Lord Of The Rings Fan Fiction ❯ Crazy Archers Invade Middle Earth ❯ Just Missed Them! ( Chapter 2 )

DISCLAIMERS: I do not own LOTR or New Line Cinemas, and I do not own any of the character names, places names, etc. Some joke credit goes to jerry the frog productions .com, Angry Kid videos, and potter puppet pals .com (I believe there's a reference to them somewhere in this story), but most of them came from our minds. Any similarities between these characters and real people (except the people it is about who have full knowledge of it) are completely imagined. Merry and/or Aragorn lovers should take the warning that we make fun of them a bit, but that in reality we love their characters.

PLEASE NOTE: This is not supposed to be serious in any way, shape, or form. I love LOTR, the books AND the movies, and this is NOT supposed to be an accurate representation of Tolkien's or Peter Jackson's work. It's supposed to be a joke! Thank you!

 

CH. 2: Just Missed Them!

 

Aragorn watched the boat carrying the fallen Boromir go slowly over the falls. Legolas pushed another boat towards the river.

 

“Quickly!” he shouted. “Sam and Frodo will have reached the eastern shore!” His last words had barely left his mouth when someone or something screamed, “NOOOO!” from behind a nearby hill. Aragorn and Gimli turned, worry on their faces, and Legolas nocked an arrow.

 

Two horses, or to be specific a horse and a pony, galloped around the hill. The riders were what looked like an elf and a hobbit, both girls and both armed with bows, full quivers, and swords. The elf jumped off her horse as they came closer and held her hands up.

 

“Don't shoot us Legolas!” she cried. “Wait a minute...Legolas!” She ran forward happily and hugged him.

 

“Alatriel! Little help?” called the other girl.

 

“Oh, hold on one sec,” said Alatriel, and ran over to help the shorter girl off her pony.

 

“Where's Pippin?” she asked the second she was on the ground.

 

“Yeah, good question. Where is he?” asked the elf, turning back to the other three.

 

Aragorn, who seemed to be in shock, pointed behind them. The short girl turned wildly as though once again expecting Pippin to pop out of a hole somewhere, but when this didn't happen she turned back around. “You mean...they already...and we missed...NOOOOOOOO!” she cried, several birds flying away from a nearby tree.

 

She continued shouting as the elf looked nervously down at her and took a big step sideways away from her. She looked exasperatedly at the three Fellowship members and shrugged. “Sorry, don't mind her. I'm Alatriel, and the screaming nutcase is Gilraen,” she said. She pointed to the other girl, who was still shouting at the top of her lungs.

 

“Um...hi...” said Aragorn, waving a little.

 

“So, what do we do now?” asked Gimli gruffly, leaning on his ax.

 

Gilraen finally stopped screaming and said, “I say we go after Pippin!”

 

Alatriel nodded. “Yup, that's what comes next!”

 

Aragorn tapped his chin with his finger, and snapped his fingers. “I've got it!” he announced. “Why don't we go after Merry and Pippin!” Everyone stared at him. “What?” he asked, backing away a little.

 

“Um...great idea, Aragorn...” said Alatriel, and shrugged at Gilraen. “Well, lets go!”

 

“Wait!” said Gilraen, and pulled a small box with a black, shiny circle out of her bag.

 

“Yay!” Alatriel clapped her hands and ran over to Legolas. “Ready!” she called, wrapping her arms around the elf.

 

“Aragorn, Gimli, you get in too!” said Gilraen, motioning to them. She pushed a few buttons on the box, put it on a tree stump, and ran over to the rest.

 

“What do we do?” someone asked from the side.

 

“Just smile, Aragorn,” said Alatriel through her teeth. Three beeps came from the box, and a bright flash.

 

“Ok, NOW we're ready to leave,” called Gilraen, and ran over to get the box. Both girls headed over to their horses, but when they looked back at the others, they found that the others were acting quite strangely.

 

Gimli stumbled right into a tree, then tripped over his ax. Aragorn was running wildly around in circles yelling, “My eyes!” Legolas had enough sense to sit on a tree stump and rub his eyes. The two girls rolled their eyes and said, “Camera eyes,” in unison. They ran over to the confused Fellowship members and led them to their horses. “Just follow us as you haven't got horses yet,” Gilraen told them as she and Alatriel mounted their rides.

 

Alatriel grinned and nodded, and shouted, “AWAY WE GO!” Her horse took off in fright, leaving Gilraen with the still-blinded man, elf, and dwarf. She groaned, and kicked her pony into motion. “Ugh, come on guys...”

 

--- --- --- ---

 

Just as they passed out of view of the river, a single boat came drifting lazily down the waters. Its rider was a lone girl, paddling on her own with a tiny oar. She was very small, though so was her boat; she looked about the same size as Gilraen had been. Short black hair fell to just above her shoulders and barely touched the cloak hood hanging down her back. A large pack lay next to her in the boat.

 

Happily, she waved excitedly at a tree. “One hand!” She waved the hand she had removed from the oar. “Wave!” The boat rocked dangerously. “No hands- WHOA!”

 

She had dropped the oar from her other hand, and the boat tipped right over into the river.

