Legal Drug Fan Fiction ❯ Sleep on the Couch ❯ Sleep on the Couch ( Chapter 1 )

Stupid drugstore owner.

Stupid perverted, glasses wearing drugstore owner's boyfriend.

Sometimes I regret ever leaving and finding myself in the clutches of these men. Sometimes, I find myself hating everything and wish I could just vanish, that I could just disappear and that my ability to see visions was something made up and fun and games.

But I'm not so lucky.

Being able to see images implanted in objects, emotions running wild and free. I can't do this anymore. I can't do these jobs that Kakei-san wants me to do. I can't take Saiga's playing and teasing. I can't put Rikuo into danger anymore.

All because of something I happened to see last night.

When I fell asleep in the same spot that bastard's been sleeping.

I'm not going to deny liking the dream, I'm not going to deny that it made me hate him, but I will deny that it ever happened! It hasn't happened… yet. I haven't touched him like that, not yet.

I don't know what he was thinking about when he decided to lie down and dream about me like that. Especially when he was sleeping on the couch! I couldn't believe the audacity, the courage, the daring to even think such thoughts about me when I could so very easily find them out.

It was okay for me to think thoughts about him because he couldn't see into my thoughts, he couldn't see into my emotions and determine what it was that I was feeling, I was thinking.

Damnit!

My face is growing warm again as I think about what it was that I saw. Those images, the very thought that I could be his like that… I'm blushing again! Burying my face in the pillows on my face, I try to wipe the thoughts away from my mind.

Kakei once told me that it was very rare to find somebody who had my ability and was still so pure. Saiga told me to be careful when we finally got down to business. Rikuo told me once that he knew I was an idiot, but that he would look out for me because he liked me.

I can never sit on the couch again.

Rikuo dreamed about us having sex. About putting his… in my… about us having sex! On the couch! I can't believe that he would think about me in that way. Of course, he's mentioned to me before, on several jobs, but still, damnit! I thought he was teasing. But apparently he wasn't. Apparently he was being very, very serious in his declarations.

“Stupid bastard,” I can't help but mutter aloud.

Now, not only is the image ingrained in my mind, but I can feel what he felt as he dreamed about it. He dreamed about thrusting into me, about making me scream. He dreamed that I was the one who would submit to him. And gods above did it feel good in his dream.

It's weird really, to know what somebody else imagined fucking you would be like. To know how he thinks about me being really tight, and really vocal in bed. But he doesn't even realize that I'm quiet. I don't make much noise because it would be weird. I don't want him to know that I'm masturbating, so I don't make any noise. I've never made any noise because I don't want anyone to know what I'm doing. It's not their business. It's my own. And I'm the only one who needs to know what I'm doing.

But Rikuo's dream was really hot.

If it hadn't of been me, I would have been really turned on by it.

But what I can say, I'm actually turned on by it right now. I want to feel him from my end now. It would be a unique experience, and if it was emotionally staining enough, I could crawl back to where we'd done it and pull the memories up once more and I would be able to recall what it was like penetrating myself. How many other people would get the chance though?

I inhale quietly and roll onto my back, letting my long fingers trail over my stomach. If that bastard can dream about me, then it's only fair that I get to masturbate to it. Especially since he knows how susceptible I am to other's emotions.

Closing my eyes, I pull the memory up again and it's nice. It starts with Rikuo kissing down my chest. He imagines that I'm smooth, that there aren't any scars. And I wish I could present myself to him that way, but there are scars and my chest is rough with faint hairs, and I think its okay though. He bites at dream Kazahaya's belly button and I can taste what he thinks I would taste like. He wants me to taste salty and fresh, something different, and I'm not really sure what the taste is. It's a new one to me. He nibbles lower and dream Kazahaya is naked, and that's okay, because in Rikuo's mind, I'm anything he wants. I'm not sure how I feel about it in all honesty, but at the moment, it's okay. Rikuo's mind is filled with thoughts that I can only hope, one day, to completely understand. He is full of ideas and beliefs that I could never, in all my desires, hope to understand. He is a mystery to me, and one day, I'll figure him out.

His mouth does something I've never felt before. I don't know what it'll feel like to me, but I know what Rikuo imagines it to be. He imagines that I'll taste salty, and that I'll have that taste that's on your hand after a long day, the sweaty, musky taste that's only possessed by one person. He hums, and I can feel it vibrating around the hard flesh in his mouth. Rikuo doesn't gag, even as he slides the flesh far down his throat, he doesn't make any sound but a muffled approving noise. He liked this, and I'm sure I'll like it too. The Kazahaya he dreams about certainly likes it. He's writhing, fisting his hands in Rikuo's (mine!) dark hair that it's almost impossible to miss the hint that he enjoys it. He's moaning and he's crying out, and it's Rikuo's name on the dream me's lips.

