Kyou Kara Maou Fan Fiction ❯ Axel ❯ “I Love You” ( Chapter 5 )

Kyou Kara Maou : Axel

 

Summary: Wolfram tells his father about his first love affair, in the dark days after Suzanna Julia died, when Wolfram turned his back on healing and became a soldier. Yuuri appears in later chapters. Side story to The Bedding of Wolfram.

 

Disclaimer: I have no rights to Kyou Kara Maou, of course.

 

Warnings: rated M for mature sexual theme. No spoilers - most of the characters / plot here never appear in the anime.

 

Please review.

 

Update: just cleaning up.

 

Chapter 5 : “I Love You”

 

They settled into a routine after the troop got back to Blood Pledge Castle. Von Dienst focused on rehabilitating the surviving infantry. He bid Wolfram continue with the cavalry majutsu training half-time, and apply himself to his studies and paperwork and court duties the other half-time. The two officers had lunch about once a week alone together, and another lunch meeting a week with Sergeants Griesel and Axel. The elders loved the juniors' majutsu training, and regularly cycled a few infantry through for training. The juniors were enthralled by how their seniors went about taking the demoralized and dejected scraps of the once-proud Bielenfeld Regiment Infantry, and molding them back into a combat-ready force.

 

The lower-class infantry was also fascinatingly different territory from the essentially middle class cavalry. Though Axel's people were lower-class and infantry, his late father's commander kindly bought Axel's way into the cavalry, buying horse and kit to set the boy up in life. As a result, though the best fighter in the unit, Axel was still the weakest horseman. Griesel ordered him to fix that now, and Robair started giving Axel remedial riding lessons.

 

Wolfram had more to learn, but von Dienst preferred that he hit the books and assigned lots of writing - summaries, proposals, plans, and critiques - so Wolfram did most of his learning alone. Axel had less to learn, but none of the skills came from bookwork. He and Griesel spent hours together most days.

 

The ex-lovers didn't refer to their affair. Nor did the troop in Wolfram's hearing. Wolfram did not fraternize with his men. They could have whatever fun together there was to be had, in training together, or in the field. They saw action together often in the near-constant border skirmishes of the troubled times. But in garrison, he met his men on the training field or not at all. Working lunches were held in Wolfram's huge bedroom at Blood Pledge Castle, because von Dienst enjoyed the career visibility. Of course von Dienst was also quartered in the castle, but in a smaller room in a less prestigious wing. Other than that, Wolfram normally spoke with Axel in public, slightly apart from others. It was easier that way in the beginning - one doesn't make love in public, after all. Gradually it just became habit.

 

Wolfram renewed his relationships with Cheri and Gwendal. After the recent separations of Conrad and Wolfram, they took each other for granted a bit less. The difference in age and temperament seemed insuperable when it came to Gwendal and Wolfram becoming friends. But they loved each other nonetheless. Wolfram's respect for Gwendal had grown nearly into hero worship. Gwendal's respect for Wolfram grew slower - he was still a spoiled adolescent, after all - but it was growing. Cheri honored Wolfram's wish not to be treated as a doll any more. Hugs, yes, but the days of playing dress-up were over.

 

For the most part, Wolfram got accustomed all over again to being surrounded by people, yet always alone. He embraced the loneliness rather than fought it. He cultivated his cool image as Bielenfeld's diplomatic liaison. He firmly denied to himself what a bald-faced lie that cold veneer was, atop his mercurial and passionate real self. Von Dienst provided him regular practice at rejecting amorous advances. He let it be known he wasn't interested in men - nor women. He was lonely, but untouchable.

 

Conrad eventually returned from Earth, strangely calm and out of sync with unrestful Shin Makoku, after his long tour of peace. Wolfram leapt at the opportunity to duel him with swords in the castle courtyard one day. He'd gotten much better, Conrad rather rusty, so Wolfram did his lifelong best ever against him, but in the end lost as always. Von Dienst and the sergeants enjoyed the end of the duel, waiting on their lunch meeting. Wolfram led them away without introduction. Half-Mazoku and humans were not welcome in Bielenfeld. Wolfram wasn't sure how von Dienst and Griesel would act.

