Loveless Fan Fiction ❯ Fearless ❯ Fearless ( Chapter 1 )

Not my first attempt at an idea not of my own creation, but my first story I will have seen through to the end. Soubi and Ritsuka is an okay couple but Soubi/Ritsuka themes hold so many ideas back if it's the same thing over and over again. Besides, I for one love the prospect of someone else out there, waiting for Ritsuka.

 

This is set after the anime, of course since I am not about to spend my free time and money trying to hunt down the manga en sequence. Although the books seem to make more sense from what I have read and fills in many a plot holes the show had. Anyway, Ritsuka is sixteen and this of course makes Soubi twenty-three.

 

Disclaimer: All rights of Loveless belong to Yun Kouga and Yuji Kawahara who wrote for the show, I am just barrowing because this inspired me and I didn't want to even try and think of a way to make it sound even a little original. I am just a humble storyteller, I don't want nor have I received any money for this. This is just a little exercise so my writing skills don't atrophy in between my own projects. However, Hishiro Ryu is from my mind and Mitori-sensei as well.

 

Final note: Enjoy. ïŠ

 

I Can't Help It If I'm Just a Fool

 

Why do we have to fight? It surprised him that it took a year and a half to come up with that question.

 

I don't have the answer for you, Ritsuka. A lie, he knew it was a lie.

 

Soubi, why are you still here? Where's my Fighter? Loneliness.

 

I don't know. They might not have a true connection, but he also knew this was a lie.

 

Will you tell me now about Seimei? The only thing he wanted for his birthday. He thought he was plenty “old enough” by now.

 

There's nothing to tell, Ritsuka-san. He didn't even try to sound truthful anymore.

 

Please, just stop. I can't scream about this anymore, I'm too exhausted. Just don't say it. So tired of lies, of loneliness, of never having an answer and always having pain.

 

I love you, Ritsuka. He wasn't playing, not a sound of anger lifted from his lips. Just silence. Now there was silence and pain and fear.

 

Ritsuka opened his eyes to his ceiling and stared at the shadows hitting off the moonlit windows and ghosting shapes all over his room. Above him, squiggly waves danced across the bumpy, collaged ceiling and he turned his head to see Benny, his gold fish, swimming about. It appeared his insomniac behavior was rubbing off on his little friend.

 

But he wasn't an insomniac. No, there was a reason for his eyes only lying closed without the conviction of sleep. Only one week had past since his life again flipped, ripped itself to tiny, microscopic pieces, and then put them all back together. To hell with everyone, including Ritsuka, if the bits of his existence didn't fit back the way they should have or that some parts were obviously missing and gaping holes were seen easily by all! He would just have to deal. Like he always did. Fortunately no extra psychosis came along with this new development.

 

Imagine, if you will, that the only person in your meager life were taken from you. Your air, your safety, your fearless protector disappeared and you were never to see them again. The one person who could get you to smile, and cherished all of them that you gave off, eased all of your pains, listened to your childish problems, and kept the balance in your world. That's what Seimei had been. His dearly loved brother, murdered and leaving Ritsuka so alone and vulnerable to everyone that wanted nothing but to see his discomfort. Seimei - smart, gorgeous, gentle Seimei was dead, killed so horribly and abruptly that Ritsuka couldn't handle it. He lost himself and ever since he has paid for it.

 

No, that's not right anymore. Ritsuka thought and slid his arms up and underneath his head. He was sixteen now. Four years ago this whole string of insanity began! He was still in therapy then, a time he wished now he still had, and someone new came into his life. Eyes as intimidating and deep as the sea, protected by thin glasses, and hair the color of the pale flesh inside a lemon. Soubi was a friend, a friend with no neko ears, an adult friend, of Seimei's. Not enough wishes in the world could there be for Ritsuka that he never laid sight on the man.