My hand tightens around my hardened flesh, something I never would have thought about doing before. Rikuo's dream haunts me, and I can't help but think about how wonderful it would be if the dream came true. My hand moves languidly, massaging heated flesh while dream Rikuo mimics the movements with his mouth on dream Kazahaya. I've never had anyone put their mouth on my… down there… and it's something I'm really curious about. I would love to know what it feels like. Perhaps one day I'll get up enough courage to ask him about it.

Dream Rikuo moves, and he's pulling his own pants down, letting dream Kazahaya wait in anticipation of what's about to come next. The me he dreams about is panting, his eyes half-lidded, his lips parted, and his face flushed as he moves closer and closer to sexual fulfillment. He is whispering softly, incoherently, and it endears him to Rikuo. Rikuo whispers softly, and I can feel it in my throat, the soft words of promise that make the dream me undulate, writhing on the bed, desperate to get closer to Rikuo.

We murmur a soft, “Hold on a minute. We'll get to the best part in a minute.”

Rikuo looses his pants, why he was the only one wearing pants in his dream, I'll never know, but it's okay. The cool air is shocking against the body and I have to quell the desire to shiver once more. Rikuo doesn't and he's open and exposed to the room now, open to the dream me and he is unashamed of anything. With good cause.

Rikuo wraps a hand around himself, stroking his own flesh to hardness, something he wants the dream me to see. He smirks, and I could feel it on my own face. My head falls back as my hand tightens around myself, mimicking Rikuo's personal hand job. I want to feel somebody else doing this to me. Would it be just as good as Rikuo dreams it will be? I certainly hope so.

And then, without warning, Rikuo is bending forward, taking the dream me's erection back into his mouth and he doesn't stop there. A cool, moist finger plays at dream Kazahaya's entrance, probing, silently asking for entrance. Of course, as it's his dream, it is granted and the dream Kazahaya moans wantonly as a finger slides in deeper. And gods, the heat around my finger. I can't imagine anything more sensual. It's incredible, this feeling of being trapped within this chasm that wants nothing more than to swallow you whole.

A second finger joins and before too much longer, a third finger. Rikuo's arm is moving magic, and the dream Kazahaya is crying out, whimpering and begging and pleading and demanding. And it is really rather enticing. I can see how he wants my face to twist up, how he wants me to move beneath him. And it is hot. I want to see Rikuo's face, how he envisions himself to appear in the midst of all of this.

My fingers wrap tightly around my own erection and I'm so close to my own completion. I moan at the feelings, I whimper and I know I'm being louder than usual in my room. I can only hope that nobody else is around me. I don't want to have to explain myself, stuttering and ignorant like I usually come across.

In Rikuo's dream, he's caressing himself, making himself ready for the next step. The dream Kazahaya is lying in a boneless mess, waiting in anticipation for Rikuo to move, waiting for Rikuo to finish this off. The dream me is clueless about what's to happen next, and as I watch, as I feel Rikuo's dream, I can only hope to feel this one day too. Rikuo holds onto the dream Kazahaya's hips and slides himself deep within his body. A quick, sure movement and it's all I can do to keep from crying out.

Rikuo dreams that I'll be tight, that it'll be so tight that it'll be almost painful. He thinks that it will feel so very good and he just wants to do it all the time, the words are tumbling from his mouth. He's praising me, worshiping my body. And I want nothing else than to enjoy that. As he moves, my own hand moves, each thrust in is accompanied by a downward stroke, each pulling back is accompanied by an upward stroke.

A moan is pulled from my throat and I throw the memory away, forcing it from my mind as white explodes across my mind. I'm coming, and it's so good. It's what I've wanted for a long time, and if only that lumbering bastard had been here, been the one to give it to me.

I lay there, unmoving and uncaring. I don't even want to move. I'm like a ball of dead muscles, stretched out on the bed. I can't move. Ever. It's perfect and one day, they'll find me and I'll have a stupid smile on my face as I'm lying in my bed, eyes closed and covered in my own ejaculate.

A knock on my door and all thoughts escape my mind. I'm blushing, a hot flushing of my skin that'll alert anyone to what it was I was doing. I'm panting, my lips are parted slightly and my eyes are heavy. I don't want to move, I can't move. If I do, I'll lose this euphoric feeling.