 

-oOo-

 

Soon after, Wolfram and Conrad were sharing tea in the gardens by Cheri's special plot of flowers. Axel surprised Wolfram by seeking him there. “Weller-kyo, I'd like you to meet my troop sergeant, Axel.”

 

“Honored, sir,” said Axel, shaking hands with Conrad. “We've greatly admired your swordsmanship. Are these… Beautiful Wolfram.” Conrad arched a brow blandly. “Ah, Commander von Bielenfeld's majustu signature, sir. And these blue ones must be Conrad-Stands-Upon-the-Earth.” Both Conrad's brows were up, looking mighty amused.

 

Wolfram stood abruptly - Conrad was just too damned astute. “If you'll excuse us, Weller, I believe Sergeant Axel needs to speak with me about something privately.” And he led Axel briskly to his bedroom. Wolfram crossed his arms and stared out the window.

 

“Did you want something, Sergeant?”

 

“Yes, sir. This is… awkward. I wanted to ask your permission… There's a member of the troop… Well, we've developed feelings for each other. Sir.”

 

“Robair,” Wolfram said, eyes still fixed outside. It wasn't a question. Robair's quiet resentment had long since told him, that his arrival on the scene had interrupted something growing between those two. “Well, do you fancy his prospects as a sergeant? Think you can be fair, neither too lenient nor too harsh with him?”

 

“He's too gentle… Ah, don't get me wrong, trooper Robair is a fine soldier. But, no sir, he's no sergeant. And I believe we can keep it from being disruptive to the troop.”

 

“Agreed. Well, let me know if Griesel or von Dienst takes issue with you. I shan't bring it up with them. Anything else, Sergeant?” Get out of here, Axel. I don't want to think about you with Robair.

 

“Wolfram…” Wolfram shot him a dagger glance for using his personal name, but Axel stood his ground. “I waited, it's been years. I wanted you to find someone first, but… Now at least your brother is back… Wolfram, you have to move on. It hurts to watch, this… travesty of the flame healer turned icicle -“

 

“My personal life is none of your concern! Ensure yours and Robair's are none of mine. Dismissed, Sergeant.”

 

-oOo-

 

Wolfram sat erect in the window embrasure, knees crossed rigidly despite wearing Yuuri's robe, blankets and cuddly throwables thrust harshly aside. “The end,” he asserted icily, glaring at Manfred.

 

Manfred winced. “…More like refusal to permit an end…”

 

“There's nothing left to tell,” Wolfram said in a dead voice, gazing out the window. “There were no problems from Axel and Robair. Conrad eventually told me about him and Yozak. It's not so uncommon, even between officer and enlisted, certainly not between enlisted men. But it was water under the bridge. I'm not Conrad. My aims were different. Axel and Robair were happy together - Robair was a much better match for him.”

 

Manfred frowned in thought. “How do you know that? Did you speak of it, with Axel?”

 

“He told me -“ Wolfram started to dismiss that in the same dead voice, but voice and posture softened as he grew thoughtful. “Soon after Yuuri came… Adelbert kidnapped the Maou from us -“

 

-oOo-

 

“A word, Sergeant?” Wolfram approached Axel in the stables, dawdling over tending his mount with Robair. All the others had left already. Axel nodded to Robair, and he left as well. Wolfram watched until the youth's back retreated out of earshot. “That's gone well for you…”

 

Axel cocked an eyebrow. “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

 

“Adelbert humiliated us out there,” complained Wolfram. “He was right, we need to add a couple houjutsu-immune members. Know any? Or do you think I should go through von Trondheim?” He dug some sugar out of his pocket, left over from his own horse, and began helping to curry Axel's. It was alright - consulting with his sergeant wasn't fraternizing unduly, and Wolfram loved petting horses.