 

There relationship was strange and strained. Soubi always said the wrong things. “I love you.” “Say and I will do.” “You only have to ask, Master.” He hated that! Empty words, empty promises all he ever got from his “slave”. A slave he never wanted. Ritsuka slowly did come to have a relationship with Soubi but not in the way the jealous Kio and Yuiko or the suspicious Yayoi thought. Not that Soubi didn't try. It was uncountable the amount of times the older boy, now man, kissed him without warning or pulled him close but Ritsuka could do nothing more than repay the second contact with a soft press back or let himself sink into the embrace. He couldn't do more, not when he knew everything was empty and wooden. Soubi missed Seimei terribly, Ritsuka knew this, but he wasn't his brother and Seimei wasn't coming back.

 

Or so he thought. The dream from four years ago should have put him more on alert. His birthday passed with a party at Yayoi's with a few friends, lots of balloons, too sweet cake, and things he was surprised to receive since he still thought he was too closed-off for people to know his personal tastes. With everyone inside, Ritsuka sat outside a moment longer after cleaning up and sat on the steps when Soubi came out and lowered beside him. A touch like a spider's web and Ritsuka's bangs were pushed away from his forehead. Soubi told him he was beautiful.

 

He approached Soubi carefully about what he wanted. All this time he didn't go a week without being “attacked” by other teams that knew about Seimei and the Seven Moons. Why was he still left in the dark? The only thing he wanted, would ever want, was to know the truth. Again Soubi dodged the questions. Things had been a little peculiar before and after his birthday. Soubi was much more touchy-feely and sometimes Ritsuka's old habit of blushing from his neck to forehead resurfaced when Soubi would suddenly pull him into an alley on his way home from school and start kissing, and worse, nibble on his furry ears atop his head. Whispering soft and husky, he told him even if he didn't believe him, he loved his adorable Ritsuka. Thinking back on it and similar times filled him with so much hatred. He always suspected those kinds of moments to be half-truths but never had he imagined them all to be such straight out lies.

 

Not a day later and Ritsuka had the shock of his life. He was coming from his bathroom, running a towel through his hair with another one wrapped tight around his waist when a blast of October night air wafted over him. Again he blushed, with the way he was acting, he'd have to beat Soubi back with his umbrella. Before he could smile at the thought, he heard a word. One word, one familiar voice that he now wished belonged to a friendly ghost.

 

“Loveless.” All he could do was gape. Seimei. Of all people, his lovely, wonderful brother was coming in through his window. It didn't register that Seimei spoke not his name but the other name. They stood, one in a billowing, black trench coat and the other in a damp and limp towel.

 

“Please don't tell me this is a dream. Have I finally cracked?” Ritsuka asked the form before him.

 

“Oh my baby brother.” Seimei said and smiled as he killed the space between them and gathered the lithe body against him. Ritsuka was shaking now but no tears seemed to come out. “Shhh, everything is going to be fine now. I'm here.” He smoothed the wet black hair with his pale hand. “You'll know everything in just a few more minutes, Loveless.”

 

They didn't pull apart so much as Seimei scooted them until they were near the bed and he lowered Ritsuka down to sit at the foot of the mattress. His brother's eyes swept across his body with a glint of something foreign in them. New cuts from his mother reopened since his hot shower and hug and without another word, Seimei left the staring boy for the bathroom and returned with the first-aid kit.

 

The muscles underneath his pale skin twitched as the alcohol made contact with the slits all across his abdomen. Seimei didn't speak nor look up but he knew Ritsuka was waiting. He could have smiled. Of course his sweet, naïve little brother would be expecting some sort of explanation for all this. A frown crossed his face when he saw a thin line of blood seep from a gash over his belly button and gently traced the flow back up with his wet cotton ball.

 

“Ritsuka, it is about time you started defending yourself against mother.” He knew what started happening after his death and it was a bit amusing at first and not to mention flattering - his mother going insane and Tsuka-chan losing his memories. But Ritsuka was strong; he shouldn't allow others to touch him this way. In the end it would be helpful to him but he couldn't stop the tiny bit of anger to surface, he was his big brother after all.

 

“Mother isn't well, it's not her fault she's like this.” Was the only reply Ritsuka could come up with. Seimei was acting strange and it didn't go unnoticed the deep darkness in his voice. Seimei sneered but continued his care of the wounds. “Seimei, why are you here and not buried?” Ritsuka asked very quietly in case no one was really in the room with him. That's all he needed, to have his father hear him and take him to the nearest asylum!

