered.
“Toast.”
He hardly thought ham and sprats went well together but he figured he could pick it out and push it to the side if he truly disliked it.
Sebastian handed the teacup and saucer to his master, knowing all too well about his night terror. Not exactly what was in it. But that he had had one. He had screamed all night long and the demon had devoured every single one. All of the child’s terror buried itself deep in the butler’s belly. The scent of his fright still stinging the gums between his canines. He could hardly contain himself.
The way it lingered on Ciels bed, wiggled itself between the sheets. Spread out over the wallpaper. The way it wrapped around Sebastians fingertips and teased his nostrils with its almost ginger root smell. How it bit at his cheeks, clawed at his back, tugged at his ear lobes.
He never wanted it to end. He wanted to close the curtain and lock the door. Let the scent become stale and thick in the air. Just wanted to bathe in it. Drink it always.
Sebastian pushed the cart he had brought up to one side and waited for Ciel to fully wake up.
“You have an open schedule this morning and afternoon. Shall we do something special?”
“Such as?” Ciel raised his eye brow.
“Oh, I had nothing in particular in mind. I perhaps thought I would plant a seed and let it grow.”
“How foolish” How foolish indeed. Sebastian stole a glance at the boy and watched as he looked to the side.
The young boy shifted his legs beneath the blankets and took another sip of tea. His now apple scented nervousness wafted toward Sebastian and he could feel his mouth water.
How foolish.
I'll give you a ride, through blood and homicide
All Sebastian wanted to do was drag this boy through endless misery. Pour his skin into a vat and gargle with it. Iron his brain. Melt it into a thin pancake. Suck it between his teeth. Use his cartilage as toothpicks.
There was nothing more satisfying than seeing his captive’s big blue eyes swelling with fear. Watching his skin taint black and blue. Beautiful decorations of hunger. Observing blood pour out of his mouth.. Listening to his hair rip at the scalp. Feeling the tremble in Ciel’s weak legs as he plucked the boy from the ground after noticing that he’s too tired to walk any longer.
He couldn’t wait. He couldn’t wait to take the boys soul. He couldn’t wait for it to rot and bake in his captives cavity. To suck it out through Ciels clover lips. Feel his captive’s life escape him. Watch as the very last bit of who he is escape through his eyes.
You know we're going to hell
There was no escaping it. The young master would never be accepted into heaven. No matter how much he begged. Repented for his sins. If he spent the last of his days in a church. If he himself became a priest. There was no saving his soul. Even if he plucked his own eye. He had no chance. He was tarnished. Marked for everlasting suffering. And Sebastian wouldn’t have it any other way.
(Shh) It's okay, it's just me
Sebastian watched as Ciel got lost in his thoughts again. His eyes glazed over and he was terribly still. His breathing was slow and deliberate. The butler noticed that his captive had finished his tea and was simply holding onto the cup for comfort. Or… perhaps just out of habit. Whichever it was, the demon didn’t really care for. He knew he had to get the dishes to the kitchen and begin cleaning the house. He gently reached out his hand and grabbed a hold of the saucer.
“Oh! … Tch. You do not grab things out of people’s hands, Sebastian.” Ciel glared at Sebastian for startling him.
“I beg your pardon, Young Master. I simply meant to begin today’s errands.”
He was silent. The boy sighed and looked away. It was just too early to argue and he had almost no energy from last nights terror.
“I will return to dress you once you have settled for the morning and I put the dishes away.”
It was quite unusual for Sebastian to leave him like this. Quite un-butlery. Quite.
(Shh) It's okay, it's just me
Ciel walked one of the long halls in his mansion as he had found himself doing a lot of this past month. He tugged at one of his jacket sleeves. He also tugged his white shirt so you could see the elegant detailing and scalloping. So focused on trying to spiffy himself up he hardly noticed the door to the library opening.
“Oh! Sebastian. Do not wildly swing the doors open in my house. You could break something.”
“Yes, My Lord. My apologies. I just thought to dust the books this morning.” The butler bowed at the waist with a smile tickling at his lips.
I'm the monster in your closet
The young boy decided to take a walk to his study and to try to avoid the butler. He had been popping in and out of all sorts of different places today. It was as if he were trying to startle him. How horrid! What if his heart gave out?
Ciel looked at the various pictures and different vases he had decorated around the hall. Noticing one vase in particular that he had recently bought. He paused at the third window and ran his hand over the hard wooden door.
