Kuroshitsuji Fan Fiction ❯ Ciel's Music Box ❯ Grenade ( Chapter 1 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Narakus Faithfull Servant 
Anime/Manga: Kuroshitsuji Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 02.18.2012 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.5K | Visits: 270 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Kuroshitsuji Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 02.18.2012 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.5K | Visits: 270 | Status: Work In Progress
Ciels Music Box.
These characters belong to Yana and I own nothing but this plot. The lyrics are owned by Bruno Mars and his company. I make no money from this story.
Grenade (Bruno mars)
Grenade.
Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all
But you never give
Should've known you was trouble
From the first kiss
Had your eyes wide open
Why were they open?
Ciel Phantomhive was walking one of the many long halls in his manor. Something particular was on his mind. Someone. Some… thing. Some….demon. A being with thick black hair and deep red eyes. That eerily feline smile. Those thin arched eyebrows. Those…those… long practiced fingers.
The Earl could remember the first time laying eyes on his new butler. The odd crow had come to him and obeyed his orders. That was back then. Back when Sebastian was a mystery. Back when that demon was fun. When he was nothing but beautiful. Now? Now what was he?
Oh yes, Sebastian was the same as ever. Always a calm butler. Always watching. Always waiting for the next command. But he was not so obedient anymore. Not so quietly contained. Ciel could see it in his eyes. His dark eyes. His hypnotizing… entrancing… lustful eyes. He could see him rallying. Could tell he was tugging, ripping, clawing at the chains that bound him.
And for once in his young life he didn’t have to guess what his butler was thinking. He was hungry. And he wanted freedom.
Ciel placed his hand on one of the banisters as he walked down the main stairway. He was wandering aimlessly. Something he didn’t do often. Barely ever. Almost never. But he allowed himself this small moment of freedom once in a blue moon.
When was the last time Sebastian had truly given him something without asking for anything in return? To see his care as a butler in any form other than what it was would be plain foolish. No. Ciel would not assume the best of Sebastian. He knew he was just performing his duties as the contract ordered him to.
He was only after his Masters soul. That was all he ever wanted. All he desired from the small boy. Ciel glanced to the left as one of the curtains fluttered against the window pane. As much as Sebastian was doing for Ciel, he was stealing more.
‘What else could he possibly want from me?’ Ciel tightened his hold on the cane as he continued down another hall.
Sebastian had taken everything from him. Without the demon he was nothing. And. And. And he knew it. Ciel was not used to thinking these types of thoughts. He was a proud Earl after all. Earl Phantomhive! Son of Vincent and Rachel Phantomhive! He was the Queens watch-dog and ran one of the most successful companies in London.
“Young Master.” Sebastian bowed with his hand at his waist as always. With that ever-smile on his lips and that glimmer in his eyes. That confident and arrogant attitude leaked from his very pores. “I have prepared tea for you in the study. Would you prefer I bring it outside to the gardens? If I may be so bold as to say, Master, your mind seems elsewhere. Some fresh air might help.”
Ciel raised his upper lip in that haughty snarl of his and turned on his heel to head toward his study.
“Learn your place, Sebastian. You are not to speak out of turn.” The young boy had, indeed, been bothered. Angry even. Though he shouldn’t have been.
And with another humble bow and a grin splintering across his lips he replied to the Earl.
“Yes, My Lord.”
[Pre-Chorus:]
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love
Is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand
Is
Ciel wasn’t exactly sure of himself anymore. He was a strong boy. His heart was tough and he could handle any puzzle thrown his way. But there was something he just couldn’t put his finger on. His butler. His demon.
No matter how safe he might fool himself into feeling, he knew he was holding a tiger by the tail. Ciel casually licked his finger and turned one of the pages in the book he was reading. Well. One he was pretending to read. In all actuality he was watching his butler out of the corner of his eye.
All he wanted was for Sebastian to act out. To show some sort of emotion for him that he knew wasn’t expected of him. To care for him without being forced to.
As Ciel began to mull over his thoughts once again he absentmindedly crossed his left leg over his right. This movement jarred his tea cup and his eyebrow twitched in contemplation. Holding his book in his right hand he reached for his cup and slowly moved it toward his lips. He could smell the sweet citrus and cinnamon invading his senses. Feel the steam gently playing with his cheeks. It was then that his hand “faltered” and the freshly filled tea cup toppled down towards Ciels legs.
Burning liquid sprayed over his thighs and dripped past his knees. Down to his calves. To his shoes. Towards the carpet.
“Ah!”
To say he was annoyed was an understatement. Sebastian was immediately by his side to pamper his master and clean the mess.
“Young Master, is everything alright?” Sebastian pulled a napkin from inside his coat and slowly ran it over Ciel’s shin. The napkin was soft against the boy’s skin and for a quiet moment he just sat there and let his butler take care of him before shrugging him off and standing up. He set his book on the table and clenched his fists.
“I’m fine, Sebastian. I need a change of clothes.” Ciel glanced down at his butler as he sat there on his knees looking right back up at him.
They remained there for a few minutes. Neither one of them saying anything. Neither one of them needing to. He just needed to know. He just had to know. To know if Sebastian would care for him. Would show concern if his skin had become burnt. If his eyes became too tired. If his heart became too weak.
Sebastian smiled up at his lord as he watched him lose himself in his thoughts again. He knew exactly what was on his Masters mind and he wanted nothing to do with it. In fact, he loved the smell of suffering that poured off of him in waves. Ciel didn’t know it yet, but Sebastian did. He was in love and the demon had no desire to fan the hot coals. All he wanted was to taint his soul and add a deeper flavour to it. A dark flavour that would coat his tongue. That tickled between his eyes. That tasted like the deep colour in Ciels irises.