 

“You'd rather me dead, Tsuka-chan?” His brother lifted his head and Ritsuka gasped. He was exactly the same as all those years ago. That lazy, charming smile on his pale pink lips, violet eyes sparkling with laughter, and still those furry black ears—the same as Ritsuka's except for the white tips—nestled on his head among fluffy black hair. The past four years could be nonexistence when he looked at him like that.

 

“No of course not!” Again amusement flitted across Seimei's features when he saw Ritsuka's look of terror and almost leaped off the bed at him.

 

“Ritsuka, please believe me when I say this was something I had to do and if there was another way of doing it, a way that didn't involve you, I would have thought nothing of it and proceeded in that direction. But the hard part is over and you don't have to worry about anything else for the time being.” After a moment he added. “And how has Soubi been treating you? I want to think I left you in capable hands but he can be…a handful at times.” Ritsuka only nodded. “Right, only good enough to nod about. Really? Ritsuka, even in the poor lighting I could see your blush.” On cue, Ritsuka's color rose and he bent his head down so his hair concealed more of his face. How he loved to tease this young man!

 

“I've missed you.” Ritsuka offered in his small voice. He is still so adorable, no wonder Soubi had a hard time staying true to me. Seimei thought.

 

“Not as much as I missed you. Parting that way really did almost kill me.” Ritsuka looked at him with big, watery eyes and gave him a sad smile. Still so gullible. Seimei raised his hand to run it along Ritsuka's soft jaw line before cupping his cheek. He tilted his brother's head as he moved forward to hold him by his waist and brushed his lips against his own. His heart raged pure, white fire when he tasted Soubi. They pressed their heads together and Ritsuka could feel hot breath against his cold skin. “Good night, little one.” Seimei whispered and almost chuckled at the whimper he received. So scared, so starved, so unloved.

 

“Wait, Seimei, where are you going now?” Ritsuka was on the verge of panic as he watched his brother turn around and head to the window. Seimei turned and Ritsuka felt like jumping and hiding under his blankets at the look he was given.

 

“Gotta go see my boy toy, it's been so long. You understand, right Ritsuka?”

 

He was alone after that and Ritsuka's first night of insomnia began. Two days later Ritsuka was on edge and exhausted. He was sure it wasn't a dream—but all this time without any other contact? Doubt would have been reasonable except Soubi was also gone. The man wasn't his usual stalker self out by the gates of the high school or was he answering his phone. Ritsuka didn't understand; if anything they all should have been together so he could figure out everything. No such luck.

 

As he neared his house, he saw two figures waiting for him. The whole ordeal made him feel so small and worthless when he recalled it. Seimei was leaning against the gate, all relaxed and cool, and Ritsuka tried not to choke and ignored the wince in his gut when he saw his brother absent of his ears. He was an adult; he was Soubi's. Looking past his brother he now saw Soubi and the man was so different from when he usually saw him. Tall, graceful, beautiful, and so damn scary! Danger and magic floated off the two but Soubi was the most enchanting of the pair. He absolutely glowed and Ritsuka couldn't believe the icy gaze of those eyes was directed at him.

 

“Remarkable, isn't he?” Seimei said when he waited long enough for his brother to stop staring at his property. Soubi's coat opened as he took his hands from his pockets and Ritsuka saw the bandages were off and his name was visible for the world to see and love bites covered the perfect flesh of his neck. “When the pet is reunited with its owner, it perks right back up!” He finished with a smile and Soubi broke his watch to stare at Seimei in adoration. Ritsuka felt sick but managed to look at Seimei. And his eyes latched on top of his brother's head again.

 

“That was the deal. He had to wait to have me after phase one was all done with.” Seimei said, nodding his head forward slightly. “So he wouldn't go astray.” He finished and tucked blowing strands of blonde hair behind his slave's ear. Like an electric shock, Ritsuka realized all of what was being said and glared at Soubi.

