Love Hina Fan Fiction ❯ Wanted: Love Hina ❯ Chapter 1

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Wanted: Love Hina
Alzrius
 
Disclaimer: I am the bearded cow-like sea beast. Coo-coo-ca-choo.
 
Thoughts are in italics.
 
 
 
“Granny Hina just passed away.”
 
Keitaro's eyes widened in shock, his mouth falling open. “Oh my God! That's…I just…God…” He muttered dumbly, looking at the ground in sadness and shock.
 
“Yeah, it's a shame.” Haruka's tone was emotionless as she flicked her cigarette away, not caring that they were inside. She'd asked Keitaro to come with her to the convenience store to help carry some groceries for her teashop. They'd been standing in line waiting to pay for their purchases when Haruka had gotten the call on her cell phone.
 
Exhaling a breath of smoke, Haruka thought about what this meant. With Hina gone, she was now the oldest surviving Urashima; given that Haruka knew exactly what was in Hina's will, which meant she'd have a lot of work to do and not much time to do it. Glancing at her nephew out of the corner of her eye, she noted how he seemed to be on the verge of tears…over the death of an old lady he hadn't really known that well. Haruka's sigh was too soft to be audible - yeah, this was going to take a shit-load of work.
 
We should start with a shock to the system, Haruka decided.
 
Keitaro managed to collect himself enough to look over at Haruka, about to ask how Granny Hina had died, but his breath caught in his throat before he could get the question out. Haruka was reached behind her and, from where it had been tucked into the back of her pants, was withdrawing a gun! Eyes widening, Keitaro opened his mouth to ask just what Haruka was doing…when she put her gun to the back of the head of the guy in front of them, and pulled the trigger.
 
Chaos erupted as the corpse dropped to the ground in a spray of blood. At the sound of the shot, the remaining people in the convenience store, spinning around to see a dead body and a woman holding a gun, began screaming and running for the exit.
 
Not one of them made it.
 
Seemingly without a care in the world, Haruka fired again and again as people tried to dash to the door, which was barely a dozen feet away. Every time her gun rang out, another person hit the floor, a hole blown in them as they twitched and died.
 
All except for the last person, a woman clutching a wailing baby to her chest. Haruka lowered her gun as she fired, taking her down as the bullet tore through her thigh. Amazingly, the downed woman managed to hit the ground on her side, managing to avoid crushing her baby as she fell on a dead body.
 
The entire thing took less than ten seconds.
 
Gaping, Keitaro could only watch in a sort of stunned horror. What was going on??? What was Haruka doing?! This had to be some sort of horrible nightmare!!!
 
Haruka, for her part, calmly walked over to the crying mother as she put her gun in her purse. Rooting around in it for a moment - it was always impossible to find anything in there - she pulled out a second pistol, this one slightly larger than the other.
 
Realizing what she was going to do, Keitaro somehow managed to get himself moving again. Despite the fear that was twisting his stomach into a cord of knots, he managed to gently lay a hand on Haruka's shoulder. “A-Aunt Haruka? P-please…don't do this…” his voice was a squeak, all he could get out in his state of mind-numbing terror and disbelief.
 
Never losing her calm expression, Haruka whirled on Keitaro. Her right hand pressed the muzzle of the gun - a Desert Eagle .50, her favorite kind of handgun - against the lens of Keitaro's glasses, holding it a centimeter away from his eye. Her left hand reached down and grabbed him by the balls, hard. “I'm going to say this exactly once, Keitaro: Shut. The. Fuck. Up.”
 
Not waiting to hear whatever her nephew was going to gibber at her, Haruka let him go and turned to point her gun at the crying woman, who was unsuccessfully trying to crawl away while still holding her baby. Seeing that she was being targeted again, the woman's simpering picked up in volume. “Please!” she sobbed, “why are you doing this?!”
 
Haruka didn't bother to answer, instead cocking the hammer in a very slow, deliberate manner.
 
“Oh God!” the woman wailed, “Oh God! Please, don't! Please, just spare my baby! I'm begging you, don't kill my girl!”
 
Haruka rolled her eyes. “Why is it you bitches always say the same thing? `Please spare my baby,'” she mocked, “'I'll do anything, just don't hurt my child.' Just once I want to meet one of you who says, `Go ahead and kill my brat, because I can always have more fucking children.'”
 
Her baby still wailing at the top of its lungs in fright, the crying woman opened her mouth to plead for mercy again, but Haruka was done toying with her. The noise from her gun was almost deafening as she fired once, reducing the infant to a squishy red stain on her mother's chest, which now sported a hole the size of a grapefruit.
 