“Understood.” And with that, Sebastian began to exit the study and walk with the Earl down the hall to get a change of clothes.
[Chorus:]
I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
The Earl wandered down the hall toward his room. His butler was following him. Always following. Always watching. Always waiting. A knot was forming in the pit of his gut. Sebastian had failed his test. He had not shown general concern for him. It was false. Just a lie. A white one at best. Maybe… maybe not a lie. His butler never lied to him. Not once. He never promised he would care for Ciel. He would only do as a butler would. Only ensure his safety. Only because he had to. Not because he wanted to.
What would Sebastian do if he found out? Found out his sticky tar covered secret? That he was caring for his butler? That he would do more than he should for a servant?
Ciel watched as his butler undressed him. There was nothing unusual about this. No hidden agendas. No lasting touches. No lust coming out from under the bed. This was just Sebastian. This was just Ciel. This was just Sebastian pulling the child’s shorts past his knees. Down. Down below his ankles to rest in a hamper near by.
Though the boy was thirteen, he was an infant compared to this millennia old monster. Ciel sat barren on his bed. The last of his clothes removed with his trousers not a moment before. Sebastian turned around to pick out a suitable outfit for his Earl as though it were the beginning of the day for them.
“What would suit you today, Bocchan?” The butler fingered each garment tenderly; unsure of what Ciel would like to wear.
“Green. I wish to wear something green.” And with that, his butler pulled out his Masters green attire.
No, no, no, no
Ciel would never accept what his heart was telling him. He couldn’t!
No.
A demon was never to be trusted. Yet here he was. In his room. Turning down his bed for the night.
No.
The day had gone by so fast. Wasn’t it only a minute ago he was being changed into his new clothes?
No.
And that was it. Sebastian had bid his Master goodnight. Ciel was tucked in for the night and was lying on his back. Both his eyes staring at the figure walking out of the door. He was leaving the room? Would Sebastian stay if he didn’t ask him to?
No.
Black, black, black and blue
Beat me 'til I'm numb
Tell the devil I said "Hey" when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman
That's just what you are
Yeah, you smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car
Ciel rarely had nightmares anymore. But when he did, they rattled him. They poisoned his core. His butler was standing there in all his demonic glory. Eyes pink and ablaze. Fangs razor sharp.
Thwack!
Another blow to the side of Ciels head. How long could he keep this up? Cuts between his thighs. Red fire down his legs. On the back of his knees. Underneath his toe nails. Snipped webbing between his toes.
What could he do? Nothing. There was no sense in running from a demon. Especially one with whom you have a contract with.
‘He will always find me. I can’t get away.’
Plink!
And another one of his teeth fell to the floor. Blood spewed forth from his gullet. How much had he swallowed? Chunks of his dinner lingered on his hips and down his bare chest.
‘It’s like I don’t have any feelings anymore. Have I gone completely numb? Is this Hell?’
A low chuckle came from the demon in front of him and Sebastian used his long tongue to wrap around one of Ciels left toes and slither down the sole.
“You’re more beautiful than ever.”
Ciel woke with a start. His chest was heaving and his hair was matted to his head. Those final words echoed between his ears as the dream voice faded. Had he said it? Had Sebastian said it? They flowed down into the back of his mind to where the voice was completely unrecognizable and even the dream began to fade as he realized he was safe in his own bed.
It was then that Sebastian quietly knocked and entered his Masters room. Ciel immediately sat up.
“Bocchan. Is everything alright?” The demons eyebrows furrowed. Concern? Faux sympathy.
“Yes. Just a nightmare.”
“I had thought we disposed of your night terrors long ago but clearly the Young Master still has doubts about me. Or perhaps he reads too many frightening books before it is time to rest?” Sebastian lightly teased Ciel in only the way he could.
“Tch. I’m not a child.” He closed his eyes and turned his head from Sebastian.
“You will always be young to me.” When had the butler gotten so close? Close enough to touch him. Close enough to tilt his head up and make Ciel look him directly in the eyes. “There is nothing in this house that could ever pull you from me. We are bound together…” The demon ran his hand up the side of Ciels face and rested it on the right side. The right side. Next to his eye. His mark was blazing. “until this contract is finished. I will follow you into the bowels of Hell if I need to. Not even God himself could tare you from me. Remember that….Young Master.”
Ciel had no words for him. He just watched as Sebastian, again, walked to the doorway and left. Not before leaving a coy smile for Ciel to mull over while he was trying to fall back into a fitless slumber.
‘Was… was that a warning? A promise? Perhaps both.”
[Pre-Chorus:]
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love
Is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand
Is
It was another quiet afternoon at The Phantomhive Mansion. Morning had gone by fast for Ciel. Sebastian had awoken him from a deep sleep and he dressed per usual. He had breakfast and filed a few reports. Signed papers. Had an early meeting. Nothing interesting to speak of. But his mind. His mind was so rattled. He almost had missed everything his client had said over tea. Not that he was important in the first place. No. Not at all. But Ciel had to at least pretend. And he wasn’t doing a good job at it.
Ciel had taken his butlers advice from yesterday and decided to take a stroll in the garden. White roses were in bloom and he could see Finny off in the distance trimming bushes and de-weeding various areas as he went about his duties.
Earl Phantomhive sat down in one of the chairs he had put out into the garden for just such an occasion. His cane rested on one of the chairs next to him and he allowed his chin to sit on his hand as he looked over at his mansion.
‘We are bound together until this contract is finished.’ Sebastian’s words danced in his mind. Ciel lifted his head and thumbed his ring. ‘What is he really trying to say?’