 

“You knew he was alive?!”

 

“Ritsuka, he was following orders. My orders.” Seimei answered for his pet, the tone deep and defensive. Ritsuka felt like crying but the tears weren't ready to come out yet.

 

“Well, then what about the Seven Moons and the other teams? Did you have to fake your death because they thought you were dead?” He blushed when his brother laughed at him; Soubi just closed his eyes for a moment and then returned to being calm.

 

“Ritsuka, have you seriously not figured this all out? I know you're smarter than what you're letting on.” He waited but when his brother looked away with a stubborn defiance, he rolled his eyes and continued in a lecturing tone. “The Seven Moons is the biggest school for our kind. Master trainer Ritsu-sensei heads them. Soubi and I are a part of them. I don't want this life Ritsuka.” He paused and glared at him. “We are better than anyone before us. Beloved is unstoppable and I plan to take what is ours and turn Seven Moons in a different, better direction no matter who they try and enlist to stop me, including Loveless.” For the first time since this had started, Ritsuka was suddenly very afraid of his big brother. All others were forgotten as he looked at the man he spent every day with in some way for the past few years.

 

“Soubi…then you really will kill me if told to?” By now was the time Soubi would have came to him and pull him close as if to absorb him and shush his fears, but now Seimei was here and he didn't dare. For both their sake he remained locked in his position.

 

“It was part of the plan in the beginning, Loveless, but Master feels differently now.” Finally Ritsuka let out a barely audible sob.

 

“God, look at yourself.” Seimei sounded so disgusted with him. “So starved that you'd love someone else's Fighter. Everyone made you out to be some great thing of legend but you are nothing.” These words were killing him. “You're without, Ritsuka, a joke. A mistake that Destiny made. You are not loved and no one is here for you. Blessed? No, cursed. You hold no threat to me so you shall live. Farewell little one, Loveless.” He loved to say that name; it caused Ritsuka so much turmoil.

 

Since then, Ritsuka only cried once. Not for Seimei, his brother really did die all those years ago and this doppelganger would not tarnish the beautiful memories he had of him. Those tears were for Soubi, a proper mourning and he was dead to him too. Now they both were out of his life and he could resume his existence as a normal teenager.

 

Ritsuka rose from his bed and walked to the window. Moonlight drenched the streets in a silver glow, making the shadows shrink back but darker than normal. Nothing was different. The lattice was still chipped and vine-covered outside his window, the gnarly tree still stood twisted in his yard, and the moon still shone unbiased on him. It hadn't hurt as much as he thought it would to have Soubi, the closest thing he had to a boyfriend, leave him but the sting was there. They just weren't meant to be.

 

He understood that now. Years ago, he argued names meant nothing Fate and Destiny were as real as unicorns. Now he knew better. Thirteen and he got his name. How long it was there he didn't know but one day after gym he was relaxing his muscles under the scalding jets from the shower when Yayoi remarked about his tattoo. Imagine the boy's surprise and color change when Ritsuka spun around to grab him by the wrist after he couldn't twist to see it and dragged him out to his locker. Flinging his digital camera at him, Ritsuka told him to take a picture of it.

 

`Loveless'. Beautiful crimson scroll with a delicate, wavy line of ivy underneath it made the word stand out at the very base of his back, just above the bony beginning of his tail. Ritsuka committed the image to memory, not afraid he'd forget but more so that Soubi would see it, and deleted the picture at once. A wave of melancholy gripped him. It was real now. Unwanted Loveless, brother to the famed Beloved, was now affirmed of his own worthlessness. Youji and Natsuo always spoke of connections and deep feelings between Fighter and Sacrifice but they all bounced off him after that. He truly was unlovable.

 

He guessed that was why he didn't feel too badly. One can't get hurt when they've been expecting it. Such is the way of Fate. He thought with one last look up to the moon. Ritsuka burrowed under the blankets once again feeling wretched. It was never easy but he found some comfort in knowing having the knowledge that no one would ever be his and he would be alone forever gave him some strength in himself. That was enough to get him to sleep at night.