 

Axel shook his head. “Probably best to go through von Trondheim. Though you could try Weller first. Anyone from the Lutenberg Legion would work, but I'm not sure they'd fit in. Mazoku counter-houjutsu specialists would be better.” He smiled. “Your von Dienst training is showing, sir.”

 

“Is it? Good,” Wolfram replied, pleased. Von Dienst and Griesel had returned to Bielenfeld long since, the peace returning the infantry to reserves. Wolfram had given his troop the choice, to stay on as Wolfram's private troop, or go home. Some left - he'd lately heard Mikka's wife was expecting their first child. And occasionally Great-Uncle Lord Friedrich sent along a new recruit.

 

“The men are all talking about your engagement to the Maou, sir. Quite a story! Congratulations.” Axel looked at him searchingly. “He was impressive out there. You were… fiery. Are you… in love with him, Wolfram?”

 

Emerald eye met hazel sharply, but Wolfram didn't bridle. “…That's… a farce, really. I don't know if anything will come of it. I don't think he's attracted to men. Hell, he's too young to be engaged. And he's a wimp! Did you see how opposed he was to fighting? Or even punishing a criminal?” Though he spoke harshly, Wolfram looked a bit wistful, and laid his forehead along the horse's nose. “Seems kinda doomed.”

 

Axel grinned. “Oh, I don't know. Seems to me the two of you could make a good team, compensate for each other. A fiery man of the mind and a soothing man of the heart. You don't see that so often, a man who leads from his heart.”

 

I see it all the time, in you. “Reminds me of someone, Axel.”

 

“You calling me a wimp, Wolfram?” They both laughed. “As for the rest… When you put your mind to it, nothing can stand in your way. The bishounen smile comes to mind… You'll dazzle him with your brilliance and beauty, by and by.”

 

“Brilliance and beauty…” Wolfram scowled, and continued plaintively, “Do I need to lose my looks for people to take me seriously?”

 

“No way. Your contradictions are part of your charm. You distract `em with your beauty and acting skills, and before they know it, you've won the day with your real abilities. If you want him, you'll get him. Wolfram… it's good to see you happy, again. And, don't worry about the troop - just stick with your madcap Maou. I've got you covered.”

 

Wolfram smiled. “Thank you, Axel. It's good to see you and Robair happy, too. Well, I should let you get back to him. I'll speak to von Trondheim tomorrow.”

 

He had touched Axel again. Nothing much - but he clasped the other man's shoulder in passing on the way out of the stable, and Axel returned the clasp with a warm smile.

 

-oOo-

 

Tears were pouring down Wolfram's face. “Oy, Chichiue, why am I crying now?” Manfred declined to comment. Wolfram mopped his face with a towel, and frowned, thinking. “After that… we must have talked lots of times, but… I don't remember anything.” He sobbed again. “I don't remember… the night we were ambushed, or anything before my capture, I don't remember… While I was a hostage, I… Oy, I thought about Yuuri all the time, and Greta… maybe not about Axel…”

 

“That's common with trauma,” Manfred murmured. “Memories leading up to it get lost in the shuffle. During the trauma, most people sort of fixate on something like a lifeline - sounds like Yuuri and Greta in your case.”

 

“…I never told him I loved him,” Wolfram said, tears welling up all over again.

 

“Are you speaking now of Axel? Or… Yuuri?”

 

Wolfram lobbed a stuffed animal at him. “Axel, of course! Yuuri's my fiancé, he should know that.”

 

“I imagine Axel knew it, as well. Nevertheless, here you are, regretting you never said it. Axel and Robair will be born again as age-mates in Bielenfeld, even as lovers again, as the old wives' tales have it. They've moved on. Some gifts can't be paid back, Wolfram, only paid forward. And some things… need to be said, for the sake of the speaking as much as the hearing.”

 

Manfred waited a few minutes, hoping Wolfram could take the next mental leap on his own, debating as parent and teacher and healer whether and where to push. He decided. “Wolfram, I believe you need to tell Yuuri you love him.”