Yellow birds pranced on the table and pecked at a twig. One ruffled its body and dust spread around its feathers. Ciel narrowed his eye, and watched as one of the downy fluffs flew up and then landed on the cuff of his coat.
‘I didn’t ask him to stay with me last night. Would he stand by me in the garden even if I didn’t ask him to?’
“You must be hungry. Would my Young Master enjoy a snack at this hour?” The butler set a cup of tea on the table and then proceeded to set, in front of the Earl, a small dish of Blancmange.* Not one of Sebastian’s best, but he could tell Ciel needed something simple this day. “You didn’t touch much of your breakfast this morning and, although I don’t wish for you to spoil your dinner, I believe you would benefit from having a little something in your stomach. I’m told sweets may perk up a human’s spirit when they are feeling down.”
“I am a little hungry.” Ciel picked up a spoonful and began to enjoy his dessert. It was sweet and cool and slid down his throat in the most pleasant of ways. “Sebastian…”
“Yes, My Lord?” The demon had his back turned to him as he checked the tea pot. Absentmindedly he thumbed a lace doily and removed invisible specks of dirt as he waited for Ciel to continue.
‘Do I ask him to stay here? I’ve asked him to stay with me at night before; I don’t see what’s so different about asking him to stay now or even last night.’
“Nothing. Carry on.” Ciel waved his hand at his servant. Dismissing him as though he were a fly.
“As you wish.” And Sebastian turned to stand by Ciels side to wait for the boy to finish his snack.
When Ciel set his spoon down on the plate, his servant picked up the dishes and set them on the cart.
“Now. If you’ll excuse me, I must attend to other matters and prepare for dinner later in the evening.”
“Tch.” The only outward expression that Ciel was annoyed. Yes. His back was taught. Yes his hands were clenched into fists. Yes. His eyes were closed and his brow was creased. But he would not ask Sebastian to stay. He would never show his weakness.
“Is there something you wish to say? I can most assuredly see that something is bothering you. How could I rid you of your ailment, Bocchan?”
“Have I not told you before to hold your tongue? These matters don’t concern a servant.”
Sebastian smiled and slowly pushed the cart past Ciel, but not before stopping right behind his chair.
“One would think that The Earl would be kinder to those he is fond of.” And with that he was gone. As if he wasn’t even there before. Just a ghost. Nothing more.
[Chorus:]
I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on the blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
Ciel was in shock and couldn’t concentrate on anything the rest of the day. His dinner was barely touched and he was unresponsive during his bath. His servant did not comment. He knew better than to “speak out of turn”.
His Master was in bed and curled up under the covers.
“Goodnight, Bocchan.” Sebastian stood at the doorway and had a thought to stay in the room to make sure that Ciel was truly fine. But he squelched the idea. Pressed it beneath his foot. Extinguished it from the fire in his mind. Ciel was a grown boy, right? He could handle himself. After all, he was the one who said he was not a child.
Dreams did not come to Ciel. His mind was too wrapped around the fact that his butler might know what had been going on inside his heart. He laid there under the covers. Sweat rolling down the back of his neck. It was too hot for the blanket he was snuggled up in.
‘Exactly how smart is Sebastian? I imagine he is wise beyond my comprehension but still he doesn’t seem to understand humans that well. He still doesn’t even comprehend our sense of taste. Hm.’
His eyes shifted between his eyelids as he imagined various situations that he and his butler had been in. Various situations in which they could be in. Various situations in which he wished they would be in.
[Bridge:]
If my body was on fire
You would watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you're a liar
Cause you never ever ever did, baby
He tossed and turned beneath that heavy blanket of his. It was almost soaked through. The sheets clung to his skin and no amount of thrusting, rolling, or kicking could get them off. Suffocating, tightening, hot and sticky. There was nothing Ciel could do in his sleep that would relieve him of his terror. Mumbling half sentences and whole fabrications, he rolled to the side of the bed having no idea how close to the edge he was.
Ciel squirmed as one of the blankets stuck to the back of his knee as he searched for a cool spot on the bed. Sebastian calmly walked into the room when he could hear his master’s night-fit.
Candelabra gently clutched in hand, he dutifully approached Ciels bed. Gloved fingertips gently rested on his Masters shoulder. When he didn’t stir, Sebastian spoke.
“Young Master? Young Master, you are about to fall off the edge of the bed. Surely you will get a nasty bump.”
Still. No response. Nothing but shivering and pools of sweat in the spots Ciel had lain. The butler placed his hand a little more firm on the Earls shoulder. When he, again, didn’t stir, he shook him. Lightly. At first. At first he wasn’t concerned. At first Ciel was just having a bad dream.
“Young Master. Young Master! You need to wake up now.”
Sebastian shook Ciel. His whole body leaning down, the candelabra close to his face. No. Sebastian wasn’t thinking. He had no idea when his Master would awaken. Or that it would be in the face of fire.
Ciels eyes opened and all he could see was fire. All that he could think of was that he had to leave. Was his house burning down? Where was Sebastian? Had he abandoned him? Left him for dead? To burn up in these horrid flames?
“Sebastian!” The Earl squirmed in his blankets and his legs fell off of the side but his butler put what he was holding onto the table and grabbed Ciel before he could fall off of the bed.
“I told you, you were going to fall off if you did not wake up, did I not?”
Ciel still wasn’t exactly sure where he was or who he was. The thought of fire still in the front of his mind. He wiggled slightly and his butler put him back on the mattress. It was then that the young master had noticed the large sweat spots all over the bed.
“Disgusting. How could you let me sleep like this?”
“My lord, I tried my best to wake you, but you remained asleep.”
Ciel pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs like he was ought to do when he felt vulnerable.
“When I saw the fire, I thought the house was burning down again.”