“Kazahaya,” Rikuo's deep voice calls into the room. “Don't sleep on the couch!”

Yeah, fair warning, bastard. He could have said something about it before he left. I mean, I worked all night and then I come in and he's on the couch, curled in on himself and smiling stupidly (and now I know why!) and he doesn't say a word. I mean, isn't that a little late.

“Or did you already?” there's a smirk in his voice, something one could only recognize after spending long, long moments with somebody else.

“You're a bastard!” I yell, because I lack the tact that is needed to respond to something like that. It's hard to respond, and I don't care anymore. He's a bastard.

I hate him.

And I want him.

And I don't know how to tell him that.

Closing my eyes, I let myself relax once more on the bed, ignoring the way my body cooled after my climax, I just… I wanted to be curled around somebody. I wanted somebody to hold me, just like in Rikuo's dream.

After he'd finished having sex with the dream me, he had lain down and wrapped his arms around that Kazahaya.

He had held me, and that's really all I want anymore. I just don't know anymore. I can't remember the last time somebody held me, comforted me.

Rikuo holds me a lot. But he doesn't do it because he wants to. He does it because it's part of the job. Because he has to keep me safe so that Kakei doesn't have a fit again. The last time Rikuo had left me out in the night, I never thought I would hear the end of it. Kakei had thrown a fit and raged against Rikuo. Saiga had had to keep him held back, to prevent Kakei from slapping the other boy. Apparently, my talent is very important to them. If for nothing else than my ability to help him complete the jobs he wants done.

I hate him sometimes.

He's more protective of me than anyone else ever has been, but he's so cold to me too. Rikuo is the only person I feel safe using my powers around. And I really don't mind when they activate all on their own. I'm happy with putting aside my defenses when I know that Rikuo is there with me. I know I'll be safe if he's there. He won't let me get hurt, I know he won't. But I'm so scared sometimes, because of the cruel way he has of talking to me.

I'm really something else, aren't I? I can't protect myself, I can't fight for myself, I never learned to stand up for myself. I'm a weak coward from the country, who's emotions are easily read on my sleeve and a notoriously long streak of naivety and there's nothing else I can do. All I can do is use my gift like Kakei-san wants and hope that things work out in the end. I have to hope that Rikuo will be there to protect me. That he won't abandon me like that one time he'd left me behind.

I can't help but wonder what in the world he's up to, when he's contemplating tormenting me, when he's thinking of new and original ways to torment me. I just want to be able to say that we have a normal relationship. I want to say that we get along and that there is nothing wrong with the both of us. I want to say that I really like this lumbering giant of a man and I know that he likes me back and that we're busy trying to find the perfect balance of work and play and everything else.

“Are you okay in there?” Rikuo's voice calls out softly, his voice suspiciously caring.

I want to answer him, to tell him that I'm okay, but I'm afraid to talk. Letting my emotions run amok like I've done, it's been hard on me. I've allowed myself to fall victim to the very things that Rikuo often accuses me of. I'm a wreck and I can't possibly answer him like this.

I roll over and hope that he hears the bed making noises and just assumes I'm asleep. I've been in here alone for a while, haven't I?

I pull the blanket over me, hiding myself and my stains as I hope that Rikuo will go away. Perhaps I can't have him standing beside me like I want him to, but I know I can count on him to support me. I know I can count on him to help me. To catch me when I fall, to keep me in his arms. He's always got some quick jibe to throw my way, some smart response regardless to anything I say. I don't know how I can stand up in the front of him and hope that he will support me. I can't. It's impossible to do, especially if I know that there is something in me that's preventing me from being strong enough to support him.

“Kazahaya?” Rikuo's voice rises in the quiet of the apartment. He knocks again and I know he's going to come in; because that's how he announces he's coming in. He did it when I was far too sick to answer him after finding the fireflies for Kakei-san. “I'm coming in,” he murmurs and opens the door.

I can't turn to look at him. I can't face him, lying in a pool of my own completion, knowing that it was his dream that forced my hand into this. I really don't want to be here. I try to stay still, but I can feel the tension dancing through my body, making me feel so much worse than I was before.

“I know you aren't asleep. Tell me what's bothering you?” Rikuo asks softly.

“Go away you bastard,” I grumble. “I'm trying to sleep here and it's really hard to do when a giant monster is standing over me getting ready to eat me.”

“Do you want me to?” Rikuo asks softly, kneeling beside the bed, facing me.

“Go away,” I murmur, unable to bring myself to look at him. I just know he'll find a way to rub it in my face about what I just did.