Her head broke the water's surface, watching both the boat and her pack float to shore. “Wow, what happened? I tipped over!” Suddenly, she realized she was in the water. “Oh my god, I'm in the water! I'm drowning, look at me drowning! Ahh!” She splashed around, trying to gain footing in the rapidly flowing river.

 

A little ways from the river on the eastern shore, Samwise stopped in his tracks. “Mr. Frodo? I think I hear somethin'.”

 

Ahead of him, Frodo turned. “What is it, Sam?”

 

“Someone's callin' for help I think!” He turned and raced back to the river as fast as his hobbit legs could carry him, closely pursued by Frodo.

 

Frantically, he pointed at the girl flailing about in the water. “There's someone there!” He jumped in the river, pack and all. Frodo watched anxiously from the shoreline.

 

“Calm down!” Sam tried to calm the girl, but she kept screaming she was drowning. “You're not drownin', just look at me and we'll go back to shore!”

 

“NO, I'M DROWNING I'M DROWNING I'M- Sam?” She finally looked up at him, where he was standing in the waist high water. Immediately, she jumped up. “IT'S YOU, IT'S YOU!”

 

“It is?”

 

“YES! I'VE WANTED TO MEET YOU FOREVE- um, I mean, hi!”

 

Before she could start screaming again, Sam dragged her out of the water and over to Frodo. Frodo looked at the girl, who was staring at Sam with huge eyes, as though she was a wraith.

 

“Thanks for saving me…” she said breathlessly.

 

“Well Mr. Frodo, she's all right…”

Frodo nodded, and turned to leave. Sam lagged behind, and looked awkwardly at the girl.

 

“Well, um, bye then!”

 

“No, wait!” She grabbed his arm. Ahead, Frodo stopped as well. “Can I come? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease? I even know what will happen before it happens…” Her eyes shifted back and forth mysteriously.

 

Sam looked questioningly at Frodo, who nodded again. “Yeah, sure, why not. She seems pretty attached to you, anyway.”

 

Indeed, the girl was so attached to Sam that she wouldn't let go of his arm even when he shook it. “Hey, what's your name, anyway?”

 

“Nienna!” She smiled happily, and ran to get her pack from the shoreline.

 

“Well, ok then. Come on, we have to keep moving.”

 

With that, Sam, Frodo, and now Nienna made their way deep into the forest.

 

--- --- --- ---

 

“I'm ti-ired! Can we stop yet?” whined Aragorn. Alatriel grinned and pulled her horse next to Legolas.

 

“You know, if you're tired, you could ride with me on MY horse...”

 

“But I'M the one who's tired!” complained Aragorn.

 

“Hmmm, do I care...nope!” said Alatriel. She looked back at Legolas, but he had gone very still.

 

“Shh,” he hissed. “Horses are coming, from, that way.” He pointed ahead of them. Aragorn looked frantic, and began pulling Gimli and Legolas behind a huge boulder. Gilraen and Alatriel just sat there until the thundering hooves grew louder and Alatriel could hear it too.

 

“Well, I guess we could move now,” she said, moving her horse behind the boulder. Just as Gilraen got behind it, a huge group of horses thundered by. Aragorn jumped up as they passed and yelled after them.

 

“Riders of Rohan! What news from the Mark?”

 

The riders, directed by one in the front, turned and rode back. Everyone (except the horse and pony- the girls had dismounted) came out to stand near Aragorn as the horses surrounded them in a ring. Gilraen looked out from behind Alatriel, who was hiding behind Legolas, and asked, “Do we draw swords yet?” Alatriel shook her head. “Oh, well, how 'bout bows?” Alatriel shook her head frantically, as though that was the last thing she wanted Gilraen to do. One rider dismounted before them.

 

“What business does an elf, a man, a dwarf, another elf, and a...um...very small girl have in the Riddermark?” he asked sternly.

 

“We're looking for Pippin!” said Gilraen happily.

 

“Um, yeah,” said Aragorn. “We track a group of Uruk-hai westward.”

 

“What a stupid helmet,” Alatriel whispered loudly to Gilraen. Someone poked her in the back with a spear, and she whipped around holding her bow with an arrow in a split second. “All right, who dunit?”

 

The rider who had spoken sighed and lifted his helmet off. Gilraen's eyes went very wide. She pointed up at him and screamed, “IT'S MUSTACHE MAN! AHHHHH!” She ran behind Alatriel in a panic and peeked around her as the elf swung back around.

 

“Who're you-oh, wait, never mind...” Alatriel gave a huge embarrassed smile and put her bow back over her quiver. Eomer just stared at her.

 

“Um, some horses would really help us, you know,” Aragorn hinted. “Oh, uh, right,” said Eomer, and motioned for two horses.

 

“Why do I always have to share with someone,” grumbled Gimli.

 

“Shut it, it's because you're so short,” whispered Legolas.

 

“Oh, ok,” said Gimli, and mounted the horse behind Legolas.

---Author's note: And, that's the second chapter! Basically, we just follow them around, messing things up, commenting on stuff, stuff like that. Hopefully it's funny, and if you do like it, review please! Thank you to anyone who did read and like it, and I think that's all of my rambling… That's it until next time!

P.S. I am very open to corrections of names of places or characters, although I might tweak things a little time-wise to make them fit with certain jokes I attempt.