“Yes, Bocchan, I know. It was my carelessness that allowed that to happen. I was not think-“ Ciel cut him off.
“I was convinced you had left me here to burn.” Sebastian’s brow furrowed.
“Then why did you call out for me?”
“I knew… if you had decided to leave me that perhaps… you would decide to come back. You said that not even God could tare me away from you. I-” This time it was Sebastians turn to cut him off. Even though it was quite rude and, perhaps, unfit for a butler to do, it was necessary.
“And I was not lying. I don’t lie like you humans do. You know that. I have never lied to you and I never will. Now…” Sebastian stuck his hand out for Ciel to take so he could remove the sheets and replace them with new ones. “Let us get you prepared for bed once more.”
[Chorus:]
But, darling, I'd still catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on the blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
As Ciel cut into his sunny side up egg, he could tell something was off. Just the way his butler was moving that day. Maybe it was the long stride in his step or the way his hands ran over the spines of the books in his room but he knew. He knew.
Sebastian glanced over at his Master and grinned. That sweet almost blueberry smell. It piled up on the top of Ciels head and toppled over to the ground. It crawled across the carpet on crippled wrists. Dug its dagger fingernails into Sebastian’s leg and made love to his taste buds; almost there. Barely a claws strike away.
He knew. Oh yes, he knew. Sebastian could tell from a mile away. He knew this day would come. Knew the child would fall for him. He was a demon after all. Master of gluttony. King of pride. Captain of Sloth. Patriarch of wrath. Commander of envy. Overseer of greed. Chief of lust. How could he not make Ciel fall for him? It was just in his nature.
The butler had no need for his young Master other than his soul. And all he wanted was to taint him; to torture him. Make his veins scream. He had the faintest idea that Ciel would even go out of his way for him. It would be beneath him to ask of such a thing. But to put him in such a situation by a well thought out accident? That sounded completely acceptable.
Though he could allow no harm to him, he would certainly have to see how far his infatuation went. He did have to be careful, though. He knew all too well that when a human slipped into depression they were better off just laid to waste. While it added a delicious spice to his soul, it would become trash should it overpower the dish.
And that’s what he decided. He would test Ciel. Gently push him. Coerce him into love. Make him a puppet and he… the puppeteer.
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes I would die for you baby
But you won't do the same
Sebastian stood in the kitchen rolling out dough. It puffed between his fingers; lingered beneath his fingernails. Clung to his smooth flour tainted skin. His sleeves were pulled up and he was almost elbow-deep in his work. What would he make his young master today?
Something to titillate the senses. Claw at the tendrils around his heart. Chew on the nerves in the back of his mind. Indeed what serendipitous dish should he thrust upon the Earl in the late afternoon?
Setting the bread dough he was going to use for dinner to the side he began to clean up his mess. Sebastian put his bread-to-be in a bowl and covered it with a flour-dusted cloth. He began to pick up his measuring utensils when he heard a bell ring.
“Ah. I wonder what my Young Master could want at this hour.” And in the blink of an eye the kitchen was clean. Not a single thing missing. Not a single thing left out. “A place for everything and everything in its place.”
Ciel sat back in his chair and glanced over at Sebastian as he entered.
“Sebastian.”
“Yes, Bocchan?”
Ciel crossed one leg over the other as he was ought to do in these types of situations. Seeing that The Queens watch dog was being quiet today he crept closer to the boy. He was so close. He was so close. So close. Stood right beside him. The butler bent down; almost touching cheek to cheek. Just a hairs breath away.
“What could I do for you?” The butlers smile plastered on his smooth, sculpted lips.
“I want something light for dinner tonight.”
“I would love nothing more than to prepare something you would take delight in during the evening. Is this all you wished to say?” Sebastian had become cross. What reason could he have to tell him this so early in the morning? There must be something else on his mind.
“Yes. You are free to go about your duties.” He waved his hand toward Sebastian as he turned to look out a window.
“Of course, Young Master.”
And this time it was Ciel who was angry. Why indeed had he called the butler upstairs? Surely Sebastian would have taken the breakfast dishes away without being summoned. Maybe he didn’t have a reason. Maybe he didn’t want a reason.
“How curious.”
No, you won't do the same
You wouldn't do the same
No doubt the day had taken its toll on Ciel already as he signed another document. You wouldn’t expect him to be tired by early afternoon but there he was; hunched over and sullen.
‘Won’t Sebastian be here in a few minutes for tea?’
“Do you feel ill?” The butler waltzed into the room as he often did through different hours to check on his captive.
“Same time as always, I see. You should see Mr. Fallow about my new cane. Wouldn’t it have arrived by now unless something has happened?”
“Do you assume that something did happen? The week is not out yet, Bocchan. Same as always I see.” Sebastian halfheartedly mocked the boy.
“And what is that supposed to mean?” His cheeks were dusted with the tiniest hint of flamingo pink.
“Whatever you wish for it to mean, Young Master.” Sebastian set a tea cup and saucer in front of The Earl.
Ciel frowned and stared into his tea. He could see his reflection and for once in his life, he wished it was someone else staring back at him. Anyone. Anything. Just not his self.
*Blancmange. Basically white pudding! Something you usually doll up with a flower or pink colouring.
Blancmange
Ingredients
2 cups milk
2 egg yolks, beaten
2/3 cup whipping cream
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla essence
2 tbl gelatin dissolved in 2/3 cup cold water
Method
Slowly bring the milk and vanilla essence to the boil then beat in a mixing bowl with the egg yolks. Return to the heat and simmer gently until thickened. Mix in the gelatin mix. Allow to cool slightly then stir into the whipped cream. Pour into a mould and refrigerate until set. Unmould to serve, and decorate with a flower bloom.