“Look at me,” Rikuo orders softly, his voice serious, the mocking gone from his deep voice.

“What?” I ask. I don't bother to turn to look at him, I can't bear to see his face, and I'm far too embarrassed about everything to think about looking at him.

“What's wrong with you?” Rikuo asks softly, looking carefully at me. I can feel the weight of his gaze on me and I know he's waiting to do whatever it takes to make me feel worse about everything that's gone on. And I know that given the opportunity, he'll make me suffer for what he did. He'll make me feel like the fool for falling asleep on the couch, for succumbing to his memories, for not being strong enough to fight them off.

And it's not like there was a lot that I could do. I can't control it, I can't say when I want it to be activated, and I can't say when I want to turn it off.

“You know better you stupid bear,” I growl, knowing that it won't make a lot of sense, but that it's all I'm going to offer him.

“Did you fall asleep on the couch?”

“No. I didn't get a chance too. I was too preoccupied by somebody else's dreams,” I growl, refusing to meet his eyes, refusing to turn to him. I know, I just know that if I do so, it'll be over. He'll know everything. Like he always does, with everything.

He'll know that I dreamt of him, he'll know that I saw his dream; he'll know that I just got off thinking about it. And he'll call me a freak.

It was his dream, it was his fault, but he'll call me the freak. He'll label me the outcast, the weirdo, just because I couldn't stop myself from getting off on that dream. I like what he dreamt about; I like to imagine that he's willing to do that to me.

And it's weird, because I've never thought about him in that way. I mean, I considered it when we were at that school, but I never thought about him being that way, and I never thought about what it would mean if I was with him like that. I want to feel it, I want to know what it would be like, in reality and I'm afraid to admit it.

“Look, I'm sorry about that,” Rikuo murmurs softly.

His voice is quiet and he's apologetic and I just want to forgive him because I know he didn't mean any real harm by it, but I just know that if I let him in, if I tell him what I really want, it'll only serve to make me look like the idiot yet again.

“I… I didn't mean to let you see that. I tried to warn you,” he murmurs softly.

“It was a little too late, don't you think?” I answer as coldly as possible.

“Do you hate me now?” he asks softly. He's prying for information, and I'm proving to him that I'm not as stupid as he thinks I am.

“I don't hate you,” I murmur softly.

“Are you afraid of me, that I'll try to force you…” he trails off and I know what he's implying. It's hanging blatantly in the air.

“No.”

“Then look at me,” he demands.

“I don't want to. I want you to leave.”

“What were you doing in here?” he asks, a smirk dancing in his voice.

“It's none of your business.”

He stands and I can hear the fabric rustling in the quiet of the room.

“Just so you know, it's not weird or anything else. And I won't think you're stupid, because I know you and you'll think I will. And it's not disgusting,” he tells me. “It's okay, and you just have to enjoy these kinds of things. Look at Kakei and Saiga.”

It's quiet and he stands there a long moment before he moves. I can't stop myself from thinking about how easy it would be to just pull him down, let him lie on my bed and confess to him my curiosity and my desire. Let him know that I want nothing more than to get lost in his arms. I want to say all of this out loud, but I stop myself. I don't let it pass my lips because it would be wrong.

Even if he is right and Kakei and Saiga are together, that doesn't mean that things are rosy. It just means that when they are in their little world inside the drugstore, they're happy together. Not everyone outside these doors will agree with that. I just know it.

And every time I touch him, I'll find a memory. And even if it's not every time, I won't forget what I see and what happens if I touch him and I see him thinking about me?

“Be careful, neko-chan,” Rikuo murmurs, fabric rustling around him again.

I clench my eyes closed, waiting for the door to shut. But it doesn't. Instead, when I open my eyes, I see him standing there, hovering over me and smirking. His eyes are filled with something I don't like and as I open my mouth to protest his obnoxiousness, he bends over just a little bit more and my mouth is occupied.

My eyes slide closed and his tongue slides past my open mouth. He laps at my tongue, urging it into life and it's something incredibly weird, but oddly arousing. All I wanted was to fall asleep, but I can't, because Rikuo is kissing me.

Himura Rikuo is kissing me.

And it feels right. My power doesn't activate and I'm not transported to some bloody past that he can't bear to share with me. I'm just a kid, kissing a man I find attractive and it's okay. Because we belong like this. I won't say it, and I know he won't say it.

But we both have to know.

It's going to be so much harder to work with him now.

He pulls away from me, and there is a small smirk on his lips as he moves to the door. He stops, looking back at me in my stunned and silent state before he murmurs, “You're cooking in the morning. Don't be late.”