Looking around in the aftermath of her carnage, just to make sure she hadn't missed anything, Haruka put her gun away and withdrew a cigarette. Lighting it up, she took a deep drag before turning back to Keitaro, who was wide-eyed with tears running down his cheeks, jaw working soundlessly. Taking out another cigarette, she offered it to him. “You should have one of these. It'll help calm your nerves.”
 
The incongruous statement was just enough to push Keitaro's nerves to the breaking point. Suddenly horribly dizzy, he collapsed to his knees, doubling over as he threw up violently. His sudden vertigo was so complete that he didn't even feel the spreading warmth in his crotch as he pissed himself.
 
Having quickly stepped off to the side, Haruka shook her head in disgust as she watched Keitaro lose it completely. Well, at least she'd succeeded in giving him a shock…
 
When it finally looked like he'd finished, she nudged his ribs with her toe. “Get up.”
 
He didn't respond immediately, and she nudged him again, harder this time. “Get the fuck up!”
 
He slowly staggered to his feet, tears still pouring down his face as he looked around, a whimper coming from his throat. Rolling her eyes, Haruka knelt over one of the dead bodies, a man about Keitaro's height, and started to take off his pants. “Take your pants off,” she ordered briskly as she stripped the corpse.
 
“A-Aunt Haruka…?” she could hear the mounting horror in Keitaro's voice behind her.
 
“Take your damn pants off Keitaro. Underwear too. I can't take you anywhere looking like that.” She paused to turn and glare at him over her shoulder. She let just enough malice seep through her emotionless facade that, if he hadn't already wet himself, he would have done so at the sight. “And if you don't like the thought of wearing a dead guy's pants, then you shouldn't have pissed in yours.”
 
With a rapidly growing sense of numbness, Keitaro did as he was told, taking off his pants and underwear, and then putting on the pair Haruka had given him. He stared into space the entire time, and was beginning to seriously dissociate himself from his surroundings when Haruka put a hand on his chest, snapping him instantly back to reality as he jumped back with a shriek, crashing into a shelf and very nearly knocking it over.
 
Snorting in amusement, Haruka kept her hand on his chest. “Here, take this.” Blinking, Keitaro looked down fearfully. Haruka's hand on his chest was pressing something against him. Though his own hands were shaking badly, he managed to put his hands under hers, and as she pulled her own away he was left holding…a package of chewing gum?
 
Keitaro looked up at her in confusion. “Chew it, dumbass,” Haruka ordered, “All of it. You threw up, remember? This'll take care of your breath.”
 
His breath? She had just massacred a store-full of people, and she was concerned with his breath? Swaying as he felt himself nearing a faint, Keitaro nevertheless managed to do what she told him, mostly in fear that she'd kill him if he didn't.
 
Satisfied, Haruka grabbed her nephew's hand, dragging him out and onto the street that was now totally deserted. Pushing him towards her car, she made sure he got in before she went around and climbed in the driver's side.
 
Pulling out, Haruka set off towards the downtown, one hand on the wheel as the other fished out her cell phone again. Dialing, she continued to drive at a leisurely pace as the phone rang, as though she hadn't just committed murder several times over.
 
Apparently, whoever was on the other end of the line picked up, because Haruka began to talk into the phone. “Hey babe, it's me. The old bird finally kicked the bucket.” She paused for several moments, before speaking again. “Yeah, I've got him here with me now.” She glanced at Keitaro, who was taking deep breaths of air as he glanced at her fearfully, looking away as he saw her watching him. “I bumped off some nobodies in the store we were in… Uh-huh, about as well as can be expected… Yeah. Listen, I'm taking him to the downtown entrance, can you meet us there? Okay. See you in a couple of minutes. Bye.”
 
Hanging up the phone, Haruka put it down. “So, Keitaro, wondering if your aunt has completely lost her mind?” She mused aloud.
 
“Wh-, tha-, you-,” he sputtered, before finally managing to get a modicum of control over himself. “What the hell is going on?! Haruka, you…those people…you killed them!!!”
 
“Yes, very good Keitaro,” the sarcasm was thick enough to touch, “I did indeed kill those people. That's what happens when you shoot someone with a high-caliber gun at point-blank range.”
 
“But WHY?!”
 
Haruka considered making another joke, but decided against it. The point of this little demonstration was to start cutting the strings on the life he'd been living until now, not to drive him completely insane, after all. “Because I could. Or rather, to show you that there was no reason why I couldn't.”
 
Staring at her in abject horror, and quite clearly not understanding, Keitaro was about to object to her reasoning loudly when Haruka made a sharp turn, tossing Keitaro around in his seat. By the time he'd regained his balance, she had pulled into an out-of-the-way service garage.
 