Source: Victorian DASH era DOT net SLASH Victorian DASH era DASH authentic DASH dessert DASH recipes SLASH
These characters belong to Yana and I own nothing but this plot. The lyrics are owned by Bruno Mars and his company. I make no money from this story.
Grenade (Bruno mars)
Grenade.
Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all
But you never give
Should've known you was trouble
From the first kiss
Had your eyes wide open
Why were they open?
Ciel Phantomhive was walking one of the many long halls in his manor. Something particular was on his mind. Someone. Some… thing. Some….demon. A being with thick black hair and deep red eyes. That eerily feline smile. Those thin arched eyebrows. Those…those… long practiced fingers.
The Earl could remember the first time laying eyes on his new butler. The odd crow had come to him and obeyed his orders. That was back then. Back when Sebastian was a mystery. Back when that demon was fun. When he was nothing but beautiful. Now? Now what was he?
Oh yes, Sebastian was the same as ever. Always a calm butler. Always watching. Always waiting for the next command. But he was not so obedient anymore. Not so quietly contained. Ciel could see it in his eyes. His dark eyes. His hypnotizing… entrancing… lustful eyes. He could see him rallying. Could tell he was tugging, ripping, clawing at the chains that bound him.
And for once in his young life he didn’t have to guess what his butler was thinking. He was hungry. And he wanted freedom.
Ciel placed his hand on one of the banisters as he walked down the main stairway. He was wandering aimlessly. Something he didn’t do often. Barely ever. Almost never. But he allowed himself this small moment of freedom once in a blue moon.
When was the last time Sebastian had truly given him something without asking for anything in return? To see his care as a butler in any form other than what it was would be plain foolish. No. Ciel would not assume the best of Sebastian. He knew he was just performing his duties as the contract ordered him to.
He was only after his Masters soul. That was all he ever wanted. All he desired from the small boy. Ciel glanced to the left as one of the curtains fluttered against the window pane. As much as Sebastian was doing for Ciel, he was stealing more.
‘What else could he possibly want from me?’ Ciel tightened his hold on the cane as he continued down another hall.
Sebastian had taken everything from him. Without the demon he was nothing. And. And. And he knew it. Ciel was not used to thinking these types of thoughts. He was a proud Earl after all. Earl Phantomhive! Son of Vincent and Rachel Phantomhive! He was the Queens watch-dog and ran one of the most successful companies in London.
“Young Master.” Sebastian bowed with his hand at his waist as always. With that ever-smile on his lips and that glimmer in his eyes. That confident and arrogant attitude leaked from his very pores. “I have prepared tea for you in the study. Would you prefer I bring it outside to the gardens? If I may be so bold as to say, Master, your mind seems elsewhere. Some fresh air might help.”
Ciel raised his upper lip in that haughty snarl of his and turned on his heel to head toward his study.
“Learn your place, Sebastian. You are not to speak out of turn.” The young boy had, indeed, been bothered. Angry even. Though he shouldn’t have been.
And with another humble bow and a grin splintering across his lips he replied to the Earl.
“Yes, My Lord.”
[Pre-Chorus:]
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love
Is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand
Is
Ciel wasn’t exactly sure of himself anymore. He was a strong boy. His heart was tough and he could handle any puzzle thrown his way. But there was something he just couldn’t put his finger on. His butler. His demon.
No matter how safe he might fool himself into feeling, he knew he was holding a tiger by the tail. Ciel casually licked his finger and turned one of the pages in the book he was reading. Well. One he was pretending to read. In all actuality he was watching his butler out of the corner of his eye.
All he wanted was for Sebastian to act out. To show some sort of emotion for him that he knew wasn’t expected of him. To care for him without being forced to.
As Ciel began to mull over his thoughts once again he absentmindedly crossed his left leg over his right. This movement jarred his tea cup and his eyebrow twitched in contemplation. Holding his book in his right hand he reached for his cup and slowly moved it toward his lips. He could smell the sweet citrus and cinnamon invading his senses. Feel the steam gently playing with his cheeks. It was then that his hand “faltered” and the freshly filled tea cup toppled down towards Ciels legs.
Burning liquid sprayed over his thighs and dripped past his knees. Down to his calves. To his shoes. Towards the carpet.
“Ah!”
To say he was annoyed was an understatement. Sebastian was immediately by his side to pamper his master and clean the mess.
“Young Master, is everything alright?” Sebastian pulled a napkin from inside his coat and slowly ran it over Ciel’s shin. The napkin was soft against the boy’s skin and for a quiet moment he just sat there and let his butler take care of him before shrugging him off and standing up. He set his book on the table and clenched his fists.
“I’m fine, Sebastian. I need a change of clothes.” Ciel glanced down at his butler as he sat there on his knees looking right back up at him.
They remained there for a few minutes. Neither one of them saying anything. Neither one of them needing to. He just needed to know. He just had to know. To know if Sebastian would care for him. Would show concern if his skin had become burnt. If his eyes became too tired. If his heart became too weak.
Sebastian smiled up at his lord as he watched him lose himself in his thoughts again. He knew exactly what was on his Masters mind and he wanted nothing to do with it. In fact, he loved the smell of suffering that poured off of him in waves. Ciel didn’t know it yet, but Sebastian did. He was in love and the demon had no desire to fan the hot coals. All he wanted was to taint his soul and add a deeper flavour to it. A dark flavour that would coat his tongue. That tickled between his eyes. That tasted like the deep colour in Ciels irises.
“Understood.” And with that, Sebastian began to exit the study and walk with the Earl down the hall to get a change of clothes.