He let it travel down towards the handle and could feel the small grains beneath his fingertips. Opening the door he looked around the room and concluded that Sebastian hadn’t made it to this part of the manor yet. The young Earl closed the door and proceeded to walk to his desk and relax in his favourite chair.
“Would you like another cup of tea?” Ciel jumped and turned in his chair.
“No. Why are you here?”
“Why, I always clean your study every day. It’s the last room on my list. I leave it in case The Young Master would like some time alone while I clean the rest of the mansion.” Sebastian placed a large map in the closet to stow it away for a day The Earl might need it. “I’m afraid these are your orders. To clean the mansion is my job. Every day, weather it needs it or not.”
“Yes, I know. Just… just stand there to the side. And don’t move. Don’t make a noise. Just stand there.” Sebastian raised his eyebrow at the boy but bowed to him.
“Yes, My Lord.” And he did just that. Stood right by the closet and watched his captive return to his comfortable position at the desk.
I am the shadow in the dark
Ciel couldn’t concentrate. Though Sebastian always was around, he was never so… so… obviously around. He was a looming type of creature. One to stand back and observe. Observe for minutes. Hours. Days. Weeks. Watching. Waiting for something, anything to happen.
But right now? Right now he was just… just standing there. Just so… quietly standing to the side. There was no “looming in the darkness” there was no tea set gently clinging together being brought down the hall. No sound of the feather duster as it ran over the shelves. No click and clack of his pocket watch beating against his jacket.
It was... It was… nerve-wracking. He couldn’t stand it. He hated it. With every fiber in his body.
“You can return to your work, just do not bother me while I read.”
And with that… with that… everything was back to normal. As if life itself had restarted.
Because of me, you stay in your house at night
Ciel tried his best not to think about Sebastian any longer. Though he did pop up in his head. Sometimes… constantly. But he just couldn’t help it. The way he locked everything up at night. How he took such tender care to make sure every window was shut tight and every lock in place. How he checked every door. How he paraded the house in search of intruders. How he walked by Ciels door to check on him.
One might think being locked up with a demon would be a horrible fait thrust only upon a person who committed nothing but the darkest of sins. But the boy couldn’t sleep without knowing Sebastian was there. Was listening for anything to stir. Was waiting for anything to even unknowingly creep up onto The Earls lands.
It was almost as if he truly cared for the boy’s safety. Almost.
I am the creature, hiding in the park
The young Earl turned one of the pages in a book he had picked up earlier. He liked to pretend he was reading. Not to fool others, but to fool himself. He knew quite well he wasn’t half way into his book. But he did know he was half way into a fantasy about his butler.
Traveling to some distant land. Off to some place where they wouldn’t be bothered with trivial chivalry, ballroom dancing, courting, businesses. None of it. A place where it would just be he and Sebastian. Not a person in sight. No small children, no Scotland Yard, no Queen, no Brittan. Just Sebastian. Just Ciel.
There was nothing more he could ever ask for. But he would never. Not ever. He knew his place. He is to get his revenge and hand over his soul. Not spend eternity with Sebastian. Not confess his love. Not gaze into each others eyes. No. None of it.
Ciel looked over at Sebastian as he bent over to pick up a piece of trash. Their eyes met. Bright pink and deep blue clashed.
It would never be what he wanted but maybe… maybe this was good enough.
This unique Victorian craft is taken from "Scientific American Supplement No. 483" published in New York, April 4, 1885.
Victorian Craft -- Making Silhouette Portraits
A silhouette portrait of a loved one makes a wonderful keepsake.
Take a large sheet of paper, black on one site and white on the other, and affix it to the wall, white surface outward, by means of pins or tacks or tape. Place a very bright light upon the table, at a proper distance, and allow the person whose portrait it is desired to form to stand between it and the wall. Then, with a pencil, draw the outlines of the shadow projected.
While this is being done, it is very necessary that the subject shall keep perfectly immovable. When the outlines are sketched, remove the paper from the wall and cut out the portrait. After this, all that remains to be done is to turn the portrait over and paste it to a sheet of white paper. The silhouette is profiled in black, and if the operation be skillfully performed, the resemblance will be perfect. --La Nature
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*A small marine fish (Sprattus and other genera) of the herring family, widely caught for food and fish products. Similar to a sardine.