 

Just then, a polite knock preceded Yuuri into the room for lunch. Axel's story hadn't taken that long - Wolfram only needed to remember it all, not tell it all. To his father, he only recounted enough to keep his mind on task, and ask for help here and there. Certainly the intimate parts he kept to himself.

 

Yuuri entered with a smile to set the tone, and promptly noticed that Wolfram had been sobbing his eyes out. “Hello, Wolfram! How are you doing?” he said brightly, searching for clues on his fiancé's mental weather of the day - hour - minute. Greta usually joined them at lunch these days, but Yuuri came alone first to gauge how well Wolfram had fared during the morning session. Some days he'd send for Greta… later.

 

“I'm fine, Yuuri,” Wolfram grumped, blowing his nose. He hated everyone looking at him as a mental case, especially because it was true, and most of all when his mood swings really deserved it.

 

Manfred nodded. “Wolfram made a lot of progress this morning.” Wolfram glowered at him. “In fact. I think we should take the afternoon off. Provided you attend to that one task first. Then… relax your mind, maybe paint, or go for a walk, or whatever you wish. I suspect… some things will start to come clear to you. Provided you attend to that one task first. If you need to wimp out, then by all means, call me back and we`ll spend the afternoon together. Until you're up to it.” Manfred stared him in the eye. “Good, then. Ah, but Yuuri, I believe I'll ask the lovely Greta to lunch with me for a change. Gentlemen.” And with that he hobbled out.

 

“Ah…” Yuuri's fixed smile was growing strained. “Is that alright…?”

 

“Greta's fine, Yuuri,” Wolfram grumbled. “Chichiue doesn't eat children. Greta's not nearly as afraid of him as you are.”

 

Now why didn't that sentence end in `wimp'… “He probably likes Greta better than me. So. Hungry?” asked Yuuri brightly.

 

“Chichiue likes you both fine, because you're important to me. Yuuri… come here.” Wolfram held out his hand. Yuuri hooked a chair over and sat, taking Wolfram's hand in both of his. He dropped the forced smile and searched Wolfram's eyes in concern.

 

“I'm fine, Yuuri. I just… I need to… Oh, hell.” Wolfram buried his face in his other hand a moment, then looked up at Yuuri again. “Yuuri… when I came back… you told me, that you loved me…”

 

Yuuri squeezed his hand and nodded. “I did. I do. I love you, Wolfram.”

 

Wolfram swallowed, nodded. “I… never told you… Nearly from the day we met… I love you, Yuuri.”

 

“Wolfram…” Yuuri stared into Wolfram's green eyes. Slowly his face transformed into an incandescent smile. He rested his forehead briefly on Wolfram's to make sure he was OK with being touched right now, then took him in his arms and kissed him hard, then pressed his lover's head to his shoulder. “Oh, I love you, Wolfram. Thank you…”

 

Wolfram closed his eyes and clasped Yuuri back. Though he flinched a bit from the thought - is it disloyal to compare them? - he couldn't help but contrast the slender boy holding him with the feel of Axel's powerful enfolding arms. But Yuuri… In truth, Yuuri was more powerful than Axel had ever been, stronger in so many ways other than muscle… He'd waffled so long, but now Yuuri had decided that he loved Wolfram, and once Yuuri decided on something, Wolfram could trust his heart utterly and absolutely. Wolfram suddenly relaxed inside, let down a guard he hadn't realized was still there, totally surrendering into Yuuri's embrace. And though Yuuri's boyish form was even less muscular than his own, he felt safe in those arms as he hadn't felt since the days of young childhood. “Yuuri…”

 

“Mm, am I crushing you?” Yuuri let go a little and stroked Wolfram's face, brushed his hair back, traced the jawline. “Oh, yeah! You have the afternoon off! Let's spend it together? Oh - but you had to do something first?”

 

“Ah - you don't need to worry about that.”

 

Yuuri sensed evasion. He traced Wolfram's ear, neck, collarbone with a finger. “What were you dealing with this morning with your father? If it's alright for me to ask.”