[Chorus:]
I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
The Earl wandered down the hall toward his room. His butler was following him. Always following. Always watching. Always waiting. A knot was forming in the pit of his gut. Sebastian had failed his test. He had not shown general concern for him. It was false. Just a lie. A white one at best. Maybe… maybe not a lie. His butler never lied to him. Not once. He never promised he would care for Ciel. He would only do as a butler would. Only ensure his safety. Only because he had to. Not because he wanted to.
What would Sebastian do if he found out? Found out his sticky tar covered secret? That he was caring for his butler? That he would do more than he should for a servant?
Ciel watched as his butler undressed him. There was nothing unusual about this. No hidden agendas. No lasting touches. No lust coming out from under the bed. This was just Sebastian. This was just Ciel. This was just Sebastian pulling the child’s shorts past his knees. Down. Down below his ankles to rest in a hamper near by.
Though the boy was thirteen, he was an infant compared to this millennia old monster. Ciel sat barren on his bed. The last of his clothes removed with his trousers not a moment before. Sebastian turned around to pick out a suitable outfit for his Earl as though it were the beginning of the day for them.
“What would suit you today, Bocchan?” The butler fingered each garment tenderly; unsure of what Ciel would like to wear.
“Green. I wish to wear something green.” And with that, his butler pulled out his Masters green attire.
No, no, no, no
Ciel would never accept what his heart was telling him. He couldn’t!
No.
A demon was never to be trusted. Yet here he was. In his room. Turning down his bed for the night.
No.
The day had gone by so fast. Wasn’t it only a minute ago he was being changed into his new clothes?
No.
And that was it. Sebastian had bid his Master goodnight. Ciel was tucked in for the night and was lying on his back. Both his eyes staring at the figure walking out of the door. He was leaving the room? Would Sebastian stay if he didn’t ask him to?
No.
Black, black, black and blue
Beat me 'til I'm numb
Tell the devil I said "Hey" when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman
That's just what you are
Yeah, you smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car
Ciel rarely had nightmares anymore. But when he did, they rattled him. They poisoned his core. His butler was standing there in all his demonic glory. Eyes pink and ablaze. Fangs razor sharp.
Thwack!
Another blow to the side of Ciels head. How long could he keep this up? Cuts between his thighs. Red fire down his legs. On the back of his knees. Underneath his toe nails. Snipped webbing between his toes.
What could he do? Nothing. There was no sense in running from a demon. Especially one with whom you have a contract with.
‘He will always find me. I can’t get away.’
Plink!
And another one of his teeth fell to the floor. Blood spewed forth from his gullet. How much had he swallowed? Chunks of his dinner lingered on his hips and down his bare chest.
‘It’s like I don’t have any feelings anymore. Have I gone completely numb? Is this Hell?’
A low chuckle came from the demon in front of him and Sebastian used his long tongue to wrap around one of Ciels left toes and slither down the sole.
“You’re more beautiful than ever.”
Ciel woke with a start. His chest was heaving and his hair was matted to his head. Those final words echoed between his ears as the dream voice faded. Had he said it? Had Sebastian said it? They flowed down into the back of his mind to where the voice was completely unrecognizable and even the dream began to fade as he realized he was safe in his own bed.
It was then that Sebastian quietly knocked and entered his Masters room. Ciel immediately sat up.
“Bocchan. Is everything alright?” The demons eyebrows furrowed. Concern? Faux sympathy.
“Yes. Just a nightmare.”
“I had thought we disposed of your night terrors long ago but clearly the Young Master still has doubts about me. Or perhaps he reads too many frightening books before it is time to rest?” Sebastian lightly teased Ciel in only the way he could.
“Tch. I’m not a child.” He closed his eyes and turned his head from Sebastian.
“You will always be young to me.” When had the butler gotten so close? Close enough to touch him. Close enough to tilt his head up and make Ciel look him directly in the eyes. “There is nothing in this house that could ever pull you from me. We are bound together…” The demon ran his hand up the side of Ciels face and rested it on the right side. The right side. Next to his eye. His mark was blazing. “until this contract is finished. I will follow you into the bowels of Hell if I need to. Not even God himself could tare you from me. Remember that….Young Master.”
Ciel had no words for him. He just watched as Sebastian, again, walked to the doorway and left. Not before leaving a coy smile for Ciel to mull over while he was trying to fall back into a fitless slumber.
‘Was… was that a warning? A promise? Perhaps both.”
[Pre-Chorus:]
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love
Is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand
Is
It was another quiet afternoon at The Phantomhive Mansion. Morning had gone by fast for Ciel. Sebastian had awoken him from a deep sleep and he dressed per usual. He had breakfast and filed a few reports. Signed papers. Had an early meeting. Nothing interesting to speak of. But his mind. His mind was so rattled. He almost had missed everything his client had said over tea. Not that he was important in the first place. No. Not at all. But Ciel had to at least pretend. And he wasn’t doing a good job at it.
Ciel had taken his butlers advice from yesterday and decided to take a stroll in the garden. White roses were in bloom and he could see Finny off in the distance trimming bushes and de-weeding various areas as he went about his duties.
Earl Phantomhive sat down in one of the chairs he had put out into the garden for just such an occasion. His cane rested on one of the chairs next to him and he allowed his chin to sit on his hand as he looked over at his mansion.
‘We are bound together until this contract is finished.’ Sebastian’s words danced in his mind. Ciel lifted his head and thumbed his ring. ‘What is he really trying to say?’
Yellow birds pranced on the table and pecked at a twig. One ruffled its body and dust spread around its feathers. Ciel narrowed his eye, and watched as one of the downy fluffs flew up and then landed on the cuff of his coat.