Not noticing that there weren't any attendants around, despite it being the middle of the day, Keitaro looked around wildly. “What's going on??? Why are we here???”
 
“Relax, Keitaro. Nothing's going to happen to you.” Haruka didn't get out of the car, but instead picked her cell phone back up. Dialing in a long series of digits, she hit the send button, and Keitaro nearly shrieked as the car began to descend. Somehow, she'd opened some sort of trap door or something, and the car was apparently sitting on a large platform that began to sink down into the ground. He could just barely make out the trapdoor above them closing. “What's happening?!”
 
“I said relax,” shushed Haruka. “We're almost there.”
 
“Where?! Where are we goOOF!” Unprepared for the sudden jolt as the car stopped its descent, Keitaro bounced in his seat again.

“You really should buckle up when you're in a car, Keitaro.” Haruka's voice was still as dry as ever, but was quite clearly rich with mirth. “Driving without a seat belt can kill you.” She chuckled softly as she got out of the car, motioning for Keitaro to do the same.
 
Slowly, he did so, looking around. They were in a small underground garage, not all that much different from the one they'd descended from. However, this one had a door on the far wall that Haruka was walking towards. Swallowing nervously, Keitaro slowly trotted after her.
 
Opening the door, Haruka lead him into a room that wouldn't have been out of place at a mansion. It was extravagant. The floor was completely carpeted with a dark red rug. The walls were lined furnished with wooden paneling. The light was diffuse, from several soft lamps. Scattered around were several plush, comfortable chairs, in one of which sat…
 
“Kanako?!”
 
At the sound of her name, Keitaro's dark-haired little sister leapt to her feet. “Oniichan!” She quickly raced towards the pair, a joyful smile alighting her normally-somber face.
 
Kanako threw her arms wide as she ran towards them, and Keitaro braced himself for the inevitable glomp. His surprise was complete, however, when Kanako threw her arms around Haruka, who was a few steps ahead of him, instead.
 
The force of Kanako's embrace was enough that Haruka swung her around in a half-circle, leaving Kanako's back to Keitaro as Haruka held her. The stunned young man was about to ask what was going on, but the question was en route from his brain to his mouth, when it was suddenly derailed as Kanako and Haruka starting kissing.
 
Once again speechless, Keitaro could only watch as both women closed their eyes, arms around each other as they made out passionately. He could hardly believe what he was seeing as Haruka's hand dipped down, flipping up Kanako's skirt and giving him a quick view of her white cotton panties, tinted by her dark hose, and moved under it to give the younger girl's ass a squeeze, drawing an appreciative moan from her.
 
Finally, Kanako broke the kiss, looking up at Haruka with a grateful smile. “Thank you for calling me first.”
 
“Sure babe,” Keitaro's eyes widened at the familiar moniker. She'd been talking to Kanako on the phone in the car?! “I figured you deserved to know before anyone else.”
 
Leaving Haruka's embrace, Kanako turned to Keitaro. “Oniichan…” she breathed, the love in her eyes was as total as it was naked.
 
Closing the distance between them, Kanako hugged Keitaro to herself, making sure to press her chest against him, and leaned upwards to give him the same treatment as Haruka had gotten. Keitaro's eyes widened as Kanako's closed, her tongue running over his lips as she kissed him hungrily. When he felt her tongue slip into his mouth, it was enough to shock him back to his senses.
 
Grabbing her shoulders and roughly pushing her back, he yelled at the two women in a voice tainted with desperation. “Will somebody PLEASE tell me what the hell is going on?!”
 
“Oh, oniichan…” Kanako's voice was soft and full of an almost-motherly concern as she reached up to tenderly caress his face. “My poor oniichan, you must be so scared. Seeing Haruka kill some people, this secret lair, and now me here…”
 
Slowly taking his face in her hands, Kanako gently moved forward again, Keitaro not having it in himself to stop her. “But you don't need to worry anymore. I promise you, from now on, everything's going to be wonderful.”
 
Wordlessly, Keitaro turned his eyes to Haruka, silently begging for an explanation. She grinned at him in response. “It's your inheritance, kid.”
 
“Inheritance?” he echoed dumbly.
 
“Yep. Granny Hina left you everything. Congratulations Keitaro. You've just inherited the entire fucking world.”
 
Author's Notes: This is a fusion with the comic mini-series "Wanted" from Top Cow Productions, an imprint of Image Comics. A guy at work loaned me the graphic novel, and after reading it I somehow got to crossing it with Love Hina in my thoughts. This is the result.