 

“Um… Axel. I told him… about my relationship with Axel.” Wolfram blushed. “Not just Axel, the whole troop… thing. Axel and I formed that majutsu troop together. Eventually, I became its officer, Axel the sergeant, but then… we couldn't be lovers anymore. Um, it was all tangled together with… other stuff.”

 

Yuuri's beatific smile disappeared in brief pain. Then his smile started coming back. “You said… Axel was your first lover, right?”

 

“Yeah… My only lover, until you.”

 

“Then… I'm grateful to him.” Yuuri nodded. Wolfram looked at him dubiously. Yuuri shook his head slightly. “No, really. If… if you'd never had a lover before those rapists… But you'd had a man love you, before. And it was good. He was a good lover, right?”

 

“Yeah…” Wolfram blushed deeper. “Very good.”

 

Yuuri nodded emphatically. “Good. Then… It's thanks to him that you can still be my lover. Otherwise… you'd never be able to bear a man touching you again. Right?”

 

“Yuuri…” Wolfram teared up. “You… amaze me. I love you so much.”

 

“When… was this… just before you met me?”

 

“No. No, it was before you were born. It began and ended while Conrad was taking your soul to Earth.”

 

“But… you were studying healing then, weren't you? Under Suzanna Julia.”

 

Wolfram stared at him. “I never told you that.”

 

“The Maou's mirror that time… Ah, I never told you… I went back and talked to Suzanna Julia, and you… It was the day Conrad rode off with the Lutenberg Legion. You gave me a bouquet of Conrad-Stands-Upon-the-Earth and asked me to give them to him.”

 

“That was you? …Yeah, I never studied healing again after Suzanna Julia died. I wanted to fight, instead. I got together with Axel and his squad to study fighting.”

 

“Why, er, what did you break up with him over?”

 

“He broke up with me.” Please don't put this all on me… you're breaking my heart, Axel whispered in memory. “No, that's not fair. It was because of who we chose to be. We wanted to build that troop to heal a rift between Bielenfeld and Shin Makoku after the war. We worked hard for it. I chose… damn, I chose, not Axel… I wanted to be the aristocratic ideal, someone who represented his people in government. I could have just stayed Chichiue's dilettante bastard son, but… I wanted to make a difference, claim my birthright as a von Bielenfeld. But in the end, we couldn't do that and be lovers, too. We chose… to raise our love-child together over being lovers, I guess. It doesn't matter, the love-child's dead now, too.”

 

“Ah, Wolfram? Is there… something I should know about Bielenfeld being at odds with Shin Makoku? Maybe I should go there and talk to them…”

 

Wolfram laughed. “No! No, that's all fine now. All friends again.”

 

“Then… you accomplished what you set out to, didn't you? The love-child didn't die. It… grew up?” Yuuri was losing control of this metaphor. The troop didn't grow up - it died, almost to a man.

 

But Wolfram was impressed. “You know… you're right. Yuuri… come to Bielenfeld with me? Just to visit. Hahaue wrote letters for me to the next of kin, and sent them home with Andrei… Chichiue was going to bring their souls back to Bielenfeld for rebirth, but… I want to do it. Have a memorial with the families and those of us who survived - there are others who went back to Bielenfeld. And I want to bring Axel's things home to his mother, and Robair's and Viel's. I need to face them. And talk to Lord Bielenfeld… But, with you. When I'm stronger. Would that be… alright?”

 

“That would be wonderful,” breathed Yuuri. “You… won't leave me to go back to Bielenfeld to study healing?”

 

“Oh, that!” Wolfram laughed. He realized in surprise that no question remained in his mind on that score. “No, I'm too young to study healing yet.” Yuuri was puzzled - hadn't he already studied healing twenty years ago? - but Wolfram didn't bother to explain. “Yuuri, we have the afternoon free…”

 

“Yes! Shall we go for a ride? Maybe a picnic lunch?”

 

“Make love to me.”

 

“What? Ah… like, all the way? Are you sure about that?”

 

“All the way. I'm really, really sure. I love you, Yuuri. Make love to me.”

 

-oOo-

 

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