‘I didn’t ask him to stay with me last night. Would he stand by me in the garden even if I didn’t ask him to?’
“You must be hungry. Would my Young Master enjoy a snack at this hour?” The butler set a cup of tea on the table and then proceeded to set, in front of the Earl, a small dish of Blancmange.* Not one of Sebastian’s best, but he could tell Ciel needed something simple this day. “You didn’t touch much of your breakfast this morning and, although I don’t wish for you to spoil your dinner, I believe you would benefit from having a little something in your stomach. I’m told sweets may perk up a human’s spirit when they are feeling down.”
“I am a little hungry.” Ciel picked up a spoonful and began to enjoy his dessert. It was sweet and cool and slid down his throat in the most pleasant of ways. “Sebastian…”
“Yes, My Lord?” The demon had his back turned to him as he checked the tea pot. Absentmindedly he thumbed a lace doily and removed invisible specks of dirt as he waited for Ciel to continue.
‘Do I ask him to stay here? I’ve asked him to stay with me at night before; I don’t see what’s so different about asking him to stay now or even last night.’
“Nothing. Carry on.” Ciel waved his hand at his servant. Dismissing him as though he were a fly.
“As you wish.” And Sebastian turned to stand by Ciels side to wait for the boy to finish his snack.
When Ciel set his spoon down on the plate, his servant picked up the dishes and set them on the cart.
“Now. If you’ll excuse me, I must attend to other matters and prepare for dinner later in the evening.”
“Tch.” The only outward expression that Ciel was annoyed. Yes. His back was taught. Yes his hands were clenched into fists. Yes. His eyes were closed and his brow was creased. But he would not ask Sebastian to stay. He would never show his weakness.
“Is there something you wish to say? I can most assuredly see that something is bothering you. How could I rid you of your ailment, Bocchan?”
“Have I not told you before to hold your tongue? These matters don’t concern a servant.”
Sebastian smiled and slowly pushed the cart past Ciel, but not before stopping right behind his chair.
“One would think that The Earl would be kinder to those he is fond of.” And with that he was gone. As if he wasn’t even there before. Just a ghost. Nothing more.
[Chorus:]
I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on the blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
Ciel was in shock and couldn’t concentrate on anything the rest of the day. His dinner was barely touched and he was unresponsive during his bath. His servant did not comment. He knew better than to “speak out of turn”.
His Master was in bed and curled up under the covers.
“Goodnight, Bocchan.” Sebastian stood at the doorway and had a thought to stay in the room to make sure that Ciel was truly fine. But he squelched the idea. Pressed it beneath his foot. Extinguished it from the fire in his mind. Ciel was a grown boy, right? He could handle himself. After all, he was the one who said he was not a child.
Dreams did not come to Ciel. His mind was too wrapped around the fact that his butler might know what had been going on inside his heart. He laid there under the covers. Sweat rolling down the back of his neck. It was too hot for the blanket he was snuggled up in.
‘Exactly how smart is Sebastian? I imagine he is wise beyond my comprehension but still he doesn’t seem to understand humans that well. He still doesn’t even comprehend our sense of taste. Hm.’
His eyes shifted between his eyelids as he imagined various situations that he and his butler had been in. Various situations in which they could be in. Various situations in which he wished they would be in.
[Bridge:]
If my body was on fire
You would watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you're a liar
Cause you never ever ever did, baby
He tossed and turned beneath that heavy blanket of his. It was almost soaked through. The sheets clung to his skin and no amount of thrusting, rolling, or kicking could get them off. Suffocating, tightening, hot and sticky. There was nothing Ciel could do in his sleep that would relieve him of his terror. Mumbling half sentences and whole fabrications, he rolled to the side of the bed having no idea how close to the edge he was.
Ciel squirmed as one of the blankets stuck to the back of his knee as he searched for a cool spot on the bed. Sebastian calmly walked into the room when he could hear his master’s night-fit.
Candelabra gently clutched in hand, he dutifully approached Ciels bed. Gloved fingertips gently rested on his Masters shoulder. When he didn’t stir, Sebastian spoke.
“Young Master? Young Master, you are about to fall off the edge of the bed. Surely you will get a nasty bump.”
Still. No response. Nothing but shivering and pools of sweat in the spots Ciel had lain. The butler placed his hand a little more firm on the Earls shoulder. When he, again, didn’t stir, he shook him. Lightly. At first. At first he wasn’t concerned. At first Ciel was just having a bad dream.
“Young Master. Young Master! You need to wake up now.”
Sebastian shook Ciel. His whole body leaning down, the candelabra close to his face. No. Sebastian wasn’t thinking. He had no idea when his Master would awaken. Or that it would be in the face of fire.
Ciels eyes opened and all he could see was fire. All that he could think of was that he had to leave. Was his house burning down? Where was Sebastian? Had he abandoned him? Left him for dead? To burn up in these horrid flames?
“Sebastian!” The Earl squirmed in his blankets and his legs fell off of the side but his butler put what he was holding onto the table and grabbed Ciel before he could fall off of the bed.
“I told you, you were going to fall off if you did not wake up, did I not?”
Ciel still wasn’t exactly sure where he was or who he was. The thought of fire still in the front of his mind. He wiggled slightly and his butler put him back on the mattress. It was then that the young master had noticed the large sweat spots all over the bed.
“Disgusting. How could you let me sleep like this?”
“My lord, I tried my best to wake you, but you remained asleep.”
Ciel pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs like he was ought to do when he felt vulnerable.
“When I saw the fire, I thought the house was burning down again.”
“Yes, Bocchan, I know. It was my carelessness that allowed that to happen. I was not think-“ Ciel cut him off.
“I was convinced you had left me here to burn.” Sebastian’s brow furrowed.
“Then why did you call out for me?”
“I knew… if you had decided to leave me that perhaps… you would decide to come back. You said that not even God could tare me away from you. I-” This time it was Sebastians turn to cut him off. Even though it was quite rude and, perhaps, unfit for a butler to do, it was necessary.
“And I was not lying. I don’t lie like you humans do. You know that. I have never lied to you and I never will. Now…” Sebastian stuck his hand out for Ciel to take so he could remove the sheets and replace them with new ones. “Let us get you prepared for bed once more.”
[Chorus:]
But, darling, I'd still catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on the blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
As Ciel cut into his sunny side up egg, he could tell something was off. Just the way his butler was moving that day. Maybe it was the long stride in his step or the way his hands ran over the spines of the books in his room but he knew. He knew.
Sebastian glanced over at his Master and grinned. That sweet almost blueberry smell. It piled up on the top of Ciels head and toppled over to the ground. It crawled across the carpet on crippled wrists. Dug its dagger fingernails into Sebastian’s leg and made love to his taste buds; almost there. Barely a claws strike away.
He knew. Oh yes, he knew. Sebastian could tell from a mile away. He knew this day would come. Knew the child would fall for him. He was a demon after all. Master of gluttony. King of pride. Captain of Sloth. Patriarch of wrath. Commander of envy. Overseer of greed. Chief of lust. How could he not make Ciel fall for him? It was just in his nature.
The butler had no need for his young Master other than his soul. And all he wanted was to taint him; to torture him. Make his veins scream. He had the faintest idea that Ciel would even go out of his way for him. It would be beneath him to ask of such a thing. But to put him in such a situation by a well thought out accident? That sounded completely acceptable.
Though he could allow no harm to him, he would certainly have to see how far his infatuation went. He did have to be careful, though. He knew all too well that when a human slipped into depression they were better off just laid to waste. While it added a delicious spice to his soul, it would become trash should it overpower the dish.
And that’s what he decided. He would test Ciel. Gently push him. Coerce him into love. Make him a puppet and he… the puppeteer.
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes I would die for you baby
But you won't do the same
Sebastian stood in the kitchen rolling out dough. It puffed between his fingers; lingered beneath his fingernails. Clung to his smooth flour tainted skin. His sleeves were pulled up and he was almost elbow-deep in his work. What would he make his young master today?
Something to titillate the senses. Claw at the tendrils around his heart. Chew on the nerves in the back of his mind. Indeed what serendipitous dish should he thrust upon the Earl in the late afternoon?
Setting the bread dough he was going to use for dinner to the side he began to clean up his mess. Sebastian put his bread-to-be in a bowl and covered it with a flour-dusted cloth. He began to pick up his measuring utensils when he heard a bell ring.
“Ah. I wonder what my Young Master could want at this hour.” And in the blink of an eye the kitchen was clean. Not a single thing missing. Not a single thing left out. “A place for everything and everything in its place.”
Ciel sat back in his chair and glanced over at Sebastian as he entered.
“Sebastian.”
“Yes, Bocchan?”
Ciel crossed one leg over the other as he was ought to do in these types of situations. Seeing that The Queens watch dog was being quiet today he crept closer to the boy. He was so close. He was so close. So close. Stood right beside him. The butler bent down; almost touching cheek to cheek. Just a hairs breath away.
“What could I do for you?” The butlers smile plastered on his smooth, sculpted lips.
“I want something light for dinner tonight.”
“I would love nothing more than to prepare something you would take delight in during the evening. Is this all you wished to say?” Sebastian had become cross. What reason could he have to tell him this so early in the morning? There must be something else on his mind.
“Yes. You are free to go about your duties.” He waved his hand toward Sebastian as he turned to look out a window.
“Of course, Young Master.”
And this time it was Ciel who was angry. Why indeed had he called the butler upstairs? Surely Sebastian would have taken the breakfast dishes away without being summoned. Maybe he didn’t have a reason. Maybe he didn’t want a reason.
“How curious.”
No, you won't do the same
You wouldn't do the same
No doubt the day had taken its toll on Ciel already as he signed another document. You wouldn’t expect him to be tired by early afternoon but there he was; hunched over and sullen.
‘Won’t Sebastian be here in a few minutes for tea?’
“Do you feel ill?” The butler waltzed into the room as he often did through different hours to check on his captive.
“Same time as always, I see. You should see Mr. Fallow about my new cane. Wouldn’t it have arrived by now unless something has happened?”
“Do you assume that something did happen? The week is not out yet, Bocchan. Same as always I see.” Sebastian halfheartedly mocked the boy.
“And what is that supposed to mean?” His cheeks were dusted with the tiniest hint of flamingo pink.
“Whatever you wish for it to mean, Young Master.” Sebastian set a tea cup and saucer in front of The Earl.
Ciel frowned and stared into his tea. He could see his reflection and for once in his life, he wished it was someone else staring back at him. Anyone. Anything. Just not his self.
*Blancmange. Basically white pudding! Something you usually doll up with a flower or pink colouring.
Blancmange
Ingredients
2 cups milk
2 egg yolks, beaten
2/3 cup whipping cream
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla essence
2 tbl gelatin dissolved in 2/3 cup cold water
Method
Slowly bring the milk and vanilla essence to the boil then beat in a mixing bowl with the egg yolks. Return to the heat and simmer gently until thickened. Mix in the gelatin mix. Allow to cool slightly then stir into the whipped cream. Pour into a mould and refrigerate until set. Unmould to serve, and decorate with a flower bloom.
Source: Victorian DASH era DOT net SLASH Victorian DASH era DASH authentic DASH dessert DASH recipes SLASH